Daring Do and the Goggles of Shippingby CoffeeMinionChaptersRotten TimingShipping GogglesHot PursuitRole ReversalEpilogueRotten TimingDaring Do blinked sweat from her eyes as she studied the artifact. Its large, rusty frames rested on a sandstone pillar at the center of the chamber. Twin lenses glinted in a beam of light lancing down from the cavern's ceiling . The only missing detail was its linen head-strap, which must have withered to strings by untold centuries spent deep underground. “I have you now,” she whispered, smirking as she reached for the goggles. There was a flash as Discord appeared on the stone path just outside of Fluttershy’s cottage. Garish sunlight reflected off the notecards he’d been studying, causing him to squint and look around at his sunny, green surroundings. “I usually end up inside,” he muttered, looking back down at them. He flipped through a couple of the cards before settling on one he particularly liked. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly. “‘Fluttershy, there was a time when my heart was... as stony as that time I turned to stone...’ Ugh, what dreck.” He paused, shuffling a few cards. “‘Fluttershy, the times when you and I get together for Tuesday tea have come to mean the world to me...’” “That’s… really nice,” a small voice interrupted. Discord startled, dropping the cards. He spun around. Fluttershy was standing right behind him. Discord panicked as she looked down at the fallen cards. With a snap of his paw, they folded in the middle and flapped away, like birds. She smiled as she watched them go. “So, um, your letter said you wanted me to come over to your house? To… talk about something?” Discord brushed a nonexistent piece of dirt off his chest. “Well, you know, if you’re not busy...” “There’s noplace I’d rather be.” “WOOT!” Fireworks erupted around Discord as he squeezed his eyes shut and pumped a fist in the air. After a moment, he peeked an eye open, cleared his throat, and dispelled them. “Ah, sorry. Well then, step a little closer if you please?” She did, and gave him a small smile that was half-obscured by her flowing pink mane. His heart beat faster at the sight of it. He snapped his claw… “...and here we are,” Discord said, as he and Fluttershy flashed into being on a tiny island perched within a realm of swirling purple madness. He spared a glance at the neighboring island—which was floating upside-down that day—before looking up at the peak of his nearby home’s high yellow roof with an uneasy sense of pride. “I’m glad to finally show you the place. I can’t remember the last time I had company...” “Discord?” He frowned at her wide-eyed expression. She raised a hoof. “The… sky…” He waved his paw dismissively at the insensate firmament. “It takes some getting used to, but at least there aren’t any alicorn princesses raising and lowering one thing or another on some schedule.” She turned and studied the ground itself. “It’s an island... and that other one…” “Well, I’ll grant you that the neighborhood has gone a bit downhill since I bought the place.” She jumped and made an “Eep!” sound as something resembling a turquoise whale flew overhead on orange wings. He knuckled his brow. “Maybe we should head inside?” “Yes please,” she said, starting down the short path to his door. He cleared his throat as he bent sideways to open it for her. “After you?” He tried not to let his eyes linger too long on her flank as she stepped inside. Instead he looked from his white coffee table with a giant hole through the middle, to the room’s stone staircases—both of which ran upside-down—to the gnarled orange and black couch that served as the room’s only decent place to sit. He cursed under his breath, wishing he had changed it all before having her over. Fluttershy smiled back at him. “I don’t think I understand it, but… it suits you.” Discord blushed, turning his entire body a shade of deep crimson for a few moments. “Oh, thank you. You don’t know what it means to hear that.” She stepped over to a small glass case hanging on the wall, holding what looked like an ancient, ragged pair of pants. “What’s this?” He grinned and slithered over to it. “This, my dear, is my personal favorite from my ‘arts and crafts’ period a few millennia ago.” Fluttershy bent lower, studying a metal sign below it. “‘The… Trousers of... Defenestration.’” Discord slapped one of his knees. “A riot, every single time.” He whistled as he did an impression of a pony being hurled out of a window, then slapped his paw and claw together to signify hitting the ground. Fluttershy frowned. “I don’t think the pony wearing them would feel that way.” Discord’s smirk abated. “Listen, Fluttershy… that was in the past! You and your friends have shown me the… uh, magic of friendship, and…” He paused, remembering that one of his notecards had started that way. “Er, you, just you, have shown me something even more special—” She glanced around his living room. “Was this… the only thing you made, like that?” Discord fidgeted. “Well, no… but Celestia got most of them when she turned me to stone. I hid a few others; ones that might have been a little… ill-advised.” Discord shrugged. “We all make mistakes…?” “That’s true.” She walked over and sat on the couch. “So, um… if it’s okay… could we talk about what you wanted to, earlier?” “I thought you’d never ask!” He crossed to the other side of the couch. “You see, Fluttershy…” She tilted her head. “Yes?” He tried desperately to remember the notecards. “Well… you and I have kept up correspondence for some time now… and we’ve gotten together for tea… and our conversations…” He paused and met her eyes again. Her lips began to curl into a tiny smile. “Oh, I can’t do this anymore!” he shouted. “Fluttershy, what I really want to say is…” A loud buzzing sound interrupted him. Fluttershy and Discord looked at each other in confusion. It repeated a few seconds later. “Oh, sorry, that’s me,” Discord said, reaching into a pocket that hadn’t been there a moment before. He pulled out a small pager, looked at its display, and scowled. “What is it?” Discord tried to psych himself out of worrying about it when she was right there… but then the pager buzzed again, and he began to worry about which item had turned up this time. His paw and claw clenched. “I… I’m sorry… but I really…. need to get that.” She leaned closer. “Is everything alright?” “Of course!” he lied. He could smell the floral shampoo in her long mane, and he wanted to run a paw through it, and he hoped he still might be able to soon. “I’ve just gotta go take care of something… minor, something definitely not of any real threat to Equestria or anything. Should take about… oh, five, ten minutes, tops?” Fluttershy settled back on the couch with a look of pure trust on her face. “Okay, I’ll just... be here.” Discord was all smiles as he walked out of his comfortable living room, but his scowl returned as he moved out of eyeshot. He ducked into a billiard room that had appeared of its own volition during the millennium he'd been turned to stone, and snapped his paw, conjuring a wooden plinth topped by a red rotary-dial telephone. He stalked over, snatched up the phone’s receiver, and began the painstaking process of dialing the numbers from the pager one by one. He tapped a claw against the floor as he waited for somepony to pick up. “Discord,” he said when asked his name. He rolled his eyes and craned his neck as he waited for the pony to go through their spiel. “Yes, yes, yes… but which one was it?” He paused as the pony on the other end tried desperately to convey bad news without earning a bad customer-service-survey result. “Well, that’s just wonderful.” He slammed the phone down and dismissed it from existence. Not for the first time did he question whether he really wanted to retain a magical monitoring service for the resting-places of his old creations. But then he thought of Fluttershy, and her kindness, beauty… and mortality. In the wrong hooves, there were so many ways that what he’d built millennia ago could be used against her world. And that was why he retained the service. Discord scratched his chin, pondered how he wanted to make his entrance, and flashed out of the room. Shipping GogglesNo sooner had Daring Do slipped the goggles into her saddlebag than she heard the sound of hooves scraping on the dry, stony ground behind her. She gritted her teeth and bent her legs in preparation for being jumped. The only questions on her mind were which adversary had tracked her movements this time, and how many henchponies had they brought? "Good afternoon, Ms. Do," a smooth, familiar voice said from somewhere behind her. Daring Do grinned as she turned to face him. "Why, Dr. Caballeron, did you put on a clean shirt just for me? If you wanted to get close you should've shaved that stubble, too." He laughed, tossing his black and gray-streaked mane. "Ms. Do, I fear that now might not be..." The henchponies must have been cued to drop on the word "now." Daring Do felt a heavy blow hit her between her shoulders, and had only a moment to curse herself for letting the cue pass unnoticed before she was pulled to the ground. Strong hooves wrapped around her legs and forced her face into the rough, dirty floor. She began to feel the telltale burn of ropes being secured around her hind legs. She gritted her teeth and fought to suck in a deep breath. "You bucking thief!" "My apologies for having the boys drop in like this, Ms. Do, but I was under the correct impression that your trademark hat might obscure your upward view. And time was of the essence with this job. Gentlecolts, if you please?" She squirmed as a rough hoof pressed her saddlebag against her flank. After a few moments of rummaging, the pressure lessened. "Here, boss!" Daring Do managed to grind her head to one side despite the harsh force pressing her face and shoulder into the dirt. She snarled as Caballeron took the goggles from the outstretched hoof of a light-colored henchpony. Caballeron looked around at the others. "Now then, if she is secure, please back away from her immediately. If my calculations are correct, we ought to be expecting company in three, two..." A sudden burst of light heralded Discord’s arrival in the cave. He struck a wide-armed pose, rustling the flowing robe of red and matching cap that he’d selected. Making a concerted effort not to be distracted by the sight of