SCP-PONY [and relevant documentation]

by Scriber

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random, Crossover, Human
Length: 3184

What if the SCP Foundation came across a portal to Equestria?

All personnel applying for contact with SCP-PONY are to note that the following documents are required reading, pending a full psychological review. All documents, unless otherwise noted, are open to those with a Level 2 Security Clearance.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-26 00:53:52 UTC

Special Containment Procedures/Description

Item #: SCP-PONY

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures:

Due to its known [benign] memetic effects, interaction with SCP-XXXX is to be regulated by senior facility staff. Researchers with signatures of approval from no less than three Level 4 Researchers and no less than two on-site Doctors may gain access to SCP-XXXX on a closely-monitored basis. Researchers passing appropriate psychological testing may elect to remain within SCP-XXXX’s pocket dimension for an extended period of time for research/relaxation purposes. Those applying for access to SCP-XXXX’s pocket dimension would do well to be prepared for SCP-XXXX-10’s inevitable “Welcome to █████████ Party,” which has been reported to last anywhere from eight to ███ hours.

Funding for additional equipment, supplies, etc. for site Eta-9 is to be reviewed on a consultancy basis with the Ethics Committee.

SCP-XXXX is to be contained within site Eta-9, and is to be staffed with no fewer than Thirty (30) guard staff, fifteen (15) laborers, and ten (10) research staff. Due to its noted fascination with our present reality, five guard staff should be on patrol in rotating shifts looking for appearances of SCP-XXXX-11, who should be contained immediately if discovered and promptly sent back through SCP-XXXX with a firm reprimand. See Addendum 2 for additional information.

Researchers outfitted with SCP-XXXX-1 hoof-locked equipment may elect to transfer findings back to our reality, but no harsh deadlines are to be enforced to ensure the total immersion experience inherent to SCP-XXXX.

Description:

The first instance of SCP-XXXX was documented in late 2011 in County ████, Ireland. A previously-undiscovered sub-sect of the notorious “Legions of ██████” cult claimed to have successfully performed the Ritual of the Seven █████s, thus creating a separate reality, a contained and stable [not to mention immobile] slipgate. Several undisclosed collection/containment units within the region were scrambled; successful quarantine of area was accomplished within seven hours of the preliminary reports.

SCP-XXXX appears as a semi-translucent, constantly shifting, irregular tear in the fabric of space-time. When any person crosses through the rift, they re-appear as a miniature equine in a decidedly more colourful, vibrant dimension. {Damn it all, can’t we just say it? Do we really have to be so professional about it? It turns you into a fucking pony!} - Dr. █████ {Yes, we really do have to be professional about it. You’ve seen how goddamn cute those things are.} -O5█

It has been noted that the transformation effect has only been observed in human beings; sentient or sapient life forms, humanoid and otherwise, remain unaffected.

Those who had originally created the rift were Administered Class-A amnesiacs and recruited as Class D personnel; indeed, some of these personnel were among the original tests. One such Class D - designated D-7643 - was outfitted with a wireless high-definition helmet camera with a built-in directional microphone. It was from the result of this expedition that SCP-XXXX was tentatively classified as Euclid; those with a level 2 Security Clearance or higher may consult Addendum 1a for additional documents detailing Incident 1a.

For reasons currently unknown, the pocket dimension within SCP-XXXX manifests as a nearly exact duplicate of the fictional land of “Equestria,” the setting for the cult classic children’s show “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.” Researchers had initially mistaken the pocket dimension to be some iteration of previous generations of the show, much to their collective distress. After SCP-XXXX was reduced to a Safe-Class object, further expeditions were organized, beginning in early 20██. Some staff on these later expeditions were specially recruited due to their intimate (and sometimes fanatical) familiarity with the show, despite being well outside of the show’s targeted age demographic. Team Eta-Pi provided a detailed log of their week-long expedition, which can be accessed via Addendum 3a. It was on this trek that a peaceful alliance was established with SCP-XXXX-3, as well as her supposed elders, SCP-XXXX-7 and SCP-XXXX-8. SCP-XXXX-3, 7 and 8 have been granted full access to site Eta-9 for research purposes, with tours of additional Foundation sites forthcoming.

