Germany's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
It was a beautiful morning in Central Europe. Germany, who laid awkwardly in his bed inside his beautiful cottage home, slowly pried his blood-shot eyelids open as the loud clattering of his alarm clock awoke him from his restless slumber.
“Another day für wörk,” he moaned tiredly as stretched, a heaviness in his voice.
The fatigued ball hopped onto the hard wooden floor below, being sure, as always, to neatly make his bed, before dragging himself to the kitchen and fixing himself a breakfast of sausages and bread rolls.
He sluggishly sipped on his coffee as he looked down at that day's paper to scan the headlines.
“Pollution in China Out of Control...Iran Could Potentially Get Bomb...Global Warming...”
Suddenly there was a loud crash, as something shattered Germany's window; toppling across the room and destroying the elaborate breakfast he had set on the table.
“Was zur Hölle!?” Germany exclaimed as he ducked for cover, shards of glass now littering the floor.
Germany sprang up and headed to the front door to see what was destroying his home.
Outside, on Germany's front lawn, an angry group of African and Middle Eastern balls stood holding signs and chanting.
“What is the meaning of zis?” Germany demanded angrily.
The balls responded with their prepared mantras:
“Gib citizenship! Ja! Ja! Ja! Monies and housing! Ja! Ja! Ja!”
“Nein!” Germany replied staunchly. “You no learns language, and is drain on Ressourcen. Go away!”
At this, the refugees began to assail him; throwing rotten fruit in his direction while booing.
“Zer isn't enough room for all of you!” Germany replied, trying to dodge the onslaught of tomatoes and cabbage as he retreated inside his home.
The protesters stood outside for a while longer, shouting insults and threats before finally dispersing.
By that time, Germany had cleaned himself off and had made it to his Volkswagen parked outside.
“Am late,” the ball lamented as he started the engine as his stomach made an audible grumble. “And hungrig...but if I really hurry, maybe I can...”
Before he could finish his sentence, the front left tire on Germany's car blew out with a massive 'bang!' causing bits of metal and rubber to go flying.
Germany quickly pulled his car over to the side of the road.
“Luckily, I prepared for this,” Germany said, opening up his trunk to find a perfectly inflated spare.
With amazing precision, Germany removed the old tire and had the new one mounted and ready to go in a matter of minutes.
This minor inconvenience however, set Germany back even more, and when he finally arrived at work, he was ten minutes late – something which the little ball had never been.
By the time he made it to his office, the hungry and thoroughly agitated Germany, breathed a sigh of relief as he sat down in his cubicle, and was just about to begin working, when a loud, penetrating voice addressed him from the hallway.
“Yo, Germany. What's up man? You watch the game last night?” America said, holding a coffee mug with “#1” written on it.
“Which game, America?” Germany asked indifferently.
“The football game, duh,” America replied.
“Do you mean Fußball or..?”
“Yeah football. The real football. Not soccer. Did you watch it?”
“Nein, I didn't.”
America gave him an incredulous looked
“I don't get it. You Europeans don't like anything I do. You don't like hamburgers, or deep friend donuts, or bacon, for crying out loud! What gives?”
“Well, for one thing, Amerika, all of those things are filled to the brim mit grease. Und ich hate grease!”
Just as Germany said that, Greece, who was just on his way by, stopped, and gave Germany a hurt look.
“You...hate me?” he said, tears welling in his eyes.
“Nein!” Germany replied. “I meant I hate Amerika's grease!”
“Oh, so you hate my cooking, huh?” America asked.
“Genau!” Germany responded emphatically.
“Ho, ho, what is going on in 'ere?” France asked, bouncing up. “A party?”
“Germany hates me and America!” Greece cried despondently.
France shrugged.
“No surprise there. I mean, zere was that whole thing from about eighty years ago..”
“France is right, Germany!” Greece said. “You is Nazi!”
“I've bailed you out countless times, given you million in Euro monies, and this is how you repay me?” Germany protested angrily.
“Shalom!” Israel said approaching the group. “Did somebody mention monies?”
“Tell them Israel!” Germany demanded. “Tell them I am no longer Nazi.”
Israel gave him an appraising look.
“Mmm....no, you is still Nazi. Now gib reparation shekels.”
“Look, I am not...I don't...” Germany struggled before throwing up his nonexistent hands. “Scheiss drauf!”
