The Best Plan Ever

by Caffeinated Pinkie

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Changelings, Comedy, Queen Chrysalis, Random, Pinkie Pie
Length: 2070

Queen Chrysalis wants revenge. After weeks of planning and creating the perfect strategy, she knows that nothing could possibly go wrong. Right?

Weeks after the humiliating defeat at Canterlot and the subsequent (and painful) removal of all changelings, Queen Chrysalis was fuming. She couldn't believe those parasites had the audacity to foil her genius plan. She needed revenge. So after hours of careful and detailed planning, Chrysalis believes she can finally destroy the ponies and take her rightful love.

Unfortunately, not everything goes as planned.

Rated U for Uplifiting

Now with a reading from Rainbow Infinity Readings!

Published 2015-08-19 22:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-19 22:00:01 UTC

Best Laid Plans

Queen Chrysalis, Ruler of the Changelings, waited outside of Ponyville, concealed in the thick foliage that was the Everfree Forest. All around the perimeter of the small town were her similarly-concealed changelings. They had the ponies surrounded.

"Finally, the plan is coming to fruition. I have waited far too long to crush these parasites," Chrysalis cackled quietly to herself.

—[One Day Ago]—

Mumbling to herself, Chrysalis fumed as she paced through her throne room. Those stupid ponies. Using the power of love to win a war? Preposterous! Who do they think they are, using the changeling's own food source against them. That would be like ponies winning a war by throwing pies at the enemy! Unfortunately, no matter how much she insulted her furry enemies, the anger never dissipated. Instead a new feeling was rising in the pits of her chest.

"GURGLE!" Her stomach growled with a ferocious intensity. If only they had succeeded in their conquest, then she wouldn't be hungry right now. Just another reason to hate ponies. Wait, she could feel a different feeling filling her guts. A thirst for vengeance. One that only defeating those pathetic ponies could quench. "MWAHAHAHAH—"

"GURGLE!" Once again her stomach interrupted her self-monologuing.

"Oh, for goodness sake." Chrysalis pointed to a servant situated close to her, "You! Go make me some love." Once the servant was gone, she rubbed her hooves together mischievously. "I believe a strategy is in order..."

—[One Day After One Day Ago]—

Chrysalis entered the hive-mind and informed the generals to initial phase one. With a mental salute, all of the changelings were surrounded by green flames before reappearing, newly transformed. Chrysalis adopted a wicked grin as she reveled in her obvious victory. But celebrating would come later. Right now there was an invasion to enact. After a quick check on all of her changelings, she spoke to her generals, "Alright, initiate phase two, but wait for my command for the next phase."

One of the officers bravely spoke up, "Your Excellency, I trust that your plan is absolutely perfect, like everything else you do... but there is no phase three."

"Exactly, that's why you have to wait for my signal," the changeling queen said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which she knew it was. "After all, simple plans can't go wrong. It's impossible even for you imbeciles to mess this up!" The generals looked confused but nonetheless followed her commands. She was the queen after all, how could they disobey? With a few quick gestures, the rest of the changeling forces began to leave their concealed positions and enter the village.

With a confident gate, she took the lead position of the changelings and bared her fangs in preparation. Nobody noticed her yet, but that wouldn't be for long. Straight ahead was the hustle and bustle of ponies attempting to buy products from various booths and stalls. Perfect. With purpose, Chrysalis strode up to a plum-colored earth pony with a cutie mark depicting various berries.

With the most malicious voice she could do, Chrysalis spoke into the pony's ear, "Hello, little pony..." It had the desired effect of the mare jumping nearly ten feet in the air, gasping loudly. That is until she saw Chrysalis and began to smile happily once more.

"Oh jeez, honey. Didn't see you there! So how goes the hive, Chrissy?" Chrysalis could only stand there, mouth agape. Did she just give her a friendly greeting? She should be cowering in fear not exchanging pleasantries!

"Did— Did you just— How dare you not feel mortal terror when I'm within you're presence?!"

"Heheh, you always were a crackup, Chrissy. Well I wish I could talk more, but I have to go pick up Cherry Pinch from school. See ya later?" The mare held out a hoof waiting for a bump from Chrysalis. But there would be no hoof bumping, nor 'see-you-later's, and certainly not friendly banter. In fact, she could barely believe that these creatures could make her hate them even more than before. And she absolutely hated it.

Maybe that mare was just crazy compared to the others. Perhaps the rest of the town can feel her wrath adequately. As she was thinking this, she forgot to watch where she was going and managed to collide with a mint colored unicorn that for some reason was grinning at her like a mad mare. Something about the look unnerved Chrysalis greatly especially because the unicorn was oblivious to all of her groceries spilling due to the impact. A much saner looking beige earth pony was picking up the items all the while grumbling under her breath.

"Oh my gosh! Are you a changeling?" Chrysalis opened her mouth to respond the the unicorn but was quickly cut off by her continued rambling, "This is the best day ever! You have, like, no idea how cool changelings are! Well, you are a changeling so you probably do, but I really like exotic creatures and species and ever since the Canterlot invasion, I've been researching everything I could about you guys! I even have a changeling plushie! It was really hard to find, but this really nice guy in an alley sold it to me for only one of my kidne..." She could only listen in horror as a tidal wave of words pounded against her head, the beginning of a headache already forming. Suddenly, Chrysalis realized that they should have used this pony's incessant rambling to take over Canterlot as it would have been much more effective.

