Aoi: Agent of Chaos

by Io

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Random, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe
Length: 49705

There's a fine line between chaos and harmony, well, time to cross it, about a half a million times

=CURRENTLY IN REBOOT PURGATORY=

'Spontaneous encounter with an entity capable of disguising itself as Ozzy Osborne? Check!

Multidimensional contract that could upset the very fabric of time and space? Check!

Matrix Reference? Check!

Scones? That's a double check on that one…

Portals? GLaDOS approved!

What's left? An intro I believe! I'm Aoi Myoujin, the other, other Aoi Myoujin. No, not the homicidal nutbag, the OTHER Aoi, the charismatic, oh-so-dashing, profanity spewing Agent of Chaos: Aoi Myoujin. Why Agent of Chaos? Well, I just so happen to be a freelance agent (a.k.a. unemployed) and apparently my current 'employer' of sorts is apparently a walking spirit of chaos that makes less sense than my average morning ramblings involving asceticism. Consider this your only warning, if you leave now, you'll leave with your sanity intact and that will be the end of it. This fanfic will not look for you, nor will it pursue you…

But if you don't,
this fic will follow you,
it will find you…

and it will love you…'

-Teen due to crude language and humor

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-02 05:01:10 UTC

Oh hai there... [1]

Oh HAI There...

New Years Eve, Liberty Island New York

"If there has been anything I regret in my life, it's this, This is probably the last prank I'll play in this world." I say that while sitting on top of the Statue of Liberty with a satisfied grin on my face on what is about to unfold. My hand on the detonator and my plan made clear: My new years resolution, to give the world a light show so great that everyone will fear, love, and stand in awe at this giant win that no one has even thought of let alone try. So let's blow the roof off of the BIG APPLE, or should I say stem. As the ball drops I remember The areas where I placed the charges. Let the Introduction begin...

My finger's on the button

My Fedora Flies into the air as I throw it

The ball slowly lands in time square

and I press the button.

The overture plays through speakers across New York.

and I can't help thinking that I'm missing a mask, a hat, and a cape.

The trumpets sound after a minute and ten seconds, and my last thoughts for the new year are: "LET'S TORCH THIS SHIT!"

The Charges set off beautifully, The fireworks engulf the Empire state building the ball explodes into confetti and 400 roman candles, and at my end flares and Cannons fire off the top of the Lady's torch. Immediately I hear in a disoriented unison the clamor of millions of citizen, some of shock, some of awe, and a small chorus of "THAT'S A WIN!" all from my throne a top a maiden's crown. Then I hear a voice:

"Bravo, you've managed to instill chaos in an already chaotic world, and that, for me, is impressive." I look across my shoulder to see none other than Discord, a character I knew from being blown away by a bass canon and  got turned into stone someway or another with something similar to a proud look on his face.

'OKAAAAAAY!!!! I've hit insanity, instinct says freak the fuck out, Other option...'

"Beautiful is it not!" waving around an Imaginary conductor wand, "Too bad it's going to be my last one." I said with a twinge of sadness with a repression not to laugh out loud.

"Why stop there?"

"Well mainly it's because as soon as you started talking I felt I might be schitzofrenic at this point, no point going any further with hallucenations, without it my main reason would have been that I've already done everything else everywhere else.

"What about a new world? I've got just the place."

"Yeah, okay let's go along with it. But know this, I believe you are figment of My imagination, if anything I would have expected Death from Dante's Inferno."

"Who now?" He seemed Puzzled.

'SHIT! HE IS REAL!' the realization caused me to go off balance and almost fall.

"How the- wait- am I- are you?-" thoughts swam faster that I could put them to words. Then I paused to allow a few thought cycles to process the last few seconds. I slowly sat up straight and peered off into the distance, musing on the thought that someone from a cartoon was actually real. Now what the fuck do I do now...

"Are you saying...YOU... a guy from a cartoon, can actually send me to another world?"

"Why yes... It's that hard to believe."

"Kind of, the fact that you talk in a manner almost like me IS rather uncanny. But still, I was shown to keep an eye open for possibilities. So if your real, why come to me?" Dumb question, but I wanted to string this along.

"As you said, I'm turned to stone, so can't do anything, including cause chaos. That's where you come in, I need you to fill my roll, and since you now have nothing else to do, mainly due to the legal issues here, I'm offering you the freedom to think of anything you want to do, and you do it. Sound good?"

"Hmm... let me think about it..." *3 second pause for dramatic effect* "Done, shake on it?" I say with a debonair grin.

"You got it." I immediately feel a blow to the back of the head, "Now you might feel just a little woozy as you..." his voice trails off as I slip into unconsiousness.

I wondered what I was getting into, Now I was about to find out...

Day 1, Woodlands Outside of Canterlot

I wake up feeling dull, groggy, and having a need to go to the bathroom. My memory blanks out for several hours until I get to sleeping, then I'm aware that I've been going at things like instinct, in a hut, bag of fruits and vegetables by my side, and a makeshift wooden spear. Woozy my ass, I felt Like I had been through the wake up stage of anesthesia. I'm lucky I didn't just get eaten. I've got food, a shelter, have no idea where I am, screw that I'll think of it in the morning...

... yeah like that would happen. A shadowed figure tries to lunge at me in the darkness, I grab his arms and pin him into the ground, using a free arm to grab my spear and smack him with the blunt end of it. I love taking martial arts classes. The guy is out of it and lies there limply. I tie him/her up and think to myself, 'let's have some fun with this one in the morning.' I drop like a rock back to sleep.

In the morning, I rub my eyes awake... wait, why am I wearing gloves?... *Aoi processing cycle, takes an average of 0.005 seconds to 10 depending on the severity of wierdness*

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IN THE FUCK!!!!" I think the entire forest could hear me. I look at my hands, they're white paws, I look at my body, I have fur all over it, I look in the stream 20 meters from here, "I'M A FUCKING BLACK AND WHITE WOLF!"

"I'm in the land of FURRY FANDOM..."

*Aoi processing cycle*

"I'M IN FUCKING EQUESTRIA!!!!!!!"

After a mini freak out session I try and calm down and think, NOT FUCKING WORKING!!! Then the guy who tried to jump me last night starts to wake up, I smash a branch against his head that knocks him out for several hours.

"Well well well, got up on the wrong side of the bed did we now?" I hear Discord's voice in my head, sounding like a reverberating voice from Amnesia.

"What the SHIT! You actually did it! I could hug your statue and kick it's ass at the same time, I just don't know which..."

"Well whatever you do, take care of that guy first..." I look back at the now passed out stallion... hmmm....

A few hours later

I climb up a tree to get a good seat for the scene to come, oh this is going to be good.

"...So you're the one who was trying to steal my food last night, is that right?" I just sat there on a treebranch with a childish grin, chin placed in both arms.

"Let me go this INSTANT!" The brutish stallion demanded restrained sitting on a small patch of leaves.

Questions to be answered by the time I die: Why do people use demands when clearly they are in a helpless situation?

"And why would I do that?" Now sitting upwright swinging my legs.

"So I can kick your hide to the next town over."

"All the more reason to keep you tied up. You still haven't answered my question good sir. You are the person who tried to steal my food last night are you not?" I never liked having unanswered questions.

"What do you think?!" Apparently blunt as a club this one. Trying to get his way simply by brute force. I had juuuuuuust the solution for this one. I pulled out a small paper bag from out of my cloak, wait, when did I get a paper bag?

"You must have been very hungry to try and steal from me... but I do have a rather strange diet compared to others. Right now, the only food I have on my person are fruit. Now I'm feeling quite generous considering you just tried to rob me and possibly kill me. Would you like something to eat?" the Stallion paused for a moment wondering what was going through my head, considering I'm now a wolf that eats fruit... The slightly grinned thinking of exploiting my kindness.

"Why yes, I'm famished." He tried to imitate my tone, trying to insult me is he...

"Tell me..." My face changes to one of supressive entertainment as I pull out something from the bag,"... do you like bananas?" I shake a ripe flawless one in my hand. He starts to drool.

"Yes... YES... Oh CELESTIA YES!!!" Happy as a clam provided he wanted to kick my ass half a second ago, guessing he hasn't eaten for days, no wonder he's cranky.

"So you are a, mmmmmbeyetch, that likes, mmmmmmbananas?" I said softly with silent giggling.

"YES, I LIKE BANANAS!" Becoming annoyed of me asking meaningless questions. Damn, he really wants to get the fruit...

"Oh well good..." I tugged a rope that triggered the trap hole underneath the struggling stallion, also triggering a small flare next to a store of gunpowder from a nearby village,

"CUZ YOU ABOUT TA GO BANANAS! ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH...."

The explosive mix beneath the stallion erupted and caused him to fly approximatedly 400 feet into the air at a trajectory due west of my position, by my map the same area of Canterlot, my next destination, and just before he flew out of earshot,

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETCH!" I laughed so hard I lost balance and fell out of the tree still laughing and coughing due to the Impact, then sat into a half stable position.

"Did anyone get that, please say you did." After I calmed down a bit I heard Laughter right behind me, I could tell He was having fun.

"Etched into my brain forever. Ohhh...... this is what I mostly miss about chaos, the freedom to do something simply because you can. Where did you get that Line?!" Still trying to fight off the laughter, I see Discord in a sort of spectral translucency.

"A little slice of heaven from my world called the randomness of the Internet.... ahhh" a sigh after a big laugh, satisfying yet hurts a little at the same time, the good kind of hurt. Oh well, I've had my fun for the day. Now thinking time.

So this is my life right now? Now as to how I got here.............

...........i haven't the slightest Idea, until...

"*GASP!* I've jumped dimensions! NOBODY MOVE!" I start looking around fervently to find something,"I dropped my brain... Discord take a letter: I, Aoi Myoujin, Have traveled across dimensions!!!" He grabs a 'ghost pad' and starts writing, I grin slightly.

"I do believe you've gotten absolutely nuts!" pulls up a chair to sit in.

"I'm going to let you in on a secret here buddy boy... all the best people are..." I fall back into the soft grass.

"Oh my GAWD how good it feels to actually lay down in the grass, try it sometime, wait, you're in stone. Lolz." It struck a sour note with Discord as he raised his eyebrow.

"Well, on another note, I'm going to be here a while, so now you've got a new companion."

"Oh? Never had one of those..." My head starts to hurt... I don't like it...

"Hmm... that's interesting..." Perplex by either my sudden headache or my lack of a companion.

"Biatch plaese, that's nowhere even near as interesting as... wait... how long exactly have you been spying on my life?" Somewhat intrigued...

"Your first escapade I'd say." THAT LONG? No wonder I always felt being watched when I caused havoc.

"Oh yeah...... the cherrybomb in the toilet. School closed for a week... WAIT! You are saying YOU! SAW! EVERYTHING!?" Pausing between Exclamation points with rigid, random arm movements.

"Surprise! I'm the little devil on your shoulder, but we've never met officially till now..." ....stalker...

"BTW, so do the laws of physics still apply here?" ....wanted to try something out...

"Try them out... you might be suprised..." Immediately as he said that I started sliding through the dirt on my knees, arms flailing out behind me.

"Troloololololoolololloololol...." It worked, suffice to say, "SOME but not ALL!" I cackled Triumphantly. 'CARTOON IMPLICATIONS ACTIVATE BOOP!' I got up slowly and turned around slowly...

"Discord?... I may regret saying this later... and this might actually be the first time I ever say fully mean it... but Thanks."

"Oh happy to help, I'm glad to actually find SOMEONE worth getting over here. So, what happens next?" Discord asked Inquisitively...

"Now?" putting on my best german accent, "Let's go practice chaos."

Class-holes [2]

Class-holes

"Captain's log star date 2: I FIND myself in an ALterNATE UNIVERSE where ALL seem to be some form of ANthroMORphic sentient BEING! I mySELF have been TRANSFORMED by this peculiar phenominon. The DISTANCE to the NEAREST CIViliZAtion is less than a mile away. I MUST GO to resupply for my stores of food have ALL run out. I've... GOT TO MISTER!!!" I flip the log diary back into my cloak, remembering that I just dictated everything. Then strangely remembered that I got the flipbook out of nowhere... WAIT! this can only mean one thing...

"Well, that's CERTAINLY a way to make your plans known to the world." Discord glanced at his claws/paws/talons? after interupting my revelation.

"It keeps me on schedule." I can still manage to pull an awesome face, even with a large muzzle now. Which I kind of have to say, is kind of awkward to chew with, "Anyway, next stop CANTERLOT!"

"oh goodie..." Discord didn't seem to like the Idea. Which reminds me...

Questions to be answered before I die: Why is it named Canterlot and how does this portain to the pun of horses? I know it's a play on words of Camelot...

"Oh speak of the Devil..." I gazed up at the city on the side of a cliff. There it is... Canterlot... Canterlot... Canterlot...

"It's only a model..." Discord said as I realized I was looking at a poster. Wait how did he just read my mind just then?

"Eh?" I turn around quizzically.

"On another note figure it out yet?" Discord trying to apparently get back to my train of thought, that's a surprise.

"Yes actually. It's something the Internet has Dubbed, 'Hammer Space'." I emphasize my point by pulling out a comically oversized mallet, DAFUQ? I stare with dilated pupils, "Let's talk about it later."

"Agreed," Somewhat surprised and intrigued himself.

"... And we're off!" I turn around and slam into the post where the sign was. Wow... the universe itself is pulling the signpost turnabout gag. I have been officially trolled... I pry my face from the sign and walk around it...

"And Where do you think you're going, morsel?" I turn slowly and find myself face to face with a 600 foot tall dragon, strawberry flavoured. MY GOD, IT'S SKYRIM ALL OVER AGAIN! Atleast the dragons here speak english.

"Canterlot my fellow reptile of the draco family, why should you be privvy to that information?"

"Well, I haven't eaten yet, and you do look so tender and moist." Dammit I should have skipped the bath in the stream.

"Sorry big boi, I'm not an entree." I brush myself off from the rings of smoke. He raised his head blowing fumes of fire.

"Oh so you are van vith de voice?!" I say in a horrible graybeard impression. I ponder for a bit, cartoons surprisingly give you enough time to think. Since half of the laws of physics have gone to shit, 50% chance it won't hurt to try this. I start singing:

"He's regretting wearing a sleeveless tunic for this fight...." Big Inhale, "VOICE ATTACK!"

