Restless Nights

by Silver Flare

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 2670

Burdened beneath enough guilt, a feather can weigh a ton.

Equestria has flourished in Luna's absence. That's a good thing, right?

Written for EQD's Friend Off, inspired by the incredible artwork of Huussii.

Published 2015-08-20 03:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-20 03:50:02 UTC

Never Forget

Princess Luna's face hurt. Her cheek muscles bemoaned their lot in life with deep aches and the occasional twitch. They insisted, quite forcefully, that if they weren't released from this rictus soon, they might choose to remain this way for ever and ever. Despite these formal complaints, she continued to grin. The expression wouldn't leave her face.

“Oh Kibbitz, 'twas a night full of delightful frivolity and foalish games! We are most pleased!” Luna's neck arched proudly as she fairly pranced across the balcony she'd lit upon only moments ago.

The stuffy unicorn she addressed, who had just finished smothering a yawn, arched an eyebrow. Then, upon reflection, he arched the other eyebrow as well. “That's... That's quite the spot of good news, Your Highness.” His glance towards the armored sarosian still standing at attention by the railing asked Is she feeling quite alright?

The bat pony's return smile/shrug managed to say She's not under any enchantment or spell, if that's what your eyebrows were asking. Maybe a spot of hard cider, but nothing crazy. She's just happy.

Ah, lovely. His expression replied.

Luna, as she so often chose to do, ignored the silent exchange. “When we first arrived in Ponyville, we were met with such fear, Kibbitz! Such terror and loathing! Enough to weigh our royal spirit, dragging it towards despondency! But then young Sparkle, she and her companions took it 'pon themselves to bridge the gap 'twixt us and our subjects!”

“A noble gesture, certainly,” Kibbitz droned.

“Noble indeed!” Luna gestured, encompassing the entire broad expanse of the night sky, as though she could display her memories upon that gilded canvas. “Then we partook in peasant games! We played 'Gently Toss the Arachnid' and 'Assault 'Pon Castle Squash' and... Oh! And 'Bobbing for the Apples.' Yes! We even rescued a foal in mortal peril! Hah!” Her grin spread even wider, causing one cheek to twitch. She absently rubbed the spot with a hoof.

“Your Highness, perhaps the term 'peasant' could be substituted for...”

“The apples were both rustic and sweet.” Luna turned towards her remaining guard. “Moss Wing, your princess would enjoy an apple. One which has been candied!”

“Of course, Your Highness.” The mare ducked into a bow with her leathery wings spread. Then she launched herself backwards off the balcony.

“Ensure it is served upon a stick!” The princess returned her excitement back to the unicorn before her. “'Tis the proper way to enjoy such treats, we understand.”

Kibbitz blinked owlishly from behind his glasses. “Of course. Is there anything you wish to add, Your Highness, or does that conclude this night's report?”

“A few minutes more, Kibbitz.” Luna strolled through soft, heavy curtains of the deepest blue, making them billow dramatically. She pitched her voice through the aperture. “We wish to patrol the dreamscape before we lower the moon tonight.”

Kibbitz sighed heavily, yet somehow completely silently, before turning to follow in the princess's hoofsteps. “Of course, Your Majesty.”

Minutes passed, and Kibbitz was just beginning to flex each leg in turn to keep them from stiffening up when Luna's eyes flew open. His mouth stretched a fraction into what one might, if they were feeling very, very generous, call not-a-frown. “Your Highness,” he said.

Luna did not reply. Her gaze studied things far, far away as she rose fluidly from her cushion, stretching and settling her wings absently. She walked past her long row of bookshelves without glancing at them, past the ornate and incredibly expensive fireplace. Then she turned, eyes scanning the vast fresco of the night sky adorning the dome of her ceiling until they came to rest on the moon, full and gravid and excruciatingly detailed.

Kibbitz's expression of practiced boredom slowly gave way to concern. He adjusted his glasses, as well as his tone. “... Your Highness?”

“Tell my sister that the night has been calmed, and that her Equestria remains safe.”

He steadied himself, seemingly swallowing his hesitation. “A-and the nightmares, Your Highness?”

She did not speak, did not acknowledge the question. And her gaze never left the vivid moon staring back at her. Not until there was a light rap upon her door. Then she sighed, deliberately turning away from the arrangement of paints. “Enter!”

As the door opened, Luna stopped next to Kibbitz and lowered her head a bit, so as not to overly loom above him. “Tell our sister that the night terrors of our subjects persist. Inform her that... That we are still the source for many of these unpleasant dreams.”

Kibbitz's already long face lengthened a bit more. “I understand, Your Highness.”

An earth pony had arrived, bearing upon his back a silver tray. He removed the cover for said tray with a flourish and an eager expression. Upon the immaculate silver rested a voluminous candied apple, complete with wooden stick set at a slightly jaunty angle, the barest suggestion of steam still wafting invitingly from the concoction. The sweet scent was lightly spiced with hints of cinnamon and clove.