When she turned her attention back to the pair of ponies, Chrysalis caught the tail end of something involving a liter of fizzy soda, 10 pounds of iridium, and a small foal. The look the earth pony gave told her she shouldn't ask. Thankfully, the conversation, if you could even call it that, died down and the other pony began to talk, "Sorry about Lyra. She can get a little... obsessive about stuff she finds interesting. Name's Bon Bon. You?"

Chrysalis scoffed. "Are you trying to tell me that you don't who I am?! Does Queen Chrysalis of the Delta Changeling Hive ring a bell? Vanquisher of Queen Edna the Sick? Defeater of Celestia at horn to horn combat? THE CHANGELING THAT TOOK OVER CANTERLOT?!" Each title received a puzzled tilt of head until the last one where recognition sparked in her eyes.

"Oh, I remember you! You were that changeling that stole my piece of cake while my back was turned," Bon Bon said as her tone slowly turned remorseful, "But I should probably be thanking you. I almost broke my diet that day, if it wasn't for you I would at least weigh a pound or two more. I owe you one, pal."

Meanwhile, Chrysalis was positively enraged. How dare these ponies create a mockery of her by using insults like 'pal' or 'cool' or even 'Chrissy'?! That was it. The final straw that broke the changelings back. Mustering up all the anger she could, she shouted to the town, "Everybody, gather in front of this stall selling useless products—"

"HEY!" A orange mare behind the counter shouted indignantly.

"—and if you don't then I'm going to have to use our new weapon on you. I may just spare you if you comply." Although many of the ponies in the area just flat out ignored her, many snickers and eye rolls could be found emanating from the crown along with a few 'As you wish, *snicker* your majesty's. It was almost as if the ponies had suddenly lost all fear of her.

"Let's start with you," she pointed to a grey pegasus mare with blond hair and mismatched eyes. "How scared of me are you?" She bared her fangs and transformed her vocal cords to imitate what she was told many ponies would call a 'frightening' voice.

The mare just continued smiling as if it didn't even phase her, "Well, It's not that scary because I know you aren't really capable of much without love." Chrysalis growled in frustration. Not capable of much?! She could destroy these ponies if she wanted!

"What about you? And trust me. I can destroy any of you if I so wish," she threatened pointed at a grey earth pony with black hair and a musical note cutie mark.

"Who me? Well, as — err — uncouth as the invasion was, you didn't really manage all that much. I mean besides tricking the ponies into thinking you were Cadence, did you really do all that much in terms of benefiting the invasion?"

To put it mildly Chrysalis was aghast and infuriated by the ponies accusations. "And why would you say that?" She growled through gritted teeth.

"Let's see, you kidnapped Cadance and pretended to be her. Which is cool and all, but it doesn't require actual power just quick thinking. And may I remind you that Twilight Sparkle saw through it right away? After that you pretty much just started monologuing and that's it."

As much as Chrysalis hated to admit it, she realized that the invasion probably could have been done largely without her. Maybe if some other queen had taken over they would have won.

"I think it's funny though that you got defeated by your own food source! I mean it's like winning a war by throwing pies at each other!" Chrysalis was snapped out of her stupor as she looked up to the currently giggling bubbly pink mare before she continued, "Oh, wait. That already happened!" What could only be described as a giggle-snort escaped the mare.

The ponies were right, she realized. She was a failure. Everyone would remember her as the worst queen in history. Nobody would ever want to be within one-hundred yards of her. Turning towards the changelings currently disguised as puppy dogs, she dismissively said, "They're right. I am pathetic. I understand if none of you want me to be your queen anymore." Her subjects just sat there staring at her with big watery puppy dog eyes. How dare they use the weapon against her! Weaponized cuteness was only to be used on the enemy. "Just go already!"

Suddenly, she felt a pair of legs wrapped around her barrel. Why was a pony holding her? And why did it feel good? Another pony wrapped their legs around her. "What is this?" Chrysalis asked the pink mare as more ponies were added to the pile.

A giggle escaped her. "Why it's a hug, silly! It's what friends give each other when they're feeling down! My names Pinkie Pie, by the way," Pinkie Pie said and suddenly, she didn't seem quite as annoying to Chrysalis.

After a while, the hug broke up many of the ponies having to go to one place or another. She felt happy. Really genuinely happy, for the first time in as long as she can remember. But then what she least expected happening occurred. The now untransformed changelings looked up at her with hopeful eyes. One of them spoke up, "You may not have been the best queen there ever was, but you cared for us, and that's what matters. You only wanted what was best, even if you went about it in the wrong way. So we want to ask you..." He looked to the others for support and got plenty of smiles and nods in return. "Can you still lead us here in Ponyville, together with ponies?"

Chrysalis didn't even have to hesitate as an unfamiliar, but not unwelcome feeling filled a hole in her heart, she didn't even know was there. "Yes."

Author's Note

Just a fun little idea I decided to whip together.

I know Chrysalis got depressed pretty easily, but the idea is that Chrysalis has some really bad superiority complex (part of why she started monologuing in the show) so when everything that she has ever done to be seen as powerful and feared by the general populous is suddenly gone and she no longer has anything to make her seem better than them. Boom, everything is bad for that character.

At one point I just got really into this and it turned out to be really uplifting. I was originally going for a nonsensical humorous story but this may be just as good.

[8/25/2017] Grammar and formatting fix oh my!