Please don't read this

by The Quartermaster

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Anthro, Applejack, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Rainbow Dash, Comedy
Length: 20228

Please, for the sake of your sanity, do not read

Rainbow Dash gets stuck on Earth with a weird cat-human hybrid with a cliché backstory who's simply trying to survive with his edgy-OC syndrome alongside his four underdeveloped personalities he calls 'friends'. Meanwhile, in Equestria: the author forces AppleSpike, all other characters are flanderized to the Nth degree, and Rarity is turned into a terrible person - Like most stories that try to ship Spike with someone else do.

This is my first story I wrote when I was 12.
Run while you can.

Published 2015-08-25 05:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-03-22 01:21:56 UTC

Oh dear God why

CH.2-The Next Morning

Rainbow's mind had gone completely blank. She didn't know why or how she was here -- better yet where here was -- but she knew one thing: she was freaking out, on a bed and there was a human lying in a nearby doorway. She was just lucky that Twilight had brought her and the others through the mirror once they had made sure that they wouldn't implode the universe or something like that… otherwise, she'd be freaking out more than she already was. The human...wait, did it have a tail?

“Never mind,” she thought. She decided against taking a closer look as the...Thing had started regaining consciousness.

John groaned, rubbing his head before looking around until his eyes fell upon the cyan mare. With wings.

Wait what?

Ok, so a cyan pegasus with a rainbow mane...nothing abnormal there... He instantly moved his hood to cover his head and tucked his tail into his shirt before trying to communicate. Even though it wasn't some necromancer's conjuration, it didn’t mean it couldn't be an A.I sent by the government to take him to a lab and dissect him. "Wow, I sounded like a conspiracy theorist there..." he ignored his thoughts and began speaking.

"H-hey, are you alright?” he asked hesitantly. Rainbow's eyes narrowed. “Did I scare you? I promise I'm not here to hurt you… besides, I think you already hurt me more than I could you."

Rainbow began to relax slightly; AJ had once taught her how to tell when a pony - or Thing - was lying. She then realized that she had hit him harder than he was physically showing, seeing the bruise she had left sticking comically out of his forehead. She felt slightly…SLIGHTLY bad for the guy. The last time she had kicked a pony that hard, he had fallen into a coma for a week. She shook her head to dislodge her thoughts as she noticed John staring patiently at her.

"Um...i-its cool,” she said, stammering slightly through her efforts to feign confidence. “I mean, come on; me? Scared? If you knew me you'd know that I never get scared." She then stopped her gloating and looked towards John,
"But I think I got you worse than you're letting on. Are you sure you’re alright?" She padded out of her corner to sit in the middle of the bed.

John slipped into an awkward silence, momentarily taken aback by her talking. He then remembered the Pinocchio nose protruding from his forehead, which he comically shoved back into his face as though nothing had happened.

Mildly annoyed and noticing the stunned look on the pegasus’ face, he leaped onto the bed which bounced Rainbow into the air. He was rewarded with a yelp before she glided back to the ground, glaring at him. He grinned broadly.

"Whaaat? You were wide open, and I don't get to prank people very often. So sue me.” He swallowed nervously and quelled his rising panic. ”A-actually, don't sue me.” He shook his head. “Anyway, I didn't know that Pegasi could talk! Let alone that they were real! Do you have a name, miss”-?

"Oh, uh... my name’s Rainbow Dash! I’m the best flier in all of Equestria!" She sprung into the air and flipped before hovering out of the pure joy she received from simply saying the words. Then she noticed what she was doing and sheepishly flopped back onto the creaky, old bed. "But, who are you? I've seen a… huh-men before. But you aren't pastel-colored, you’re…tan or something, or is that just your coat color?“

John blinked twice, trying to process the words which had raced from her mouth in two seconds flat.
"First off,” he said slowly. “What's ‘Equestria? And it's human. Also, I’m… not a pony at all. Most humans aren’t pastel-colored. My name's John, and I'm definitely a human, an average, completely normal human." He grinning hysterically as he spoke.

"He's lying... but why?” Rainbow just rolled her eyes at the cheesy face he was making, then winced as she heard a low, growling noise. She glanced sheepishly at John, whose grin grew to a small smile.

"Um... I may have missed breakfast?" she said expectantly, climbing off the bed as she did so. John simply nodded and showed her the way towards the downstairs area. Rainbow decided to try and figure out why he was lying.

“So…you’re a completely normal human, huh?” she said, raising an eyebrow as she trotted after him. “I've seen humans and pastel-colored or not…” she stopped walking and stared pointedly at John. “Most of them don't have furry ears.”

That stopped John dead in his tracks and Rainbow bumped into him, making him lose his balance…right at the top of the stairs. She gasped as he tumbled to the bottom, but before she could react, he stood up and dusted himself off like it was nothing before peering at her with a smile. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"So I don't have much,” he said casually. “But there's ramen and hot pockets - I don't know if you've heard of it - and there's TV on if you want to watch."

“Dammit, how did she know?” he thought. “I made sure my hood was on-oh... when I fell... right.” Rainbow didn't understand; what was so bad about his ears? She was distracted from her thoughts as another growl emanated from her belly, louder than before, and decided she would try and ask again later. Right now, she was too hungry and lazy to try. She then noticed the surroundings of the downstairs area, which was... wow.

“There's nothing here but a couch a table and a... probably that TV thing he was talking about. I'm no Rarity but this... this is sad.”

"I'm not sure, but aren't you supposed to have more stuff around a house?” she asked. She couldn’t help herself. “Oh and I'll have that hot pocket... it looks much tastier than that dead squid." John nodded before taking said item and shoving it in a crappy, ten-dollar microwave.

"Well, the house thing…” he said, leaning against the counter as he did so. “That’s kinda personal. And I don't even know you! I'm just going to help you until my friend Eli gets here so that we can figure out why and how you’re here. If you have no other choice but to stick with me for a while, then I…” he hesitated. “I’ll consider you a friend and tell you why everything in my life might just go ‘poof'. Okay?”

Rainbow was not the kind of mare who liked secrets…so her predicament was killing her slowly as she ate. But she knew she would just have to be patient, and-
“Is that Apple Cider I smell!?”

They had been eating quietly until Rainbow smelled the 'best drink in the world.’ She flew out of her seat and then dropped to the floor, sniffing the ground like a bloodhound. A knock just so happened to rattle the front door as she bumped into it, startling her. Groaning, she opened the door impatiently.
"Rainbow, wait! You'll scare-"

"Yo, John, we had some cider left over from last night's party, thought you might want so-" Daniel was cut off mid-sentence as a cyan pegasus soared into him, taking the item as she did so. The last thing that John heard was a scream as Cherry had fainted along with Daniel. He ran to the door to see a flabbergasted Eli and Liem huddled around Cherry. Daniel lay unnoticed on the floor, snoring comically. Once Rainbow had finished chugging nearly the ENTIRE BOTTLE, she turned her attention to John’s friends, frowning at their aghast expressions before looking up at John.

"Jeez, what's up with them?"

Author's Note

Blue thoughts are Rainbow Dash, Brown thoughts are John's.

Criticism is always welcome and so are any questions at all.
Editor for chapter: He wishes to keep himself anonymous.

Thank you for reading!

The cringe is too strong

CH.3-Discord Gives This a 2/10 on the Chaos Scale

After several moments of lingering panic, John and Liem carefully carried Cherry and Daniel inside. Or, more accurately, Cherry was carefully brought inside…Daniel, on the other hand, was scooted across the floor amidst much grumbling. His thundering snores made for a delicate instrumental to the bizarre scene.

Liem set Cherry down onto the couch, staring at her desperately. Eli remained motionless in the doorway while John turned his glare on a
sheepish Rainbow. For a while, there was silence.

Then Rainbow shrugged and downed the remaining contents of the bottle clutched in her hoof. A small smile spread across John’s face, but it was quickly replaced by a scowl.

"What were you thinking!” he yelled, really not expecting an answer.

"And how did you drink that 2 LITRE BOTTLE that FAST!?"

To his surprise, Rainbow was still very much sober, and once she had finished her drink, she wasted no time in pointing a smirk his way.

"Ok, two questions… ‘John’. One, what is this?” She jabbed a hoof at the bottle. “It tastes like apple cider from heaven. Oh, and two, why should I care about them?” The hoof left the bottle to point towards Cherry, Liem, Daniel, and Elijah. “I don't know them and they don't know me. So big deal." John rolled his eyes and grabbed the now empty bottle from her hoof.

“One,” he began, tossing the bottle into the trashcan behind him. “This is apple cider. It’s just from the liquor store. And two, these people are my friends!" Rainbow through her forelegs exasperatedly into the air.

“So?” John walked over to a shock-rigid Eli and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“So, this human statue over here is your closest chance of finding out why you’re here and how we can get you back to Equestria." Rainbow’s pupils shrunk.

“Oh, pony-feathers…” She raced towards Eli, slamming into him before frantically waving a hoof in front of his face. He yelped.
“Wha”-

“Ooh…what… where am I?" John glanced around as Cherry sat up. She cast her gaze wildly across the room until it came to rest on Liem, who smiled in relief.

“You’re at John's place. We came here with Eli and Daniel, remember?"Cherry nodded uncertainly. “We were at the door when some...thing took the Cider. Speaking of which..." He stood up and aimed a glare at Rainbow which could have killed a cockatrice.

“Hey, you... thing, why don't you apologize to Cherry? You scared her half to death!" Eli, still slack-jawed, fixed his glasses dazedly and took a few steps backwards; clearly, he didn’t want to be involved in the imminent battle. John cringed as Rainbow’s cheeks reddened furiously.

"Hey! I'm a pegasus, thank you very much! And why would I apologize to a cherry? Those things taste horrible.” John raised an eyebrow.
" Actually, that’s the name of that girl lying on the couch over there. You know, the one that fainted because of you.”

John couldn’t help but smirk when Rainbow’s expression slipped into a state of unmistakable horror and regret. Maybe she was capable of empathy after all…

"He calls that a couch? Sweet Celestia, has he even heard of ‘style’ before? OH NO! I'm becoming Rarity! Abort mission! Snake? SNAKE? SNAAAAAAKE!…"

“Rainbow?” John asked, still smirking. Rainbow laughed giddily.

“Maybe I had a little much cider…and played a little too much Pony Gear Solid.” She shook her head before turning her gaze on Cherry, who for the most part appeared to be functioning properly. She winced at the pitiful sight.

”Oh, great. Now I feel even worse. Could this day get any better?" She hesitated before extending her wings, gliding upwards for a few moments before coming to land in front of Cherry. Her eyes promptly widened in alarm to an eye-roll from Rainbow.

"I'm sorry…Cherry. Y’know, for making you pass out, and all that mushy stuff." Cherry’s eyes brightened and surprised Rainbow with a smile. She was about to say something when all of a sudden, Liem darted in front of her. Rainbow couldn’t hold back a tiny yelp as he shoved her away.

“ Alright, good. Now explain yourself. What are you doing here, horse?” In Equestrian language, calling someone a horse was incredibly insulting so, in turn, Rainbow was steaming in anger.

"Did you just call me...a horse!?" Her eye started to twitch, "I oughtta buck you all the way to Clouds-dale, you… you... human!" Liem’s mouth fell open as Rainbow wheeled to buck him in the face.She would have succeeded if it hadn't been for John shoving him out of the way and taking the blow.

Rainbow clapped her hooves to her mouth in shock as he went soaring into the kitchen and crashed painfully to the floor. Somehow, he had avoided breaking anything.

Rainbow and Liem simply stared at him, completely stunned. Then Liem spun aggressively to face Rainbow, his features twisted by fury.

"What the hell, you stupid horse! First, you hurt my girlfriend, now you hurt my friend…why are you even here?" Rainbow scowled and pointed an accusing hoof at Liem. "It's your fault! That was meant for you. And I wouldn't have done it anyway if you hadn't called me a horse!"

The two were far too engaged in conflict to notice John getting up to rub his forehead in pain. He groaned under his breath as his eyes fell upon the scene unfolding before him. Cherry seemed worried, Dan was still asleep and Eli (who had turned into a statue again) was most likely still trying to compute the pastel-colored pony. He sighed and rubbed his temples as the arguing, and a certain Daniel’s snoring grew louder.

“Well, it looks like there's only one person that can solve this." John climbed to his feet, then stumbled over to Eli and snapped his fingers. Eli slowly flickered to life as a computer would then blinked a few times before resting his gaze on John. His glasses slipped to one side as he tilted his head questioningly.

"If you can get them to stop, I can explain everything,” John hissed desperately. No response. He groaned inwardly and shook Eli’s by the shoulders. “I’ll let you test my ears some more, then!” This instantly grabbed Eli's attention and John sighed in relief as he grinned. He slumped against the wall, ears twitching in agitation as Eli turned to face the chaos. "Hello? Everyone, can I have your attention please?" The only response he received was from Cherry, who mouthed: "You know what to do.”

Eli nodded and turned to John, his puppy-dog eyes sparkling. John glared at him in disgust.

“No,” he said flatly, shaking his head. “Not happening.” Eli nodded exaggeratedly in return and John groaned. “Can’t you do something about this?” Eli asked desperately. “Cherry seems like she’s going to faint again, Daniel’s still sleeping and if you don’t do something soon, we'll theoretically have a murder on our hands.” The puppy-dog eyes increased to full power and John almost gagged.

