Without a Butterfly

“This isn't goodbye.” You sniffle to the mare you've learned to love. “I'm sure we'll have a party once you come back from...from...where ever it is you're going!”

Fluttershy holds your gaze, smiling kindly as she too has unshed tears that threaten to spill over onto her light yellow coat. Her mouth opens to say something, but you just can't stand the thought of a friend leaving. Not just leaving, but the possibility that she wouldn't be coming back.

“You'll be sure to write every day, right? I mean, I so want to know what funny funtasic fun things you'll be doing there. You'll write, right?”

The pegasus folded her ears, shutting her eyes tightly as she replied, anguish in her heart. “Pinkie, I won't be coming back.”

You know this. You knew as soon as Celestia sent word through Equestria that they were going to colonize a distant land, a continent that had only recently been discovered, that Fluttershy was gong to be asked to go. She was perfect for the assignment. She knew how to tame animals as well as take care of their needs, which often meant becoming a farmer and, oft times, a forager in the Everfree.

The Apple family was also asked to begin the colonizing because of their know how in clearing land, planting and maintaining such a large orchard. Over the last week you quickly found that a lot of your friends would be going to colonize the new land, in hopes of growing the Kingdom of Equestria. They would be going, but not coming back.

You knew this, but it was too much to accept. You couldn't bare to part with friends so finality. What made the matter worse is it's only been a few months since you got up the courage to drop your over exuberance facade and ask Fluttershy, privately, without hiding behind any party or gags, to walk out with you.

Oh, how your heart pounded like a deep base drum as she stammered, trying not to look you in the eye. When she finally did, and said 'yes~' you felt like you're little party of one just became the perfect party of two. Now, the party had ended, and you just can't accept that harsh, horrible fact.

“W-w-what do you m-m-mean your...your...Yourhhoorrrrhaaaa-hhhaaaa-aaahhh!” You throw your hooves around her neck, letting all of it break free. The moment you over heard Twilight talking to Flutters about the trip, you felt a part of your heart crack. Every day, every passing hour, that crack just kept getting deeper and deeper, as you over heard conversations all over Ponyville of Ponies that were to go, and live in the new land.

Deep down, you knew Fluttershy would say yes. You knew she'd leave everything to go serve the Princesses, and to help others. But, what about you? You knew Fluttershy better than any pony, and you loved her in a way no pony could imagine. Didn't you matter? You feel her hoof stroke your puffy hair, not yet deflated from the horrible truth you keep denying.

“Pinkie,” She whispers in your ear. “I know it's hard. I love you too. I didn't know I could love a pony so much, until we started walking together. It's so hard to go, but I must. You understand, don't you? This is something I have to do.”

“No!” You bury your mussel deeper into her pink mane, your whole body shaking. “No I don't understand! No I don't WANT to understand!” Subconsciously, you held her tighter, as if she might turn into smoke and vanish if you let her go.

Her hoof touches your face, gently lifting your chin to come nose to nose with her. “I need to go. There might be plants there that can help cure illnesses or help ponies live stronger. Equestria needs to grow so we can better protect those we love. The Kingdom is only getting more populated, and if we don't have room, where would we raise all our little fillies and colts?”

“Then take me with you!” It was all you could choke out, as you feel her slipping further and further from your grasp. “Please? Don't leave me...Don't leave me alone again.”

Fluttershy face is one of deep sorrow and acceptance as she slowly shakes her head. “Pinkie, I can't.” Her voice cracks. Taking a pause to swallow back her tears, she continues on. “It's a long trip to the new land, and it very well may be dangerous. I couldn't put you in danger to be hurt, or even killed. And where we're going to be, there is nothing there. We'll have to work hard all day, clearing land, planting crops and creating a settlement.”

You knew your hyperactive character would make you more of a nuisance than anything, and despite how hard you tried to forget, you still remembered how life was on the rock farm. It was hard, depressing and left every part of your body sore. Yet you'd suffer all of that, just to be by the side of the mare you love.

“I'll work hard.” You start babbling, hysteria settling in as the cold grip of reality started to grip you. “I'll stop bouncing around and help ponies clear land, and plant crops. I'll....I'll...”

A yellow hoof places itself over your trembling lips. “I know you would.” Flutters whispers, tears spilling down her cheeks. “But I know how hard it would be for you. I love you too much to put you through all that, just because of me. You belong here, in Ponyville, with our friends here.” Silent streams run down your face as she continues to speak, “I'm sure you'll meet a handsome stallion who will treat you right and have lots of parties and lots of foals with.”

She kisses your cheek as she lets go, gently pulling you off. With grace you've only seen from this shy mare, she leans down to pick up her packed bag of her most prized possessions and starts to trot off to the gathering of those who had been selected for the colonizing. Not far away, you hear Sunset Shimmer and Twilight having an equally emotional farewell.

“You'll write everyday, right?” Twilight was asking, her voice catching. It was no secret that since Sunsets return, the two had been an item. A very cute one you thought at the time.

“Of course I will.” Sunset Shimmer replied. “I'll need all the advice I can get to make this a success. I...I still can't believe Celestia asked me to do this, rather than you.”

You glance over, tearing your eyes off the mare of your dreams to see the two standing close, horns touching. A very intimate touch for unicorns and Alicorns.

“My place is here, in Ponyville, as the Princess of Friendship.” Twilight spoke solemnly. “And it seems your place is in the new land, to lead and protect the ponies of the new Equestria Colony.”