“We are no longer hungry.” Luna lifted her nose in the universal gesture of dismissal, and the pony covered his expression of disappointment almost as quickly as he covered the apple. He gently bowed, backed away, and turned to leave.

“WAIT!” Luna's outburst startled both ponies, and Kibbitz, being nearer to the blast, fumbled to reorient his suddenly-lively glasses. “Um, we are, uh, very pleased with the prompt and, uh, succulent nature of the treat thou presented. Please, do not let the fickle nature of our stomach depress thy spirits! It would please us if thou would enjoy the morsel on our behalf.” She finished her outburst with a smile that was only a teensy bit awkward.

The serving pony glanced both left and right, as though a smattering of ponies might burst out of hiding and reveal the whole thing to be an elaborate and incredibly odd prank. When no evidence appeared to support said assumption, he offered a smile of his own. “Oh, it's no trouble, Your Highness. Thank you very much for your consideration.” When the awkward moment persisted, he took his leave, departing with all the stately panache of one pursued by wolves.

“Your Highness,” Kibbitz shifted uncomfortably. “Is everything quite alright?”

Luna's wings slumped, and her hooves dragged on her way over to a vase containing a single Cereus flower, already wilting in the wake of its full, pale bloom. “Isn't it obvious, Kibbitz? Equestria is wonderful. Glorious, even! Equestria and her inhabitants are as full of love and innocence and... And harmony as we have ever seen it.” She gently caressed a petal. “Equestria is akin to a paradise, now.”

Kibbitz removed his glasses so that he could study them solemnly. “Yes. I suppose it is. Your Majesty.”

Luna steadied herself with a breath. “We thank thee for thy dedication and service, Kibbitz, and we are certain our sister appreciates thy efforts as well. Wish her a pleasant day for us, as we shall lower the moon and turn in early this morning.”

The aged unicorn berated, chided, and ultimately threatened his facial muscles until they assumed what he fervently hoped was a comforting smile. “Of course, Your Highness.”

Equestria swept out before Luna in a vast panoply of swirling colors. The rich green of fields lent the playful breeze an earthy scent, filling her nose with heady verdancy. The sunlight reflected off of waterfalls pouring themselves off of distant mountains and promontories, adding a subtle, crisp and invigorating chill to the air. Above, azure perfection arched endlessly towards firey reds, fierce with the sun's passing.

Luna turned, and in turning found herself in the center of a humble town. Ponies trotted by, immersed in a content sort of business. They worked stalls, ran shops, hammered and cut and watered and painted their pretty little corner of the world, paying no mind to the dark, lonely goddess in their midst. They even treated each other well, compassion and consideration flowing between them in palpable currents. There wasn't a drop of darkness to mar the perfection. The heartbeat of their community was steady and strong.

The beauty smote Luna's heart. She turned and fled, bitter tears leaking into her fur. But she didn't flee from the ponies. She fled from the bitter, hollow place in her heart.

Several days later, Canterlot's own Market Lane was busy, the late evening rays casting long shadows against the gentle sea of ponies. The decadent scents of jasmine and hibiscus meshed perfectly with the tailored and expensive looks the Canterlot elite strove desperately to project. Jewelers arranged their wares in anticipation of the evening crowds, and elegant eateries served exquisitely expensive meals to outdoor diners, as dining out of doors seemed all the rage this season.

Princess Luna, having already woken and tended to her mane for the coming night, munched happily upon a simple doughnut as she walked. Despite the bustling city life, she found her path always remarkably clear of obstruction.

“And then,” Celestia continued, “The reindeer ambassador turned to the gryphon and said, 'You are quite mistaken. Waiter! Bring me a dish of your finest chicken!'”

Luna had to work hard to keep from spraying innocent, slightly starstruck passerby with a muzzlefull of coffee. After a moment's struggle, she won the fight and swallowed the precious liquid down the proper hatch. “He said what? Sister, that's delightfully absurd! Such whimsy!”

Celestia's smile deepened. “I thought you might enjoy that little story.”

“Tell me true,” Luna injected as much gravity into her voice as she could muster. “Did it really transpire exactly as you said?”

“Every word.”

“HAH!” The single bark nearly overturned a hat that closely resembled the rear half of an agitated peacock. The pony trapped beneath the monstrosity harrumphed and hurried on her way.

“There's little else to tell about the day.” Celestia gazed fondly about at the ponies going through their lives. “Equestria is at peace.” It took her three or four steps to notice she walked alone. Celestia turned to find Luna closely studying a wrought iron lamppost. She waited a moment, one forehoof lifted delicately off the cobblestone. “Luna?”

Luna startled out of her trance, hastening to rejoin her sister before the guards following them caught up to within earshot. Her muzzle scrunched up with the effort of finding her voice. “Tia?”