a tied-up orange mare in a tan shirt on the ground before him, he threw his head back and began to shout, “Nopony expects the—” “...one.” Discord snarled with annoyance at having his entrance ruined. He turned to see a black-maned stallion with too much stubble lower a pair of weathered, bronze-rimmed goggles down over his eyes. Discord opened his mouth, put-downs at the ready. But then he recognized the goggles. His fingers twitched and sparked as he tried to think of what he could summon to fend them off. The boundless possibilities of Chaos all collided in his head, fueling his desperation to find just the right thing that would balance effectiveness with absurdity. A bow-wave of magical force projected outward from the goggles as they settled into place over the stallion's eyes. Discord turned, shielding his face, and happened to glance down at the mare again. A moment passed as they stared at each other with slack-jawed expressions. Neither of them blinked. They began to study each other's bodies with hungry eyes. Daring Do was the first to smile, though her grin was more seductive than friendly. "Well hello, long-tall-and-serpentine. Do forgive me if I don't extend more of a welcome; I'm just a bit... tied up at the moment." Discord touched his paw to his head and blinked a few times, battling dizziness. But then it cleared. He grinned and snapped his claw, causing his outfit to be replaced by a pair of white silk boxers that were covered in a pattern of red hearts. "Forgive you, dear? Why, that would mean you've done something you shouldn't." Her giggle was anything but innocent. "Oh, don't tempt me; I would love to. But again, you see..." She shrugged as best she could under the circumstances. Caballeron raised the goggles and threw his head back in a triumphant burst of laughter. “Daring Do, let it not be said that I am unkind. For though I steal your prize, I leave you with a heart you have long coveted. Come, gentlecolts! Let us go before our presence becomes burdensome to the happy couple!" "Ta-ta," Daring Do called after Caballeron and his henchponies. She turned a predatory grin on Discord. "You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to meet you this way" Discord extended a claw toward her, but hesitated. "Wait a minute... something isn't right here." She cooed and squirmed against her bonds. "I know, it's just so wrong..." Discord's cranium made a tinny rattling sound as he gave it a vigorous shake. "No, I mean... this isn't... I don't even know you!" "Oh, but I know all about you," she purred. “Your artifacts, your conquests…” "Oh, I love it when you..." He hesitated again. "No, this... is a spell. Chaos magic. That stallion... the goggles..." Daring Do moaned. "Be kind, lover! I’ve already waited my whole life to be with you." "Kindness," Discord whispered. "Fluttershy..." His eyes went wide, and he stood, clutching his head in pain. "I can’t fight the spell… the goggles are tied into my source of magic…” His eyes glazed, and he leaned back down to her, running a claw through her mane. Then just as quickly, he recoiled, shaking out his claw as if it had been burned. "Gah! There's no way to break the spell, short of..." "Giving in?" Discord looked down at her. His heart burned with a mixture of desire and revulsion. He reached his paw and claw toward her, and she stretched her head out to accept them… but then he slapped himself, and thought of Fluttershy, and grimaced as the spell began to take hold once again… “Only… way… out…” he said through gritted teeth. “Out? Oh, lover, why would you want out?” “Fluttershy....” Daring Do laughed. “Rainbow Dash’s friend? How ‘bout we make a deal… you give me what we both want now, and I’d be down with asking her to join us next time.” Discord’s eyes went wide as he felt himself beginning to lose the war inside his head. The mare before him was so ready and so willing... it was nothing like the careful dance he had to do with Fluttershy. The spell gripped him again. Visions of a life of bliss with the mare of his dreams surged through his mind. He brought his paw and claw up to his head as he realized that the mare of his dreams now wasn’t the same as before he’d been summoned to the cave. But he wanted those old dreams back. He wanted them badly enough to do the unthinkable. With his mind’s eye, he glimpsed the shifting, invisible, yet somehow multicolored cord connecting him to the primal force of Chaos. "I'm so sorry," he bellowed, as much for his own sake as anypony’s. He severed the cord. His body flailed as he was wracked by a pain that felt like claws digging into his intestines. Red light streamed from his mouth and eyes, piercing the cave’s gloom and casting crazy, dancing shadows all around. It lasted only a moment. Discord soon collapsed to the cool floor and lay panting. His body dripped with sweat. After a few seconds of silence, he heard a scraping sound off to his side. He looked up from the ground to see Daring Do trying to get her head far enough around to bite at her ropes. She noticed he was looking at her. "Well? Are you just going to lie there in a heap, or are you going to give me a hoof here?" Discord wobbled as he struggled to rise. He’d grown accustomed to drawing subtle amounts of power to help keep his body upright, and he felt much heavier without it. After a few tentative steps he collapsed again, breathing heavily. Daring Do stopped chewing on the rope. “What’s wrong? What did you do just now?” Discord lay in silence for a moment. “I severed my connection with Chaos.” She frowned. “What does that even mean?” Discord reached a shaky claw toward her bonds. “I don’t know. It was the only way to break the goggles’ spell. But...” He sliced the rope, and Daring Do began stretching out and massaging her bruised legs. “I guess… I might have to ask the princesses for help with this one.” Daring Do’s face hardened. “You make it sound so bad to not have everything under your control. How do you think I feel right now?!” Discord paused. “What was Dr. Stubble-Pants back there saying about ‘a heart you have long coveted?’” She bristled. “Oh, buck no. We are not going there.” He pointed his paw at her. “I’m no doctor, but I know a raw nerve when I hit one.” Daring Do tightened her jaw. “Look, all right, you caught me. I’m... a fan. I always have been.” Discord furrowed his brow. “Really?” She sighed. “Not that it matters right now. I have to stop Caballeron!” He nodded. “I didn’t know that anypony would enjoy dwelling on my past.” Daring Do shrugged. “I always liked your thing about ‘doing whatever you want, whenever you want.’ Not everypony in my life has been crazy about me leaving for months at a time to go on these adventures. But you inspired me to go after what I love, no matter what anypony thinks.” Discord looked away. “It can be a lonely road, doing whatever you want.” Daring Do reached a hoof toward him, hesitated, then set it back down. “I did meet Fluttershy, once. Very pretty. She’s… a lucky mare.” Discord's eyes widened. "I was only supposed to be gone for a few minutes." Daring Do cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?” His heart pounded. “At my house. I left her waiting.” “So what? She’s safe, right?” Discord clutched at her. “You don’t understand; my home dimension is a realm of madness. You’ve got to help me find a way back!” Daring Do batted Discord’s claws aside. “Look, there’s a village with a telegraph office and a train station about half a day’s journey north of here…” “Half a day?!” Daring Do frowned. “Listen, I’m sorry. We’ll get you back to her, but right now we have bigger problems.” Discord shook his head. “There’s nothing more important to me.” “Then come with me, and I’ll help you after we get the goggles back. If we leave now, we can probably catch Caballeron before his trail gets cold.” Discord nodded, then gave her a coy smile. “You just like having me around, don’t you?” She rolled her eyes. “Come on, loverboy,” she said, setting off toward the entrance. Hot PursuitThe cave eventually brought them to a narrow space at the bottom of a deep ravine. Daring Do and Discord flapped side-by-side as they ascended its sheer face. Daring Do paused about halfway up, cursing under her breath. “I can’t believe this. Look.” She moved closer to the stones and grabbed what at first looked like just another bit of foliage. But as she pulled it out into the light, Discord could see it was actually a thin but tightly-wound length of cable. She tossed it back against the wall. “How did I miss these when I flew down here?! Caballeron and his goons must have rappelled down and set up their ambush well in advance. He didn’t just drop in; he was playing me all along!” Discord furrowed his brow as they began flying upward again. “That’s hardly the worst of it. I’m the spirit of Chaos, and he played me like a fiddle.” He shook his head. “Poor Fluttershy. Somehow he knew I’d come as soon as somepony grabbed the goggles.” Daring Do looked downcast. “I don’t feel much better. He knew you were a threat. I was just a… distraction, to buy him time to get away.” Discord shook his head. “If he’s that prepared, he’ll probably expect some kind of ambush. What I did back there was only good once; if he ‘ships’ us again, I won’t be able to undo it.” Daring Do frowned. “But we have to take him quickly; he’s probably arranged to meet some other kind of transportation nearby.” The light intensified as they reached the top of the ravine. Discord turned in midair, taking in the sight of a nearby thicket of gnarled, leafless trees at the end of a few hundred yards of dry, cracked earth. The sun hung low and red behind the thicket, silhouetting ten tough stallions heading toward it. Daring Do grabbed him and pulled him to the ground. “Quiet! There they are. We have to think of something, fast!” Discord bristled at her rough treatment, but paused and scratched his beard as an idea began to take shape. “I say we walk right up to them, say hi, and try to grab the goggles.” “What?!” “Seriously, think about it! The last time he saw the two of us, we were about to… you know...” “I remember.” “Well, as far as he knows, we’re happily ‘shipped’ and ready to start popping out foals. Wouldn’t it seem natural to thank the pony who made that all possible for us?” Daring Do sighed and shook her head. “That... might work, if it doesn’t blow up in our faces. You are aware