Rainbro Dash
Part 1
Rainbow Dash wheeled in the sky, stretching his wings and testing the limits of his body. He did some experimental dives, pulling up well before he neared the ground. A week ago, he would have held his dive to the last possible second, pulling up only just in time to tickle the grass with his hooves, but an upsetting and unfamiliar caution had settled over him lately. Ever since Twilight’s rogue spell transformed him into a stallion, his own body was strange to him. Strange and frightening. He did another turn in the air; catching an updraft and circling slowly back up into the clouds to start his dive again.
His new body wasn’t all bad. His wings were longer, broader, stronger, but his body was heavier, too. His muscles seemed stiff and bulky. His finely tuned sense of coordination was now jarringly absent. He could fly hard, it was true, but where to stop, where to turn, how to pivot and the exact right second to apply a hairsbreadth of force were suddenly mysteries to him. He didn’t know where to start re-learning because he’d never “learned” in the first place. Decades of muscle memory that once made him the best stunt-flyer in Equestria were now working against him. Flying as if he were the mare he once was could get him killed.
Rainbow Dash dove again. The ground rushed up to meet him and he experienced a moment of panic, pulling up even sooner than he had before.
“Come on Rainbow, get it together,” he chided himself, rising again. If he could just get the feel of this move…
Fluttershy and Rarity rested on a picnic blanket in the field below, a tiny square of red and white checks in a sea of green. Rainbow could pick out Rarity as a white speck resting next to Fluttershy’s buttercream and pink. At least his vision was as sharp as ever.
“Oh, I do hope she finishes her exercises soon,” Rarity luxuriated on her belly, stretching her long limbs until her back gave a satisfying pop.
“Don’t you mean, ‘he?’” asked Fluttershy, making nervous circles on the blanket with her hoof.
“Oh, who knows anymore,” Rarity waved her hoof and rolled her eyes “I just hope Twilight gets this whole mess sorted out sooner, rather than later. I thought having a male friend that enjoyed shopping and makeovers would be fun... I guess it took Rainbow Dash turning into a colt for me to notice that she was more or less a colt all along. Ironic, considering she’s more moody now than she ever was.”
“Shopping and makeovers never were Rainbow Dash’s thing…”
“Yes, well, too bad his thing isn’t a bit-”
“Will you guys knock off talking about my thing already?” Rainbow dropped out of the sky and flutter-trotted the last few feet over to the picnic blanket where Rarity and Fluttershy lounged.
“I’m sorry,” murmured Fluttershy.
“Don’t be, dear. That’s just Rainbow Dash being moody again,” Rarity rolled onto her back, exposing her milky white belly to the sun.
“You’d be moody too if your hormones just did a one-eighty on you!” Rainbow scowled “I’m so full of testosterone, I dunno what’s what!”
“Speaking of hormones…” Rarity jerked her head in the direction of the library.
Twilight Sparkle was making her way across the park in their direction with Big Macintosh close in tow. Rainbow and the others steeled themselves for another afternoon of shameless public affection.
Big Macintosh and Twilight’s romance was still in its vigorous, clingy youth. Still drunk on puppy-love and thinly veiled lust, the pair spent their every waking hour smooching, cuddling or canoodling. Their friends just thanked their lucky stars that Big Macintosh was too frugal with his vocabulary to waste any on baby talk, sparing at least their ears from the otherwise Full-Immersion Twilight/Big Mac Love Experience™.
“Good morning, everypony!” Twilight greeted. Big Mac nodded his hello and joined the circle, draping himself over Twilight like an overcoat. Twilight popped him a quick kiss and turned back to the group, which quickly blanked their expressions to hide their exasperation.
“Getting an early start on training, Rainbow?” asked Twilight.
“Morning, Twi,” said Rainbow “Getting an early start on figuring out how to change me back?”
Twilight looked a little sheepish.
At the climax of their most recent adventure, Twilight had ended up losing control of her phenomenal cosmic powers, destroying her lab and transforming Rainbow Dash into a colt. Everypony thought it very funny at the time…
***
The dust settled over the chaos and destruction that was formerly Twilight’s basement lab. Everypony’s ears still rang with the sound and fury of Twilight’s tantrum, only recently and startlingly lapsed into eerie silence.
