You got spells? I got swords!

by ElementBrigade

Rating: mature
Tags: Adventure, Crossover, Dark, Human, Anthro, Comedy
Length: 4618

[Displaced Story] After camping outside for a gaming convention to open. Four friends cosplaying from two different games find themselves in the land of Equestira after buying either a costume or an item from a merchant offline.

A teen with multiple swords…check, a lalafell white mage with a smart mouth…check, a brave/idiotic Miqo'te Paladin…check, one cool/level headed other guy who can bust through almost anything…check. Ending up in a freaky forest where weird shit begins happening while fighting a giant malboro, while protecting a bunch of guards…Not on today's to do list.

[Displaced Story]
Crossover: (Mlp x Final Fantasy 14 & 15)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-20 15:20:17 UTC

Chapter 1: Malboro Attack

Chapter 1: Malboro Attack

*Beep! Beep!*

“Ugh….”

*Beep! Beep!*

“Will someone please shut that DAMN THING OFF!!?!”

“I got it.” Said Hanako as she hit Noctis’s cellphone off.

“What time is it anyway?” Asked June who scratched her head. That though became the second most important thing on her mind as she looked around. “And where the hell are we?”

“What are you talking about, catgirl?” The teen they called Noctis responded as he rose from his slumber. He looked around him, realizing that instead of being outside the location of PAX West in Seattle, Washington; they were in the middle of a forest. A dark and gloomy forest. “Okay, something tells me we’re not in Seattle anymore…”

“What was your first guess?”

Noctis glared at Ruby with a serious look, causing her to be on edge. “Hey, it’s just a question. No need to get angry faced with me!”

“Will you two quiet down please?” The older man named Ignis said from behind the two. “It’s 6:00 am in the morning. I don’t need you two bickering at each other…….What the hell?”

“You see what I mean?” Noctis said, moving his arms around him like he was trying to prove a point. “I don’t remember any of us deciding to go camping in the woods.”

“Well isn’t this just dandy. Hanako did you-.” Ignis look over to where Hanako was sitting as he notice that she was small…..like that of a child. “What happen to you!?”

“Doesn’t she look like…… those lalafell people on Final Fantasy XIV?” Noctis asked, trying to point it out. “Because I’m seeing a fluffy tail from behind her and it looks too damn weird to be fake.”

“What the hell do you mean by-.” June reached back behind herself to see what Ignis means. To her surprise she felt the fake tail that she bought offline was real. “What the hell!?”

Noctis looked at the two of them in shock. What he was seeing made him think that his sister would pounce on Ruby and Hanako like Agnes in despicable me and shout “IT’S SO FLUFFY I FEEL LIKE I’M GOING TO DIE!!!”. Though, he also remembered that what he bought was a prop of Noctis’ main sword from Final Fantasy XV. Or as previously known, Final Fantasy versus XIII.

“Shut it emo boy and tell us what the hell happen to us?”

“I didn’t say or do anything-.” Noctis shot back. But when he moved his arm to the side, a small light glowed as that same sword he had acquired was now in his hands. It was real too… because it was sharp to the touch and almost made him bleed. “Okay, this is just getting weirder and weirder by the minute. How the hell did I do that?”

“I don’t know, but that was kinda cool.” Ignis replied as he look at blade closer.

“Yeah, real great and all, but how is something like that going to protect us in this stupid forest?” Asked Hanako. Noctis soon turned around, noticing something as he looked back at his companions.

“We’re not alone… Hide, quickly!”

“I heard the noise from over here!” A unknown voice rang out as it looked like a light from a torch was coming closer. “Remember, we don’t know what is here, so prepare yourselves for if what we find is hostile!”

“Great, not only are we lost in the woods, but now a bunch of people think we’re some kind of monster-.”

“JUST SHUT UP AND HIDE, IDIOT!” Noctis retorted, yanking Hanako off the ground like it was a Yordle in League of Legends. Ignis followed suite along with Ruby as they hid behind a fallen tree and Noctis took cover inside another tree.

