Strange Angel
Being dead sucks.
It’s way worse than being broke. When you have no bits, the only way for your bank account to go is up. It’s not like that when you die. After you pop your horseshoes, the only stuff you own is what’s in your head. And if you’re carrying a lot of personal baggage, it can take a long time to leave it behind.
Sometimes ponies need a helping hoof with that baggage, but I’ll get to that later.
First, let me tell you what got me my new job as an angel.
It took a long time for me to stop screaming before I died. It took even longer afterwards. I remember being curled up like a newborn foal when I first arrived in the afterlife, sobbing between the screams.
Soon afterward, he appeared. Since everything was a dark grey around me, I almost didn’t see his ten black toes. (It’s not often a pony sees toes, except on dragons like Spike.)
“Hello, Rainbow Dash,” he said in a deep but friendly voice.
I looked up at a giant black jackal standing on forward-bending rear legs. He wore a golden tunic and not much else. Gold bands decorated his long black dreadlocks. When he knelt down, I noticed he had golden eyes.
Holding out a large ten fingered hand, he said, “Welcome to the afterlife. I’m very sorry about what happened to you.”
Returning the handshake, I asked, “How do you know me? How do you know how I died?”
“I know how everyone dies. It’s part of my nature.” He sat cross-legged in front of me. “There’s something you should know about who killed you.”
Pinkie Pie . . .
Both memories and tears came back full force. I shrieked, “What is wrong with her? Why did Pinkie kill me?”
“Your friend is not what she seemed to be. It wasn’t really her that murdered you.”
I had to sit down, suddenly feeling dizzy. “What are you talking about?”
“It was Nightmare Moon who was in control of Pinkie Pie.”
Shaking my head, I growled, “No! Uh-uh! She’s still on the moon. Nightmare Moon’s not supposed to be back in Equestria for a least another week!”
“Rainbow . . .”
“Maybe Pinkie’s having another depresso case relapse. You should see what she looked like when she thought we weren’t her friends anymore.”
“I know it’s hard to understand, but it’s the truth. Nightmare Moon reached down from the moon, took control of your friend and made her abduct and torture you to death.”
I slumped to the ground, groaning. “Is Nightmare Moon going to make Pinkie kill anyone else?”
“Thankfully, no. In the time it took for you to arrive here, Pinkie has since freed herself from Nightmare Moon’s control.”
I had to smile at that news. “Ha! I knew Pinks would kick Nightmare Moon’s ass! I bet Pinkie’s telling Twilight what happened, right?”
His tall, pointed ears went flat against his shaking head. “I’m sorry, Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie tried to end the mind control with attempted suicide. She jumped off of a bridge and broke her back instead. Nightmare Moon can’t use a crippled slave, so Pinkie’s mind is her own now.”
He patted my shoulders. “I’m afraid Pinkie now knows she killed you. Soon all of Equestria will know as well.”
I choked back another rush of tears. “Oh, crap. Poor Pinkie. Can you tell me what’s going to happen to her?”
“I can’t see into the future. However, I can tell you that a pony that’s examining your body recognizes the methods used to end your life. He may be useful in fighting Nightmare Moon in the days to come.”
“How does this guy know how I died?”
“Because his family used to kill ponies in the same way Nightmare Moon killed you.”
My eyes bulged out. “What? You mean, recently?”
He waved that notion away. “No, of course not. This all happened a thousand years ago.”
“Oh, during Nightmare Moon’s rebellion against Princess Celestia.”
“Exactly. Oh, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself.” He stood up. “My name is Anubis. I am the god of the afterlife. Or underworld, if you prefer.”
“I don’t want to seem rude or anything, but why aren’t you a pony? This is the place where ponies go when they die, right?”
“Yes, you’re in the right afterlife. I was put in charge of this place when my previous employment went belly-up.”
“Who hired you?”I asked.
“Princess Celestia.”
I waited for a punch line until I saw that he was being fully serious. “You aren’t kidding, are you?”
“It only sounds like a lie, but it might not be so hard to understand once you know a little secret about alicorns and the dead.”