Rainbow’s last memory before waking up in a heap of twisted metal and trash was Applejack’s trembling, tender embrace as they kissed for what seemed like would be the last time, their new love cut tragically short after less than a day. A bolt of heat and pain caught her in the gut and slammed her into oblivion. When he awoke, everypony was alive and whole, strewn about the room with the unconscious Twilight at the center of the circle of debris. Rainbow Dash blinked, regaining consciousness in fits and starts. Painful pinpricks wracked his body as the dim and distant outposts of his limbs reestablished contact with his brain.
“Ouch,” he groaned. Rainbow jerked, startled by the sound of his own voice. He grunted. A deep, throaty sound. Could he have a cold? Did something happen to his throat? He crossed his legs beneath him to stand up and felt an immediate, crippling pain between his legs. He looked back and saw something was stuck to his underside. Some piece of shrapnel, perhaps? Was that what had caught him earlier? At least there was no blood… Maybe it was just…
Maybe it was just…
Something really familiar about that shade of blue.
He shifted his weight, parting his legs to get a better look. The pain subsided immediately and something flopped free.
Impossible! That’s…
Panic gripped Rainbow’s muscular, masculine throat. He couldn’t talk. He tried to squeak out words, to call for help, but his voice was gone completely. He prodded at the new, unfamiliar addition to his anatomy. A jolt of pain penalized his curiosity.
Back over at the center of the room, Princess Celestia gathered everypony around. Princess Luna, Cadence, Shining Armor, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Prince Blueblood and his valet, Tombs, all seemed fine, if a bit shaken up. Big Macintosh sat in the center of the room, cradling the exhausted Twilight like a foal.
“Well, it looks like everything’s back to normal!” Celestia declared, a little shifty-eyed.
Normal? No! Wait!
“Normal?” Rainbow found his voice again. He leaped to his feet.
“You call this normal? I’m a colt!”
And they all laughed at him!
Once they’d gotten upstairs, leaving Big Mac and Twilight to their privacy, the laughter had subsided somewhat, although Pinkie Pie was still suffering a severe attack of the giggles.
“Why is everypony laughing?” Rainbow pleaded “I’m a… I have a…”
Rarity took a deep breath.
“Oh, do forgive us, darling, but you do look ridiculous. Not to worry, though, I’m sure Princess Celestia will have you right as rain before you can say ‘Orlando.’”
Rainbow cast a desperate look up at the Princess.
Celestia smiled serenely and nodded.
“Not to worry, my little pony. You’ve obviously absorbed some residual magic from Twilight’s transformation. It seems frightening, but things like this aren’t that uncommon when you’re working with very powerful magic. The effects are very temporary, I assure you,” explained Celestia.
“Any way you could help them to be… you know, more temporary?” griped Rainbow, fidgeting uncomfortably with his back legs.
“Of course,” Celestia smiled.
The angelic princess spread her wings and closed her eyes. She towered over everypony, her varicolored mane flowing back as if caught in an eternal breeze, sparkling with strange and soothing light. She approached Rainbow Dash and lowered her horn to his forehead. Even as a stallion, Rainbow barely came up to her neck.
“This may sting a bit…” Celestia’s horn pulsed like a camera flashbulb, flooding the room with the scent of ozone and setting everypony’s ears ringing again.
Rainbow ungritted his teeth.
“Heh, that didn’t hurt at all…” he said.
Everypony stared at him. Celestia smiled, but her eyes betrayed her embarrassment.
Rainbow realized he was still speaking with a man’s voice.
“Oh no!”
“Don’t panic!” urged Celestia “We’ve all been through a very unsettling ordeal. Even my magic is a little off, if you can believe it…”
“I can believe it…” muttered Luna under her breath. Celestia pretended not to hear.
Celestia touched her horn to Rainbow’s forehead again, this time broadening her stance a bit and loosening the tension in her shoulders. Her horn flared and again there was a “Crack!” and a whiff of ozone.
Everypony cocked their heads to see if Rainbow had changed back yet.
Nope.
Celestia stood up straight.
“Well, obviously this spell is just a little more stubborn than usual… It just needs a little more vigor,” Celestia did a quick trot in place and really braced herself. Everypony took a few cautious steps back.
“Uhh…” Rainbow winced.
“Just relax, dear,” said Celestia, lowering her horn again, the tip already glowing bright gold.
CRACK!
The flash of light dazzled everypony’s eyes and frizzed up Rarity’s mane.
“Aah! The cure is worse than the disease!” she cried, poking her disfigured mane with a tender hoof. Prince Blueblood thought the scene very funny, until Tombs cleared his throat and offered the prince his compact mirror. Blueblood’s chuckles dissolved into sobs. Blueblood and Rarity hugged and cried into each other’s necks, mourning the loss of their glorious manestyles.
