Release the Kraken

by Noir de Plume

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Pipsqueak, Adventure, Diamond Dogs, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2477

Remember that part of the map, Jack... "Here be monsters"

This story is a commissioned work for Omny87.

Captain Capsize is one the most feared pirates of the Six and 1/2 Seas. Scourge of Equestrian waters, she is known for her devastating ability to capture a ship without firing a single shot, and rumors of her steel barbed half-horn only further the fearsome image she projects.

But when ill-tides and dead winds bring poor fortune to her crew, the blame is misplaced, and poor Capsize finds herself without a ship to sail.

Can this "Albatross" find her wings?

Published 2015-08-11 21:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-11 21:10:01 UTC

Release the Kraken

"Look alive! Pony the cannons! You! Stop lollygagging like a grog-guzzling crab-nuzzler and ready your cutlass!" Captain Capsize shouted from the helm. Her hooves spun the wheel hard to the left. The ship groaned as it obeyed her sharp commands.

Below, the crew scurried about on the deck, a mixture of various pony riffraff and diamond dog scum.

Luna's Feathers, she loved them.

"Cap'n..." The small voice to her right was urgent and nervous. Capsize twitched an ear as she lifted her brass spyglass to her eye socket. "We are... preparing to board?"

"Yes," she replied curtly, narrowing the eye not pressed to the spyglass. The crew of the enemy ship was running about like chickens with their heads cut off. Good. Her ship's reputation preceded her.

"B-but Cap'n..."

"What?" she sighed, snapping the spyglass down.

"That's a royal cargo ship," the underdeveloped unicorn colt managed to whisper. Capsize turned to him and offered the most feral of grins. The colt shivered.

"Don't make me regret taking you on board at Troughwater, pipsqueak. Your mother mare's not out here. Stallion up, boy!" She turned to the deck, her eyes wild with joy. "Hoist the flag, you lobster-licking bilge-ferrets!" she bellowed. "Let them know this is the day they fall to Captain Capsize and the the crew of the Kraken's Maw!"

"She knows my name?!" Pipsqueak squeaked under his breath, eyes wide.

"Ahoy!" her crew responded jubilantly.

Slowly, her ship's banner rose up the main mast. It fluttered ominously in the wind; black canvas with a white kraken's skull, crossed with two unicorn's horns, one of them shattered.

"To your stations!" Capsize shouted again. "We take this ship clean! No shots, no swords, no blood! Any one of you kelp-cuddling whale-snoggers who spills a drop walks the plank into a shark's belly!"

"Aye aye, Cap'n!" her crew replied, some saluting.

"And I'll chop him up myself!"

"Aye aye, Cap'n!"

She placed both hooves on the wheel again, and jerked it hard. The ship lurched, coming to a point, facing the cargo ship head on. They had attempted to turn around, but the wind was in favor of the Kraken's Maw.

"Drop anchor!" Capsize commanded. "Positions!"

The ship feel deathly silent. Capsize remained at her post at the helm, closing her burning orange eyes. Her horn tingled within its metal sheath—what was left of it, anyway—and she fought back a yelp of pain. Dim as her magic was now, she would not be denied the abilities of her birthright as a unicorn. Her father be damned, she was a pirate now, and she would make this work.

"In the name of the Sun Princess and the Princess of the Moon, any approach upon this vessel is tantamount to treason!" came a voice from the cargo ship.

"PREPARE TO BE BOARED, YOU SNOT-MUNCHING SLAUGHTERDOGS!"

Capsize's voice reverberated in the very air. The masts shook with the force of her voice, and the sails rippled as though blasted by a great wind. Her crew, as many time as they had heard her perform this terrifying feat, felt their bowels turn to liquid.

"I AM CAPTAIN CAPSIZE OF THE KRAKEN'S MAW, AND WE TAKE NO PRISONERS!"

The crew of the cargo ship began to mill about nervously. One leaned over the side and lost his lunch, from fear or the force of the vibrations, one could not say. Capsize liked to assume it was fear. It made her smile more that way.

"LAY DOWN YOUR WEAPONS AND SURRENDER YOUR CARGO, YOU ROYAL EQUESTRIAN SALT-SUCKING DECK-SLUGS!

She began to tap her hoof. One... two...

The clattering of swords hitting the deck was music to her ears. She turned to her crew with a wide grin and gave the nod, watching as they whooped and hollered, tossing ropes and beginning the boarding of the ship.

Another success.

Another notch in her belt.

She wasn't half bad at this whole pirate thing, after all.

Days had turned to weeks. Adrift in a glass sea, her crew was growing restless, and there was little Capsize could do to quell the dissent she sensed amongst her seafaring brethren. The sea-foam green unicorn tossed in her cabin bunk, the mattress lumpy and smelling of salt.

She wouldn't trade it for the world.