“Every filly knows that Nightmare Moon wants to bring the dead back from, well, this place. She thinks that a world of eternal night and living ghosts will be an eternal blissful paradise.”
“Only Nightmare Moon has that power, thankfully. Celestia can’t bring back the dead, but she can talk to them. That was how she found me.”
I scratched my head. “I don’t get it. How did you end up here?”
“Every reality has its own afterlife. Since spirit realms are more magic based than even living realms, they have a lot more connections with each other. When one underworld touches another, it creates a door that anyone connected with the dead can walk through. Being unemployed for centuries can give one a powerful wanderlust, so I wandered into this place on a whim.”
“I guess Celestia was super busy raising the sun and moon and needed someone like you to keep watch over this place. Especially with Nightmare Moon being a threat.”
“Exactly. There are other problems here besides her, as well.”
“I just wish I could go back and help kick Nightmare Moon back to where she belongs.” I blinked and gasped. “Oh, crap! My Element of Harmony! Somepony’s going to have to use that thing to help do just that!”
Anubis held up a hand. “Calm down. Celestia is far wiser than any living pony knows. She’ll find a repla . . . substitute soon.”
I sighed. “You don’t have to soften the blow. I know I can’t help anyone now.”
“Wrong.”
My ears pricked up. “Huh?”
“The land of the dead is much larger than the land of the living. Much like Princess Celestia, I can’t resolve every problem myself. That’s why I need agents to help the many millions of people in this realm. Angels, if you prefer.”
“I just wish I could help Pinkie. I bet she feels so lonely right now.”
“No one is ever truly alone, Rainbow Dash. Not if they don’t want to be.”
“Are you sure I can’t just tell her that I love her and that I now know it wasn’t really her that murdered me? Maybe I could visit her dreams or something?”
“Only ghosts that wander the land of the living can do that. Those poor souls can only observe life, which they can never be a part of again, race past them. That is a fate no sane soul would ever want.”
I dragged a hoof into the grey soil. “So now I have to wait until she dies before I can tell her anything?”
Anubis nodded. “That seems to be the case for now. Walk with me, please.”
“Let me ask you something, Anubis. Why would you want to work here?”
He said, “In my glory days, millions of followers worshipped me. My job was to pass judgment on mortal souls.” Anubis held out a long white ostrich feather that didn’t exist a moment ago. “I used to put this on one end of a scale. On the other end, I would place the mortal’s heart . . .”
“EWW!”
Anubis rolled his eyes. “Show some respect, please. As I was saying, the heart was weighed against the feather known as Ma’at or ‘the truth’. If the heart was light and pure, I granted the blessed mortal passage to Duat, the realm of the dead. If the heart was heavy with dark deeds and thoughts, however, the soul was devoured by Ammit.”
“What’s an Ammit?”
“She was a demon who was part lion, hippopotamus and crocodile.”
“How can a ghost get eaten?”
Rubbing his temples impatiently, he said, “Because religion. It’s what was believed at one time.”
“And that’s all you did day and night? Weigh hearts against a feather of truthiness and feed bad guys to a teleportation-accident monster? That seems worse than a retail job.”
He shrugged. “What I did was important, however boring it seemed at times. Anyone with any self-respect needs to feel needed. Hence my current job.”
The feather winked out of sight.
“You mentioned using agents. If you were my new boss, what would you have me do?”
Anubis smiled. “Well, that depends on your skills.”
I flapped my wings and hovered around him. “Oh, man! You want skills? I’m the fastest pegasus you’ll ever see! Watch this!”
Beating my wings three times a second, I gained a half mile of altitude in no time flat, whipping past grey clouds. Oh, yeah. This is what I needed. After what happened to me, I needed a good fly to help mellow me out.
Soon I was past the clouds while spinning cartwheels and making looping dives. I could almost forget where I was if it didn’t seem like night in a graveyard in this part of Anubis’s world.
Another pony flew up next to me and said, “Nice speed, slowpoke.”
Glowering, I whirled around to get a look at the smartass.
He was a light brown pony. An earth pony. Who then shot past me like a comet.
I stopped and hovered, my jaw hanging open as he zipped away laughing.