that all the concerns we just talked about apply to this plan too, right?” Discord grinned. “He’ll never see it coming.” She stood and set off toward the stallions. “Let’s pray to Celestia that it works.” Discord levered himself up on wobbly legs, resisting the urge to take a shot at old Sunbutt. It was still difficult for him to move normally without the steady trickle of Chaos magic to fuel his efforts, and he struggled to keep pace with her. “What’s taking you so long?” she called back to him. He chuckled. “Well, you know, I feel it adds a certain air of authenticity to, ah…” He waggled his hips as he greatly over-emphasized his struggle to keep walking. Daring Do rolled her eyes. “This isn’t helping us catch them.” Discord tossed his head imperiously. “Well, fine; if this is too much of a pain in the flank…” With that, he raised his claw to his mouth, and whistled. Daring Do gritted her teeth and raised her forehooves to her ears as he continued much longer than she expected. She turned to look at Caballeron’s distant henchponies, and deepened her grimace as she noticed them staring to turn around and head back toward them. Daring do lowered one hoof to the ground and grabbed his chest with the other. “Kiss me.” Discord flicked his eyes toward the stallions. He hesitated. She wasn’t the pegasus he wanted to hear that from... She rolled her eyes, raised her head, and pressed her lips against his. The experience was nothing but mechanical at first; worse, it made him feel sick, like he was betraying Fluttershy. Yet Discord couldn’t deny it felt invigorating to share a kiss with another being. His pulse quickened. He tried to block out the sensations, but Daring Do’s lips softened and pressed harder. Despite himself, he closed his eyes and— The sound of hooves snapped them out of the moment. Discord blinked, cleared his throat, and took a brief look around the milling circle of henchponies that had formed around the two of them. “Ahoy, mateys! Sorry about the lip-lock. I know, ‘get a room,’ right?” He jumped at the feel of being pinched near the base of his tail. He turned a look of shock at Daring Do, who was lowering her hoof slowly, leaving no doubt about who pinched him. She winked at him, and it was every bit as suggestive as he could hope for. “Daring Do, you are the last pony I expected to be seeing so soon.” An opening formed at one point of the circle, revealing a space not too far away where Caballeron stood with a hoof up near his face, ready to drop the goggles down over his eyes at a moment’s notice. “Perhaps our fine Draconequus was found… wanting?” Daring Do played with her mane. “Not at all, unless you mean ‘wanting’ more.” She tittered, and Discord’s jaw fell upon seeing how well she could play the lovestruck filly. Caballeron’s laughter did not touch his eyes. Sweat formed at his brow as he studied Discord. “Please, spare us the details… except to tell us why you have returned?” Discord collected himself. “I’ve got this one, dear. Dr. Caballeron… can I call you Dr. Caballeron?” “But of course.” “Dr. Caballeron, I’ve been dreaming of finding a special somepony, and thanks to you…” His thoughts drifted from the stolen kiss with Daring Do, back to the poor mare he’d left alone and in danger. “Dr. Caballeron, I created the goggles. I know secrets about them that nopony else does.” He swallowed. “If you’ll let me see them for a moment, I’d be happy to show you one of them.” Caballeron scratched at the stubble on his chin. “Master Discord, you will forgive me if I maintain a healthy skepticism about surrendering my prize to anypony; especially you.” Daring Do moaned as she sidled up to Discord and began running her forehooves over his torso. “Oh, come on, Doctor, please? He insisted that we take a break until he showed you something. Please, I don’t know how much longer I can go without him…” Discord shrugged, and laughed. “You know what they say about the size of a Draconequus’ horns, amirite?!” Caballeron frowned. “If what you say is true, then first please humor me by making short work of my associates; then we will talk about this ‘secret.’ I fear, though, that you may have broken the connection between yourself and your creation; in which case, my stallions will make short work of you while I make my escape.” Discord looked at Daring Do and jerked a thumb at Caballeron. “This guy is seriously way more prepared than I could have expected.” Caballeron smiled. “Daring Do is not the only one to spend long hours researching you, Master Discord. Now, if you’ll…” “That’s the cue!” Daring Do shouted, leaping toward one of the stallions. The others charged a split-second later, clearly set on their back hooves by Daring Do’s sudden attack. Discord whirled on a brown one to his left, elbowing him in the chest and shoving him to the ground. He heard hooves from behind, and whirled around at high speed, using his body’s length to whip-crack a whitish stallion in the face. There was a commotion to his right, and Discord watched as Daring Do plowed her forehooves into a blue-coated henchpony with a bright yellow mane. The stallion went down, but two more rushed in from behind. She anticipated them, and used her wings to get high enough to land strong kicks into their heads. “Get Caballeron!” she shouted, before turning back on three others trying to gang-up on her. Discord turned from side to side, scanning the trees, trying to pick up any trace of where Caballeron had rushed off to. He cursed under his breath as he realized the barren trees offered just enough visual interference to make the job truly difficult. He then looked up, feeling that a bit of lateral—or vertical—thinking might be in order. He rose skyward with a few powerful flaps of his mismatched wings, and resumed his search from the superior vantage that they offered. He tried not to focus on Daring Do, who was snarling and shouting as she did everything she could to keep the trio of henchponies at bay. Discord was off and flapping in Caballeron’s direction from the moment he first noticed movement down in the trees. Caballeron was still heading west, perhaps to meet up with the group’s unseen transportation; Discord couldn’t tell, given that he had to squint to block out the light of the setting sun. He rose still higher and tried to pick up speed as he saw Caballeron heading toward a less dense section of trees. His back ached from the effort of holding himself aloft without any magical assistance, but his anger felt still more pressing. Anger at having to leave Fluttershy at the very moment he was going to tell her how he felt, and anger at leaving her feeling like she didn’t matter to him. Discord did his utmost to compress that anger into a tiny, smoldering ball. Then he folded his wings close to his body and let gravity rocket him down toward the stallion’s back. After a forceful, jarring impact, the two of them tumbled end-over-end for several yards before smacking into a downed tree. Caballeron came up first, barely managing to stand, but close enough to his adversary that he didn’t need to do much to get his forehooves around and strike at Discord. For his part, Discord lost several moments battling his own disorientation as much as Caballeron. “So what they’ve written of you lately is true,” Caballeron said, connecting a solid hit with Discord’s gut. “I trust my sources, but I wanted to believe they were wrong.” Discord hissed as two quick jabs caught him in the face. “To think those six mares could have tamed you…” Discord grappled with Caballeron’s forehooves. “I’m not tame!” Caballeron headbutted him once, twice, three times. “What do you call it, then? I hear you are reduced to fawning over one of them, seeking her approval to initiate romance.” Discord’s grip slackened, and Caballeron resumed pummeling him. “Why go through such niceties, when a creature of your power could have any mare who he desires? Tell me; is that simply how you like to lead the dance of love?” Discord’s claws came out. He headbutted Caballeron with the force of a hammer, then followed-up with a pair of slashes that carved deep lines into Caballeron’s side. The stallion cried out as Discord pinned him to the ground. “You know nothing about love!” Discord shouted, bringing his dripping claws around to take another cruel slash at Caballeron. “You, who willingly bring the goggles back into the mortal world!” A fourth slash. “I was going to tell her how I felt about her!” A fifth. “But now—” Discord stopped as a strong hoof held his paw back. He whirled, snarling, to see a different orange pony with gray hair. “It’s not too late,” Daring Do said. She was far more banged-up and disheveled than he’d last seen her, but there was a look of pleading intensity on her face that caused his rage to slowly recede. “She’ll understand why you had to come stop him, but she wouldn’t understand if you keep going.” Discord spared a glance down at the pony underneath him, and felt… revulsion. He loosened his hold on Caballeron, and the stallion trembled, clutching at long, open wounds. Discord stood and looked back at Daring Do. “I… I’m sorry…” “He’ll live,” she said. “Now, for the goggles…” She stooped, flipped Caballeron’s saddlebag open, and fished them out. “Give them to me,” Discord said. She looked up at him. “What are you doing?” He tensed. “Just… trust me. Please.” Daring Do raised them, tentatively. Discord snatched them from her hoof. He grunted as his paw and claw clamped down on them. Long moments passed before a faint cracking sound split the silence. Glass tinkled as it fell upon the dusty ground. Discord offered them back to her. “They’ll make a better museum piece now that they aren’t dangerous to anypony.” She sighed and looked back down at Caballeron. “All right, Doctor, we’ve got someplace to be, so here’s the deal: I’m going to bandage you up, and you’re going to tell me how you were planning to get back to town. Got it?” Discord looked at her. “Thank you.” Daring Do smiled. “You didn’t think I’d turn down an adventure with the spirit of Chaos himself, did you?” Discord scratched his chin. “I’ll get a telegraph to the princesses once we get to town. One of them should be able to make a portal...” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re on speaking terms with the princesses. That’s so cool.” He smiled back at her and started thinking about which princess to try first. He needed one who wouldn’t be too busy to help. And he’d prefer one who wouldn’t laugh too much at him in his down-powered state. “Definitely not Celestia, then,” he muttered to himself. Role ReversalThere was a flash, a “pop!”, and a brief stench of ozone as Discord and Daring Do stepped out of a circular, pony-sized portal onto an island in the Draconequus’ home dimension. Discord frowned, noticing the island was several hundred strides away from the one his home was on. “Well, Cadance, I wouldn’t exactly say you stuck that landing, but… thank you.” A dainty pink head topped by a long, glowing horn took a brief look through the portal. “Remember, please try to make this quick; I won’t be able to hold it for long.” Daring Do smiled as she watched various creatures flying about the nonsensical sky. “This place is amazing.” She pointed at the house. “And look, Fluttershy must have a fire going.” Discord studied his house. Smoke was pouring from its chimney. Soon, he noticed it was coming out of other places, as well. He beat his wings and rose up into what passed for sky. Below him, Daring Do shouted, “Wait!” But he was having none of it. One of the home's upper windows exploded, sending out a burst of fire and glass. Fluttershy tumbled out, spinning end over end as she fell through the swirling emptiness. Discord threw himself into a dive. "Fluttershy!" She opened bleary eyes and raised a weak hoof toward him.Discord did his best to pick up speed. Suddenly, electricity began to crackle across her coat. She looked up with a mix of pain and resignation as the lightning-dance intensified. Discord gawked at what looked a lot like Fluttershy channeling Chaos energy. Fluttershy clopped her forehooves together. There was a white explosion just below her as a fluffy, house-sized pillow flashed into existence. He barely had time to register his surprise before both he and Fluttershy plowed into its expansive softness. Fluttershy emerged from the pillow and flew toward him. "Oh Discord, I'm so sorry... I'm afraid I've made an awful mess of things..." He raised his paw toward her. "No, Fluttershy… I’m sorry, it’s me who’s messed everything up." Another surge of energy crackled over her. "Um, I don't know if I'd say that..." She raised a hoof and shivered as a discharge of raw, air-burning power shot out into the void. It flew just wide of the approaching Daring Do, and burst into a torrent of brightly-colored flowers. His eyes went wide. "How are you doing that?" She shook her head. "I didn’t know that’s what it was. It just… came to me while I was waiting for you. I knew it meant that something had gone wrong, and I wanted to come looking for you, but the power is so hard to control..." Discord struggled his way out of the pillow's embrace and flew close to her. "Oh, Fluttershy, I know. It's been an uphill battle for me at the best of times." He reached his claw toward her, tentatively. "But with you, it hasn't been so difficult..." “Hey, lovebirds!” Daring Do shouted. She pointed at the house. “What the buck is that?!” Emerging from the burning husk of Discord’s home was a hundred-hoof-tall creature that resembled a fluffy bunny that had been run through a nightmarish meat grinder. It roared as it hurled flaming chunks of the house at Daring Do, who dodged and evaded its onslaught. Fluttershy looked downward. "I'm sorry, I got lonely and... I tried to make myself a friend." Discord touched his paw to the side of her face, and gently raised her head to look up at him. "Oh, Fluttershy… that’s just so you." Fluttershy looked expectant. His heart began to pound. He gazed into her eyes, and tried to work up the courage to kiss her. "A little help here?!" Daring Do shouted from above. Discord sighed. "I'm sorry; she helped me get back to you. I at least owe her..." "DISCORD!" Fluttershy raised herself up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. The sensation was electric, and not just because of the energy cracking over her body. Fluttershy touched a hoof to his lips. “If you want, maybe when this is over you could tell me what you were going to say earlier?" He swallowed. "I'd like that. But... my powers... what if this is permanent?" She grinned. "Well… maybe you could spend some time helping me learn to use them?" Discord smiled, and looked up toward where Daring Do was still battling the rabbit-creature in the ruin of his home. “I think I could live with that,” he said. EpilogueDr. Caballeron waved his bandaged forelegs at yet another predator that had mistaken him for dead. He groaned, both from the pain and from the sight of his wounded limbs, as the immature timberwolf retreated, growling, back into the line of leafless trees before him. Its eyes glinted in the failing twilight, projecting an unspoken warning about what might await him in the coming darkness. Caballeron pushed himself over onto the side of his body that hurt less. “Curse you cowards,” Caballeron grunted, thinking of the goons who had deserted him. He planted a forehoof in a futile effort to raise himself. “And curse you, Daring Do.” He gritted his teeth, and forced himself to rise a little, despite the pain that lanced through his legs and chest. “And as for you, Draconequus… I...” His breathing became labored as he rose to his unsteady hooves. He snarled, and shook a forehoof at the glowing moon. “I… will have… my reven—” A sickly green glow split the darkness from behind, casting a vision of his own dark shadow before him. Caballeron startled at the interruption, and turned his head, wincing at the angry slashes on his chest that had not even begun to scab. He squinted as the light intensified, and raised a foreleg to shield his eyes against it. “You thirst for revenge?” said a peevish and familiar voice at the center of the light. Caballeron could see the glow was coming from the tall but delicate silhouette of a unicorn mare bathed in a glowing green corona. Though he couldn’t make out many details of her face, he could guess who it might be, given the circumstances. He cleared his throat and smoothed his mane back, as much out of habit as out of a conscious attempt to proceed carefully with a buyer whose artifact he’d failed to secure. No, whose artifact had been stolen from him by the insufferable Daring Do and her ridiculous—and newly powerless—Draconequus companion. “A fine evening to you, lady Heart Breaker. Come to check on matters, I presume?” He knew the name was fake, of course. It had been years since reputable collectors had been willing to hire him, and almost as long since he’d known the true identities of the ponies who sent him out to do what he did best. She answered with a laugh. It was long, intense, and if years of trotting on the seedy side of life hadn’t inured him to dealing with rich ponies’ eccentricities, he might have found it frightening. What did unnerve him, though, is that he began to realize her silhouette was not quite… whole. He swallowed, trying to determine whether his eyes were playing tricks on him, or if Heart Breaker really had large holes running through her body… Caballeron’s breath caught as the light began to fade. The creature left before him was every bit as feminine as Heart Breaker had been when she’d hired him to bring her the Goggles of Shipping, but she had taken on a sinister, un-pony-like aspect as well. Her horn had become twisted, and at her side were glistening, insectoid wings. She smiled, revealing fangs. She laughed, and lines of spittle dripped from slender, murderous jaws. “Look down,” Queen Chrysalis beckoned, her horn glowing again. “Tell me what you see.” Caballeron’s heart raced. He now knew who he was truly dealing with, and could guess at his chances of surviving the encounter. He willed his mind to stop considering why this of all creatures must have wanted the Goggles of Shipping, and how she might regard his failure to obtain them. He swallowed, and set his eyes darting across the rough, twig-laden dirt, desperate to find anything of significance in the horrible green light. He spotted the faint twinkle of a reflection, and fixated on it. “There,” he said, pointing an injured hoof. “Something… there.” “Very good, my dear Doctor,” she purred, beginning to walk toward him. “And can you guess what might lie crushed and shining in this cursed place?” Caballeron’s professional demeanor reasserted itself. He made a vain effort to straighten his ruined cravat. “Madam, if I might beg your indulgence, there were certain… complications with the item’s acquisition.” She drew uncomfortably close, batting her eyes in a manner that would have been alluring on a less predatory face. “Tut-tut, my dear Doctor. I expected better of you. But I suppose you still might have your uses...” Caballeron stiffened as she bent and nuzzled at his neck. The gesture was at once both enticing and painful, given his wounds. But she smelled… intoxicating. He felt his breathing deepen despite the very real possibility of death at her hooves. As her spell took hold, he even dared to nuzzle her back. She nipped his withers. He shivered with delight, and nuzzled harder, reveling in the slick but silky texture of her mane. Caballeron shrieked at the sensation of another bite. She pulled away, and he raised a hoof to his neck, checking it, seeing that this time she’d drawn blood. He met her eyes, prepared to protest. He was forestalled by the sight of a snarling, razor-toothed goddess of rage bearing down on him. “You will get down in the dirt,” Chrysalis spat, all glamor having faded. “You will collect the shards of glass, and reassemble them into their frames.” Her nostrils flared. “And then maybe, just maybe, I will think about letting you live!” Caballeron blinked. “I have... but one request,” he managed to say smoothly. Chrysalis smiled; it was a rictus-grin, revealing savage fangs. “I am not feeling terribly indulgent toward you right now, my dear Doctor.” He dared to smile back at her. “When this is over, give me Daring Do and the Draconequus, that I may make them suffer.” Her jaws parted. “Fix my goggles, worm. And then, perhaps I will be pleased to let you be a tool of my vengeance!” Chrysalis laughed again. It was longer and more baleful than before, and it sent chills down Caballeron’s spine. Author's Note Longtime followers might remember this appearing as a "possible" epilogue waaaaay back in November 2015. We'll see where things go from here, but it seems well past time to officially make this the epilogue.
