RANDOMNESS

by Space Kitty

Rating: teen
Tags: Alternate Universe, Comedy, Random
Length: 2068

A bunch of random short stories scrapped for various reasons stated in the chapter.

These are wierd comments/scrapped stories that Space Kitty never published for reasons.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-18 20:18:44 UTC

POKE

Toxic Flame walked up to Carrot Arrow and poked him.

"Ambush poke."

"Poke: The sequel."

"Poke: The prequel."

"It's frickin' cold out here let's get inside poke."

"Agreed Poke."

They played jokes on the teacher, such as "What's the capital of Equestria?" and reply with "The E!".

And their lives were good.

Later on, when recess came around, there was enough snow to build a snowman.

And they smashed the snowmen that were made on the playground.

They went home. It had been a long day and they had to get to their homes to eat dinner.  There was no homework, as Toxic had outsmarted the teacher in law.

"What a filly or colt sees as manual labor, they do not have to do it. Forcing them to will cause a fine of many bits."

Carrot was a pretty darned funny colt, too.

Many snowmen were found all over Equestria. The majority were found in Canterlot, too bad for Princess Luna and Celestia.

But then....

Carrot Arrow knocked on Toxic Flame's door.

"Do you wanna kill a snowman?

Decapitate it with a stick?

We can go kill Frosty now,

he has no brain.

I'm sure he won't mind!

I need an AK-47,

and a few Uzis.

Let's shove them down their throats!

Do you wanna kill a snowman?"

And just as Carrot finished the last verse, Toxic joined in, holding an Uzi and an AK-47.

"Do you wanna kill a snowman?

Shove a gun down its throat?

I've got some guns for us

to use on

the dumb snowmen!

How about some dynamite?

Let it go boom.

I am sure my parents won't mind!

Do you wanna kill a snowman?"

Carrot sang again.

"Do you wanna kill a snowman?

Blow it up with dynamite?

I've got the candlestick,

let's burn some wicks,

on the white snow!

Sulfur everywhere clogging up drains

I wish they'd allow me!

Do you wanna kill a snowman?"

"First, get a stick."

Toxic found a particularly large branch in her backyard, and used it to decapitate every snowman in sight! Ponies began to wonder what happened.

Not long after, guns were sticking out of every snowman body left, with strings attached to the triggers. Right before the ponies were about to pull the guns out, a string was pulled. It pulled many other strings along with it.

BLAM!

And there stood a pony with a half-burnt face.

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

BLAM!

More ponies began to have burnt faces as they fired the guns. Next up... dynamite. Just like the song, stuff happened.

Soon, all over Equestria snowmen were decked out in TNT and more pyrotechnics.

And then, right when Princess Luna went to inspect a snowman... it started to expand and then...

BOOM!

Equestria had to be rebuilt that day, but before it could even start...

Suddenly Toxic's cellphone went BING!

Toxic checked out the new message. Someone had replied to her post on Facebook.

"Carrot, go get the matches. I need to get something from my lab." she said before galloping off to get some liquid hydrogen and other explosives.

And then as Carrot played his video game, Toxic flew around with sprinklers, sprinkling hydrogen all over Equestria, excepting on him.

And then, Carrot Arrow got a spacesuit on as well as Toxic Flame. They got to a safe distance from the surface of the planet, and then dropped the lit match.

Five seconds later, the planet blew up into dust.

World Edit

Twilight Sparkle, genius Alicorn, was looking around inside the Internet. "Ooh, WorldEdit! I must try this spell!" exclaimed Twilight when she found a link.

"//undo, //copy, //paste, //move XYZ..." Twilight read on and on until, at last, she understood the spells. "Spike? Spike? SPIKE!?" Twilight called.

"Geez Twilight, have you been up all night studying spells? Mother of Celestia, it's 6:40, what?" yawned Spike as he woke up.

"I need you to send this to Princess Celestia." Twilight replied as she levitated a scroll over to Spike with her telekinesis. Before Spike could reply, Twilight had zapped food and coffee into her stomach with a spell and had already teleported outside.

"//copy  X: 44-Z: 39!" "//paste X: 44-Z:39-Y: 64!" "//move X: 120 Y:120 Z: 40!" recited Twilight, creating a copy of her castle, putting it on top of her current castle, and then moving the copy to Canterlot.

All the while, the citizens of Ponyville were amazed. Lyra knew that the mirror had been copied...

Bon-Bon wondered where Lyra was a few hours later.

Twilight had a tree on her head.

Twilight was unstoppable.

Twilight was able to manipulate space/time/terrain in any way, shape, or form.

"/time add 1400!" "/summon entityname: Celestia (customname: Cake Eater)!" Twilight shot out spell after spell,traveling 14 hours forward in time, and summoning a Celestia clone with a nametag that read: "Cake Eater".

"/op Twilight_Sparkle!!!"

BOOM!

Beep

Beep

Beep

Beep

"Uuugh, what happened?"

"Moaaaaan"

"What the (yay) happened?"

"Why am I in a magical prison, horn revoked?" asked Twilight, mingling in with the other ponies's complaints.

"I believe you have found a forbidden set of spells, Twilight. Please, when you find spells like this, NEVER EVER EVER use them without showing them to me first..." said a heavily bandaged Celestia. "Your horn was blown off in the explosion, and thankfully it will grow back. You've killed tens of thousands of ponies, and the only one left uninjured is Lyra Heartstrings, having snuck into the alternate universe on the other side of that mirror. She is nursing us all back to health... but Shining Armor is one who died in the blast."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Twilight.

Later that night...

"I can't take this anymore, I don't want to be here anymore..."

"/KILL!"

And every pony in the world saw the following text in the corner of their vision:

"Twilight Sparkle Died".