The wind erupted from my voice staggering the dragon and causing it to fall, HOLY SHIT I just pulled a big bad wolf move, except I'm crazy and and have the capability of singing Soprano and Alto Arias, don't ask.

"No time..." I look around for someone else to tell... then look back at the dragon... "r-run..."

10 minutes later, Canterlot

"DRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!" I shout in one breath as I pass through the streets, being heard by the hundreds of ponies, Including the princesses.

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOLF!" I hear others say I glance at one fainting at the sight of me. I stop and slide to an abrupt stop to facepaw, dragging my paw down my face to wipe the remnance of annoyance into a calm expression. Then I remember that all I'm wearing is a long cloak, and everyone else is fully dressed. They must think I'm streaking. In the few seconds that come next and in the future will probably regret and forget later, I think this was totally worth it. I turn slowly and strike a debonair pose, Pelvic thrusting twice in rhythmic succession while singing:

"I'm Sexy and I know it." A Techno bit playing me off... everymare just about faints while a few stallions barf into trashcans. That bad huh... maybe I'll do a full scale boogie to dubstep later on. Then...

'SHIT! I forgot about the dragon!' Too late, it already arrived and guess what, it started going through the windows and snatching ponies up. Then I remembered Hammerspace, GOOD OLD NONSENSE.

"Crowbar, no, rubberduck, no, bass cannon?!, I'm keeping that, lolkitty, ADORABLENESS! PACIFY THE BITCHES!, Diamond Sword, HELL YEAH!"

I slowly walk up to the dragon draggin the sword along the ground, making badace sparks, I grasp the rune of the blade parallel to the ground, Dammit this would be 20% more badace if I had sunglasses. With The bass cannon ready, and Discord on the Electric Guitar, let the show begin:

Do you like my sword, sword?

Sword, my diamond sword, sword

*raise sword*

You can not afford, 'ford

Ford, my diamond sword, sword

Even if you could, could

I have a patent!

*poke dragon's foot*

No one else can make a sword

Exactly in this manner, manner

Welcome to my manor, manor

I ca ca ca canna canna

*grin*

Swing, swing, swing my sword, sword

Whenever I get bored, bored

I can swing my sword, sword

I can swing my sword, sword!

*shaves dragon scales*

Once I hit the floor boards *breaks pavement*

But I had it restored

And it was expensive *Guy hands me the bill*

But it was a write off!

Swinging is my business

And by that I mean swinging swords

Please do not ignore

Do you like my sword?

Ha!

That was rhetorical

You know I am the oracle

I know you like my sword

It's made of freakin' diamonds *drool on the sword*

If you don't you're lying

But that would be fine

Because it is awesome

And you're probably jealous! *dragon looks jealous*

I can swing my sword, sword

'Cause I am the lord, lord

Lord of diamond swooooorrrrrddddssssah!

HA HA HA HA HA!

"You know all you really did was shave his scales off right." Discord pointed to the reality.

"Husshhshshshshshshshshhshshshhhhhhhhhh" Start spitting in Discords face, "Now," crack my neck, "We fight dragons." I put the diamond sword and bass cannon away and pull out a katana, OMG they friggin have them, don't have the hamon though probably because it wasn't animated, lol.

Misinterpreted Lyrics:

Dovakiin! For the Win! *High Jump*

For the sake of Skyrim! *Slow fall*

Go and Fly, all of you! *Slash against the Horn*

But your all so dumb! *parry Oncoming Chomp*

But I know your all dumb

Although DON'T Eat those socks *That was a Close Bite*

Dovakiin, FTW! *Hammer to the Face*

Total Awesomedom! *Slash to the eyeball*

Trumpent Ensembly *Drop as the blood pour out from the eyeball, land softly and go around to the back as he flails, Dashing Up the spine from the tail*

We all just want to have fuuuun and siiiiiiiing: *Halfway up*

rah rah rah *dragon head smashes into overhead bridge*

rah rah rah *Almost lose my grip*

the big bang was a decent SIIIIIIIIIIIT COOOOOOOOOOM! *Damn right it was*

(I'm gonna stop now...)

The exposed flesh was still too thick to hit a vital organ, so I keep traveling up the spine of the Dragon, toward the head of the beast. The dragon tries to smash his back into the wall, I take a deep breath and try to counter the momentum,

"FUS RO DAH," It worked as it pressed me right up against the spine. Thank you cartoon physics. I almost reach the top and try to secure myself in place by stabbing the sword in the dragon's spine, apparently I hit the spinal cord because the dragon started to careen.

'Well I'm right fuqed aren't I' I start to descend as the dragon's neck falls, one thought crosses my mind that I simply must put to words....

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW!" Discord Facetaloned on the way down. The dragon started to regain consciousness but then collapsed due to the strain, and the neck toppled into the ground segment by segment, the head being the last to make contact with the ground, bringing up dust and dirt covering all of the ponies around us. I stand slowly to a crowd of cheering finding sunglasses in hammerspace, I slowly rise, katana in one hand, sunglasses in the other. 'AND THE CROWD GOES WILD!!!' I step a few steps forward, sheathing the katana.

"A mean old dragon," I adorn the sunglasses, "slain by the big bad wolf." Definitely going in the one-liners list.

"YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Thanks Discord.

Then the moment that kills it all, Princess Luna enter stage left

Excuuuuuuuse ME Princess [3]

Excuuuuuuuuuuuse ME Princess

"Well Hello there," I place the sunglasses on my forehead, "Surprised?"

"Who, and what are you?" Luna seem perplexed.

"I am Aoi Myoujin, At your service. Now as for What I am, depends on the context." Time to get all existential and stuff, "I am 1) the guy who just saved Canterlot from a dragon and 2) A wolf looking for supplies if you're offering." Luna then had a suspicious look in her eyes.

"Well, on account of your bravery, me and my sister would like to cordialy invite you to the castle in order to thank you properly," her suspicious look turned to a soft smile, 'NOT GOOD', "And aid you if we can on your travels.

"Thank you your majesty, but if you don't mind may I stay behind for a bit?" she nodded, as if understanding what was about to happen. Shame to leave a dragon just laying there... "Would you be so kind as to allow some of your guards to help move the body into the fields? Also, could you be so kind as to invite the Canterlot Orchestra?" She nodded, wrote a letter, then motioned to 150 guards, and we proceeded to carry the dragon towards the clearing where I first saw it. When finished, the guards had mixed feelings and curiosities on why I wanted this done. I stood at the dragon's head in order to project my voice unto the crowd. Octavia, the Canterlot Symphony orchestra, and Midas, resident pipist, accompanied me. The night sky was perfect, I passed out some sheet music for Octavia to perform, with a violin. She stared at me with questions, but all I simply said was, "Listen to what the music says to your soul, your hands will follow." She started to smile gently. I asked Midas to play "Bonny Portmare" as soon as I started speaking:

"All who are gathered here today, gather to remember the great dragon Strawberry Lily," named because she looked like one, "who was slain earlier today by my hand." this started to bring even more curiosity, "In her memory, I would like to say a few words:

For the one day you landed in the clearings of Canterlot, you saw me as sustanance,

Today I stand before you and see you as fallen comrade.

For there is always a tragedy when a life is lost.

Who knows, maybe a few days earlier, we could have met as friends.

I know not much of the ancient dragon tongue, but enough to wish you

farewell, Drem Sil Lok, 'peace to your soul of the sky'

For your body will decay, but your spirit lingers on.

Fly once again a voyage across the stars

raised by our fair Princess Luna. May your soul fly on the winds

made by this, a seranade to a moon filled sky." I nodded to Octavia and the Orchestra as there cue to play, the crowd watched as the melody washed over them. By this point everyone was in tears. The dragon's body suddenly disolved piece by piece like little fireflies into the air. Even Discord Shed a Tear.

"Never knew you of one who cared for life." Discord said almost chokingly, my head started to hurt again. I need more sleep...

Princess Luna and Princess Celestia both walked up to me, "You did a good thing here mister..." Celestia struggles with my name,

"Aoi."

"Oh I'm sorry, did I step on your toe?" She tried to see where her hoof was.

"No, My name is Aoi, A-O-I, you say it like Owie." I tried to hide back a smile.

"Oh... sorry, but I still want to thank you properly by saving Canterlot, It means a lot. If there's anything I can do..."

"Say no more, All I need are a few kegs of gunpowder, some power tools, and a few bits for my travels and I'll be on my way." trolololololz. All the items were given to me immediately. WOO!

"Hmm, I honestly have no idea where you're going with this... I like it." Discord Approved.

"Oh yeah, OCTAVIA!" I called after the grayish tan mare.

"Oh, hi. I wanted to thank you again, it seems the cello isn't my only best instrument." Octavia seemed a bit fluttered.

"No, thank you for attending, you played the piece very beautifully, so here's a thank you gift," I gave her a CD that I told her would help her with Vinyl Scratch, "Chaos and Order exist side by side separated by a single line, So it takes a lot of ingenuity to strike a balance between the two so that they can exist at the same time. Music is simply one of the mediums to execute that balance, order allows for Music's Beat and Rhythm, while chaos allows for Music's Mood and Tone, Think about it." My words seems to have clicked a light bulb in her head. She looked at me and nodded.

"Interesting viewpoint, makes sense, yet why balance?" Discord seemed bemused.

"Take my last performance on the Statue of Liberty, on any other day, it would have overstepped the bounds of chaos and tread into panic and mayhem because there would have been no drive, but on New Years Eve, people expect a rather 'explosive end of the year', the Order element, I mearly added the Chaos element, an explosive end that noone could predict, yet still could be enjoyed and appreciated. Hence Chaos is a fine cuisine only when served in compliment with an appetizer of Order. But there doesn't necessarily need to be Order to have Chaos, only a drive to do so. THAT'S what makes Chaos so enjoyable for me, I can change the balance." Discord ruminated on that thought.

"So what about my 'New Ponyville'?" Discord inqured.

"You're what now?"

"I had it all, nothing made sense at all and it didn't have to."

"There you've got it! It wasn't a requirement to make sense, so everything made sense. Chaos like that exists in it's own field, randomness, so there's no limit to chaos like that."

"Hmm, point taken. Well, the paparazzi are coming so better take cover." Wait what? I was soon surrounded by the Equestria Daily Press Team on my endeavor of killing a dragon. You'd think they'd have different kinds of news to report. I reach into my cloak and grab a smoke bomb, how I ever lived without hammerspace I'll never know. I dissappear from the crowd and take a little detour of the Castle.

Right when I make it into the castle, I bump into Princess Celestia.

"Oh, hello there, what brings you here? Nevermind, I actually had a question I wanted to ask you."

'NOT GOOD!'

"What may that be?" I didn't like where this is going.

"You said you were a wolf, strangely enough the last time I met a wolf was around 670 years ago, him being the last of his kind, how is it that you are here today?"

'SHIT! DUDE! THE POPOS ONTO ME!'

"Well do you want the truth or the David Caruso truth?" Please say latter.

"Is there a difference?" Little impatient if you ask me.

"Well then, it seems," nods to lower sunglasses, "too good to be true." CSI: Mareami Beyetch!

"You see, I got all up and magicked here in the search to kick ass and chew bubble gum. Problem was, I was all out of gum." I could've sworn she chuckled, "I seriously just woke up one morning with paws for digits and fur."

"You could be a diamond dog."

"A what now?"

"Canines that live in the far north that feed off of gemstones." to this I responded with an indifferent look on my face, pulling out a ruby, trying to bite down on it, and have it come out seemless as before.

"Pretty sure I'm not that."

"Well in anycase, we need to get you relocated somewhere, being that there are no records of your existence. How about... *shuffling through documents* Ponyville?" Talk about seren-fuckin-dipity.

"Sound like a place to tighten my roots, get down with some apple pies, etc. etc." She seemed kind of lacking in personality, or maybe because it was 4 AM in the morning and neither of us had any sleep, "When's the train coming?"

"No train, Infact. In about 2 seconds you'll be there." suddenly I felt a trap door open below me, and I fell into a tube like structure.

"OH WHAT THE-" the cannon fired...

"FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHK!"

"You have a nice trip now." Celestia waved as I soared through the air, stringing together long chains of obscenities. As I reached peak height Discord soon asked,

"Got a parachute?" He had the widest fucking grin I ever saw on a thing that was 2 fists in diameter. In response, I undid my cloak and used it as a parachute. The last thing I thought before falling was this:

"Who the fuck are you?! Gacha***?"

Question to be answered before I die: Who the hell is Gatcha***?

==========================================================================================

Dear Princess Celestia,

It's Me, Aoi. I'm writing this to you while falling towards ponyville.

Where did you get the cannon and how much did it cost?

I learned that any type of fabric can double as a parachute, and Not to trust carpets with square indentations.

Sincerely,

The guy you just shot out of a cannon.

PS: SOOOO not going to be on the moon anytime soon.

A Broken Record [4x]

A Broken Record

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" I start screaming and clutching my head, Images of red flash across my memory as a searing pain washes over my head. I bash my head against the wall to find some for of relief, It doesn't work. I stumble outside still clutching my head into a group of Bandits, 5 renegade pegasi. They spot me and draw their weapons stained with blood... blood... so much blood...

'Blood, murder, death, madness, cruel, violent, alone'

I slowly regain a rigid stature... a blood vessel breaks in my left eye and blood streams down my face.

'Just die... leave me alone... LEAVE ME ALONE!!!'

One pegasi lunges for me, I grab his arm and twist it around to his backside, continuing the motion and stabbing him int the spine. He loosens the grip of the blade. I throw the blade at the other one just behind me, going straight through the skull, grabbing the blade again and with one solid motion split the skull of the second bandit and cleaving the third in half, then taking the third bandit's blade I slit the throat of the 4th and then throw both swords at the last bandits neck, cleanly severing the head from the torso. The ground runs red with blood, as I remember Who I am and what happened...

I collapse on my knees, crying in the resulting downpour, a notion of thought that the sky mourns for those who used to dwell in it, no matter what they did,  my hands are stained with blood. Crying hurts, I try to wipe it away to have it only hurt even more.  Discord appears and sees me...

"A Memory wall, huh... those things never end well... Depending on what you kept back, your brain could be permanently scrambled... You told me before you off and poofed out of the hospital that you'd explain later. Later is now, and this is basically the only treatment for you right now." He had a solid point. I place my hand over my eye and tell him the story. Neither of us was going to like it.

