The Awesome Adventures of the aNEIGHzing Edgy Blade!

by ASarcasticPony

Rating: everyone
Tags: Adventure, Random, Diamond Tiara, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders
Length: 1846

A story about the adventures of the most amazing OC ever created.

WARNING: This story is very and I mean very sarcastic and stupid (glances at the username..). DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY.
Hullo!!!! You're about to read the worst best possible story that will ever be written on this website!

Edgy Blade, a basic red-and-black alicorn, has returned from her mother's prison and has come seeking revenge. With the help of her unimportant pegasus companion, she will overthrow Celestia and make some friends!
Will she succeed?
(well, yeah, totally! she's pretty powerful, that Edgy.)

Published 2015-08-12 17:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-19 20:48:43 UTC

Day 1: Arrival.

Author's Note

Ah, the first chapter. It's a bit short, but they'll get longer! Maybe!
Boy was this fun to write! I'll write more if this gets positive (or any at all) feedback!
If it doesn't...well, I've got a comfortable corner all ready to cry in!

Day 1: Arrival.

Greetings, I am Edgy Blade. A forgotten heir and lost daughter of the Goddess of the sun, Celestia. I was born from pure shadow and I am much much more powerful than any of the princesses combined. It is why my mother banished me, she feared that I would soon rise to power and take my rightful place as a ruler. But alas, I have escaped my prison and now I have come seeking revenge. First, I need to tend to myself a bit for I am very tired from my long years of banishment without any food or water. My power helped me survive, but barely. Anyway, we...

"...Who are you talking to?"
The alicorn turned her head to her companion, raising her eyebrow. A pegasus with a pale golden coat and long, brown mane was hovering above her, giving her a confused look. The alicorn sighed, "You wouldn't understand, dear Avi. Your mindset is simply..too basic." Avi groaned.
"Look who's talking..." She muttered under her breath.

"Excuse me?" The alicorn stared at her friend, frowning. Had she forgotten that she had good hearing?

"Come on!" Avi snapped, putting her front hooves in the air and flailing them around. "You look like a horribly-made 'original' character made by a preteen who wants to look emo and cool, Edge! You're literally a basic overpowered OC!"

Edgy Blade, the alicorn, walked over to the edge of a cliff that was conveniently there for the sake of this scene. Her sleek mane that was the color of the soon-to-be-spilled blood of Celestia flowed in the wind that was not there a moment ago. Her black fur gleamed and shined in the light of the Goddess's sun, and her crimson eyes sparkled. The cliff oh-so-conveniently overlooked Ponyville, the town the two mares were looking for.

Edgy took a deep breath and began,
"Oh you may think of me as different,
with a heart as cold as yoooours...
But my sweet, sweet heart will alwaaaays,
forgive you for your hurtful woooordss..."

The wind carried on the sweet voice of Edgy Blade, her singing was that of an angel and soon colorful little birds joined chorus with her. But the birds' tunes would never be as beautiful as the alicorn's. Avi looked dumbfounded.

Celestia's non-existent beard! Her singing voice sounds like a creaking door and a squirrel's battle cry had a baby! Thought Avi.

"Stop! STOP!" She yelled. "No bursting into song!" Edgy looked offended, but remained silent on the matter.
"Very well, dear Avi. Shall we head on to Ponyville?"
"Yes, please. Might meet some sane ponies there..."

And so the mares continued on with their travel, which was pretty short since they had wings and flew to Ponyville in an instant. Edgy would've preferred teleporting with her powerful magic, but didn't want to leave her friend behind. Speaking of that friend..
"Oi..." Avi spoke, glaring at the alicorn. "Why am I even with you, anyway?" Edgy smiled.

"It's because you freed me from my prison, and I am very grateful for that. As a gift, I've let you become my friend." She huffed. "Consider it an honor, will you?"

That has to be the worse possible gift ever! Seriously, it feels like I'm here for comic relief or somethin'!

"Oh, we reached it." Said Edgy as she lowered herself to the ground. Avi followed.

Before doing anything else, the alicorn conjured a midnight-blue cloak to hide her wings. She used her magic to re-color her coat a very light red.

Avi raised her eyebrow. Didn't think she could be more of an eyesore... "What's this funny look for?"

"Well," The alicorn said in a you-should-already-know-this tone which Avi didn't like. "I cannot risk anypony recognizing me and sending me off to my mother, yes?"
"I guess that makes sense." Avi admitted. "Reminds me of some other story that I read before." She shrugged, not bothering herself to remember what that story was.

Edgy let out a cute little squeal, which sounded more like a mouse dying. "I simply cannot wait to meet everypony and make new friends!" She glanced at her friend and mistook her growl as a look of jealousy. "Do not worry, you shall always remain my dearest friend!"

oh deaR CELESTIA NO!!! Avi thought in a slight panic.

"Well! Are you ready for some friend-making, dear friend?"
"...Yes."
"Good. Oh, and from now, on my name is Daku Enjeru!" Daku said happily. "Cannot risk ponies recognizing me by my real name! Plus, it's a sweet one, this new name."

Avi nearly puked. "Urrghh, an awful English to Japanese name that should sound cool but sounds stupid..."
"What was that?" Daku blinked.
"Nothing, I didn't say NOTHING." Avi said, lowering her head and glaring at the alicorn through her mane.

"Ah, look, a pony! Let's go say hello!" Daku Enjeru said enthusiastically, pointing at a passing mare. She walked up to her and said in the Royal Canterlot Caps.
"GREETINGS, DEAR MORTAL! MY NAME IS DAKU ENJERU AND I DO HOPE TO BECOME YOUR FRIEND!"