“You jerk! Don’t carry me like that all of a sudden. Just because I’m small doesn’t mean I can’t run fast.”

“Well, it was either that or I kick you like a soccer ball. Your choice.” Noctis said, leaning forward. “I’ll try to see who these guys are, just stay quiet.”

“We better not be in some kind of trouble if you do that.” Said Ignis.

“Relax, I use to have a tree house to hide from you guys.” He told him. Looking a bit more, he noticed the men that were talking… Some had different shades of fur, Marks of some kind on their shoulder plates, and carrying a wide variety of swords. But the main thing he could tell was off was their feet.

Where they had hooves instead of boots.

“Spread out and start searching. If this is a threat to Princess Celestia, then we need to deal with it now!”

“Well, just perfect…” Noctis groaned. Looking back at the others, he looked back at Hanako and June. “Hey, which one of you two is a better climber? One of you needs to get up here and see this.”

“That would be me.” Said June. “Why do you need me to climb for?”

“Because one of you needs to see what we’re dealing with. I think we just pissed off the military… but not our military.” He said. “Plus, I don’t want Ignis causing any attention because of his size. He could literally snap a tree if he wanted too.”

“Then I should go,” Hanako insisted. “No offense Ruby, but I think I would be a lot lighter to pick up instead of you.”

“Oh screw you!! Is this because of my eating habits?!”

“No it’s because back home, you were…… pleasingly plump…… Hey, we should call you Plump Paladin for now on.”

“Fuck you, Hanako!!”

“Ladies, please lower your voices?” said Ignis. “We’re trying not to get captured or killed remember?”

“Right… Just toss me up already, June.”

The caption made June think about what Noctis said earlier to her and look back at Hanko with an diabolical look on her face. Picking her up, she then used all of her might to throw her like a football. However, this backfired as it sent the lalafell flying into the distance like a hail mary in a game of football.

“Um…… oops?”

“You’re killing me June.” Noctis groaned. “Okay, new plan. I’ll go after Hanako, you two hurry up and hide. We’ll meet you back up later.”

“Sounds like a good plan then this one.” Said Ignis, as he and Ruby sneaked away. Meanwhile, Noctis was running through the trees, trying to find a direct flight path to wherever his companion had landed. Using his sword to help traverse obstacles and get familiar with some of his newfound powers. This mostly included the short teleport he knew as Warp. Soon, the teen came across a large edge in a ravine. He didn’t look over though, because he still thought that Hanako was in the trees. That was until something else caught his attention after three minutes.

“OH FOR GODS SAKE!! LOOK OVER THE EDGE ALREADY!!! I CAN’T HOLD ON MUCH LONGER!!!”

“That’s what she said.”

“THIS ISN’T THE TIME FOR THAT, SMARTASS!!” Hanako yelled as Noctis extended a hand for her to grab.

“Oh I am so gonna aero the hell out of Ruby when we get back.” Said Hanako grabbing onto Noctis hand. He pulled her up slightly as the small creature Noctis knew as his friend wiped the dirt off of her robes. “Where's June and Ignis anyways? I thought that they would be with you when you showed up.”

“I told them to go hide since the soldiers were nearby while I came to get you. We should go-.”

“Go where?”

“Not anywhere.” Came a new voice. Noctis and Hanako turned around, only to see that a number of soldiers and the leader of the squad, a orange colored stallion with wings and a mark of a Shield and a Lightning bolt on his shoulder plate. “Stand down now…”

“On what charges? Ruining your day?”

“Hanako, now isn’t the time for that!”

“What? We didn’t do anything wrong or anything.”

“Yeah, but back talking isn’t going to help anyone right now!”

“Oh sure when you do it there’s no problem, but when I do it there is a problem?”

“That’s not what I meant……” Noctis replied, hearing a bolt of lightning crack in the distance. “Something is coming.”

“Like what?”

Before he could say anything, Noctis pushed Hanako out of the way of a large hand that bursted through the area, knocking a lot of soldiers back into the forest. Looking back at what that was, Noctis’ jaw dropped.

“… Ramuh.”

