The Equestrian Event

"Jay!" Twilight called out through tight lips. "Jay, get back here!"

"Why?" Jay asked, casually walking past the pair of guards posted near the palace's front entrance. "I thought we were going to get lunch."

"I don't think-" Twilight began to say when she had caught up to the human.

"That it's a good idea for me to be walking around in public?" Jay asked, cutting her off. "That's what you were going to say, right?"

"Well, yes," Twilight said.

"You heard Celestia," Jay said as he continued walking. "I'm just a tourist now. And as ‘just a tourist,’ I want to sample the local flavor."

"You mean to tell me that you have no care whatsoever that you weren't allowed on the investigation? Or that they made you hand over all of your evidence?" Twilight asked.

"No," Jay said, stretching out the word. "I just said that I wanted to get some lunch." The sound of distant construction caught his attention and he began to look for the source.

"So you are mad?" Twilight continued to prod.

"What part of, 'I want lunch,' is not getting through to you?" Jay asked. "Do you hear that?” He turned around and scanned the towers of the palace.

Hanging from the turret that overlooked the city was a crew of ponies wearing bright yellow hard-hats and orange vests. It looked like they were replacing some of the pipes that ran through tower.

“I didn’t realize you guys had power tools,” Jay said, turning back around.

"What was that anyway?" Twilight asked, oblivious to Jay’s comment. "You were supposed to persuade them to let you help, not make up stories about you being from another planet! I can’t believe you only brought two folders worth of material! They weren’t even full!"

“Right." Jay rolled his eyes, giving up on his attempts to change the subject. “The bottom line is that I was trying to make a point."

"What point?" Twilight asked. "That you're insufferable?"

“Ouch," Jay said, clutching at his chest in a joking fashion. "Take it easy with the insults. I’ll have you know that I’m quite fragile."

"Seriously," Twilight said, her brow furrowing. "That whole 'winging it' thing, kind of short sighted."

"In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king," Jay said, now studying the clouds that were lazily passing over the sun.

"What does that even mean?" Twilight asked, her cheeks burning with a reddish hue.

“I may be short sighted-” Jay covered his left eye with one hand “-but at least I can see.” He let his hand fall back to his side and looked to the buildings ahead. “But you heard 'em. They said they can handle this thing without my help.

Twilight let out an exasperated huff and clenched her jaw.

“Oh come on,” Jay said, leaning in close to Twilight, who instinctively recoiled. “Don’t be like that. How about you pick where we eat?”

“I didn’t bring any bits,” Twilight said, pushing Jay back with her hoof. “So if we do eat anywhere, you’re paying for it.”

“Fair enough,” Jay said as they stepped onto the sidewalk that ran along the right side of the street. “What’s good around here?”

“Well, there’s a burger place not to far from here that’s pretty good,” Twilight said, reading the closest street sign. “I would sometimes stop there between study sessions when I used to live here.”

“Did you just say that you have burger joints around here?” Jay said, his eyes widening to a degree that didn’t seem quite right. “I’ve got to see this!”

“You’re impressed by the fact that we have fast-food?” Twilight asked, her previous hostility beginning to fade.

“Let’s just say that you’ve caught my attention,” Jay said, smiling.

Twilight, suddenly more aware of her immediate surroundings, could see that they had already passed multiple ponies. It was clear that many of them were making no attempt to hide their stares from the pair. Twilight’s head began to sink, much like earlier that morning. Seeing this, Jay gave her a light tap on the shoulder.

“Don’t let them bother you,” he said. “It’s me they’re watching, remember?”

“I don’t do well under pressure,” Twilight said, chewing at her lower lip.

“I never noticed,” Jay said, checking his watch for the umpteenth time that day. “You just don’t do well with the pressure you put on yourself, that’s all.”

“That’s still pressure,” Twilight said through clenched teeth.

“Fine,” Jay said dismissively, “have it your way.”

