All Hail the Muffin Princess!
A muffin isn't just a muffin
Princess Twilight Sparkle burst into the throne hall of Celestia and Luna, who were deep in conversation while playing gin rummy as guards stood idly by, ever watchful for any threat that could befall the most powerful ponies in all of Equestria. That is to say, they were watching the game more than the door, and so jumped when the heavy wood on hinges slammed against the gilded wall of the throne room.
“Princess Celestia! Princess Luna!” Twilight cried out, galloping. “Did you hear?”
Celestia, not looking away from her cards, shook her head. “No, that move won't work.” She muttered to herself. Her sister had won the last four games in a row. By her own mane, she would not make it five!
Twilight, however would not be ignored. In a purple flash, she was looking over Celestia's shoulder, pulling a few cards out of her hoof and throwing them down, proclaiming the round with “Gin”
“Gaahhh!” Celestia put a hoof to her chest. “Would you stop teleporting behind me like that? You about gave me a heart attack!”
Luna would have snickered, but she was still staring at the winning cards, and the pieces of paper indicating that she just forfeited fortythree black forest cakes, twelve barrels of her finest wine she'd just received from Barry Punch, and a law that would encourage foals that bed time was in fact ten, not eight. Maybe Celestia wouldn't notice-
“How was the moon, Luna?” Celestia asked archly. “Wanna visit again?”
Luna sunk back into her seat, looking very disgruntled. Near by, two guards exchanged bits.
“So, what, dear sister, is the matter?” Luna asked with a sigh. “And I demand a rematch. Sister Twilight interrupted, so her actions made the winnings void.”
“Certainly not!” Celestia slide the slips of paper to her side of the little table between the thrones. “National bed time for foals will stay eight 'o' clock.”
“But, what about my nights?” Luna demanded. “I work harder than you with your sun. I have to worry about stars, changing phases of the moon, meteor showers, and the occasional falling star. That's a lot of hard work.”
Celestia wasn't convinced. “And what, pray tell, happened when you let a certain DJ play a night rave in the sky for one night?”
Luna blushed with embarrassment, suddenly developing X-ray vision and started studying the non visible clouds in the sky. “One of my best ideas yet.” She breathed, a smile on her muzzle.
“Do you how many complaint letters I got that night?!” Celestia exclaimed. “How many-”
“There's a new princess!” Twilight interrupted. Both arguing deities paused and looked over to the their newest sibling, curious. Twilight gave a nervous smile, ears folding back. “So, you're not concerned?”
“Why?” Luna asked.
“Makes less work for us.” Princess Celestia added, snuggling into her cushy throne a little. “Maybe we should have a few more, and have them run the kingdom while we just worry about raising the sun and moon, eh, Luna?”
“Pass.” Luna replied, shuffling the deck of cards. “I'd go stir crazy.”
“Aren't you the least bit concerned?” Twilight demanded frustrated. “We've got a new princess, and don't know who it is!”
Celestia looked at her star pupil with a mild expression. “Didn't stop ninety percent of Equestria from accepting you right away and loving you.”
“I know, bu- Ninety? Wow. What about the last ten percent?”
“Eh, they're naturalists. Still think the Sun and Moon raise themselves. Bunch of loons.” Luna answered. “In this round Twilight? The stakes are high! Four barrels of Sweet Apple Acre's Cider!”
“No thanks.” Twilight declined, still distraught.
Celestia sighed, setting down her cards, turning to Twilight, who was now over the other shoulder. “Would you stop that! Now, what seems to be the real problem Twilight? Unexpected things come up every day, and quite a few of them more strange than just a new princess.”
Twilight shifted uncomfortably. “Well...I've only been a princess for a year now. I'm still new at this, and already we're getting another one? What if she's my replacement? Did I do a terrible job? Did the ten percent vote to have me impeached, creating a new princess?”
Luna sighed. Clearly the game was going to have to wait. “To answer your questions, no, whom ever this new princess is, she's not to replace you. You are doing a great job as a princess, and while you're new, mistakes are to be expected.”
“Like a certain night rave?” Celestia slipped in.
“That was epic of such proportions that it proclaimed to all what epicness truly means!” The night princess coughed, recomposing herself before continuing. “But a new princess just means Equestria needs another protector.”
“But what about the Elements of Harmony?” Twilight asked, chewing a lip. “I mean, that's what they're there for, right?”
“True.” Celestia nodded. “But the thing about the Elements of Harmony, is before your friends took them up, they were wielded by two. Myself and Luna.”
“I still have to get you back for using them against me, Celi.” Luna grumbled, leaning back in her throne cushions more.
“Point is,” Celestia continued, ignoring Luna's pouting. “You have nothing to worry about. And what's the worst that could happen? Us princesses stick together.”
It was at that precise time, trumpets blared down the hallway, followed by cheers and screams of adoration and praise. The royal herald stepped forward from the hidden place where his father stood when he was a herald. And his father's father. And his father's father's father.
“Now presenting, for the first time!” He bellowed at the top of his lungs. “Princess Derpy Hooves, my the Creator's smile shine upon her long, glorious and prosperous rule!”
“Princess Derpy?!” Both Twilight and Luna exclaimed.
“Glorious?!” Celestia demanded.
Derpy hooves, a once, slightly pudgy pegasus, stepped through the throne doors, a tall, slender alicorn, eyes skewed and a crown of muffins on her head.
“Greetings, my sisters.” She smiled, her voice that of the ever beloved Derpy.
Somewhere across Equestria, Discord grabbed his chest. “The balance of cuteness has been over turned!”
“I don't get it.” Twilight gawked openly, completely forgetting ever rule from 'socially acceptable public behaviors for dummies'. “How? And what are you the princess of?!”
“Muffins!” Derpy smiled.
Silence.
“Muffins.” Celestia repeated nonplussed.
“That's it.” Luna stood up, throwing her cards on the table. “I quit, and it'd passed my bed time.”
“No, no, no.” Celestia put a hoof to the bridge of her nose. “Let me get this straight. We have Me and Luna, Princess of the Sun and Moon. Two celestial bodies that the world can't live without out. Next we have Princess Cadence and Twilight, Princesses of Love and Friendship, two abstract ideas that all ponies need. Now, a Princess of...Muffins?”
“Oh, sweet sister, don't you see?” Derpy smiled. “A muffin isn't just a muffin. For a muffin is a collision of many ingredients. Butter, eggs, salt, flower, sugar, milk, they all have their own parts. Alone, they would all be something separate, and always remain separate and never united with the others. It is by the single goal of muffinhood that they do unite, putting differences of flavor and texture aside to mix and form the perfection of bakery goods. This is not unlike Equestria. We all are different, and have our own gifts to give. Some ponies, are sweet and buttery, while others are dry like flower. You have those who raise their friends like yeast or those who give love when it's needed the most, like milk. We all are nothing more than simple ingredients in this wonderful world, and thus, together we make Equestria.”
Princesses Celestia, Luna and Twilight stared slack jawed at the gray alicorn who just spoke wisdom and truths in such a simple way that the youngest foal could understand them. It was then, that they found at their hooves, the most scrumptious muffins any other them had ever smelled.
“Well,” Luna picked hers up, taking a cautious bite. The flavor of divinity incarnate exploded upon her tongue. “All hail the Muffin Princess!”
Celestia and Twilight, who had also tried their respective muffins as well, raised theirs in unison.
“HAIL!”