“DEAR CELESTIA THAT’S HUGE!!!”

“Wow! Didn’t see that coming.” Hanako said watching from behind a rock she hid behind a few second after the hand came out of the sky. The being that took form seconds later was the size of a colossus… but it wanted nothing to do with Hanako or the pony down there…

It wanted Noctis.

Hanako turn her attention towards Noctis. “I think he’s looking at you buddy.”

“No Shi-.” Before Noctis could finish, Ramuh’s hand leaped forward, grabbing him and pulling him away from the lalafell “What th-!? HEY!!”

“Hey! Don’t leave me behind with these jerks!” Before anything happened though, electricity began to surge again. This time through Noctis as it struck all around them and hit a few of the guards on accident. Seconds afterward, he was dropped onto the ground and Ramuh left the boy, groaning in pain. “Oww… Good god, that was painful.”

“Wow, the Ramuh from Final Fantasy 15 got nothing on the one in 14. What was something like that doing here?”

“I think… it was suppose to be giving me his blessing. You familiar with Archaeans?”

“Somewhat yeah.”

“They’re summons, but only when you obtain their blessing. It seems like the one I just got was Ramuh’s… Could’ve been a bit safer with the drop… Oh right… we still have company.” Noctis groaned, looking at the stallion in charge.

“Who are you two?”

“Let’s give him our character names. Lord knows we don’t want them to know our real names.” Whispered Hanako. Noctis nodded in agreement, letting her speak first. “My name is Hanako Lamia, and this is my friend Noctis Lucis Caelum.”

“I’m Flash Sentry. Now, why are you two here.”

“We just woke up in the forest and who knows what the hell is going on now.” Noctis added on. “We don’t mean any harm, my friends and I just need help.”

“Speaking of friends, you might want to check your phone Noctis.” Hanako suggested. Noctis looked at it, noticing a new voice message as he played it on speaker. The first thing he heard… was June.

“LEEEEEEEROY… JENKINS!!!!!!!!!!”

“What the fu-?”

“That would be June. Judging by the sound of it she and Ignis must be fighting someone.”

“Look out for the tenta- *SMACK* cles.”

“.......Fuck. I’m really hoping they’re not fighting what I think they are fighting.” A few moments later, it showed both Ignis and Ruby running alongside a white stallion as a hope moss covered monster appeared a few minutes later.

“Are those idiots really running with a Malboro behind them?”

“Oh how I hate Malboro’s. They’re annoying monsters that are a pain to kill.”

“And have a bad case of morning breath-.” before Noctis could finish, Flash ran past them towards the three of them. “God, that IDIOT!!”

“Wait! You don’t even know how to deal with something like that!” Yelled Hanako.

“Hanako, Cover me.” Noctis quickly told her as he warped in front of where the others were, cutting off one of the tendrils that tried to grab June. Soon, he warped behind the monster to try and lure it away from his friends. “Over here, Mossy!”

“Dammit! That idiot’s gonna get himself killed.” Hanako said as she cast protect on to Noctis and the rest. “June, change your class.”

“To what!?”

“I don’t know, something with range or spell casting.”

“And how do I do that? It’s not like I could just say “class change to machinist” and it would-.”

That’s when some screams of pain roared from the beast as they looked back at Noctis… Who really was lucky to figure out how to pull off the one thing that saved his life. Summoning all of his weapons.

“Now then… Ignis… Hope you’re up for a fight… Mossface here is going to die.”

“Oh… HELL YES!!!”

“Do we even have a plan on dealing with this monster?” Asked June as she activated Sword Oath. “Because if I know how Malboro’s are in the game they can be a pain to kill.”

“Just destroy it’s tentacles and don’t breath in it’s breath! It’s Poisonous!!” Noctis yelled, tossing a spare claymore to Ignis. With another quick jump, he warp striked a tentacle that was trying to go for Flash and Shining Armor.

“I’ll heal the poison, but you’ll have to keep it from attacking me.” Said Hanako, casting stoneskin 2 on to all of them.