“Please?” Cherry mouthed from the couch. He glared at Eli for a few seconds, then relented.

"First off, the 'puppy dog eyes' don’t work on me. It’s actually pretty offensive, man. And secondly, I’ll do it…but it doesn't mean that I like it!” He stalked into the center of the room, threw his head back…and let out a roar which could have rivaled a lion’s.

Said roar was more than enough to silence Rainbow and Liem, who turned to stare at him dazedly. Breathing hard, he stormed back to the wall and slumped to the ground, allowing Eli to take the floor.

"Now that I have your attention, I'd like to address the fact that this pega"-

SNOOOORRREE.

Unsurprisingly, Dan was still asleep. Eli glared at him for a few moments before shoving a foot into his mouth; the talk had to go on.

"As I was saying, I'd like to address the fact that this pegasus is most likely a guest of John's and we must be hospitable…Liem.” Liem simply grunted and threw himself onto the couch next to Cherry. Rainbow smirked in light of her win before taking a seat on the floor. “But,” Eli continued. “I'm very certain we all wish to know why Rainbow Dash is here." Rainbow’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"How do you know my name?" Cherry hesitated before answering.

"Because you’re one of the main characters of this show we all watched yesterday." She winced as she threw a glance towards Liem. "Well, almost everyone." Liem lifted his arms skywards in exasperation and shrugged.

"Oh, well that explains why there's some weird pony following everyone everywhere with a... gadget.” John tilted his head, his sensitive ears picking up the mutinous whispers that followed: “Don't ask me how he got into Twilight and Tirek's battlefield. He’s always protected by a magic shield or something.” John raised an eyebrow "Er, nevermind.”

Eli sighed and shifted uncomfortably to face John. “So…mind telling me what’s going on here?” John rubbed his temples exhaustively. This was going to take a while.

"... And that's why we need you to find out why she's here, Eli,” he finished, a little more than ‘a while’ later. Eli nodded in understanding. Then his eyes widened and John raised a questioning eyebrow as he darted away without any explanation.

Cherry, who had been whispering to Liem through the whole of John’s speech, smirked as Liem grunted and turned to Rainbow.
"I'm sorry I over-reacted, it was dumb, I know, blah-blah-blah.” Rainbow’s eyebrow lifted skeptically but lowered when she noticed that the lump on the floor near her was resurrecting. She backed away as Dan woke ungracefully from his slumber with a yawn and a back scratch.

"Oog... Guys I just had the weirdest dream." He opened his eyes fully…to the sight of a cyan pegasus.

Everyone instantly rushed forward to save Rainbow from the inevitable doom of a fanboy but failed magnificently as Dan threw Rainbow into his arms, eyes sparkling in pure glee.
“OhmygawdItsRainbowDashRainbowDashishereinmyarms.Howisthispossible? Canyoutalk? Areanyoftheothershere? WhatsitlikeinEquestria?Doyouhaveany-"

At that moment, John took the liberty of shoving Dan onto the couch, taking Rainbow from his grasp as he did so. Rainbow, looking as though she could vomit at any given moment, collapsed on the ground. John growled and turned to face his brony friend.

"No, bad Dan, BAD! You will not go full fanboy or I swear on my 7th life you will never see that show again."At this Dan whimpered like a puppy and curled up into a tiny ball.

It would have been cute if he wasn't a man in his mid-twenties.

"Y-yes sir, I promise to be good, sir." Rainbow puffed out her wings, distinctly ruffled.
"What just happened!? First, that Dan guy was acting like my number one fan, then cat-man over here stops him and makes him cower like Winona when she pees on the rug. And did...uh, John. Yeah, that's it, John. Did John just say his 7th life? Is everyone around here completely insane?!”

Eli, blissfully unaware of Daniel’s awakening, stumbled into the room holding a chair similar to the one Twilight had (unsuccessfully) attempted to use on Pinkie in an effort to discover the roots of her ‘Pinkie Sense.’ However, this one had an unusual rune symbol etched onto the front.

‘Wait!” Cherry yelled, panicked. “That’s... John! Don't look at-" She broke off
helplessly as John stared straight at the rune, captivated.

“Fancy. Wait I want that. It's mine now. MINE." Everything was normal until John leaped into the... medieval electric-shock chair… and curled up, purring.

Everyone clearly not amused…with the exception of Rainbow who was laughing her flank off, and Dan who was still cowering on the couch, rocking back and forth like a crazy person.

"Oh come on, man, don't give into the instincts now!" Liem stormed forward and tried to pry John from the chair, whose eye (visible under the hood) had degraded into a pure black hole. "No, it's mine! MY PRECIOUS!" Rainbow descended into startled silence as a black aura started to emanate from John’s form. Even Daniel ceased his rocking. Liem stared coldly at him and mouthed the word ‘again?’ John seemed to twitch in response making Liem sigh.

Then he promptly proceeded to punch John in the face.

Rainbow stared at the scene in shock. At this point, she was questioning everyone's mentality.

”Except that fruit chick. She's cool.” She released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding as John’s normal eye, a light green one with dark slits, faded back into place. She caught the briefest flash of his other eye before it disappeared beneath his hood once again.

It was covered in duct tape.

“Okay,” she began, brimming with unanswered questions. “That might just have been the weirdest thing I've ever seen. But can we cut to the chase? I want to find out why I'm here and how to get back home!” Everyone but John gave her a cold stare. He nodded in understanding and limped out of the chair, only to collapse once again. Daniel caught him quickly and hefted him onto the couch.

“Uh, hello?”

"What's your problem?” Liem burst. “Can't you see that this guy’s hurt? Are you so stone-hearted that you don’t even feel anything?“ Rainbow, unmoved, slipped casually into the now unoccupied chair.

"I don’t have any problem. It's just that I shouldn't care if I'm going to be leaving soon anyway.” Liem scoffed and sat down on the couch between Cherry and John, who was squashed uncomfortably in the middle. He remained unamused when Daniel elbowed him in the face.

Rainbow raised an eyebrow as Eli fixed his glasses, then pulled a helmet out of nowhere and strapped it to Rainbow’s head, along with a data analyzer. He clapped his hands together and grinned evilly.

"Now let's analyze what makes you tick!”

"Eli!" Eli peered at Cherry, who managed to look annoyed even with Daniel’s feet in her face. Eli sighed and muttered something about never having any fun.
" Alright fine then, Rainbow Dash, let’s get you home…without any lasers, sadly."

Author's Note

Comments and Criticism is always welcomed!
All questions will be answered!
Thank you for reading!

Edge levels are too high to handle.

CH.4-The Mad Scientist and his... Pegasus?

"MWAHAHAHAHA!"

Eli laughed maniacally as some lightning struck outside the house at random. No one (or almost no one) paid any attention; they were…semi-used to it. Everyone (or almost everyone) was too busy removing a sleeping Dan from their area.

Rainbow Dash, however…

“W-what is this guy? He's as random as Pinkie! And he's putting on some doctor outfit and writing... something. I'm guessing this is that Sy-inse thing he was talking about.”

Finally deciding to shove Dan to the floor, Cherry, John, and Liem glanced at one another, unamused by his seemingly unstoppable snoring. The same unamused gazes then turned to Eli, who didn’t stop laughing until he realized that they weren’t going to stop staring at him.

He ended his fit of hysteria with a hacking cough before grumbling, fixing his glasses and turning to Rainbow.
"So, Rainbow Dash,” he began, “from the data I've collected so far, it has come to my attention that you have not yet explained how you actually came here. Or, more importantly, why you actually came here.”

"No duh, genius!” John called over, smirking. “You’re supposed to be the smart one in this group, so act like it!" Rainbow giggled deliriously to herself.

“If he's the smart one, I'm definitely doomed.” She laughed quietly at her own joke, not realizing that she had whispered the statement out loud. John's ears pricked to the sound of her mirth.

"Hey! He may be short…and oblivious sometimes…but he's one of the smartest people I know!" He winced. “Alright, maybe not the smartest. The…No! I promised I would never remember past lives! I just need to focus on helping this...mare get back to her own world.”

As John looked back up, he saw Rainbow staring at him with her muzzle wide open, wondering how he'd heard her. Evidently, she had noticed the glare he was shooting her. However, Liem hissed and scowled irritatedly before he could say anything.

"Can we please just get this over with? I want this hor- pegasus out of my life NOW.” Cherry made an attempt to calm him, but the angry smoke which had started spouting from his head showed no signs of relenting. Eli laughed halfheartedly, then frowned and leaned towards Rainbow. She was starting to fidget with the thing on her head.

"Well then, how about we start with an easy question. What was the last thing you remember before today?" Rainbow stopped playing with her helmet when she noticed that all eyes were on her. She swallowed, pondering the question. Suddenly, she grinned and the lightbulb embedded in her helmet turned on.
“I remember! I had just finished helping Twilight with this spell of hers and I was flying home to get some shuteye. I would have done some awesome tricks but my fans were crowding around too much.”

"Suuuure they were,” John interjected mentally. However, he couldn’t stop the corners of his mouth from twitching.

“I had just flopped down on my bed and passed out. Next thing I knew, I was waking up at the foot of John's bed.” She winced. “Uh, sorry about that by the way.” Everyone frowned in confusion but John simply nodded in approval.

"Wait, back up,” Eli said sharply. “Did you say you were helping Twilight with a spell? What kind?” His glasses flashed as he fixed them. “A numerical amount will give me the data needed to come up with a conclusion!”

"Wha?" Rainbow’s stare became so wall-eyed that Derpy would have been proud.

“What spell?” Eli pressed. Rainbow swallowed nervously.

“Uh…well, I think she said…tele-por-ty-ness…or something." Eli’s face exploded into a smile.

"Teleportation! Of course, that's what it is. Now I just need an amount of times she cast the spell on you!”
“Um…I don't know. She shot me once…then a ton of other times, over and over." Cherry shot her a sympathetic glance.

"Well, I hope she didn't hurt you…or herself,” she said gently. Rainbow grinned smugly.

"Puh-lease. I'm too awesome to be brought down by something that puny! And Twilight's a princess; she probably didn't even break a sweat." She bit her lip, downcast.
“But then again, Spike did say something about her working 24/7 all through the week.”

Her expression brightened and she chuckled as she remembered Applejack’s crush on Spike. “Applejack,” she murmured absently, “as soon as I get back you are going to be on the receiving end of a non-stop barrage of pranks!”

Meanwhile, Eli was writing away so fast that no one knew what he could possibly be doing. John cringed.

"Gah! That sound hurts! Make it stop!” Teeth gritted, he glanced over to Rainbow, then to Cherry and Liem, who were busy staring at each other. Not the cute kind of stare; their eyes were wide open and worried…it was how they showed they care. He turned back to Rainbow, one eyebrow tilted in amusement.

"So, what's up with Applejack? You can tell me - I'm trustworthy." Rainbow's jaw literally hit the ground before rolling itself back into place.

"How did he know? Can he read minds or something?”

"No, nothing like that,” Johns said casually, startling Rainbow once again. “I mean I know you speak your thoughts really quietly, but definitely not quietly enough to stop me from hearing them.” Rainbow's eyes went wide, but she quickly regained her composure with a smirk.

"I'm guessing it comes with the ears, right?" John stood up and pulled his hood close to his head, ignoring the blue sweat-drop decorating his forehead.
"What are you talking about?” he said loudly, his voice an octave higher than usual. “What ears? I have perfectly normal human ears like every other human!" He looked frantically side-to-side. Rainbow groaned; clearly, she wasn’t going to get through to this guy anytime soon.

"Ugh, whatever!” she snapped. “I don't care”
“The questions I have are KILLING ME.”
“Why did I even bother asking? I’m leaving soon anyway!”

John’s unsaid words were cut off as Eli dove to the floor between the two, startling Rainbow in the process and causing her to yelp.
“Actually,” he said. “You might want to rethink the whole soon thing.” He pointed to the chalkboard, then the wall, and then the ceiling. All were full of random scribbles and unreadable words. John’s mouth fell open.

“I swear, he's probably a doctor,” he thought numbly through his shock.

Cherry stopped staring at Liem and yelped as she noticed the new decor.
"ELI!" she yelled. Daniel promptly snorted and woke - Cherry’s scream could rival the royal Canterlot voice. "Why did you have to write all over John’s…er… everything! That'll take him months to”- She was suddenly cut off by John who raised a hand to stop her.

"It doesn't matter,” he smiled, “as long as it helps Rainbow get home." Eli swallowed anxiously before continuing.

“Well, see, a-according to my data, there is…” he hesitated and shut his eyes. Rainbow raised an eyebrow.

“What?” Eli swallowed again.

“There’s no way that I can send you back!” he babbled hysterically. “I'm sorry!” Rainbow looked down and groaned as John winced and unstrapped her from the medieval torture chair.

"Seriously, where does he pull these things from? His ass?" She brightened.
“It's fine,” she realized. “Twilight'll probably notice I'm gone and find a way to get me home." Eli just offered her a terrified smile.

“A-actually…I did some data analysis and…well, they most likely won't even notice you’re gone for at least another week or so. And then they won't look for you in other worlds for a while, so the estimated time you'll be stuck here is..." Everyone leaned forward in anticipation, but Eli said nothing, preferring to cower until John scowled.