Germany pushed his way past the crowd that had gathered around his cubicle, storming down the hall.
“Germany, where are you going?” America asked, racing after him – the entire building shaking with every bounce he took.
“Away! Far, far away!” Germany seethed, turning to face him. “I will be traveling so far, you can't even finds me! Across dimensions even!”
“That means you're still in for poker tomorrow right?”
Germany turned away gave no reply; slamming the door behind him as he left.
America scoffed.
“Nazi...”
~
At his home, still beset by protesters, Germany labored secretly in his living room– the blinds closed.
“I have dedicated hundreds of man hours of work and research, but at long last I think I have done it! I have created an Interdimensional Travel Machine! Behold!”
Germany pulled away the sheets around his creation, to reveal a giant, box like machine with a seat, surrounded by an elaborate switchboard and bright, flashing lights.
“It's...beautiful,” Germany said, almost shedding a tear. “A true product of German vision and engineering. Now, ich can go away – far away. A place where they will appreciate me. A place where ich will never have to put up with those annoying ingrates ever again!”
Germany bounced into the machine, almost giddy with excitement.
“All I have to do is pull the lever...”
Germany took a gulp and looked around as he prepared himself to travel to parts unknown.
“Alright...here goes...”
Germany pulled the lever as the machine calmly began to rise into the air, its powering begin to charge.
“It's working!” Germany exclaimed. “It's working!”
The machine continued to rise until a few of the lights began to burst.
“Was? What's going on?”
Sparks began to fly, electrical currents forming a bubble around the machine as the alarm began to sound.
“Nein! Something has gone horribly wrong! Abort! Abort!”
Germany desperately tried pulling the emergency kill switch, but it did no good. The machine thundered and roared as a great vortex of space-time opened up and sent the hapless ball flying into the abyss.
Germany screamed but he was drowned out by the cacophony inside the tunnel of light. Nothing was constant, everything changing. Round, round, round it went, and the frightened ball could only hold for dear life as he fell...
fell...
fell...
When suddenly...
It stopped.
Blackness.
Was he still conscious? Alive? Stuck in the space between dimensions? Was this even reality?
Germany fitfully wandered through the blackness.
Yes, I must be alive, he thought as he listened to his breathing, a dull pain washing over him.
Suddenly from out of the darkness there was a light, and a voice that seemed to be beckoning him.
“Nein! Mustn't go towards the light!”
But even as Germany struggled with all his might he felt himself inexorably drawn towards it...
Germany came to with a massive gasp for air, coughing as he turned on his side. All around him, the the vague colors of his surroundings were still spinning as he struggled to find his bearings, until a voice addressed him from above:
“Oh my, are you hurt? Here let me help you...”
Germany looked up to see a giant winged creature standing over him.
“Ach! Ein Monster!” the little ball exclaimed as bounded into a nearby tree hollow.
A moment passed before Germany heard the sounds of the creature approaching.
“Oh, did I scare you? I'm sorry,” the voice softly called to him. “It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you. “
Germany trembled as he cowered inside his hole. What was that thing? And how could it be speaking?
The creature knelt down until her face was against the ground – that's when their eyes met. For a long moment, the two merely stared at one another until the creature extended its appendage to him in an open gesture.
“Come on out, little guy,” she coaxed him with a smile. “Don't be shy...”
Germany could feel his heart racing as he desperately looked around the three trunk for an exit where there was none to be found. What could he do now? He could wait for the monster to leave, but he didn't know how patient it might or if he could out-last it. Maybe he could communicate with it, since seemed to be able to speak...
“You don't want to hurt me?” the ball asked slowly.
“Good heavens, no!” the creature replied. “ I only want to help you if I can.”
“B-but...how do I believe you?” the little ball asked.
“You're just gonna have to trust me...” the creature replied softly.
Germany agonized over what to do before finally giving up with a sigh.
“Well, I guess ich habe nothings to lose...”
The ball approached hesitantly, against hi owns better judgment, looking both ways before slowly moving forward until he was outside the safety of the tree.
“Oh my, you look hurt...” the creature said, looking him over. “Here, may I see?”
Germany, who had hitherto been oblivious to his injuries, now looked and saw that he had been scraped up pretty bad.
“That's a nasty cut you got there, here, let me help you...”
Germany cringed slightly as creature began to dress his wounds.
“Where am I?” the little ball asked, dazed. “And who are you?”