You look back to Fluttershy, standing near the Apple Jack, Big Mack and Granny Smith, while they watched Applebloom give her final goodbyes to Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. The three fillies were hugging, crying audibly as others looked on with a mixture of understanding and pity. This was not easy on any pony, but live seldom was easy, even in civilization. You notice Sunset kiss her mare friend on last time, before trotting to the head of the group.

“Okay, Settlers, onward.”

That was it. No special speech. No band came to play, sending them off with gusto. No party, or royal escort. Just three little words, and they started the long trek to the coast, to get on a ship at Baltimare Harbor and sail away. With every step they take, walking further and further away, you feel your fractured heart start to break. You find yourself biting your lip to keep from shouting, trying not not make this harder than it needs to be. As you see the last glimpse of that pink tail vanish, you feel your heart shatter into a million trillion pieces, and then scatter like dust in the breeze.

Slowly, a hoof wraps around you, joined by another and another. You, Twilight, Rainbow and Rarity huddle together, unable to bare the weight of grief no more, and cry, knowing that this was the last time they'd see your now departed friends.

After a long while, Rainbow broke the sorrowful silence. “Welp,” She sniffs. “I guess it's back to work for us.”

Rarity, who was still holding you closely, nodded. “We wish them all the luck and success they need.”

“They don't need luck.” You correct, dragging a hoof across your eyes, trying to smile. “They have Apple Jack. And Big Mack. And....and...” You couldn't bring yourself to say her name. You knew you had to. You knew that she left a void in your chest that could not be filled, a void you didn't want filled. You never wanted to forget her. Not even for a second.

The others seemed to understand. “And they have Sunset.” Twilight added. “She still has the book Celestia gave her, so we can still keep in contact. I'll ask...” Twilight paused, as if looking at something, but you're too busy pawing at the dirt, trying to swallow the lump in your throat that just wouldn't go away. “...How things are. I'll keep every pony updated on things.”

There was another long pause of silence that seemed to seep deep into the world around you, turning bright colors into dull grays. Rarity rests a hoof on your shoulder as the others silently trot away, each going to her way.

“Pinkie, dear?” She nudges you gently to your hoofs. “Why don't you come with me? We'll have a nice hot cup of tea.”

You nod. You don't care anymore. The mare of your dreams was now gone, and every foul memory that her love kept at bay came rushing back all at once. The long nights you stayed up late, staring at pa's straight razor in your hoofs, wondering if life was worth living. The longly nights you threw a party, only to have everyone leave early. You remember the terrible days where you could overhear Mr. and Mrs. Cake arguing about errors in the finance records. The thought of Mrs. Cake's accusations that Mr. Cake was cheating with you still brings painful stings as you had never done anything to earn such spiteful words from her in your life. Every horrible, painful feeling that you keep hidden behind your mask of smiles and giggles, flooded your mind.

Slowly, you nod to Rarity. “Good. Come along dear. Still much to do today, but I'm sure it's nothing that can't be held off for a few more hours.”

“Rarity?” You ask as you walk with the fashionista. “Am I...Worth loving?”

The was the question. All your life, so many bad things happened to you, around you, because of you. You never thought your life was worth much until you met Flu- her. You still couldn't bring yourself to think her name. But it was her, the way she looked at you. They way she smiled that made you warm inside. She gave you a reason to live. And now, your reason was gone.

“Why of course you are!” Rarity exclaims, bringing you out of your dark thoughts for a moment. “Pinkamina Diane Pie! You are the most loved pony I know. If it weren't for Fluttershy just leaving I-” Her voice cut off abruptly as she watches you crumple to the ground at the sound of her name. “Oh my.” She places a hoof on your head, petting your now deflated mane. “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...” She kneels down on her fore legs, so she's face to face with you. “Yes, dear, you are worth being loved. I already love you. I love you so much, but I know you're not ready, nor do I blame you for it. I can't take her place, nor will I try. But, I will love you as she did you, with all my heart.”

You blink, her words registering in your head. With a bounce, you get to your hooves, glaring daggers at her.

“Really? It hasn't been a full three hours since she left and you're already hitting on me?!” You snort, no longer depressed, but angry. Angry that any pony could think that she would take the place of the one who claimed your heart. “I must say, if you were any more forward, you'd try and get me in bed with you! I'm NOT okay with that! Thanks, but I think I'm going to cancel on tea today. While I'm thinking about it, I don't think I'll be able to make it to our spa treatment tomorrow either, and you can cancel my order of twelve super duper frilly dresses for ridiculous parties too! I'm going home now!”

Rarity was stunned, and hurt. “Wh-no! No, I didn't mean it like that Pinkie!” She stammered, trying to salvage what she could of the train wreck she had just caused. “I was just-I mean I wanted-Pinkie dear, I wanted you to feel better. To know I ca-”

“Oh that's great! That's just dandy!” You spit out the words like they were as tasteless as rock oats. “Sure, Pinkie's a slut, lets make her feel better by saying we'd sleep with her since her partner's gone. Well done Rarity! I feel oodles better!”

“No! I never called you a slut!” Rarity's ears folded back as she lifted a foreleg nervously, ready to take a step back. “I...I was just saying I love you, Pinkie.”

You laugh, a very hard laugh. A laugh that seemed to be made out of broken rocks. “Well, you have a funny way of putting it. So funny, I'm laughing.” And with that, you spin around, slapping her in the nose with your tail. “So, unless you have more funny ways to say hurtful things, I'm going. Oh, and I think you'll want to forget that order for Sweetie Belle's birthday cake. I think the order got lost, and we're too booked for anymore orders right now to have any in time.”

You stomp off, leaving the white unicorn in tears, staring after you.