Residents of SCP-XXXX are inherently docile in nature. They resemble equines present in our own reality, but with more curved, rounded features and bright colours not typically found on Earth. As they are social creatures, they are only prone to arguments that one might find among a closely-knit group of friends. Indeed, subsequent interviews with SCP-XXXX-3 and her compatriots reveal that friendship plays an integral role in their daily lives; it is for these very reasons that interaction with SCP-XXXX has been approved on a trial basis to treat socially reclusive individuals, to be recruited via Procedure FiM.

As previously noted, all human beings who pass through the slipgate leading to SCP-XXXX’s pocket dimension experience a complete physical transformation, though no reports have been made of the transformation being painful; one researcher described the sensation as “a sort of tingling, but not.” More often than not, those who cross through note the manifestation of a mark on either flank of their new equine forms, referred to in the local dialect as a “cutie mark.” The “cutie mark” supposedly signifies a special talent, and is essentially the moment in a pony’s life that the “coming-of-age” is realized. {Note: I’d like to formally request that Dr. ██████ wear something to cover himself, should he return to Equestria. Nobody over there should have to know what a █████ is, let alone how it can be used to ███████ a ████.} - O5█.

Interestingly, the inverse is not true for inhabitants of Equestria, who manifest as miniature equines ponies in our reality. SCP-XXXX-7 and SCP-XXXX-8 have been observed as having unique properties in their manes, as they appear to move on their own accord. When questioned about the effect, SCP-XXXX-7 stated that it was due to the “solar winds,” though the legitimacy of this claim is pending on further research.

List of Known Instances of SCP-PONY

What follows is a list of known and familiar inhabitants of SCP-PONY, to be denoted as SCP-PONY-X. This document, along with its appropriate addenda, are required reading material for anyone applying for interaction with SCP-PONY.

SCP-PONY-1: “Fluttershy.” Yellow winged pony (henceforth referred to in the local dialect as “Pegasus”). Prone to shyness, as implied in the latter half of the name; easily frightened. Exposure to certain D-Class personnel not recommended: see “The Stare,” Addendum ██b.

SCP-PONY-1a: “Angel.” Small white rabbit; fiercely protective of SCP-XXXX-1, observed to have a rather nasty attitude, but can be placated with baked goods.

SCP-PONY-2: “Applejack.” Orange earth pony. Works in local agricultural venture, dubbed “Sweet Apple Acres” in local dialect. Harvests apple trees via method known as “applebucking”: see Video Log 12-b for reference. Granddaughter of SCP-PONY-16, sister to SCP-PONY-9 and brother to SCP-PONY-4.

SCP-PONY-3: “Twilight Sparkle.” Purple unicorn, pink stripe through mane. Owner and resident of the local library; displays a large vocabulary, a genuine thirst for knowledge and a penchant for scholarly debate. Pupil of SCP-PONY-7, caretaker of SCP-PONY-3a. Has been granted special clearance to visit our reality.

SCP-PONY-3a: “Spike.” Small, bipedal purple reptilian with green spines. Subject claims to be a baby  dragon; further testing is needed to corroborate this claim. Works as the local library’s caretaker; reportedly eats gems as his primary source of nutrition. Comrade of SCP-PONY-3b, caretaker of SCP-PONY-3c.

SCP-PONY-3b: “Owloyscious.” Small, apparently sapient owl. Serves as night-time assistant at local library, assists SCP-PONY-3 with research. Is known to communicate vocally, albeit only through the typical vocal range to be expected of its species.

SCP-PONY-3c: “Peewee.” Approximately the size of a large pigeon, vibrant red and yellow plumage. Reportedly a Phoenix hatchling; when asked, SCP-PONY-3a claims to have saved SCP-PONY-3c from a “gang of surly teenage dragons.”

