Quantum Mechanics and You – A Beginner's Guide to Alternate Realities
Twilight Sparkle hummed a little tune to herself as she cleaned the cup she'd used for her morning tea. Today was Sunday, and a beautiful one at that. For once, she felt the urge to just enjoy the day. No studying. No catastrophes. Maybe she could invite her friends to a picnic.
“Spike, do we have enough bread left to make some sandwiches?” she asked cheerfully as she entered the throne room.
“Uhm, Twilight?” The dragon didn't look at her. He simply pointed at a magical vortex that was forming in the center of the room while lightning arched from it towards the various thrones.
“What the …?”
Out of the vortex emerged a strikingly familiar figure. It was Twilight Sparkle, only she looked differently. The mare was wearing a black stealth suit. Her mane was singed, and there was a bandage wrapped around her head. Also, she was wearing an eye patch.
The mystery mare shook her head to clear the dizziness as the magic field dissipated. “Oh, not this again,” Twilight groaned.
Future Twilight, upon recognizing her, ran towards her. “Twilight! You've got to listen to me.”
“Let me guess,” Twilight sighed. “You're from the future, and you have an important message to tell me.”
“No! … I mean, yes. How did you know?”
“We've done this before, remember?” Twilight grew thoughtful. “Hey, I thought this spell was only supposed to work once, and...”
Future Twilight stuck a hoof in her opposite's mouth. “No time! Now listen carefully. You mustn't, under any circumstances, use time magic in the near future. Do you understand?”
Twilight nodded and prepared herself for the other Twilight to vanish. Only she didn't. When nothing happened after a few seconds, she removed the hoof from her mouth. “Well?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.
“Well, what?”
“I thought you could only stay for a couple moments. Why are you still here?”
The other Twilight looked at her hoof. “Huh. That is strange. I wonder why...”
Suddenly they were both shocked into silence as another magic vortex opened to their left, depositing yet another Twilight Sparkle in the room. This one looked a lot more like the original, only she was wearing glasses.
The new arrival ran up to them. “Twilight! I have an important message for you.” Noticing the other Twilight, she added: “Excuse me, Twilight.” In the process of taking a breath to deliver her message, she suddenly did a double-take. “Wha? … Who? … How?”
“This is getting confusing,” the original Twilight stated matter-of-factly. “Spike, time!”
Utterly bewildered, yet always ready to answer Twilight's call, the dragon produced a stopwatch from a nearby desk. The seconds passed away in an eerie silence. “60 seconds,” he informed her.
Twilight rubbed her chin. “So, your message. Is it about not using any time magic?”
“Uh, yeah,” the new arrival confirmed.
Twilight frowned. “Well, this isn't how I had planned my Sunday to go. But I better figure this out. Spike! Could you make us some coffee? This could take a while.”
“Right,” Spike said dubiously, turning towards the kitchen.
“Alright,” Twilight said. “Have a seat, both of you. Twilight, I think it's best if I talked to Twilight first.”
The two Twilights looked at each other, then back at her.
Twilight frowned. “This isn't gonna work, is it? Okay, look. I'm Twilight. And from now on you're gonna be referred to as Future Twilight.” She pointed at the mare in the post-apocalyptic get-up.
“What about me?” the one with glasses asked.
“You're Twilight Number 2.”
“Why do I have to be Number 2? And why do you get to be Twilight?”
“Because this is my timeline,” Twilight told her in no uncertain terms. “You came to me, remember?”
“Hm, can't argue with that.”
“TWILIGHT!” Spike suddenly came running out of the kitchen, followed closely by yet another familiar looking purple alicorn.
“Twilight! You've got to listen to me!”
* * *
Rainbow Dash found the door to the castle open, so she let herself in. She'd spent the morning practicing some new moves, so now she needed somepony to show them off to.
The pagasus stuck her head into the throne room. “Hey, Twi! It's a nice day out. Wanna go flying? … WHAT THE BUCK IS GOING ON HERE?” she screamed. There seemed to be more than twenty Twilights milling around the place.
Suddenly, she felt a tug at her wing feathers. “Will you play with me, lady?” a Twilight Sparkle that seemed to be eight years old asked her.
Rainbow could only stare at the filly with open-mouthed shock.
“Hi, Rainbow Dash.”
Dash turned to see Spike enter the room with a pot of coffee in claw. “Spike! Thank Celestia you're here! What's going on?”
The dragon shrugged. “I dunno. Twilight and I had a simple breakfast. Next thing I know, there's this, I don't even know what to call it, herd of Twilights? Maybe flock of Twilights? Oh, I know. Brood! A brood of Twilights.”
“Some experiment gone wrong?” Rainbow asked, calming down slightly.