Aoi, 4 years old

"Hi mommy, Hi daddy!" I loved it when they were home.

"Have you been a good little boy?" Mom and dad both had to work to support us.

"Uh-huh! So whatcha making?" I was alway's curious of how mom always cooked.

"I'm making your favorite, Apple Pie," Mom's apple pies were the greatest.

Then later that night, I couldn't sleep, so I went to sleep with mom and dad. Through the crack of the door I saw a man, long trenchcoat, a mad hungry look in his eyes. He stabbed dad 4 times before he let him die, then slit mom's throat. Blood drenched everything, the carpets, the bed, the rug, and that man's coat. I hated him, I hated him for it, I cried, but no wimpers, just tears, trickling down from the ducts of eyes wide open from horror. I ran at him. He tried to slash at me with the knife, I grabbed it, and drove it deep into his heart, all saying the same thing,

"Leave me alone, Just leave me alone........ just die and leave me alone........"

The cops found me later in a fetal position, eyes with ruptured blood vessels, knife clutched in my hand...

a week after I gained consiousness, I remembered nothing, I started life anew in the hospital. I never felt sad since then, nor anger, nor fear, just happiness and a placid enjoyment of life, no matter how strange things got.

"So that's why you've always had the utmost respect for life, you only took life to protect, and even then it made you hate the concept of death."

"Now you know, I enacted all manners of chaos and freedom, to chide myself away from the true evils of the world. So let me ask you this, what happens now?"

"This you cannot be let loose on the world, this you of unstable rage, a you completely based on violence and hatred, it doesn't make anything but instead becomes a virus that feeds off of you, now it's too strong to just forget. What I'm going to do, consider this an act of," he sighed at what he was about to say,"friendship." Discord rebuilt the memory wall inside my subconscious, only a small crack to allow a steady flow, not so much as I forget, but to remember only the parts that matter and that make me... me. before the last 'brick' was sealed into place, I simply said one thing more,

"Your the first friend I ever had..."

It's funny what he was doing, fixing a chaotic mind to better me, It goes against his very nature...

...But that's why he can do it.

==============================================================================

Dear Princess Celestia

I made a new friend, I believe you've met him before...

Your favorite wolf,

Aoi

==================================================================

This is my first Gaiden Chapter. It's not meant to be part of the streamline story, but it reveals more about the character if chosen to be read and connects with the other gaiden chapter. The Gaiden chapters will be edited to reveal more and more of the story. So don't ever think that it stops there.

Wolfgroove [5]

Wolfgroove

Day 4 of Life in Ponyville

I finally got myself a house in Ponyville, after a due amount of string pulling due to the 40 bit public disturbance fine.

=3 days prior=

"What? At least Rarity finally got back to sleep, if anything, she owes us for destruction of property."

=Present=

And Rarity apologized and made up for it by making me and Vinyl some swagadelic new duds for the Canterlot Annual Ball. Vinyl's in charge for the music, much to the disdain of Octavia, and I got a top hat and a tux, an honored guest of the princesses. Although there's only one problem: 'I can't waltz worth shit.'

"BWAHAHAHHAH! Dancing?! I'd sooner make a rainbow sunset than dance at a party," Discord laughed at the notion that I was actually invited to the Ball, "By the way, why did you ask for some power tools while we were about to leave Canterlot?"

=2 Days Prior=

"Derpy, could you mail these to Princess Celestia in Canterlot?"  I asked the resident mailmare in Ponyville.

"Sure thing, Rainbow Dash!"

"I'm not Rainbow Dash..." I stopped trying to figure out her reasoning long ago.

-Royal Palace, Canterlot-

"Sis! We got mail!"  Luna said excitingly, she liked getting mail.

"Oh? I wonder who it's from?" Celestia normally received letters from Twilight Sparkle, so getting letters from someone else seemed like a nice change of pace.

"It's from Aoi, the wolf who saved Canterlot a few days ago. and He sent quite a few.

"To The FIRPLACE!" They both jumped onto the couch to find it collapsed underneath them causing them to land with a thud.

"Looks like we need to get a new couch." Luna said nonchalantly.

"CAN'T... MOVE... WING CRUSHED UNDER FLANK!!!" Luna found her sitting on Celestia's Right wing.

"Oh my, sorry sis..." She got up and helped her get reajusted.

"We don't need a new couch, well I mean we do, but how did a couch break overnight, we just got this one from Dodge?" Celestia pondered.

"Anyway, let's read the letters!" Luna Excitedly Opened up the first one.

Dear Princess Celestia,

It's Me, Aoi. I'm writing this to you while falling towards Ponyville.

Where did you get the cannon and how much did it cost?

I learned that any type of fabric can double as a parachute, and Not to trust carpets with square indentations.

Sincerely,

The guy you just shot out of a cannon.

PS: SOOOO not going to be on the moon anytime soon.

Luna facehoofed while Celestia chuckled.

"You still have that cannon don't you..." Luna inquired with a serious face.

"MAAAAAAAAAYBE. *snicker*" Luna rolled her eyes and opened the next letter.

Dear Luna,

Love your sister, she loves you too...

-Aoi

The both stared at each other and started to cry, then hug each other. Luna started sniffling as Celestia patted her on the back and stroked her mane to comfort her. If you D'AAAAAAW you lose. They kept silent and continued a loving embrace. They understood what the other was going to say, therefore no worlds were needed, excet these,

"I love you Luna..."

"I love you too..." They wiped away their tears and opened up the next letter.

Dear Princess Celestia

I made a new friend, I believe you've met him before...

Your favorite wolf,

Aoi

"I new friend? I wonder who could it be?" Celestia pondered all the people she met...

"Favorite wolf, he's the only wolf." Luna paused for 3 seconds before getting the joke.

=Present date=

Discord fell on the floor with laughter and wiped off a tear before asking,

"You did that? No WONDER you asked for the power tools. but when did you do that?"

"While she was looking for the Ponyville file, I went into the study and unscrewed the legs, and removed the support braces, anything heavier than a softball would make the chair go tumbling down." I stopped to imagine what the princesses' reaction would be...

"But what about the gunpowder?"

"You'll see..." I had a devilish grin,"but first, time to see how I look in my duds." I shuffled around town while playing a personal track of mine over the loud speakers. Vinyl taught me how to tie into the mayors PA cables around Ponyville. Suddenly everyone started grooving and a flashmob formed as soon as the music dropped, Me at the front.

"Fuck yeah, We do what we want." Groovay! Everypony started shuffling, even 4 of the mane six to the left of me, all dressed for the ball: Pinkie in a partydress, Applejack in Flannel, Rainbow Dash in a Bitchin Multicolor zootsuit and fedora, and Rarity in a peacock feather type outfit, fluttershy was too, well...shy, and twilight stayed home to read the latest issue of the Daring Do series. We phantom shuffled down to the trainstation bound for Canterlot and turned it into the Da SOUL Train. I'd say my hat and tux get a win. The music winds down and everyone takes a seat, out of breath.

"And that my friend, is how I groove, but I couldn't dance to classical music to save my life, which is why Vinyl is in carge of the music." I winked at him and he seemed to understand. Some glanced and wonder who I was taling to, then I spotted the mane 6, well 4 of them, and sat down among them.

"*Ahem* Remember me?" I said in my best Discord Impression. All four of them Jumped out of their seat and into the ceiling. i could help but roll on the floor laughing. They pulled their heads out of the ceiling and took up battle formation.

"Relax sugar cubes, I'm only screwing around." Other than Pinkie Pie almost glomping me to suffocation, and Rarity sending me the apology outfit, I've never actually met the mare 6 until now so they had no Idea who I was. I could've sworn Pinkie would have thrown a surprise party for me. They looked at each other and sort of calmed down. I stuck out my paw:

"Hi there, we've never met except when Pinkie tried to hug me to death." Pinkie Pie shied away, embarassed. The others started to Introduce themselves, shaking my paw, AJ and RD having suspicious looks to them, Rarity inspecting the suit, proud of her handiwork.

"And you?" Pinkie asked.

"Aoi." I knew what was coming next.

"Are you hurt?" Pinkie zoomed around me trying to find any wounds and stuff. CUE FACEPAW!

"No, my name is Aoi, A-O-I." They all said 'Ohhhhhhhh' in unison.

"You know, I've been here 4 days already and no welcome party." Pinkie gasped in revelation.

"That's RIGHT! I'm so sorry. I, Pinkie Diane Pie, promise to throw you the most awesomest greatest welcome party you've ever seen at Canterlot."

"Pinkie Promise." Just had to see it just once.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." Yup, jabbed her hoof into her eye like nothing. Now to mess around a bit,

"And the rest?" Pinkie Pie gasped, she thought I was serious. She pouted like i didn't trust her enough,

"If I may and if I might, my pinkie promise stays tonight." Now she had to go through with it perfectly.

"Great!" I pull out a detonator and flick the switch. The track blows up underneath us and causes the the train to jump, sending everyone onboard into an momentary zero G state,

"I'M FREEEEEEE, MATHAFUHKAA!!!!!" I had to hold onto my hat.

"So that's what happened to the gunpowder. When did this happen, and how did you know It would work," he was also flying a bit.

"I have NO IDEA!" I yelled in my best German accent.

The train corkscrewed once in the air before landing on the track. Everyone was jostled and lying on the floor.

"Did anywun get the lahcence plate on that runaway cart?" Aj stood up dazed.

"Oh no, this simply will not so, The plumes ruined now! Oh the Equinity!" Rarity being the drama queen.

"THAT was FUN! Do it AGAIN!" Pinkie pleaded me.

"Sorry, that was the last one." I pulled an awesomface. Pinkie sighed. I'm glad she enjoyed it not sure about the others. Which reminds me where's Rainbow-

"HYAAAAAH!" 'SHIT!' She caught me from behind in a hedlock and started doing the equivalent of a noogie. Ow..., "You're alright, Aoi, You're alright." Rainbow Dash approved. WIN!

"So, If I don't mind me asking, what exactly is the Canterlot Ball about?" They all gasped in surprise.

"Only second to the Galloping Gala in extravagance, my dear, celebrities from across Equestria gather to dance and relax in a night in entertainment, and music, and dancing." Rarity beamed. Looking for Hollywood endorsements, maybe?

"Princess Celestia Invites a guest of Honor every year to have the dance of honor, anystep, anysong,with anyone." Pinkie explains the whole guest of honor stuff.

"So romantic." Rarity's eyes flutter.

"This year's guest of honor is a guy they said took down a dragon while playing music!" Rainbow Dash got excited, "That guy must be soooo awesome."

"Or girl." I made a dramatic face, with a 3 note suspense key playing in the background. I looked back to see a string ensemble with none other than Octavia. I turn around slowly.

"So what do you think they'll be like?" I'd rather use they as a singular non-gender specific pronoun. Save grammatical structure for literature...

"Whoever he is must be dashing, a real hunk!" Rarity still looking for the guy of her dreams, hearts showing in her eyes. Rainbow Dash bursts her bubble.

"Actually, he ran through Canterlot to warn everyone first with nothing but a bathrobe on. A guy who can kick dragon butt right of the shower is fine by me." Rarities face went into shock. I turned around trying to keep me from laughing.

"So what d'you think of this mystery dragon slayer?" Apple Jack turned to me.

"Meh, I'd rather not talk about someone I know nothing about." i struck a nerve in Rarity somehow. Pinkie stared at me inquisitively.

'SHIT!' forgot about Pinkie, she can sense hooey from a mile away.

"I don't know, Maybe the guest of honor's just a regular mare or stallion like the rest of us." Pinkie postulated.

"Regular doesn't beat a dragon into next week, regular doesn't shave a dragon's scales clean off, and regular doesn't give it a funeral afterwards."

"Wait a funeral?" I kept talking to keep my cover.

"Yep, they had a funeral for the dragon afterwards, and the dragon dissappeared into a million lights into the sky," Rainbow Dash described the funeral.

"How beautiful it must have been. To send a dragon off into the next life like that, he MUST have style." Rarity's completely smitten.

"We'll find out once we get there." I try and change the topic. Everyone sighed.

"So, Aoi, where you hail from? We don't get many other species in Ponyville besides us ponyfolk." THANk YOU AJ! Hmm... what should I say... nowhere they know.... I start to grin.

"I hail from a place called Skyrim." RD's ears perk up at the name.

"What's Skyrim like?" She asked with great interest. Time to string her along for the ride.

"Skyrim's actually a floating island, up North, Lost among the clouds. There Dragons and Wolves and other Creatures live together amongst the sky. There's a great balance of power so that one species can't overtake the other, the Dragon's Fly, but the Creatures of Skyrim have magic."

"MAGIC?!" Everyone's started to widen. I demonstrate by reaching behind Pinkie Pie and Pull out her Party Cannon.

"FIRE!" I stand on the cannon, point forward and pull the rope, scaring everyone as confetti erupts from the cannon. Pinkie seems overjoyed.

"Holy SMITH! You could do that too?" AJ's eyes widened. The thought of another animal like Pinkie was too overwhelming.

"Yeah! It's something I called Hammerspace." Pulling out a hammer from behind my back for emphasis. Everyone laughed, By the way, don't mention this to Twilight or she'll try to experiment on me." 'SHIT! I said too much'.

"Wait how do you know about Twilight?" AJ suddenly got suspicious.

"I slept on your barn the first night I got here, found a bunch of newspapers thrown up there, and read up on Ponyville, you 4, Twilight and someother pony are famous, I couldn't find a group picture. By the way, I hope you didn't mind I slept on the roof." Nice thinking brain. 'Your Welcome.'

"No problem. Wait, how'd you know it was my roof?" I pulled out a poster for Sweet Apple Acres with AJ's picture, "Oh..." Pinkie pie then brought up a long since topic of interest.

"By the way, what happened at the hospital the other day? You just up and poofed!" 'Oh that...'

"Apparently Wolves can also use magic in their sleep if they really really wanted to..." I felt uncomfortable talking about this.

"Well, it's nice to have someone visit who doesn't cause trouble." Rainbow Dash resolved. Wonder what that's about?

"By the way, thanks for the suit Rarity, the stitching is well done." she blushed. BONUS POINTS!

The PA announcer's voice came on the loudspeakers, "Welcome to Canterlot Station, have a nice day."

======================================================================

Dear Princess Luna,

Try walking and writing at the same time, betcha you can't do it without bumping into anyone at Canterlot Station. Oh, and tell Princess Celestia not to mention about me to Rarity, AJ, RD and Pinkie, okay. I want to make this a surprise.