Rather than continue concerning himself with Twilight’s repertoire of antsiness, Jay instead decided to focus on the attractions around him. The first thing he noticed was the fact that, much like the palace they had just come from, most of the buildings within the city possessed the same sense of grandeur. Shades of purple and marbled white rose in the form of curving stone walls that lined the cobbled streets. Many of the roofs were capped with golden domes, others with elegant stone tiling. Everything about the place seemed like it was pulled from the imagination of someone who had never heard the word “modesty” in their life.

“You said you used to live around here?” Jay asked. “The rent must have been murder, especially for a student.”

“My expenses are paid for by a fund set up by Celestia,” Twilight replied. “It’s nothing much. Just enough for housing and food.”

“Just one of the perks of being the Princess’s favorite student, I suppose,” Jay said as he observed the multitude of shop signs hanging above the sidewalk.

Passing one of the store fronts, he heard a sudden chime of a bell and felt a firm object crash abruptly into his side, forcing him to stumble backwards. Still on his feet, Jay looked to see what it was that had interrupted his stroll. Sprawled on the ground in front of the shop door was a pale yellow unicorn with a garish purple and lavender mane.

“Oh, pardon me ma'am,” Jay apologized as he bent over to help the mare up. “I didn’t see you th-”

“Don’t touch me you ruffian!” the mare shouted, springing to her feet. Looking over herself frantically, she dusted off the pink sweater that was tied around her neck and worn over a white blouse.

“Excuse me?” Jay asked, a look of surprise forming on his face.

“What’s going on here?” asked a grey unicorn who had just come out of the shop after the mare.

His outfit was similar to that of the mare’s, the only difference being that his shirt was green and the sweater around his neck a stark white. He was also sporting a pair of large, blue glasses.

“This ‘thing’ knocked me to the ground,” the mare spat. “It was probably trying to rob me.”

“You fiend!” The stallion placed his his hoof over his chest.

“I’m sorry,” Twilight said, cautiously easing her way into the dispute. “I think there may have been a slight misunderst-.”

“You!” The mare pointed her hoof accusingly at Twilight. “Is this creature your pet? Where are you from?”

“Well, I’m from Ponyville and my friend and I were-” Twilight began to explain.

“Ponyville?” the stallion scoffed. “I should have guessed as much. You dirty country folk are always finding a way to sneak in here!”

Twilight lowered her ears and began to back away.

“Whoa, time out,” Jay said, raising his hands defensively. “First of all, I am not a pet. Secondly, your friend ran into me. And thirdly -” he turned to Twilight, a confused smile forming on his face “-you guys have classism here? That’s... actually kind of refreshing.”

“What gives you the right to talk us that way?” the mare asked in a pompous, nasally voice.

“Free speech, I think?” Jay said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I can’t remember if I read about that or not.”

“I have half a mind to call the guard on you for such brutish behavior,” the stallion huffed. By now, many of the ponies on the street were beginning to take notice of the commotion. A small crowd started to gather around the group.

“Oh, I’d say that you’ve got less than half from the sound of it,” Jay said, crossing his arms, the smile he previously wore now warped. Twilight looked up at his face and shook her head in alarm.

“Nopony insults me! Do you even know who I am?” the stallion said, taking a step forward.

“First time for everything,” Jay said shrugging his shoulders. “Look, let’s just put this little accident behind us. I want apologize for bumping into your friend. But I also think you should apologize to Twilight for those things you said.”

“I most certainly will not,” the stallion said in disgust and began to trot away. “Come dear, we will be late for-”

Before he could take two steps, Jay had grabbed the stallion by the neck and used his arm to pull him in close. Leaning into the stallion’s ear, he whispered a few quick sentences. He talked quietly enough so no one else could hear, but clearly enough that the recipient understood the message. When a faint whimper of compliance had escaped from the stallion’s lips, Jay released him.

The other ponies who had viewed the spectacle stared in shock. The stallion shakily trotted up to Twilight, who was now just as wide eyed as the others, and began to speak.