Meanwhile, Rainbow Dash stayed stubbornly male.
Celestia frowned.
“Maybe we should try something else…” Rainbow started to back away. Celestia didn’t seem to hear.
CRACK!
Nope.
CRACK!
Nope.
CRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACKCRACK!
Blue arcs of St. Elmo’s fire danced wildly over every surface and everypony’s manes were now distinctly frizzy. Pinkie Pie’s face was practically lost beneath the dome of a giant afro while a poofy sphere about three-feet across jutted from her flank.
Rainbow Dash was still a colt, though now a distinctly clownish-looking one.
Celestia tried to choke back her surprise.
“Well, obviously it’s… Luna, would you care to field this one?” Celestia stepped aside, gesturing to her sister to take over. Rarity watched with unfathomable envy as the frizzes in the Princess’ hair corrected themselves, easing back into a tranquil flow.
Luna smirked and stepped up, taking a deep breath.
“Fret not, Rainbow Dash. I’ll remind my sister how we used to do it old school,” Luna cantered across the room to Rainbow Dash.
Though not quite so physically intimidating as her older sister, Luna was still visually impressive. Her coat was a silky, inky blue that glinted with silver moonlight, even indoors or during the day. Her long, eternally shifting mane was a vertiginous window into the night sky, each crystalline hair refracting the light from alien constellations never seen over Equestria. Untold power surged within her like a frothing geyser.
She popped her neck and swept her forehoof in a wide arc, indicating everypony should stand back. Rarity took cover behind a nearby bust of Artistrottle. Blueblood ducked behind Tombs.
Rainbow Dash took some deep breaths and nodded his readiness.
Luna closed her eyes.
Darkness exploded from her horn and flooded the room, sucking the heat from everypony’s bodies and chilling their bones. It filled their ears and their noses like ice water. Somepony screamed and there was a rapid, panicked ruckus as ponies toppled over one another in the pitch-blackness. Strange angles danced in the air as alien geometries took shape around Rainbow Dash, enveloping him in a cloud of planes and line segments. He felt his body go all backwards and forwards again before the darkness rushed over his body and back into Luna’s horn.
Luna opened her eyes.
Rainbow was, if anything, more male than ever. Disappointed groans from everypony.
“I’m stumped, sister,” said Luna “That was a universal spellbreaker. Any enchantment within a hundred yards should have dissolved into nothingness.”
“Clearly, whatever enchantment Twilight has cast, it is much more than a simple transformation spell,” observed Celestia “Thoughts, Cadence?”
Cadence shook her head.
“I’d like to get her into the Royal Laboratory at Canterlot University. Maybe the Tunneling Electron Thaumascope can reveal something we’ve missed,” she said.
“Perhaps,” nodded Celestia.
Shining Armor couldn’t help but feel a bit of brotherly pride. His baby sister’s spell even had the Princesses flummoxed.
“What are you smiling about?” Rainbow grumbled at him. Shining Armor quickly wiped the smug look off his face.
“Cheer up,” said Blueblood, running a comb through his mane “It won’t be so bad to be a stallion for a little while. If you’re going to be visiting Canterlot, I can show you a few of my favorite uh… gentlecolts’ clubs.”
Blueblood grinned nervously as he felt the irate glares from the rest of the room.
“Thanks, but I think I’d prefer to stay here,” said Rainbow, stepping back from the prince.
“Rainbow, we need to understand what’s happened to you, obviously this is no ordinary spell,” said Cadence.
“I don’t want to be anypony’s lab experiment, okay!” Rainbow barked. Cadence jerked back. He immediately realized his anger and took some calming breaths.
“Sorry, your majesty. I know you want to help, but I don’t think I can take a roomful of strangers zapping me with spells. Having Celestia do it in front of all my friends is bad enough…” he said.
“Rainbow Dash, I’m sure the court sorcerers will be able to solve this dilemma,” said Celestia.
“You said this was temporary, can’t I just wait it out?” pleaded Rainbow.
“Of course, it’s your choice,” nodded Celestia.
“Thanks, Princess.”
***
A week later and he was still waiting it out.
“Well, you shouldn’t have to wait much longer,” smiled Twilight.
“You figured out how to break the spell?” Rainbow bounced on excited tippie-hooves.