Rotten TimingDaring Do blinked sweat from her eyes as she studied the artifact. Its large, rusty frames rested on a sandstone pillar at the center of the chamber. Twin lenses glinted in a beam of light lancing down from the cavern's ceiling . The only missing detail was its linen head-strap, which must have withered to strings by untold centuries spent deep underground. “I have you now,” she whispered, smirking as she reached for the goggles. There was a flash as Discord appeared on the stone path just outside of Fluttershy’s cottage. Garish sunlight reflected off the notecards he’d been studying, causing him to squint and look around at his sunny, green surroundings. “I usually end up inside,” he muttered, looking back down at them. He flipped through a couple of the cards before settling on one he particularly liked. He cleared his throat and spoke quietly. “‘Fluttershy, there was a time when my heart was... as stony as that time I turned to stone...’ Ugh, what dreck.” He paused, shuffling a few cards. “‘Fluttershy, the times when you and I get together for Tuesday tea have come to mean the world to me...’” “That’s… really nice,” a small voice interrupted. Discord startled, dropping the cards. He spun around. Fluttershy was standing right behind him. Discord panicked as she looked down at the fallen cards. With a snap of his paw, they folded in the middle and flapped away, like birds. She smiled as she watched them go. “So, um, your letter said you wanted me to come over to your house? To… talk about something?” Discord brushed a nonexistent piece of dirt off his chest. “Well, you know, if you’re not busy...” “There’s noplace I’d rather be.” “WOOT!” Fireworks erupted around Discord as he squeezed his eyes shut and pumped a fist in the air. After a moment, he peeked an eye open, cleared his throat, and dispelled them. “Ah, sorry. Well then, step a little closer if you please?” She did, and gave him a small smile that was half-obscured by her flowing pink mane. His heart beat faster at the sight of it. He snapped his claw… “...and here we are,” Discord said, as he and Fluttershy flashed into being on a tiny island perched within a realm of swirling purple madness. He spared a glance at the neighboring island—which was floating upside-down that day—before looking up at the peak of his nearby home’s high yellow roof with an uneasy sense of pride. “I’m glad to finally show you the place. I can’t remember the last time I had company...” “Discord?” He frowned at her wide-eyed expression. She raised a hoof. “The… sky…” He waved his paw dismissively at the insensate firmament. “It takes some getting used to, but at least there aren’t any alicorn princesses raising and lowering one thing or another on some schedule.” She turned and studied the ground itself. “It’s an island... and that other one…” “Well, I’ll grant you that the neighborhood has gone a bit downhill since I bought the place.” She jumped and made an “Eep!” sound as something resembling a turquoise whale flew overhead on orange wings. He knuckled his brow. “Maybe we should head inside?” “Yes please,” she said, starting down the short path to his door. He cleared his throat as he bent sideways to open it for her. “After you?” He tried not to let his eyes linger too long on her flank as she stepped inside. Instead he looked from his white coffee table with a giant hole through the middle, to the room’s stone staircases—both of which ran upside-down—to the gnarled orange and black couch that served as the room’s only decent place to sit. He cursed under his breath, wishing he had changed it all before having her over. Fluttershy smiled back at him. “I don’t think I understand it, but… it suits you.” Discord blushed, turning his entire body a shade of deep crimson for a few moments. “Oh, thank you. You don’t know what it means to hear that.” She stepped over to a small glass case hanging on the wall, holding what looked like an ancient, ragged pair of pants. “What’s this?” He grinned and slithered over to it. “This, my dear, is my personal favorite from my ‘arts and crafts’ period a few millennia ago.” Fluttershy bent lower, studying a metal sign below it. “‘The… Trousers of... Defenestration.’” Discord slapped one of his knees. “A riot, every single time.” He whistled as he did an impression of a pony being hurled out of a window, then slapped his paw and claw together to signify hitting the ground. Fluttershy frowned. “I don’t think the pony wearing them would feel that way.” Discord’s smirk abated. “Listen, Fluttershy… that was in the past! You and your friends have shown me the… uh, magic of friendship, and…” He paused, remembering that one of his notecards had started that way. “Er, you, just you, have shown me something even more special—” She glanced around his living room. “Was this… the only thing you made, like that?” Discord fidgeted. “Well, no… but Celestia got most of them when she turned me to stone. I hid a few others; ones that might have been a little… ill-advised.” Discord shrugged. “We all make mistakes…?” “That’s true.” She walked over and sat on the couch. “So, um… if it’s okay… could we talk about what you wanted to, earlier?” “I thought you’d never ask!” He crossed to the other side of the couch. “You see, Fluttershy…” She tilted her head. “Yes?” He tried desperately to remember the notecards. “Well… you and I have kept up correspondence for some time now… and we’ve gotten together for tea… and our conversations…” He paused and met her eyes again. Her lips began to curl into a tiny smile. “Oh, I can’t do this anymore!” he shouted. “Fluttershy, what I really want to say is…” A loud buzzing sound interrupted him. Fluttershy and Discord looked at each other in confusion. It repeated a few seconds later. “Oh, sorry, that’s me,” Discord said, reaching into a pocket that hadn’t been there a moment before. He pulled out a small pager, looked at its display, and scowled. “What is it?” Discord tried to psych himself out of worrying about it when she was right there… but then the pager buzzed again, and he began to worry about which item had turned up this time. His paw and claw clenched. “I… I’m sorry… but I really…. need to get that.” She leaned closer. “Is everything alright?” “Of course!” he lied. He could smell the floral shampoo in her long mane, and he wanted to run a paw through it, and he hoped he still might be able to soon. “I’ve just gotta go take care of something… minor, something definitely not of any real threat to Equestria or anything. Should take about… oh, five, ten minutes, tops?” Fluttershy settled back on the couch with a look of pure trust on her face. “Okay, I’ll just... be here.” Discord was all smiles as he walked out of his comfortable living room, but his scowl returned as he moved out of eyeshot. He ducked into a billiard room that had appeared of its own volition during the millennium he'd been turned to stone, and snapped his paw, conjuring a wooden plinth topped by a red rotary-dial telephone. He stalked over, snatched up the phone’s receiver, and began the painstaking process of dialing the numbers from the pager one by one. He tapped a claw against the floor as he waited for somepony to pick up. “Discord,” he said when asked his name. He rolled his eyes and craned his neck as he waited for the pony to go through their spiel. “Yes, yes, yes… but which one was it?” He paused as the pony on the other end tried desperately to convey bad news without earning a bad customer-service-survey result. “Well, that’s just wonderful.” He slammed the phone down and dismissed it from existence. Not for the first time did he question whether he really wanted to retain a magical monitoring service for the resting-places of his old creations. But then he thought of Fluttershy, and her kindness, beauty… and mortality. In the wrong hooves, there were so many ways that what he’d built millennia ago could be used against her world. And that was why he retained the service. Discord scratched his chin, pondered how he wanted to make his entrance, and flashed out of the room.
Shipping GogglesNo sooner had Daring Do slipped the goggles into her saddlebag than she heard the sound of hooves scraping on the dry, stony ground behind her. She gritted her teeth and bent her legs in preparation for being jumped. The only questions on her mind were which adversary had tracked her movements this time, and how many henchponies had they brought? "Good afternoon, Ms. Do," a smooth, familiar voice said from somewhere behind her. Daring Do grinned as she turned to face him. "Why, Dr. Caballeron, did you put on a clean shirt just for me? If you wanted to get close you should've shaved that stubble, too." He laughed, tossing his black and gray-streaked mane. "Ms. Do, I fear that now might not be..." The henchponies must have been cued to drop on the word "now." Daring Do felt a heavy blow hit her between her shoulders, and had only a moment to curse herself for letting the cue pass unnoticed before she was pulled to the ground. Strong hooves wrapped around her legs and forced her face into the rough, dirty floor. She began to feel the telltale burn of ropes being secured around her hind legs. She gritted her teeth and fought to suck in a deep breath. "You bucking thief!" "My apologies for having the boys drop in like this, Ms. Do, but I was under the correct impression that your trademark hat might obscure your upward view. And time was of the essence with this job. Gentlecolts, if you please?" She squirmed as a rough hoof pressed her saddlebag against her flank. After a few moments of rummaging, the pressure lessened. "Here, boss!" Daring Do managed to grind her head to one side despite the harsh force pressing her face and shoulder into the dirt. She snarled as Caballeron took the goggles from the outstretched hoof of a light-colored henchpony. Caballeron looked around at the others. "Now then, if she is secure, please back away from her immediately. If my calculations are correct, we ought to be expecting company in three, two..." A sudden burst of light heralded Discord’s arrival in the cave. He struck a wide-armed pose, rustling the flowing robe of red and matching cap that he’d selected. Making a concerted effort not to be distracted by the sight of a tied-up orange mare in a tan shirt on the ground before