Princess Luna Gets A Colonoscopy
Breakfast time was one of the few times that the royal sisters ever saw each other during their busy schedule. Princess Luna had complained to her sister many times that they could always assign ministers to do most of their duties. However, once Princess Celestia showed Luna a list of all the ministers that tried to usurp power from the crown during the time the night princess was on the moon she didn’t put up much of a fight.
Of course, while it was “breakfast” for Princess Celestia, “dinner” would be a more accurate term for Luna. One half of the royal table would be filled with eggs, tofu bacon, toast, juice, fruit, pancakes and such. The other half would contain fried eggplant, spaghetti, hay burgers, hay fries, soda, and other dinner delights. The only thing that both would share was the desert, which Celestia would have in all her meals.
Despite her doctors telling her to quit adding more “junk in the trunk” as it were.
Speaking of doctors, Celestia quickly remembered that she had to discuss something important with her younger sister.
“Luna, there is something we need to discuss.”
“Is it important, Sister?” asked Luna as she scribbled a few notes on a piece of parchment. “Last night’s court was utterly boring.”
“Boring? But I thought you had at least two hundred visitors?” pointed out the elder sister.
“Yes, but they all kept coming for the same thing. They keep asking if I can keep the moon up longer so they didn’t have to go to work in the morning and do their usual daily jobs. Ugh,” moaned Luna, as she rubbed her temple. “If I had known more attention would mean hassles like this, I would have not rebelled against you a thousand years ago.”
“Welcome to my world,” said Celestia, rolling her eyes on the amount of ridiculous things her subjects have asked over the years. Like that one pony who brought up the idea of a form of government where ponies choose their elected officials and have them make the laws based on the demands of the subjects rather than the royals doing it because we know better. Ideas of a madmare.
“Anyway, the issues is about your health, Luna,” said Celestia while taking a sip of coffee.
“Ugh, again?” groaned Luna. “Ever since I came back from the moon you have done nothing but given me check up after check up. I know modern medicine has advanced since the day when we used leeches and herbs, but if I have to get one more booster shot...”
“Nothing like that... well not so much,” said Celestia as she made sure that the room had nopony else around but her and Luna. “Well, you are getting older. And that means we need to check your colon. So therefor, I think it’s best to get you a colonoscopy.”
Luna tilted her head. “Why would I want to get a degree in learning about beauty procedures?”
“Not cosmetology. I said colonoscopy.”
“Oh, and what does this do?” asked Luna taking a sip of soda.
“They put a camera up your... um... back hole and see if there are any problems inside,” said Celestia which earned her a spit take of soda on her face.
“W-what?! They wish to insert something like that into my butt?!” shouted Luna, eyes widen with both shock and fury. “And this is allowed?! What about privacy and dignity?! A pony’s backside is not to be abused in such a manner! It’s... it’s like being violated only everypony will be able to see the inside of where I am being violated!”
Celestia rolled her eyes. “Honesty, Luna. You’re overreacting.”
“Overreacting?! You’re asking me to be mounted by a metal object so that my inner plothole can be seen by perverts!” growled a blushing Luna. “How do we know this so called colonoscopy is even a legit medical procedure?! It could be just invented by perverted males to have an excuse to look at our backsides!”
“Actually, the procedure was invented by a mare by the name of Rear Checker,” answered Celestia.
“... did her parents hate her? I mean with a name like that...”
“Luna,” said Celestia, getting back her sister’s focus. “I have had one. It was weird, but it’s normal for ponies who get older. There may be tumors, bleeding, inflammation, and other things inside your... rear that we don’t know about. You can even develop cancer in your colon.”
“Ah, yes...” growled Luna. “This cancer thing we keep hearing about so often. Can it truly strike at one’s rear area?”
“Yes, that was how Twilight’s grandfather unfortunately passed away. If he had gotten his colonoscopy before hand, he could have taken steps to avoid it.” Celestia looked at her sister in the eye. “You don’t want to suddenly die one day from something as ridiculous as a illness in your butt? Do you?”