Her life as the governor's daughter in Troughwater had been anything but fulfilling. She'd lost her mother in foalbirth. Her father, disappointed that he was saddled with a filly and a governor's position in the tiniest port at the edge of civilization, had lovingly named her Albatross.

"Thanks, Dad," Capsize muttered to herself.

Albatross: the largest ungainly seabird imaginably. Said a lot about what he hoped for her future. Anypony who even tried to mention her birthname in the early days of her piracy had been met with a sharp knife to the throat.

She'd rebelled from an early age; petty theft, skipping lessons, learning what she could from the salty old sailors at the docks. It was only a matter of time until her flanks bore the mark of the skull and crossbones. That night, Capsize had stolen away from the governor's mansion and booked passage on the first ship leaving port. A purse full of her father's gold and a head full of dreams, Capsize gave herself a new name and a new purpose: become the first filly pirate to terrorize the oceans.

Her first ship had been a blessing. Captain Dubloon was a kind and knowledgeable stallion, willing to let her cabin pony in a world that was prejudiced towards colts. He made it clear that anypony who laid a hoof on her would answer to him, and he was a fearsome black stallion with an eyepatch and a litany of scars.

She always thought of Captain Dubloon as her real father.

Hoofbeats at the door disturbed her reverie. Sighing, Capsize hauled herself from her bed and trotted to it, nudging it open. Pipsqueak stood there, looking nervous, as usual.

"What?" she asked finally, arching an eyebrow.

"There's... er... something... we need..."

"Oh for the love of the Mother Octopus," Capsize sighed. "Let me get my hat."

She snatched her feathered cap from the hat rack alongside the door and adjusted her horn sheath, following the demure unicorn colt above deck.

What greeted her froze her heart.

Stone faced and weapons pointed, her entire crew stood opposite the entrance to below decks. She was positive they were behind her, as well.

"This is mutiny," she said simply.

"We been driftin' for weeks!" Cutlass snarled. His muzzle was scarred and grizzled, half his nose missing from a cannon blast. She'd always trusted the pegasus.

"I have no control over the wind."

"We been fine 'till ya made us sack that cargo ship!" This from Marksman, her most trusted diamond dog. She cast him a sad glance, seeing the anger in his silvery eyes.

"The oranges are gone, and we be down ta salt licks an oats!" Cutlass added.

"We're been through worse!" Capsize countered. "Are you ponies or pirates?!"

"We're starvin'!" Marksman snarled, lunging at her. Capsize darted to the left, rearing on her hind legs and slamming her forehoof into the space between his shoulderblades. He fell to the deck, the air *whooshing* from his lungs.

"We're gonna ask ya ta leave, ma'am," Cutlass said, waving his sword at her.

"Do I get supplies?"

"Neigh," Pipsqueak chimed. Capsize shot him a look that would melt steel. He withered into the crowd.

"A single shot?"

"We can spare ye nothin'." Cutlass snapped. "We need what we have ta survive."

"This goes against everything I've taught you. Every code and rule we live by."

"We're pirates," Marksman snorted nastily, standing suddenly and grabbing Capsize by her rear legs.

He chucked her overboard.

Capsize wiped the salt crust from her eyes with the back of her hoof. It had been nearly a week since she'd beached upon the small island, having been unceremoniously chucked overboard and blamed for her ship caught dead in glassy, windless seas. She'd sought shelter from the ruthless rays of the sun in this shaded grotto... of which she has no memory of actually finding.

Her stomach rumbled. Another day of coconuts and she might lose her mind.

"My ship," she moaned for the umpteenth time. "Those swill-swigging mertrash!"

"Hey!"

Capsize sat straight up, her hat falling from her head, startled.

"Who goes there?" she shouted, amplifying her voice. The palm trees around the grotto shook and shivered with the reverberation.

"Over here, you silly land pony," a voice giggled. It was high and feminine. Capsize arched an eyebrow, approaching with her steel-barbed horn lowered defensively. "Oh come now, captain my captain, is that any way to greet your savior?"

Capsize stared blankly at the sea-foam green and pink sea pony. She'd heard tales of these marvelous creatures before, but in all her years sailing the waves, she had never actually seen one. The sea pony giggled again, diving down into the clear water of the grotto's pool before surfacing closer to the shore, her pastel mane glistening wetly.

"You..." Capsize managed.

"I'm Anemonae!" the sea pony burbled happily, placing her forehooves on the rocks. "I found you unconscious about a week ago and brought you to the island. I've been checking on you, hoping a passing ship would pick you up... but..." Anemonae looked away. "These waters are troubled."

"We're all troubled," Capzise grunted, sighing. She plopped onto her haunches and massaged her temples.

"You are marooned," the sea pony observed.

"You're a sharp one," Capsize shot back. Anemonae pouted, her lower lip quivering. Capsize sighed again. "I'm sorry, sea mare—"

"Anemonae," Anemonae insisted. Capsize waved a hoof.

