Shitty Anon

by SoothingCoffee

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Slice of Life, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Sex
Length: 1946

Shit. Scat. Being Anon is suffering.

Being an Anon is a tough job to have for whomever is concerned. Especially when said Anon has the luck to experience his first scat sex with the ever so friendly Princess Twilight Sparkle. Especially when he doesn't have much choice and say about it.

Warning: Scat.

Thanks, Eristotle for editing and proofreading this pile of feces.

Published 2015-08-18 20:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-18 20:00:02 UTC

It's Shit.

“Hey, Anon.” I looked up from my book, staring at the oddly fidgeting Twilight, a pair of blush painted on her cheeks. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm?” I went back to my book, a story about the seperation of the Griffon kingdom after a fracturing in their ideology; one’s based on greed, whilst the other based on power. “What is it?”

She coughed, her cheeks reddened as she looked away. “W-well, there’s this thing I wanted to try, and I want to ask if you’re okay with it.”

I closed my book, sighing, making a small mental bookmark on the page as I turned to the princess. “Depends,” I responded in a flat tone with my equally flat stare. This wasn’t the first time Princess Twilight had asked me for something. Most of the times, it involved some sort of a contrived experiment, and it seemed that this time won’t be any different . “What kind of a thing do you want to try?”

She coughed, somewhat reminded me of Fluttershy as she neared to me; her wings twitched, seemingly wanting to flare themselves, and her back legs fidgeted. “W-well,” she looked away, one of her wings opened, putting it behind my head. “There’s this thing…”

I sighed, the wing was soft enough, and it was comfortable enough. “Just get to the point.”

“I want to have sex with you!”

My eyes widened, a gobble of saliva went into the wrong hole as I shot forward, my hand went into my chest as I coughed the saliva out. I took a deep calming breath despite the fussing Twilight behind me. “What.”

Two wings, this time covering my body in warm embrace as she plopped down next to me. Tilting my head, I saw her cheeks burning furiously as she tried to stutter her answer. “Y-yes. Y-you see, there’s this thing I just learned, and the book said it was supposed to feel great!”

“What about Spike?”

“Spike’s sleeping.”

I shot her a look. “A little bit too early, no?”

“I helped him sleep.”

“Helped him or forced him?”

“It’s not forced if he doesn’t know about it!”

My eye twitched, and I noted she did the same thing. “Yes, it is.”

“Says the one that almost raped my sister-in-law!”

“I- what?!” I choked out, eyes wide in disbelief. “That’s nonsense, and you know it! Cadance asked me for it, and Shining agreed!” I defended. “It’s called a threesome, and what I did is called a roleplay! A rape rolepay, maybe, but Cadance asked for it. And I was already given consent!”

She huffed, eye dropping to the floor. “You didn’t invite me.”

My eye twitched. “Shining told me not to tell you. Blame him, not me. And I didn’t know you were interested in that sort of thing.”

Head dropping, I heard her murmur, “Well, you never asked.”

I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath; my arm went around her neck, and I pulled her in for an embrace. “I’ll ask next time. That good for you?”

I felt her head moving into a nod on my chest, careful as not to stab me with that ridiculously sharp horn. “Okay,” I heard her muffled reply.

We stayed like that for a long time. Minutes? Hours? If I had to guess, it was probably about thirty minutes. Having a clock on the wall was indeed a useful addition to the large library. Would definitely be better if you change the tweeting bird with something else. In the end, it was me who broke the silence.

“So, what did you want to try?”

She was silent for a moment, and then gave a muffled response, “Promise me you’re not going to be mad?”

“I can’t promise that.”

She looked up from my chest, once again considerate with positioning her horn, that would’ve stabbed my neck if she didn’t, revealing those big, purple, and watery eyes of hers; a tiny whine escaped her throat, and I had to bite my lips so I wouldn’t say, “Fine.”

Her eyes sparkled. “Really?”

Gosh darnit.

I sighed. What’s the point in fighting a losing battle? “Yeah, sure.” I was totally going to regret this. “What is it?”
Her face turned into the very embodiment of happiness and adorableness, it almost melted my blackened stale heart. Her horn glowed in her eyes’ color, and from somewhere, a book in a brown cover floated before me. Plucking it off the air with my free hand, I turned it around to look at the title.

“The Wonderful Experience of Scat!”

I blinked, closed my eyes, and dropped the book to the floor like it was acid. “Nope.”

“But, Anon!” she whined, and I had no doubt a pout was now on her face.

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“But you promised!”

“Promises can be broken.”

There was silence, and the wings around me weakened, growing placid.“...please...”

I shook my head. There’s dirty sex, and then there’s dirty sex. “No. It’s shit, and I don’t do shit.”

“I’d make it feel good.”

“No means no, Twilight. No means no,”

“Please… just once?”

I opened my eyes to look at her, and immediately regretted that decision as I felt my heart stop its heinous action for a moment. Tears gathered on the corner of her eyes, ears splayed to the back of her head as she stared at the crystalline floor. She sobbed. “Please?”