"Before I'm on my 6th life, please!" Eli giggled hysterically and mumbled something under his breath. John sighed. “Could you repeat that?” Eli licked his lips nervously.

"Five months."

Several things happened at once. Cherry fainted onto Liem, who fell onto Dan, who slammed into John's hand as he pushed all of them back onto the couch. Rainbow almost fell out of the air, but just managed to hover in her place.

"F-five months? Oh my Celestia, I can't be here for five months! Who’ll feed Tank?" Dan was happy to answer that.

“Fluttershy. Duh." Rainbow fell back to the ground with a sheepish smile.

“Oh…right.” Liem stood up furiously and stalked over to Eli, pointing a finger at Rainbow.

"No, she is not staying here. I can't handle that bitch! I say we throw her out onto the streets." Cherry gasped.

"Liem! How could you say that? She didn't mean anything she did wrong!" She turned to Rainbow for confirmation: "Right?" Rainbow nodded, but Liem simply sighed in frustration, rubbing his temples.

“Fine,” he sighed. “I'm sorry, sweetie.” He shot a poisonous glare towards Rainbow. “But I'll tell you one thing - she’s not staying with you and me." Rainbow glared back at him.

“I sure as hell hope not.” Eli soon bit his lip worriedly.

"Well, then who's going to take her in? We can't just leave her on the streets…and anyway, it’s clear she can't be seen in public." Dan grinned at Eli with pure glee.

"Aww YEAH! A real life Rainbow Dash is gonna live with me. This. Is. Awesome! I want to learn everything about everyone,” he said, grinning and jumping up and down on the spot. Rainbow took one look at Dan, then glanced frantically at Eli.

"Please don't make me live with him. I really don’t want him to know more than he already does.” Eli simply shrugged.

“Well, he's your only chance left, I'd take you in but I don't have any room... I'd get ready for some questions if I were you."John, who had been watching the scene unfold, suddenly spoke up.

"I'll take her in." Everyone turned to John, their expressions ranging from confusion to anger. Cherry was the first to speak up.

"Sweetie, you’re broke! You have barely any food and no place for her to sleep! What do you plan on doing?" John turned to her, his expression masked.

"I don't care. I can work with it and sleep on the floor. She’ll take my bed, I'll gather the money to get her some good food…and I'll make sure Dan doesn't pester her." He then turned to Dan and squinted his eyes menacingly. He immediately yelped and cowered behind Eli.

"Well, it's settled then!” Eli said cheerfully, unperturbed. “Rainbow Dash, you’re living with John here. You two should probably get to know each other..." He looked outside, realizing that night had fallen… “tomorrow.” John nodded.

“Good idea.”

After a round of good nights, good lucks and forcing his four good friends to leave, John turned to Rainbow who was still processing what had happened.

“This guy's broke? That explains a lot, but why would he do this for me? Shouldn't he try to hurt me?" She yelped as John waved a hand in front of her face. ”If I'm gonna be stuck here for 5 months, I'm gonna need to understand this guy. It’s question time.”

“Why?” she asked. “Why are you helping me? Aren't you mad at me for everything I did to you and your friends?" John laughed at that, then turned back to Rainbow with a slight smile.

"You should be one of the many to know that forgiving is good, y’know." He looked down, hood shifting as his ears drooped. "I guess I can tell you that it also has to do with my past." He shook his head ruefully. "But that's enough from me…you should get some sleep." Rainbow tilted her head then flew up the stairs, before turning and shoving John's hood from his head. His furry ears sprang into view and he yipped in surprise.

"Hah! Now you can't deny that you have those cat-ear-things,” Rainbow proclaimed triumphantly, her words laced with glee. John glared at her reproachfully, then sighed.

"Well, I guess earlier is better." He turned to look directly at Rainbow, who gasped lightly; one of his eyes was covered in duct tape. "I won't go into detail…no one should have to deal with my past. But my father was a human and my mother was a cat.” He rolled his eyes as Rainbow opened her mouth questioningly. “Don't ask me how it worked, it just did." Rainbow tilted her head curiously and John instantly answered her unasked question.

"No. The duct tape is there for a reason and no one has ever nor will ever see my eye."

"Oh come on! This is killing me!"

"Now then…why don't you go upstairs to sleep? I'll go to bed later.” Rainbow stared at him in confusion, then rolled her eyes.

“Fine! But you’d better tell me about this past of yours. I mean, you said something about your seventh life? Oh, and Applejack has a crush on Spike since you’re so curious. See? This is how communication works!” she said exasperatedly. “I give a little you give a little!” She growled. “Your bed better be like sleeping on a cloud or I'll come down and clobber you!" John backed up, chuckling.

"Okay, okay. Just...I need a moment. My past isn’t that great and I don’t really like talking about it.” He turned quickly to the kitchen, but not before Rainbow realized that his visible eye was tearing up. She bit her lip.

"Do I feel sorry for him? I hope he isn't a Rarity in disguise. I.e, a complete drama queen.” She soared up to the single room upstairs but was so distracted that she ended up slamming into the glass door like a bird. She climbed to her feet, disoriented.

“Graceful!” John yelled from downstairs. She grumbled before opening the door and lying on top of the bed. She sighed.

"Just like a cloud... a fur-ridden cloud..."
"Oh Celestia, he sheds.”

"Oh shit, I forgot to wipe my fur off the bed."

Author's Note

Comments and and Criticism are always welcomed!

Any questions will be answered!

Thank you for reading!

Meanwhile, in a chapter where good characters get ruined...

CH.5-Meanwhile, In Equestria...

Back in Ponyville, moments after Rainbow’s 'departure'…

Applejack lay with her forelegs crossed and her head tilted towards the sky, losing herself in Luna’s bewitching heavens. She had gone all out for her nephew's date-night and it showed in every moon-bright, twinkling star.

As she took in the spectacular sight, a claw wrapped around her hoof and she turned her gaze upon the creature next to her. Beside her was a young dragon, looking devilishly handsome in his tuxedo…it was Spike. He moved a claw towards the side of her muzzle, forcing a bright pink into the fine, orange fur coating her cheek.

"All these stars out tonight, shining brighter than they ever have been before,” he whispered, injecting a sense of cheesy romance into the atmosphere between them, “but not one of them could hold a candle to you.”

Then, Applejack’s heart raced as he leaned in to kiss her…she puckered her lips, awaiting his and...

THUMP!
“What the hay?”

She had fallen out of bed.

The earth pony groaned and climbed strenuously to her hooves, feeling drained. Being dragged from such a wonderful dream was enough to suck the life out of anypony. Sighing, she glanced outside and immediately did a double-take. The sun was high in the sky, making it nearly noon. She’d slept in…a horrible thing for a farmpony to do.

"Oh horseapples.”

She rushed down the stairs at a speed which could have rivaled Rainbow Dash before bumping into a giant red thing. There stood Big Mac, scowling unnervingly at her as he whistled for Granny Smith, who presented her with an even harsher glare.

Applejack offered them her most innocent smile, but the other Apples only continued to glower. After what felt like hours, Granny Smith spoke up.

"Well, young’un," she began, "you got some splainin' to do! You bin sleepin’ in every day this whole week... Mind tellin' us why?" Big Mac's glare only intensified, making Applejack gulp fearfully. “A-ah can't tell ‘em! They'd say it's just a schoolpony crush and that ah need ta get over it! Oh...why'd ah have t’be the element of honesty!?

Beads of sweat dripped down her face as she cowered before the two apple farmers. Granny Smith impatiently tapped an imaginary watch on her foreleg.

"C'mon now, we ain't got all day! The apples ain't harvistin' themselves, y’know.” Big Mac nodded in agreement…just as Applejack noticed a gap between him and Granny Smith. A gap which would allow her into the outer world. A gap which was was looking almost as attractive as Spike in a tuxedo.

She instantly took the chance.

"Ah'm-just-gonna-go-get-right-ta-that-a'right-bye!" she stammered. Then, she rocketed through the gap, leaving the other Apples dumbfounded. Granny glanced at Big Mac, unamused.

"Reckon we're gonna get 'er ta talk tonight?"

“Eeyup." Granny just shrugged and trotted into the kitchen.

"Well, let's just hope she don't do nothin' she'll regret about that li'l ol' crush o' hers. Now would you go help yer sis wit' the applebuckin’?" Big Mac glanced worriedly at her.
"What 'bout you?"

Granny gave him a sweet, toothy smile.
"Ah'll be fine, ah'm just makin' some fritters. You go ahead and continue wit' yer chores, Mac."

Big Mac considered saying something profound before sighing, deciding against it, and trotting out the door with a characteristic “Eeyup.”
______

Applejack cautiously watched her brother emerge from the farmhouse, waiting with baited breath. She released a sigh of relief as he set course for a faraway apple tree; now she could do her applebucking in peace. Sighing exhaustively, she turned her back to her own apple tree and-

"Wait just a darn minute! wasn't ah supposed ta do sumthin' today? She glanced nervously up at the sun. It was jerking through the sky at an alarming rate and Applejack swore she could even hear the sound of a clock ticking. "Oh horseapples! Ah gotta get a party fer Spike ready! And it's almost noon!

Easily forgetting everything but Spike, Applejack set off at a gallop for Pinkie Pie’s home…but not without her brother noticing her valiant escape. He instantly growled in disapproval.
“Applejack!"

Unsurprisingly, she took no notice.
______

The earth pony stopped at Sugarcube Corner to catch her breath, searching frantically for an angry red stallion. Upon realizing that she hadn’t been followed (to the best of her knowledge), she released a breath she didn’t know she had been holding and trudged into the shop.

"Thank Celestia.”

The bell rang as she opened the door and was instantly thrown to the ground in a bone-crushing hug. Applejack swore the pink mare broke her back in seven places before she jumped to her hooves, tossing confetti into the air and blowing a party horn as she did so.

“Hi Applejack!” she gasped. “It's soooo great to see you! And you get a mini party for being Sugarcube Corner’s four million and fifty-five thousand nine hundred and sixty-first customer! she exclaimed, beaming from ear-to-ear. Applejack simply blinked twice in confusion before chuckling.

"Pinkie, don't ever change,” she said affectionately. Pinkie stared at her in confusion.

"Why would I ever change? Is it the disguises?” She gasped again. “I knew I shouldn't have adopted the alter-ego of Baron-von-Meanypants!" Applejack winced in confusion, then tapped Pinkie urgently on the shoulder to get her attention.

“Pinkie! Listen, ah need a huge favor from ‘ya. Could you get a small party ready fer Spike? Nothin’ fancy. Ah told 'im it'd be 'round noon and we’re almost outta time! Please - I really yer help.” Pinkie grinned cheerily, losing her “Baron-von-Meanypants” glare.

"Sure thing!” she sang. “I was about to close up shop anyway; good ol’ Gummy needs a bath!” She pulled her tail into Applejack’s line of vision, revealing the blank-eyed alligator gnawing on it as he stared into space.

"Why does this mare's mane taste like cotton candy? Is the constant partying finally taking its toll? Or could it be an abnormality, a genetic mutation…something which forces her to be different to every other pony…a diamond in the rough if you will.

Unaware of the gator’s philosophical ramblings, Pinkie waved everyone out of the store before flipping the “open” sign on the door so that it displayed the word “closed”. Then, Applejack rubbed her eyes tiredly as the ecstatic mare zoomed around the shop, decorating tables and spraying confetti with a party cannon she had pulled out of thin air.

As her friend sang and danced while she worked, Applejack couldn’t help but sigh. Pinkie’s energy could be exhausting sometimes.

“Well, whattaya think?” AJ’s eyes snapped open fully to find the entire cafe covered in streamers, party food, and banners. She breathed a sigh of relief.

“It’s great,” she replied thankfully. “Ah don’t know how ta repay ‘ya.” Pinkie squealed happily in response before inhaling a nearby cake in excitement. Applejack shot her a glare that said “really?” but the party pony didn't seem to notice.

"So, any reason we're giving a party to Spike?” she asked. “I mean, I love throwing parties, but why Spike and where”- Applejack shoved a hoof into her mouth, stopping the flood of Pinkie-ness.

“Ah get it, Pinkie. Ah just…kinda told 'im that you were planning a party fer 'im." Pinkie snorted.
“Heheheh throwing a party for someone for no reason? If anyone other than me did that I'd say they have a crush!" AJ blushed profusely and sunk down in her chair in an attempt to hide it. This somehow went unnoticed by Pinkie, who was playing with a pair of strange, spherical earrings.

Applejack frowned as the heat stopped flowing to her cheeks. “Wait,” she asked worriedly. “Didja get any any o’ the others ta come?" Pinkie nodded happily.

"Yepperdoodles! I gave invites to Fluttershy, Spike, Starlight, Discord, the crusaders, and Rarity!" AJ scowled in response to the last name before shaking her head distractedly.

“What about Twilight ‘n Rainbow?"

"Twilight's asleep and for some reason, Rainbow wasn't home,” Pinkie answered instantly. AJ chuckled.
"She's probably off snoozin' on a cloud or summin'. Twilight kinda kept 'er up past 'er bedtime." Pinkie giggled manically before going back to normal…or as normal as Pinkie Pie could get.

“Okie-Dokie-Loki, then! I'll just wait ‘till she's done sleeping and tell her she missed out on some…apple cider." The party pony grinned expectantly, then frowned when nothing happened.