“Well, no,” Twilight coughed “But I think I’ve figured out how to figure out how to break the spell.”
“Huh?” Rainbow cocked her head.
“All my lab equipment was smashed during our little escapade last week, so I haven’t really been able to do any real research into the spell I cast in my transcendental state,” Twilight explained “but my request to Canterlot U. for some substitute research equipment was approved and it’s supposed to be delivered today!”
Rainbow Dash did not match Twilight’s starry-eyed enthusiasm..
“Oh, is that all?” his wings and ears sagged with disappointment. Obviously, concern for her friend’s discomfort was taking a backseat to Twilight’s excitement at the prospect of solving a scientific dilemma
“Well, it’s not as impressive as the equipment they have at Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns,” Twilight paused and polished her hoof on her chest, smirking pridefully “but it should be more than enough for us to solve this mystery.”
“I sure hope so, Twi. I’m not really digging the whole colt scene. I dunno if you’ve noticed, but they’ve got a lot of weird stuff going on.”
Twilight blushed.
“Oh, I dunno, some of that stuff’s kind of fun once you get used to it,” she gave Big Mac another peck on his chin. Everypony gagged a little in their mouths.
“Yeah, well, be that as it may, it’s really cramping my style,” sighed Rainbow.
Twilight nodded.
“I understand, it must be weird flying around in that body, huh?”
“Yeah,” Rainbow sighed again.
She hadn’t only been talking about her stunt flying. Her relationship with Applejack had suffered as well. She’d only just discovered her true feelings for her longtime best friend, got to share a few magical kisses and then suddenly… this came between them. Applejack tried to get past it, and they were still dating… sort of… technically, but really things were on hold until Rainbow could get changed back into her normal, female self. Applejack loved Rainbow’s tomboy attitude and un-feminine behavior, but drew the line at genuine masculinity. If they weren’t lifelong friends, they could use the time to get to know each other and bond in a platonic way, but they’d already had that relationship for nearly a decade. Their “dates” were more or less them hanging out like they did before they were dating, only more awkward.
The one time they’d attempted to get physical ended up weirding them both out so much that they hadn’t been able to make any moves toward each other beyond kissing.
“Ah’m sorry, Rainbow. We just need t’ take it a little slow,” Applejack had explained.
Rainbow understood. He would have felt the same way.
“Aw, now cheer up Rainbow Dash,” smiled Rarity, sympathizing with her friend’s distant moping “If Twilight says she’s going to get you sorted out then I for one have full confidence in her.”
“Yes, Twilight will straighten everything out,” agreed Fluttershy.
“I sure hope so, considering it’s her fault I’m like this,” grumbled Rainbow Dash.
Twilight looked abashed.
“Sorry,” said Rainbow “I’m still getting used to this whole ‘being a dude’ thing. I guess being insensitive is one of those things I’m going to have to deal with.”
Nopony mentioned that they hadn’t noticed any particular increase in Rainbow Dash’s insensitivity.
Rarity got up from her spot on the blanket and gathered up her belongings.
“Well, it’s a lovely day but I can’t spend too much time out here in the sun. Wrinkles, you know,” she flipped her mane and did a little turn “Rainbow, Darling, you’re still meeting me later at the café, aren’t you?”
“Uh, yeah, I guess,” said Rainbow.
Not sure what that’s about, but okay…
“Oh, but Rainbow, don’t forget you were going to come over and help me feed the animals later,” Fluttershy piped up, suddenly.
“I think I can make it, sure.”
“Wuhnderful! So everypony is happy, then!” declared Rarity, the briefest shadow crossing her face as she looked up at Fluttershy.
“Tchus, darlings!” she blew them all a farewell kiss and trotted off, cutting through the park and back towards the Carousel Boutique.
Rainbow’s tummy growled. In all the discussion, he hadn’t noticed how hungry he’d become.
“What’s for brunch?” he asked, licking his chops at the sight of the fat picnic basket at Fluttershy’s side.
Fluttershy smiled proudly.
“Oh, you’ll love it! I prepared it specially for you, there’s deviled eggs with green beans, boiled artichoke, some nice spinach in butter, and Angel even made some gourmet fruit salad with crème freche!”
Rainbow Dash already had his muzzle buried in the basket and was smacking noisily at the food inside, scarfing it down without a second thought. Fluttershy, Twilight and Big Mac all stared at him in disbelief.
Rainbow lifted his face from the basket. A wad of spinach dangled from his nose.