The mare's light green mane was blown back by the sheer loudness of the Daku's voice. "U-um, hi?" She said in a quiet voice, slightly shaking. She looked into her eyes and instantly relaxed.
Her crimson eyes were so beautiful, they seemed to draw the mare right into them. Into a sea of blood. She took another look at the unicorn, who was really an alicorn but she didn't know, and gasped. She was gorgeous! Her sleek red mane, her gleaming coat...

"Yes, yes! I will be your friend Daku!" The mare spoke with a cheerful tone. "I am Daisy, one of the unimportant flower sisters!" Said Daisy, shaking Daku's handsome hoof. She then blushed. "You're really beautiful, Daku..." She said breathlessly.

"Thank you, mo- Daisy. I assume it was a pleasure meeting me, correct?" Daisy nodded.

Meanwhile, Avi just stared at the entire scene with her mouth agape, shock clear in her eyes. A single tear fell from her eyes. "WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO ME, AUTHOR?! WHY MUST YOU PUT ME IN SUCH A HORRIFIC STORY?!?"

Because it's fun, silly!

Avi burst into tears.

Daisy looked at the pegasus with confusion. "Is she okay?"
"Ohh, don't mind Avi. She isn't exactly...right in the head." Daku said in a matter-of-fact.

Somewhere, far far away from this entire thing, sat a giggling pink mare behind a screen.

Day 2: Friendship and stuff.

Author's Note

Does this even get views?
Like, come on, my OC is amazing! It should be getting tons of views!
And my writing...it's like I'm the lovechild of J.K Rowling and that guy who wrote LOTR that I forgot his name.

Day 2: Friendship and stuff.

And so, after the two mares' meeting with Daisy, they began to introduce themselves to other unimportant background characters. However, by Ed- Daku's constant demands, they began to make their way into that out-of-place crystal castle in Horseville. It is where the newest princess resides, Twerklight Spankle. The Princess of Friendship, former Element of Magic and finally the newly-achieved title of "Best Twerker".
How will the meeting go, I wonder...?

"Ah, look here my friend, we've reached the castle of Twerklight Spankle!" Said Daku, clapping her hooves happily.
"Er...ohmygod...isn't her...name...Twilight Sparkle?" Squeaked Avi, panting heavily. The unicorn who was really an alicorn shook her hand.
"My dear, I am quite sure her name is Twerklight Spankle. I'm not sure where you got that silly name from..."

Finally, they reached the front door to the castle. The pegasus collapsed under the weight of the unicorn-who-is-really-an-alicorn (UWIRAA) on top of her.
Daku got up from her panting friend and wiped the little sweat off her cheek and proceeded to the door, knocking on it gently. Avi stood up shakily, cursing under her breath. "Maybe you can, oh I don't know, walk instead of forcing me to carry you next time?" The UWIRAA sighed. "Apologies, Avi, but I was simply too tired to walk on my own!" Avi spat an insult at her with another language which Daku unsurprisingly understood. Ya' know, she's all-knowing and stuff. Daku ignored her friend and turned her head towards the door, which was opened and revealed a lavender alicorn wearing some spandex short.

The odd thing about her was that her butt was in their faces, and it was constantly bouncing up and down non-stop. "Oh, hello!" Chirped Twerklight Spankle. "My name is Twerklight. How can I help you, ladies?"
Daku didn't look surprised, but Avi was murmuring under her breath. "Her butt....yo her butt....it won't stop!"

"Greetings, I am Daku Engeru. You are pleased to meet me, Princess Twerklight."
"Uh...um...hi? I'm...er...Avi." The golden pegasus slowly spoke, her eyes still focused on the big butt in front of her.
"Pleased to meet you, Daku Enagery and Avee! Please, do come in!" The princess moved aside, letting them in. "Right, how about we go to my study? I love books, oh I sure do!" She babbled on.

The mares followed the princess, her butt still jiggling in front of them. They arrived at a wooden door, slightly out of place with all the crystals around. She opened it and beckoned them in. Using her magic, the Best Twerker levitated a very comfortable chair for Daku, which was made of velvet and some other fancy stuff, and a pillow for Avi to sit on. The Princess of Friendship, however, remained on her legs.

I swear, it's like her butt has a brain of its own... Thought the pegasus.

Spike, magically appearing out of nowhere and not speaking because his voice is annoying, began to cater to Daku's needs, completely ignoring Avi and Twerklight. The former element of magic didn't mind, for whatever reason.
"So!" She clapped her hooves. "What did you come here for?"

Daku, after sipping a black tea mixed with the blood of the annoying baby dragon, raised her hoof and simply answered, "We'd like to make friends with you, the important ponies." The alicorn nodded her head in understanding. Keep in mind that she's still twerking.
"I see. It's because we are the main characters, correct?" Daku enaggjer lowered her head shyly. "I-if it's not too much o-of a trouble or a-anything..." She said, her beautiful blood-like mane covering one of her crimson animu eyes. Twerklight was taken aback by the sheer beauty of the UWIRAA in front of her.
Avi, finally taking her eyes of the constantly jiggling butt, turned her head towards Daku. "Oi, your Fluttershy is showing..." But that went unheard.
"All right, Daku Eawgeru! Let us go and MAKE SOME FRIENDS!" The princess shouted the last three words in a sudden manly voice.

What will happen? Will they be able to make the freidns?!?!