Spike shrugged again. “They claim to be from the future. Let's see. Of course, at the table over there you have our original Twilight, who you know. With her are Future Twilight and Twilight Number 2. They were the first ones to arrive, so they're trying to puzzle this out. We call them the Twiumvirate.”
“What about the others?”
“They're just waiting, I guess. About all I can do to help is keep the coffee coming and give the new arrivals a name to keep them straight. Twilight just wanted to go with numbers, but I think it adds a more personal touch.” He began pointing out the different Twilights to his friend. “The one with the turtleneck sweater in the corner there is Hipster Twilight. The one with the frazzled mane and nervous tick in her eye is Twilight Zero. You'll notice the one who looks almost exactly like our Twilight, but has got no wings. We call her Twilight Prime. Now the stallion with the jingly hat by the window who is working the telescope, that's Twilight the Bearded. And the delightful filly who has been chewing on your feathers the whole time is called...”
Rainbow Dash held up one hoof. “Let me guess. Filly Twilight?”
Spike gave her a look. “No, Past Twilight. Duh! It's a no-brainer.”
“Right, of course.” She looked at the filly who was giving her a sullen look. “What?”
“I wanna play! I wanna play! I wanna play!” Past Twilight yelled, hitting the pegasus with her tiny hooves for emphasis.
“Would you mind?” Spike asked. “I really don't have the time to look after her properly. New arrivals keep popping in.”
Rainbow Dash sighed. “Alright, kid. Wanna go for a ride?” Using her wing, she lifted the filly onto her back and began hovering a few inches off the ground.
“Yay! Piggyback ride!”
“We really should talk to Twilight.”
“Follow me,” Spike told her.
A Twilight with a styled mane barred their way and gave Rainbow Dash a look. “Hi, there. Got any plans for tonight, good-looking?”
“She's married in our timeline, Twilight 34,” Spike lied smoothly before Rainbow could answer to that.
“Shoot!” Twilight 34 looked around, then pointed at yet another Twilight in a frilly, pink dress. “You think Fancy Twilight over there is taken yet?”
“You could always ask her,” Spike replied.
“I intend to,” Twilight 34 said, licking her lips. “I just hope the universe doesn't explode when I tap that plot. I do look gorgeous, don't I?”
“Thanks for the save, buddy,” Rainbow said with a shudder when she'd finally fully computed what had just happened. “I owe you one.”
“I'll put it on your tab.”
Rainbow leaned in closer to whisper. “Can we be sure we can still tell which one our Twilight is?”
“Don't worry,” Spike told her. “Don't tell any of the others. But I've marked our Twilight's cutie mark with fluorescent marker just after the whole thing started.”
“Clever.”
“I try.” Reaching the table, Spike refilled the coffee mugs of the Twiumvirate. “Found another one in your closet, Twilight. But I couldn't convince her to come out and join the others. I've dubbed her Closet Twilight. By the way, you were right. The timespan between their appearances is getting shorter.”
“Thanks, Spike,” Twilight replied. “Just make sure we know where she is when we find a way to send them all home.” Then she turned her attention back to the others. “Now, we've been getting nowhere with specifics. So let's start simple. Are we talking predestination paradox or alternate realities here?”
“How do we find out?” Twilight Number 2 asked.
“Simple. If you're from the future, and this is a predestination paradox, you should have been through this already. Well? Had an invasion of alternate yous on a Sunday lately?” Twilight asked.
“I don't think so,” Future Twilight replied.
“Wait a moment,” Twilight Number 2 interjected. “What if we're not from the future?”
“But you both said you were from the future!” Twilight objected.
“Yes, but we also expected to only stay for a couple of seconds. Who is to say we didn't accidentally end up going in the wrong direction?”
“But then Twilight here should have been through the events already,” Future Twilight pointed out. “Besides, we all seem to have slightly different personalities. This can't all be explained by a closed time loop.”
“So it's alternate timelines, right?” Twilight concluded.
“Whoa there!” Future Twilight piped up. “Don't jump to conclusions. First of all, are we talking alternate histories based on choices, quantum realities or completely parallel universes here?”
“What's a quantum?” Past Twilight asked as she rode on Rainbow's back while the pegasus flew in slow circles above the table.
“I have no idea, kid,” Rainbow admitted.
“Let's just assume that we're dealing with something like a temporal Butterfly Effect here,” Twilight proposed.
“You can't just assume that,” Twilight Number 2 scoffed.
At least Future Twilight was willing to entertain the notion. “Okay, let's go with that for the sake of argument. Then what's the point of origin? What diverged our realities?” She pointed at the filly on Rainbow's back. “And remember, you have to account for the effect going backwards in time, too.”
