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        The Chaotic Adventures of Discord and Lucid        
                   -by scootertheskitty-                   
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                        Luce Cannon                        
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Luce Cannon
It was just before sunrise as Princess Luna gently nudged open the door to her sister's bedroom. She poked her head through the doorway and saw her sister asleep in her beautiful purple velvet bed, her face adorned with a small smile from good dreams. Luna felt a spark of happiness in seeing her smile, that she almost wanted to let her to sleep in. But she knew how ponies would react if the sun didn't rise. They would overreact and cause a riot that would most likely cause millions of bits of damage throughout cities in the process. Then they'd have to sign a bunch of legal documents which would get the two in an even MORE tired mood. Which would lead them into sleeping in even more. Blah, blah, blah. Big cycle. Mass hysteria. Just a normal Monday considering how crazy everypony was in Equestria.
Luna trotted towards her gorgeous sister with a glowing horn and nudged her side gently with a hoof, prompting her to awaken. Celestia responded with a flinch and a yawn as she slowly got up from her slumber. She rubbed her eyes and turned her head towards her younger sister, smiling a bit. "Is it time?"
She nodded in response, contracting her contagious yawn as she answered, "Yes it is. I'm going to sleep a bit myself if it is quite alright."
"Yes, Luna. You have definitely earned a good rest." She scratched her back before getting up and stretching the rest of her body, getting the blood flowing throughout her limbs. She made her way down the hallway and into the kitchen to get her daily coffee. Surprisingly, she was greeted by a white mug with steam coming off from the top. She stepped closer to it and noticed that there was already a steaming hot cup of espresso awaiting for her. She skimmed around the room to see if any guards were around to claim it, but saw no one. When she turned her head back to her cup, she noticed something that wasn't on there before: a bright, yellow sun that matched her cutie mark. Normally she would be a bit startled with its sudden alteration, but instead she stared at the cup and exhaled, as if she was annoyed by someone or...something. She levitated the cup slowly over to her muzzle and took a sip. A spark of energy surged through her as she felt more alert and awake. Although, it wasn't the caffeine that got her adrenaline pumping. It was the hellish burning that her mouth was undergoing.
She didn't care though! There was something about today that made her feel all fuzzy inside, like everything was going to be okay. Second degree burns wouldn't put her down in the dumps! She casually walked towards her freezer and levitated a few ice cubes in her coffee to cool it down. She blew on it once, casually walking past the sudden appearance of a draconequus who was glaring at her.
"Seriously? You aren't even going to acknowledge me OR my work?" it asked.
"Your work? You're referring to a magic mug appearing out of nowhere with my cutie mark on it? That surely can't be the best prank you can pull."
The draconequus folded his arms grumpily and looked away. "Fluttershy says that I have to make my pranks less 'scary' for others after I traumatized a colt at his birthday party. I honestly don't see what so scary about a giant, 30-foot, clown with sharp teeth."
She took another sip of her coffee as she continued to make her way out of the kitchen and into the observatory. "Yes, I do wonder what could've gotten into the poor thing," she said sarcastically, looking back at him.
"It's his loss. I would've loved to have one at my birthday party." He snapped his fingers as a cloud of smoke in the shape of his silhouette appeared and slowly faded. He reappeared with a flash above Celestia, lounging back and levitating above her. "So, are we about to raise the sun again, my sunny little friend?"
She rolled her eyes at Discord's request. "I suppose you can accompany me, this time. Just to reward you for trying to better yourself," she smiled.
Discord's smiled a bit more and responded, "Thank you, my dear." It had been two months since Discord had been universally declared reformed. However "reformed" is a term loosely used. Although he had learned about the importance of friendship, his chaotic personality was still present. He always enjoyed a good prank, and would typically involve either the princesses, or on a less common basis, the Elements of Harmony. Besides that though, he had a decent heart and it became more and more apparent as time went on.
The two of them kept walking until they came across a dark purple door with miniature stars scattered randomly on it labeled "Observatory." The door didn't have a door handle on it, closing off the entrance for anypony. That is, anypony who wasn't an immortal goddess. Celestia's horn glowed, causing a golden, luminous aura to encase the door. With her magic, the door slowly opened, leading into a colossal black room with a giant sundial in the center of it. The sundial had words engraved in it that were from a language long gone and had small depictions of a sun and a moon on opposite sides of it, a small arrow pointing towards the moon. The walls on the black room was illuminated with a brilliant, white moon and a few stars, making it very hard to see. Celestia stepped towards the table as her horn glowed once more. Slowly but surely, the sundial's arrow turned counterclockwise as it made its way towards the sun's illustration. The room slowly grew more and more bright and bluer while the stars faded away. The moon gradually shifted into an image of a blinding sun and a few clouds drifted into view.
Celestia stopped focusing her magic once the arrow had pointed to the sun and glanced over at Discord. He was staring directly into the sun, his eyes sizzling like eggs on a sizzling frying pan. "Discord, what have I told you time after time?"
"Don't stare at the sun," he answered as his eyes melted from his sockets. He wiped his face of his liquefied eyes with a claw as new eyes rolled back into his head from the inside. She sighed at him but smiled again, leading Discord to raise an eyebrow in curiosity. "What's with that grin of yours? You're not usually this cheerful in the mornings."
Although it was hard to believe, it was true. Contrary to popular belief, Celestia actually wasn't a morning pony, and preferred to sleep in most of the time during the winter before raising the sun because it was so cold and her bed was so warm. She was usually groggy and the mornings and hardly spoke to anypony until it was closer to noon. But today, she felt different. "I don't know! I had a wonderful dream last night and that just led me into a good mood!"
"Dreaming about me, eh?" Discord asked with a smirk.
"I said I had a dream, not a nightmare," she joked, rolling her eyes at him.
"Tia, how ruuuuude!" Discord whined, feigning being offended while folding his arms.
She responded with a quiet giggle and said, "You're too goofy sometimes..." She shifted her body around, making her way to the door that was no longer a shade of dark purple with stars on it, but rather now a light blue door with tiny clouds replacing the stars. She used her magic to push the door open as they both walked out of the observatory. "But really, I think that today's going to be a terrific day!"
"Oh really? And what gives you that guarantee?"
"I'm not quite sure, but I can feel it in my bones that today's going to be perfect! I've just got this feeling, you know?"
"I wouldn't count my chickens before they hatch," Discord said, now suddenly adorning a farmer's outfit and a basket full of eggs. One of the eggs started to crack open, revealing a gray chick with Discord's head. "They could become rotten eggs."
She rolled her eyes and turned around. "Well, if you're done making silly puns, I'm going to catch up on some reading. Try not to disturb me, or I'll have a guard come at you with a cattle prod."
"Oh dear, that does sound quite shocking..."
She physically gagged at the pun, trying her best not to throw up. "Gah, what does he know about what the day will bring? Today's going to be great!" she exclaimed in her mind with another big smile. "I'm sure of it!"
---Episode 1: Luce Cannon---
A few hours passed as Luna hesitatingly opened her eyes. She looked around her dark purple room and sat up in her bed, yawning and stretching her front limbs up in the air. She pulled the covers off of her and stood up on all fours, checking the clock. "12:24. Time for lunch," she thought to herself.
Still a wee bit tired, she trotted towards the kitchen lazily, passing a few open doors. However, one of these open doors made her halt in place, as she could of sworn that one of those rooms were...glowing?
She backed up slowly and turned her head to the left to discover that there was a giant, green, glowing, oblong fastened to the wall. She backed up a bit in surprise before gradually inching towards it once more. She entered the room and took a closer glimpse at the wall. "Is this...a portal of some kind?"
She slowly reached out a hoof to make contact with it when its luminosity started to increase. She quickly backed up from the portal as a brown blur expelled from it, making contact with the door on the other side of the hallway and breaking it open. Luna flinched with a slight shriek from the portal's sudden discharge as it quickly collapsed in on itself, leaving no sign of a portal ever existing on the wall.
Yet, the other room was a complete wreck. The blur had smashed the door in half and knocked into a wall, leaving a big and eye-catching dent into it. Luna, who was still in shock, slowly walked towards the room and noticed that the blur that had shot out of the portal was a creature laying on the ground and holding its leg. He had a brownish, thin and tall body, similar to that of a snake's, but the rest of his limbs were much different. He had the front paws of a lion and a fox, the tail of a dragon, the legs of an alligator and a bear, the wings of a pegasus and a bat, and the horns of a deer and a goat. His head was the only thing that made him resemble a pony, which was colored a dull-gray. His mane was black, messy, and in dire need of a trip to the barbershop. Everything else was a mess of various animal parts, like if several animals were put into a large blender and instead of making a big, bloody mess, it made a normal-sized, living and breathing mess. This creature was no doubt a draconequus.
However, this one was different than most draconequui Luna had seen. Well, to be honest, Discord was the only draconequus she had ever knew, but he still had some differences compared to him. Besides the animal parts that constituted him being different than Discord, he did not have a full grown beard, but instead had stubble on his chin. He also was about the size of a full-grown adult pony, which was much smaller than Discord. She couldn't tell if he was young or a midget who had a hard time shaving.