Best Pea Shooter in Equestria,

Aoi

P.S.: Beware, I HAVE WAFFLES!

Well that's Maddeningly Unhelpful [6]

Well that's Maddeningly Unhelpful

I roll up the letter and place it in a mailing tube, then take a deep breath and shove the tube into my mouth, READY, AIM, FIRE!!! I spit the tube at high velocity and 'hopefully' make it smash through the castle window.

At the Castle

"GAH!!!" Princess Luna falls out of her seat in surprise as the mail tube smashes through the window and splashes into the tea, "Oh right into our tea!"

"Another letter Luna?" Celestia walked into the room.

"Yes," picking it up using magic she finds that, "strangely enough, it's covered in saliva."

"Unorthodox as it is, let's read it." Both sit down on the couch, newly imported from Manehattan.

Dear Princess Luna,

Try walking and writing at the same time, betcha you can't do it without bumping into anyone at Canterlot Station. Oh, and tell Princess Celestia not to mention about me to Rarity, AJ, RD and Pinkie, okay. I want to make this a surprise.

Best Pea Shooter in Equestria,

Aoi

P.S.: Beware, I HAVE WAFFLES!

As soon as they read Peashooter, Luna dropped the letter, "AAAHH!" She zoomed behind the couch.

"What's wrong Luna?" Celestia asked.

"He SPIT that letter from the train station!" Celestia impressed with the feat decided to read the rest of the letter.

"OOH! Waffles," Celestia licked her lips intently. Then shook her head to focus on the main portion of the letter. she chuckled softly, "My lips are sealed."

Canterlot train station

"WHAT WAS THAT!?" Rainbow Dash was amazed my how far I could spit something.

"You, my gal, are looking at the World's Farthest spitter, care to take the challenge?" I knew she couldn't resist. We held the spitting contest right there in the station, Pinkie was the Judge. We moistened are lips and prepared our best and wettest loogies, Applejack took part as well, claiming her family held the official record for 4 generations. The crowd tensed up as we stood, slightly crouched. One moment in time, one spit, winner takes the record, no regrets. Pinkie stands with the partycannon as the cue, with a Western bit played by the band behind us. The clock struck noon, Pinkie shot the cannon, and the loogies flew. RD's actually accomplished a sonic rainboom, while AJ's ricochetted off of signs and buildings, bouncing around Canterlot, and mine tore through windows and tree leaves. When the last droplet landed, the official distances were taken:

Rainbow Dash: 243 meters

Applejack: 312 meters

Me: 441 meters

"One does not simply compete in a spitting contest, one must dominate it." I say to both RD and AJ, "Now where were we, Oh yes. ONTO THE BALL!" They cheered as I snuck away from the 4 of them. Now for some personal business to attend to. I stopped by RoamDepot and got some supplies, a XXXXL Balloon, Plastic Thread, and an Industrial Grade needle. Then I tried to find a tavern, I was getting kinda thirsty... Hmm, the 'Bannered Mare' seems like a good pub to go to. I walk in and get mixed reactions from the crowd, some remembering who I am and whisper of apporval for my new outfit but others seem suspicious of my appearance, the pub was acually quite nice, good bright ambient lighting, polished hardwood floors and Mahogany tables... I inhale deeply, love that mahogany smell. I sit down at a table and take my order.

"Gallon of milk please."

"Right away sir," The bartender snickers at my choice of drink. Oh 'tis so wrong to have loved milk at all? It came in a pitcher, downed in less than 10 seconds. I pay my bits and before I leave i smile to the crowd saying,

"Tell your friends that the dragon slayer drank at the Bannered mare." and leave without another word. I hear clamor of excitement 3 seconds after I exit the bar. That'll never get old. I look up to find Rainbow Dash, somewhat interested,

"You may be able to beat me in a spitting competition, but what about speed." She wants a rematch, if I have her personality down, it's that she hates losing. Can't blame her, I do love a good contest.

"Alright let's do it, and let's be fair, we can race however we want, No regrets, no holds barred, no interference, no hard feelings, deal?" I spit in my paw and hold it out as a hand shake.

"I'll leave you in the dust in 2 seconds." She liked the notion of a land to air race. Both in our element, both at our best, I liked it. I pull out an ApplePod player and scroll down to something I think both of us would enjoy.

"We go as soon as the music picks up, the first one to shake princess luna's hoof wins." Rainbow dash twinged a little at the win conditions, but agreed nonetheless. we tensed up as we took our stances, i took a deep breath, as soon as the first wub played RD took off as I shouted,

"Jikkou (Run)." The race began. RD zoomed pass the high buildings and trees while I sprinted across the pavement, I jumped and flew onto a roof, jumping from roof to roof and keeping a rapid pace. This feeling was amazing, I never ran like this in my life, I don't know whether it was my wolf body or what, but running felt right, and I was doing it against one of the fastest fliers of equestria. The footsteps became rapid strides, my heart barely elevating, I created turbulence that warped the view around me, but I was staring straight ahead, keeping an eye on RD, both head to head. Time to see if I could fly. the next roof I jumped on, I crouched into spring position, and pushed off the roof, soaring into the sky, RD shocked to see me right next to her, I straightened my body into a rising bullet, I thought to myself 'Furai (Fly)' and sped right past her. She smiled and looked straight forward, probably feeling the same thing I was, and both of us. I heard an explosion right behind me, she executed the sonic rainboom, catching up to me quickly. It felt good to run, but even better to fly, riding the winds and turbulence like surfing: twisting to merge with the flow of the air. We were almost at the castle, neck and neck, I signaled to her to look upwards, she saw it and we impacted into the side of the castle, I switched back to running, using a light foot to barely touch the wall and run upwards. Which had a completely different effect, one I would Describe as,

"GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORCE IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACE!"

We were almost at Luna's window, We were close, I grabbed the ledge and swung into the window, Shocking Luna and grabbing her hoof, we summersaulted into the backwall with RD grabbing it just before the summersault. We both shook Luna's hooves at the same time. The race was over. I was out of breath, Luna's eyes were wide wondering what two people were doing with her hooves. We paused for a bit...

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!!!" Luna was the first to speak up, then Celestia came in with the guards and saw a surprised Luna, RD, me, and a broken window. I was the second to speak.

"I WIN!"

"DID NOT!" RD Objected on the spot.

"THEN YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE, Princess Luna, who won?"

"Won WHAT?!" She was still surprised. I inhaled before explaining the story.

"SOMEANDDASHDECIDEDTOHAVEARACETOSEEWHOWASFASTERNOHOLDSBARREDNOREGRETSANDTHEWINCONDITIONSWEREWHOEVERSHOOKYOURHANDFIRSTSOWESMASHEDTHROUGHYOURWINDOWANDIGRABBEDYOURHANDFIRSTTHENRDTHENWESUMMERSAULTEDINTOTHEBACKWALLANDSHOOKYOURHAND!" Big inhale, "So who won?" Luna had to think on that one...

"I...uh...ooh...its...oh...well...hmm..." She let go, stood up, and brushed herself off, "I, Princess Luna,"

"Yes...?" RD and I begged her to continue.

"...declare that this race... was a tie." We all slumped on the wall and facepawed/hoofed.

"Son of a Bitch,"

"Aw man!" We were definitely unsatisfied. The Luna tried to cheer us up,

"Well at least you know both of you are as fast as each other, just the next time you race, don't use me OR my sister as the finish line." She smiled and started to walk away, then said, "Aoi, I got your letters, don't worry, our lips are sealed." RD's ear's perked up, then Luna left.

As soon as we left the castle RD Bombarded me with questions, Many of which I ignored or answered vaguely with a shrug or a 'Meh'. We finally got to Pinkie Pie and the rest, Rarity with a list of the stallions who could have been the one who slayed the dragon. I swear a new celebrity pops up and she melts over him before she even knows his face.

At the ball, I slipped away from the mane 4 using the trademark excuse,

"Hey I'm going to go to the little pups room, be right back!" and got 'everything' ready, combed fur, dazzling canines, and the swag to match. 'Hey there sexy'. All I had to do now was walk up on my cue. Celestia began the introduction.

"Welcome everyone to the Annual Canterlot Ball, tonight's guest of honor is a very special guest, who save Canterlot when a dragon threated the peace of our city, please give a round of applause to our always welcome guest," I walked on the stage and happened to spot the mane 4 spray out their punch from dumfounded surprise, except for Rarity who swallowed in a large gulp instead, "Aoi Myoujin, resident wolf of Ponyville and Dragon Slayer of Canterlot!" applause went across the room. RD, Rarity, and AJ's jaws dropped to the floor as Pinkie went around throwing confetti everywhere.

"I'd like to say a few words, if you don't mind," the room went quiet,"when I entered Equestria, I never expected to be chased by a dragon, shot out of a cannon, smashed through a window, or woken up by somepony playing dubstep at 8:00 in the morning." Vinyl Blushed, "Or everything else that's happened to me, I also never expected to do this!" I pulled a rope right next to me that dropped 'THE WATER NUKE' and flooded the entire wing of the castle, causing about 400 something outfits to be ruined, "I also never expected to meet and unexpected friend... " I glanced at the balcony to see Discord winked, "so I can kind of say, Equestria's kind of the only place where I didn't expect the unexpected, and you know what? i could care less." I say this while soaking wet with about 200 angry ponies looking at me with their expressions slowly turning to laughter, "But enough about that, Hit it Pon-3!" I signal Vinyl to pay the track. I jump down from the podium. By this point I lost my hat...

"LEEEEET'S GET IT STARTED, IN HEEEEEERE!"

During the following rave, the mane 4 run towards me, well Rarity fainted after I set them up the bomb.

"So did I surprise you?" The 3 simply nodded speechless. RD was the first to speak.

"Why di- I mean- Wow- How did- So we- *SQUEEEEE*- I mean this is- This is- So all this time... I KNEW IT!" Right, and I'm a tiger. Well, I decided to fess up

"Yup, been stringing you along for the whole ride, strangely enough the pony I most though would find me out was Pinkie. Which reminds me about that Pinkie Promise." I winked at her, we brought out our party cannons and fired them Napoleon style.

The rest of the night we spent partying, eating the food, getting plastered, courtesy of AJ bring nothing less than AppleJack Dagnals, blowing the roof off the castle, and doing loads of stuff I'd forget about in the morning, with DJ Pon-3 and Octavia blasting the music to 11 and bringing out the bass cannon, GAWD I love that pony. Life was good, I was drunk off my ass, RD Smashing into stuff drunk flying, then it came time to actually have the final dance, 'SANAVABEYETCH'! Then I remembered an age old short term remedy for being drunk.

"Pinkie don't ask Quick slap me in the face!"

"Okay!" Thank GAWD she doesn't ask too many questions.

"Now for the final dance for tonight. Featuring our guest of Honor" Celestia announced over the loudspeaker, her mane was poofy from being air dried, AFROs MUTHAFAKAH!!! I walked up to Rarity who was having a pretty sour night due to her dress being ruined. She was confused, but I still had the last bit of cognitive sense to walk straight. I reached out my paw.

"I may not be handsome, mainly because I'm still wet and smell funny because of it, but I feel pretty damn sexy right now, so... Rarity, may I have this dance?" Her mascara made her look sad, but she smiled and decided to finally have some fun. I signaled to Vinyl and Octavia to Chage the mood. They started playing one of my dance tracks, Neon Lights and the CMC's on Vocals (how they got there I'll never know), Vinyl on Drums, Frederic on Piano, and Harpo on Electric Guitar (Surprisingly good at it too).

Rarity actually seemed to enjoy the dance: a rapid fast paced rumba with a twist of tango during the electrics, then changing to slow dance as the song slows down. Rarity became exhausted and leaned into me during the slowdance. Afterwards I carried Rarity as Pinkie and AJ carried RD to the trainstation back to Ponyville. I told them not to wait for me as I stayed behind. I picked a spot on top of Canterlot Cliffs to sit and get a good view of the full moon,

...just like old times...

===================

Dear Princess Luna,

Thanks for the Full Moon last night, I enjoyed it. What was it like to live on the Moon, if you don't mind me asking? For a thousand years, I'd think it would get lonely, looking back to Equestria. At least now, you're home to your friends and family.

From one who gazes at the moon and stars

Aoi

PS: Do you like bananas?

===================

Paws and Prejudice [7]

Paws and Prejudice

Midnight, Canterlot Cliffs

"So Discord, tell me about you..." I asked the draconnequus about his persona.

"What's there to say, stuck in stone for a thousand years, one day off to roam free, then back to stone. Nothing more nor less." He seemed kinda down, "Come to think of it, I'm only able to see everything you do because of their nature, or when you purposely want to talk. Other than that I'm still bound to the statue, not able to do anything unless you allow it. Face it, I'm a ghost, here one minute then *whoosh* gone like the wind." He lied down right next to me. I sighed into the cold night air.

"So how old are you exactly, minus the whole trapped in stone part." It looked like I hit a soft spot.

"Honestly, no more than about 400, I'm still kind of young." YOUNG MY ASS! he's got half a fu-manchu going on, "But because of the whole imprisonment thing going on, I'm actually older than Celestia!"at least he's honest.

"So before you first got turned to stone, what did you usually do?"

"I was actually friends with Celest and Loony Luna," I snickered, "for a while, actually had a 'thing' for Celest..."

"FUCKE DA WHA?" I sat up immediately.

"Why so shocked? After all, we did have a great time together. Ah there was this one restaurant in Cloudsdale called L'Chateau de Grinoir, unique atmosphere, great food, and a great view of the Borealis." They had that here? Hmm. I slowly slid back down into the grass, knocking up some pollen that fluttered into the sky.

"What happened between you and Princess Celestia?" he seemed a bit sad now.