"Huh. Usually, when anypony says that she comes zooming right in! I guess she must be reaally tired." AJ smirked lightly before getting back on topic. "So when's everypony s'posed ta get 'ere?" Pinkie looked at the clock on the wall, "Right... about... NOW!"

CRASH.

Pinkie and AJ whirled around…and began laughing their flanks off. Well, Pinkie did at least.

There was Spike, Starlight, the three crusaders and Rarity all stuck in the doorway, trying -and failing - to get into the cafe. AJ smirked and glanced sideways at Pinkie.

"Ya made 'em Pinkie Promise ta come asap didn't 'cha?" Pinkie somehow managed to nod amidst her fit of laughter.

”Heh, typical Pinkie.”

As six ponies and a dragon squeezed themselves through the doorway, a bright flash erupted in the center of the room. AJ yelped as the brightness died down to reveal Discord, holding Fluttershy’s hoof in his paw.

Fluttershy immediately gasped and…er…flutteredover to Pinkie while Discord chuckled.

"I presume this was Pinkie's doing?" Everypony nodded in affirmation, including Pinkie, who had emerged from her laughing seizure. "Ha! I bet if you used that Pinkie promise of yours correctly, you could wreak chaos almost as well as I could!”

Pinkie offered Discord a wide, possibly evil smile as Rarity scoffed and padded up to Applejack. Spike wasn’t lagging too far behind. "Well, dah-ling,” she proclaimed. “I, for one, don't particularly like the idea of dealing with more chaos than we already do.” She glanced expectantly at Spike, "Don't you agree with me, Spikey?”

"Of course, Rarity. I agree with whatever you say..." Spike slurred dreamily. Rarity giggled,

"Why thank you, Spikey-Wikey."

AJ growled under her breath and stuck her head between the two.

"Alrighty then!” she yelled, forcing cheer into her voice. “Glad we straightened that out! Let’s party, ya'll!" Pinkie squealed before racing up to Starlight and Applebloom. The two ponies yelped as she hefted them into the air with one hoof and sent them soaring into a couple of random chairs.

Scootaloo grabbed Sweetie Belle by the hoof before darting inside, eager to avoid the same treatment.

“So… who’s this party for?” she asked. She gasped. “Ooh! Ooh! is there a new holiday?!" Sweetie Belle looked up then tilted Scootaloo's face upwards with one hoof.

“I don't think so. Look at the huge sign right in front of you, it says “Spike’s Welcome Back from Work Party!”

Apple Bloom leapt eagerly out of her chair. "Forget that, girls! C’mon, there's cake ta be eaten!”
“Yeah!”
“Woohoo!”

And with that, the CMC went on to inhale nearly all the pastries on the nearby table.

Spike threw Pinkie a sideways grin. "Oh yeah! I forgot this party was for me!” He frowned. “Wait, why'd you throw a party for me again?" Pinkie opened her mouth to explain but was cut off by AJ.

“Well, sugarcube…you’ve so been cooped up in that li'l castle o’ Twilight's an’ you’ve been workin' twenty-four/seven…so Pinkie wanted ta throw ya a party!” Starlight sat up in her seat, frowning.

"Wait, so why didn't I get a party for not destroying Equestria?”

“Um, S-starlight?’ Fluttershy stammered softly. “I don't think it works that way-" Starlight whirled around and glared menacingly at her before Discord teleported in front of Fluttershy, growling defensively. Starlight glowered darkly at him before backing down reluctantly, stubborn composure neatly back in place. “Pfft, whatever."

And with that, she left the party without a second thought, leaving an awkward silence behind her.

Spike sighed. "She's gonna be a lot harder to reform, isn't she?" Everypony winced.

“Yep.”

Gradually, conversations started to fill the room again; albeit the atmosphere was a little uneasy as Spike turned to Applejack and Pinkie with a goofy grin and AJ’s cheeks colored in response.

“Well, thanks, girls, I didn't know you cared that much about me!" AJ blushed a little more, something which did not slip the eye of a certain pink mare.

"Aw shucks. Thank ya' kindly Spike." Spike glanced up at Rarity.

"Did you help make this party for me too, Rarity?" Rarity, who was casually checking her hoof for any impurities, shot him a vague glance. "Of course, I did Spikey,” she droned monotonously. “I care about you like all the other girls!”

"Lies!"

She smiled shamelessly. “By the way, Spikey, you wouldn't mind coming over to my boutique after the party and being my pincushion, would you? I'm afraid I'm all out at the moment." Spike smiled back. "Of course Rarity! Anything for you..." AJ’s eye twitched a few times and she ground her teeth.

“That Rarity!”

It was a while before she could calm herself fully and get back into the spirit of things.

By late evening, everyone had started to leave and soon, Rarity, Applejack, Spike and Pinkie Pie were the only ones remaining. Applejack took a deep breath. Now was her chance…

“So, Spike,” she began. “Ah was wonderin' if yah'd like ta help with the applebuckin' tomorrah’…i-if yer schedules open, ‘o course.” Spike nodded eagerly, grinning, and was about to say something before Rarity cut him off.

"Oh, Spikey! Could you be a dear and carry these boxes of pastries home for me? I think we should get started on the dress-making right away!" Spike waved hurriedly to Applejack before scurrying over to Rarity as fast as his little legs could carry him.

Applejack tensed up and glared angrily at Rarity as she set off for the boutique, Spike hot on her heels. Then, the fury faded from her features to be replaced with a distinct sadness…she couldn’t blame Rarity for Spike’s crush on her.

She sighed in melancholy, lowering her gaze to the cafe floor. Why did she even bother? Pinkie, who had finished cleaning up, padded slowly up to her and sat down. When she spoke, her words were calm, rational and lucid.

"You really do have a crush on him, don't you?" she asked quietly. AJ smiled hollowly.

"Many times it feels like more than a crush,” she replied. Pinkie bit her lip, then frowned at her in confusion.

“Okay, I gotta ask…how did you get a crush on Spike of all poni - er - dragons?" AJ rolled her eyes annoyedly.

"And what in the hay is that s'posed ta mean?" Pinkie waved her forelegs frantically.

"I didn't mean it like that! It’s just…I thought that you'd go for someone more…hardworking and manly, y’know?” AJ grimaced.

“It’s kind of a long story…” She sighed as Pinkie stared expectantly at her. “It sorta started before the timberwolf incident. I mean, he was always hardworkin’, helpin' Twilight and bein' Rarity’s slave ’n all. Even goin' against his own nature ta be around us ponies! Ah guess ah can respect that.” She paused, but Pinkie twirled her hoof impatiently, motioning for her to go on. “The timberwolf thing was really bad, though. And Rarity was actually over-reactin’ 'bout the pie he made - it was pretty darn delicious! I mean, everypony has an off day from time to time so ah cut him some slack for that one. He probably woulda kept workin’ on the farm if Twilight didn't double the work he had ta do.” She sighed. “During that time, though, ah got ta know him better. We shared a few laughs and ah noticed he’s a lot stronger than he lets on. Ah ain't kiddin' when ah say he could buck a tree right down just by kickin' it! Even with his short li'l legs. Ah'd go tell him right now that ah…” she flinched and swallowed, not used to saying the words out loud “… that ah love 'im but there’s just one thing that stands in mah way…"

Pinkie instantly knew what - or who, in this case - she was talking about. “Rarity,” she said.

AJ nodded solemnly in confirmation. “Yep.” She yelped as Pinkie grabbed her face between her hooves and shook her up and down.

“Well, that just doesn't seem right!” she exclaimed. “I am Pinkamena Diane Pie: love-expert-extraordinaire! And I'm going to help you get Spike if its the last thing I do!"

AJ perked up and her eyes grew wide with hope. "Really?" Pinkie nodded happily.

“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" AJ smiled gratefully and hugged her before drawing away, frowning.

“Wait…” she said. “Ya ain’t gonna do nothin’ crazy now, right?” Pinkie giggled before scooting her out the door.

“Oh, Applejack,” she grinned. “Just trust me!”

“Ya didn’t answer ma question,” Applejack noted nervously, turning on her hoof as Pinkie shut the door. Sighing dubiously, she trotted back to Sweet Apple Acres, making sure to use the back door so that she could get to her room without having to see her grandmother or Big Mac.

Back at Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie turned to Gummy who was sitting on a nearby table. In his left nostril hung one of the strange earrings Pinkie had been playing with before the party. Said Pinkie smirked before pulling her own earring out of who-knows-where and clipping it onto her right ear.

"You ready, Gummy?" she asked.
“I’m always ready, Pinkie.”

Then, Pinkie rushed towards Gummy and the two started to perform a bizarre dance which would have thoroughly confused any onlookers. However, what happened next would have left them completely astounded. Pinkie touched her hoof to Gummy’s claw, screaming “Fusion, HAH!" as she did so and a bright light enveloped mare and gator, bathing the room in a brilliant flash. When the glow faded, all that was left was a sleeping mare.

Her face could not be seen in the darkness of the closed cafe.

Fluttershy trotted up the steps to Rainbow's bedroom. She knew she was intruding but if Rainbow was asleep, she would need to feed Tank.
“I’ll just wake her up politely…I hope she won’t be mad.” She winced, knowing that Rainbow hated missing out on parties.

When she got to the room, however, she couldn’t hold back a gasp of shock. The entire bed had been shattered to smithereens and a circular burn mark peeked out between the wreckage.

"Oh... my... I think I…fluttered.”

And with that, Fluttershy collapsed on the floor in a dead faint.

Edge, terrible shipping, and flanderization all in one package

CH.6-Rough Beginnings and the Slavish Work-Flow of Spike the Dragon

Rainbow gracefully awakened, yawning and stretching all the while. She hovered lazily upwards, expecting to faze through the clouds of her bedroom and float effortlessly into the open sky…before hitting her head on the ceiling and crashing back onto the bed.

For a few seconds, she panicked before remembering the events of the past few days. She curled up on top of the blankets and sighed contently.
"Well, this is definitely better than a cloud... Heh, guess I don't have to pummel cat-man." She frowned and looked towards the glass doors leading downstairs, a flicker of worry in her eyes. "Well, without Tank I need to work off the built-up uncool stuff somehow. Anyways, I hope that furball actually went to sleep...uh, and didn't wimp out like when I left!" She smirked pridefully. After all, it wasn’t like she cared about what happened to him or anything. “I should go check on him…just to see if I need to make him man up, of course!" She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully. Alternatively, she could just lie back and enjoy the soft, warm, comfy bed…

In the end, she decided that she needed the classic “five more minutes!” before she could fully rise from sleep. Once she was suitably awake, she flew downstairs, making sure to not hit the glass door this time.

She prowled the lower level of the house, finding nothing but the usual shoddy furniture and grand TV until she poked her head inside the kitchen. There, a human (or almost-human) lay on the ground with his tail out and wagging. His nose was tinted blue and he looked as though he were shivering. “No wonder; this place needs some heat or it's is gonna ice over!"

Rainbow laughed silently at her joke…or rather, almost silently. John’s ear twitched and his eye shot open. He jumped to his feet and swung his left hand dangerously close to Rainbow's muzzle, eliciting a yelp from the mare; there appeared to be claws protruding from his hands. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: IMAGINE THE CLAWS LIKE SABERTOOTH FROM X-MEN, TO CLEAR CONFUSION.) When he realized who he had nearly killed, he instantly retracted his claws and winced, bracing for the incoming explosion.

Rainbow simply sat on the floor, one eye twitching erratically. To say she was pissed would be an understatement. John rubbed the back of his head awkwardly with one hand.

“Heh…sorry.”

“Sorry!” Rainbow burst. “What the Tartarus was that for, huh!? I was coming down here to make sure you weren't still being wimpy and to tell you that the bed was great, but clearly, I need to show you why you shouldn't mess with me again!"

John didn't say a word but simply closed his eyes, looked to the ground, and opened his arms as if to say 'go ahead'. Rainbow’s jaw slackened in mild shock and she lowered her right forehoof to the ground.

"Oh, she's getting ready to buck me. I musta really scared her, sorry."

"H-he's accepting my threat to pummel him? He should be fighting back or at least chickening out! This guy is getting weirder and weirder..."
Rainbow shook her head scornfully. “You know what? Forget it. I-I'll just let you off with a warning this time!"
"Smooth, Rainbow."

John looked up and smiled gratefully. For a few moments, there was silence. Then his eyes widened and the smile burst into a brilliant grin.

"Oh, I did get you a case of apple cider, and some food. Food other than... 'dead squid' did you call it? It should cost the same as a punch." Rainbow's eyes widened at the sound of her favorite drink and instantly began sniffing around the kitchen like a blood-hound…the ridiculous sight left John unable to restrain a small ripple of laughter. However, he broke down completely when Rainbow found the box and downed an entire bottle in a single gulp before turning to face him. The unmistakable really? scrawled across her features did nothing to help his hysteric giggles.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up, furball. I'm sure your catnip goes nowhere in this argument." John promptly stopped laughing.

"You're right, it doesn’t,” he said, climbing to his feet and glaring at Rainbow. “And don't call me 'furball'." Rainbow rolled her eyes, crossing her forelegs in mid-air as she hovered on the spot.

"Puh-lease! You're probably as addicted to that stuff as I am to cider, halfling." John's observable eye twitched, but instead of erupting in irritation and fury, he shrugged and padded towards the fridge. He reached into the tiny opening before pulling out a delicious looking salad. He lifted into the air, offering it to Rainbow.