“That’s the plan. Just like dodgeball. Dodge, duck, dip, dive… and dodge it’s attacks before trying to attack like crazy!”

“Yeah only the difference is.” June tossed her shield and slice an oncoming tentacle coming from Noctis’s blindside in two. “This thing is going to kill us.”

“Not unless if WE kill it first!” Noctis shouted, landing an attack from a Dragoon Lance at the top of the Malboro’s head. “Dammit, go down- WHOA!”

The reaction was from Noctis being thrown on the ground after losing his balance. He hit the ground hard. “Agh!! Son of a bitch!”

“Remember Noctis this isn’t a game, this is real life.” Hanako said as she cast cure 3 onto Noctis healing any injuries he might have gotten from the fall.

Noctis was going to respond, but then his vision became blurry and he was caught in what happened next. Before Ignis used his sword to finish off the monster, another huge cloud of poison was released and he and the others were caught in it. The monster was dead, but because of the fumes, almost all the warriors fighting it were exposed to the poison as Noctis soon fell forward.

“Aw…Damn it…”

“*Cough! Cough!* Dammit!.” Said Hanako trying to cast esuna, but was unable to due to the Malboro’s bad breath. “I can’t use any *Cough! Cough!* of my spells…oh fucking hell.” Hanako collapse to the ground.

“Worse…..death…..ever.” Was all June could say before she too collapsed to the ground. “No…..wait…..dieing from a weak…. enemy is a worse way to d-die.”

Ignis didn’t say anything, too tired to speak as he fell down as well. However, with the two ponies nearby and them being the only survivors, the Captain of the squad turned to Flash.

“Get a medical Evac team here now!”

“S-sir?”

“These four strangers just saved our lives. We would be dead if it weren’t for them. Now HURRY UP AND FLY, FLASH!!”

“Y-yes sir!!” He stammered, taking off as fast as he could to get a medical team. Shining Armor felt like he was in debt to these four.

The least he could do was make sure that they did not perish.

Chapter 2: White Mages are better doctors

Chapter 2: White Mages are better doctors

*Beep…...Beep*

“Ugh….Noctis….turn your damn alarm off.” Said the groggy lalafell who fell out of her bed. Upon waking up she found her and her friends in some kind of hospital hooked up to a monitor that was reading their heart rate and breathing. “The hell? How did we ended up here?”

“Look who finally woke up.” Noctis sighed. “And to answer your question, those two ponies we protected brought us here to the medical wing after that Malboro caused us to pass out because of the poison.”

“Oh…..right…..question what the hell is this place? I get that we’re in a hospital, but where exactly?”

“Their capital city. It’s called Canterlot, but it sounds like a play on Camelot if you ask me.” Noctis replied, shifting his weight a little so he was lying back down on the bed. “Oh and another thing, they had to have the guards sedate you because of how much you squirmed while they tried to give you the antidote.”

“That would explain why I feel a little sluggish.” Hanako said as she cast esuna onto herself. “Much better. Speaking of sluggish, where’s June and Ignis?”

“Probably in another room.” Noctis shrugged. “Though I think Ignis may be in containment because when he woke up, he almost went into a blood rage and offended the stallion that saved us, calling him someone that was “scared shitless and also a scaredy cat”. Note to self, never piss off Shining Armor.”

“It comes to no surprise that Ignis would do something like that. Though I’m surprise June didn’t do something like that.” Hanako said as she started to make her way towards the door. “I’m gonna have a look around and see if I can find them. If anyone ask where I am, tell them I’m just going for a walk.”

“Whatever… I need to get some sleep anyways. Oh and Ignis said that because someone questioned his sexuality and called him bisexual.”

“........I’m not even gonna ask why they think he goes both ways.”

(Canterlot Hospital Hallway)

“Dammit. It sucks that I have to keep sneaking around like this.” Said Hanako who was bolting from doorway to doorway. “I mean really? How hard is it to find two humans in a place like this?” Just as she was about to run off towards another door, she notice a pony that was covered in bandages from head to toe. “Well here’s something you don’t see everyday.”

The pony itself looked scared. “W-who are you?” It asked.