“What? Aren’t you guys going to dig in?” he asked.The end of part 1
To be continued…
Rainbro Dash
Part 2
Rainbow Dash had a good time with his friends, but left the picnic feeling lonely and despondent. He drifted listlessly through the air in the general direction of his appointment with Rarity. He knew Twilight and the others were doing their best to be there for him, but how could they possibly comprehend what he was going through? He needed empathy, not pity. He was so lost in his own moping that he didn’t even notice somepony below was calling his name.
“Rainbow Dash!”
“Huh?” Rainbow looked down. Big Macintosh had excused himself from the picnic and was trotting along beneath him. Rainbow let himself glide down until he was just a few feet off the ground.
“What’s up, Big Mac?” he asked.
Big Macintosh stood and gathered himself for a moment, considering everything he was going to say very carefully. He was thrifty with conversation, as if every word cost money to speak. Few ponies had ever heard Big Mac string more than two words along at a stretch.
“Ah know what yer goin’ through,” he said after a brief silence.
“How could you?” Rainbow frowned.
“Well, Ah hain’t never been turned into a mare, but Ah do know what it’s like to be in a body that’s not mah own.”
Rainbow considered this.
“I suppose that’s true,” he said.
“Ah don’t know everything yer goin’ through, but I have a better idea than most. If you ever need somepony to talk to, Ah’ll listen.”
Rainbow Dash had been so wrapped around his own misery, he’d almost completely forgotten the month and a half Big Macintosh and Prince Blueblood spent in each other’s bodies. Big Mac even ended up with some unfamiliar equipment. So maybe it was a unicorn horn instead of… you know, but that was something. Rainbow rubbed his forehead unconsciously and counted his lucky stars that at least nothing had appeared there. He found himself smiling in spite of himself.
“Will do. Thanks, Big Mac,” he said.
Big Mac nodded and turned back to the picnic. Twilight was no doubt starting to get anxious and fidgety. He’d have to wean her out of her clingy phase soon if he ever wanted to get any real work done on the farm again. Rainbow watched him until he was out of sight.
***
“Sooo good of you to join me, darling,” smiled Rarity, taking a deep breath to savor the fresh air of the sidewalk café. She and Rainbow Dash enjoyed coffee in small cups with a side of biscotti. At least, Rainbow Dash tried to enjoy his coffee. Café D’Licorne catered to a predominantly unicorn customer base, which meant that the food came with utensils and the drinks in cups designed to be manipulated with magic, rather than hooves. The long and short of it was that Rainbow Dash felt very conspicuous lapping at his coffee while everypony else sipped delicately from tiny porcelain demitasses and pretended to pretend not to stare.
“Uh, no problem, Rarity,” said Rainbow, wiping the last drips of espresso from his chin.
Rarity opened her mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a din on the street. A small knot of ponies draped in long red robes with gold trim danced up the thoroughfare, banging tambourines and clapping wooden clappers. They rang bells and sang as a pair of red-draped unicorns raised aloft a pair of crimson banners emblazoned with a golden sun-disk, the personal standard of Princess Celestia.
“Ugh, is it really time for another one of their little get-togethers already? Didn’t they just have a feast day a few months ago celebrating something or other?” Rarity groaned, turning up her nose at the gaudy procession.
With the Springtime Frolic over and done, and all the decorations taken down and put away, most ponies were all partied out. They wouldn’t celebrate another national holiday until the Summer Sun Celebration in June. However, the Cult of Celestia (or Celestians, as they were known to themselves) was already gearing up to celebrate Ascension Day, which was a fairly big to do in cultish circles. It wasn’t nearly as big as the Summer Sun Celebration, but it did merit some demonstration of faith, and even ponies only peripherally devout would take some time to remember the day Princess Celestia –and to a lesser extent, Princess Luna- became alicorns and drove Discord from the land.
“Wow, I never realized how annoying that was,” remarked Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, I know, dear. No sense of decorum whatsoever. Hopping about like grasshoppers and banging on tambourines like gypsies. They should try and behave with a little more class,” Rarity huffed.
Rainbow looked out at the street, noticing the leaping ponies for the first time.
“Oh,” he said “Not them, I mean that colt over there is wearing socks with sandals.”
Rainbow pointed his hoof over at the next table. Rarity turned to look. It was worse than she’d imagined: they were argyle socks!
“Ugh, how horrid!” she squeaked. She did her best not to look, but now that Rainbow Dash had pointed it out, it was eating her up inside. After a few seconds she couldn’t take it anymore and signaled to the waiter as he was passing by.