"She left me to take care of Equestria, venting out her free time with Luna instead. I'm not going to lie, I started to become jealous, so I pulled some pranks out of petty jealousy. After a few years, I started to used magic for my pranks, which sooner evolved into fits complete mayhem, just so She could notice me again, but it was for all the wrong reasons. She and Luna teamed up against me and well, you know the rest. Locked away with nothing else on my mind but the Chaos I had caused, that's how I became known as the embodiment of Discord. When I broke free the second time, I thought I'd finally get another chance, but no, frittered it all away by jumping the gun with New Ponyville. Then the mane 6 as you know them lock me away again. Am I mad? No, I'm not known for petty grudges, just disappointed. So I decided to send what little power I had left to your world, and I loved it, for a while. Then got bored of it, but at least it was better than stuck in one place. I decided to roam a bit in thought. Funny thing was, I felt a tug, like a sort of calling, whatever you call it, that lead me straight, to, you." He paused, pointing at me, " that's was when you pulled the cherry bomb in the bathroom, It was the first time in your messed up world were I found enjoyment from pure living chaos. So I followed you your entire life, learning about what made you tick, but that was the thing, I could never single out any one thing, no sense of revenge or reason, just action, no thinking about consequences or reprecussions, just being alive. Yet I found one sliver of a lead, just a sliver. You were all alone, no one cared about you, yet you never did it for any slight sense of attention or recognition. You were my puzzle box, something I just had to solve even if it took a millenia. Then that last one, I wanted to scream out and ask you outwright 'Why were you doing all this: wreaking chaos that people LOVED and ENJOYED! something that ONLY YOU could do, no one in your world could ever accomplish once, yet you did on a Daily basis, It made no sense, it frustrated me and yet I relished in your very being. Then after the last act of pure genuine chaos, I just had to go and Intervene, to talk. So winds to today. I finally found what makes you tick, what makes you do what you do, and I have to say, I am downright sincere, You do a pretty damn good job of causing chaos and wreaking havoc, even now. I," He stands up and placed a straightened claw across his forehead, "Salute you."

"Nice to know who was watching me the entire time," I brought back the boomerang topic, "I have to thank you though. I found something about myself that I tried to hide from everyone, Including me. I'm glad I finally tore down that wall, but Not happy that it's something I have to live with now. Meh, what are you gonna do?" I then reached out to Discord a paw in hope of a handshake, "Friends?" He looked at it and just smiled, "Friends..." He grabbed it and we shook hand right there under the night sky.

"Well who knows?" He sat down again, "Maybe in a couple hundred years I'll get out of my stony prison and actually get a new start, hurricane anyone?" He chuckled, then reminded me of something. I stood up and started running, signalling Discord to come with. We headed to the Canterlot Sculpture Gardens, hope my hunch was right.

"Why'd you bring me here?" Discord asked fervently.

"It's a surprise." I found the statue of Discord with a look of horror on his face, I looked at it with an artist's squint, "Oh no no, this SIMPLY will not do." 'Cartoon Implications Activate, BOOP' I pulled a giant curtain all around the statue, put on an artist's beret, and jumped behind the curtain, "No Peeking!" after 30 seconds of hammering, chiseling, and the like, I jumped back over the curtain and pulled back the curtain. The result of my work was a new shiny polished statue of Discord with crossed arms, a swagadelic stance, and sunglasses. I looked back to find him bursting into tears of joy. I tried so hard not to laugh out loud. After he finished he said over choked tears, "It's beautiful... so beautiful." He pulled out a tissue and blew in it, sniffling afterwards. If I could get cutie marks, mine would probably be a Bust of Michalangelo, I swear though, this universe is nepotistic towards equines. Still drunk off my ass though...

"Uhp, there's the fatigue..." I passout in the middle of the gardens. I knew the Al-kee-hawl would catch up sooner or later.

"Morning Sunshine!" [8]

"Morning Sunshine!"

I wake up to a series of trumpets blaring. NOT a good thing if you're hung over. I grab a nearby trashcan and hurl in it. I take my head out feeling relieved, finding myself face to face with Princess Luna. She seemed surprise to see me still here, even more surprise to see the statue of Discord changed.

"What in Equestria is going on here?" 'NEW PLAN! On the spot Brain! WHAT THE HELL DO WE DO?'

'bLAAHHASHHAHahahh Alcohol poisoning'

'DAMMIT! Only one thing we can do...' This is gonna hurt...

"Hey there Sugar Plot."  I say leaning on the trashcan. If the next few seconds were caught on tape and aired, it would have gone down in Anime History as the most violent kick, speed lines and all. She sent me careening into the wall of the North castle wing, right into Celestia's bathtub, with her in it.

"Well I'm right fucked aren't I." Next I know I'm falling 400 feet into the castle pavement, again, faceplants hurt a lot more with a muzzle. I stand up and crack my next and try and feel what remnants of bone structure I have left. I walk up to the castle gate and knock. I wait for about half a minute before it opens. As soon as it does:

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" Celestia immediately counterargues.

"Well, who decided to drop into my bathtub and interupt it?"

"YOUR SISTER! When she Chuck Norris'd me into the wall!" She tilted her head with a look of confusion, "I mean 'Round House Buck!'" Luna caught up with her sister and protested.

"Who's Idea was it to..." She whispered what I told her in her ear. Celestia reared onto her back with laughter. "Oh lighten up sis, he complemented your figure." Luna blushed with embarassment, she looked back at me and apologized, "I'm sorry for tossing you out the window like that, I hope you're not hurt." I cracked my neck again and found some form of relief.

"Oh, I'm fine, absolutely smashing," Both of them started to laugh. I think I'm missing a few teeth, "Well, I best get back to Ponyville, otherwise Pinkie just might start an P.I. Team to find me, So I must bid you both adieu, thanks for the party last night." I walk away picking my hat up. 'I wondered where that was', and shoved a quick letter into the mailbox before using a smokebomb to cover my tracks.

"Well he certainly does know how to make an exit." Luna mused.

"As well a 'getting a mare's hoof' *snicker*, wouldn't you agree?" Celestia had to try her hardest not to laugh.

"Oh haha, let's just read the letter he left us." Luna tried to drop the subject. They hurried to get the letter from the mailbox, headed inside, and snuggled up on the couch next to the fireplace.

Dear Princess Luna,

Thanks for the Full Moon last night, I enjoyed it. What was it like to live on the Moon, if you don't mind me asking? For a thousand years, I'd think it would get lonely, looking back to Equestria. At least now, you're home to your friends and family.

From one who gazes at the moon and stars

Aoi

PS: Do you like bananas?

Luna shed a tear at the heartfelt letter, now she felt kind of bad for kicking me in the face, knowing she kicked an admirer of night time. She pulled out a pen and paper and started writing a reply,

======

Dear Aoi,

Thank you for the Heartfelt, and somewhat enjoyable letters, Celestia and I enjoyed them. I never tried a banana so I wouldn't know. It's nice to see someone appreciates what I do, and your right, it DID get lonely on the moon. thank you, and I hope you send more.

With warm wishes,

Luna

P.S.: I'm sorry about... well... bucking you in the face...

======

She rolled up the letter and sent it on it's way, turning around to see Princess Celestia with a BIG smile,

"Oh Luna, you wouldn't happen to be falling for him would you?" troll...

"Nonononono... I just... wanted to let him know that... well... it's nice to have letters sent to us... I mean... we rarely get any unofficial mail... and... he seems nice enough..." Celestia was laughing to tears. Luna pouted and sighed. Wait, HOW DO I KNOW ALL THIS!?

Day 6, Ponyville

I arrive back at my house dry off and change into a new outfit, Rarity went all overboard when she found out my cloak was all I had to wear, So she made my entire wardrobe according to my tastes, surprised she actually did requests. So I decided to slip on a nice hakama and a waraji, feels just like home. I decided to rest for a bit, after all, I did just get thrown out of a castle, faceplanted on gravel, Chuck Norris'd by one of the Princesses and all while hung over.

I woke up to a clamour of highspeed talking outside my house, so I decided to see what was going on.

"- ANDTHENHESTEPPEDONSTAGEANDMADEALONGSPEECHABOUTHISVISITINEQUESTRIAORMAYBEHE'SSTAYINGHEREPERMANENTLYANDTHENPULLEDAROPETHATCAMEOUTOFNOWHERETHATDROPPEDAHUMONGOUSWATERBALLOONTHATGOTEVERYONESOAKINGWETANDWEHADANAMAZINGPARTYAND *GASP* HE DANCED WITH RARITY!!! *SQUEEEEEE*!!!" Pinkie Pie was telling the other 2 of the mane 6 about the ball and 'SHIT! It's Twilight! RUN!'. I turn around slowly and started to walk back into my house.

"Oh hi there, Aoi!" DAMMIT ALL, RARITY! "Listen Aoi... uhm... I wanted to thank you.. for last night... it was wonderful... although You could have dried off... oh nevermind... just... thank you..." She walked away blushing.  *GASP* my Aoi sense is tingling, methinks there's a change in how I look! How so?!

*GLOMP*

"Oh HE's SOOOOOO CUTE!!!" 'FAAAAAAAHK! I'm 4 feet taller than you, Fluttershy, and smell like Jack Daniels, How can you still call me cute?' I sniff at my shoulder, 'Okay so scrath the smell of liquor, but I still don't look THAT cute. I look at a window reflection next to me. I'm a puffball with clothes.

'OH WHAT THE FUCK! DAMN TEH FLUFFEH EFFECT!' Equation: Wet Fur + Dry = Cute and Fluffy.

"Oh Hiiii..... and what's your name..." Ribs compressing, lungs struggling to expand, organs smushed...

"Oh... " she backs away, "I'm Fluttershy, what's yours?" She starts to shy away.

"This is the guy we've been talking about, Aoi!" Fluttershy peeps and hides behind Rainbow Dash.

"Y-y-y-y-you k--k-k-k-"

"Killed a Dragon, *sigh*, sadly yes..." Fluttershy started to peek out again seeing my sad reaction. I let out a whimper for cuteness factor.

"Aww, I'm sorry for bringing up a topic like that, I didn't mean to make you upset." she goes up to hug me, softly this time. 'Oh MAH GAWD, she's friggin soft.' I hug back.

"It's okay, now if you don't mind I need to be somewhere..." Leave now and forever hold your peace.

"Now hold on for just one second!" What I hear: 'FREEZE MUTHAFUCKA!'

"Oro?"

"I've got some questions to ask you," Dammit this is what I was afraid of.

"Why do you want to know? *GASP* Are you a SPY?!" Dun DUN DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH...

"No, but I do want to to know what you're doing here." Time to go. I try to make a break for it but stopped mid run.

"Oh fine, I give up... we'll talk over breakfast, sugar cube corner." I winked at Pinkie Pie.

9:30am, Sugar Cube Corner

At Sugar Cube Corner me and the mane 6 sit down at a table. I order a vanilla sundae with strawberry syrup. I lean back  and prepare for the verbal barrage to begin.

"Before we begin, I propose a deal, if you ask a question and I answer it, then I get to ask the next question, you answering it also. Don't want to leave any loop holes now do we?"

"Done."

"Fire away..." the first to ask is of course Twilight.

"Who are you exactly?"

"I'm the resident badass of Ponyville, demolitions expert, DJ, heavy weapons guy, singer, actor, prankster, dancer and all around neutral guy." I pull an awesome face, "My turn, What's the story about all of you?"

"Pinkie's the resident party pony, Rainbow Dash is resident 'fast flyer' (Rainbow Dash gave an incredulous look), I'm the resident librarian, AppleJack runs Sweet Apple Acres, and Fluttershy takes care of the wildlife around Ponyville." Rainbow dash asks the Next question.

"How did you kill a dragon?" She seemed really interested in me.

"Shaved all her scales off and accidently killed her climbing up her back." It's best to be Blunt, "My turn, how do you do a sonic rainboom?" I was starting to have fun.

"Well, It's when a pegasus flies so fast that a sonic boom and a rainbow happen at the same time," like breaking the sound barrier.

"My turn, My turn, My turn. Uhm... I forget, wait, I remember now, which do you like better, chimmy cherry, or cherry changa," MIND FACEPAW!

"Try Chimmy Cherry Changa, I find ending alliteration more interesting than beginning alliteration," glad that's settled, "My turn, Is your tail twitching right now?"

"Oh my goodness, TAKE COVER!" I jump out of the chair to avoid a chandelier falling from the ceiling. I'm not even going to ask what a chandelier is doing in a bakery. After we clear the mess away we begin with more questioning.

"What brings you to Ponyville in the first place?" Twilight asked.

"Got shot out of a canon by no other than Princess Celestia Herself." Everyone fell on the floor laughing except Twilight and Fluttershy, "Not joking, she really did shoot me out of a canon," I grin followed by a *squeak* sound effect.

"So Rarity, why are you so bent on going out with a Celebrity?" I make Rarity blush with embaressment.

"Well, umm... Oh it's silly... It's just... I always wanted to have someone special, someone who I can share my life with, the wedding of a lifetime that sort of thing, with a big strong famous stallion." figures...

"Now I'm not saying you're shooting too high, but maybe you should try and find love close to home, someone you know and care about, someone you never had to admire from afar." Giving relationship advice was never my strong suit, the fact that I've never really been in a relationship proves it, or maybe that's just me...

"So, I must ask, why did you ask me for the last dance?" She started to blush a little.

"In all honesty, you looked like you needed a pick me up, think about it, I put myself in your shoes and I see your dress ruined, a viable prince charming turning out to be not what you expected to be, yet you find yourself dancing with him anyway, lo and behold, it worked." Swag...

"How did you manage to keep up with me in that race? I mean, YOU FLEW without WINGS!" Rainbow Dash wondering How I could go head to head with a sonic rainboom.

"I found out a while ago that Wolves like me have magic, not by using magic with horns, but with our words." I got everyone interested now. Rainbow Dash seemed dumbfounded.

"Back on the train, you kind of shied away when you mentioned a visitor from Ponyville who caused trouble, of you don't mind me asking, who were you referring to?"

"Gilda..." she said with a rather resentful tone.

"Hmm, it seems I've overstepped my boundaries," this probably would've ended badly if I'd have continued here, "Come talk about it sometime." I get up to leave, no one stops me. I walk out as it starts raining, I lift my head upward and feel it drip down my face. It feels nice...

Not many people like talking about their pasts, especially if theirs was a bad one.

===============

Dear Princess Celestia,

Have you ever had problems with a close friend of yours? If so who was it, and if you don't mind me asking, what was it about?

One pondering on friendship,

Aoi

===============

Double Rainbow, All the WAY [8x]

Double Rainbow, All the WAY!

I jump to the roof of my house to enjoy the rain, at least I'm not poofy anymore. I put on my sunglasses to avoid the rain getting into my eyes. If you ever have a moment to enjoy the rain, do so now, it's nice. I look at the clouds, animated as always, swirly at the edges, like how you would draw clouds in kindergarten. I chuckle at the irony of me actually being in a universe based on a cartoon, I really should take a picture of myself sometime as a momento. Right as I reach for the camera, Rainbow Dash of all ponies float up onto the roof.