”W-what kind of drug is this guy on!?"

“None. I just have a longer fuse than most people. I guess it comes with the cat part of me."

"Wha? I... Grr! I need to stop speaking my thoughts!"

"Yes, yes you do." Rainbow just glared disbelievingly at John’s sly grin before he winced and coughed awkwardly.

"Uhh... you gonna take the salad or not? Also, take as much cider as you want. There's an extra case in the fridge if you need it." Rainbow instantly snapped out of her trance, grabbed the salad (along with the entire case of cider) and threw herself onto the counter with her loot.

John laughed warmly at the sight before turning back to the fridge to root through its contents. His hand emerged with…a thawed out, rotten fish and a shot glass of spoiled milk. Rainbow stared at his 'meal' disgustedly before frowning and tilting her head.

"Why are you eating... that when you just got food?” Her eyes widened. “And hang on! Didn’t you say you were broke? How did you get this stuff?” John wolfed down his 'food' before turning to Rainbow. The smile he offered her was genuine. “Well, to answer question one; all the food I got is for you. Plus, I don’t eat much; I don’t need a feast to survive, y’know. The Ramen and Hot pockets? Those are for my friends…and you, if you want any."

Rainbow’s eyes widened and for a few seconds, John thought he saw sympathy within their depths. Then, it disappeared, her composure neatly pieced together again.

Inwardly, however, Rainbow, was in turmoil. While she felt sorry for John, her pride was preventing her from doing anything about it. Pride or kindness? Pride or kindness…

In the end, her pride won out.

John continued as though nothing had happened. “And also…I feel as though you don't need to know how I got all this stuff, now do you?” Rainbow stopped chewing mid-bite.

"That... Is..." "It!
“I've had it with these dumb secrets of yours!” she snapped. “This crap about your supposed 'past' and how you're on your 'seventh life!’” Honestly! No one's past is that bad!" She hissed irritatedly and tore open another can of cider. “I mean, whadja do? Kill your mother?" Her heart almost stopped at the look John gave her. His ears dropped along with his expression. His face looked like that of a sad kitten…the ones people want to hug even when they bite and scratch.
“No…” Rainbow breathed. “You didn’t.” John flinched.

“I didn’t,” he confirmed. “See, technically... my mother killed me." Rainbow promptly spat out her cider, deeming it unimportant - something which had never happened. Ever

“WHAT!?" John flattened his ears against the volume of her scream.

"Now you know why I don't wanna talk about it! People are always so shocked the minute I even start on all of this and I don't want to be known as the one who made Rainbow Dash gosoft!" For a few moments, there was a tense silence. John was breathing hard. The cider trickling from the toppled can was the only sound penetrating the suspense. Then Rainbow chuckled uneasily

"Heh, please,” she murmured. “You'll never make me go soft!”
”Oh crap, I think I just got a soft spot for John."

"Hopefully that’ll get her to change the topic.!”

"You know, explaining to me some things about you would be nice. It doesn’t have to be about your past or anything,” Rainbow said, digging one hoof into her salad (which had lain forgotten until now). John leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms, pondering her question.

"How about this?” he decided. “You tell me something about yourself and then I'll tell you something about me. The deeper the secrets you tell me, the deeper the secrets I'll tell you. Sound good?” Rainbow raised a playful eyebrow and stroked a non-existent beard, trying to defuse the discomfort.

“Alright, I can work with that.” She grinned. “I have a pet turtle named Tank. Does that count as a secret?” John smirked.

“Not really, but hey, I can work with it. The name of my 'race' is Neko. I mean, I’m the only real one so I guess it technically doesn’t count as a race.”

“Huh?” Rainbow asked intelligently. Or, more accurately - considering that she mumbled the word around her twelfth can of cider - “HPMLLPML?” John winced and she shrugged, deciding not to press the issue. She wasn’t up to revealing any secrets deep enough to worm even a scrap significant information out of John.

"So, are any of the misfits coming over today?" John glanced questioningly at her. “Who, my friends? Nah, it's just gonna be you and me today. Maybe I can show you how the TV works and explain some other stuff about this world." Rainbow hefted herself off the counter and into the air, grinning smugly.

"Sure thing... Professor." John laughed before strolling towards the TV.

”Walked right into that one." Rainbow soared after him.

"I wonder how everypony back home is doing…”

Applejack gazed into Spike’s deep green eyes, relishing the smooth feeling of his claw gliding through her mane. She felt giddy as a school-filly.
“Spike…” she whispered.
“Silence,” the young drake breathed. “You don’t deserve to speak in my presence. That honor belongs only to the Lady Rarity.” Applejack’s eyes widened…and that’s when Spike’s charming smile fell away, his claw tearing itself away from her face.

“Applejack…Applejack. APPLEJACK!” AJ woke abruptly, only to find herself facing the scathing eyes of her incredibly angry grandmother. She yelped in surprise, leapt out of bed and fell hard to the floor, only to scoot on her rump to the furthest corner of the room.

“Well, should’a known she'd find out sooner or later."

Granny Smith sighed and the fury marring her features faded to be replaced by pathetic disappointment.
“Applejack…you slept in again. Even snuck outta the farm Big Mac tells me. Then ya' decide ta' sneak back home in the middle of the night? Ya' better tell me exactly why you're sneakin' out or you're gonna doin' nothin' but harvestin' apples for a long while!”

“I…uh..you see, well, er…” Applejack swallowed nervously and closed her eyes.
“Just get it over with.” She sighed.
“Alright,” she relented. “Guess there's no gettin' outta this now... It's gotta do with... with a guy." Granny's eyes widened and she stared at AJ in disbelief. "Ah think mah hearin's goin' out... did you just say that yer wakin' up late and sneakin' outta work is 'cause of a guy?" AJ winced, bracing for the inevitable, but it never came. Instead of piercing screams of horror, she was met with cries of joy. When she looked up, Granny was jumping up and down, shrieking in excitement. AJ continued to stare at her in disbelief until something clicked loudly in her grandmother’s back and she calmed her hysterics. "So ya' finally admit it,” she groaned, breathing hard and strenuously rubbing her upper back with one hoof. “Yer goin' out with somepony! Tell me; who's the lucky stallion?”

“Spike,” AJ blurted. Then her eyes widened and she clasped her forehooves over her muzzle in shock. She hadn’t meant to just say it like that…

Granny frowned and tilted her head to one side. “Spike? You mean that wimpy dragon-whelp-boy-thingy?" AJ instantly jumped from her bed.

"Don't you dare call mah Spike wimpy!" she snarled. Granny yelped and backed against the door in fear…before promptly remembering that she was the authority figure in the room. "Alright, alright! Wow, ya' must really be hittin' it off if yer defendin' 'im and sayin' he's yer's already!" AJ bit her lip, then looked down at the floor in sadness.

“He’s not exactly mine yet…” Granny squinted at her.

“Whad’ya talkin’ ‘bout? Go make ‘im yers, then!” AJ started as her grandmother smacked her over the head with one hoof. “Go on then!”

“I can’t!” AJ exploded.

“And just why not?”

“Because the fool only has eye's fer that bitch, Rarity."

“Now you mind your language, young filly!” Granny erupted, equally angry.

"What? She du'dn't like 'im and she treats 'im like trash, makin' 'im 'er personal butler…even a pincushion! I-it's just not fair, Granny! Why does he 'ave ta' go fer ‘er!?"

Then, Granny’s eyes widened as she saw Applejack break down for the first time in years and she could do no more than draw her granddaughter into her warm embrace.

When AJ had finally finished crying, she drew away with pity in her eyes.
“Well,” Granny said, “usually work helps vent out frustrations ’n all…but ya' don't 'ave ta' work if ya' don't want ta'."

AJ sniffled before shaking her head. Then she brightened considerably as she remembered something:
”Oh, hey, wait a minute! Spike might be comin' over ta' help!"

She hugged a surprised Granny Smith around the middle before soaring away to prepare for work.

Six hours later, however, Applejack was beginning to think Spike wasn't coming. She’d been bucking apples all day and seen no sign of the young drake. Sighing dejectedly, she lifted her hind-legs into the air…and then a voice washed over her ears, light as music. Her heart soared.

“Hey AJ, I'm here to help. Sorry for being late." Applejack's legs dropped and she whirled around to face Spike, barely suppressing a squee of excitement.
Oh my Celestia he’s here! Wait! Wait…play it cool.

"It's quite alright Spike,” she said casually. Then: “Ah’m just glad yer here!”
“Darn it! What happened to play it cool?”

However, her own nerves were forgotten in worry when she took a closer look at Spike…and realized what a mess he was.

Ebony bags hung beneath his eyes like crescent moons. His shoulders were sinking towards the ground and his ear-flaps were drooping pathetically. His skin was cracked and dry. Applejack shook her head in horror. “Oh, mah poor Spike!" "Are you alright? Ya' look as dead as a doornail!" Spike yawned tiredly.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just kinda stayed at Rarity's for longer than I thought I would." AJ bit her lip.

"How long?"

“Fifteen, maybe sixteen hours, I guess?” AJ restrained the urge to clap a hoof to her mouth as Spike tried (and failed) to pick up an apple basket. She quickly snapped out of her trance and placed a hoof on his shoulder, trying to spare him from further embarrassment.

“Why don't you tell me how things got to this point? Ya look awful.” Spike shrugged.

"It's mostly boring stuff; you wouldn't want to hear about it." Applejack wanted to howl in frustration.
”I’ll listen to anything you say. Oh Celestia, how I wish you knew that.”
"Don't worry,” she said firmly. “Maybe you’ll stop feeling so tired if ya just tell me what happened? Can’t have ya workin’, that’s fer sure.” Spike nodded his head slowly before collapsing. AJ lowered herself carefully to the ground, gazing expectantly at him. Spike sighed reluctantly.

“If you really wanna know…it all started after I left the party with Rarity..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rarity was trotting cheerily home, a dazzling smile plastered across her face, and an enormous pile of suitcases and food (commonly known as Spike) trailing close behind her. Once inside the walls of Carousel Boutique, the young dragon collapsed, allowing his burden to drop from his shoulders and onto the spotless tiles. His exhaustion was instantly forgotten, however, when Rarity turned to face him, batting her eyelids.

"Oh, you can just put those in the kitchen, Spikey-wikey. Don't forget that I need your…er… back,” she said, dangling a set of magic-enclosed pin needles in front of Spike’s face. He grinned dopily, saluted and heaved the pile into the kitchen before falling to his knees once again, breathing hard. He squeezed his eyes shut. This was it. Today was the day.

"Alright, Spike, you got this man! She's right out there and you've been preparing for this a long time. It's time to finally ask her out!" Gritting his teeth, he marched out of the kitchen and towards the mannequin Rarity was examining with her back turned to him.

“Um…Rarity?” he asked. The unicorn spun around and flashed a brilliant smile his way.
"Ah, Spike dah-ling! Could you do me a teensy-weensy little favor and get down on all fours? Oh, and try not to move." Spike cautiously obeyed and is wasn’t long before he felt the familiar sting of needles digging into his skin, finding all the cracks in his hide. A tiny whimper eased itself from his lips, something which went unnoticed by Rarity.

”C’mon! Just do it! Ask her out.”
He cleared his throat. “Rarity, I need to ask you somethi”-
Rarity sighed frustratedly.

“Not now, Spikey. I need you to stay perfectly still or the pins will fall out. Oh, and talking might shake them out so it would probably be best if you kept quiet as well."

And so, Spike shut his mouth, continuing to endure what most experts would agree to be 'physical torture'.

Three hours later, when Rarity had finally finished her dress, she stood back and marveled at her work…not even bothering to acknowledge Spike hunched over in pain just next to her. She didn’t notice as he painstakingly removed each pin from his hide, trying his best not to tear his own scales.

When he was finally done, he gathered his courage once again and opened his mouth…only to find that a chart had been thrown in his face.

“Wha”-

"Spikey, could you be a dear and clean the kitchen for me? I'd do it but I simply cannot find the time to do so!” She brought her forehoof dramatically to her forehead. Spike laughed deliriously in response, the sound a chaotic mix of hysteria, exhaustion, and blind infatuation.
“Anything for you, Rarity…”

Unfortunately for Spike, “anything” turned out to be mopping, sweeping, organizing, dusting, cleaning the bathroom, tidying up Rarity’s 'inspiration', cooking dinner, fixing a broken mannequin, cutting ribbons, feeding Opal, giving Opal a bath (otherwise known as a death-sentence), returning the books Rarity had borrowed to Twilight, trying to get the cutie mark crusaders to settle down after they had decided to have an impromptu sleepover and finally cleaning up the resulting mess they left behind after eating dinner.

And after all of that, his resolve was stronger than ever. Nothing would get between him and his love. He raced towards Rarity and stared deeply into her oceanic eyes.

“Rarity. There’s something I need to”-

“Wha? Oh, darling, you can go now!” She twirled on the spot, stopping only when her back was turned on Spike. “Goodnight, Spikey-wikey.” Spike could do nothing but stand by, dumbfounded as Rarity breezed away, probably to pray to her ‘secret’ Trenderhoof shrine.

He sighed defeatedly and returned to library…only to find that he still needed to do his own chores. He had finally finished everything only to look out the window and realize that an entire night had passed and it was now the afternoon of the next day.