Luna fumbled with her words while staring at the injured draconequus, trying her hardest to think of what to say in this situation. "A-Are you...Are you alright?"
The draconequus immediately responded with an angry, slightly prepubescent tone. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I'M ALRIGHT! I THINK I BROKE MY FREAKING KNEE! SON OF A BITCH!"
Yep, he was just young.
"Young man, there is no need for such language," she said in a stern manner.
"I'M SORRY, BUT I DON'T THINK YOU'RE THE ONE HERE WITH A BROKEN KNEE!"
Luna looked at the young draconequus's knee. It started to bruise a bit, but it didn't look fractured in the slightest. For good measure, her horn glowed as she tried to analyze the state of his knee bone. "It's okay, it's not broken. Only bruised."
"W-Well, how do YOU know? Are you a doctor?!"
"No, but I AM the ruler of Equestria," she answered.
"BUT YOU'RE NOT A DOCTOR!" he yelled, freaking out even more.
She rolled her eyes and decided to try to get some information from him. "Little one, I would to kn–"
"AGGGHHHHHH! IT HURTS SO BAD!"
"...I would like to know–"
"OH JEEZ, I THINK I NEED TO GET IT AMPUTATED!"
"YOU'RE FINE! NOW WHAT'S YOUR NAME?!" she yelled. Realizing she had lost her temper, she quickly coughed and tried to calm down. "Please tell me your name..."
The draconequus slowly stopped whining and answered, "I'm Lucid, Prince of Chaos."
She rose an eyebrow a bit. "Wait, the Prince of Chaos?"
"Yep. I'm trying to find my dad but," he slowly got up from getting flung at a wall and continued, "I haven't been successful yet."
Luna hesitated a bit before asking, "Your dad's name wouldn't happen to be Discord, would it?"
Lucid's eyes immediately widened in surprise. "Yes! Do you know him?"
"Unfortunately, yes. He barges into the castle so often, it feels like he practically lives here."
His eyes immediately lit up after her statement. "Could I see him? I sort of have some business to take care of him. Just family stuff, you know?"
"Oh, of course! I understand completely!" Luna said. "You just want to catch up on what he's doing and give him a hug or two, right?"
"S-Sure! Something like that!" he responded.
"Well, last time I saw him, he was in the library with my sister. We should see if he's still there."
"Alright, lead the way!" he cheered in an over-enthusiastic tone, giving off a smile that looked so wide that it was a wonder that his mouth wasn't in severe pain.
Luna gave an awkward smile back as she made her way to the library. As Lucid followed her, she decided to start up a conversation. "I'm Princess Luna, by the way."
"Lucid. Buuuut, I kinda mentioned that already."
After a few moments of silence, Luna spoke again. "Discord never really mentioned he had a son. I knew he had a young daughter, but she's in another dimension right now where everything's made up of candy."
"Heheh," he chuckled. "Yeah, ol' Pop never really talks about his teenage son. It makes him feel old."
Her awkward smile shifted into a more genuine one as she ruffled Lucid's mane gently. "You know, you're a very sweet draconequus wanting to see your dad again."
"Believe me, your highness. The pleasure is all mine~"
~~~
The two of them finally made their way to the castle library, where Celestia was reading a book intently. She was so captivated in her novel that she was hardly paying attention to her surroundings, such as Discord about to pour a bucket of ice cold water on her. A few minutes before, Discord was thinking of pulling the classic "set-a-bucket-of water-on-top-of-the-door" prank but then decided to settle with taking the door out of the equation.
He was about to splash the cold liquid on the princess when he moved his head up towards Luna and the draconequus. His pupils shrunk as he dropped the bucket straight on Celestia's head, causing her to yelp in pain and rub her head. "GAH! Discord? What is the meaning of–" She paused as she noticed the other, smaller draconequus standing just outside of the library. "Oh, g-good morning! I am Princess Celestia, ruler of–"
"...Equestria. Yes, yes, Luna told me," he interrupted. Celestia looked taken aback as he walked up to the other draconequus, who had his mouth wide open still. "Dad?"
He closed his mouth and gulped. He nodded slowly and started to stammer. "L-Lucid. Oh my gosh it's been so long! I missed you so mu-GAAAAAAHHH!" He screamed in pain as the draconequus kneed him in his...avocados. He crumpled to the ground, groaning loudly and holding onto his crotch.
The younger draconequus kept kicking him while he was on the ground and started screaming at him. "YOU BASTARD! WHY THE HELL DID YOU THINK IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO ABANDON ME TO LIVE IN THAT AWFUL, HORRIBLE DIMENSION?!" His face reddened with rage as he kept kicking Discord while he was down. Discord didn't fight back or even use his chaotic abilities to escape his situation. He just held tight onto his guacamole sack and prayed that the princesses would pry him off.
But they didn't. They just watched the scene with wide eyes and open mouths. In their whole lifetimes, they have never been more surprised at the draconequus's sudden outburst.
"I HATE YOU, YOU UGLY, FREAKING, FLYING SAUSAGE! YOU SUCK! YOU SUCK SO HAAAAAAAARD!" The draconequus, although not spectacular at insulting ponies, had made his point. His physical violence had done most of the talking for him. He stopped attacking Discord and stomped off in anger, exiting the room and leaving his father on the ground.
The two princesses shook their heads quickly and tried to process what just happened. After realizing the swift aggression was indeed real, they rushed over to Discord to help him up. He was breathing heavily, trying to recover from the attack. "Discord, are you alright?" Celestia asked.
Discord nodded in response as he gently sat up, crossing his legs. "I wanted him to break the ice with me, not my balls..."
Luna and Celestia didn't even have the energy to laugh sarcastically at him. "That was terrible," Luna said.
"IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE FUNNY! I WAS KICKED IN THE NUTS BY MY SON!"
They both flinched at his yelling as Celestia asked, "Who was that?"
Discord sighed and lowered his volume. "Lucid, my son..."
Celestia looked even more surprised than she had during the draconequus's assault. "Y-Your son? I thought Screwball was your only child."
"I wish...he really is my teenage son and..." He stopped and let out a sigh. "...I'm his horrible father."
Luna frowned and put a hoof on his shoulder. "I'm here if you need to talk."
Discord looked towards her and then at Celestia, who was also ready to listen to him. He took a breathe in and out. "Okay. I'll tell you what happened." Discord snapped his fingers as he teleported out of sight and into a big, red, velvet chair wearing a monocle, fez, and a red robe. "Gather round as I read you the story of my dear son, Lucid." He brought a pipe to his mouth as he blew into it, bubbles floating towards the sky. He pulled out a fancy, embroidered book from thin air and opened it to the first page.
About 700 years ago, there lived a handsome teenage draconequus named Discord. Discord was a free spirit, always taking life by the claws. He was always getting into trouble and always meeting new ponies so that he could terrify them. However, there was one pony who surprising didn't defecate themselves in fears. Micro Manage, or Miss Manage as he liked to call her. They were a cute couple, or at least as cute as a pony and an abomination of animal parts could get, and they were happy. One thing led to another, and before you knew it, they were breeding like rabbits.
Celestia thought of the image of Discord doing it with another mare and gagged a bit. "I...really didn't need that image in my head."
"Too bad, it's in there now. Anywaaaay..."
Unfortunately for the two of them, they forgot one thing. Condoms. Miss Manage wanted to keep the child, as she felt that they would be great parents. She was wrong. Well, SHE was a great parent, but Discord? He was filled with doubt that he would be a terrible father. These fears were strengthened when the child was finally born. Miss Manage had died while giving birth.
Discord paused a bit and coughed, dropping his smile. He continued, trying to brush off this feeling of sadness.
The child now only had a father to look up to. But how could he, the embodiment of disharmony raise a child and expect him to have high aspirations? What if his child wanted to grow up to be good unlike him? He decided that he'd need the child to be raised in a contained environment. He used his chaotic magic to send him to an alternate universe completely void of life. He set him alone with a projector that played Equestria's entire history so that he would be well-educated. With the child in care, the father tried his best to repress the memories of the child he failed to take care of. However, several years later, a thought came into his mind. What if he were ever to perish somehow? He needed someone to take over the chaotic business. So he conjured up a pony made of pure chaos. She would be just old enough to take care of herself and gain her creator's passion for chaos. Her name was Screwball, the princess of Chaos, and she would become queen when and if Discord ever fades from existence. And they all lived happily ever. Except Discord, who was forever troubled with the thought of being a jerk to his only son. The end.
Discord closed the book and stood up from his chair, his clothes disappearing from his body. "That's the story," he said, leaving Celestia and Luna to look at him with saddened faces.
"Discord...why did you never tell us?" Luna asked.
"I don't like talking about it. I never really like speaking about personal matters like this."
"...Wait a minute, if it's been 700 years then how come Lucid's still a teenager?" Luna asked.
"Time moves slower in that universe. I wanted to forget about him as much as I could so I didn't have to remember that I'm his father..." He paused a bit before looking at the two once more. "I'm even more horrible now than before, aren't I?"
The two sisters turned their heads to each other before focusing their attention to Discord. "We both think that your actions are rather...well, stupid..." Celestia admitted.