“I- I want to... apologize for my behavior toward you earlier. It was not... becoming of a pony such as myself. I- I hope you can forgive me.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jay said. He patted the stallion on the back, hard enough that he winced. “You have a pleasant day now.”

Jay walked through the ring of ponies that had gathered during the dispute and stopped to see if Twilight was following.

“You coming?” he asked, a small grin on his face, as if nothing had happened.

Twilight’s head darted back and forth between the grey stallion, who was still trembling as his companion scolded him, and Jay, who was gesturing for her to hurry up. Lowering her head to the ground, Twilight made her way to the human, doing her best to avoid eye-contact with the other ponies.

After the two of them had traveled a few more blocks, Twilight finally spoke up.

“What did you say to him?” she asked in a low voice.

“What did I say to who?” Jay asked, unblinking.

“You know very well who!” Twilight said, raising her voice.

“You mean that guy back there?” Jay said, still looking forward. “I just explained the benefits of being a gentleman. Opened his eyes to why you should be a respectful person.” He paused for a moment as they kept walking.

“I also told him the consequences of being a pretentious little shit.”

“You can’t do things like that,” Twilight said, a frown forming on her face. “You’re going to get yourself in trouble if you insist on acting out.”

“I’ll accept the just consequences of my actions,” Jay said. He cinched up the strap on his shoulder bag. “But only if others accept theirs.”

Twilight opened her mouth to respond, but said nothing.

After about another minute, they came upon a diner sitting on the street corner. The green sign above the door read “Patty’s Patties.”

“Is this the place?” Jay asked, reading the sign.

“Yes,” Twilight said, opening the door. “Try not to get us kicked out, okay?”

“No promises,” Jay said as he walked in.

To Jay, the restaurant looked like any other fast food burger shack. Rows of tables lined the side walls, wooden chairs surrounding them. At the front was the register, a printed menu hanging from the ceiling above it. The only thing that didn’t seem familiar, was the smell.

Sitting behind the register was a glazy eyed, white unicorn. She was wearing a green cap and polo, along with a white name tag labeled “Minty.”

“Welcome to Patty’s Patties,” she said in a monotonous voice. “May I take your order?”

“Hello, I’d like to order a number two,” Twilight said. “Extra fries, please.”

“Sure thing,” Minty said. She wrote down the order on a piece of paper and passed a cup to Twilight from behind the counter. She then looked Jay over for a moment before speaking. “What are you supposed to be?”

“Just another paying customer,” Jay said. He looked down at his watch and tapped its glass face.

“Whatever,” Minty said dismissively, rolling her eyes. “What do you want?”

“Let’s see,” Jay said as he looked over the menu. Once he found what appeared to be the largest item, he smiled. “I’ll take a number three. Cheese, mustard, no mayo, and hold the tomato, please.”

“Sure thing,” sighed Minty. She wrote the order down on the same piece of paper and placed it on the rack behind her. She tapped a few keys on the register, placed another cup on the counter, and looked up at Jay. “That’ll be twelve bits. Which of you is paying?”

“That’d be me,” Jay said as he rummaged through his satchel before pulling out a small pouch. “What is this worth?” He removed a large red gem from the pouch and placed it on the counter.

Minty’s eyes widened at the sight of the glistening stone, her mouth hanging agape. She looked from the gem, to Jay, and then back at the gem.

“I- I don’t think we have enough in the register to give you proper change,” Minty stammered.

“Keep the change,” Jay said, placing the pouch back in his bag. He picked up his cup from the counter and walked over to the drink fountain nearby. “You have a nice day.”

Twilight took her cup as well and hurried to Jay’s side, while Minty rushed to the kitchen with both the gem and the order ticket.

“Where did you get that from?” Twilight asked, eyeing Jay’s bag.

“I was in a mine full of gems for six months,” Jay said, filling his cup from the spout labeled “Cola.” “I had some free time.”

“How many did you take?” Twilight asked filling her own cup. They both walked over to one of the tables and took their seats.