SCP-PONY-4: “Big Macintosh.” Red earth pony, large in stature. Works with SCP-PONY-2: a creature of few words, tends to communicate only in the affirmative or negative.

SCP-PONY-5: “Sweetie Belle.” Small white horned pony (henceforth referred to in the local dialect as “Unicorn”). Sibling of SCP-PONY-6. Known associate of the “Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

SCP-PONY-6: “Rarity.” White unicorn, markedly fabulous mane. Sole proprietor of a local tailor/dress shop, “The Carousel Boutique.” Displays a genuine friendliness and enjoys intelligent conversation over tea, which has been reported as “delicious” and “heavenly.” Please note that any additional requests to make changes to standard Foundation outfitting is to be subsequently denied, pursuant to directorial initiatives issued following Incident SCP-PONY-6b.

SCP-PONY-7: “Princess Celestia.” Physically taller and more slender than other ponies, white coat with a pastel-hued, flowing mane. Regularly wears regalia with golden horseshoes. Rules over Equestria in a dual-monarchy system with her sister, SCP-PONY-8. Claims to have lived for millennia; when asked for her exact age, subject only chuckled and replied that it was “rude to ask a lady her age.” Has demonstrated the overwhelming ability to raise the sun approximately every twenty-four (24) hours, resembling our own reality’s astronomical cycles. Has claimed to have been performing this act for “time immemorial,”: would not elaborate. Charming personality, soft-spoken, intelligent. See Addendum 6b. Has been granted special clearance to visit our reality.

SCP-PONY-8: “Princess Luna.” Slightly smaller than SCP-PONY-7, yet still taller than most ponies. Dark blue coat with black spots on either flank, flowing translucent blue mane. In duality with SCP-PONY-7, SCP-PONY-8 raises the moon every night. Has been known to speak in a dialect that closely resembles archaic forms of English, but states that she is “trying to learn to speak modern Equestrian” (the primary language of Equestria): see Addendum 6a. Has been known to perform complex mathematical equations with only the aid of a standard abacus; when given a standard scientific calculator, she scoffed and stated that “[her] methods are more efficient.” Dr. ████████ promptly disagreed: a small debate ensued, which ended in tea.

SCP-PONY-9: “Applebloom.” Small yellow earth pony. Lives on “Sweet Apple Acres” with her family. Known associate of local gang designated “Cutie Mark Crusaders”: see Addendum 4 for a log of their known exploits.

SCP-PONY-10: “Pinkie Pie.” Pink earth pony. It should be noted that any and all requests to re-classify SCP-PONY-10 as Euclid are to be promptly denied; the Foundation has the assurance of SCPs PONY-3, 7 and 8 that she is to cause no further mischief in and/or around site Eta-9 after Incident 11█. Additionally, any requests for SCP-PONY-10 to throw a “Welcome to █████████” party for SCP-682 in attempt to “cheer it up” are to be met with a harsh reprimand. This pony in particular appears to have the ability to manipulate the fabric of space-time (in not only her own reality, but our own as well), demonstrating the ability to: procure fully baked goods in a matter of seconds; the ability to disappear and re-appear in odd or seemingly impossible places, as well as the ability to grow appendages at whim in order to demonstrate a conversational point. It has been further noted that SCP-PONY-10 posesses, to a certain extent, a limited precognitive ability, demonstrating the ability to predict possibly disastrous events moments before they occur. Subject refers to this talent as her “Pinkie Sense.” Practical applications for testing in Foundation sites is pending.

SCP-PONY-11: “Lyra.” Mint green unicorn with a white mane. Subject demonstrates a near-fanatical fascination with humankind, frequently emitting loud, almost squeaking noises when in the proximity of site staff and (very vocally) expressing a desire for “hands of [her] very own.” See Addendum 2. While presently presumed harmless, Site Eta-9 is to be stocked with a full supply of NSAID pain-relievers in the likely event of an SCP-PONY-11-induced headache.