him, he threw his head back and began to shout, “Nopony expects the—” “...one.” Discord snarled with annoyance at having his entrance ruined. He turned to see a black-maned stallion with too much stubble lower a pair of weathered, bronze-rimmed goggles down over his eyes. Discord opened his mouth, put-downs at the ready. But then he recognized the goggles. His fingers twitched and sparked as he tried to think of what he could summon to fend them off. The boundless possibilities of Chaos all collided in his head, fueling his desperation to find just the right thing that would balance effectiveness with absurdity. A bow-wave of magical force projected outward from the goggles as they settled into place over the stallion's eyes. Discord turned, shielding his face, and happened to glance down at the mare again. A moment passed as they stared at each other with slack-jawed expressions. Neither of them blinked. They began to study each other's bodies with hungry eyes. Daring Do was the first to smile, though her grin was more seductive than friendly. "Well hello, long-tall-and-serpentine. Do forgive me if I don't extend more of a welcome; I'm just a bit... tied up at the moment." Discord touched his paw to his head and blinked a few times, battling dizziness. But then it cleared. He grinned and snapped his claw, causing his outfit to be replaced by a pair of white silk boxers that were covered in a pattern of red hearts. "Forgive you, dear? Why, that would mean you've done something you shouldn't." Her giggle was anything but innocent. "Oh, don't tempt me; I would love to. But again, you see..." She shrugged as best she could under the circumstances. Caballeron raised the goggles and threw his head back in a triumphant burst of laughter. “Daring Do, let it not be said that I am unkind. For though I steal your prize, I leave you with a heart you have long coveted. Come, gentlecolts! Let us go before our presence becomes burdensome to the happy couple!" "Ta-ta," Daring Do called after Caballeron and his henchponies. She turned a predatory grin on Discord. "You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to meet you this way" Discord extended a claw toward her, but hesitated. "Wait a minute... something isn't right here." She cooed and squirmed against her bonds. "I know, it's just so wrong..." Discord's cranium made a tinny rattling sound as he gave it a vigorous shake. "No, I mean... this isn't... I don't even know you!" "Oh, but I know all about you," she purred. “Your artifacts, your conquests…” "Oh, I love it when you..." He hesitated again. "No, this... is a spell. Chaos magic. That stallion... the goggles..." Daring Do moaned. "Be kind, lover! I’ve already waited my whole life to be with you." "Kindness," Discord whispered. "Fluttershy..." His eyes went wide, and he stood, clutching his head in pain. "I can’t fight the spell… the goggles are tied into my source of magic…” His eyes glazed, and he leaned back down to her, running a claw through her mane. Then just as quickly, he recoiled, shaking out his claw as if it had been burned. "Gah! There's no way to break the spell, short of..." "Giving in?" Discord looked down at her. His heart burned with a mixture of desire and revulsion. He reached his paw and claw toward her, and she stretched her head out to accept them… but then he slapped himself, and thought of Fluttershy, and grimaced as the spell began to take hold once again… “Only… way… out…” he said through gritted teeth. “Out? Oh, lover, why would you want out?” “Fluttershy....” Daring Do laughed. “Rainbow Dash’s friend? How ‘bout we make a deal… you give me what we both want now, and I’d be down with asking her to join us next time.” Discord’s eyes went wide as he felt himself beginning to lose the war inside his head. The mare before him was so ready and so willing... it was nothing like the careful dance he had to do with Fluttershy. The spell gripped him again. Visions of a life of bliss with the mare of his dreams surged through his mind. He brought his paw and claw up to his head as he realized that the mare of his dreams now wasn’t the same as before he’d been summoned to the cave. But he wanted those old dreams back. He wanted them badly enough to do the unthinkable. With his mind’s eye, he glimpsed the shifting, invisible, yet somehow multicolored cord connecting him to the primal force of Chaos. "I'm so sorry," he bellowed, as much for his own sake as anypony’s. He severed the cord. His body flailed as he was wracked by a pain that felt like claws digging into his intestines. Red light streamed from his mouth and eyes, piercing the cave’s gloom and casting crazy, dancing shadows all around. It lasted only a moment. Discord soon collapsed to the cool floor and lay panting. His body dripped with sweat. After a few seconds of silence, he heard a scraping sound off to his side. He looked up from the ground to see Daring Do trying to get her head far enough around to bite at her ropes. She noticed he was looking at her. "Well? Are you just going to lie there in a heap, or are you going to give me a hoof here?" Discord wobbled as he struggled to rise. He’d grown accustomed to drawing subtle amounts of power to help keep his body upright, and he felt much heavier without it. After a few tentative steps he collapsed again, breathing heavily. Daring Do stopped chewing on the rope. “What’s wrong? What did you do just now?” Discord lay in silence for a moment. “I severed my connection with Chaos.” She frowned. “What does that even mean?” Discord reached a shaky claw toward her bonds. “I don’t know. It was the only way to break the goggles’ spell. But...” He sliced the rope, and Daring Do began stretching out and massaging her bruised legs. “I guess… I might have to ask the princesses for help with this one.” Daring Do’s face hardened. “You make it sound so bad to not have everything under your control. How do you think I feel right now?!” Discord paused. “What was Dr. Stubble-Pants back there saying about ‘a heart you have long coveted?’” She bristled. “Oh, buck no. We are not going there.” He pointed his paw at her. “I’m no doctor, but I know a raw nerve when I hit one.” Daring Do tightened her jaw. “Look, all right, you caught me. I’m... a fan. I always have been.” Discord furrowed his brow. “Really?” She sighed. “Not that it matters right now. I have to stop Caballeron!” He nodded. “I didn’t know that anypony would enjoy dwelling on my past.” Daring Do shrugged. “I always liked your thing about ‘doing whatever you want, whenever you want.’ Not everypony in my life has been crazy about me leaving for months at a time to go on these adventures. But you inspired me to go after what I love, no matter what anypony thinks.” Discord looked away. “It can be a lonely road, doing whatever you want.” Daring Do reached a hoof toward him, hesitated, then set it back down. “I did meet Fluttershy, once. Very pretty. She’s… a lucky mare.” Discord's eyes widened. "I was only supposed to be gone for a few minutes." Daring Do cocked her head to the side. “What do you mean?” His heart pounded. “At my house. I left her waiting.” “So what? She’s safe, right?” Discord clutched at her. “You don’t understand; my home dimension is a realm of madness. You’ve got to help me find a way back!” Daring Do batted Discord’s claws aside. “Look, there’s a village with a telegraph office and a train station about half a day’s journey north of here…” “Half a day?!” Daring Do frowned. “Listen, I’m sorry. We’ll get you back to her, but right now we have bigger problems.” Discord shook his head. “There’s nothing more important to me.” “Then come with me, and I’ll help you after we get the goggles back. If we leave now, we can probably catch Caballeron before his trail gets cold.” Discord nodded, then gave her a coy smile. “You just like having me around, don’t you?” She rolled her eyes. “Come on, loverboy,” she said, setting off toward the entrance.
Hot PursuitThe cave eventually brought them to a narrow space at the bottom of a deep ravine. Daring Do and Discord flapped side-by-side as they ascended its sheer face. Daring Do paused about halfway up, cursing under her breath. “I can’t believe this. Look.” She moved closer to the stones and grabbed what at first looked like just another bit of foliage. But as she pulled it out into the light, Discord could see it was actually a thin but tightly-wound length of cable. She tossed it back against the wall. “How did I miss these when I flew down here?! Caballeron and his goons must have rappelled down and set up their ambush well in advance. He didn’t just drop in; he was playing me all along!” Discord furrowed his brow as they began flying upward again. “That’s hardly the worst of it. I’m the spirit of Chaos, and he played me like a fiddle.” He shook his head. “Poor Fluttershy. Somehow he knew I’d come as soon as somepony grabbed the goggles.” Daring Do looked downcast. “I don’t feel much better. He knew you were a threat. I was just a… distraction, to buy him time to get away.” Discord shook his head. “If he’s that prepared, he’ll probably expect some kind of ambush. What I did back there was only good once; if he ‘ships’ us again, I won’t be able to undo it.” Daring Do frowned. “But we have to take him quickly; he’s probably arranged to meet some other kind of transportation nearby.” The light intensified as they reached the top of the ravine. Discord turned in midair, taking in the sight of a nearby thicket of gnarled, leafless trees at the end of a few hundred yards of dry, cracked earth. The sun hung low and red behind the thicket, silhouetting ten tough stallions heading toward it. Daring Do grabbed him and pulled him to the ground. “Quiet! There they are. We have to think of something, fast!” Discord bristled at her rough treatment, but paused and scratched his beard as an idea began to take shape. “I say we walk right up to them, say hi, and try to grab the goggles.” “What?!” “Seriously, think about it! The last time he saw the two of us, we were about to… you know...” “I remember.” “Well, as far as he knows, we’re happily ‘shipped’ and ready to start popping out foals. Wouldn’t it seem natural to thank the pony who made that all possible for us?” Daring Do sighed and shook her head. “That... might work, if it doesn’t blow up in our faces. You are aware that all the concerns we just talked about apply to this plan