Not-So Comedic

by Stardom Freedom

Rating: teen
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life
Length: 1994

Twilight enters into a talent show with a comedy act.

Twilight enters into a talent show with a comedy act, because the grand prize is $5,000!

The only problem is that the crowd isn't laughing.

This is my entry for the Comedy Central contest for the group, Writing Renaissance.

Rated "Teen" just to be safe.

Published 2015-08-30 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-30 04:10:01 UTC

Not-So Comedic

Twilight Sparkle walked to her science class with her friends, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy. They went to their desks and their science teacher, Miss Cheerilee, passed out sheets of papers.

"These sheets have information regarding the Canterlot High 20th Annual Talent Show, which is in three weeks. If you are interested in participating, fill this sheet out and return it to me by next week."

Everyone began to talk excitedly, including Twilight and her friends. "I know exactly what I'll do! I'm going to play my sweet guitar for the show! You guys should enter with me, and will perform as the Rainbooms!" Rainbow said in her hyper voice.

Fluttershy shook her head. "Sorry, Dash. I just advertise for the talent show. And... I have stage-fright." Fluttershy hung her head as she said the last few words.

"And I make the costumes. There's simply not enough time for me to think up of an act and make clothes." Rarity added.

"And I'm on the Party Planning Committee! We also have to help with the show." Pinkie explained.

"I cater for the show. Gotta make sure the participants eat durin' halftime, and make some food for the audience." Applejack said in her country accent.

Rainbow shrugged. "Oh, well. Can't have just a singer and a guitarist. Oh, well, I'll do good as just The Rocking Rainbow! I'm sure I'll when the prize of $5,000!"

"There's a $5,000 prize?!" her friends hollered in disbelief.

"Yep. Says so right here." Rainbow pointed to a sentence on the sheet of paper.

Twilight smiled. "I guess I'll enter as well! In fact, I've been thinking about doing something I've researched for months: comedy!"

Her friends went silent and gave each other uneasy looks. Twilight saw this and gave them a confused look. "What?"

"Well, ya see, Twilight..." Applejack began unsteadily.

"You're just not funny," Rainbow said straight out.

Twilight looked unhappy, and the others gave Rainbow rude looks. "What?" Rainbow asked innocently.

"So... I'm not funny?" Twilight whimpered.

Pinkie quickly patted Twilight's shoulder. "Hey, it's okay, Twi-Twi! You can still do the talent show! You just have to tell the audience funny jokes, and they'll laugh their butts off!"

The purple-skinned girl brightened up. "You're right! I'm going to go to the library and study up on classic comedy jokes!" She zipped out of the classroom.

Fluttershy looked at where Twilight had just left. "Is it me, or is Twilight leaving science class without an excuse?"

***

Twilight searched through the books, digging for one about jokes. Finally, she laid her fingers on one. "A-ha! Comedy Jokes for Dummies!" She paused. "Well, I'm not technically a 'dummy', but who cares?"

She read through the book, finding basic jokes, such as:

Mom: How do you want your steak cooked?

Son: On a stove!

Question: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Answer: Ground beef!

Question: Why can't you hear a Pterodactyl coming to the bathroom?

Answer: Because the 'P' is silent!

Twilight giggled at every joke. "Wow! I'm sure to make the crowd start laughing, just like Pinkie said!" She read through the book for more. Then, just as she was closing the book and getting ready to check it out, Miss Cheerilee came in. "Twilight Sparkle, make sure you remember that you have detention after school today,"

The teenager looked confused, and then she knew why. Oh yeah, I left class without a pass. She quickly checked out the book and then scurried out of the library so she wouldn't be late for her math class.

***

After detention that day, Twilight went home to start preparing for the talent show. She opened her book and looked at some other jokes.

Question: What did the pony say when he fell?

Answer: "I've fallen and I can't giddy-up!"

Question: What washes up on tiny beaches?

Answer: Microwaves!

The girl kept flipping through the pages and reading more and more. "I'm bound to win that prize!" She beamed.

She began to pick out her outfit, when she chose a plaid blouse and plaid leggings, and she would wear them with her black flats and nerd glasses.

"I can't wait for the talent show!"

***

Over the past few weeks, Twilight could barely contain herself. She was just so excited! She had never been in a talent show before, because in elementary school, everyone had called her a talent-less nerd, and in middle school, the teasing had gotten worse. This year, she actually had confidence.

Eventually, it was time for the talent show. She would be performing in front of many people, some not even from the school. But she would just pretend it was one of those days when she was practicing in front of some stuffed animals, and try to win.

She got dressed, got in her parents' car, and they drove her and her brother to the school's auditorium for the show.

She explored backstage, where Rarity was helping Lyra Heartstrings and Bon Bon get in their costumes for their singing performance, because they were the first act. Lyra was wearing a plain dress that brought out her hair, which had been curled elegantly for the event. Bon Bon was in a more exciting dress that brought out her blue eyes, and the dress had glitter everywhere on it. She also had added a bow to her curly hair.

"Nice oufits, Lyra and Bon Bon! Oh, and Rarity, does this outfit look good on me?" Twilight asked her friend.

Rarity turned around and shrieked. "Twilight! You have plaid everywhere! Come, let me change you into a better outfit for your comedy act. There's a purple dress in your future!"

"Rarity, how is that appropriate for a comedy act?"

"Oh, you'll see, darling. And don't worry, you're the last act to go on, so there's plenty of time!"

Twilight shook her head. "No, Rarity. Hey, isn't Carrot Top doing a monologue of her being at a fancy dinner party with Written Script?"