SCP-PONY-12: “Rainbow Dash.” Cyan Pegasus with unique mane, appearing to possess several different colours. Subject has demonstrated exceptional speed and airborne agility, having been clocked during a fly-by at speeds in excess of Mach ██. Subject is to be discouraged from participating in “races” with supersonic aircraft in our reality; see Addendum 5c. SCP-PONY-12 demonstrates an extreme loyalty to those she holds close. It should be noted that the subject also has an affinity for mischief: as noted in the report following Incident 11█, the subject (assisted by SCP-PONY-10 and SCP-PONY-8) managed to convince all personnel present at site Eta-9 that a “zombie invasion” was imminent. Subject was eventually reprimanded by SCP-PONY-7, who then delivered a formal apology to site staff. {Aw, come on. You guys have to admit, it was pretty funny.} - D-8322

SCP-PONY-13: “Cheerilee.” Dark pink/fuchsia earth pony, pink pane. Teacher at local elementary school, further solidifying the notion that Equestria operates in a manner similar to our own reality, albeit perhaps in a different era. Has been crucial in documenting the local exploits/property damage caused by the “Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

SCP-PONY-14: “Scootaloo.” Small orange Pegasus, purple mane. While not able to remain airborne for very long, subject has demonstrated a profound athletic ability when traveling with the aid of her scooter, which she occasionally uses to transport her two best friends, SCP-PONY-5 and SCP-PONY-9. Subject is the organizer of a fanclub dedicated to SCP-PONY-12: several researchers and approved D-Class personnel have been inducted. Is not a chicken, despite initial reports suggesting the opposite.

ALL OTHERS TBA

Addendum 6a

Interview with SCP-XXXX-8 (aka “Princess Luna”). Conducted on-site at Eta-9 on June █, 2███.

Dr. Stark: Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to sit down and chat with us, your highness.

SCP-XXXX-8: Please, it was not any trouble in the slightest.

Dr. Stark: Why don’t you start by telling me a little more about yourself, if you don’t mind?

SCP-XXXX-8: Certainly. Our - sorry, my - full title is “Princess Luna Umbranox of the Stars and Moon, Regent of the Night.” As you can certainly imagine, the title is a bit cumbersome in normal conversation; I prefer “Princess Luna,” or just “Luna” amongst my familiars.

Dr. Stark: I won’t assume familiarity with you just yet, your highness.

SCP-XXXX-8: [laughs.] Well, perhaps in time, then? I do so enjoy making new friends.

Dr. Stark: Yes, I understand that friendship plays an integral role across all of Equestria. If only it meant so much to our world.

SCP-XXXX-8: Oh? Whatever do you mean, if you do not mind my asking?

Dr. Stark: Well, our world...it’s not quite as...how shall I put it eloquently? It’s not quite as nice as Equestria. Indeed, compared to our dreary little world, some among us have even been waxing and waning - and I do hope you’ll pardon the lunar metaphor - on the notion that yours is like a utopia.

SCP-XXXX-8: Utopia? We are not familiar with the word.

Dr. Stark: Utopia...hm. Well, a utopia, in our own definition, is a world that exists free of strife, free of conflict - both internal and external - free from threat of extinction...just everything ideal, the sort of world that us dreamers had hoped for, I suppose.

SCP-XXXX-8: Do forgive me, but I fear I am not quite yet familiar with your world as of late. If it is troublesome for you to elaborate, I wouldn’t dare ask, but-

Dr. Stark: No, your highness, it’s fine. I don’t mind. You see, when I said that our world isn’t as nice as yours, I really rather meant it. I don’t mean to condemn my world outright; true, there are some aspects of our existence that are redeeming, heartwarming, even...but then again, we are bogged down by so much strife. So much suffering. Entire nations starve while the rich pretend to care at fundraisers or election banquets. The president of the United States talks harsh rhetoric on social reform, yet sleeps comfortably in a california king-sized bed not a kilometer away from some of the nation’s poorest.

