What is this I don't even...

by TheTallestGuy

Rating: mature
Tags: Dark, Comedy, Romance, Adventure, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 1198

Urge to write inappropriately and randomly is strong with this one

Had an urge to write horrible, random stuff. Separated into little mini-stories. Needed to get it out of my system. Inspired by WhatTheFap! Enjoy?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-27 11:34:02 UTC

Good fucking Christ, why?

"Rainbow Dash, cut it out!" giggled Twilight, "You know I'm sensitive there!"

Rainbow Dash's (Rainbow Dash. Fuckin', the cyan pony that flies REALLY fast? With the RAINBOW mane? Fuck, you know who I'm talking about. If you don't, watch the damn show) head popped up from between Twilight's legs as she smiled. She didn't say anything, she just went back to what she was doing, fucking and sucking like there was no tomorrow. She lapped Twilight up, down, left, right, inversely, obtusely, fucking backwards, I don't know.

Twilight was sure that a tongue couldn't move the way that Rainbow's did, but she didn't care. She was close to climax. With a clench and a grunt that sounded like an obese man had just ran a mile and thrown up, she squirted her love juices all down Rainbow's throat.

Rainbow giggled as she straddled Twilight's face. "My turn, you cunt-loving fillyfooler."

At Sweet Apple Acres, Big Mac was in a martial arts pose, like a goddamn Jackie Chan wannabe. A few meters-no, yards(fucking metric system)- in front of him stood Shining Armor, also in a ninja pose, like a crappy Bruce Lee impersonation.

"Again we meet," said Big Mac.

"Indeed," replied Shining Armor.

They each struck more poses, trying to intimidate each other. Big Mac ended up on his head, but flipped back upright.

Big Mac glared. "You have soiled my honour."

"You have broken my honor."

"You have no honour."

"You spell 'honour' like a Brit!"

"Have at you!"

The two stallions leapt at each other. They were interrupted by a single word.

"Stop!"

They landed and stared at the newcomer (a challenger approaches!).

"Oh no!"

"Donut Joe!"

Shining Armor glanced at Big Mac. "We must work together." Big Mac nodded.

Suddenly, Joe was grabbed by a big humanoid...thing, and then eaten. Big Mac and Shining Armor ran away.

Back in Ponyville, more specifically Sugar Cube Corner, Pinkie - or rather, Pinkamena Diane Pie, was formulating a  plan. She giggled to herself as she occasionally nicked herself with the knife she was waving around. She had a plan for her friends.

She was going to make them cupcakes. Literally. Since she always made treats for them, why not makes treats OUT of them?

She giggled to herself as the cold steel sliced into her flesh and drew out her warm lifeblood.

Fluttershy and Rarity were enjoying their weekly spa day together. Fluttershy had been pondering over his decision all week. He would finally tell her how he felt about her... and his secret.

They were in a hot tub, eyes covered with cucumbers (which, by the way, do NOT go in vaginas. What the shit is wrong with you?), and faces covered in a mud bath treatment.

"Oh darling, isn't this heavenly?" Rarity cooed. Fluttershy gave a small 'mmhm' while biting his lip.

"Rarity?"

"Yes Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy shifted in the hot tub, moving through the boiling water closer to Rarity.

"I... I have something to tell you," he said in his small, feminine voice.

"What is it?" Rarity kept herself relaxed, head on an inflatable pillow.

"I think... I think I love you."

Rarity slowly peeled off her cucumber slices (still not in vaginas) and looked at Fluttershy. She glanced around, not knowing what to say.

"Well, Fluttershy, that's... nice of you. I'm sorry but... I'm not a-a-a fillyfooler." She looked down, ready for her friends imminent sadness and disappointment.

"That's okay!" Fluttershy said.

Rarity was still looking down into the water. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. Because I have something else to tell you." Rarity looked up and it was Fluttershy's turn to look around sheepishly.

"What is it?"

Just say it. Get it over with. "I-I-I-I'm... I'm a stallion."

Rarity looked confused. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm a stallion," repeated Fluttershy, firmly this time.

"No you aren't!" Rarity giggled nervously.

"I am."

"But-but-but, you've got the body of a mare! And the head shape! And I'm quite sure you don't have... you know."

"Geneticists explained it to my parents. I was born with an... extra X chromosome. XXY instead of XY. Hence the girly shape and voice. And... certain parts are, umm, hidden by magic."

"But what about the butterflies and dresses?"

"Who says a stallion can't like those?"

Rarity was distressed. She didn't know how to handle this information. So, right there in the hot tub, she fainted. Fluttershy rubbed her horn, waking the magic inside and directing it toward his cock. It spring into view, full of life and vigor. His aggressive side came out, and he picked up Rarity, carrying her towards the showers.

Applejack was applebucking, and she was in a bad mood. She had gone to Twilight's to say hi and saw Twilight getting down and dirty with Rainbow! She let out a grunt of frustration. Rainbow Dash was hers.

She thought, 'Hmm... Maybe, iffin ah can approach this sitch-e-a-shun raht, I can get... a threesome!' Her nether regions were instantly drenched at the thought. She hadn't gotten any, from Rainbow (or anyone else for that matter), since the dessert festival.

Man she needed to get laid. She sighed and continued applebuckin'. Not five minutes later, an alien spacecraft hovered over her head. She stared at it, and instead of running away like somebody - sorry, somePONY -  with some common sense, she stood there like a jackass.

The alien ship was huge. Not like one of those little bitch-ass orbs you see on TV shows. No, this was was fucking gargantuan. It was the fucking T-Rex of alien ships. It darkened the sky, blocking out the sun.

Suddenly, a hole in the bottom opened up wide.

Hey, just like me when I get la-

Applejack was beamed up.

She woke up years later, strapped to a metal table. Her mane had grown thrice it's normal length. It lacked it's healthy golden glow, and was instead almost all gray. Her mane didn't grow that fast! She must have been here for years. Her friends were probably dead... She cried. Until she noticed them.

Dark gray creatures stood around her, each holding a stick or wand that had an egg shape on top. She started to panic.

"What'r' you freaks gunna do tuh me?!" she said, her voice much like Granny Smith's.

Without answering, they each twisted a dial at the bottom of their wands and the metal lengths began to vibrate. Without further ado, they stuck them in any body cavity they could find. Nostrils, ass, vag, whatever. In, out, in out, left, right, left, right. They pounded away at old Applejack.

Their wands began to glow. With a loud charging sound and a ping they each discharged a lazor beam. Five or six lazors shot into various areas of Applejack's body, forcing her entire self to implode.

They aliens cheered, covered in guts. They hit a switch and confetti rained down on them. They started to dance as annoying music started to play. You know, that shitty song from that bar in Star Wars? The one that they played ALL the god-damned time? Yeah, they had that shit on cassette.

END PART ONE