"About this morning..." Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head, "can I talk about it?"

"Sure, Wanna do it inside or are you tough enough to talk in the rain." I smile.

General rule about the Cartoon Universe: Everytime someone makes a nonchalant smile, there's always some kind of sound effect. For this world, it's a squeakie doll noise.

"Inside." WHOA, surprise... never actually saw that one coming...

"Sure..." I jump off the roof and open the door. We sit down at the kitchen table as I grab the jug of milk from the fridge. She seems lost in thought.

"Should you start or should I?"

"Well, It's kind of a long story..."

"Like I've got better things to do, I still don't really have a job yet..." she looked at me funnily before continuing.

"It's like this. I had this friend at flight camp, she was a griffin, the only one at flight camp. one day I found her... well... crying..." She paused expecting me to laugh at the notion, i remained dead serious, "I talked to her and told her to buck up and don't think that just cause your different that people get to stand in your way. We became best friends after that. When she came to visit, she started to take my advice too literally and changed, for the worst. She yelled at Fluttershy and acted like a jerk at her party, then called everyone lame ponies and that I was queen lamoid or something like that. Ever since then I started thinking why she changed. How could my buddy from flight camp just snub me like that, how come Gilda go from crying in her room to stuck up. I wondered all these things, but never once tried to go after her to talk about it. Maybe it was my fault." I raise my finger to stop her right there.

"What were the last words to her before she left." Best thing to do was backtrack.

"'When you want to stop being lame, look me up'..." her eyes widened and pulled out a telephone number. She looked at me with teary eyes, I slightly grinned and got my phone, she dialed the number quickly. When Gilda picked up the phone she put her hoof over her mouth. I decided to switch it on loudspeaker.

"Gilda?" I asked softly.

"Who is this?"

"Promise not to hang up if I tell you?"

"... ... depends..."

"My names Aoi, I'm a friend of Rainbow Dash."

"... what does she want and why are you calling for her?"

"I wanted to settle some bad blood between you two."

"... .... ... has she left those dweebs yet?"

"... no" Rainbow Dash answered this time.

"... do you still call each other friends?"

"...yes..." both Gilda and RD answered.

"... so why'd you let a little thing like a party get in your way, Gilda you first, Rainbow Dash no interrupting..." My glare silenced any form of objection that came out of her mouth.

"...it wasn't just the party, it was everything... the way everyone was staring at me, the way everything was all cheery... the way everyone laughed at me...the way Dashie snubbed my at the party... it all made me sick..." I mouthed the words, 'Apologize' to RD, she opened her mouth but I glared at her that made her sigh.

"I'm sorry for pranking you at the party," What?, "I never should have done that, i guess I just felt mad that you yelled at Fluttershy," This got a whole lot more interesting.

"...I...are you... is this...?"

"It's not a joke, straight from the horses mouth," took me forever to use that one. LOL.  started to here sobbing on the other end of the line...

"... *sniff* I'm sorry too... you were right... I did somethings I'm not proud of, and neither are you... I just... I thought I could actually get to hang with my friend again, but with 'Stinkie Pie' those chances were shot down... that party... I need to ask you something... I want to here the Griffon's Honest truth... Why did you set those pranks up...?"

"I thought a good laugh was what everyone needed..."

"I DIDN'T NEED A LAUGH! I NEEDED A FRIEND!" Right then I felt the same thing Gilda was feeling right now. Now to take a shot in the psychological dark...

"Gilda... what happened before and after flight camp..." Right then the tension cut immediately. It was actually Rainbow Dash who answered.

"Nothing... at all... no letters... no calls... just silence..." RD was given a push in the right direction...

"It wasn't what exactly happened, but moreover, a lack of something... contact... Rainbow Dash, you never wondered what exactly happened that made Gilda drop out of contact, and never even try to make contact... why?" She finally realized what I was going for.

"After we left, I met Flutter..." tears started to well up in her eyes again...

"You finally got it Dash? Long before Gilda even visited Ponyville, you had already replaced her... who could blame you... Gilda was the only other friend you had at the time, and she was gone now." another blind shot, "what was you're promise to Gilda before you two parted ways." headshot...

"I would right to her everyday..." Rainbow Dash finally cried...

"Gilda forgave you for not writing to her, but the lack of contact strained your friendship to the breaking point, the fact that you finally said 'get lost' to her at that party was the straw that broke the mule's back. She had been replaced, you replaced her, and she now had nowhere to turn to, if anything, it's just as much your fault as it is hers. Piece together what I just told you."

"You couldn't find any other cool friends could you... I was the only one... I was the one who changed..." Gilda spoke up.

"You finally got it... thank you... we cool?" She actually cried silently when I was talking to RD, but would never admit it. I'm a wolf now, I hear more than my fair share.

"Cool..." she wiped away her tears

"One last thing, come back sometime to Ponyville sometime, no tricks, no pranks, no secrets, and no pride. You can finally patch things up and, hey, maybe even stay here a while."

"... Listen... whoever you are... thanks... I don't know who you are... but your no dweeb in my book." Compliment from a griffon, rare thing to come by. I Mouth to RD If she'd like some alone time with her, she nodded. I get up and walk outside. It finally stopped raining...

========================

Conversation between Gilda and RD

"So where do you live now Gilda?"

"A small stratus cloud near Cloudsdale. Had a lot of time for thinking. Who was the guy."

"He's a wolf that got here 6 days ago."

"A wolf? Haven't actually met one... ever"

"Well get this, I don't want to admit it, but, he ALMOST beat me in a race, he actually flew!"

"Did you hit your head or something, last time I checked dogs didn't have wings."

"Apparently you don't need wings to fly, He ACTUALLY made me try. I had to do a Sonic Rainboom just to keep up with him."

"So he really isn't a Dweeb. Huh..."

"Don't get me wrong, he can get pretty random at times, actually manage to shut Pinkie Pie up."

"Wait, so this guy's fast, and can shut 'Stinkie Pie' up? What else can he do?"

"Well he was actually the guest of honor at the Canterlot Annual Ball for actually killing a dragon! He actually dropped a Ginormous waterballoon on everyone, even the Princess."

"C'mon, your joshin' me, no one's that awesome."

"I don't know what to tell you..."

"I might just stop by and actually see this guy for my own eyes."

"There's just one thing though, he spends most of the time alone... he tried to run away from us when Twilight started to ask questions... I wonder what he does..."

"Dashie, word of advice... don't..."

"Oh... well, it was nice to actually fix this between us, I didn't know you actually felt that way."

"It's in the past now, we can leave it in the dust."

"Alright then... thanks..."

"...you too..."

=========================

Ponyville Park

I sat down under a tree watching as the birds shook off the water from the rain. Rainbow Dash found me and sat down to talk.

"Alright, you're turn... what's your story?" She pointed at me. I raised my paws in Surrender,

"You got me, I'll fess. But I have to ask you something, do you absolutely, positively want to hear it? I don't want to give you nightmares..." She blew a rasberry and waved. I sighed...

"When I was a little pup, both my parents were..." I felt the pain in my head again. "... killed..." she winced at my blunt use of the word, "... for no apparent reason at all... our family was poor, no fame or fortune, just our own little haven, life was good. In one night, torn from me... I tried to take it back by killing the one who left me an orphan, but it didn't help, i just laid there..." I looked at my paws, "my paws red, blood everywhere... I tried to forget it, tried to seal that memory away... but It came back when I came here... that's when I met my first friend I ever had..." I looked at the sky... "He helped me, told me to move on, but keep those memories, because they made me... me..."

"So that's why you gave the dragon a funeral, even though she tried to eat you, you still cared for any life you took..." I nodded.

"I actually ran away first to try and lose it, but it followed me into Canterlot." RD snickered.

"Wow... so why did you help me and Gilda patch up." I looked back at her with a straight answer

"Friendships are too precious to leave waiting unmended, dontcha think...?" She nodded.

"So who is your friend?" She asked wondering...

"Now, that's a truth left for another day, I think I've told enough for now." I wasn't going to tell her yet, eventually, but not yet. I needed to get a reply from Celestia. I stood up. From my view, every single pony was shorter by 4 feet while on all fours. As I was walking away she called of one last time,

"Thanks..." I just held my paw up and waved without turning back. I had some things to take care of, but first, a well needed rest...

After a day of Playing Dr. Phil, Aoi starts confiding in Rainbow Dash, but not enough to tell her about Discord... Meanwhile, Gilda might just visit Ponyville once more...

Of Wolves and Ponies [9]

Of Wolves and Ponies

Canterlot Sculpture Garden

"I don't know Luna..." Celestia tilted her head sideways, "The statue looks fine, What did you say was wrong with it?" Luna stared at her sister and Facehoofed.

"Sister, I do believe you may have forgotten, but the statue of Discord NEVER had sunglasses on it..."

"*Gasp* your right! They do look good on him though, but how did they get there?"

"That's what I've been trying to SAY! I walked into the Sculpture garden, saw Aoi vomit into the Trashcan next to the statue, and... well... you know..."

"Hmm, then there's only one Logical explaination... Aoi Doesn't Like Sunglasses on statues." Double facehoof.

"No, Sister, it means that Aoi must have changed the statue of Discord after the party! Most likely because he was drunk... We mustn't let this happen to the other statues!"

"Your right, Guards, next time Aoi comes to Canterlot, lock the Royal Cellar." Luna gave up at this point and fell down in submission.

"Luna, What's the matter?"

Day 7, Ponyville

======

Dear Princess Luna,

Do you play videogames?

Fellow Gamer

Aoi

======

"Oh it's a BEAUTIFUL Morn- aaaan!" I stepped outside my door singing a small bit. I had a handful of Letters I had to deliver... TO THE LIBRARY!!! I knocked on the door and was greeted by Spike, twilight's pet dragon. He eyes me with a bit of uneasiness.

"Oh hi Spike, could you do me a favor?"

"What is it?" He gave me the stink eye...

"Well... I was hoping you could deliver some letters for me to Princess Celestia... they're kind of important, and confidential." I looked away rubbing the back of my head, "Do you mind if I come inside?" He opened the door wider.

"Thanks, I hope I'm not interupting anything," I saw Twilight reorganizing the shelves of the Library, my guess... Rainbow Dash flew in through the window and into the shelves. Shelves had imprints of Impact.

"No Not at all," she seemed rather glad to see me. She came up to me wide eyed, grabbed my arm and led me to a table in the middle of the room, "So what can I do for you?"

"The way I hear it, you send letters to Princess Celestia, is that right?" I pulled out my letters again and laid them On the table.

"You send letters to Princess Celestia too?" She seemed to wonder.

"Yeah... I've been sending them ever since I got here... tell you what, for every letter of mine you send, I answer one question you may have, after all, a guy like me shows up to Ponyville, no alibi, no background checks. I'd be happy to ablige." I smiled batting my eyelashes.

"GREAT!" Yup, that hit the ticket.

"Wait a minute, I didn't agree to this... unless I get to ask some questions too." Spike glared at me.

"Sure... It's not like I've got anything better to do..."

"YAY! OHMYGOODNESS I MEAN..."

"Slow down there sugar cube, you've got plenty of time..." Hyper pony equals scared wolf.

"Oh.. okay. *clears throat*. First off, How DID you end up in Equestria in the first place?" Everyone asks me this...

"So I was minding my business in Skyrim, and suddenly I get magicked up in the middle of the Woods outside Canterlot,  was all like 'Meh, That happened.' Never took the time find out the logistics of long ranged teleportation, I'm just here. I mean SURE I freaked out a bit, but wouldn't you if you somehow ended up in somewhere like Apploosa with no regognition of how you even got there in the first place." Dullest Explaination EVA!!!

"Hmm... fair enough." She asked spike to send the letter. Spike refuses until he asks his question.

"WHAT'S Going on between you and RARITY." DING DONG DING DONG... Are you fahkin kidding me, de wee li'l dragon has the hoochies for Rariteh? Why did I just start thinking in a Scottish accent? I DON'T CAAAAARE!

"N-N-Nothing! Why do you ask?" 'MENSCH, DER BULLEN KOMMEN!'

"I heard YOOOOOOOU danced with her... WHY?!" Jealous much? I answered it in after a big inhale.

"Rainbow Dash was passed out, Pinkie was scarfing down the sweet, AJ was Drunk pretending she was at the rodeo, *slowing down* then I looked at Rarity, looking like she had a bad night... she seemed to enjoy the dance." Spike grabbed the letters with a sad look on his face and sent them on their merry way.

"Cheer up bucco, you'll get your chance..."

"What who me? No it's not like I... uhm... *sigh* you got me... just don't tell anyone..."

"Cross My heart and Hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!" I actually do a very good job at keeping secrets... just not my own...

"Well *stands up* Arrivaderci, I'll see you around... maybe..." I closed the door behind me. For I guy with nothing else to do, I sure do leave in a hurry... 'My Aoi sense is TINGLING'!

*TACKLE*

'DAMMIT ALL!'

"PLEASE OH PLEASE AOI YOU'VE GOT TO HELP ME!!!" I'm pinned to the wall By the Queen of Glomp, Pinkie! Wait, if Pinkie's the One Asking for Help then... 'SHIT! I GOTTA GET OUT OF DODGE!' Then she pulls the anime EYES!

'NOOO MY ONLY WEAKNESS! ADORABLENESS!'

"Suuuuuure....." I pull a nervous smile.

"OH THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU!" She rushes me to Sugar Cube Corner.

"What's the emergency?" I was 'fraid to ask.

"I HAVE TO CATER FOR THE PRINCESS!!!" steady now....

"Why's that such a problem," WRONG!

"I have to bake a THOUSAND CUPCAKES FOR THE PRINCESS'S PARTY."

"No Problem, after all I am..." puts on sunglasses, "... Master Chef!" half expected the Halo theme...

"YAY! Do you know how to make cupcakes, well do ya, do ya, do ya?" She looked at me with hyper uncertainty.

"Of course," I knew this day would come... "Kage BUSHIN no Jutsu!" just then about 30 clones appeared in the bakery, how the hell did i know that would work...

Me: All you have to do is take a cup of flour *or twenty*

add it to the MIX! *Pinkie smile*

Pinkie: Now a little something sweet not sour!