I gritted my teeth, stared at the shit-brown book on the ground, then back at the princess. I cursed myself once again for my weak mental constitution. I swear, it’s as if there was some kind of cosmic force out there forcing me to do this, despite my very effort of not doing it. “A promise is a promise, I suppose.”

Her ears perked up, and she looked up at me like a happy, adorable puppy, her horn nearly grazed my chin. “Really?”

I sighed, a grimace plastered on my face. “Yes, really.”

“Good!”

Her horn glowed purple, before quickly flashing a familiar purple flash. Immediately, I found myself in a different room; Twilight’s room, it seemed. And I found myself in a different position as well, and I stared at the pudgy, yet muscular purple butt, before it softly squished my face; fortunately, giving me enough room to breathe.

Twilight moaned as I did so, familiar wet liquid covered my mouth, dripping down to my chin. Before I could start doing something that was natural to me, of which involved various usage of the organ known as the tongue, the squishy butt shifted, and my eyes widened as I found Twilight’s puckered asshole on my mouth; a disgusting smell made me gag as her asshole squirted something out, and I realized what it was.

Shit. Brown, goopy, and tastes like something you would expect from a horse's asshole. It was bad, a poison; something you shouldn't put into your mouth ever. Yet, even in my dire fate, I tried not to struggle. Twilight shifted, her puckered asshole contracted, and a moan mixed with a whimpering sound came atop of me.

I struggled to make words, but it only succeeded to make Twilight release a delighted moan, her back arched from the vibration of my mouth.

It squirted once more, I gagged in reflex as a squirt of something foul and bitter came into my mouth. Taking a breath with my thankfully-free nose, I began to do my purpose. My pink tongue went around her black hole, eliciting another moan from the princess on top of me.

"Oh, Anon!" Twilight moaned in pleasure, her body arching back once more as-

As bitter, sour, and foul tasting goop spurted wildly from Twilight's anus, which was now filling my mouth quickly with shit as I tried to swallow it. Attempting to not let it spill from my tight mouth. I could feel more shit forcing its way out of my mouth as they came out spurting from my nose, clogging my nostrils with its foul smell as I tried not to vomit inside of Twilight's anus, lest I made it worse.

Oxygen came hard as I soon found out; goopy, brown-slightly-green shit covering over my nostrils and mouth. Worse still, Twilight's anus hadn't stopped its business as it kept pouring shit into my mouth to the point that I forewent touching it with my tongue and simply let it flow into my throat.

I struggled as aphyxiation settled in, trying to gasp for air, before I soon tapped Twilight's cutie mark, mayhaps a tad too forceful as she quickly snapped out of her self-pleasurement, immediately pulling her leaking anus away from my mouth.

As soon as I found my mouth unblocked by her butt, I quickly swallowed the goopy component, and quickly puked it out to the floor the moment I turned to my side, pouring mixtures of tears, saliva, shit, acid, and my lunch to the marble floor; while at the same time, sucking for the most definitely-needed air.

Tears escaped from my tear ducts as I heaved more and more to the ground, retching out acid and shit. I felt the world around me twist like an orgy gone wrong as I took another gasp of air.

"Oh Celestia," Princess Twilight Sparkle gasped, concern in her voice as she quickly sidled to my side. "I'm so sorry!" Her hoof made a circling motion on my back, furthering the need to puke more as I leaned and coughed out more shit.

“Oh God,” I choked out, shit dripping off my nose. “I swear, Twilight, this is the last time we’re ever doing this!”

I couldn’t see what she was doing, but I hoped it was something similar to nodding, as she said, “Yes! Are you okay?!”

“No! I almost choked on your fec--” I vomited another wave of shit, and lunch, and breakfast. “I’m not okay!”

“J-just--” I felt something washed over me, and suddenly, the shit staining the crystal floor vanished away, and it took me a moment that the shit staining my body was gone as well. The scent still lingered, and I vomited again.

“Oh no, what do I do!?”

I gasped for air once more. “Just-” I breathe. “Knock me out.”

She did, and I was within the embrace of black unconsciousness. Moments before I was completely asleep, I cursed at myself for my very, very bad decision and shitty mental constitution. And whatever cosmic force out there.

When I woke up moments later--it was apparently a day, since apparently Twilight overcharged the sleeping spell-- to the worried face of Twilight, I punched her. She was okay, of course, what with being an Alicorn; but her shocked face, despite my definitely cracked wrist, was worth the pain.

“I’m sorry,” she murmured, not at all caring at the forming bruise on her cheek--I was sure she could heal it quickly. “I was being stupid.”

I stared at the ceiling; the infirmary of the castle, I soon realized. “Don’t do it again.”

“Okay.”

I sighed, feeling somewhat ten thousand times cleaner than I had been first born. “C’mere and hug me.”

She did. I kept my hands from punching her again. Though I had no doubt she would tank it up like an overly buffed and blessed Paladin.

“And knock me out again.”

Her horn glowed purple, and I dropped into another familiar dreamless sleep. I’m going to abuse that little spell, I thought, a flash before the spell put me to sleep.

Author's Note

So, uh, yeah. Sorry for whoever managed to read this to the end. And for whoever approved this story.