"Yeah, I mean you've gotten most of the things about being a parent right except being present for him, which arguably is the easiest part of being a parent..."
"But with all that aside," she continued, glaring at Celestia before looking back at Discord, "we know you were scared and wanted the best for him. We won't hold you against that."
Hearing this, Discord sighed in relief. "Thank you." He smiled a bit before frowning once more. "But still, I'm sure he hates my guts right now."
"Considering he almost liquefied your water balloons, I would believe so," Celestia said, wrapping a wing around her chaotic friend. "But it'll be alright! We'll help you two get your relationship back on track in any way we can!"
Discord quickly at Celestia and surprised. "You'd really help me?"
"Of course we would!" Luna responded cheerfully. "Anything to help a family get back together!"
Discord's frown slowly shifted into a smile at hearing this. He opened his arms and brought the two together in a tight hug. "Thanks, you two!"
Celestia and Luna both returned the hug and smiled back at him. They both shared a group hug before Celestia's eyes widened. She held her stomach tight and quickly ran to the royal bathroom.
"Oh yeah, I put laxatives in her coffee too," Discord snickered to himself.
Luna sighed and put a hoof to her forehead. "I should be mad but..."
"Hilarious, right?"
"Very hilarious," she chuckled.
~~~
After beating up his dad, Lucid stormed quickly to the room that he crashed into from shooting out of the portal. He saw down on the ground and crosses his arms angrily. He was so pissed at his dad that he wanted to scream. "That son of a bitch," he thought. "How could he be pulling pranks while his son was missing for over 16 years?!"
He sighed loudly and curled up on the floor, holding his legs. He didn't know what to do next, so he just laid there to wait. A few minutes passed before he heard hoofsteps. He heard the familiar voice of Princess Luna and cringed a bit. "Lucid, your dad wants to talk to you."
Lucid just curled up tighter and covered his eyes with his legs. "If I can't see you, you can't see me."
Celestia sighed a bit. "That's not how it works, Lucid." Her horn glowed as Lucid was enveloped in a golden aura and lifted up from the ground so he could face the two princesses and Discord. For the first time in his life, he had never seen Discord actually look serious.
Discord poofed up some note cards out of nowhere and started to read them. "Lucid, I'm really sorry for being a terrible father. I was a truly horrible being for putting you through that heartbreak and I hope we can make amends because I love you, Lucid. I want us to be a family again."
There was a moment of silence as Discord lowered his arms and tried to hug him. But before he was able to do so, Lucid quickly interrupted him. "Woah, woah, woah! That's it? You wrote your entire emotional speech on ONE index card?"
"Well, I was short on time and wanted to use the rest of them for drawing pictures of us doing all the fun things we're going to do together!" He brought one of the cards up to his son and showed him a crudely drawn picture of the two of them on a roller coaster colored in crayons. Lucid glared at the picture and then his dad. "Do you like it?" he asked with a big smile.
"YOU THINK THAT'S GOING TO MAKE ME ACCEPT YOU AS MY FATHER?!" he yelled. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT UNIVERSE WAS LIKE? IT WAS DARK AND COLD! THERE WAS NO ONE TO TALK TO! I HAD OATMEAL EVERY DAY FOR MY WHOLE LIFE! BREAKFAST WAS OATMEAL! LUNCH WAS OATMEAL SOUP! DINNER WAS A DAMN OATMEAL SANDWICH! GUESS WHAT THE BREAD WAS MADE OF? FUCKING OATMEAL!"
Discord's ears flattened. "I'm not a good cook, okay?"
"YOU'RE A GOOD DICK, THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE!" He angrily stomped out of the room again before walking back into the room. "CAN I STAY IN THE CASTLE FOR A BIT? I HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE!"
"Y-Yes! Just please don't yell anymore!" Celestia pleaded.
"THANK YOU!" He quickly stormed out of the room once more and entered another room a few doors down the hallway.
Celestia and Luna slowly exchanged worried looks as they frowned. "I'll talk to him," Celestia volunteered as she walked out of the room and knocked on the one closed door in the hallway. She knocked on the door and called out, "Lucid?"
There was a whimper from the other side. "GO AWAY!"
Celestia's ears lowered as she sighed. She opened the door and saw Lucid holding a box of tissues close to him. Lucid quickly sat up and hid the tissues behind his back. "Lucid, it's okay to cry. You've been through a rough life, I can see. I won't judge you."
"I-I wasn't going to cry..." he admitted.
"Then, what was with the tissues f–" She quickly stopped herself and realized the real purpose for the tissues. "Gr-Gross."
"Yeaaahh...so what do you want?"
"L-Lucid," she began, trying to rid her mind of the dirty urges the teenager was about to succumb to, "I want you to give your father a chance."
"Give him a CHANCE?! Did you listen to the speech I just gave back there? OATMEAL!"
"I know, I know! He screwed up and you don't have to apologize! Just consider..." she paused for a bit to think before continuing, "...just consider the possibility of forgiving him in the future, okay? He truly is sorry for his actions."
Lucid calmed down at hearing this and averted his gaze from her. He opened his mouth to speak, but instead sighed. "You do realize there was literally a MILLION different ways he could've handled this?"
"Lucid, your father is the Ruler of Chaos, not the sharpest tool in the shed." She whispered a bit into his ear with a slight giggle, "Don't tell him I said that..."
Lucid tried his best not to laugh, but he couldn't help snicker a bit at that statement. "I-I'll try not to."
"Feel better?" she asked, patting him on the back gently.
With a deep inhale and exhale, he responded, "I'd feel better if I...you know..." He trailed off, grabbing the box of tissues from behind him.
Celestia withdrew herself and took a hoofstep back from the sheer awkwardness of the teen's request. "S-Sure. I'll give you some privacy." She covered her eyes with an arm and backed out of the room hastily. Before she left though, she left him with one last word of advice. "Think about me while you're doing it and I'll slap you across the face."
"U-Understood."
Celestia nodded understandingly and closed the door. She leaned on the opposite wall and let out a long sigh. "Today was NOT a good day..."
Author's Note
So I decided that instead of making this a two-parter to merge an edited first chapter with the second one. I felt as if Discord wasn't written well enough, so I changed his dialogue slightly and made him seem more...chaotic I guess. :twilightsheepish: https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsheepish.png As always, provide criticisms in the comments. I forgot to mention this is my first time focusing on story that's more comedic than slice of life, so please tell me where I should improve and all that :derpytongue2: https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/derpytongue2.png

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                      Discord Inferno                      
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Discord Inferno
---Episode 2: Discord Inferno---
"How long has he been in there?" Luna asked with concerned to the other two immortal entities.
With an abacus in his paw and scholar's cap on his head, Discord quickly slid the beads across the abacus to calculate the answer. "12 hours, 34 minutes, and 5 seconds..."
Celestia turned from Discord back to the door and knocked on it with her hoof. "Lucid, please come out for breakfast."
"6 seconds...7 seconds...8 seconds..." he counted, sliding a bead to the opposite side of the abacus with each number.
Celestia glared at Discord, silencing him...
...For a few seconds.
"21...22...23..."
The door suddenly slammed open, causing them all to flinch. Discord dropped his abacus and cap on the ground, as they transformed into magic dust and fade away instead of shattering. Standing in the middle of the doorway was Lucid, back slouched forward and hair messier than normal. "What do you want?" he asked in a tired tone.
Luna and Celestia, though put off by Lucid's bothered appearance, both smiled at him and tried to make him a bit more happier. "We were wondering if you'd like something to eat. Are you hungry?" Celestia asked.
Lucid replied with a sigh. "Well, I do need food to survive."
"You're in luck then, we just made breakfast!" she said, smiling more. "It's down towards the dining hall. We can lead you down there if you want!"
Lucid shrugged, seeming as if he didn't really care. "If it's oatmeal, I'm going to hurt someone."
Celestia shook her head. "No, it's not oatmeal. Just follow us and you'll see!"
Lucid considered his options and shrugged. He walked out of his newly acquired bedroom and shut the door behind him. The two of them kept smiling at him and led Lucid to the dining room. Discord watched them walk towards the room and hesitated a bit before following them, keeping a distance away from his son.
"So, what did you two make?"
"We both attempted to make you some waffles for breakfast!" Luna said cheerily.
"Yeeah...the keyword is 'attempted.' We usually have guards who make our breakfast for us, but we gave them the day off. Needless to say, we burnt them a little bit."
Lucid was led into a giant room with an abundance of glass art of many important members of the royal family, both past and present, including pictures of the princesses raising and lowering the sun and moon together. Lucid was quite enticed by the beautiful stained glass until his focus was shifted towards the smell of something burnt from the kitchen. He turned to the kitchen, where Celestia and Luna came out with four plates of what resembled crispy, black, burnt squares.
"...Did we say we made waffles? We meant...uh...granola bars!" Celestia said with an fake, overenthusiastic smile.