Me *in heavy voice*: a bit of salt, JUST A PINCH! *DUMP THAT SCHEISSE*

Me and Pinkie: Baking these treats is such a sinch

Add a Teaspoon of Bologna!/Vanilla! *Try the whole bottle and the Whole pack*

Add a little more and you count to 4

Me and Clones: and you never get your FILLA!

Cupcakes so Moist and Delicious

Cupcakes, don't be facicious

Me and Pinkie: Cupcakes...

Cupcakes, Cupcakes, CUPCAKES!!!

Just then The Cakes just walked into the kitchen,

"THIS DID NOT JUST HAPPEN!" Yup, we just made a thousand cupcakes in 23 seconds... like a bawse!

"Time to go.." I dashed out of the bakery, not waiting for the next part.

"Pinkie, what do they taste like?" Ms. Cake wondered. Ponies are vegetarian... TROLLOLOLOLZ. Which reminds me...

Questions to be answered before I die: How IS Bologna made?

*Ka-PON* I spent some time at the local spa's hot spring... ah... I missed open air hot springs... they're so good for you.

Effects of a Hot spring:

1) HP Recovery

2) Cure Disease

3) Detox

4) ----------

5) Cure Petrify

6) Removes all Status Ailments

"I didn't even know Ponyville had a hotspring..." Does it even matter?

"Is someone there?" I heard a soft voice coming from the other end of the hotspring. The resident shygal, Fluttershy. Keep cool, don't say anything, a freaking trumpet blare could make her burst through the barrier.

"namu..." DAMMIT BRAIN!

"Oh my... is that you.... Aoi?" There wasn't any fear behind her voice, more of embarassement.

"Um.... yes?" 'PLEASE NO BUSTING THROUGH THE BARRICADE TO HUG ME... I BEG OF YOU!!!' She started to fly up and peeked over the barricade.

"Who is it darling?" Rarity by the sound of it...

"It's Aoi," I heard something give... three guesses what it was...

*Aoi Processing mode*

"Wasn't this gag cut yesterday?" The barricade came crashing down on my end, my head busting through it, towel and all...

"I'm sorry!" Fluttershy dove into the water trying to hide. The more surprising reaction actually came from my end.

"GYAAAHH!!!!" I screamed in a High pitched voice. Rarity just stared.

"DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SHAME!" I looked back.

"Well... not really," That's a surprise, coming from the melodramatic pony, "Ponies usually don't wear clothes..." 'GAH!' She's right, except for AppleJack, with that hat and all...

"Well that's true..." how long as Fluttershy been underwater? 'My Aoi sense is... OH FUQ IT!'

"I'm coming Fluttershy!" I dive into the Mare's end of the Hotspring and fish out a gasping fluttershy, "Embarrassment's not worth it Fluttershy! SPEAK TO ME!!!"

"CAN'T BREATHE, TOO HEAVY!." I realize I'm sitting right on top of her.

"Oops..." She coughs and vomits what seems like gallons of mineral water. I wade back into my end, right when I thought I could relax...

"So what brings you to the hotsprings?" Casual conversation always fixes the most awkward of situations.

"Fluttershy and I always have a day to enjoy the spa... and you?"

"I came here to Detox." They had no idea what I meant, "Huh, now that I think about it, there really isn't much pollution in Ponyville. I guess I just came here because I missed hot springs." I crouched into the water and started blowing bubbles. Fluttershy saw me and started to giggle. D'AAAAAAAAWWW... again, my only weakness i started to smile.

"Oh Rarity, I never got to thank you again for the wardrobe, it looks great." Every single traditional garb i had, made exactly to the very last stitch. The design actually got her a over seas contract with a Design Company in Japony.

"Oh it's nothing, It is I who should be thanking you," she waved the matter shyly. I just shrugged and sat there. Then Fluttershy waded over to my end.

"Thanks for saving me..." Scottish accent activate, BOOP.

"Ah tish nothin wee lass, just me doin what Ah thought was rreight," Bagpies played while I said that... lulz. She giggled again, then smiled at me with a *squee*. 20% more adorable... NO MORE! 'I JUUST CAN'T HANDLE IT, CAPTAIN. I DON'T HAVE THE POWER!!!' I decided to leave before things got more awkward, then Rarity saw what I looked like without my clothes, from hearts popping out of her eyes expression, I'd say I look pretty damn sexy. I blushed as I wrapped a towel around my waist.

"Ahem, I'd best be going now..." I said peeking out from behind the wooden door.

"Why don't you stay a while?" she patted the water as if it were a chair...

"Oh my look at the time I got to go, I think I hear Pinkie callling me, Bye!" I dashed out of there as quickly as possible, in cartoon terms, leaving behind a smoke statue lasting only a second. 'NOT GOOD!'

As I was running for my virginity a letter popped up in front of me, two infact, I grabbed them and slid to a stop to read them. First one from Luna:

Dear Aoi,

Yes I do play video games, and thank you for reminding me that I've been waiting for the Noon release of The Equestrian Scrolls V: Skybloom.

From a fellow gamer,

Princess Luna

Face paw! 'The Equestrian Scrolls V? Now I've seen everything...' Then I see the Letter from Princess Celestia marked Confidential.

At my home I lock the door and slowly walk to my chair, sit down in it, and open the letter and start to read...

Letters for a lifetime [9x]

Dear Aoi,

As this concerns friendship, I'm only going to repeat this once, the letter is timed to self destruct after you've read it so remember everything carefully.

Yes, I had a friend long ago, his name I will not say, we were... aquainted with each other for a bit, and I saw him as a best friend, when I started taking my responsibilities seriously, he... started showing his true colors, he caused trouble in Equestria, at first just pranks and jokes, but then turned to drastic actions. Luna and I had to wield the elements of harmony in order to stop him. But why are you asking this of me?

-Celestia

It seems both Celestia and Discord had things to settle... I think I have an Idea on why things went sour, but how can I make this work. I thought about this while the letter disintegrated scrap by scrap into green smoke from my hand.

"It seems both you and Celestia see things eye to eye... somewhat." I called to the now wide-eyed Discord...

"Both of you right now have been honest so far, according to this letter, but she's holding back... I think she's still trying to get over this hurdle," I stood up now to look Discord in the face, "but no amount of feathers can get you over this..."

"She really thinks that about me..." He seemed upset due to the wording of the letter..

"Not as you might think... even through written words, there are things I can tell others are hiding..." I rewrite the letter from memory, then circle and underline some parts.

"The fact that she doesn't mention your name, yet allures to the lore clearly hints to you, but she still respects your privacy, even through you're currently stone. She also revealed that you were her best friend, here, not 'just a friend'. Also she sees that you did these things out of 'drastic' necessity, she had some idea why you were doing these things. then this last part: 'I HAD to wield the elements of harmony to stop him' meaning she thought of this only as a last resort, at the time. In short, she still saw you as a friend, knew you were doing these things because of the growing rift, but due to her current burden, she couldn't think of anything else but to stop you then think about it later... a mistake on her part, and she's starting to see at such..." Discord started to make sense of my explanation.

"But how did you figure all this out from her letter?"

"Apparently you were only watching the INTERESTING parts of my life... you skipped me taking psychology for 2 and a half years, then dropping out."

"So how does this help?"

"Easy... I'm going to take a step in the psychological dark." I pull out a piece of parchment...

Dear Princess Celestia,

I'd like to talk about this.. are you free?

Aoi

I breath in deeply and whisper the words 'Watashi wo Okuru (I send)". The letter lifts into the sky and vanishes in green smoke...

"Wait, you're going to actually Talk to her about this..." he seemed skeptical about this...

"Oh you of little faith, I simply asked if she'd like to talk about it..." a letter appeared in front of me again...

Dear Aoi,

My duties prevent me from meeting you at this current time, see me after the Lunar festival next month in Canterlot.

Princess Celestia

"It seems we now have an audience with an old friend..." I slowly smile...

"So why are you doing this..." Neither rejecting nor approving of the idea, a string holding onto a sliver of hope.

"Friends help each other." I take a swig of milk from the jar in the fridge and wipe off my muzzle.

"So, Discord, get ready, cause in about a month, you and Celest are going to have a Renunion of a lifetime." He slightly blushed.

"Try ten..." both on board... now all I need is some sleep.

Two Gaiden Chapters a chapter apart, I couldn't just let this new developement blow off too soon. But now it's time to get back to the gist of everyday life, starting with an Unexpected Surprise.

Damn Nature, YOU SCARY! [10]

Damn Nature, YOU SCARY!

Day 8, Last day of Fall in Ponyville

I wake up feeling a bit different, a bit warmer... Oh well, at least it feels nice considering it's almost winter... wait, it's almost winter. According to my calculations I must have landed here in the middle of... eh I don't fuckin care anymore, FIVE MORE MINUTES!!! Zzzzz......

'AAHHHH, DAMMIT I CAN'T SLEEP!!!' Now I wake up... morning routine, grab some raw bacon from the fridge. A real wolf eats raw bacon before he goes to bed, instead of cornflakes, I EAT BACON! As for if it's actual bacon or not, it's not, just tofu bacon synthesied with treesap for chewiness, just like actual bacon, but a little earthier. I brush my teeth, which is surprisingly easier considering their pointed so can get between them by just brushing. Wash my face, and dry too otherwise I smell like wet dog... I can manage looking poofy for a few hours if it means not smelling wierd. Smooth out my white fur-

"WHOA!" I fall over in surprise, I slowly get back up and look at myself in the mirror.  I touch everything to make sure I'm not on anything or dreaming: my face, my paws, EVERYTHING is white except for two black splotches above my eyes. "Holy shit, I'm 20% cuter!" Fluffy fur + White fur = glomp/squee fest of the century.

'I'm doomed, Fuqed, screwed, a goner, and all that jazz... Fluttershy's going to glomp me to death... '

I take a deep breath and exhale... ooooohhm... NOT WORKING! I facetable and decide to just eat breakfast and hope for the best. I look up and find a present from Pinkie Pie, wait, How'd SHE get... oh...

I open it to find a warm apple pie, probably from me helping her with those cupcakes. I take out the pie and get a fork from the drying rack. I slowly cut the delicately layed crust, pulling out a warm steamy square of the golden pasty, gingerly blowing on the morsel and finally popping it into my...

"DAMMIT IT'S HOT!" I rush to the fridge to swallow 6 gulps of milk. I wait 10 minutes for it to cool and try again. the pie is probably lukewarm now. I start taking huge bites. OHMYGAWD it's sooooooo delicious. FOODGASM INDEX METER: OVER 9000!!! I start scarfing the pie down, enjoying each sticky sweet bite, indulging so much in the pie that I don't notice that my eating sounds similar to OMNOMNOMNOMNOM...

Great, now my face is dirty again... wash, dry and repeat. Great, I'm even fluffier now.  Maybe I should just stay inside today, yes... stay inside, read a book! I look at the bookshelf, only 2, a phonebook and a dictionary courtesy of Twilight. So much for that idea... I know! My ApplePod! Thank you technology...

"FAHK!" out of battery. I put it in the charger and wait. 2 fucking hours to charge my mp3 player. Maybe going outside isn't such a bad idea, at least It'll be cooler outside. Alright, I'll go for a walk, a little noche, stop by Sugar cube corner, see what's going around town, check out some books from the library, then stay inside. Wow, an actually normal day, never done one of those in a while. Screw it, let's raise some hell!

I walk outside and hop up onto the roof, pull out an unmarked cannon and a switch and sit on the cannon.

"I'M GONNA DO AN INTERNET!" I flip the  switch, the cannon fires a giant Rainbow over Ponyville.

"Well I'm going to read a book," Twilight shuts the windows. I fall off the roof laughing. I love you hammerspace. After getting up I decide to start my day... which reminds me: I STILL don't have a job yet. To be specific I'm still living off the bits Princess Celestia gave me, how much was it again? I head to the bank of Ponyville to check my balance.

"65,043 bits?" and that's after house and renovations. DAMN how much did she give me anyway?

===A little while back===

"Oh just some gunpowder, some powertools, and some bits to help me on my travels." I said holding out a palm.

"Of course," specifically she gave me a voucher for the armory to spare some gunpowder, a toolbox, and a check stamped with the royal seal, for....

===Present===

"Ma'am could you please recall for me the amount deposited to my account when I cashed that check?"

"Why yes, the exact amount was 95,000 bits." Sweet Mother of GAWD! I'll be living off the Interest for a while.Anywho back to what I was doing... um... what was I doing? Oh right, stop by the bake--

"OH GOD!" I suddenly get run over by Applejack.

"WHOA, sorry there mist---" She pauses as she sees me, oh right, different fur.

"Are you a family member of Aoi?"

"Nope, it's me." Her jaw dropped, then started to postulate my strange appearance.

"Did Rarity jump you in your sleep and dyed your fur like that?"

"Sugar, I don't know what happened to me, I just woke up like this and- OH GOD! AppleJack, DON'T let Fluttershy find me..." I hide behind the bronze pony, hoping it'll help.

"I don't think you'll have to worry about Fluttershy anytime soon, poor thing got herself a bad case of Feather Flu, and has to stay in the hospital. for a bit." I sigh a breath of relief.

"So what are you in such a hurry for?" There must be something interesting for her to almost have a hit-n-run record.

"Well DUH!, the Run of the Leaves!"

"Run of the what now?" Holiday? Race? WHICH IS IT!?

"Oh right, nonequestrian, the Run of the Leaves is like a town wide marathon in order to make the leaves fall for the winter." Hmm, that gives me an Idea...

Run of the Leaves

"Hello Once Again Audience! When we left off I was Here in a hot air baloon with Pinkie Pie, resident party pony of Ponyville, and the ponies were lining up at the starting line. Pinkie what are your thoughts on the run."

"Who are you?"

"It's me Aoi, I'm the ONLY wolf living here in Ponyville. I just look different."

"Now that I think about you do look a little ghastly, like ghastly ghost or a ghostly ghast or something like that."

"You mean a ghostly ghastly ghost?"

"Right!"

"But of course! Pinkie, do you have any idea why I look different?"

"Did you accidently drop white paint on yourself?"

"Checked,  It's not paint..."

"Did Rarity ambush you in your sleep and dye you white?"

"Possibility, but I didn't see any purple hair around my house."

"What about *GASP* aliens?"

"Nuh-uh, no ectoplasmic residue."

"Wow you really thought this through huh." I roll my eyes.