"Spike starved to death"

"Rainbow Dash was killed by Potion using magic"

"Applejack durp'd"

"Equestria went nuts"

EQUESTRIA TIMES

Element Of Magic FOUND DEAD!

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship and Element Of Magic, has somehow died. No magical traces have been found, no evidence of her being murdered. She has not died of malnutricion, nor stress, but simply passed away.  Reporters are baffled!

"Wif Twilite gon, I kin partee! I wil waturskee!" said Appuljak. "I wl drnk lota bear and weene! I wil be drnk!"

Luna's Foam Collection

"CELESTIA, WHERE HAS THOU HIDDEN MY WHIPPED CREAM FOAM?" Luna yelled out in the ROYAL CAPS LOCK!.

"I ate it, were you going to use that?" came from outside the kitchen.

Luna's horn fired up, and a blue glow surrounded Celestia. At first she didn't notice, but then, as it got more bright, bold, and prominent, Celestia said "Luna, what are you doing? Luna? LUNA!!!" as she was lifted up, phasing through the ceiling, and she began to go faster and faster, until she landed on... whipped cream foam? And it was floating?

But the moment of whipped cream foam covering her body ended as soon as she landed on the mass. It exploded, shooting cream in every direction. Landing on the moon with a *PLOP*, the sun princess now realized why Luna hid part of the moon in shadow some nights as it rotated.

Because in front of her was an exact zero-gravity replica of Los Pegasus made out of different kinds of foam. Styrofoam houses linked to the ground with normal packing foam chains, with whipped cream and shaving cream foam making up the clouds, also somehow magically not floating off into space.

She walked into one of the houses, only to find dyed whipped cream making up all of the foods. On the moon, nothing appears to expire, because even though the cream was a thousand years old, it still tasted amazing to Celestia out of the styrofoam compressed bowl. As she flew out of the house, she noticed that there was a styrofoam sign.

"Luna's foam collection-All kinds of foam found here, every foam known to Equestria!" it said.

Celestia walked through the town, noticing that Luna had sculpted a massive floating replica of Canterlot Castle out of styrofoam. As she got closer, she noticed the floors were made of memory foam. She bounced up and saw another sign.

"Luna's castle bounce house and all foam pits." it said.

Celestia shrugged and said "Sounds good to me!", but no sound came out because there was no air. Oh well, alicorns could not die of certain conditions anyway. She bounced and bounced, not looking where she was going, and fell into a pit of foam blocks. Climbing out, Celestia looked around. There was a foam block pit, a whipped cream pit, a shaving foam pit, and a styrofoam pit. She also noticed a slide in the wall. When she came out the other end she was in a pit of packing peanuts and all the other foams mixed together.  It was really gooey and sticky because there was also hot, perma melted marshmallow in the mix.

Teleporting herself, and only herself, out of the mix, she saw before her a giant room under the surface of the moon. Colored soap foam was everywhere in the room. The pit she had just teleported out of had walls that prevented the bathing foam from seeping in.

And the largest foam throne possible was sitting right there in front of her. She decided to sit on the throne, but then two aerosol cans pointed at her and fired, covering her with various dark colors of Silly String.

Celestia teleported into a house above the surface of the moon, and walked onto the bed. She lay down, sighing, and began to dream of how she would kill or apologize to her younger sister.

Meanwhile Luna was buying more whipped cream.

She was not happy.

Tiberius Attempts To Be Scary

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" shouts a very shaken-up opposum, just awoken but running from a very hungry cat.

"Get back here you little opposum!" growls the cat.

In a flash, Tiberius  raced into his chandelier house. The cat couldn't get inside! "Nahnahnahnahnah!" Tiberius taunted.

"I'll get you the next time you come outta there!" replied the now ornery cat. She picked up the tuna chunks in her food bowl and ate some. They were flavorful, but kind of sour.

Tiberius then decided to try scaring the cat. He put on a black cape and vampire dentures. When Tiberius tied himself to the ceiling with invisible string and swung up behind the cat, it said "You are not a kamikaze pilot. You are not a bat. You are not scary."

"Arrrgh!" Tiberius spent the next few hours trying to escape his swinging stance. He finally chewed through the rope, and the cat was asleep. So, he landed on the cat. Luckily, the cat was a heavy sleeper. It wouldn't wake up.  So, Tiberius hopped off of the cat, jumped up into his house, and put on a zombie disguise.  He jumped down  and BIT Spacey. Spacey emitted a low growl and swiped at Tiberius. Tiberius ran for his little life.

"You aren't a zombie. You aren't a vampire or bat. You aren't scary!" growled Spacey.

"Then I will BE scary. " Tiberius said. "You'll see..."

The next day, Tiberius asked Luna to give him a horn and wings. She gave him a  horn, and wings. They were black. They were scary.

That night, Tiberius poked Spacey with his new horn. Spacey didn't budge. Tiberius stuck his horn up her nose. Tiberius stuck his horn up her butt. Tiberius stuck his horn in her ear.  Tiberius stuck his horn in her mouth. He stuck it where the sun doesn't shine. Tiberius stuck his tail into all those places. Still, Spacey remained sound asleep. Tiberius used magic to project Five Nights At Freddy's  into her dream. Still, Spacey did not wake up.

Meanwhile, in Spacey's dream, she was kicking Foxy multiple times in the crotch, making him yelp, while the other animatronics laughed.

This is why she remained asleep, smirking.

The next morning, Tiberius tried to scare Spacey.

Spacey got up, got her jetpack, and flew up to Tiberius.

And Tiberius was eaten alive and never seen again...

except in Spacey's litter box. Dead.

Meanwhile in the afterlife, the opossum defeated the greatest bitch of all time in order to resurrect himself. Luna was glad to have her opossum back, while Spacey was on the moon.

Guess Tiberius was scary.