Lucid stared at them for a few seconds before sighing and shrugging. He walked over to an empty seat and sat down. Celestia sighed as well and levitated the plates back to the kitchen to throw out the "granola bars." Discord noticed how disastrous the breakfast was and grinned a little. He used this opportunity by using his chaotic powers to spawn utensils and four more plates with freshly made waffles on each plate. Four glasses formed to the side of each plate, full of orange juice. Compared to the crappy breakfast, the princesses had made earlier, to say that this breakfast looked delicious was an understatement. Lucid turned his head from the delectable feast towards Discord, who was blowing smoke from his finger as if he were in a western movie. Discord glimpsed at his son, smirking a bit to try to gain his son's respect. Lucid responded with a groan and turned his attention back to his breakfast. He grabbed the fork and knife next to his plate and cut his waffle using them. He took a bite and put on his best poker face to refrain from freaking out. "Holy crap, this is SO much better than oatmeal!" he yelled in his mind. He wanted to smile and eat the rest of the waffles quickly, but he knew if he did then Discord would have rubbed it in his face. He will NOT be beaten by his magic, floating turd of a father.
"How are they, Lucid?" Discord asked giddily, breaking his calm and cool demeanor.
Lucid stood silent to chew for a bit before answering. "Mmm...they're okay. Not great, but okay."
Just by that one compliment alone, Discord felt a million times better. "HE SAID THEY WERE OKAY!" he squealed as Celestia and Luna returned from throwing the burnt waffles out. He grabbed them both in a bear hug and levitated up towards the ceiling. "HE SAID THEY WERE OKAY!" he repeated again, his arms wrapped tightly around the princesses' throats like nooses. They both coughed and gasped for air, squirming to try to escape Discord's grip of death. Oblivious to their pain, he landed back on the ground and released the princesses, making them cough and breathe heavily.
"D-Discord! You almost k-killed us!" Celestia scolded at him, trying to get over a coughing fit. "I swear I'll–" She paused as she noticed the waffles on the tables. "Waffles~?"
"Mhm!" Discord confirmed. "Anything for my son!" He sat down next to Lucid and smiled big, nudging his shoulder with an arm and winking at him.
"Please stop trying..." Lucid muttered under his breath at a volume Discord couldn't hear.
Celestia and Luna joined the two at the table and sat down. They both levitated their forks and knives with their magic and took a bite of their waffles. Their faces immediately lit up as they smiled in bliss. "Oh my gosh, Discord! These are amazing!" Luna exclaimed.
"Mhm! These are soooo delicious!" Celestia agreed as they soon finished the waffles on their plate.
Discord chuckled in response. "Why, thank you! You two want more?"
They both nodded quickly making Discord smile even more. Discord obliged and snapped his fingers, making a waffle iron appear out of thin air. He proceeded to dig his claws into left eye, pulling it out of its socket and placing them on the iron. He pressed down on the waffle iron and opened it, revealing freshly made waffles. "See? I make them myself! Not like that frozen garbage!"
The rest of them all stared at Discord with disgusted faces and tried not to throw up. Lucid immediately grabbed his orange juice and drank it down quickly to get rid of the taste of eye-waffle from his mouth. He slammed the glass on the table and tried to scratch the taste off his tongue with a paw. "Oh Lucid, let me refill that for you!" Discord offered. He pulled his other eye out of his socket and squeezed it over his glass, squirting orange juice into it. He threw his wrinkled and dried-up eyeball over his shoulder as two new eyeballs rolled back into his sockets.
Almost immediately, Lucid stood up. "I'm full. Let's never have waffles again."
"Agreed," Luna and Celestia quickly responded, getting up from their seats.
Lucid was about to retreat back to his room to isolate himself from the others when Celestia put a hoof on his shoulder. "Lucid, wait. I need to talk to you." He stopped in his tracks and turned around to her face her with a confused expression. "It's about school."
"Ohhhhh no! You're not sending me to any school!" he protested.
"Lucid, you're a teenager who's been raised by a projector for your whole life. You need some real education by a real pony."
"I don't want to go to school, Celestia! I've seen the teenagers on the video projector in that dark void! The others are going to make fun of me for being deformed and different and...oh yeah...THE SON OF THE GUY WHO TRIED TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!"
Celestia let out a sad sigh. "If someone's bullying you, just ignore them."
"What if they use physical violence?"
"You're a draconequus, Lucid. An immortal, powerful creature with phenomenal cosmic power!"
Lucid paused for a bit before lifting his paw up to his forehead and exhaled. "Trust me...some teens are pretty stupid."
"Well, if somepony tries to assault you, just try to run away. I know it sounds like bad advice, but you're a draconequus. You have more power than you realize and it could really hurt someone badly. Or worse."
"So, just bottle up my emotions then?"
"Don't think of it like that! You're free to write your emotions down in a diary if you'd like!"
Hearing this, Lucid gagged a bit and looked at her disgustedly. "You couldn't pay me enough to do that."
Celestia rolled her eyes at Lucid's repulsion. "In that case, would you prefer to write me letters? I have a special student who writes letters to me with her friends when she has some important personal information to share with me," she smiled.
"Write you letters? Even though we're literally a couple of hoofsteps away from each other?"
"I find that some ponies prefer to write out their frustrations and discoveries rather than speak them orally...especially teens."
"Ehhhh..." he said with uncertainty in his voice. "I'll think about it if it ever comes up."
"I think it'll help you out a lot," she smiled, ruffling his mane playfully. Lucid only gave her an annoyed expression and groaned audibly. "Would you like me to show you around your new high school?" she asked.
"Depends, when am I starting?"
"You start your first day tomorrow. Today, we can let you meet some of your teachers and classmates."
"Balls," Lucid cursed in his mind. "Does it have to be tomorrow? It feels like things are moving too fast for me."
"Lucid, you've been isolated from your peers for your whole life. You need to spend some time with some other teens."
"But Celestia, other teens suck!" Lucid protested, getting more and more irritated by the second.
Celestia sighed and spoke in a softer, motherly tone. "It won't be that bad, Lucid. You're going to be okay. Discord, Luna, and I will make sure you'll be fine!"
Lucid breathed out heavily and ran his paw through his own mane to calm himself down. "I'll hold you against that if things go wrong."
"That sounds fair," Celestia said, humoring him. "Now go to your room, brush your teeth and..." she paused and noticed his greasy black hair. "...Please take a shower. No offense, but your hair looks positively filthy." Lucid replied with an annoyed grumble and nodded, walking towards his room. "With water too! I swear if you bathe in chocolate like your father, so help me!"
~~~
It had been 20 minutes since Lucid and Celestia had started the tour of the high school with the principal, and each passing minute led Lucid to wanting to stab himself in the brain more and more with a pair of scissors. "This is so boring. I could be home whacking it right now instead of this crap!" he thought to himself as he rubbed his eyes slowly with his paws.
Celestia herself tried not to yawn as they trotted into a dull, beige classroom full of empty seats and a desk with a bored and depressed teacher face-down at his desk. "And here is the math room. This is where you're going to learn math," the ancient fossil of a principal said, straightening whatever old, gray hair was left on his scalp and straightening the tie on his green, unfashionable vest. He straightened the glasses on his face as he continued to explain the high school to Lucid and Celestia. He escorted the two of them down the hallway and to another room that looked emptier with less seats than the last room and with an even duller shade of beige. "And here is the HONORS math room. This is where you're going to learn Honors Math. Or won't. It depends on your math abilities," he explained in a monotone voice.
"Faaaascinating," Lucid said, very tempted to jump out the window and make a run for home.
"That's all for the first floor. Perhaps you two would like to see the second floor?" the principal asked.
Lucid's eyes widened as he interrupted him suddenly. "Actually, I think I'd like to make friends with some other ponies in my grade! Is that okay?"
The principal nodded slowly. "That's fine. They're upstairs on the second floor actually, perhaps some juniors or seniors can assist you in finding your classes." The old principal shifted his attention from Lucid to Celestia and asked, "Perhaps you would like to see my teaching awards, your highness?"
"Why that sounds...not boring at all!" Celestia responded, giving him a big, false smile.
Lucid escaped in a hurry from the horribly mundane tour up the stairs to reach the second floor. He stopped as soon as he reached to the top of the stairs and observed a group of teenage colts and fillies conversing and laughing. Lucid gulped and started to freak out in his mind. "Oh crap, my body is not ready for this." He feared the worst from his group and he started to sweat as he tried to return to Celestia to listen to the dull, depressing adventures of an underpaid principal. However, before he could disappear out of sight from the teens, he immediately heard someone shout in his direction.
"Ohmigosh, is that a draconequus?!" a sassy feminine voice asked loudly.
Lucid halted in place as his blood ran cold. "Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit... he cursed in his mind as he turned around slowly. He gave an obviously phony grin at them, trying not to freak out. "Heyyyy guys. I'm new here so..."
"Holy shit, it IS a draconequus!" an athletic jock with a hoofball jersey on exclaimed in surprise.
"Yeah, uh...you don't mind if you showed me where my classes are, do y–"
"Duuuuude...he's like...every animal put into ooooone!" a female hippie in a tie-dye t-shirt remarked with bloodshot eyes, rubbing Lucid's leg.
Uncomfortable with the touching, he took a step back from her and coughed awkwardly. "Uhh...yeah...um...help. With classes. Maybe?" he requested, his voice cracking a bit.