“What’s going on here?” I asked the surrounding clouds.
“You now live in a world of ghosts,” said Anubis as he floated up next to me like a balloon. “The laws of physics in your old life are simply guidelines here. “
I pointed at the brown speck in the distance. “Are you saying any pony can fly like that?”
“There are no inferiors or superiors here, Rainbow. At least not as far as physical prowess is concerned. I hope that speed isn’t your only talent.”
“Well, no. Thank Celestia for that. I’m good with kids. There’s this filly named Scootaloo that I try . . . tried to help.”
“What did Scootaloo need help with?”
“She wants to fly as fast as me someday. Her wings are a bit too small, though. I’ve been giving her pep talks and training to get those wings to work, though. Scoots is going to be awesome someday.”
I looked down at my hooves, into the darkness below.
“That’s another friend I have to leave behind. It . . .it just occurred to me that I have to let go of everypony I ever knew. Everything I ever knew.”
Before I knew it, Anubis had wrapped his arms around me. I really needed that because a second wave of tears was about to show up.
Being dead seriously sucks.
When I stopped crying and calmed down, Anubis broke off the hug and looked me in the eyes. “I don’t need the feather to tell that your heart is as light as can be. You still want to help ponies whenever you can, right?”
“Well, yeah! Helping others always made me feel better. I could use a boost right about now, so do you know anypony that could use my help?”
He rubbed his chin and thought. “There is a mare that arrived recently. She won’t talk to anyone. Not even me. Maybe she’ll talk to you.”
“Well, lead the way, boss. I look forward to meeting her.”
* * *
He led me past the grey clouds into brighter surroundings while flying as fast as that earth pony. I thought I was going to get exhausted following him. When I thought that, I shook my head and grumbled. You’re dead, dummy. Ghosts don’t get tired. Better get used to that.
Anubis asked, “Are you feeling a little better, Rainbow?”
“Yeah. Whenever I needed to blow off some steam, a good fly around Ponyville calmed me down.”
“That’s good. Every pony that comes here gets the urge to vent their frustrations eventually. Flying at these speeds is a popular method to calm down. One must find a way to find inner peace eventually since the three big motivators of life are lost to us here.”
“Okay, I’m curious. What are those motivators?” I asked.
He checked off the list with his fingers. “Sex, wealth and food. Every living pony craves these things sooner or later.”
I couldn’t deny that. I could eat a ten pound plate of hay fries in one sitting. As for the other cravings? Well, I’ve warmed more than one set of bed sheets and I’ve spent more than a few bits on lottery tickets.
The list of people and pleasures I’ve had to now turn away from was getting longer by the minute. I pounded my wings even harder, trying to take the edge off my now sparse life.
Trying to get my mind off my losses, I looked down at a vast expanse of hills and houses that almost sparkled in the cloudless sunny day. Some of those homes were pretty ritzy.
Flying over next to Anubis, I pointed at one four-story mansion and asked, “Didn’t you tell me that wealth doesn’t mean anything in the afterlife? That fancy house is way beyond any pay grade I ever had.”
“This realm is pure spiritual energy. The oldest residents have learned how to shape this energy into anything they can imagine. Landscapes, houses, and even entire cities have taken shape over the centuries. Flying fast is not the only coping mechanism in your new home.”
“So I can rebuild my old Cloudsdale house?”
“If that would make you happy, then yes. I’ll teach you how to do that later.”
Well, that made death slightly less sucky. Nothing like having a home to help you feel like you belong.
I followed Anubis past a few more neighborhoods. Soon we glided over grey jagged mountains that were pock-marked with dozens of caves. The skies were now boiling with storm clouds.
“Say, boss? Why is the weather so different here? I can’t seem to control any of these clouds.”
“You can’t change how this place looks. These mountains are bleak due to all the grief and despair the locals have.”
I peered into a nearby cave. Someone ducked back into the darkness, as if out of shame.
“Who would want to live here?” I asked.
“Certain kinds of spirits are drawn to this place like moths to a flame. Wounded, unhappy souls who create these caves the same way happy ones create houses. Sometimes, I can convince one or two to leave this realm for greener pastures.”