“Oh, garçon! Would you please move us to another table? This one is unsuitable,” Rarity gestured to the offending pony and raised her eyebrows in a see what I mean? expression. The waiter followed her gaze and pretended to see whatever it was she saw.
“Oh, of course, madame,” he answered, pantomiming disgust. Catering to fussy customers was second nature to the effete waiter, and at this point he didn’t even bother to question or investigate their complaints. It was much easier to give them what they wanted and sympathize with their distress. Nopony could be more obnoxious or petty than an incensed sophisticate.
The waiter gathered up their things and relocated them to a table closer to the curb. Rarity deemed it a safe distance from the walking fashion disaster and they resumed their meal, bolstered by some complementary espressos on behalf of the manager.
Café D’Licorne was the most urbane café in Ponyville, done up in the style of its sister café on the high streets of Canterlot. It was the hottest spot in town for intelligencia, glitterati and any other pony that wished to put on big-city airs. Rarity was their most solid customer and enjoyed stammtisch status there whenever she wished to drop by. Since making her big splash in Canterlot high society and breaking out from among the demimondes and social scrabblers that made up D’Licorne’s typical clientele, she got even better treatment than most.
“I must say, Rainbow Dash, your taste is much more discerning than I give you credit,” said Rarity, leaning in and examining him more closely.
“If you say so,” said Rainbow.
“I really mean it. You know, being a colt is quite becoming for you. You look very sporty, not at all like the gruff tomboy you were as a mare.”
“Thanks… I think,” Rainbow frowned a little.
“Oh, and that mane! Most stallions would kill for a mane like yours! I know I would,” she stroked wistfully at her own delicate coiffure.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” snarked Rainbow.
“Oh, not at all! It’s so rich and full! Granted, it looks a little unruly now, but the things I could do to it! Oh! You have to let me get you in a chair,” she reached across the table, placing her hooves atop his and giving him her best puppy-dog grin.
Rainbow edged back a bit.
“I dunno…”
“Pleaaaase?” she fluttered her eyelashes at him.
Rainbow Dash felt a twinge somewhere deep in the part of a stallion’s brain that can’t refuse a pretty girl any favor. He fought it, but other parts of him started chiming in their two cents and he acquiesced to the majority. He thought living with a mare’s hormones were bad, he never realized how bossy a stallion’s could be. No wonder they always acted like idiots.
“Okay… fine… but no fru fru stuff,” he admonished.
“On my honor,” Rarity raised her hoof.
“Pinkie Pie Swear?” asked Pinkie Pie.
Rarity and Rainbow both jumped a foot out of their seats. Pinkie Pie leaned over the wrought-iron fence that separated the café patio from the sidewalk, stretching her neck as far as it would go until it was practically resting on their table. Her hind legs waggled in midair, keeping her balance.
“Hi Pinkie Pie,” said Rainbow.
“Hey Rainbow, hey Rarity!” she grinned stupidly at both of them.
They stared back, watching her face bob up and down above their biscotti. She balanced like a teeter-totter on the fence for several more seconds before pitching forward and landing on her face beneath the table. The crash caused a stir among the other restaurant patrons and the garçon fired a dirty look in her direction as he scurried to calm everypony down. Pinkie Pie sprung up and dusted herself off, none the worse for her fall.
“You okay?” asked Rainbow.
“Never better,” Pinkie smiled “I’m more curious about how you’re doing. Has Twilight figured out a way to solve your little problem yet?”
“It’s not little,” huffed Rainbow.
“Really? Maybe it’s the cold air-”
“She means the problem isn’t little, Pinkie!” Rarity interrupted “Honestly.”
“Oh…”
“Twilight’s working on it,” Rainbow sighed.
“Well that’s good. Hopefully you don’t get changed back too soon,” said Pinkie.
“What!?”
“Pinkie, how could you say that?” Rarity gasped.
“All I mean is hopefully you don’t get turned back before you get to have any fun. As you’re stuck like this, you should make the most of it. You can’t make Twilight go any faster, there’s no point in being miserable the whole time,” Pinkie explained.
“What can a colt do for fun that a mare can’t?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Well…” Pinkie thought hard before bursting out with “Have you tried to pee standing up yet?”
“Really!” Rarity gasped.
“Pinkie, I could already pee standing up!”