"Man, what's your name?" the jock asked him as he trotted towards him, intimidating him with his massive size.
Lucid fell silent and stared at the ground. "U-Uhh...Lucid..." he whispered quietly in fear.
"What was that? I can't hear you!"
The jock's energetic and rambunctious nature made Lucid flinch. The draconequus coughed and tried to answer him when he heard a beautiful and angelic voice come from behind him. "Oh my gosh, a draconequus?" His ears perked up as he stepped to the side and looked behind him, noticing a beautiful gray pegasus teenager with a long, light-green mane. She was so beautiful, it made Lucid completely forget about the mob of teenagers staring at him. He could write beautiful poetry about her if he wanted to, but it'd probably end with the lines "these are the reasons I want to bone you."
Lucid soon realized he was staring at her creepily and avert his gaze from her. "U-Um...y-yeah! I'm a draconequus!" he smirked, trying to appear cool to the other teens.
"Holy crap, this is so cool!" she exclaimed as she circled him slowly, gathering every detail of his unique body structure. "What's your name?"
"O-Oh...my name? I-It's Lucid," he stuttered, blushing a bit more.
"Wow, that's a cool name!" she smiled.
The athletic jock's small grin dropped a bit as he wrapped a hoof around the filly defensively. "Yeah, real cool," he added in a less enthusiastic tone than before.
"Oh, Jock. Don't be so jealous over me!" the filly said, rolling her eyes.
"Jock? That's your name?" he asked.
"Yeah, Jock Strap," he responded. "Is that a problem?"
"O-Of course not!" he quickly responded with a smile, trying his damnedest not to laugh.
"Jock, don't be so mean to him. You're scaring the poor thing!" the filly nudged him teasingly.
Jock sighed and smiled at her. "Sorry, Misty," he apologized, rubbing noses with her.
"Aaand they're together. This school sucks once more."
Misty broke away from the nose-rubbing and looked back towards Lucid. "Oh, I'm Misty, by the way! It's great to meet you!"
"L-Likewise!" Lucid said, still managing a smile even though his hopes of getting a fillyfriend were dashed into pathetic dust.
Jock held Misty gently and suddenly frown. "Ooh crap. I forgot to tell you, Misty. The party's off. My parents are coming home from Las Pegasus earlier than I expected."
Misty gasped in surprise and gave him a disappointed expression. "The party's off?" Jock replied with unhappy nod, making Misty pout in discontent. "This sucks. Now what are we all going to do tonight?"
"I don't know..."
"Jock, did you say the gig's off?" a pony with a pink mohawk and nose piercings asked. Jock nodded in response, causing the pony to groan. "That bites!"
The rest of the teenage ponies groaned as well, when Lucid's ears suddenly perked up. "Wait a sec...these guys need a party, I need to look cool, and Misty REALLY needs to get with me because Jock is a total tool." Out loud, Lucid coughed audibly to get the other teens' attention. "I actually don't have any plans to do anything tonight. You guys want to party at my place at around...say...7?"
"Your place? Where do you live?" Misty questioned.
"Oh, you know...just any normal, old giant freaking castle!" he bragged, giving a smug smirk and folding his arms. "I'm staying with the Princesses of Equestria themselves."
Everypony in the room gave him a wide-eyed stare. "You're kidding, right?" Jock said.
"Nope. I could ask the princesses to see if it's alright to party tonight. I mean, if it's cool with all of you guys."
"A party at a castle? Oh my Celestia, can we have the party there, Jock?" Misty pleaded.
Jock took note of his fillyfriend's pleads and gave her a small nuzzle. "Of course we can. That does sound pretty freaking cool."
The teens all cheered at the rescheduling of the new party as they all split into smaller groups and chatted among their closest friends. Lucid snickered to himself at his idea, but stopped when he saw Jock approaching him. They were only a few inches away from each other, and at this distance, Jock's massive size was even more apparent to Lucid. "If you flake on this party, dude, you're going to regret it."
Lucid gulped a bit as his voice trembled. "What are you going to do?"
Jock leaned into his face and whispered. "I'm going to be very disappointed in you, mister."
An awkward silence was exchanged between the two as Jock backed away and led Misty downstairs to the first floor. Lucid shook his head and tried to comprehend what just happened. Realizing that they both had just left, Lucid quickly ran down the stairs and called out to them. "I ain't gonna flake! I promise! There's no way the princesses can say–"
~~~
"–No..." Luna answered simply while reading a book in the library.
"What?! Why not?!"
"Lucid, I know how much you want to socialize with your new friends. But there's somepony who needs more attention right now," she said. "And you're going to his house tonight to spend some time with him. He really needs it."
"Seriously?"
"Yes, Lucid," Luna asserted, putting down her book and looking him square in the eye. "That's my final word on the matter. Although if you wish to have your party at Discord's house I'm sure he would be more than happy to accommodate you with a proper 'shindig.' As the kids say it nowadays."
Lucid put a paw to his face in embarrassment. "Any kid who ever called a party a 'shindig' is probably dead from old age by now."
Luna sighed at Lucid's comment and shook her head. "It doesn't matter. You're going to stay with Discord tonight. Work around it."
Lucid growled and started to stammer loudly in frustration. "But–! I–! RGH!" Lucid folded his arms and pouted. "This sucks!"
Luna tried her best to ignore him as she got up and walked out of the library, eyes fixated on the book she was levitating up to her face with magic. As she as she left, Lucid felt a warm presence from behind him. He turned around slowly to see Discord giving him an overenthusiastic grin. "Hey Mini-Me! How was the tour around the school?"
"It was boring and stupid," Lucid answered with a monotone.
"Aww...are you friends at least nice?"
"One of them's an asshole jock and another is a hot and playful mare who's dating the previously mentioned tool and...it just makes me sick, you know?"
"Ahhhh...I see what's going on here! Somepony's green with envy!" he pointed out as his body tinted into a light shade of green.
"Okay, first of all, never make another pun in earshot of me ever again. Please. Second, I'm not jealous. I'm disappointed that such a beautiful and intelligent mare would settle for a stupid imbecile pile of muscle stuffed into a sweaty football outfit."
"Because you'd rather have her settle for a 'kind, thoughtful, open-minded draconequus?' You're obviously jealous, Lucid!" he said with a smirk.
"I am not jealous. I'm just angry at him because...well...I sorta need to throw an awesome party or he'll beat me up. And even if he doesn't, he's going to tell everypony at school that I'm not cool. That's going to seriously mess up my reputation!"
"Oh...that certainly is a pickle. Hmm...you know, I could throw a party for your little friends. I can't have my handsome son's face ruined by some football player!" he said with a ruffle of Lucid's mane. Lucid groaned in response, but was at least thankful that his party would pull through.
"Ngh...thanks..."
Discord gasped in false surprise. "Do my ears deceive me? I think my son just said 'thank you' to me!"
"Yeah, fine. I did. Don't get a heart attack over it," Lucid said with a fold of his arms.
Discord snickered a bit at his son's response. His smile soon faded as he came to a sudden realization. "Oh no, I left the oven off!" he exclaimed.
"Wait what? You...You mean on, right?"
"No! We need to get home now!"
He snapped his fingers and a green, swirling portal appeared from thin air. Discord leaped through the portal, leaving it open for Lucid to follow. He poked his head through the portal and caught sight of the kitchen. There were broken plates everywhere and the dishwasher was overflowing with suds. The refrigerator was left open, leaving any food that was inside of it rotten and moldy. "Why is the place such a wreck?" Lucid thought to himself.
He looked towards the oven and saw Discord preheating it. After a few button presses, the oven instantaneously burst on fire. Lucid flinched as the flames shot out of the oven door, sending glass from the oven door everywhere. "Phew. Didn't want to freeze over the house!"
Lucid's mouth slowly gaped open as he noticed the doorway that was decorated with mossy logs. He inched his way to the living room cautiously, fearing the worst. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he realized that the living room looked much better than the kitchen. Sure, the stairs leading to the second floor were upside down and the floor was decorated with wallpaper and the walls were furnished with hardwood. But hey, at least it wasn't on fire!
"Oh, I'm sorry Lucid. Let me clean this place up a bit for your party!" He snapped his fingers as the wallpaper underneath him ripped apart. The table that was sitting in the middle of the room had crumbled to sawdust and the shelves that were covered with glass plates fell over with a loud crash. A table with red, plastic cups arose from existence and dropped onto the floor. A disco ball descended from a small hole in the ceiling and spun around gradually before hitting the ground and shattering into pieces. The whole room was an even bigger mess than the kitchen itself! "There we go! All ready for your party!"
Lucid's eyes widened as he started to panic. "NO NO NO! THIS IS BAD! THIS PLACE LOOKS LIKE CRAP!" He turned to Discord with anxiety and anger, "WHY DID YOU TRASH THE PLACE?! IT LOOKS LIKE A CRAZY CAT LADY'S HOUSE NOW!"
"You wanted me to decorate for a high school party and that's what I did! I just added a little bit of my 'special touch' to it!"