"Oh buck! I promised AJ I'd help her on the farm!" And with that, he ran as fast as his stubby legs could carry him to Sweet Apple Acres.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Flashback End~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike glanced up at Applejack and was startled to realize that he had never seen such raw emotion in her eyes before. There was sympathy, frustration…anger.

AJ was MAD.

"How dare she! She's used Spike and treated 'im like trash before, but this went too far! Oh, and Spike... Oh, the poor thang, he prob'ly feels dead inside."

Applejack reached out and held Spike to her, never wanting to let go. She wouldn’t have had the dragon not tapped her awkwardly on the shoulder.

“Uhh, AJ?" She quickly let go of Spike, her cheeks as red as the apples she grew. Spike tilted his head contemplatively as she bit her lip worriedly, his eyes filled with sadness.

“What is it, sugarcube?” Applejack asked quietly.

"You know I think I understand now…why Rarity doesn't like me that way." AJ tilted her head in false confusion.

“Really? And why’s that?" Spike clenched his fist frustratedly. "Because she still thinks of me as a kid!" AJ was taken slightly aback by his answer. "What're you talking about? You’re not a kid, Spike!" Spike shook his head.

"You know that's not true.Everyone thinks I’m just a child! I’m going against my dragon nature. I can’t age…or at least look my age. You and Twilight know that. But everyone else? No dice." Applejack opened her mouth to argue, then found that she didn’t know what to say. She started as Spike snapped his claws. "But, I think I know a way I can look my age!" He grabbed AJ's shoulders and stared determinedly into her eyes, causing a light blush to decorate her features. “I need your help. Will you come with me?” AJ nodded instantly.

"Of course, Spike,” she said fervently. “Where're we goin'?"
Spike smirked and pointed into the distance.

"The Everfree forest!"

Author's Note

-Comments and Questions will be answered!
-Criticism is always welcomed!
-Thank you for reading!

Well, at least I never continued this.

CH.7-The Everfree Quest

Applejack fell to a sitting position, mouth agape and pupils overly dilated. A few uncomfortable minutes passed before Spike snapped a claw in front of her face. She shook her head and gritted her teeth as she became capable of coherent thought once more.

"H-he's kiddin' right?”

"Eheh, y-yer not serious, right sugahcube?” she asked finally. Spike puffed out his chest and smirked confidently. Applejack took that to mean he was as serious as Pinkie was about cupcakes. "What about Timberwolves?” Applejack asked desperately, “and Manticores? What if ya' fall off a cliff and die? W-what if"- Spike placed a claw on her shoulder.

"I'll be alright — thick scales, remember? Besides, manticores aren't usually hostile. And Timberwolves?" He snorted out a small jet of green fire to prove his point. "So I'm going to Zecora's to find me an age potion! You can come if you want to, but I understand if you're too scared." He waltzed carelessly over to the forest’s edge.

"Oh, don't ya' think fer ONE SECOND ah'm lettin' mah Spike go inta' tha' death-forest alone!”

She snorted and trotted up next to him, feigning a grin. "Ah ain't afraid a' nothin' in there sugarcube." Spike smiled ear-to-ear, "Aww yeah! It's AAADVENTURE TIME!" AJ giggled, albeit rather nervously, and the two set off into the rightly named 'Forest of Nightmares’.

After only an hour into their walk, the sun had been completely blotted out by twisted branches and restless leaves. Eerie noises sprouted from every tree and evil eyes watched the duo as they moved along, only to disappear at the slightest glance. Applejack was sweating like a waterfall by this point, struggling not to succumb to fear and break down completely. Spike, on the other hand, marched on through the distinct haze of rotting wood and glowing pupils, completely unperturbed.

"Oh no.”

AJ was just thinking of grabbing Spike by his tail and racing from the Everfree like a Flutterbat out of Tartarus when she saw something moving in the mist. Her pupils shrunk to pinpoints.

“Spike…” she squeaked.

“Don’t worry, AJ,” Spike grinned. “It’s probably just”-

That’s when a timberwolf leapt from the mist and pounced on him, throwing him to the ground.
“SPIKE!”

Not noticing that no real damage was being done by the timberwolf, AJ galloped up to the monster, reared back, and bucked it before it had a chance to run. The hit sent it flying, crashing to the ground a few metres away to skid along the ground. It wasted no time in climbing to its feet…before directing its attention to the Applejack. It growled, frothing at the mouth. AJ, sensing the power play, bared her teeth and snarled at the creature. Spike could almost see the flames in her eyes as the timberwolf yelped and scrambled away, tail between its legs.

AJ sighed in relief and turned swiftly to Spike, who was still slack-jawed from the display.

"Oh mah stars, are ya' alright?” she asked, not recognising Spike’s amazement through her concern. “Ya’ ain't bleedin' out are ya'? Do we need ta' get a doctor? MEDIC! MEDI-"

Spike clasped a claw over her muzzle and chuckled nervously.

"Heheh, AJ aren't you forgetting something?" He pointed to his hide for emphasis. AJ paused for a few seconds before blushing in embarrassment.

"Oh, r-right. Dragon scales 'r unbreakable." Spike's chuckle grew into a laugh and AJ eventually found herself laughing along. Spike's eyes grew wide once again,

"But holy shit AJ, that was the most epic thing I've ever seen! You were all like pyow! And then you sent the thing soaring! And then you just looked at it and it ran in fear! You must be the bravest pony in Equestria!”

Applejack’s smile complemented her apple-red blush. That little thing we call a heart was beating a little harder and faster too.

"Aw shucks, it was nothin' to it. Don't have ta' go an' worship me." He laughed at that before smirking pridefully once more.

"Well c'mon, we'd best get to Zecora's before nightfall…” he glanced up at the impenetrable tree canopy above them “…whenever that is." He began marching along the path once again.

”Uh-uh. Ain't happenin'. Ya' may have thick scales but ah can't stand watching you get remotely near hurt.”

At that, she scooped up the cocky dragon and set him down on her back. Spike grew confused and tilted his head downwards over Applejack’s head to meet her eyes. "Uh... What're you doing? Why're you making me ride you?" Applejack gazed at him seriously.

"Because, even with yer scales, yer still gonna be taken by surprise. An' ah don't wanna see ya' turned inta a chew-toy like that one time with Winona an' that spell." She shuddered at the memory and Spike silently nodded in agreement.

The silent answer sent AJ trotting once more down the eerie forest. Only this time, Spike was on her back, hugging her neck so as not to fall off... and instead of sweat, AJ’s face was plastered with a massive grin. She sighed contentedly.

"*Sigh* Ah wonder how everyone else is doin'..."

Rainbow angrily slamming her hoof down on the remote for the sixth time. John was sitting next to her on the couch, trying his hardest not to laugh. Rainbow grunted in frustration. "The buck, man? How do you expect me to use this — with my hands? Oh wait. I DON'T HAVE THOSE!"

John cackled evilly before taking the remote from her and turning it to the Saturday morning cartoons. "Well then I guess I'll just have to do it for you."

Rainbow grumbled angrily at that, steam literally rising from her head before sighing and slumping further into the couch.

Not a word was spoken between the two for hours after that…as if a silent agreement between the two had emerged as to pay tribute to the shows. Then, in the blink of an eye, The T.V instantly went to static. Rainbow facehooved.

"Are you kidding me?" She glared at John, who had an almost sickly expression.

"You mind explaining what just happened?"

John laughed nervously. "Well. Looks like my cable bill just skyrocketed,” he mumbled. He shook his head and flopped his ears. Then his eyes brightened. "But that's okay! at least it's not the”— but before he could finish the statement, the power went out. Only John’s glowing eyes were visible. A flick of his tail was the only sign of anger or frustration he displayed before he shrugged and climbed off the couch in search of some candles.

Rainbow sighed and landed on the couch. "Y'know, I'm almost used to this."

She started as a match flared and a candle flame blew into existence. She could just make out John’s smile by its light as he crawled over to her and sat down next to Rainbow. He smirked and pushed a blanket in her face.
“Hey!” She heard John’s muffled laugh through the fabric and she pushed it away from her head, wrapping it around herself. She tilted her head questioningly. John wrapped his tail around his waist and bit his lip.

"It's winter, it's night-time and we have no electricity. That means it's gonna get cold really soon. so I'd suggest you bundle up." And with that, he took his hoodie off and threw around Dash along with the blanket before climbing to his feet. Dash watched him walk away in surprise.

"But... what about you?" she mumbled, the sentence almost inaudible.

John (surprisingly) didn’t heard her. Suddenly, the silence was punctured by a loud “AHA!”

He bounced back to the couch and and threw himself into it, a water-logged, tattered book in his hands. He opened his mouth to say something, then closed it and looked curiously at Dash.

"Have you ever read The Lord of the Rings?" Dash gave him a bored book, making him sigh.

"Of course you haven't...have you ever read any books?" Dash glared jokingly at him in mock offence before laughing and turning her head to gaze at the flickering candle-flame.

"Well I've read, like, all the books of the Daring Do series." John's ears flicked interestedly as she spoke.

"What genre is it?"

Dash pondered the question for a moment before answering. "Action adventure!"

"Of course."

"Well then you'll really like this book. It's got more action and adventure than any book I've ever read!" His ears tilted downwards sheepishly. "Then again this is the only book I've ever read…” He grinned again. “But never mind that! Here, I'll read it to you." John moved a candle closer so that the words were legible and began reading it to her. Dash smiled slightly and snuggled deeper into the hoodie/blanket. "I hope my friends are having as good a time as I am..."

"Stay away from us ya' varmit!"

Applejack was running awkwardly on her hind legs attempting to hold Spike in her fore-legs; her back had been torn by brambles a little while back and she could no longer have Spike ride her without experiencing considerable pain. The sight might have been hilarious had it not been for the three timberwolves chasing her. All were significantly larger than the one they’d seen before. Spike’s eyes widened as he noticed how much closer they were getting and he squirmed in Applejack’s grasp.

“AJ let me go!" She ignored his plead. "AJ drop me! You're not gonna outrun them like this!” Said AJ was too focused on getting them the heck outta dodge.

Spike grunted in frustration before squirming his way out of her forelegs. Applejack skidded to a halt before rolling on the ground and climbing to his feet. He then ran straight towards the wolves.

“Hey! Over here motherbuckers!" All three stopped their charge to focus on Spike. The young drake wasted no time in flipping both them the double bird, causing them to froth at the mouths in anger. AJ's eyes widened in fear as the timberwolves resumed their pursuit, far more determined than before.

"Spike! No!" She began galloping over but Spike looked over to her and breathed a small wave of emerald flame across the ground in front of her, causing her to rear and stop.

She could barely hear Spike over the flames when he yelled towards her.
"Not this time AJ! Don't worry, I got this!"

On the other side of the flames, two timberwolves were circling him while a third stood still in front. Spike inhaled deeply, waited nervously for the first strike. All of a sudden, one of the wolves sprinted towards him, its jaw seemingly unhinged. As soon as it happened, Spike unleashed a jet of green fire towards it. It promptly exploded into ashes. The other two seemed mildly fazed, but they quickly pulled themselves together and simultaneously went in for the attack, rushing towards the tiny dragon. Spike, expecting this, waited for the perfect moment before dodge-rolling out of the way just in time to have the two wolves slam against each other. They collapsed on the ground, stars encircling their heads.

Spike fell to his knees as the exhaustion he had been holding off overcame his senses. The flames died down enough for Applejack to leap over them and she rushed towards him, overcome by pride and worry.

“Well ah'll be doggone, ya' did it Spike!” she said, her voice overly-cheerful. “That was amazing! Ah di'n't even know you could do those things!” Spike’s breathing was getting heavier and Applejack bit her lip as he panted, placing a claw over his chest.

“Heh heh…I guess...this makes us... e-even..." And with that, he passed out onto the ground, making AJ go into Extreme Panic Mode.

"Nonononononoo! D-don't worry, ah'll get ya' ta' Zecora's quicker than green grass through a goose!" And with that, she slung him on her back and galloped faster than she'd ever before.

In less than five minutes, a tiny clearing with a hut came into view.

"Oh, thank Celestia!"

Applejack rushed to the door and banged crazily on it. Eventually, it opened revealing a witch-doctor zebra.

“Why, hello there honest AJ, what brings you to my hut today?"

AJ swiftly jerked her head towards the conked out Spike on her back. Zecora's smile faded and she motioned for her to come inside. She quickly shut the door before taking a glass of…something… and throwing it across Spike's face, instantly waking him up.

"Huh!? wudji? Gaaah!"

And with that, he fell off AJ’s back to faceplant into the ground.

AJ winced and helped him to his feet. Zecora cleared her throat.

"Now that that has all been fixed, is there anything I may have missed?" Spike shook his head and looked at her determinedly.

"I need a potion that can show me in physical form as I am in years."

Applejack winced — he sure didn’t waste any time.

Zecora raised an eyebrow. "Ah, you wish to finally grow up? Well then I believe that you're in luck!"

She trotted off to the other end of her hut and returned with a flask of glowing golden liquid and a few abnormal articles of clothing. "I believe that this amount should do, but you must be ready for the new you.” Spike’s face was flushed in excitement as he took the clothes, which included a pair of pants, some shades for style and a jacket with the letter S on it. A question suddenly popped into AJ's head.