“Well, yeah, but we always have to spread our legs way apart and squat,” Pinkie demonstrated.
“Pinkie! Stop that! This is a public restaurant!” Rarity glanced around, mortified. The other patrons were looking noticeably ruffled.
“Anyway, there’s tons of other fun stuff besides that, I’m sure. Just use your imagination!”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash gave her bemused looks. Pinkie sniffed curiously at Rainbow’s espresso.
“I must say Pinkie, I’m surprised to see you here,” said Rarity, trying to change the subject.
“Really? I wasn’t even trying to surprise you that time! I’m better at it than I thought!” she grinned.
“Ahem. What I mean is, I’m surprised to see you here instead of over there,” Rarity gestured to the celebratory Celestians across the street. One of them had gotten up on top of a produce crate and was quoting passages from the Biography of the Royal Sisters (Equestrian Standard Version) at passers-by.
“Yeah, I would have thought you’d be singing and dancing right there with ‘em,” added Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie Pie kept smiling, but the humor had gone out of her eyes.
“Oh, you guys, I don’t have to join in every time I see a party,” she laughed nervously.
“Yeah but, you’re such a party pony, something like that is-”
“I don’t feel like it,” Pinkie interrupted, getting flustered.
“Really, because-”
“Idon’thavetopartyifIdon’twantto!” Pinkie barked. She was breathing heavily now.
“Okay, okay, calm down!” said Rainbow “Have a cookie, geez.”
Rainbow pushed his biscotti across the table to Pinkie.
“It’s. Called. A. Biscotti!” Pinkie exclaimed, flipping the dish and the biscotti up off the table and into the street where they landed with a clatter and tinkle of broken porcelain.
Rainbow Dash and Rarity could only stare in silence as Pinkie Pie stewed, flaring her nostrils and drawing deep, flustered breaths.
“Ahem,” the garçon appeared over Pinkie Pie’s shoulder and fixed her with a steely glare that would brook no nonsense. Pinkie Pie smiled nervously up at him. He pointed his hoof wordlessly at the exit.
“Ah… Well,” said Rarity “I think it’s time we were all going. Shall we?”
They rose as a group, Pinkie Pie pushed ahead and out the gate.
“Pinkie, wait!” Rainbow called after her. Pinkie didn’t slow up, she scampered around a corner and disappeared without looking back. Rarity lingered behind, settling things with the manager and making sure to leave a generous tip. Rainbow Dash was hovered indecisively, trying to gauge how much longer Rarity would take inside.
In the end, Rarity was too slow. Rainbow snorted in frustration and took to the air, scouring the streets below for any sign of his frizzy pink friend. Unfortunately, Pinkie could vanish as suddenly as she could appear. Rainbow did a few broad circles above the busy marketplace, but even his eagle eyes couldn’t spot her.
What had gotten his friend so ruffled? Pinkie Pie was notoriously eccentric (be honest, a bit of a wingnut) but she usually kept the needle pegged at the “manic” end of the dial. If she was taking a swing towards the depressive…
Rainbow shuddered and tried to shake the image out of his head. He made a mental note to warn Twilight next time he saw her, and to do everything he could to cheer Pinkie up as soon as possible.
Right now though, there was nothing to be done. Goodness knew how a fluorescent pink mare could sneak around so easily, but if Pinkie didn’t want to be seen then she wouldn’t be seen. Rainbow banked off to the east and made towards Fluttershy’s cottage.
***
Twilight Sparkle and Big Macintosh lay together on the basement floor, the air still flushed with humidity from their recent exhilarations. The new lab equipment stood in half-unpacked chaos around the pair, a snapshot of how things had been at the moment the mood overtook them.
Twilight stretched on her side. Half her body was cool from the packed earth beneath her, the other half sweaty from the love-hot hair around her. She traced her hoof through the coarse, red hair on Big Mac’s chest, writing love-letters to his body as she basked in aerobic bliss. The steady rise and fall of Big Mac’s gargantuan barrel told Twilight her colossal colt-friend was on the verge of sleep and the realization was enough to shake her out of her stupor.
“Oh, oh em gee!” she cried, as if waking from sleep herself. Big Mac stirred and blinked at her.
“We’re never going to finish setting up if we keep letting ourselves get distracted!” she admonished, staggering to her feet.
Her motor control was still cruising on a sea of endorphins and it took her a few tries to stand upright. Big Mac caught her chest with his nose before she fell again and held her steady until her brain got back from vacation… or at least until it got its sea legs.