"OH YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOT YOUR NAME ALL OVER IT!" Lucid shouted. "AND I MEAN YOU LITERALLY WROTE YOUR NAME ON THE FREAKIN' WALLS IN BROWN GRAFFITI!"
"Hey now! I happen to love the color brown!"
"IT LOOKS LIKE YOU RAN OUT OF TOILET PAPER AND USED THE WALLS INSTEAD!"
"Oh, and thanks for my reminding me! I need to replace the toilet paper with the 'special' one!" he exclaimed happily as his arms suddenly were full of hundreds of square pieces of sandpaper. He was about to enter the bathroom before Lucid yanked at his tail, causing Discord to drop the sandpaper onto the floor.
"Dad, this party is going to blow unless we get this place cleaned up by 7 o' clock! We need to do some planning! We need some...some blueprints or something to plan the best party ev–"
"But, I already sent them here," Discord interrupted, picking up the sandpaper off the ground.
"YOU WHAT?!" Lucid screamed at the top of his lungs.
"Yep, I sent them portals and everything. If we're having a party at my house, it's going to go by MY rules, okay?"
"YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT PARTYING, YOU OLD FART!"
"I may be a gaseous cloud expelled through the anal cavity, but I know how to party! Now please, open the door for your guests!"
With that, the sound of a doorbell playing in reverse could be heard throughout the house. Lucid's pupils shrunk as he looked through a nearby window. He noticed immediately a group of confused and slightly terrified high school students shifting their heads to the sides of them as if something was about to sneak up on them and attack them. "Great, I'm boned." He bit his lip and inhaled deep, walking towards the front door and opening it. "Heeeeeey, guuuuuys!" he greeted them with a big, obviously fake, toothy smile.
"Lucid, where are we?!" Misty asked with uneasiness.
"And why the hell is the sky purple?!" Jock added.
"...Duuuude...this is the best high I've ever been oooon..." a random hippie whispered to her friend.
Lucid gulped and dropped his smile. "Okay, I couldn't have the party at the castle because I'm spending time with my dad. And he's...well...you know that guy who tried to take over Equestria?"
"Which one? There have been so many I've lost track," admitted Misty.
"He's..." he took a deep breath in and exhaled. "...Discord. My dad is Discord."
Instead of getting an expected gasp of surprise, all of the ponies just stood silent. "I sort of expected that. I mean, there is only one draconequus in Equestria," Jock pointed out.
"Oh. I thought this would've been a startling discovery or something..."
"Nope."
"..."
"..."
After an awkward moment of silence, Lucid spoke up. "Well...come in then! The place is a little wrecked, but we can still have a party!"
A bit skeptical, the ponies carefully stepped inside the house, looking around. After taking one glance at the unkempt living room, the ponies stopped in their tracks. "Dude, this place has already been trashed!" complained a pegasus from the back.
"Did we miss the party?!" shouted out another pony from the group.
"Noooooohohoho..." Discord chuckled from another room. "This party is far from over~" He levitated into the living room and gave a smirk, making all of the ponies in the room flinch in intimidation. They all backed up a bit, trying to find the door, but rather than meeting the wood of a door, they met with a soft fur. Startled, they turned around to see another Discord blocking the entrance. "Hey, don't leave so soon! We're going to have a great party! In fact, would you like to some drinks?"
All of them calmed down a bit as a random pony spoke up, "Yeah, some drinks would be nice!"
"Alright, punch is over there!" he said pointing to the punch table.
They all walked to the punch table and grabbed their own cup. They took a sip as their eyes lit up. "Woah, this is amazing!" Misty exclaimed.
"Thanks, I made it myself!" Discord said cheerfully, giving a grin.
Hearing this, Lucid took the cup of punch he was about to drink and dumped it out the window. After disposing of the disgusting liquid, he observed that his peers were having conversations amongst themselves. He smiled a bit in relief, knowing that the party was going better than he'd thought it would. This relief was shortly ended as he heard music. But this was no ordinary music. It sounded as if the music was being played backwards and then pitched up obnoxiously high. Lucid tried not to cover his ears in pain and saw that Discord had just brought in a DJ booth with two loud, ginormous speakers that were blasting the annoying music throughout the house. Lucid growled at his father and stomped up to him. "Daaaaad. Stop playing your crazy-ass chaotic music and put on some real music!
"Hm? Oh, this isn't my music! Somepony suggested me to play modern music and so I did!"
"Wait...what?" He looked towards the guests and saw that they all had their hooves in the air and dancing.
"THIS IS MY FAVORITE SOOOONG!" a filly cheered with gum in her mouth.
"...Is today's music really that bad?" Lucid thought to himself. He shook his head and shrugged, happy again that his classmates were enjoying themselves. Everything was going fine until Lucid heard a scream coming from the kitchen. Alarmed, Lucid quickly ran into the kitchen to see a filly with her mouth gaping wide open with fear at the open refrigerator. "What happened?"
"I...my friend...just went to grab something to eat. But she reached further back past the rotten food and...disappeared through a portal!"
"She what?" Lucid glanced through the top shelf of the fridge and there was indeed a green, swirling vortex present inside of the fridge that almost instantaneously closed when he laid eyes on it. As soon as it closed, the filly trembled in fear over the loss of her friend. Lucid grunted loudly in rage and screamed out, "DAD, GET OVER HERE!"
A record scratch was heard as music stopped blaring from the speakers. Discord tilted his head towards the doorway and teleported to his side. "Lucid, what's wrong?"
"Your stupid fridge just sucked in a pony through a portal!"
The filly started to cry over her disappearing friend. "SHE WAS MY FRIEND! SHE WAS A TOTAL BITCH AND I HATED HER, BUT SHE WAS STILL MY FRIEND!"
"Lucid, I–"
"Why couldn't I have had a normal dad instead of a fucking god of chaos?! Why can't you be a normal pony with a normal house? Not some...evil abomination of nature with sadistic humor? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?! A NORMAL FUCKING DAD?!" Lucid throat ached with soreness from yelling at him, making Discord whimper.
Discord sniffed and stayed calm. "The portal leads to a much large area where I keep all of my fanciest drinks." He looked towards the crying filly and reassured her "Your friend is okay. She's probably just in awe from all the wines and beers and whatnot."
The filly immediately stopped crying as she gazed up at him. "You have beer?"
Lucid's anger suddenly dropped from Discord's statement. He stared at Discord's upset face and saw a small tear roll down his cheek. Discord bit his lip and covered his face with a paw. "S-Sorry everyone..." Discord tried to apologize. "I've...been a horrible party planner it looks like..."
"What? No! Discord, we like you!" Misty said. "You've thrown a great party!"
"Yeah! Don't listen to him!" Jock reassured him before glaring at Lucid. He got up in his face, making him whine from intimidation.
"Please don't beat me up!" Lucid pleaded.
"What? I never said I was going to beat you up, man. I just said I would be very disappointed in you...which I am!" He pointed to Discord and continued, "This guy's your father and he needs some respect from you! He just helped you throw a party, something my parents would freak out over! He's a cool po–err...draconequus."
Discord sniffed again and wiped his eyes. "Th-Thanks, Jock..." he said with a smile.
Jock smiled back. "No problem. Now how about we get this party rolling again?" The rest of the ponies cheered with agreement as the portal to the fridge opened once more. A filly crawled out from it, holding a few drinks by her mouth.
"I FOUND ALCOHOOOOOOL!"
The ponies all cheered louder than before as Discord rolled his eyes at their immaturity. He floated back over to the DJ booth and began to play music once more. All the ponies gathered into the living room with their drinks and danced to the beat of the music. Lucid watched them party for a minute before sighing again and staring down at the ground. "Wow, I'm a dick."
~~~
The party lingered on throughout the night as Lucid sat outside on the grass, feeling as if he was the biggest jerk in the world. Considering that Discord's house could be on another plane of existence, he probably wouldn't be wrong anyway. After a few hours, the intense music had been replaced with quieter and more relaxing music, signifying a slow dance had begun for any couples who attended the party. Lucid exhaled with more sadness, feeling as lonely as when he was isolated in that dark void until he heard the rustling in the grass. He looked back and saw Discord was walking towards him slowly. Lucid's ears flattened against his head as he uncomfortably shuffled a bit. Discord sat down next to him and gazed out towards the floating islands as well. "I set up a slow dance so we could have a chat."
Lucid replied with a sigh, feeling troubled from his earlier comment. "Dad, I didn't mean what I said back there," he said, staring at the grass.
"You did. You meant every word of it. You're just saying that because you think that will cheer me up."
"...You didn't have to put it that harsh..."
Discord exhaled from his nose to stifle a chuckled and smirked a bit. He dropped his smirk and gave him a more serious expression. "Lucid, whatever you said back there...don't feel like a jerk because of it. Everything you said was justified."
"No...it wasn't. I called you a crappy dad, and that's not true at all."
"Lucid, I locked you up in that void for all of your life thinking it would be a perfect solution. I was horribly wrong. You needed parents...or at least one parent. This is just as much as my fault, if not more, than yours." Discord coughed to clear his throat. "I should've been there for my son." Lucid stood silent, still feeling guilty over the whole incident. Discord wrapped an arm around him and patted his shoulder. "Hey, we can act all emotional later. A party this good only happens once in a while, and I think you should be able to experience it."
