I. Friendship is Magic, Part 1 and Part 2
Dear Diary,
You'd think Celestia would be on top of this celebration that she is the cause for, well she isn't!. Not only that, but the person who she did send is a total brat. I mean who does she think she is?, the Princess of Equestria? No! Because the Princess of Equestria is sitting her lazy plot down in her castle and sending her snob of a student and her 'Igor' of an assistant to check the preparations. I met them in town today, and I admit, I may have over reacted when I saw them first. But that is only because I'm supposed to be in charge of this town. They don't know it yet, but one day I'm gonna overthrow that mayor of ours. I mean it wont be hard considering the mare just panicked with the rest of the crowd when the Princess disappeared. I don't even find this big, I mean for all we know she could be at the club with some stallions.
Let me tell you, the ponies in this town are stupid. That farm pony is high on apples, the diva is the ultimate perfectionist, the hippie can't even say her own name without somepony screaming at her, the procrastinator has the biggest ego I've ever seen, and the bookworm and Igor are getting on my nerves. You'd think the ponies in this town would be nice for a town that is hosting the hugest celebration of the century.
And now, I'm gonna have to throw a party for this bookworm, just because I'm supposed to be 'Ponyville's super dumb and naïve party pony'. This mare didn't deserve a party!, she didn't even deserve a funeral! Considering she blew everyone in town off for that sorry excuse for a princess.
Then I'm gonna have to follow these sorry idiots for the plot! I mean, Faust, really? If my 4th wall breaking was better, I would have slapped her hard on the noggin. Couldn't you have gotten Derpy or something? I heard she's a nice pony that the fans like! Why don't you just make her the Element of Laughter!
I like smiles and all, and parties are definitely my thing, but these ponies are barging on my doors at 5 AM in the morning, telling me to throw parties for them for stupid reasons. I mean, who does that?! Have you heard of sleep?, or are they eating coffee beans instead of breakfast?
To top this off, we have Nightmare Moon coming to plunge Equestria in eternal night. Those this woman not realize she would be killing us all by doing that?! I mean, Celestia is enough with her sun, but a moon princess?! What is there gonna be next, the Princess of the Sandwich?! And that name is the cheesiest I've ever heard! Why don't you just call yourself, 'Death', and be done with it!
I bet in a few 30 minutes though, this villain will be defeated, just like the rest. Why? Because villains always have one fatal flaw...They are stupid. I mean, if I was a villain, Equestria would be ruled with an iron hoof and party time would be all the time! I have to admit though, that armor looks super nice :)
-XOXO
Pinkamena Diane Pie
Dear Diary,
We just got back from that 'spooky forest' of ours, and I have to say 'these ponies aren't half bad, but their complete idiots'. I mean first of all, I think the apple one wanted to murder Twilight. I mean, I don't like her either but seriously? And who do you think is gonna have to throw her funeral?, Me!
Then, the hippie starts to hump the Manticore. I think they'd make a great couple, I mean I don't really care, as long as they don't ask me to host their wedding. Which they probably will..
After that first date, I have to convince these scaredy cats that 'TREES ARE NOT SCARY!'. I mean, come on!, I'd think that at least one of them would be the mature one and tell the other's these things cant hurt you! But No! I even had a little fate in the bookworm here! You had one chance Twilight!, One chance and you ruined it!
I don't even want to get started on the gay serpent, I mean seriously, just wait a few months and that mustache will be ready. You can wait a few months without uploading that online dating profile pictures, can't you?
Then Rainbow Dash almost left us to join some copies of the Wonderbolts. I actually wished she would have accepted! One less pony to throw a party for....
The worse part is, Twilight just stands there and does nothing! I mean, if she went in there by herself like she wanted too, I think we would be finding her corpse the next time we went in there. Which would be never!
I should have stayed on my rock farm, even with this cutie mark. I would've had the chance to just hang out on the rock farm all day with my sisters and parents. But Maud told me to follow my destiny and move to Ponyville. I think that throwing parties on the rock farm would have been just fine Maud!
And to make everything better, I have been chosen to become the guardian of Eqeuestria! Oh the glee of giving up my spare time to go save the world! I have a life to you know, Celestia! If you would've just moved your lazy plot off the sun and helped us, we wouldn't be needing these elements of harmony!
Time to get Lyra to record our weekly 'My Little Brony' episodes on DVR....and maybe stop inviting Big Mac.....
-XOXO, The new Element of Laughter
Pinkamena Diane Pie