“Just a few handfuls,” Jay said. He took a sip from his drink and smiled. “Not bad. A little sweet though.”

“Anything else you want to share?” Twilight asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Not at the moment,” Jay said, leaning back in his chair. “Besides, I like to have surprises in stock. I find it keeps things interesting.”

At that moment, Minty trotted over to their table with two trays of food. She set one in front of each of them and quickly trotted away.

“Right,” Jay said as he began to remove the paper that was wrapped around the burger. “Let’s see what we-”

Jay stopped talking when he saw the burger itself. He could feel his eye beginning to twitch involuntarily. Twilight took notice.

“Is something wrong?” she asked through a mouthful of food.

“Twilight,” Jay said, still staring at the burger. “What is this?”

“What do you mean?” Twilight asked, taking another bite.

“Why is my burger made out of hay?” Jay said, lifting up the bun. “And how does it still manage to be greasy?”

“It’s a hayburger,” Twilight said. “That’s what you wanted, right?”

“I wanted a burger,” Jay said. He placed the sandwich back onto the tray. “I never said anything about it being made out of hay. I’m not even sure that I can eat this.”

“What did you expect it to be made of?” Twilight took a sip of her drink and dug into her fries.

“Something besides dry grass,” Jay said. He picked up one of the fries that had come with his order and held it up to his face. “And what the hell is this? You make your fries out of hay too?”

“That’s why they call them hay fries,” Twilight said. “By the way you were talking earlier, I would have thought that you’ve eaten at a burger place before.”

“I have,” Jay said, planting both of his hands firmly on the table. “Why can’t you guys at least make fries out of potatoes like normal people? Why would I want a side that is the exact same thing that is inside the rest of my food?” He sunk back into his chair, letting out a heavy sigh.

“So…” Twilight said, tapping her hooves together. She had already finished everything on her tray. “If you’re not going to eat it, then can I have it?”

“Fine. Knock yourself out.” Jay slid his tray over to Twilight. “I suppose it’s a good thing that I came prepared then.”

Reaching into his bag once more, Jay pulled out a small plastic box. Removing the lid, he held up what looked like a piece of reddish bark. From it, he tore a smaller piece and began to chew on it, smiling as he did.

“You won’t eat hay, but you have no problems with wood,” Twilight said.

“Oh, this isn’t wood, it’s-” Jay stopped chewing for a moment and thought about what he was going to say.

“It’s not wood.”

“What is it then?” Twilight asked, already half done with her new sandwich.

Jay let out a sigh and sealed the plastic box, placing it back into his bag.

“You guys are all herbivores, right?” he asked.

“I suppose…” Twilight answered, her chewing beginning to slow. “Why?”

“What does Spike eat, other than gems that is?” Jay asked. He crossed his arms and rested his elbows on the table. “The same things you do?”

“Pretty much,” Twilight said. She swallowed what was in her mouth and set the burger down. “What are you getting at?”

“I’m trying to figure out how you’ll react to the fact that I’m an omnivore,” Jay said flatly.

Twilight was silent for a moment, then let out a giggle.

“You mean to tell me that you eat bugs?” she laughed. “No wonder you act so strange.”

“I don’t eat bugs,” Jay said, causing Twilight to go silent again. He held up the piece of bark once more. “You really don’t know what this is, do you?”

“Please tell me it’s some kind of pastry…” Twilight said, biting her lip.

“It’s meat,” Jay said. He tore off another piece and chewed it as well, as if to punctuate the sentence.

“W-what k-kind of meat?” Twilight felt a shiver run down her spine.

“Jerky. Beef. Cow. Whatever you call it around here,” Jay said before he took a sip of his drink.

“Jay, that’s disgusting!” Twilight recoiled. “How can you eat another creature like that?”

“It’s just how I was made,” Jay said solemnly. He pulled back his lips to reveal his teeth. “Incisors for cutting, canines for tearing, and molars for grinding.” He took another bite of the jerky, causing Twilight to gag.