"I'm not in the best of moods."

She launched into her brief but traumatic tale of the mutiny. By the end, Anemonae's emerald eyes were brimming with tears.

"So your pirate family turned their backs on you?!" she exclaimed, swishing her fishy tail. Capsize shrugged.

"Did what they thought was best, I suppose. Against every code in my book, but then again... they are pirates. I just thought my crew was better than that."

"I don't save pirates," Anemonae said suddenly. "But I've never seen a lady pirate before. You seem special," she said, resting her chin on her forehooves. "And I feel safe."

Capsize snorted. "Why? Because we are girls?"

"No. Because you have integrity."

Capsize blinked.

"I said our waters were troubled," Anemonae continued, lowering her eyes. Capsize noted how the ocean droplets glittered like jewels in her long lashes. Any stallion would have been lost in her by now—siren, that was their name of legend. "A kraken has taken up residence in the reef just off shore. It is scaring the girls, and we cannot fish or play or swim or—"

"Lure sailors to their doom?" Capsize smirked. Anemonae giggled.

"Find playmates," she corrected. This garnered another snort from the unicorn sea captain, this one of amusement. "If you helped us... we would help you."

"How would I help you?"

"You are Captain Capsize of The Kraken's Maw. You said so in a dream. I know of you, and your powerful voice!"

Capsize said nothing, opting to listen. Anemonae's eyes sparkled dangerously, and she grinned. Capsize caught a glimpse of fanged incisors.

"Tame the kraken, and you may ride it back to your ship. We will sing your crew into submission, as payment."

"Tame the kraken?" Capsize echoed. "Are you mad?"

"Are you saying you can't do it?" the sea pony taunted, leaping out of the water and executing a backflip that was both impressive and mildly seductive, even to Capsize. The pony captain blushed, then frowned.

"I can end any altercation without a drop of blood being shed," she retorted hotly. Anemonae grinned.

Yep, those were fangs alright.

"Come with me, Captain."

"YOU WILL UNHAND ME, YOU SLIME-COVERED BIRD-BEAK!"

The kraken roared angrily, waving the tentacle it grasped Capsize in angrily about in the air. Capsize felt her stomach lurch, and swallowed bile.

"UN-TENTACLE ME, RATHER!"

The kraken snarled and roared again, bringing Capsize to its face. Spittle joined the sea spray on her muzzle. Wonderful.

"It's not working!" Capsize shouted above the crashing waves.

Anemonae swirled about below with her brethren, their voices rising in a haunting, melodious song. The kraken roared again, shaking its head.

"Try a different tactic!" she cried, her song breaking. Capsize thought for a moment.

"YOUR MOTHER WAS A SEA SPONGE!"

The kraken blinked. Capsize grinned evilly.

"I SWABBED MY POOPDECK WITH HER!"

The kraken's eyes narrowed and it snapped its beak in her face. But the attack was less vicious. Anemonae and the sea ponies below continued to sing.

"THE BARNACLE THAT WAS YOUR FATHER ISN'T WORTH DECORATING A DINGHY!"

Capsize swore she saw a tear form in the kraken's plate-sized eye. She almost felt bad... Almost. The thrashing had decreased dramatically, and the kraken's grip on her was loosening.

Time to go in for the kill.

Capsize took a deep breath and channeled every ounce of magic in her being into her horn. She felt it tingle and burn—the old scar and injury flaring to life as she forced the ruined piece of anatomy to function at full capacity. The steel barb began to glow red hot, and she jammed it into the tentacle holding her fast.

"YOU'RE A BAD, BAD KRAKEN!"

The kraken dropped her, sobbing. Capsize hit the waves with an undignified splat. Cheers came from all around her as the sea ponies swam to lift her up. The kraken covered its eyes with its tentacles and continued to cry.

"How did you know that would work?!" Anemonae asked, excitedly.

"It's a juvenile," Capsize answered. "It dawned on me when I was thinking of why it took up residence in your island's reef. Krakens like deep, dark places. This one just hasn't found a hole yet."

The kraken peeked out from between its tentacles at them and sniffled.

"Oh stop, you big baby," Capsize scolded. The kraken pouted, looking beyond chagrined. "I'm sorry about your tentacle."

It looked down at the red bump and sniffled again.

"I know how to make it up to you, though," the green unicorn smiled. The kraken cocked its head. "How would you like to go terrorize some mutineers?"

The grin on its beak was horrifying and endearing at the same time.

~Fin~

It is not know how Capsize regained control of 'The Kraken's Maw.' Legend only tells of a great battle seen off the shores of Troughwater where the ship was anchored, cannon shots fired amidst the mysterious songs of sirens.

'The Kraken's Maw' never returned to port, sailing off silently into the horizon with a great beast in tow, and rumors of her captain and its unique crew haunt the Equestrian seas to this day.