too, right?” Discord grinned. “He’ll never see it coming.” She stood and set off toward the stallions. “Let’s pray to Celestia that it works.” Discord levered himself up on wobbly legs, resisting the urge to take a shot at old Sunbutt. It was still difficult for him to move normally without the steady trickle of Chaos magic to fuel his efforts, and he struggled to keep pace with her. “What’s taking you so long?” she called back to him. He chuckled. “Well, you know, I feel it adds a certain air of authenticity to, ah…” He waggled his hips as he greatly over-emphasized his struggle to keep walking. Daring Do rolled her eyes. “This isn’t helping us catch them.” Discord tossed his head imperiously. “Well, fine; if this is too much of a pain in the flank…” With that, he raised his claw to his mouth, and whistled. Daring Do gritted her teeth and raised her forehooves to her ears as he continued much longer than she expected. She turned to look at Caballeron’s distant henchponies, and deepened her grimace as she noticed them staring to turn around and head back toward them. Daring do lowered one hoof to the ground and grabbed his chest with the other. “Kiss me.” Discord flicked his eyes toward the stallions. He hesitated. She wasn’t the pegasus he wanted to hear that from... She rolled her eyes, raised her head, and pressed her lips against his. The experience was nothing but mechanical at first; worse, it made him feel sick, like he was betraying Fluttershy. Yet Discord couldn’t deny it felt invigorating to share a kiss with another being. His pulse quickened. He tried to block out the sensations, but Daring Do’s lips softened and pressed harder. Despite himself, he closed his eyes and— The sound of hooves snapped them out of the moment. Discord blinked, cleared his throat, and took a brief look around the milling circle of henchponies that had formed around the two of them. “Ahoy, mateys! Sorry about the lip-lock. I know, ‘get a room,’ right?” He jumped at the feel of being pinched near the base of his tail. He turned a look of shock at Daring Do, who was lowering her hoof slowly, leaving no doubt about who pinched him. She winked at him, and it was every bit as suggestive as he could hope for. “Daring Do, you are the last pony I expected to be seeing so soon.” An opening formed at one point of the circle, revealing a space not too far away where Caballeron stood with a hoof up near his face, ready to drop the goggles down over his eyes at a moment’s notice. “Perhaps our fine Draconequus was found… wanting?” Daring Do played with her mane. “Not at all, unless you mean ‘wanting’ more.” She tittered, and Discord’s jaw fell upon seeing how well she could play the lovestruck filly. Caballeron’s laughter did not touch his eyes. Sweat formed at his brow as he studied Discord. “Please, spare us the details… except to tell us why you have returned?” Discord collected himself. “I’ve got this one, dear. Dr. Caballeron… can I call you Dr. Caballeron?” “But of course.” “Dr. Caballeron, I’ve been dreaming of finding a special somepony, and thanks to you…” His thoughts drifted from the stolen kiss with Daring Do, back to the poor mare he’d left alone and in danger. “Dr. Caballeron, I created the goggles. I know secrets about them that nopony else does.” He swallowed. “If you’ll let me see them for a moment, I’d be happy to show you one of them.” Caballeron scratched at the stubble on his chin. “Master Discord, you will forgive me if I maintain a healthy skepticism about surrendering my prize to anypony; especially you.” Daring Do moaned as she sidled up to Discord and began running her forehooves over his torso. “Oh, come on, Doctor, please? He insisted that we take a break until he showed you something. Please, I don’t know how much longer I can go without him…” Discord shrugged, and laughed. “You know what they say about the size of a Draconequus’ horns, amirite?!” Caballeron frowned. “If what you say is true, then first please humor me by making short work of my associates; then we will talk about this ‘secret.’ I fear, though, that you may have broken the connection between yourself and your creation; in which case, my stallions will make short work of you while I make my escape.” Discord looked at Daring Do and jerked a thumb at Caballeron. “This guy is seriously way more prepared than I could have expected.” Caballeron smiled. “Daring Do is not the only one to spend long hours researching you, Master Discord. Now, if you’ll…” “That’s the cue!” Daring Do shouted, leaping toward one of the stallions. The others charged a split-second later, clearly set on their back hooves by Daring Do’s sudden attack. Discord whirled on a brown one to his left, elbowing him in the chest and shoving him to the ground. He heard hooves from behind, and whirled around at high speed, using his body’s length to whip-crack a whitish stallion in the face. There was a commotion to his right, and Discord watched as Daring Do plowed her forehooves into a blue-coated henchpony with a bright yellow mane. The stallion went down, but two more rushed in from behind. She anticipated them, and used her wings to get high enough to land strong kicks into their heads. “Get Caballeron!” she shouted, before turning back on three others trying to gang-up on her. Discord turned from side to side, scanning the trees, trying to pick up any trace of where Caballeron had rushed off to. He cursed under his breath as he realized the barren trees offered just enough visual interference to make the job truly difficult. He then looked up, feeling that a bit of lateral—or vertical—thinking might be in order. He rose skyward with a few powerful flaps of his mismatched wings, and resumed his search from the superior vantage that they offered. He tried not to focus on Daring Do, who was snarling and shouting as she did everything she could to keep the trio of henchponies at bay. Discord was off and flapping in Caballeron’s direction from the moment he first noticed movement down in the trees. Caballeron was still heading west, perhaps to meet up with the group’s unseen transportation; Discord couldn’t tell, given that he had to squint to block out the light of the setting sun. He rose still higher and tried to pick up speed as he saw Caballeron heading toward a less dense section of trees. His back ached from the effort of holding himself aloft without any magical assistance, but his anger felt still more pressing. Anger at having to leave Fluttershy at the very moment he was going to tell her how he felt, and anger at leaving her feeling like she didn’t matter to him. Discord did his utmost to compress that anger into a tiny, smoldering ball. Then he folded his wings close to his body and let gravity rocket him down toward the stallion’s back. After a forceful, jarring impact, the two of them tumbled end-over-end for several yards before smacking into a downed tree. Caballeron came up first, barely managing to stand, but close enough to his adversary that he didn’t need to do much to get his forehooves around and strike at Discord. For his part, Discord lost several moments battling his own disorientation as much as Caballeron. “So what they’ve written of you lately is true,” Caballeron said, connecting a solid hit with Discord’s gut. “I trust my sources, but I wanted to believe they were wrong.” Discord hissed as two quick jabs caught him in the face. “To think those six mares could have tamed you…” Discord grappled with Caballeron’s forehooves. “I’m not tame!” Caballeron headbutted him once, twice, three times. “What do you call it, then? I hear you are reduced to fawning over one of them, seeking her approval to initiate romance.” Discord’s grip slackened, and Caballeron resumed pummeling him. “Why go through such niceties, when a creature of your power could have any mare who he desires? Tell me; is that simply how you like to lead the dance of love?” Discord’s claws came out. He headbutted Caballeron with the force of a hammer, then followed-up with a pair of slashes that carved deep lines into Caballeron’s side. The stallion cried out as Discord pinned him to the ground. “You know nothing about love!” Discord shouted, bringing his dripping claws around to take another cruel slash at Caballeron. “You, who willingly bring the goggles back into the mortal world!” A fourth slash. “I was going to tell her how I felt about her!” A fifth. “But now—” Discord stopped as a strong hoof held his paw back. He whirled, snarling, to see a different orange pony with gray hair. “It’s not too late,” Daring Do said. She was far more banged-up and disheveled than he’d last seen her, but there was a look of pleading intensity on her face that caused his rage to slowly recede. “She’ll understand why you had to come stop him, but she wouldn’t understand if you keep going.” Discord spared a glance down at the pony underneath him, and felt… revulsion. He loosened his hold on Caballeron, and the stallion trembled, clutching at long, open wounds. Discord stood and looked back at Daring Do. “I… I’m sorry…” “He’ll live,” she said. “Now, for the goggles…” She stooped, flipped Caballeron’s saddlebag open, and fished them out. “Give them to me,” Discord said. She looked up at him. “What are you doing?” He tensed. “Just… trust me. Please.” Daring Do raised them, tentatively. Discord snatched them from her hoof. He grunted as his paw and claw clamped down on them. Long moments passed before a faint cracking sound split the silence. Glass tinkled as it fell upon the dusty ground. Discord offered them back to her. “They’ll make a better museum piece now that they aren’t dangerous to anypony.” She sighed and looked back down at Caballeron. “All right, Doctor, we’ve got someplace to be, so here’s the deal: I’m going to bandage you up, and you’re going to tell me how you were planning to get back to town. Got it?” Discord looked at her. “Thank you.” Daring Do smiled. “You didn’t think I’d turn down an adventure with the spirit of Chaos himself, did you?” Discord scratched his chin. “I’ll get a telegraph to the princesses once we get to town. One of them should be able to make a portal...” She shook her head. “I can’t believe you’re on speaking terms with the princesses. That’s so cool.” He smiled back at her and started thinking about which princess to try first. He needed one who wouldn’t be too busy to help. And he’d prefer one who wouldn’t laugh too much at him in his down-powered state. “Definitely not Celestia, then,” he muttered to himself.