We stopped in front of a cave. He pointed at it. “The new arrival, however, is the one I’m hoping you can talk some sense into. I’ll wait out here.”
It’s not often I feel real biting fear. Getting murdered by a friend, even a mind-controlled friend, set me on edge, however. I could feel seriously bad vibes coming from that cave, which made my wings twitch.
“She can’t hurt you, Rainbow Dash. Good luck.”
Taking a deep breath to settle my jumpiness, I walked into the cave. It wasn’t that deep, but it got dark quick. In the dim light I saw a unicorn mare curled up in a ball, her back turned to me. She was off- white with red and purple strips in her mane and tail. As I got closer, I saw that her cutie mark was a quarter moon surrounded by three stars.
My hoof hit a rock. Her ears flicked.
“Why don’t you leave me alone!” she growled.
“Uh . . . Hi! I’ve been told that you’re new to this place.”
She groaned. “That weird-looking immigrant deity brought you here, didn’t he?”
“Yep! Listen, I’m a new arrival, too. I’m . . .”
“Go away.”
“I’m Rainbow Dash.”
She sat up and turned to face me. Her hair was tied up and behind her horn. Her large black-framed glasses were held together with white tape. It seemed weird to me that a ghost would need glasses, but I guess they were just part of her self-image. Another bit of personal baggage one carries around.
“One of the Mane Six?”
I smiled proudly. “You got it!”
“Did you fight those dragons a year ago?”
“Yeah! Well, Twilight helped beat them, too.”
I wasn’t sure, but I thought the cave got a little darker when I mentioned my friend. The unicorn snorted and looked away. “Goody for her.”
“Uhm. Yeah. So, what’s your name?”
“Moondancer.”
“Where are you from?”
“I live . . . used to live in Canterlot.”
“Hey, Twilight used to go to school there before she moved to Ponyville!”
She turned away from me. “I know. She was one of my classmates.”
Some people joke that I’m about as subtle as a tornado and as observant as a flagstone, but I catch some details with a little practice. I took a step closer and asked, “Did you two have a falling out or something?”
“Has she ever mentioned me to you or anyone else?” There was a rising heat in her voice.
“Well, I’m not sure, but I don’t recall hearing about you from Twi.”
Moondancer peered over her shoulder at me with slitted eyes. “Twi? You and your crime-fighting buddies share nicknames with each other?”
“Well, yeah. All of my friends call me Dashie.” Pinkie used to call me Sugarbear, back when I warmed her bed, but Moondancer didn’t need to know that. “Don’t you have a nickname?”
Moondancer shook her head. “No one called me anything. Twilight never did.”
Ouch. “Uh . . . let’s forget about her and talk about something else. We could . . . “
Before I could blink, she was three inches from my face. Cripes, is everypony in the afterlife faster than me?
“Let me tell you something about Twi, Dashie.” Moondancer spit out both names like cherry pits. “She may seem sweet and cute on the outside, but she’s just like every other pony. She’ll hurt you eventually.”
“I don’t understand, Moondancer.”
She stamped a hoof in frustration. “Friendship is a lie, Dashie. It’s just something they tell you in order to control you. Twilight taught me that when I tried to be friends with her.”
Biting my tongue in order to not screw everything up, I simply replied, “Go on.”
“My friends convinced me to invite Twilight to a party, that ‘Twi’ wanted to be my friend. But she didn’t show up! Then she moved to Ponyville without even sending me a postcard. Have you ever been stabbed in the heart that badly, Rainbow Dash?”
The memories of my death came up unbidden. The blood. The screaming. Pinkie with a grin on her face.
“You don’t want to know. I’m not a stranger to pain, I can tell you that.”
“What I wanted to tell Twilight at that party was how much I admired her. I tried so hard to be as smart as Celestia’s top student. I wanted to let her know how much I wanted to be just like her. But she brushed me aside.”
She paced back and forth, hooves stamping and kicking pebbles. The cave lit up, probably from her anger.