Lucid moved his head up towards Discord in surprise. "Even after I said all that?"
"Hey, no matter how bad you acted, you're still my son. Besides, you could use a little cheering up," he smiled.
Discord helped him, making Lucid smile a bit as they both slowly walked back into the house. "You know, when the princesses find out you've given these guys alcohol, they're gonna kill you."
"Oh, it's not alcohol. It's my eye juice. They only think they're all drunk."
Lucid snickered a bit in response. "That's actually pretty funny."
"...Eye...think so too!" he chuckled to himself.
Lucid glared at him and groaned audibly. "And now you're uncool again."
"Hey, it comes with being a dad," he said as they entered the house once more and shut the door behind them.
Author's Note
Not much I can really say here except enjoy!
Misty is owned by Sheep (https://www.fimfiction.net/user/Discorded+SheepcityUSA)

//-------------------------------------------------------//
                      Twisted Sister                       
//-------------------------------------------------------//
Twisted Sister
"Ugh..." Lucid woke up groggily from Discord's couch and rubbed his eyes. He looked up as his vision focused. He noticed that he was looking up at the floor. That's when he remembered that the couch was on the ceiling.
"AGH!" Lucid screamed as he fell from the couch and onto his chest, coughing loudly from having the wind knocked out of him. He slowly got up with a paw over his chest as a yellow sticky note caught his eye. He walked towards it and read it aloud. "Went to Canterlot to mess off Celestia. Be back at 10." He turned his head towards the clock to see how much time he had left.
9:30...huh... he thought. Better make sure he's gone...
Lucid looked around the room, making positively sure that Discord wasn't lurking about somewhere. He got up and searched in the cupboards, the attic, under the rug and inside the toilet. The search was short, luckily, because they all happened to be in the same room together. Lucid breathed out a sigh of relief and ran upstairs to the guest bedroom. He opened the door and poked his head through the entrance. He noticed that the entire room was dusty and full of cobwebs. The room had been so unused and uncared for that the paint had faded to a depressing grayish color.
I expected nothing less from him, Lucid thought to himself.
He shrugged and closed the door behind him, locking it. With his chaotic magic, Lucid summoned a box of tissues and proceeded to lay on the bed. "Alright then. Ready."
"Ready for what?" came a voice from above him.
"GAH!" Lucid flinched, turning around. Floating in midair was a small pink filly with curly purple hair. On top of her head was a small beanie with a propeller perched on the top. Her eyes, which were her most notable feature, had swirly pupils, almost as if she was hypnotized. He was so startled by the floating filly that he dropped the tissue box on the ground, causing the filly to take notice of it.
"Tissues? Are you crying?"
Lucid snapped out of his stunned state and looked down at the box. His eyes widened as he frantically threw the box under the bed and sat back upright. "No! I w-wasn't crying!"
"You weren't? Well, were you cleaning something up?"
"I was about to..." Lucid mumbled under his breath.
"Hm?"
"Oh, nothing! Nothing!" Lucid gave an innocent smile, trying not to laugh. She's so naive. I'd almost hate to destroy her innocence. He paused for a moment in his head. Almost...
"So, what brings you here? What's your name?"
"Lucid. Prince of chaos AND son of Discord. I sort of live here now."
"Wait. SON of Discord? That's impossible! Daddy only has one child!"
"Yeah. Me."
"No, me!" the filly protested, pointing to herself.
Lucid raised an eyebrow. "Kid, you're delusional. Now where do you live so I can take you back home?"
"Here! Because I'm Screwball! I am the princess of chaos!" she declared, raising her front hooves in the air.
"...Uh huh...suuuuuure you are," he said, rolling his eyes.
"You callin' me a liar?" she glared.
"Oh, yes. The biggest liar I have ever met. Your pants aren't just on fire, they're practically melting. Melting from the sheer heat of the lies spewing out of your facehole."
"If I'm lying, then explain how I'm floating!" the filly argued, doing a front-flip in midair.
"You're implying the physics in this dimension aren't messed up." Lucid reached for a soft pillow from his bed and picked it up. He threw it at a wall gently, causing a massive explosion which left a gaping hole. The crater slowly started to heal itself back up with chaotic magic as another pillow appeared out of nowhere and landed on the bed. "See?"
"Touché." The filly landed on the bed, sighing. "Still though. You're the delusional one! Daddy has only one child: me! So go home before I have him kick your butt!"
"Cute threat, but I'm not afraid of you. I'm staying here, okay, little filly?"
"I told you my name's 'Screwball!'" She folded her arms and growled a bit like a lion. "You're gonna get iiiiit..."
"Yeah sure. I bet I will. The scary filly is going to get MY dad to beat me up." He squeezed her nose gently with his fingers, taunting her. "Scaryyyy..."
Screwball growled again and opened her mouth. She closed them on his paw, causing Lucid to yelp in pain. "OW!" He pulled his paw back and held it under his opposite arm. "You little brat! I'm going to make your life a living hell!"
"That's funny, because I was thinking the exact same thing!"
"Listen here, you little runt!"
Before Lucid could threaten her again, Discord appeared out of nowhere in a cloud of smoke and wrapped an arm around each of them. "Ohh, one big happy family!" he grinned toothily.
"Dad, this little–" Lucid turned his head towards Screwball and continued, "S-H-I-T thinks she's your daughter and won't leave!"
"Daddy, this guy thinks he's YOUR son and has been threatening to hurt me! Plus he's stinking up the joint!"
"YOU SHUT THE HELL UP!"
"Kids! Kids! You're both correct!" Discord said, bringing them closer to him with a hug.
"Wait, what?" they both asked at the same time.
"That's right!" he smirked.
"About her being your daughter?" Lucid asked.
"And about him being your son?" Screwball added.
"Everything," Discord confirmed. He then reached his paw over to Lucid's paw and stealthily handed him a can of deodorant. "...Even the stinking up the joint part," he whispered to Lucid.
Lucid stared at Discord. Not because he just insulted his smell, but because he nonchalantly just told him that Screwball was his daughter. "Wh-Which then means..."
"You two are brother and sister! Isn't that great?"
"..."
They both stared at each other in silence before Lucid spoke up. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"Oh, shoot. I didn't? It was on my to-do list!" He summoned a piece of paper out of nowhere and read it aloud. "Get milk. Get eggs. Get cheese. Tell son about sister he's had for several years out of nowhere and without any warning. Aaand get bread." Discord shrugged as the list spontaneously combusted. "I must've missed that. Oh well!"
The two siblings continued to stare at each other as Screwball said, "I think...I think I need some time to take all of this in."
"R-Right," Lucid agreed. "I think I'll need a few minutes. Perhaps around six or seven depending on how I feel." He reached under the bed and retrieved the thrown tissue box before walking out of the room and towards the bathroom.
"Is he...going to wipe his butt with tissues?"
"...S-Sure, Screwy," Discord said, a bit disturbed. "Whatever you'd like to believe."
---Episode 3: Twisted Sister---
Lucid was at the dining table, holding his head with his hooves. "I-I have a little sister..."
"Apparently," Screwball said.
"And...my sister was forged from your chaotic powers after you got lonely without mom or me."
"That's right son. Now eat your waffles," Discord told him.
Lucid glanced at the waffles, which were an odd shade of blue. "You expect me to eat those when I just found out I had a sister?!"
"Well, you can't have an identity crisis on an empty stomach," Discord answered him.
"He's got a point there, Lucy!" Screwball added.
"Wait, Screwball, you're OKAY with this? This doesn't even phase you?"
"I'm over it. I get over crisises quickly. Wait, is it crisises? Crisii?"
"She takes more after me. In fact, she was forged from my power alone, so she takes ALL after me."
Lucid groaned and turned his head towards the clock hanging from the ceiling. "What time is it?"
Discord drew his attention to the clock as well. "I honestly don't know. That eight-handed clock's been confusing even me. Though I'd have to guess it'd be 9:30."
"But it was 9:30 about a half hour ago."
"Then it's probably 10:30. That clock's always been slow."
"You just said you couldn't read the..." Lucid trailed off and gave up, putting a paw to his forehead. "Nevermind. I just need to get to school."
"Ooh! Ooh! Can I come too?" Screwball asked.
"No, you can't," Lucid answered.
"Oh come on, Lucid, let her have her fun! She's never seen a high school before!"
"Because she's still a kid!"
"Lucy, I promise to be a good filly! Pleaaaaase!" Screwball pleaded.
"No! And stop calling me Lucy!" Lucid quickly turned towards his father. "How do I...exit this dimension, by the way?"
"I'll help you." With that, Discord snapped his fingers as Lucid appeared outside of his high school in a cloud of smoke. Two more clouds of smoke appeared on each side of him as Lucid head tilted downwards towards his paws. In his right paw was a backpack full of what felt like heavy books and in the other was a paper sack labeled in pen "Lucid's Lunch." He noticed the "i" in his name was dotted with a heart, causing him to groan in embarrassment.