“My name is Hanako Lamia and…..I am your doctor for today.” Hanako said as she tried to get onto the bed the stallion was on, but was having a hard time doing so. “Now then care to tell me what seems to be the problem?”

The pony wasn’t able to speak much, but then he pointed his hoof towards his ribcage. “B-broken… *Cough cough* R-ribs.”

“Broken ribs huh? Well I think I can help with that.” Hanako pulled her staff from behind her back as she cast Esuna and Cure 3 onto the pony. In a matter of seconds the bandages that was on the pony disappeared making him back to his normal self before whatever accident caused him to be in the hospital. “There we go, good as new.”

“T-thank you.” The pony replied, showing it’s kindness by hugging Hanako briefly before turning around, it’s eyes widening. “G-go. The Captain is coming.”

“You’re Welcome.” Hanako said as she ran off in the opposite direction of where Shining Armor was heading. Moments later after running a for a few and stealing some lollipops from some of the doctors without them noticing. The White Mage finds herself in a room filled with young ponies. From what she could tell some of the ponies looked okay, while some were not looking so good due to some of them being sick from some kind of sickness or disease. “Oh this just sad on so many levels.” She said as she made her way into the middle of the room. Each one of the ponies that she met were affected by some injury or sickness.

“Attention….um little ponies. Today I will be your new doctor for today and possible in the near future.”

“Who are you?” Asked a young colt with a cast over his arm.

“My name is Hanako Lamia.” She answered pulling her staff from behind her back. “And it time for you all to get better and enjoy your childhood.”

“YAY!!!”

“Now you’ll feel a little ticklish, but don’t worry about it.” Magic started to surge around the lalafell as she let loose a magic spell. “Crystal of light hear my call. Heal these children with your warming light. “Asylum!!!” In a mere instant the whole room was engulfed in a blinding light from Hanako’s spell. seconds later the dome that was surrounded the room vanished to reveal a room full of healthy normal young fillies and colts. The only downside was that afterwards, all those children were soon trying to hug her, piling up on top of her in a dogpile.

“Easy there little kids one at a time.” Hanako said who was recovering from the sudden dogpile. “Glad I was able to help you all.” Of course this little victory was brought short when she heard some footsteps heading towards the room. “Oh crap, um I have to go little ones. Mind keeping a secret and don’t tell them where I ran off to?” She asked the children in the room. They nodded yes, giving Hanako the chance to bolt for the exit.

A few hours of healing and running from her pursuers. Hanako finds herself in the lobby room of the hospital were once again there were injured ponies from left to right. *Sigh*“A white mage’s job is never done.” She said mentally as she casted the same spell she used on the kids in the last room she was in. Once again like before the entire room was engulfed in a blinding light, in a matter of seconds the dome disappeared revealing a room filled with healthy ponies. “There we go.”

The ponies within the room were shock and awe at what just happen to them mostly the doctors. This little kid just healed a room full of injured ponies that would of taken them hours to heal or to patch up. Just as the lalafell was about to walk back to her search for Ignis and Ruby, she felt her something pulling on her body. Hanako looked at her body to see a lavender color aura surrounding her body. Hanako looked to her right to see a six technicolor anthropomorphic ponies looking at her in surprise and shock.

“Do you mind letting me go? I have some important stuff I need to attend to.”

“W-What are you?” Asked Twilight who was still trying to levitate the lalafell. “How can a little filly like you do that kind of magic without a horn?”

“First of all I’m not a little filly.” Hanako said as she broke Twilight’s levitation spell with a snap of her fingers. “Second fuck you that’s how.”

Rarity gasped at what Hanako just said. “Little fillies shouldn’t say naughty words like that, what would your parents say if they heard you say that?”

“I could think of a lot of things, but really I wouldn’t care. Now if you don’t mind?” Hanako was about to walk off to search for her friends, that is until a cyan pegasus with rainbow color mane & tail, and was wearing a black tank top with blue jeans.

“And where do you think you’re going kid?”

