A Human's Views on Camping In Equestiria

Spike and I stood outside of the schoolhouse. I had been reluctant to begin my education again. After all, I was still nervous about being in this strange land. Even though most ponies had warmed up to me and had accepted me into their community, a few still viewed me as a freak.

“Come on, Anon, it won’t be so bad.  I thought school would be terrible too, but I made some great friends and with a little help, I managed to fit in and have fun.”

I sighed. “Alright, Spike, but if today stinks, you’re paying for cookies at Sugarcube Corner.”

Spike nodded “Deal. But if today’s awesome, then you’re paying!”

I took a deep breath. “Deal. Let’s get inside.”

“Alright, class, today I would like you to meet a new student. His name is Anon. “Anon please come inside.” Miss Cheerily motioned for me to step in. I did and heard a collective gasp from the foals that had not seen me yet.

“Class! That is no way to treat your new classmate! I’m sorry, Anon, they’re usually not like this.”

I waved my hand, dismissing it. “It’s fine. I mean, I’m the only human that’s ever been in Equestria as far as I know, so I expected some kind of shock.”

Miss Cheerily smiled and turned to the ashamed foals. “I bet every one of you has a question.” She looked at me once again. “It is alright, Anon?”

“Sure.”

She pointed at a gray, pegasus colt. “Rumble would you like to ask Anon a question?”

He nodded. “Are you some sort of dragon, like Spike?”

I shook my head, “No. I’m a human. I have hands like Spike, but I don’t have scales  or breath fire.” Miss Cheerily then pointed to a purple and white-haired unicorn filly “Sweetie Belle?”

She looked at me quizzically. “Where’s all your fur? Did you shave it off?”

I chuckled. “Humans don’t grow fur. We grow hair.” I took off the cap I had been wearing that day and showed off my straight brown hair.

“Cool.”

Next, was a yellow earth pony filly.

“Applebloom?”

“Where’d you come from?”

My face saddened. “Earth, but that’s a subject for another time.”

Miss Cheerily put a hoof on my shoulder. “Last question class.”

You know how I said the only thing I hated in this world was early wake up calls? I lied.  So allow me to introduce Diamond Tiara.

“Why would a monkey like you be wearing clothes?”

I looked into the class and saw a pink earth pony filly smirking next to another gray one, which I would soon come to know as Silver Spoon.

I narrowed my gaze at them. “First of all, to answer your question. Human anatomy is… more revealing than yours. And second, I’m a human not a monkey!”

She smirked again, but said nothing.

Miss Cheerily, sensing the conflict intervened. “Well, that’s enough questions for today. Anon, you can sit down.” I walked between the desks and sat in the biggest chair I could find -- which wasn’t that big. Luckily, my seat was between Spike and a small pinto-coated earth colt.

“Hello. Name’s Pipsqueak, but you can call me Pip.”

I looked at him “S’up… and cool accent by the way.”

He grinned “Thanks. I’m from Trottingham.”

“Cool.”

Miss Cheerily interrupted our conversation. “Class, open your math books to page 63. We are beginning long division. A simultaneous groan came from the students, including me.

The next few hours of school were pretty ordinary. I still got some strange looks from different colts and fillies, but all in all, it was okay. At lunch, we all piled out of the schoolhouse and sat down at the picnic tables. Not expecting anyone but Spike to sit with me, I was surprised when Pipsqueak and Rumble joined us.

“Hey, mind if we sit with you?” Rumble asked.

I smiled. “Sure!”

As we were talking, I noticed a group of fillies looking at me. The two girls who asked me questions in class, Applebloom and Sweetie Belle, were part of the group and I recognized the other pony, but couldn’t remember her name. They had seemed friendly enough, so I waved at them to come over. They took their lunches and trotted over to our table. Rumble looked at me like I had just announced that I would burn the school down.

“What are you thinking?” he whispered.

I looked at him questioningly. “What, you scared of some girls?” I teased.

He huffed in anger. “No, it’s just…” He looked at the orange pegasus filly.

Realization dawned on me and I grinned. “Oooooohhhhh. You like her, don’t you?”

He blushed. “NO!”

Spike and Pipsqueak noticed Rumble’s discomfort, too, and together said,  “OOOOOOOOOHH.”

“Hey, what’s so cool?”

We all turned around. The group had arrived at our table.

Not wanting to embarrass Rumble anymore, I quickly responded, “ Oh, nothing, but something tells me you want to ask me something. But first I have no idea who you are.”