Celestia fell into step alongside Luna, suddenly aware of a thickening of the atmosphere. “Yes? What is it?”

“We've been having this dream. It is the same dream, night after night. It does not vary.”

“Hmmm... Kibbitz has expressed concern for your well-being lately. Are these dreams upsetting in some way?” Celestia asked.

Luna drained her mug and set it on a nearby bench for one of the trailing guards to collect. “'Tis difficult to describe in full. Yet the Equestria of our dreams is a marvelous tapestry, unveiling in tranquility and beauty in every direction. The sky is without flaw, and the ponies beneath it work and play in harmony.” She hesitated, unsure how to phrase the rest.

“Does something terrible happen in your dream?” Celestia looked very worried. “Does some natural disaster occur, perhaps?”

“No.” Luna finished her doughnut in one enormous bite, as she frequently did, to buy herself a moment to think. “Nothing of the sort. The land is peaceful throughout.”

“Oh, that's wonderful!” Celestia beamed. And it was helpful to note that Celestia was perhaps the single most accomplished individual in all of creation when it came to beaming. This was no exaggeration. “I'm so happy to hear that! I was afraid your dreams were troubled, dear sister.”

Luna sighed, her gaze growing vacant. “Indeed. Far from it.” She had not intended to come to a stop before a shop selling frivolous novelties, but her gaze was drawn to the window where all manner of Nightmare Night accessories were on display, surrounded by large colorful signs imploring passerby that the prices had been, presumably tragically, 'slashed to ribbons' in the wake of said holiday.

A small bucket of evil Nightmare Moon fangs was on display right next to a collection of evil Nightmare Moon helms, perched right next to some equally evil Nightmare Moon cloaks, complete with emblazoned glow-in-the-dark cutie marks. Familiar ones.

Celestia scowled, her one visible ear twitching. She wasn't quite as good at scowling as she was at beaming, but it was close. She waited for the trailing cadre of guards to catch up, and she began whispering urgently to one of them.

Luna sighed, and placed herself between Celestia and the offensive items. “Please.” Her eyes shone in the setting sun. “They are but trinkets. Foal's toys.”

“They're an insult.” Celestia was upset. Actually upset. And on her behalf, too. Luna could feel the love, concern and even forgiveness radiating off of her sibling. “I never liked these things before, but now, with your return, they're just...”

Luna smiled for her sister. “Yet they bother me none.” She wasn't lying. Not exactly. She leaned in to offer a reassuring hug, her shoulder resting against Celestia's powerful neck. “Equestria should remember. Everypony should remember.”

“But that's all in the past now.”

“And being such makes it no less real.” Luna nodded her understanding, sharing it even as it dawned upon her. “We must remember the mistakes of the past if we wish to avoid the snares of the future.”

Celestia drew in a deep breath, then she let it out slowly. She pulled away from the embrace. “As you wish it.” Her smile this time was full of pride.

Luna fell into step beside her sister again as they left the questionable shop items to dwell obliviously with their 'slashed to ribbons' prices. Luna pondered deeply as they turned up the lane that led back to the castle. She knew her sister forgave her for turning against her and attacking her and her subjects. She knew it was a millennia ago, at this point. Those around her frequently urged her to set the memories aside.

Yet how could she? How could she forget such shame? How could she allow herself to indulge in the harmony she'd once worked so hard to destroy? Little wonder her sister's forgiveness stung so very deeply.

It was the same dream again. The gorgeous painting that was Equestria spread before her. The vivid colors she had once occluded proudly adorned the sky. The ponies in the town below her conducted their brief, beautiful lives. The same sort of lives Luna had once attacked in her selfish jealousy and haughty indifference. The harmony around her made her weep, as it always did. She had sought to break this balance. She had attempted to usurp the ebb and flow of harmony to comfort herself from slights which, in hindsight, seemed petty.

She wept, knowing that her hoof had no part in building the communities which now flourished. Her guilt was the bitter, hollow space in her heart, and no amount of flight could distance her from it.

Princess Luna shook her head side to side and forced her eyes open, blinking then clear beneath the light of the sun. She studied the town below with a fierce glare. 'This we vow. Equestria will not forget our mistakes.' She whispered. 'Nor shall we.'

Her long horn began to glow, and an answering glow echoed from beneath her peytral. With a grimace and a twist, that bitter hollowness wrenched itself out of her chest, hovering before her. It was amorphous, so the princess used her magic to give it form, sculpting it into parody of herself. She gave it an unbeating heart, hidden within the void of its form, that it might live independently of her. And she gave it a name. And for the first time since her transformation into Nightmare, she knew she finally faced a dream that felt condign. She deserved this. When she spoke, her voice rang with authority.

“Greetings Tantibus! We are ready. Do your worst.”