“You don’t eat-” Twilight began to say, a hoof covering her mouth.

“I don’t eat ponies,” Jay finished the sentence for her. “Or dragons, or cats, or dogs, or a whole mess of other animals for that matter.”

“But you eat cows…” Twilight trailed off.

“I eat plants, roots, and meat,” Jay said. “Just like many other omnivores. You’ve got raccoons, bears, and the likes around here, right? The only difference is, I don’t like my meat raw. It makes me sick.”

“I don’t really know how to respond to this,” Twilight said, turning away.

“If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t eaten any animals in Equestria,” Jay said, finishing off the last of the jerky. “I just brought some preserves from home. My conscience probably wouldn’t be very clear if I was eating something with a personality. Or that used to talk.”

“I... suppose that’s not as bad,” Twilight said. “Just unexpected. And still gross...”

From the front of the diner came the sound of a chime, signaling the entrance of someone new. Jay took a quick glance over and saw that it was a pair of guards from the palace. He gestured to Twilight to take notice. The two guards approached the table where the pair was sitting.

“Twilight Sparkle,” one of the guards said in greeting. “We need you to accompany us. Princess Celestia is in need of your assistance.”

“Really?” Twilight asked, surprised. “Alright, I guess. Come on Jay, let’s go.”

The other guard stepped in front of Jay, blocking him as he was getting out of his seat.

“Something wrong?” Jay asked, looking down at the guard.

“The Princess requested that Miss Sparkle come alone,” the second guard said. “You are to occupy yourself in the meantime.”

“How long will I be gone for?” Twilight asked.

“Celestia requested that you stay the night at the palace,” the first guard explained. “For what reason, she did not say.”

“What about Jay?” Twilight asked. “Where will he stay?”

“That is up to him,” the second guard replied.

“It’s okay, Twilight,” Jay said. “You go on ahead. I can find an inn or a hotel. Just send for me when you need me.”

“How will I know where you are?” Twilight asked.

“Probably the same way that our friends here knew where to find us.” Jay gave a knowing look to the guards. “I’m sure the Princess doesn’t want me causing to much of a ruckus. You’ll know where I am.”

“I guess I’ll see you later then,” Twilight said with a mixture of both hesitation and relief. “Don’t burn the city down, alright?” She and the two guards made their way to the door.

“I'll do my best,” Jay said, raising a hand in goodbye.

Once they had left, Jay looked over the table and sighed. He gathered all the waste onto one tray and tossed the pile into the trash. He hung onto his cup though, refilling it as he passed the drink fountain. He then made his way to the front counter where Minty was still standing, a nervous smile on her face.

“Anything I can do for you, sir?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Jay said, pulling out his pen and notebook. “Do you know of any decent inns around here? Any that don’t get a lot of guests at one time, perhaps?”

“Oh, of course sir,” Minty said. The grin she was wearing didn’t quite seem to fit her face. “There’s a smaller family owned inn just across town. The owners are quite nice. I’m sure they’ll have no problem having you stay there.”

“Across town you say,” Jay remarked. He clicked the pen and placed the point of it against the notebook. “What’s the name?”

“Reasonable Rooms,” Minty said. “If you take a left down the street at Stallion’s Crossing, just keep walking and you’ll hit it after a while. Should be on your right.”

“Take a left at Stallion’s Crossing,” Jay mumbled to himself as he wrote the information down in the notebook. “Alright, thank you Miss Minty.” He placed the notebook and pen back in his bag and proceeded to make his way to the door.

Once he was outside, Jay checked his watch and saw that it was only about two in the afternoon. Seeing that most of the clouds overhead had cleared, he noticed how bright it was. Reaching into his bag yet again, he pulled out a small case. Opening it revealed a simple, yet stylish, pair of black sun shades. Putting them on, Jay began to walk down the sidewalk once more and smiled.

“Let’s see what else the Canterlot has to offer,” he thought to himself.