"Hey wait just a darned minute. Where'd ya' get these clothes anyhow? And why does that jacket got an “S” on it? How did you know Spike would be coming here.” Zecora chuckled at that. “Convenience has a subtle glory. After all, it powers half this story.”

“Wha”—? Spike shrugged, unperturbed, and put on the clothes. They were extremely baggy on him.
He then glanced at the flask, then at AJ and laughed.
“Here goes nothing!” Before Applejack could object, he lifted the flask to his lips and chugged the whole thing down before handing it to Zecora. Applejack regarded him in terror.

He looked around, seemingly apathetic, and shrugged. "I don't feel any dif-ARGH!" And with that he flopped to the ground clutching his chest in pain. A bright light exploded around him and Applejack shielded her eyes instinctively.

Once the glare had died down, she padded uneasily up to Spike as he stood up…and stared at him. He was noticeably taller than the two mares by a head, at least. "Ugh... that really…ugh…” Apparently, the potion had also affected his voice. His role could have been performed by a male actor! He looked like…uh…the author has trouble with descriptions, so have this deviantart picture:
Spike 'older'

Spike flexed his claws and looked down at the two mares before smiling broadly and punching the air.

“Yes! It worked! Oh, thank you Zecora! What do I owe you?" Zecora simply smiled at him.

"Think nothing of it, Spike the Dragon. Think of it as a gift to a dear friend." Spike smirked and nodded his thanks.

"Alright then AJ are ya' ready to... go?" AJ was still staring wide-eyed at this “new” him, drooling slightly. Spike snapped his claw in front of her face, snapping her out of her trance.

“Huh? Wha? Oh, Spike! Ya' look mighty fine now!" She offered him a massive, nervous smile which seemed to work on the oblivious Spike. He started as Zecora handed him what appeared to be a bottle of deoderant.

“What’s this for?” he asked.

“Be weary of harsh attacks — we would not want your bones to crack.” Zecora smiled widely.

“Some sort of Timberwolf repellant?” Applejack asked. The zebra nodded and she smiled gratefully. “Thank ‘ya kindly, Zecora,” she said. She jerked her head towards the door. “‘Ya comin’, Spike?”

Spike finished spraying himself with repellant before setting the empty canister on the counter. Then, without warning, he lifted Applejack into his arms. She yelped, ignoring Zecora’s sniggers.

"W-what in tarnation is this for?" she asked, blushing furiously. Spike laughed. "Well, you carried me most of the way to Zecora's while I was unconscious, so it's only fair I carry you
back, right?" AJ considered protesting…but she couldn’t quite bring herself to. As they set off, she unconsciously (and somehow without Spike noticing) snuggled into his chest and took a nice little nap.

Author's Note

-Comments and Criticism are always welcomed!
-Any questions you have I'll answer!
-Thank you for reading!
-Picture by ss2sonic

At least I tried rewriting this chapter when I was 14...

CH.1-A Day of Normality

Rainbow Dash was having a good day. Scratch that: an awesome day.

She had been allowed off her Wonderbolts duty of mopping all the floors for the day, nothing was trying to take over Equestria or ruin friendships, and to top it all off; there was no wind or bad weather to screw up her chance to practice some epic tricks and stunts to try in the next airshow.

The way she saw it, the only thing that might halt her progress were fans wanting autographs. Not that she minded; she'd welcome an ego stroking anytime. She was in the middle of a Triple Aileron Roll when she heard a voice shouting louder than the fans in her head were.

"Rainbow." No answer. "Rainbow!" She was purposefully ignoring her now. "RAINBOW DAAASH!" Dash, caught off-guard from the loudness of the unknown entity's voice, hurriedly landed gracefully; a feeling of annoyance festering in the back of her mind.

She glanced towards the voice and tucked her wings to her sides, noticing that the voice belonged to her friend, Twilight Sparkle. Unfortunately, it seems Princess Luna had taught her how to use the 'Royal Canterlot Voice©'. She shook her head, ridding herself of any further anger.

"Uh - hey, Twi'. 'Sup?" she said with a smirk, seeming to keep calm and collected. "Damn it, I was about to perform the coolest stunt!" Twilight's features slipped from the irritated face she'd made into a smile faster than Pinkie could inhale cake.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash! I just came to ask for your help with some...stuff.” Rainbow tilted her head and squinted her eyes in confusion. "Why would she come to me for help with egghead stuff?"

“Um, yeah, no thanks. Why don't you go ask one of the others? They'd be more than happy to help you with your egghead stuff, math and books just aren’t my style." Twilight raised an eyebrow.

"Actually, you’re the only one I can ask besides Applejack,” she said.
Rainbow groaned as Twilight began to rant in rhythm with her waving hoof. “Pinkie's working at Sugarcube Corner, Rarity is filling in a big order and Fluttershy is on a date with Discord.” She frowned. “Actually, I haven’t even asked Applejack yet! For all I know, she's most likely flirting with”-

Suddenly, Pinkie Pie spontaneously materialized in front of Twilight causing both her and Rainbow to yelp.

“FOREVER!" Pinkie screeched.

She then faded from existence and reappeared at Sugarcube Corner.

Twilight swallowed nervously. “Um - Apples! She's flirting with apples, heh-heh...” Twilight said, eyes shifting left and right above an oversized smile.

Rainbow smirked, raising an eyebrow. "Oh, AJ, when I find out who it is; you better be ready extreme humiliation!" She shook her head. Right now, she needed to find a reason to say she couldn't help Twilight.

“Well, uh I can't help 'cause I've got... Wonderbolt duties!” she began, starting to ramble. “Yeah, I mean there's just so much stuff that needs to be done there, so, yeah, uh - see ya!” She promptly catapulted herself into the air, only to be slammed back to the ground by a magical-purple-aura-bubble-thing.

“Alright then, you leave me no choice." Twilight said slyly, ignoring Rainbow’s pained groans. She then looked directly at Rainbow with huge eyes and a wobbly lip.
"Will you pleeaase help me?"

The scene was too much for Rainbow and it showed as her eye was twitching uncontrollably.
"*Sigh* Okay... I'll help..."

Twilight then grew a smug look and with it, Rainbow knew that she had lost all chances to get away. She stuck her tongue out as Twilight winked, then teleported to her castle, leaving behind a defeated Rainbow.

"Buck."

~MEANWHILE ON EARTH~

... wait what?

...
...
Knock-knock-knock.

"Nngh..."

This is John, the man who is currently sleeping to avoid answering the door. John is your average person, he's got a backstory, a character, and a way-of-life, however he has this one tiny detail about him that separates him from any other person: He's half cat. He's got the ears, tail and a few other things, but otherwise he's human. A better term for what he is could be simply: Neko, the Japanese word for 'cat' but known to anyone who watches anime as a person who's half-cat half-human. (What? Were you expecting him to be dark and edgy or mysterious and 'misunderstood', or maybe one-sided and extremely overpowered? No way, those just aren't quality character traits for OCs anymore.)

Knock-knock-knock.

"Mmmaauugh... five more minutes; dad hasn't even made the catnip yet..." he mumbled, rolling over on his bed whilst swishing his tail at the thought of said item.

KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK. DING-DONG!

John bolted upright; the sound of his doorbell ringing really wasn't something he wanted to hear right now. He groaned and rubbed his eyes which were bloodshot from deprivation. Furry ears arched backwards as his alarm clock decided to join in on the torturous fun, beeping cheerily while the numbers ‘9:00’ flashed across its screen.

"Auugh... I'm up, I'm up! Don't need to rub it in," John slurred groggily. Reluctantly, he dragged himself out of bed.

He slowly dressed himself in his usual white hoodie and blue jeans, then did all the other things normal people did when they woke up, taking his time as he did so. He stumbled his way to the door and peeped through the keyhole as the knocking increased to an infuriating pace, only halting to give way to the occasional screech of the doorbell. He froze when he saw an unknown person at his doorstep.

Immediately, he tucked in his tail and slipped his hood over his head, making sure to cover his ears... before cautiously opening the door.

"Ah, finally! I was beginning to think you weren't home. Now... where's your rent?"

John swallowed nervously. The man was obese, sporting a top hat and monocle accompanied by a brown suit and tie. A matching goatee and a devious smile coated his features. John just offered him a confused grin while trying his best not to nod back off to sleep.

"SIR!"

John jumped back slightly as the man's voice jolted him from his thoughts.

"W-wha~?"

The man hissed in irritation. "You know why I'm here, correct?"

John tilted his head dazedly, not realizing what was going on.

The man in front of him was his landlord. He was here to collect a long-overdue payment...and he didn't seem to have any patience. Not knowing who the man was, John tried to shoo him away:

"Sorry, this ain't McDonald's; try down the block," he said tiredly.

The landlord went aghast at the comment, and instantly lost any sign of false cheeriness.

“Look. I'm not in the mood for disgusting low-lifes like you. So give me the 50 grand you owe me and I won't have to mortgage your house. AGAIN."

John, finally snapping out of his tired state, managed to finally understand the problem that had unfolded before him and twitched his tail under his shirt instinctively as a way of showing frustration. "Oh crap not this, not now..."

For sneaking out of paying bills, he owed $50,000 to this rich snob. Unsurprisingly, all he had was about $40, and let's just say that he was not looking forward to being stuck on the street again. At that moment his pupils turned extremely microscopic.

He bit his lip as the man tapped his wristwatch impatiently.
"Uhh... c-could you maybe give me a little more time?" he stuttered. He was clearly afraid and the landlord knew it.

Said landlord was clearly not amused... though that would be an understatement. "A deal?” he spat. “Where do you think you live, Las Vegas? You cannot gamble your way out of this again!"

John stepped back, cowering in fear as the landlord leaned forward intimidatingly. 'God he's big...' "Give me the money. Now."

John looked around for anything that could save him from this situation. Th-there's no way I'm getting out of this one, am I? One of his ears twitched in fear and he instantly brightened as an idea formed, before making him shift uncomfortably from the thought of it.
Is there really no other way? He looked back at the landlord who had been staring at him the whole time gave an irritated growl.

He sighed."Guess I have no other choice..."
He proceeded to drop to his knees and stare up at his landlord with the most pitiable expression he could muster -- which was perfected being what he was.

"Pwease, sir? At weast a few more days? Pwetty pwease?" The scene was too much for the businessman and John grinned inwardly. He had become putty in his paws...er...hands.

"I-uh... F-fine," he grunted. "I'll give you two more weeks but that's it. Once your time is up, you’d better have the cash...or you'll get taken out with the trash!" John nodded vigorously as the landlord stormed away... probably to go and be with other rich snobs to do other rich snobby things.

As soon as he had disappeared from his line of sight, John closed the door and sighed, letting his tail run free and taking his ears out from under their hood. Since he was now too awake to go back to sleep, he strode to the kitchen to grab a bite. He opened the fridge, trying to decide what he should eat; box of stale ramen, instant mac and cheese, cans of soup… basically items that would make a homeless shelter seem like a five star restaurant.

He settled for a rotten fish sitting behind it all, silently wishing that he wasn't a freak so he could fix his shoddy lifestyle. But he knew that would never happen, and it was with no small distress that he threw himself into the hard cushions of his beaten-up, fur-ridden couch.

He closed his eyes and sighed melodramatically, rubbing his temples.

"Well, might as well see what's on today," he yawned, flipping on the HBO™ channel to find a commercial blaring across the screen. He was poor, but luckily the only four friends he had who knew about his...predicament had won him an epic 78' TV in a lottery, along with a lifetime subscription to HBO™.

He sat up straight and frowned as a commercial ended and a show he'd never seen before started playing.

“Huh. This is new...I’ll have to tell Elijah about this," he thought, chuckling. "He'll probably go into a rant about where this 'universe' is and all that other egghead stuff."

Then, he allowed his brain to switch off as he began to watch some reruns of (what else but) MLP.

~A PROLONGED AMOUNT OF TIME LATER~

“Huh. Not bad.”

That was all John could say after finishing his little MLP marathon... though in truth, he was mentally pinning Equestria at the top of his ‘places to survive’ list(It's a very short list).

Suddenly there was a knock at the door and John jumped off the couch. He padded silently to the keyhole and grinned, happy to see his friends and not an obese Scrooge McDuck. He didn't bother to put hide anything and quickly opened the door.

"Hey wassup, John?" The guy behind the voice was tall, most definitely the tallest of the five there. He sported a green shirt with ‘PEWDIEPIE’ scrawled across the front and red sports shorts...which was odd because it was winter. He was African-American with a scruffy Mexican mustache accompanied by red buzz-cut hair.
Name: Daniel

"Yeah, we just thought we'd come to check in on you, dude.” This guy was about the size of John, but slightly shorter. A red under-shirt peeked out from beneath his black biker jacket which fell over even darker jeans. Earmuffs hugged his ears without preventing a streak of deep blond hair from falling over one side of his face. There was also a guitar strapped to his back.
Name: Liem

“Well -- actually -- I require some more data for my work. Would you care if I ran some experiments? I assure they won't injure you like last month." The speaker was the shortest there and dressed in a brown overcoat and black sweatpants. A scarf adorned his neck, swinging over a white t-shirt. His brown hair was sticking out all over the place, even going so far as to fall over his glasses.
Name: Elijah

“Thanks guys, I'm doing same as usual,” John said gratefully. “And sure, Eli, you can run your tests.” He peered at the girl standing next to Liem. “ So how’re you doing?” She smiled.

