After some time at the Gala, Discord was beginning to feel like himself again. Right now, he was content to drift above the ballroom floor and pony-watch, tossing in a minor prank or complication if somepony seemed unusually boring. He still felt the occasional twinge of guilt at disappointing Fluttershy, but it was rather like a paper-cut at this point -- occasionally annoying, but mostly you forgot it was there.
Guilt, he had recently decided, was his least-favorite thing about friendship. At first, he'd bristled most at the loss of freedom, but now he almost enjoyed the restrictions -- it was a whole new type of challenge. How many tricks he could pull before somepony noticed or complained? It was like forcing himself to paint using only shades of purple, or write without using the letter "e" -- the limits made success all the more satisfying, and often even funnier.
For example, roughly twenty seconds ago he had quietly enchanted Sir Colton Vines' rear left hoof. The limb now lost all traction every twelfth step the foppish stallion took. Previously, Discord would simply have greased all four of Colton's hooves and watched him careen across the floor, but now that almost seemed lazy. It was good for a laugh, certainly, but it was over so quickly. It took some time before anypony figured out that something was going wrong one time in twelve, so his current prank should provide some prolonged entertainment.
It was a good thing he didn't know Colton particularly well, or he might have felt guilty.
Guilt was far worse than restrictions. You couldn't turn guilt into a game. Discord knew that for a fact; he had tried once. He had challenged himself to see how quickly he could stop feeling guilty, but he found that only made it worse. Guilt was thoroughly annoying that way -- the more you tried to get rid of it it, the worse it seemed to get.
All in all, if one thing became a deal-breaker for this "friendship" experiment, it would be guilt.
As Colton took another near-spill, Discord's eye caught Twilight standing (as usual) next to Celestia. The younger princess had an odd expression as she addressed Celestia. She looked...afraid? No, that wasn't quite it. Discord drifted closer for a better look.
...Oh. Of course. She looked guilty.
"I'm sorry, Princess Celestia. I thought I could give you a break tonight, but it turns out I was in over my head."
Right. Twilight had tried to do something nice for Celestia, and it hadn't worked out, so now she felt guilty.
No sooner had Discord finished the thought than he felt guilty too. Damnation! Guilt multiplied! It always seemed the more friends you had, the guiltier you felt. How did anyone function like this? Pinkie Pie claimed to be friends with everyone in Ponyville. How did that mare even set hoof outside!?
"You have nothing to apologize for," Celestia's voice drifted up from below. "This has been the most fun Gala in years!"
What!? Oh, right -- polite lies. Fluttershy had told Discord about those. That was another thing you were supposed to do for friends. Sometimes. To spare their feelings. But then, sometimes not. That was yet another thing Discord still didn't understand.
"I know, it was a- what?!" Twilight's eyes bulged in surprise, and Discord guffawed. Twilight was hilarious when confused -- most smart beings were, generally. "But there was ooze all over the place! And one of the guests threatened to send somepony to another dimension!"
"Threatened" was a strong word -- he'd just thought of a solution and proposed it, really. And anyway, weren't polite lies supposed to be believable?
"I know!" Celestia replied, without a trace of her usual anger. "Can you imagine how dull it would have been if I hadn't invited Discord?" she laughed.
Celestia laughed.
"Come on! Whoo!"
Celestia laughed.
"The night is still young!" A loose feather brushed across her face as she shoved Twilight toward the dance floor, giggling like a young filly.
Celestia laughed.
Have I ever heard...? Discord didn't even need to finish the thought. Of course he'd never heard Celestia laugh. That was like asking if he'd ever seen rainclouds underground.
Actually, I have seen rainclouds underground, some distant, idle part of him thought. I put them there. He didn't remember if he'd had a particular reason -- it was just something to do.
Celestia didn't laugh! She worried (which was funny), she growled (which was even funnier). On a good day, Discord could even make her shout (which was hilarious), but she didn't laugh.
And yet, now she did. She trotted her way onto the dance floor, passing Applejack, who called something to her that Discord couldn't hear. Her tail gently rocked as another ring of laughter reached his ears.
Celestia. Laughed.
And what was more, it seemed so...natural. Fitting. If you'd asked Discord five minutes ago what Celestia's laugh might sound like, his imagination would have failed him (which was saying something). But now it was so obvious, he couldn't believe he'd missed it. It was like her voice was made to laugh, and she just used it to talk, the way you might use a book as a doorstop.
How had he ever believed that Celestia didn't laugh?
"Discord!" came an angry voice from behind him. Fluttershy -- it was Fluttershy. He was pretty sure, anyway. He hadn't turned to look.
"Hm?" Below, Celestia's sides quivered as she tried unsuccessfully to stifle another peal of laughter.
"Did you enchant Sir Vines' hoof to slip every tenth step?"
"What? No." Discord heard himself say. "Oh, um, I mean 'yes'. Yes, I did do that. Sorry." It was actually every twelfth step, but close enough.
"Well you break that spell right now, mister!"
"'Kay." he snapped his fingers. Somewhere below and to his left came a dull thud. That might have been Colton.
Celestia had stopped laughing for now, and glided across the dance floor with a brilliant smile on her face. Had he even seen her *smile*? If he had, he'd forgotten it. So he couldn't have. Seen her smile, that is.