Luna bit her lip as she began such a headline appearing on the papers:
“PRINCESS LUNA PASSES AWAY! DEATH BY ILLNESS FOUND IN BOWELS! HEADSTONE TO BE SHAPED LIKE HER BACKSIDE IN HER MEMORY!”
“Okay, I can see your point,” muttered Princes Luna as she sat back down and sulked. “But if this gets me pregnant the head doctor is paying for child support!”
Celestia merely rolled her eyes.
***
After telling her sister twice not to bring her battle armor, (especially her flank guard pants) Princess Celestia had finally dragged Princess Luna to Doctor Feels, who would be in charge of the operation. Laid down on a table, her rear shining under a spotlight, Luna bit her lip and looked at all the strange equipment and the ponies who would be operating it. Her sister was there, for support, and talking to the head doctor who was a gray unicorn that wore the usual surgery clothing one would wear for the profession.
“I’m not going to feel anything while this happens... will I?” asked Princess Luna, biting her lip. “I mean. I have grown used to using those freezing cold modern toilets we have now and would hate to somehow not be able to sit on the stools to do my business.”
“Relax, Princess Luna,” chuckled Doctor Feels as he put on his surgery gloves. “You might feel a bit numbness in your rectum area when it’s over, but you’ll be fast asleep. The anesthesia should be taking effect right about now.”
“Anesthesia?” asked Princess Luna, raising her eyebrow. “What is tha-zzzzzzzz.”
A bit of drool escaped from Princess Luna’s mouth as she was sent away into dream land.
“And now we take a picture. Oh, nurse?” asked Doctor Feels as he posed right next to Princess Luna’s behind. A few snaps were taken from one of the nurses with a camera before nodding to the doctor.
“I’m not sure how comfortable I feel that you are taking pictures of my sister’s backside,” muttered Princess Celestia.
“Relax, Princess. I do it with every celebrity I meet. See, I even did it with you,” he said as he pointed to a wall full of shots of him with various patients butts. She could see well known names such as “Fancy Pants”, “Trenderhoof”, “Spitfire”, “Daring Do”, and even her own name... with her butt taking more than 3/4ths of the picture.
Note to self. Make a law that states it’s illegal to have a princess’s rump posted in all forms of visual media thought Celestia.
“Now let’s shove in this little fella and see what’s inside,” he said as he levitated the camera in his grasp and began to push away Luna’s tail. Celestia quickly turned away. Even if it was for the betterment of her sister, she didn’t want to see the private area of her own flesh and blood.
Of course, accidently seeing the video feed of the inside of her sister’s anal area was not even better. Resisting the urge to let lose her breakfast, Celestia closed her eyes and hoped that this would hurry up.
“Hmm, according to this she has three active polyps,” said Doctor Feels as he took out a surgery knife. “Now comes the fun part!”
“You cut them out?” asked Celestia.
“We prefer the term ‘rip’.”
Doctor Feels rubbed his hooves on a job well done as his nurses began to clean the area up. Princess Luna was just waking from her sleep as she yawned and scratched herself. A beaming smile appeared on her face as she got up on her four hooves and stretched. “I feel better then ever! As if I am feeling free for the first time in my life! This colonoscopy thing really did the trick!”
“Told ya it wasn’t going to be a problem,” said Princess Celestia with a smile.
“Indeed. And what better way to test this new colon out then by dining at Hay Burger’s Restaurant in Ponyville! Come, Sister! Let us make haste!” shouted Luna as her horn began to glow.
Doctor Feel’s eyes open wide as he reached out and shouted, “Wait, Princess! The camera and video screen are-”
And in a flash, Luna was gone.
“... still attached... to your rump... oh boy.”
***
“PRINCESS OF THE NIGHT MOONS FAST FOOD PLACE! INSIDES OF LUNA’S BUTT REVEALED TO ALL! CROWN TO PAY FOR THERAPY!”
Princess Celestia sighed as she levitated the paper away while glancing at her sister who was trying to drown herself in scrambled eggs. “Well, look at it this way, Luna. At least they got your good side.”
“... kill me...”
Author's Note
Inspired by the Simpsons and I just wanted to do something simple and funny.