Lucid entered the high school hesitantly and made his way towards his new locker. "Alright Lucid. Calm down. Nothing ever bad happens at a high school." When he got to his locker, he unzipped his backpack. Instead of several books filling up the bag, a single purple filly sprang out of it like a jack-in-the-box.
"Phew, it was getting cramped in there!"
"Sc-SCREWBALL? WHAT THE HELL?"
"I just wanted to spend time with my big brother! I really want to get to know you!"
"This isn't the time right now, you got th–"
"Yo, Lucid!" a masculine voice called out.
"CRAP!" He picked up the bag quickly with Screwball in it and stuffed it in his locker. He slammed the door, making Screwball yelp in surprise.
"...Jerk..." she muttered under her breath.
Lucid turned his whole body around quickly and leaned on his locker. His eyes widened and he flinched as he noticed the stallion that called out for him was Jock. "Hey, your dad threw an awesome party last night!"
"Oh, th-thanks. Heh. Uhh...about last night. I...didn't mean to be an asshole and all. I was just under some stress and–"
"Don't worry, your dad explained everything to us. About that alternate dimension or whatever it was. It's all good now."
"Really? Oh good..." Lucid let out a sigh of relief and took pressure off the locker door. With the weight of his body lifted, Screwball kicked open the door, whacking Lucid in the head. "AGH!"
"What's the big idea stuffing me in your locker, bub?" Screwball asked.
Jock stepped back in surprise. "Lucid, who's this?"
"That's...nnngh..." Lucid groaned in pain and rubbed his head. "That's my brat of a sister, Screwball."
"A pleasure, sir." Screwball bowed to Jock before standing up straight. "Wooooah..." She gazed at his muscles, observing how big and veiny they are. "Someone's been working out!"
Jock chuckled at her compliment. "Well, I can bench press a good 260 pounds."
"I would've guessed 300. Dang, you can break someone's neck just by flexing your biceps!"
Jock laughed a bit again, a bit louder than before. "Lucid, your sister's awesome!"
"Sh-She is?"
"Totally! Hey, Misty!" Jock called out.
Misty glanced over from the other mares she was talking to and towards the three. She trotted towards them and pored over Screwball. "Oh my gosh, you're so cute!"
"I could say the same thing about your manestyle!"
"Do you really like it? Aww, you're so sweet!"
Lucid took into account the interaction between the two and decided to use it towards his advantage. "Misty, this is my little sister, Screwball!" he grinned.
"She's your sister? She's adorable!"
"I do have a reputation to uphold," Screwball said, browsing her own hooves while leaning on the wall of the locker.
"I know, r-right?" She's just a big, sweet bundle of popularity! Popularity I can use to profit from...
The class bell rang as all the students started to walk their classrooms. "Well, I'll see you later. Bye, Lucid! Bye, Screwball!" She waved at them before leaning on Jock's side.
Jock wrapped an arm around her and also waved to them. "See ya," he smiled as they trotted off together.
Lucid stared at them leaving for a few seconds before Screwball spoke up. "And that's how you get ponies to like you."
Lucid turned his head to Screwball. "How did you do that so easily?"
"Honestly? You just need to kiss up to them. Honestly, I thought that filly's hairstyle was hideous, but instead I acted like it was the best pile of manure I've ever seen. Plus..." Screwball squished her cheeks together, giving him the cutest face she could muster. "It helps being an adowable wittwe fiwwy~"
"Nnngh...alright, I get it. You think you can keep this up for me so I can look cool in front of the others?"
"I think that can be arranged...if you give me whatever dessert Daddy packed you for lunch."
Lucid sighed. "Fine." He opened up his lunch sack and peered inside. "Um..."
"What?"
"This is nothing BUT dessert." Lucid reached inside the sack and pulled out several cookies.
"Oooooh..." She licked her lips. "How many cookies are in there?"
Lucid flipped the bag upside down as an endless pile of cookies rained down. "An infinite number."
"I don't know...infinity's not that big..."
"Screwball..." Lucid groaned.
"Okay, okay. You have a deal." She took the bag from him and opened her mouth, letting the cookies spill down her throat.
With that, Lucid rolled his eyes and made his way to class.
When the clock struck at 1, Lucid made his way towards the cafeteria. Without a lunch, he trotted towards the tables to see if Screwball was already sitting down. He scanned the area and found her along with Jock, Misty, and several other popular ponies at a table towards the middle of the cafeteria. Lucid hastily made his way towards the table and noticed that all the seats were taken.
"Hey, Screwball...uh...thanks for saving my seat for me!"
"What are you talking about? This is my seat!" she said, leaning back.
"Eheh...uhh..." he whispered in her ear. "Screwball, seriously. Let me have this seat. We had a deal."
She whispered back, "Our deal was that I'd stay here and be popular. Now just get a chair."
"But there's no room!"
She groaned as her eyes started to glow. The spirals in her eyes started to rotate as the table was made longer, giving Lucid enough room to move into.
"Thanks." He walked over a grabbed a chair, bringing it over to the table. He sat down and looked at everyone. "H-Hey everyone."
"So Screwball," a random pony said, ignoring Lucid. "How was that alternate dimension where ponies evolved from corn?"
"Ehh, it wasn't too exciting. It was just a bunch of corn ponies walking around. Everything was on the cob there."
"YOU traveled to an alternate dimension?" Lucid asked.
"Of course! I always visit alternate realities when I'm bored. That's why I wasn't at Daddy's house."
"...Ah..."
"But anyway, there's this cool dimension where everything's made up candy! It was so awesome, guys!"
"Wait, really?" Misty asked. "Can we go there after school?"
"It's kind of destroyed once I got my hooves on it. But I'm sure I can find another dimension like that!"
"H-Hey uh..." Lucid spoke up. "I...learned solitaire by myself while in that void!"
Everypony stood silent before looking at Screwball. "What other dimensions did you visit?" a pony asked.
"I-I can put my leg behind my head! Wanna see?"
"Lucid," Jock said. "We wanna hear more about where your sister's been!"
"But...sh-she...ugh..." Lucid groaned. "Fine." Lucid put his elbow on the table and held his head with his paw as Screwball continued to tell stories for several more minutes.
"And there was another universe in which ponies produced asexually...that was disturbing. Another one where the letters 'F' and 'S' don't exist, which really eliminated most swearing all together. Another one where–" The bell rang again, interrupting Screwball. "Oh well, I'll tell you guys more after school."
"Awesome! Can't wait!" Jock said as they left the cafeteria. Watching them leave, Lucid glared at Screwball.
"...What? What did I do?" she asked.
"You stole my popularity thunder. Now they're ignoring me over you!"
"Yeesh. I'm sorry! I can't help being interesting." Lucid gritted his teeth together. Realizing that just made him angrier, she quickly added, "But I'm sure that Daddy can take you on adventures like I go on! Then you could have awesome stories to tell like me!"
"Hmm...hey, that could actually work," Lucid considered. Dad has unlimited access to every conceivable universe. He wouldn't mind taking me on a few dangerous and exciting trips. He doesn't give a shit about my safety! It's perfect! "Thanks, Screwball," Lucid said aloud.
"Hey, whatever furthers the plot."
"What?"
"Oh, nothing. Carry on!"
Lucid blinked at her for a bit. After a few moments, he shrugged and made his way to his next class.
The bell rang for the final time that day, and all the students rushed out the doors to either return home, or to hang out with their friends. Lucid walked out of the high school and searched for Screwball. He saw that she was talking to the same group of popular ponies, making Lucid a bit jealous. While he was distracted, all of a sudden he felt a warm touch on his shoulder, startling him.
"Gah!" He quickly turned around to see Discord behind him.
He snickered a bit before asking, "How was the first day of school?"
"Awful. Boring. Shitty. But..." Lucid said. "If you take me on a few adventures across the multiverse, I could have interesting experiences and life lessons to share with my peers so that then I may become popular and win the mare of my dreams in the end!" He then remembered Screwball's technique of acting adorable to get what you want and applied by trying to give him a cute face.
"N-Nnngh!" Discord flinched a bit. "Why are you giving me a creepy look?"
"That's...supposed to be my adorable face..."
"...Oh...well...uh..." he stammered, a bit uncomfortable. "I don't feel safe dropping you off dimension to dimension. It can get pretty dangerous."
"Come on, Dad. I'm 16 and grown up enough. Just let me go on a few adventures! Please!" he begged, getting on his knees and grasping his paws together.
Discord looked down at him and put a paw to his chin. "You know what? Alright. You can go on as many adventures as you want!"
"Really? Hell yeah!"
"And you can share these experiences with your friends!"
"Yes!"
"Lessons applicable to you later in life!"
"Oh...uhh...okay!"
"Lessons about patience and humbleness and how to be a good draconequus!"
"...Or you could drop me off somewhere to fight robots or dinosaurs or–"
"And you're going to better yourself and redeem our family name! Are you with me?"
"Or...uhh...we can go on a quest to save a princess that looks like Misty...or–"
"That's the spirit! Come on! We have work to do!"
"Or you know become superheroes or–"
And with a snap of the fingers, they disappeared.
Author's Note
And the adventures will officially begin.
Sorry for the shorter chapter, I've been doing college stuff and my PC broke and I'm burned out and blargh.