“If Twilight Sparkle could toss me away like a candy wrapper, why wouldn’t anypony else? My friends would probably do that to me sooner or later. I never gave them the chance to make me feel so worthless again.”
“You left them behind?”
“Damn right. Better to be alone than with bad company, I always say. For years afterward I stuck to my studies and nothing else.”
Not wanting to lose her at this stage, I asked, “How far did you get with your studies?”
Holding her head up proudly, Moondancer said, “I was the top graduate at my college. Not number five or ten. Number one. I thought I had finally found the self-worth I’d been seeking my whole life.”
Moondancer stopped pacing and poked at the ground. “But I had no one to share that accomplishment with. There were a few congratulations from my teachers, but that was it. In spite of everything I gave up to reach my goal, I still felt empty. Worthless.”
She sat down, shoulders slumping. I sat down beside her. Moondancer’s lips trembled as she said, “When I came home to my empty house and hung up my graduation robe, I looked at the front page of the local newspaper. There was Twilight Sparkle, you and your friends gathered around some minotaur bank robbers that you defeated. Twilight was so happy with her friends, with her position as boss of Equestria’s greatest action hero team, the Mane Six.”
“You were jealous?”
Grinding her teeth, she griped, “Of course I was! Who could compete with that? She ditches me, runs off and climbs a peak that I’d never be able to reach! She lives in a frickin’ library! She’s bosom buddies with Princess Celestia! I tried to be friends with her and got the brush-off! She makes friends and has Ponyville wrapped around her hoof!”
I could see tears pillowing into her glasses so I draped a wing over her back.
In a quieter voice, Moondancer said, “What did I have? A high IQ and that’s it. People terrify me, Rainbow. Years of isolation can do things to you. Such as make you think that everyone’s your future enemy. It’s taking all I’ve got to tell you all this.”
“It’s okay, Moondancer. I’m right here.”
She pulled off her glasses with her magic to wipe away the tears. “When I put down the newspaper, I had what alcoholics call a moment of clarity. I realized that the pony I hated more than Twilight Sparkle was myself. What would I do with my knowledge? Become a teacher? That means having to deal with people. An engineer? Same thing. I had nothing left to live for. Nothing I was brave enough to face. I was my own worst enemy, Rainbow. And I thought there was only one way to defeat that enemy.”
Oh, crap.
“You killed yourself.”
Moondancer bit her lower lip and nodded. “Maybe if Twilight could find a better life after leaving me behind, I thought I could do the same thing. But you can’t escape from yourself, can you?”
She snuggled up to me. My wing held her close. “I assumed that if I only remembered the pain Twilight gave me, it would make it easier to say goodbye to her. To everyone. But the pain’s still there. Nothing’s easier. That’s why I’m in this cave, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, my new boss says this part of the afterlife attracts sad ponies.”
Moondancer rested her chin on her front hooves. “They don’t come much sadder than me. I hate myself, Rainbow. I’m a coward. Why bother with me when I never bothered with anyone?”
“What can I say? I’m a people person. It’s hard to deal with pain, I know. I’ve gotten my heart broken, too.”
“Is that why you’re here? In the afterlife, I mean.”
“I wound up here because . . .” Don’t lie, Rainbow. Tell her the truth or you’ll lose her. “I was murdered by a friend, who, according to my boss, was possessed by Nightmare Moon. ”
Her eyes were as wide as frying pans. “Oh, Rainbow. I’m so sorry.”
We held hooves and hugged each other. Neither of us said anything for a while. Words weren’t needed, just closeness.
A few minutes later, I said, “You don’t have to be in this cave, you know. No one is ever really alone. Not if they don’t want to be.”
She stared at the cave walls and swallowed, mustering her courage. Finally she asked, “If I leave this cave . . . “
“Yeah?”
“Can you stay by me? At least for a while? I . . . I don’t know what I can do out there.”
I smiled as I helped her get back on her feet. “Sure, I’ll stick around. You need a friend more than anypony I know.” I told Scootaloo that once. It was just as true with that filly as it was with Moondancer.
When we left the cave, Anubis got on one knee and held out a hand. “Hello again, Moondancer.”