“You're in the Equestria,” the creature responded, winding an improvised bandage around him. “My name is Fluttershy. I was out walking to town to get some supplies for my animals when I heard a crash and thought somepony would need help.”
Germany gave her a confused look.
“Some...pony?”
“That's right,” she said, levitating as she idly flapped her wings.
“But you have wings! And you can fly!” Germany stuttered.
Fluttershy giggled.
“Of course I can fly,” she said, twirling in the air. “I'm a pegasus.”
Germany looked on in amazement as he felt himself lifted into the air – much higher than he had eve been before.
“So what's your name?” Fluttershy asked, holding him.
“Deutschland,” he said, shaking. “But everyone calls me Germany.”
“Germany...” The pegasus said smilingly. “That's a cute name.”
“You...you think it's...cute?” Germany asked, taken aback.
“Of course,” Fluttershy replied. “Here, why don't you come with me? I can show you around town and introduce you to my friends.”
“I would like that,” Germany replied modestly as Fluttershy placed him atop her back and began to trot towards town.
~
Meanwhile, back at the UN, the nations of the world gathered in the General Assembly Room to discuss important business.
“Okie of dokies then,” the UN ball said as he stood at his podium. “It is decided – we will draw a big red line and tell him not to cross it. This is our most effective tool against tyranny.”
“Agreed!” the rest of the delegates replied simultaneously.
“Our next order of business is...is...”
“What is wrong, UN?” France asked.
“I can not be placing my clay on it,” UN replied. “But something seems...off.”
“Off?” Britain asked. “Off how?”
“Like ...something is missing...”
“I don't zee how that is possible,” France said. “We are all accounted for.”
“Hey...” the Netherlands said, looking around. “Where is Duitsland?”
“Ich know nicht,” Austria said. “I haven't seen him since yesterday.”
“Oh no, Niemcy is missing,” Poland said worriedly. “What if he was kidnapped!”
“Now let us not be of the jumpings to the conclusions,” Russia said firmly. “Raise clay, who has been the seeing Germany last?”
The balls stared vacantly at the massive ball as he sat astride his desk.
“Nobodies?”
“Wait, America!” Britain exclaimed. “Weren't you the last to see Germany?”
“Who?” America asked, uninterested.
“You know, the short chap. The one with red, black, and yellow stripes and the funny accent.”
“Belgium?”
Britain groaned.
“Look,” America said. “ All I remember is that the Nazi said he didn't like real football and wasn't on for poker yesterday. Said something about going 'far away'.”
“Far away?” the UN asked.
“Yeah, something do with 'going to another dimension' or something.”
“WHAT!?” everyone collectively exclaimed.
“What?” America joined, indignantly.
“Oh no, where could he have gone, eh?” Canada asked. “And if he left this dimension, how do we find him?”
“I am not of knowing,” Austria joined. “But I theorize that if that is indeed the case,it could disastrous consequences for our very existence.”
“Pssh,” American scoffed. “Fancy science mumbo-jumbo. What's the worse that could happen?”
Suddenly, from nowhere, a giant hole opened in the sky as a radial vortex began to rip the ceiling from the top of UN.
“What is of a-happening!?” Italy yelled as the furniture in the room began to to be lifted from the ground as pieces of debris flew through the air.
“Without Germany, there is no Ordnung!” Austria cried, desperately as he pressed himself to the wall. “And with no Ordnung, the entire universe will fall apart!!”
“Kurwa!” Poland exclaimed. “How do making it stop!?”
At that moment, America, still unaffected by the massive gravitational pull of the vortex because of his weight, noticed Iceland desperately clinging to his desk.
“I got an idea...”
At that moment, America threw himself against the desk, causing Iceland to loose his grip and go careening into the air.
“Hvað í fjandanum!?” the Nordic country exclaimed as it was sucked into the void as the chasm closed behind him, leaving an empty silence as the entire room looked at America.
“I'm sure nobody will miss him...” America said, shrugging.
“That was of too close...” the UN said, looking around. “Is everyone okay?”
The rest of the room nodded as they looked around, assessing the damage.
“We must get Germany back,” Austria said, standing up. “Otherwise the universe will continue to tear itself apart and all will be lost!”
“But how do we find Niemcy if he is in another dimension?” Poland asked.
Suddenly, the door on the other side of the door opened, revealing a cubed silhouette.
“Leave that to me...”