“Oh! Hi John.” The girl was small, almost as small as Elijah. Long, blue hair flowed over her back and small wisps of it floated across her freckly face. Her hands were hidden in the sleeves of her blue sweater and one foot was tucked behind the leg of her sweatpants. She was wearing earmuffs like Liem, who had suddenly become the subject of her dreamy-eyed stare. Everyone happened to notice this and John took action first.
“Uh...you okay?”

She blinked as she realized that everyone was staring at her. A blush spread across her features before she stumbled over her next words, trying desperately to save herself from further embarrassment. “Oh! Y-yeah, I’m fine.” She tilted her head curiously. “By the way, John...are you running through our names like we’re in a spy movie?”
Name: Cherry.

“Whaaa...” Cherry’s blush deepened and she shook her head.

“Oh...um...n-never mind,” she squeaked. She rubbed the back of her head nervously and bit her lip in concern. “We just stopped by to see how you were doing... Oh! And to give you some cat-nip, you look like you need it.”

John grinned almost maniacally.
"Sweet! I ran out just yesterday; can't thank you enough,." He greedily grabbed the bag, tore it open and began scoffing its contents. "Oh, come on in guys it's getting pretty cold out there." He spoke, muffled.

"Hmm... I think she's right, you look worse than usual. What’s got you in a mess?" Daniel asked, plonking himself on the couch next to John, who swallowed nervously.

“Uhh...yeah, about that. I-I've been avoiding telling you guys 'cos I wanted to do this on my own. But...apparently I owe my landlord a shit-load of money and I only have two weeks to come up with the it.”
“How much?” Liem asked, pulling out his guitar and sitting down next to Daniel. John chuckled nervously as Liem began playing.
“...Fifty grand.”

The measuring tape wrapped around his ear crashed to the ground as Elijah fell backwards in shock, Daniel grew wide eyed with his mouth agape, Cherry gasped covering her mouth and Liem’s melody degraded into an audible twang. The sound was extremely off key and John’s ears flattened themselves over his head, enticing a “Fascinating!” from Elijah despite his shock. Cherry glared at him: not a good time.

There was nothing but awkward silence for the next few minutes.

“S-sweetie?” Cherry finally stammered out, “Even if we all pitched in all of our money, I don't think it would be enough to pay it off. I’m so, so sorry...but I don’t think we can help you.” Her face crumpled; clearly, she didn’t like the idea of her friend living in an alley... again.

John rubbed the bridge of his nose in distress as Liem scrambled frantically for a way to fix the problem in any way possible, and Eli just nodded his head in shame and continued his research.

Daniel was the one who finally spoke; "Hey, man, if worst comes to worst, I can prob'ly hook you up with my garage. I think I got a spare bed in there, y'know?” Daniel grinned. Cherry smiled weakly in return and John murmured his thanks whilst Liem breathed a sigh of relief.

Liem proceeded to put an arm around Cherry giving a cheeky smile causing her to blush, causing John and Daniel to laugh at the display.

“Anyway! You mentioned something I'd be interested in?" Elijah interjected bluntly, comically rising from the floor between Cherry and Liem, ruining the moment.

Cherry glared at him as John sat up excitedly.
"Oh, yeah! I think I found something for... whatever weird experiment your doing,” he said, causing Eli to glare at him and say;
"It's not weird! It's inter-dimensional travel!"

John ignored him and leaned forward, grabbing the remote and switching on the TV. Immediately, a newly recorded episode of MLP materialized on the screen and Daniel gasped. ”Bro, You watch MLP?” he asked excitedly. “And here I thought I was the only one!” Everyone stared at him confusedly with the exception of John, who laughed heartily and nodded.

After watching the recorded episode, ‘Pinkie Pride,’ everyone who had been confused instantly showed signs of enjoying the show -- except for Liem who slept through the entire thing. Elijah was acting like a giddy school-girl, blabbering on about how extraordinarily amazing it was. As John had suspected he would, he had fallen in love with the series in less than ten minutes into the episode and an in-depth conversation about it's ‘universe’ happened after it ended.

John could only raise an eyebrow when Elijah started defying physics, pulling charts and graphs out of thin air. He simply shrugged and returned to his ‘food’; he was more far more interested in the catnip than Elijah's miracle-working.

All the while, Daniel had been listening to their conversation; wanting to know where the universe of his favorite show was.
Cherry had fallen asleep on Liem's shoulder and him on her head. The scene could only be described as ‘cute’.

A few hours later, John found that he had scoffed the last of his catnip and he stood up, stretching luxuriously. A massive grin spread across his face.
“Who's up for a few drinks?”

“Great. Looks like instead of helping her with egghead work, I’m going to be her test subject.”

A series of similar, fuming thoughts fired across Rainbow’s mind as Twilight babbled on about how she needed to work on perfecting her teleportation spell. As it turns out, Applejack had not been flirting with apples and stood nervously in a corner with Spike as Twilight droned on about graphing the equation of x plus y times z equals blah-blah-blah: MATH.

Luckily, Rainbow managed to sleep through most of her rant, waking up just in time to see Twilight gazing at her expectantly. She sighed.

“Alright, let's get this over with,” she grumbled.

“That’s what I want to hear!” Twilight exclaimed. “If I can perfect this spell, who knows how far we’ll be able to travel in less than 3.15 seconds!”
She turned away from Rainbow. “Now! AJ, Spike, you might want to step back."

Spike obeyed and eagerly backed up against the wall while Applejack...uh...

"Yo, Applejack, y'alright?" Spike asked, tilting his head in confusion. The Earth pony was staring dreamily in his direction; she hadn’t heard a thing. Rainbow grinned evilly before shaking her head and dashing up to her, waving her forehooves rapidly in front of her eyes.

Suddenly, she snapped out of it.

“Oh...er...right. Back Spike. I mean Spike back.” She groaned. “Step back! Y-yeah, that’s it.” She blushed lightly before scooting towards the back wall, pointedly ignoring Spike’s quizzical stare. Rainbow could see the relief in her eyes as she silently thanked Celestia that a certain dragon hadn’t noticed her behavior.
Rainbow snickered quietly to herself. "Oh, do I have some teasing to do!"

She got into position as Twilight prepared her spell, getting ready to teleport her... somewhere in Equestria. She had no idea what went on in that mare's mind. Probably books.

Sparks flew into view as Twilight, looking extremely constipated, gathered a ball of purple magic at the tip of her horn. Then, before Rainbow could react, she sent the ball soaring straight towards her.
"WHAT THE"-
Rainbow yelped and closed her eyes as the magic surrounded her and smoke billowed from her form, concealing her.

Spike and Twilight looked on in terrified awe and Applejack snapped completely out of her Daydream-Which-Shall-Not-Be-Mentioned-To-The-Public to stare at the scene.

“Rainbow?” Twilight whispered.

“Well, I'm pretty sure it didn't work,” came the satirical reply. Everypony sighed in relief as the smoke dissipated.

“Oh, thank Celestia you’re okay!” Twilight exclaimed, rushing forward and throwing her forelegs around Rainbow’s neck. Rainbow opened her mouth to say something sarcastic, but was interrupted as Twilight suddenly drew away from her.

“H-hang on! This is impossible! All my spells work to some extent 100% of the time!" she yelled, luckily not in her 'royal Canterlot voice.' Applejack shrugged.

"Well Twi', guess this is a first. Sorry for the waste a' time, Rai...” was all Applejack managed to get out before Twilight angrily shot about ten more spells towards Rainbow, each having as little effect as the first. Rainbow glared at her as the smoke cleared once again before Twilight finally sighed in defeat...and began showing signs that she probably hadn't slept in days. Spike was the first to notice and rushed to help the purple alicorn to her hooves. He turned to Applejack and Rainbow.

"You girls should probably go,” he said tiredly, biting his lip as Twilight fainted in his arms. “Twi's probably gonna have a mental breakdown when she wakes up, and I'm pretty sure you don't want deal with that."

Rainbow nodded in agreement, and started flying out the door. Applejack followed suit, before stopping and turning to Spike. Rainbow glanced behind her to see that she was slightly flustered.

“Uh... sugahcube?” A.J stammered. “A-are 'ya gonna be free tommorah? Er - it’s just that...” Her ears pricked up in the way they always did when she got a bad idea. “Pinkie’s really missed 'ya and wants to throw ‘ya a...as ah reckon she's callin' it...a 'thank Celestia 'ya got a day off party'!” she babbled. She bit her lip and looked around wildly hoping he believed her. Rainbow smirked; Applejack had it bad if she was lying.
Spike, completely oblivious, chuckled.

“Heh-heh! Oh, that Pinkie. Always trying to cheer us up. Yeah, I’ll definitely be at Sugarcube Corner around noon. Unless its a 'surprise' party,” he said, winking. His face shifted from mock confusion to glee. "Ooh, will Rarity be there?" he asked hopefully.

This sole sentence visibly tore Applejack apart, even though she and everypony in Ponyville already knew about Spike's supposed 'secret crush'. Rainbow’s smirk slid from her face. She had been watching the whole scene like it was nothing more than a film, wishing that she had some popcorn to accompany her entertainment. Until now, that was...she didn't want her friend hurt any more than she already was.

"Yeah she'll be there,” Applejack said dejectedly. She glared at him. “And so will the rest of us, so big deal if she's there if 'ya ask me!"

“We’d better get going,” Rainbow said sharply, grabbing Applejack by the tail and flying her forcefully out of the castle before Spike could notice the sadness in a certain Earth pony’s eyes.

After a few minutes of gloom, Applejack finally shook herself from her state and told Rainbow that she'd be fine...meaning that Rainbow no longer felt obligated to stay with her. Applejack had outright refused to confess to her crush on Spike though.
"This doesn't mean I'm not gonna tease her about this."

As she soared towards her practice spot, she realized that Twilight’s escapades and Applejack’s miniature therapy session had taken up almost the entire day. So she sighed and changed direction, heading towards her home in the clouds.

As Rainbow let out a yawn and closed the door behind her, a floating, shelled creature flew up to her and lightly bumped her back. “Oh, Hiya Tank!” she said delightedly, turning to face him. “Did you miss me? Aw, 'cos I missed you!"

Said creature was actually her pet tortoise, Tank. She reserved a sweet side for him that she shared with nopony else. Otherwise, she'd lose her awesomeness status. At least, that’s what she thought would happen.

“Turtle noise!” Tank replied happily, bobbing his head up and down slowly.

"Aw, seems like you had a busy day! Let me get that propeller off ‘ya so we can both...” she yawned “...go to beddy-bye." She removed Tank's propeller and gently placed him in his cage. It didn’t take long for him to fall into a deep sleep.

Rainbow gazed at him with a tired smile. This was the only time she could allow herself to be soft: with her pet and with her pet only. So she had figured that since her 'soft time' was so short, she could turn the mushiness up to full throttle whenever she was alone with Tank.

After a few drowsy minutes, she floated up the stairs and (too tired to care about the mess of twisted sheets) flopped onto the end of her bed and curled into a ball, drifting into her usual dream of kicking changeling flank...

It was only an hour later when a purple aura began to surround her. A very spell-like purple aura. It grew ten times bigger before halting in its progress with a slight hum, barely fazing Rainbow; the master of heavy sleeping. Then, as suddenly as it had appeared, the aura closed in on her and disappeared...

Along with Rainbow Dash.

John woke from an abnormal, but peaceful night's sleep.

His friends had decided to play a drinking game. It was nearing Christmas, so it was decided that every time a character wore the Santa hat which was placed on the corner of the TV, everyone took a shot. Let's just say that it happened a lot.

John, completely hungover, had passed out on the couch with his tail swaying in...delight? Everyone was too plastered to tell. His friends, nice as they were, had tucked him into bed where he'd just woken up to the warmth of his blanket, the soft light of morning sun...and the comforting feeling of a pet sleeping at his feet.

"Waitaminute."

John didn't have a pet; he thought it would be inhumane being what he was. So what on earth...

He leaned forward, trying to see just what it was that was occupying the space at his feet, but could only make out a blob of cyan. In case it was an animal, he slipped silently from his covers, careful not to make any noise, and tip-toed to the foot of his bed to get a good look at what...it was.

What he saw shocked him, but not as much as one might think; he'd seen weirder stuff.

Before him was a horse... no, a mare. Her fur was the color of the sky, her mane a blazing rainbow. She could be no bigger than a human child. His eyes widened...he couldn’t stop staring.
"Is she an alien? Nah, she's probably something created by necromancy or something."

He zeroed in on her sleeping face, looking for any signs of necromantic runes on her muzzle. Unfortunately, this meant that Rainbow woke very suddenly to a very frightening hooded figure staring intently at her face. Under any other circumstance, she'd immediately start blaming Twilight for using magic on her.
But instead, she simply screamed, reared and bucked John into a nearby closet. Then, scared...no, annoyed, she backed up against the far end of the bed where it met the corner wall. And so, it was out of ‘annoyance’ that she spoke at the same time as John:

"What the hell!?"
"What the Tartarus!?”

Author's Note

Hope you like it! Criticism and comments are always welcomed!
~quick note, yes I know your sort-of just thrown in on John's side of things but I'm honestly not good at story beginnings... never gotten an 'A' on any essay because of that...