She took a cautious step towards him. I nudged her, saying “He’s cool, Moon. He’s not a pony, but hey, no one’s perfect.”
While Anubis shook one of her hooves, she smiled at me. “Did you just call me Moon? Are we exchanging nicknames now?”
“Yep! Call me Dashie if you like. Just don’t call me anything sappy, okay?”
She chuckled. “I’ll try to restrain myself. Well, I have the rest of eternity to look forward to. Do you have any ideas on what I can do to stay busy?”
I rubbed my chin and thought about that. Then I recalled something my boss said. There’s more than caves and houses in this world, there are cities as well. And what do cities have?
“Hey, Anubis?”
“Yes, Dashie?”
“Oh, that’s cute. Anyway, are there any libraries in this place?”
Moondancer balked. “Uh, I’m not really ready to face other ponies just yet.”
“Relax, Moon. I’ve got an idea. Well, boss?”
“There’s a large library in New Fillydelphia. Why?”
“You said that landscapes, houses and cities can be built by sheer force of will, right?”
“That’s true. So?”
“Can’t books be created the same way?”
Anubis snapped his fingers as his eyes lit up. “That’s right! It’s been too long since I’ve read a book, now that you mention it.”
Moondancer asked, “Just what are you getting at, Dashie?”
“Well, you’re as much of an egghead as Twilight is, right? Probably even more so. Books don’t write themselves, yeah? Why can’t you go to a library and share your years of studying by writing down what you know?”
“Don’t you think a lot of those books have been written already?”
“You won’t know until you’ve tried, Moon. Twilight always told me that knowledge only has value when it’s shared.”
She nodded, rubbing the back of her head. “And it’s high time I shared what I know with other ponies. I don’t know how to write books in this world, though.”
Anubis chimed in. “It’s not that hard to do. I’ll teach you.”
“And once I build my Cloudsdale house, with a few extra floors added, you can stay with me if you like.”
Tears pooled behind her glasses again. I had just enough time to open my forelegs when she tackled me in a hug. Moondancer was getting the hang of friendship. With a little luck and persistence, she’d soon be leaving behind even more of her emotional baggage.
Eventually we all flew away together, leaving the caves and cloudy skies behind. I’d get to those other ponies later. I had all the time in this world to do that, after all.
* * *
Moondancer was getting the ten bit tour of the afterlife with Anubis. He was really happy with what I did with her, so he gave me another job. If I didn’t blow it, he’d teach me how to arrest those rare ponies that escape to the living world.
Anubis is now calling me an angel. Since I get on his nerves sometimes, he also calls me a strange angel. Beats being called Rainbow Crash, I guess.
Being dead is still slightly sucky. My life may not have boinking, bits or burgers to drive me on, but as long as I can still help people, I can handle anything.
I sat in the same spot I first appeared in and waited for a new arrival that, for once, had to get sent back to the living. When Nightmare Moon is the enemy, you can’t afford to have her opponents stay dead. Anubis told me it was likely to be the pony that examined my body and now took my place on the Mane Six. He was new at the bad guy fighting game and was the most likely to get his head kicked in, my boss explained.
Sure enough, some white colt with a black mane and pony skull cutie marks landed in front of me. A hoof mark was bashed into his forehead. Oof. This dude had better learn to duck or he was going to be in for some hard times. Since name is destiny, any pony named Equus Mortis wasn’t ever going to have an easy life.
I put on my best smile when I realized that this guy could give Pinkie a message from me.
Equus looked up at me, slowly realizing where he was.
“Hey,” I said. “What’s up?”
The End
Author's Note
The theme song of this story is "Strange Angels" by Laurie Anderson.
Why did I use Anubis as Dashie's new boss? Well, with all the greek mythology floating around the MLP universe (Anubis is the name the greeks gave ol' pointy ears), I figured why not?
After all, as the lyrics go:
"You tell yourself, you know it's a must.
You gotta have a friend in Anubis.
If when you die and Celestia likes you a lot,
You're gonna go to the place that's full of plots.
Go the place that's full of plots."
(Apologies to Norman Greenbaum.)