Role ReversalThere was a flash, a “pop!”, and a brief stench of ozone as Discord and Daring Do stepped out of a circular, pony-sized portal onto an island in the Draconequus’ home dimension. Discord frowned, noticing the island was several hundred strides away from the one his home was on. “Well, Cadance, I wouldn’t exactly say you stuck that landing, but… thank you.” A dainty pink head topped by a long, glowing horn took a brief look through the portal. “Remember, please try to make this quick; I won’t be able to hold it for long.” Daring Do smiled as she watched various creatures flying about the nonsensical sky. “This place is amazing.” She pointed at the house. “And look, Fluttershy must have a fire going.” Discord studied his house. Smoke was pouring from its chimney. Soon, he noticed it was coming out of other places, as well. He beat his wings and rose up into what passed for sky. Below him, Daring Do shouted, “Wait!” But he was having none of it. One of the home's upper windows exploded, sending out a burst of fire and glass. Fluttershy tumbled out, spinning end over end as she fell through the swirling emptiness. Discord threw himself into a dive. "Fluttershy!" She opened bleary eyes and raised a weak hoof toward him.Discord did his best to pick up speed. Suddenly, electricity began to crackle across her coat. She looked up with a mix of pain and resignation as the lightning-dance intensified. Discord gawked at what looked a lot like Fluttershy channeling Chaos energy. Fluttershy clopped her forehooves together. There was a white explosion just below her as a fluffy, house-sized pillow flashed into existence. He barely had time to register his surprise before both he and Fluttershy plowed into its expansive softness. Fluttershy emerged from the pillow and flew toward him. "Oh Discord, I'm so sorry... I'm afraid I've made an awful mess of things..." He raised his paw toward her. "No, Fluttershy… I’m sorry, it’s me who’s messed everything up." Another surge of energy crackled over her. "Um, I don't know if I'd say that..." She raised a hoof and shivered as a discharge of raw, air-burning power shot out into the void. It flew just wide of the approaching Daring Do, and burst into a torrent of brightly-colored flowers. His eyes went wide. "How are you doing that?" She shook her head. "I didn’t know that’s what it was. It just… came to me while I was waiting for you. I knew it meant that something had gone wrong, and I wanted to come looking for you, but the power is so hard to control..." Discord struggled his way out of the pillow's embrace and flew close to her. "Oh, Fluttershy, I know. It's been an uphill battle for me at the best of times." He reached his claw toward her, tentatively. "But with you, it hasn't been so difficult..." “Hey, lovebirds!” Daring Do shouted. She pointed at the house. “What the buck is that?!” Emerging from the burning husk of Discord’s home was a hundred-hoof-tall creature that resembled a fluffy bunny that had been run through a nightmarish meat grinder. It roared as it hurled flaming chunks of the house at Daring Do, who dodged and evaded its onslaught. Fluttershy looked downward. "I'm sorry, I got lonely and... I tried to make myself a friend." Discord touched his paw to the side of her face, and gently raised her head to look up at him. "Oh, Fluttershy… that’s just so you." Fluttershy looked expectant. His heart began to pound. He gazed into her eyes, and tried to work up the courage to kiss her. "A little help here?!" Daring Do shouted from above. Discord sighed. "I'm sorry; she helped me get back to you. I at least owe her..." "DISCORD!" Fluttershy raised herself up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. The sensation was electric, and not just because of the energy cracking over her body. Fluttershy touched a hoof to his lips. “If you want, maybe when this is over you could tell me what you were going to say earlier?" He swallowed. "I'd like that. But... my powers... what if this is permanent?" She grinned. "Well… maybe you could spend some time helping me learn to use them?" Discord smiled, and looked up toward where Daring Do was still battling the rabbit-creature in the ruin of his home. “I think I could live with that,” he said.
EpilogueDr. Caballeron waved his bandaged forelegs at yet another predator that had mistaken him for dead. He groaned, both from the pain and from the sight of his wounded limbs, as the immature timberwolf retreated, growling, back into the line of leafless trees before him. Its eyes glinted in the failing twilight, projecting an unspoken warning about what might await him in the coming darkness. Caballeron pushed himself over onto the side of his body that hurt less. “Curse you cowards,” Caballeron grunted, thinking of the goons who had deserted him. He planted a forehoof in a futile effort to raise himself. “And curse you, Daring Do.” He gritted his teeth, and forced himself to rise a little, despite the pain that lanced through his legs and chest. “And as for you, Draconequus… I...” His breathing became labored as he rose to his unsteady hooves. He snarled, and shook a forehoof at the glowing moon. “I… will have… my reven—” A sickly green glow split the darkness from behind, casting a vision of his own dark shadow before him. Caballeron startled at the interruption, and turned his head, wincing at the angry slashes on his chest that had not even begun to scab. He squinted as the light intensified, and raised a foreleg to shield his eyes against it. “You thirst for revenge?” said a peevish and familiar voice at the center of the light. Caballeron could see the glow was coming from the tall but delicate silhouette of a unicorn mare bathed in a glowing green corona. Though he couldn’t make out many details of her face, he could guess who it might be, given the circumstances. He cleared his throat and smoothed his mane back, as much out of habit as out of a conscious attempt to proceed carefully with a buyer whose artifact he’d failed to secure. No, whose artifact had been stolen from him by the insufferable Daring Do and her ridiculous—and newly powerless—Draconequus companion. “A fine evening to you, lady Heart Breaker. Come to check on matters, I presume?” He knew the name was fake, of course. It had been years since reputable collectors had been willing to hire him, and almost as long since he’d known the true identities of the ponies who sent him out to do what he did best. She answered with a laugh. It was long, intense, and if years of trotting on the seedy side of life hadn’t inured him to dealing with rich ponies’ eccentricities, he might have found it frightening. What did unnerve him, though, is that he began to realize her silhouette was not quite… whole. He swallowed, trying to determine whether his eyes were playing tricks on him, or if Heart Breaker really had large holes running through her body… Caballeron’s breath caught as the light began to fade. The creature left before him was every bit as feminine as Heart Breaker had been when she’d hired him to bring her the Goggles of Shipping, but she had taken on a sinister, un-pony-like aspect as well. Her horn had become twisted, and at her side were glistening, insectoid wings. She smiled, revealing fangs. She laughed, and lines of spittle dripped from slender, murderous jaws. “Look down,” Queen Chrysalis beckoned, her horn glowing again. “Tell me what you see.” Caballeron’s heart raced. He now knew who he was truly dealing with, and could guess at his chances of surviving the encounter. He willed his mind to stop considering why this of all creatures must have wanted the Goggles of Shipping, and how she might regard his failure to obtain them. He swallowed, and set his eyes darting across the rough, twig-laden dirt, desperate to find anything of significance in the horrible green light. He spotted the faint twinkle of a reflection, and fixated on it. “There,” he said, pointing an injured hoof. “Something… there.” “Very good, my dear Doctor,” she purred, beginning to walk toward him. “And can you guess what might lie crushed and shining in this cursed place?” Caballeron’s professional demeanor reasserted itself. He made a vain effort to straighten his ruined cravat. “Madam, if I might beg your indulgence, there were certain… complications with the item’s acquisition.” She drew uncomfortably close, batting her eyes in a manner that would have been alluring on a less predatory face. “Tut-tut, my dear Doctor. I expected better of you. But I suppose you still might have your uses...” Caballeron stiffened as she bent and nuzzled at his neck. The gesture was at once both enticing and painful, given his wounds. But she smelled… intoxicating. He felt his breathing deepen despite the very real possibility of death at her hooves. As her spell took hold, he even dared to nuzzle her back. She nipped his withers. He shivered with delight, and nuzzled harder, reveling in the slick but silky texture of her mane. Caballeron shrieked at the sensation of another bite. She pulled away, and he raised a hoof to his neck, checking it, seeing that this time she’d drawn blood. He met her eyes, prepared to protest. He was forestalled by the sight of a snarling, razor-toothed goddess of rage bearing down on him. “You will get down in the dirt,” Chrysalis spat, all glamor having faded. “You will collect the shards of glass, and reassemble them into their frames.” Her nostrils flared. “And then maybe, just maybe, I will think about letting you live!” Caballeron blinked. “I have... but one request,” he managed to say smoothly. Chrysalis smiled; it was a rictus-grin, revealing savage fangs. “I am not feeling terribly indulgent toward you right now, my dear Doctor.” He dared to smile back at her. “When this is over, give me Daring Do and the Draconequus, that I may make them suffer.” Her jaws parted. “Fix my goggles, worm. And then, perhaps I will be pleased to let you be a tool of my vengeance!” Chrysalis laughed again. It was longer and more baleful than before, and it sent chills down Caballeron’s spine. Author's Note Longtime followers might remember this appearing as a "possible" epilogue waaaaay back in November 2015. We'll see where things go from here, but it seems well past time to officially make this the epilogue.