The cherry-maned one spoke first, “Easily fixed. Ah’m Applebloom. Ah live with my sister, Applejack, mah brother, Big Mac, and mah Granny Smith.”

I remembered Applejack since she was one of Twilight’s friends.

The orange pony spoke next. “I’m Scootaloo, adopted sister of THE Rainbow Dash,

the most awesome pony alive.”

Oh, right. Rainbow Dash. Sure she was okay. But, she was such a bragger! I could only take her in small doses.

The next one was Sweetie Belle. “Hi. I’m Sweetie Belle and I live with…“

“Rarity, right?”

“Yeah! She made me these clothes!” She smiled. “So, you know her?”

“Yep!”

After everyone introduced themselves I asked, “ So what’s up?”

Scootaloo answered. “Where’s your cutie mark?”

I cocked my head. “A cutie-what?”

Spike elbowed me. “You know. Those pictures the ponies have on their flank?”

“OOOOOHHHHHH.” I looked at the group “I’m like Spike. I don’t get Cutie marks.”

They all gasped. “You don’t get a Cutie mark?!”

I nodded my head “yup.”

Applebloom slumped. “Aww. We just lost our chance at a new member.”

“A new member of what?”

Spike’s eye’s widened. “Anon, no!” But it was too late.

“THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” they suddenly yelled.

Since I was unprepared for their enthusiastic response, I ended up falling of the bench and on to my back. The CMC looked at me momentarily and then started cracking up. Pretty soon so was I, until…

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Cutie Mark Lamers, playing with their monkey friend.”

I turned my head to see my antagonists. Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon both smirked as they trotted toward us. I got up and dusted myself off as they came toward us. Knowing the bullying that would come, I sat down and tried to not get mad.

“Hello, Lizard and Rumble.”

I started getting angry.

“And look at the monkey. Would you like a banana?” she said mockingly.

My face started getting hot.

“Still blank-flanks?” She directed this question at the CMC.

They looked away, ashamed.

Diamond Tiara cackled. “Of course you are. You have no talents.”

My blood really started to boil.

Silver Spoon laughed, “Have you seen Pipsqueak?” she said mockingly.

Diamond giggled and glanced at Pip. “Oh, there he is. I didn’t notice him because he’s so small.”

That was enough to break the dam. “ENOUGH!” I shouted.

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon were shocked, but soon regained their mocking grins. “What? Monkey didn’t get his banana?”

I broke. “Oh, I may not be a monkey, but I still have a crazy side.”

With that cheesy one-liner, Diamond detected imminent danger and dashed off with Silver Spoon hot on her tail. I jumped off my bench and began chasing the duo around the yard and was about to corner them when Miss Cheerily came to their rescue.

“Anon Unknown! This is how you treat your classmates? I think we need to talk.”

I kept walking toward the bullies.

Miss Cheerily, realizing that simple words were not going to stop me, grabbed the bottom of my jeans and began dragging me toward the classroom.

“ Anon, I know Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon have been… troublesome to you. They’ve been mean to most people. But that is no reason to try to attack them.” Miss Cheerily had brought me back in the classroom.

I chuckled.

Miss Cheerily cocked her head “What’s so amusing?”

“You have to admit it was pretty funny watching me chase them around the yard.”

Miss Cheerily frowned. “Anon. It is no laughing matter.”  Then she did something completely unexpected. “It was rather funny.” And then she grinned.

Everybody was amazed to see me sitting at my desk smiling as they filed back into the classroom. Miss Cheerily had talked to me about controlling myself, but was not too angry because she realized Diamond and Silver were to blame. She let me off the hook, but warned that if I tried this again there would be repercussions.

The icing on the cake was when I saw the expressions on the faces of Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon as they watched me kick back in my chair and give them the most crap-eating grin I could muster.

The rest of the day went off without a hitch. Spike approached me as I stood outside.

“So?”

I looked at him. “What?”

“How was your day?”

I sighed and grudgingly replied, “Yes, yes, it was good.”

But before he could reply, Rumble, Pip, and the CMC came running up to me.

“That was so cool, Anon!” Rumble shouted. “How’d you get out of that?”

I smirked. “It was nothing. I just couldn’t let a jerk like Diamond Tiara get away with that.”

Sweetie giggled. “Well, thanks for everything.”

As they started leaving, I spoke up. “Hey! You want to go to Sugarcube Corner? Dessert’s on me.”