Twilight nodded and began to think seriously. “Well, you all came to my reality and are now stuck here. Something that happened here must have pulled you in, and is now keeping you here. So what did I do before you all showed up?”
“We had breakfast,” Spike supplied.
“Right. Future Twilight, what did you have for breakfast this morning?”
She shrugged. “Tea and oatmeal, why?”
“Interesting. What about you, Number 2?”
“Just oatmeal,” the mare replied, pushing her glasses up a little. “Is this going anywhere?”
“It might.” Twilight looked up at the filly. “What about you, little one?”
“Milk and oatmeal!” Past Twilight declared happily. “That's my favorite!”
“That's it!” Twilight shouted triumphantly, slamming her hoof down onto the table.
“What is?” Future Twilight asked.
Twilight stood up and pointed at her doppelgangers. “You all had oatmeal for breakfast! But I ran out of oatmeal this morning, so all I had was a cup of tea! That's the difference!”
“Are you telling me the fate of the multiverse turns on your dietary choice?” Number 2 asked in bafflement. “That's just stupid!”
“Yes, it is!” Twilight agreed cheerfully. “But it's true all the same.”
Several seconds passed in silence. Then Future Twilight asked: “So how does this get us home?”
The grin faded from Twilight's face, and she sat back down. “I have no idea. … Wait! That's it! If I can travel back in time and warn myself not to run out of oatmeal by Sunday...”
“NO!!!” Two dozen Twilights shouted in unison. “That's the entire reason we came here, remember? To warn you not to use any time magic?” Future Twilight pointed out.
“Oh, right,” Twilight admitted sheepishly. She sighed “I guess there's only one thing left to do then. Spike, quill and parchment, please!”
Dutifully, Spike stood at the ready to take down notes.
Casting a glance at the others, Twilight took the utensils from him with her magic. “I think I'd rather write this one myself. No offense, Spike.” She wrote several lines, then sealed the parchment, giving it back to the dragon. “Okay, send it.”
Spike shrugged, breathed fire on the letter and stood ready for further instructions.
“What do we do now?” Future Twilight asked.
“This!” Twilight fired up her horn out of nowhere. One teleportation spell later, she, Spike, Rainbow Dash and Past Twilight stood outside the throne room. “Spike! Close the doors! Lock it up and engage the anti-magic field!” she barked.
The dragon scrambled to follow the orders. In less than a minute, all the other Twilights were locked up tightly. “Now what do we do?” Spike asked.
“Now we have a picnic!” Twilight declared, then she turned to Past Twilight. “Wanna have some cake with us, little one?”
“Yay!” Past Twilight replied happily, jumping from Rainbow's back to Twilight's. “You're like a big sister. I always wanted a big sister!”
“I know!” Twilight giggled. “Let's go to Sugarcube Corner and ask Pinkie to bake us the biggest cake ever!”
Spike and Rainbow Dash gave each other a look, then turned to follow Twilight into the bright, sunny day. “What do you think was in that letter she had you send?” Rainbow asked curiously.
“Hm.” Spike considered that. “I do have a sneaking suspicion. And I think there's gonna be hell to pay at the next Royal Summit. But that's Future Spike's problem. Right now, picnic time!”
* * *
Meanwhile in Canterlot, Celestia stared in open-mouthed astonishment at the letter she'd just received. She wasn't exactly sure whether to be angry at or proud of her former student. So she just settled for reading it again.
Dear Princess Celestia,
I've never thanked you properly for your gentle instruction over the years. No, I mean it. I've said thanks often enough. But I think it's time I repaid what you've taught me by using those lessons myself. Actions speak louder than words, after all.
Do you remember how you used to send me letters all the time, informing me of some unfathomable, perplexing, utterly impossible problem and then telling me that I, and I alone, had to solve it, or Equestria would suffer a horrible fate worse than death?
And do you also recall telling me that we are equals now, and that you are also my student now? Well, considering today is my day off, I thought I'd return the favor and unload one of my problems on you for a change. And it's a doozy!
At my castle, you'll find a horde of alternate future and/or possibly alternate reality copies of myself. I've already figured out that the reason has to do with breakfast materials. You're welcome. I'll leave the minor task of figuring out how to return them safely home to you. Please, do hurry. I've only done a rough calculation in my head, but I do believe that the universe will implode if this Crisis of Infinite Twilights isn't resolved in the next 24 hours.
Let me know the solution once you've figured it out, since I have one of the copies with me at the moment. (You don't have to tell me in the form of a Friendship Report, but personally I think it would be kind of funny if you did.)
Your faithful former student,
Twilight Sparkle
P.S.: If you manage to deal with this by suppertime, I'll save you a slice of cake from the picnic I'm about to have with my friends.