"Um...Discord? Are you okay?" Fluttershy's voice sounded more concerned this time. He was probably gawking, he realized. He closed his mouth and pulled himself upright, then tore his eyes from Celestia and turned to his puzzled friend.
"Celestia laughed!" That probably didn't answer Fluttershy's question, but it was the best he could do for now.
"Oh. Um...good?" Fluttershy hovered in the air uncertainly.
"Good? That's it? Good!?"
"Um...great?" Fluttershy tried again.
"I covered her kingdom in cotton-candy clouds and chocolate rain!" he said, bewildered. "I flipped the entire town of Ponyville upside-down, then flipped half of it back again! I moved the sun and the moon into a portable backdrop and carried them around like signaling flags! I replaced a third of the Canterlot ledgers with the Griffon translation of assembly instructions for cheap furniture!"
"That was you!" Twilight's outraged voice sounded from below. Discord must be speaking louder than he realized.
"And now I get a laugh out of her? Now, when all I did was spread some ooze over a ballroom and tell a few failed jokes? Now she laughs? This doesn't make sense!"
What fun is there in making sense? came a dim echo from his memory.
"Oh. Well...those were all dangerous, scary things," Fluttershy replied. "All this was just a little bit scary. No one was really going to get hurt, so I think she's a lot less worried now." Fluttershy gestured to where Celestia was dancing.
"Wait a second," Discord shook his head, trying to clear it. "You're telling me that when I do things that are a little bit scary and dangerous, Celestia likes it. But when I do those exact same things, but just do them more, she hates it instead?" he asked, incredulous.
"Um, well...yes?"
Discord sputtered for a few moments, then finally gave up with an exasperated sigh. "I will never understand ponies! I need a drink!" Discord blinked his eyes, and suddenly hovered directly over the punch table. Ignoring the serving-stallion's yelp of surprise, he grabbed a cup and poured himself a glass of something purplish while taking several deep, intentional breaths. What was wrong with this world? Suddenly realizing that he wasn't nearly finished ranting, he blinked again, returning to his spot next to Fluttershy, and continued.
"I swear, you all say I don't make sense!" Twilight, surprised, darted away from his returning form -- she must have flown up to check on Fluttershy in the few seconds he'd been gone. "I pull out every joke I know, give one of the best performances of my life, and you turn me to stone! Then I have my worst night of gags in three centuries, and I finally get a laugh out of the most uptight, straight-laced, grim-faced of all of you!"
Discord slid the punch out of its glass and into his hand, and began idly muching it. He wasn't exactly hungry, but it was at least something to do while he talked.
"At least I admit that I don't make sense. Heck, that's my thing. You all, though -- you tell me to follow your rules, break your rules, and ignore them in the same breath.
'Don't lie! Unless it's to protect your friend's feelings! But sometimes lying to protect their feelings is the worst thing you can do! But other times, it's the only good thing to do!'
'Don't put anything out of place, and always stay in line! Unless you get a little out of place, that's actually good! But make sure it's not too little, that's just annoying!'
You all just pretend to make sense, and you don't even pretend very well!
But I thought I at least understood her," Discord waved his paw toward where Celestia was conversing with one of the Canterlot nobles. "Wants everything prim and proper, neat and in its exact place. I start moving things around, pop, turned to stone. Sister-" his eyes darted back to Celestia, and he lowered his voice from a shout to an angry half-whisper. "Sister gets out of line, pop, off to the moon. Everything must run on time, like a precise little clock.
She surprised me a little when she decided to chisel me out, but I figured it was just a project for the sake of her ego." Discord snapped his claws, and a (passingly accurate) image of Celestia replaced his own form. "'Look at me, I'm Celestia, the most orderly and controlling ruler in history. I'm such a control-freak that I managed to turn the spirit of chaos himself into a loyal, obedient drone-subject'," he finished, returning to his own shape.
"She's not like that at all!" Twilight was suddenly hovering in Discord's face. Well, at least she was acting like herself.
"...Says Ponyville's biggest control-freak," finished Discord. Beside him, he heard Fluttershy stifle a giggle. Discord hurried forward, before Twilight could interrupt again.
"And now, after all that, she wants me to cause chaos? She wants me to make messes? She finally laughs at my work? Is this some sort of practical joke?" he paused, struck by a sudden thought. "Actually, is this a practical joke? Because that would honestly be kind of brilliant."
"What? No!" Twilight interjected. "Discord," she continued, more softly. She was looking at him angrily. No, not angry -- concerned. "Celestia didn't set you free just so she could control you again. She wanted to set you free. She knew how awful it was for you, being imprisoned. She knew how unhappy you were. She wanted to believe you could be reformed, so she wouldn't have to keep you locked up."
"What? That's ridiculous! Why would she ever believe that? Why would she ever even care? I'm her enemy!"
"You were her enemy," Fluttershy insisted.
"Fine, I was her enemy! Why would she care about how I felt? Why would she want to set me free? Why would she ever trust me? What did I ever do to deserve any of that?"
"Nothing," said Twilight gently. "That's just the way she is."
Discord turned away from Twilight, rolling his eyes in exasperation. Yes, he'd been right; it was just no use trying to understand ponies.
But then again...if he could make Celestia laugh like that, this "friendship" thing might just be worth it.