This kind of thing had been going on all week. Between the two of them it was a miracle they’d ever left Twilight’s bedroom at all. Big Mac hadn’t lost his virginity until well into his adulthood and seemed more than eager to make up for lost time. It was a testimony to Twilight’s extraordinary wellspring of hidden power that she was able to keep up. For her own part, Twilight threw herself into their relations with a gusto that Big Mac found both exhilarating and slightly terrifying. Nobody does the worm like a bookworm.
“I can’t wait to find out what spell I used to transform Rainbow into a stallion,” said Twilight “Whatever it was must have been really potent if Princess Celestia herself couldn’t break it.”
Big Mac grunted in agreement as he pushed the heavy base of her new Thaumascope into the center of the room so they could start putting it together.
“A stable gender-swap spell is almost impossible to pull off. Only a few ponies in the world have ever been able to manage it,” she explained.
“I wonder if it was Starswirl’s Scintillating Sex Change,” Twilight mused “Or maybe Rubilax’s Ribald Regendering. I’m gonna go ahead and rule out Clover’s Climactic Contrapositioner as it usually produces more… exaggerated features in stallions, but it could be some modified version…”
“Maybe it was Twilight’s Tittilating Trans-Sexualizer,” Big Mac smirked down at her from beneath heavy-lidded eyes. She snorted and gave him a playful bat with her hoof.
“Not likely… Though if it were an original composition…” her expression turned wistful.
She turned back to him.
“You know I actually do have a spell named after me published in The Modern Magician’s Expanded Spell Index?” Twilight puffed out her chest with pride.
Big Mac shook his head. He didn’t know that.
“Twilight’s Terrific Text-Tamer,” she smiled “It’s a sorting spell I invented it to help with a research project I had back in fourth grade. I’d pulled too many reference materials and it was impossible to keep them all straight. I couldn’t find a suitable spell so I just made up my own. I didn’t know I was doing anything revolutionary, but it totally blew my professors’ minds when they saw it in action. Every library and archive in Equestria uses it now.”
Big Mac nodded his head, impressed.
“Yer awful clever,” he smiled.
Twilight’s pride deflated a little.
“I’m going to have to do better than clever if I want to fix Rainbow Dash,” she sighed “I composed a nifty book-sorting spell, but Princess Celestia and Luna are in a whole ‘nother league. I dunno if I can succeed where my own mentor failed.”
Big Mac nuzzled her chin.
“Maybe Celestia is in a whole ‘nother league, but when she got stumped, she turned to you,” he said.
Twilight chuckled, but his words warmed her and she returned to setting up the Thaumascope with renewed enthusiasm.
***
Fluttershy flitted frantically through her cottage, peering under sofa cushions and behind chairs to make sure she didn’t leave out a single smutty scrap of her burgeoning collection of erotic magazines and photographs. Rainbow Dash was coming over and she didn’t want him to get a bad first impression…
What was she thinking? First impression. She’d known Rainbow Dash for years! They were best friends! Closer than sisters.
So why did this feel like a first date?
When she’d learned about Rainbow’s true feelings for her, she’d been so touched and flattered that she would have given anything to be able to make her friend happy in that way. Unfortunately, wish as she might, Fluttershy couldn’t force herself to like mares any more than Rainbow had been able to make herself like stallions. In the end, Rainbow had given up and turned to Applejack for the companionship she couldn’t find in Fluttershy.
Fluttershy wasn’t too clear on what had gone on between Rainbow Dash and Applejack. She had a vague notion that something had happened, but the two almost seemed to be avoiding each other now, so whatever it was couldn’t have been that serious, could it?
Fluttershy hoped not. She couldn’t bear to compete with Applejack for Rainbow’s affections. It just wouldn’t be fair. Rainbow Dash had been obsessed with Fluttershy since foalhood, what chance did newcomer Applejack have? She loved Applejack, too, and wouldn’t do anything that would result in her feelings getting hurt.
Anyway, there was no point in worrying herself with such thoughts. This wasn’t a date. She’d turned Rainbow Dash down, after all.
Then again…
She’d only turned Rainbow down because she was a mare. If Rainbow Dash had been a stallion all along, wouldn’t they already have been dating?
Fluttershy pondered what might have been (and what might be) as she finished tidying up her house. She put a flower in her mane and checked her tail in the mirror. Just because it was only a friend coming over didn’t mean she couldn’t look nice.The end of part 2…
To be continued…