Rarity gasped. "Oh, precious Carrot Top! I forgot all about her! I got Written Script's tux ready, but not Carrot Top's!" She began to rush away and hollered behind her shoulder, "Thank you, Twilight!"

Bon Bon looked at Twilight. "So, you're doing comedy?"

Twilight smiled proudly. "Yep!"

Lyra smiled falsely. "Oh, well, good luck!"

Then, they heard Principal Celestia's loud voice boom into a microphone from the stage. "Welcome to the Canterlot High 20th Annual Talent Show! We have many performers today, but only one group or person will when the grand prize, which is a gold trophy of the initials, 'CHS', and a check for $5,000!"

The audience cheered loudly.

Vice Principal Luna continued. "But, before we can get to that, we have to get on with the acts. First up is Lyra Hearstrings and Bon Bon singing, 'Written in Ink'!"

The audience cheered again as Lyra and Bon Bon began to go out. Before they did, they turned to Twilight and said in unison, "Break a leg, Twilight!"

The acts went by. There were singers, dancers, actors, magicians, musicians, and other comedians. Soon, it was the second-to-last performer, which was Rainbow Dash.

"Good luck, Rainbow!" Twilight said as Rainbow grabbed her guitar.

Rainbow scoffed. "Luck's for suckers. Tell me to 'break a leg'."

"Okay. Break a leg!"

Rainbow went out there when Principal Celestia announced her. "Next up is The Rocking Rainbow, AKA, Rainbow Dash!"

Rainbow ran onstage and hollered, "Hey, everybody! Who's ready to get pumped up?!"

The audience screamed, "ME!"

"I can't hear you!" Rainbow taunted.

"ME!" the audience yelled even louder.

"Good! I was beginning to think you were asleep. And if you are, this will wake you up! One, two, three, four!" Rainbow screamed. "First, you see me riding on a Sonic Boom!" she sang as she strummed her guitar. She ended her debut with an epic stage dive! When she landed in the middle of the crowd, she screamed, "Thank you for having me tonight, Canterlot High!"

The audience clapped and whooped loudly for Rainbow, beginning a chant. "RAINBOW DASH FOR THE WIN! RAINBOW DASH FOR THE WIN!"

Rainbow ran backstage, grinning at the audience. "I love you!"

Vice Principal Luna came onstage. "Well, it may seem like that Rainbow was the last act, but she wasn't. The last act is Twilight Sparkle, who will be doing a comedy act!"

Twilight shuffled onstage nervously. The crowd seemed to love Rainbow. Would they hate her? Would they boo her off the stage and throw tomatoes on her? She didn't know. Even though she had a bunch of uneasiness in her, she began her comedy debut.

"Hi there, I'm here to tickle your funny bone! Let me begin my act!"

The audience gave her blank stares.

"Well, what are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep? A dinosnore!" More blank stares. Someone began to cough.

"Um... what do elves do after school? Gnomework!" More blank stares, although these were joined with feet tapping and yawns.

Sweat began to trickle Twilight's forehead. "Heh, heh, well, don't worry, I'll liven things up! What animals are on legal documents? Seals!"

Then, people began to boo. "Boo!"

"Boo-boo!"

"We said 'boo!'"

Tears began to stream down Twilight's face and she rushed off stage.

Pinkie Pie, who was sitting up front, gasped. "Oh, no! I need to help Twilight!" She began to go backstage.

Luna walked back onstage. "Well, I'm sorry to admit this, but if Twilight Sparkle fails to come back within five minutes, she will be disqualified, and we will go on with the awards,"

***

Twilight was sitting on a chair, sobbing. Pinkie ran to her. "Twilight!" She hugged her friend.

"They're all right, Pinkie. I'm just not funny!" Twilight sighed.

"Yes, you are! You just have to do the right comedic thing! Here, put this on!" Pinkie handed Twilight a purple bikini.

"What do I need a bikini for?"

"Just trust me. I'm going to put on this pink one, and then I'll explain what will happen." They both put on the bikinis and Pinkie explained what they would do.

***

Luna went onstage to the chattering audience. "Well, since Twilight Sparkle isn't back out here to continue, we will begin the awards,"

"WAIT!" Pinkie hollered. "WE ARE BACK!" She put on some music and they went onstage, looking very dorky and dancing clumsily.

"Uh-buh-wuh-buh," Twilight muttered.

The audience chuckled.

Pinkie landed into a perfect split. "We came in like weirdos!" she sang out of tune and horribly. Twilight saw this and immediately landed into a split.

"OW!" she screamed in pain. "OW, OW, OW, OW, OW!"

Seeing Twilight's pained expression and lop-sided split, the audience laughed as hard as they could.

Pinkie got up. "Come on, Twi! We need to get you to a doctor!"

Celestia and Luna quickly ran up there. "Wait!" Celestia begged.

Luna handed Pinkie a trophy and Twilight one too, then gave them each a check of $2,500, because they had to split the money.

"The winners of the Canterlot High 20th Annual Talent Show, Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie!"

The audience cheered louder than they had for Rainbow.

"Girls, come to the library tomorrow to have your pictures taken to hang in the hallway as the 2015 winners!"

"Tomorrow?! It could take me months to recover!" Twilight whined.

"If you don't come, Pinkie would take all the credit,"

Twilight groaned. It was going to be a long day tomorrow.

Author's Note

Well, here it is! I crammed my entry in in two hours!

I know it's not really funny, but I tried, because I'm not that funny. I should've gotten my friend to help me...

Oh well! I hope you enjoyed my fic. And should I change it to "E" rated? Let me know in the comments.

If you have any constructive criticism, feel free to tell me, but make sure not to rip my story to shreds!