“Strike one.” Hanako said mentally as she turn to walk in the opposite direction. “I’m off to look for my friends.”

“Sorry sugarcube, but we can’t let a little kid like you wander around on her own. Your parents would be worry sick about you.” Said Applejack appearing right behind her.

“Strike two.”

“Not only that, but we need some answers from either you or your parents. How can somepony teach you how to use this kind of magic without the need of a horn?” Said Twilight.

That’s when the group of them heard a second pair of footsteps. “That’s because she’s a white mage. Also, being a Lalafell, her species; including the adults, are naturally short.”

“And who are you?”

“Noctis. A friend of hers and the guy responsible for saving two guards outside of town from a monster attack. I think one of them was Flash… Something.”

“Pfft, You? Fighting against monsters? How? I don’t see any weapons on-”

A brief twist of his wrist and then all of Noctis’ weapons were pointing at Rainbow Dash as her friends began to back away.

“-you.”

“And just when this little kid was the only problem we had to deal with.” Noctis looked at Applejack, sighing deeply. “Uhh… what?”

“You pressed the Little button.”

“The wha-?” was all Applejack could say before Hanako tripped her from her feet and caused the earth pony to fall.

“You shouldn’t have done that.”

“DONE WHAT!?”

“Call me LITTLE!!” Hanako yelled as she was about to hit Applejack with her staff, only for Noctis to pull her away from the country earth pony.

“Behave now, shortstack.” Hanako’s eye twitched upon hearing Noctis calling her that. “Oh...um….sorry.”

“You only get one Noctis, only one.” She then turned her attention back to the country pony. “And you. You’re on my shit list of people who pisses me off, and that is a rare list to be on.”

“Hanako…….”

“What!? They started it by thinking that I was a child!”

“That doesn’t mean you go and attack someone like that.”

“Whatever.”

“Um…...If you two don’t mind me asking, but who or what are you two?” Asked Fluttershy.

“I don’t see why after what you friends called me.” Noctis gave the lalafell a disappointed look. “Ugh, but if it’ll make you idiots feel better my name is Hanako Lamia. The guy that’s holding me back is Noctis Lucis Caelum, but you can call him Noctis for short.”

“You know I can speak for myself Hanako?”

“Look I’m angry and hungry don’t push it Noctis. Now care to tell us who you six are?”

“My name is Princess Twilight Sparkles, but you can call me Twilight for short.”

“Rainbow Dash. Fastest flyer in all of equestria!”

“My name is Rarity, and I have to say I do love your clothing.”

“I’m Applejack.” She said rubbing her left shin.

“Um…..I’m F-Fluttershy.”

“And I’m Pinkie Pie it nice to meet you two!” Pinkie Pie said as she got up to Hanako’s face.

“Get out of my face or else I’m gonna knock your face in.”

“Hey! She was just saying hi you little jerk, you don’t have to be mean.” Said Rainbow Dash.

“Bite me you rainbow color bitch, now if you all don’t mind.” Hanako wiggled her way out of Noctis arms and started walk off. “I’m off to look for something to eat and to look for June and Ignis.”

“W-Wait I still have some questions that needs to be answered!” Said Twilight.

“I don’t care about your questions Sparkle butt. Right now I haven’t eaten anything in the last few hours and I’m little bit annoyed from that a certain group of ponies called me short, little, or child. Now the next pony that calls me a child or someone tries to levitate me because they think I’m a threat.” Wind started to form around her fist. “There will be hell to pay.”

(The Void of Darkness)

“So….these are the warriors of light that the mother crystal have sent to this world.” Said a figure in a black robe.

“So it would seem. This maybe a problem seeing how we there are two who wield the crystal of light.”

“Are you sure that lalafell and the miqo’te wield the light? From what we have seen they don’t seem to be up to par with the last warriors of light back in Eorzea.”

“Would you like to put them to the test them?”

“Yes, if they are really warriors of light then they should have a problem with having to fight another monster.” The man in the black robe open a portal that lead to the front door of the hospital there Noctis and his friends were in.

“Let us see if the crystal of light didn’t make a mistake.”