SCP-XXXX-8: [softly] That sounds...

Dr. Stark: Awful, I know. But there are some of us out there who haven’t given up hope just yet. It’s almost like...your reality is kind of like a shining light, a beacon, something to strive for. I don’t quite know how to vocalize it just yet; I mean, we’ve known of the existence of alternate realities for centuries, now...but none quite like yours. It’s special.

SCP-XXXX-8: ...you do us a great honour, sir. I feel as though we have much to learn from one another.

Dr. Stark: As do I, your highness.

SCP-XXXX-8: Please, just call me Luna.

Addendum 2

Audio log from footage recorded by Site Security cameras 22a-c, 23b-d, 24 and 26a, March █, 201█.

SCP-XXXX-11: Oh-ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! You ARE real! [subject emits a loud squeaking noise.] I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!

Agent ████: Uh, patrol, come in? I’m in the south wing, and it looks like one of ‘em got out. Please advise, over?

SCP-XXXX-11: Oh my gosh, what’s that? What’s that little black box you’re talking to? Oh-OH MY GOSH! YOU HAVE HANDS! CAN I TOUCH THEM? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE LET ME TOUCH THEM-

Agent ████: Um, gonna need backup right about fucking now, over!-

Addendum 5c

Recovered from MoD archives. All government staff exposed to the attached document were administered Class B amensiacs, and the data was expunged from their databases.

On 16 March, 2012, Radar from an HMS vessel off of the coast of Calais clocked an object traveling in excess of Mach 5. Initially thought to be an equipment error, visual confirmation came in approximately fifteen minutes later from Fort ███████ in █████ county. Object was reported to be bluish in colour, with a rainbow-hued contrail. Defence forces were scrambled in an attempt to intercept the object. Attached is a transcript of MoD Airmen ████  █████, Mark █████ and ██ Roger ████ en route to intercept.

MoDI: Squad leader, I have a visual on the object, confirm.

MoDII: Copy that, MoDI. Can you get a clear shot?

MoDI: Negative, Leader. Object appears...heh.

MoDIII: Say again, MoDI?

MoDI: MoDII, MoDIII, do you see this? Is it...is it blowing a bloody raspberry at us?!

ModII: ...uh, confirmed. Over.

Addendum 1a

Transcript of Incident 2b.

Dr. Zhivago: All right, D-7643. Please step through the rift.

D-7643: [muttering] This is fucking crazy...

Dr. Zhivago: What was that? Couldn’t quite catch that.

D-7643: ‘t’weren’t nothin, ye daft Yankee cunt. I’m goin’, already.

Dr. Zhivago: Noted. 17:42, subject approaches SCP-XXXX. Video feed clear, audio feed clear.

D-7643: Hey, tha’- that tickles! [subject laughs in a high-pitched voice for approximately fifteen (15) seconds.] Ehehehe...tha’...wait a tic, am I-...

Dr. Zhivago: How are you feeling, D-7643? What can you tell me about your environment?

D-7643: Uh, doc? Methinks I’ve a few bigger problems n’all of that.

Dr. Zhivago: Can you elaborate?

D-7643: Elab-elaborate?! He wants me to bloody well elaborate! Doc, I’m a feckin’ horse! Are you seeing this shit?! [subject tilts camera downward, revealing two light-brown equine forelegs ending in white hooves.]

Dr. Zhivago: My, that’s...you’re a...ahem! Uh, could you just give me one moment, D-7643? I need to check the equipment. [Dr. Zhivago hits a switch on the control panel.] █████, you’re gonna want to get down here. Bring Agent ███████ with you.

D-7643: The-the feck is’at?! Doc, are ye seein’ this? It’s like...it’s like a lion-thing, but the bugger’s got bloody bat wings, an’-....wait a tic, is that a bloody stinger?! Oh, shit! Oh-

[DATA EXPUNGED]