"And the race begins with AppleJack and Rainbow Dash leading the pack."

"I get it, Leading the pack, cause you're a wolf. HA!" way to break the mold.

"Anywho, let's get down to the race!" I jump down from the ballon and catch up with Twilight, not hard since she was at the back of the crowd.

"So Twilight, do you have any idea why I look different? You must have read up something about wolves." She stopped idead in her tracks to polnder my inquiry.

"Actually, I haven't!" FACEPAW of DA CENTURY! The most erudite pony in Ponyville doesn't know shit about how I'm now 20% more cute and huggable.

Oh well, I'm safe for one day, might as well have fun. THIS CALLS FOR A FUGGIN STAMPEDE! I start running past the crowd, AJ and RD, leading everyone on a completely different road, and signal for Pinkie Pie to bring out her one pony band instruments:

I once knew a guy,

obsessed with the afterlife *Rainbow Dash tries to pull ahead*

Oh what a terrible day that was,

he realized he'd wasted all his time *I pull RD's tail to bring her back*

Time was ticking by,

and he'd been left behind *Berry frost smacks into a tree*

And as the clock tick-tocked

his heart did stop and everything he had was fucked *I turn into a carwheel*

And we know not what we do (Can you hear them call?)

Will we ever make it through? *I start jumping*

As they watch us fall from the sky to the ground to the sea

Woe is me, woe is me, no one will save you now *I minisalute to Bluebonnet who tripped on her hooves*

We can only look away! (away, away, away, away!)

We'll not be victims there'll be no victims of to speak

And only then will we be free *I start Tarzan surfing on some vines nearby*

And up will rise the meek *disMOUNT*

And when we fall we will fall together *I go into a Gachaman Skydive as everyother pony falls off the cliff*

No one will catch us so we'll catch ourselves *I grab AppleJack and flip her upwright as we land*

And where we roam we will roam forever *I start running on all fours now*

No one will understand what we meant *GROUND SURF TIME*

*As the solo plays I start running like normal again, Pulling out a rocket launcher  to blow a hole in the mountain, then Angel and a whole bunch of bunnies start running along beside the crowd, when we come out the other side, a whole bunch of bats trail us out of the cave at the other end*

The beaten and the bruised, forsaken, the abused

Oh what a glorious day we'll have rising up and claiming all our dues *I catch a falling apple and eat it*

The day will come as sure as the ever-setting sun

All of those that self-imposed will find themselves so indisposed

And we know not what we do (Can you hear their call?) *Rocks start falling*

Will we ever make it through? *Rockslide starts*

As they watch us fall from the sky to the ground to the sea *I start surfing on a tree log as the rocks cause waves to carry us across the lake*

Woe is me, woe is me, no one will save you now

We can only look away! (away, away, away, away!) *hang ten bitches*

We will not be victims there'll be no victims of to speak *we run back on land*

And only then will we be free

And up will rise the meek *We run off a rock onto the clouds, twilight sparkle casting an area wide cloudwalker spell*

And when we fall we will fall together *clouds end*

No one will catch us so we'll catch ourselves *I pull out a huge matress as everypony bounces off of it*

And where we roam we will roam forever *Start running again*

No one will understand what we meant  *I pull out a saxaphone for the kick ass solo*

*During the solo, RD and AJ start roughhousing for second place, more ponies start dropping due to exhaustion. I toss back the sax accidently hitting somepony in the face. Then I pull out a mike for the last verse, then hop backwards and stand on the backs of AJ and RD*

Now, with the line drawn in the wet sand

You need to tell us where to stand

Sitting waiting watching rotting everything they warned us of is true

Now tell me what we're all supposed to do

They're coming after all of us with everything they've got *take a big inhale*

With the fury of a soldier who will answer to his God *pause to look at Derpy floating past me*

So how will we fight? All we have is logic and love on our side *i throw away the mike and head back to the front.*

*I signal to Pinkie to bring up the baloon with an electric guitar*

And when we fall we will fall together *RD starts to speed up*

No one will catch us so we'll catch ourselves *AJ jumps over her to get to the front*

And where we roam we will roam forever *I jump onto Aj wearing a napoleon hat and pointing a rapier forward*

No one will understand what we meant

*I shove me, AJ and RD into a huge cannon and shoot us out of it as the music pauses for a second. The music picks back up when we land as I start running Nyan Cat style, Rainbow dash right next to me. Then at the last stretch me, RD and AJ pass the finish Line at the same time as the music stops*

I land and start skidding pointing back and laughing.

"THAT WAS AWESOME!" Win pose activate, boop. I stand up slowly and wipe the dirt off of my clothes as the rest of the ponies cross the finish line.

"And this year's winners for the Run of the Leaves are," the mayor announced on the podium, "Twilight sparkle for third place,  Aoi, Rainbow Dash, and AppleJack for Second place, and Derpy Hooves for first! Congradulation."

"I wooon! What did I win again?" Derpy Hooves sat there on the winner's podium with a confused look on her face. Lol.

"I would've gotten first place if it wasn't for that wierd dude that shot us out of the cannon at the end. Who was that  wolf anyway?" I walk up to Rainbow Dash and reply.

"That would me me, Surprised?" Rainbow Dash turned around shocked.

"Aoi? that was you? you're... you... you're white!" Racist...

"Yeah, something wierds been going on with my fur, I changed over night and I can't seem to figure out why." I start washing my face at a nearby lake, dried it off, then perceive what kills it all, Fluttershy walking outside her cottage and spotting me, eyes as wide as the moon.

"Well I'm right fuqed aren't I?"

*SPARTA GLOMP!*

"*SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE*  OH HOW CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!" DAMMIT AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALL!

"CHOKING NOT BREATHING! VITAL SIGNS FADING BEFORE MY VERY EYES! EKG FLATLINEING!" She recongizes my voice and backs away.

"AOI?! Is that you?" I nod trying to recover what little breath and strength of my windpipe I have left.

"Oh my gosh! It's just like Lily!" Fucke the What now?

"Every year Lily's coat changes from brown to white in the winter and then white to brown again in the spring. I didn't know you could do that too." Everypony gathers around me and Fluttershy and then 'Ohhhh's!' I facepaw. Then Angel comes up to me and Shrugs, understanding my plight.

Genral Rule of the Cartoon Universe: The more adorable a character is, the more everyone else will try and kill that character with hugs and affection.

===============

Dear Princess Luna,

How many people tried to hug you when you were younger?

From the curently #1 victim of glomp,

Aoi

===============

The Griffin is Flying, We must Attempt to Live [11]

The Griffin is Flying, We Must Attempt to Live!

Canterlot Royal Palace

"Oh LUNA! We have MAIL!" Celestia cheered in a singsongy voice.

"To the couch!" Immediately the purple alicorn zoomed into the den straight into the couch, tipping it slightly.

"Now, now Luna, no need to get all excited," Luna Pouted.

"Don't tell me you don't get all excited when you get mai," Luna countered.

"Of course I get a little happy," Celestia sighed, "Oh, the only one's for you."

"YAY!" Luna grabbed it in a flash.

Dear Princess Luna,

How many people have tried to hug you when you were younger?

From the curently #1 victim of glomp,

Aoi

Celestia burst into laughter,

"Well for starters, there was me, Then Shining Armor, then Blueblood, all your admirers, and that gorgeous Pegasus from Stallion Fransisco...." Luna fumed.

"What's a glomp? and Why is He a victim of it?" Luna was perplexed.

"Well according to Ponypedia, a glomp is a sort of running tackle hug. As for why he's a victim of it one can only postulate."

"He's not really that cute persay..."

Day 9, Ponyville

"...so that's why an arrow to the knee is NOT a contingency plan!" I explained to Rainbow Dash. Now how macroeconomics ties into the palace guards, no fuckin idea...

*Fluttershy used Tackle

It's SUPER effective*

"Now until my fur changes back to normal I'm doomed to be the squish toy for one Fluttershy the pegasus." I sighed.

"Oh your just so cute and even more fluffy than yesterday." I fuckin hate you nature... Rainbow dash giggled.

"Wow, the famous dragonslayer taken down by a pegasus." All three of us turned around.

"MASAKA! (It can't be!)" but it was, Gilda the Griffin in full feathered badassery. Fluttershy Immediately hid behind me as I stood  as Rainbiw dash's Jaw dropped.

"You try try to escape a flying Cuteness seeking missle," I glanced down at a cowering Fluttershy. She stopped and started to peek from behind me.

"Hey, listen... I'm.... sorry for yelling at you..." Gilda reached out her claw to Fluttershy. Must take extreme amount of guts to do. Fluttershy slowly shook her claw, like defusing a bomb. When she saw Gilda really had changed, She came out of hiding.

"Oh..um.. it's nothing..." I could barely hear her... bless her heart, and her face...

"So why exactly is she all hugs and mushy on you?" Gilda seemed bemused to the fact that a dragonslayer is doted on by the most sensitive soul on the face of Equestria. Facepaw.

"I'm a furball with feet, WHAT DO YOU THINK!" Gilda chuckled.

"Anywho's I'm going to go and get a bite to eat, a little morsel, some sushi, maybe and apple pie---"

"Not so fast!" Rainbow dash Caught me by the scruff, 'NOT GOOD!' "we just met let's talk a bit."

"How about we talk over breakfast, after the trojan war stops waging in my stomach!" suddenly i head an explosion coming from my midriff. DAMMIT! Everyone started looking at me with a strange face.

Breakfast, Sugar Cube Corner

Gilda seemed uneasy dining with us here. RD told me this is where Pinkie had the party. Mrs. cake came up and took our orders:

"I'll have some apple pie a la mode, scrambled eggs and some nigiri-zushi."

"Nothing for me," Gilda probably ate already.

"Eggs sunny-side up with some hay bacon strips," 'want some applejack daniels to go with that RD?'

"Daisy sandwich," to me, flowers just taste nasty.

"Uh... Aoi, we may need some help on the last food item of your order." I look back to see Mr. Cake about to go all Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on that poor fish's ass. Double Facepaw! I get up and grab a fugu knife from the knife rack nearby, Why the fuck does a bakery carry a fugu knife? I have no fuckin idea what kind of fish this is... I wash my paws and use the fugu knife to sample each cut of the fish to see which cut I want. I slowly cut two slivers of Otoro, turns out it's tuna, and mold them onto the sushi rice, place them on a plate with some wasabi paste at the end and some nori to go along with them. HOW THE FUCK IS THIS BAKERY EVEN QUALIFIED TO EVEN HAVE THESE INGREDIENTS!?

"Since when did you learn how to make... what did you just make?" Gilda asked looking at my meager portion.

"One, it's tuna sushi, two, I used to watch my mom make this all the time..." my head hurt a little, and I saw Rainbow Dash whisper to Gilda...

"Don't talk about his parents..." thanks for the sentiment Rainbow.

"Came to visit, Gilda?" I ask the griffin as she slowly sips a glass of water.

"Actually, I came to see you, to thank you personally." I didn't like where this was going.

"Thank you, for everything." she placed the glass on the table, I noticed the scratches on her talons, she recently got into some sort of scuffle, they were worn down, nicked in some spots.

"I also came cause I... need your help," It was serious. Gilda has a stubborn amount of pride, she wouldn't ask for help unless it was something serious, her talons indicated a previous skirmish, the nicks when she grabbed blades, bandits...

"I..." I raised my hand to stop her right there.

"Fluttershy, stay here... unleass you can handle danger where we're going, I suggest you go home. Rainbow Dash, We might need your help." Rainbow Dash had a confused yet interested look on her face, Gilda smiled. Fluttershy went home.

The way I saw it was this, these bandits stole something important from Gilda, something so Important, that she fought back, but these bandits were too much for her, they were armed, blades by the looks of things, but no injuries, meaning she fought, but they simply got away... why get away? It wasn't simply just something, it was someone. My head started to hurt again. I went home and grabbed a katana, forged from the dragon scales of Strawberry Lily. Now to see if the legends are true. I walked outside to meet a worried Rainbow Dash and a gracious Gilda. I kept a staight face...

Noon, Everfree forest

"Gilda, before I help you I'm going to need to know some things. Who is the person I'm saving?" My words struck gold. Gilda started crying but looked away. Someone truly important. I knew enough...

"... let's just go..." we walked a little further in silence, i walked ahead to give Gilda and RD some together time to finally patch things up in person. We started to walk a little farther, then stopped, there were here.

"Well if it isn't the Griffin again, come to rescue her sister. Would you like to see her again?" The bandit leader appeared in front of us from behind a tree, holding on to a younger griffin, pink markings the same design as Gilda's.

"Where's the bits?" the ransom, "you remember the ticket to her freedom right?" they were playing on her emotions...

"Who's the big dude, you're body guard?" the bandit leader pulled out a knife and hovered it over the young griffin's neck, "well where were you when she needed you?" by the voice it was a stallion... one I remembered. I stepped forward, slowly drawing in breath.

"Ah, ah ah, not one more step hero or she gets it." I stop, instinct takes over. Rainbow Dash and Gilda behind me, elevated blood pressure, Rage. I feel my eyes twitch, vision slowly fading to red. The stallion's heartrate skyrockets, fear...

"Osoi JIKAN! (Slow time)" the world distorts, signalling to me the spell worked. I grasped the hilt of my blade, poised into quickdraw stance, I remember the tale that my dad told me long ago:

There long lived a samurai, who hated violence and gave respect to life, weeping tears of blood for any life he took. One day he was forced to choose between killing the man who held another at knife point, or watch the man die. He couldn't choose one life over another, so he killed himself.

'I have this choice... he's made his... my blade is drawn...'

"Kodokuna Shougai! (Lonely Disturbance)" I dash to the bandit leader and slice downward, knocking the knife out of his hand, slicing the knife in two. I proceed to kill the other bandits in rapid succession, the sword melting through the trees they hid behind like wind moving past the the reeds yet cutting across the water's surface. This swordsman's technique would only be possible if one could slow time, leaving all else undisturbed but instantly killing its intended targets, a move befitting it's name. After the others were incapacitated, I moved behind the leader placing my blade over his throat the spell slowing time wearing off. The last few seconds replay in reality, only flashes of my shadow appearing for milliseconds before vanishing again showing only the slashing arcs across each and every target before finally stopping at my position behind the bandit leader.

The bandit leader, frozen with fear, whimpered in hoping to plead for mercy. Gilda's sister flew back into the arms of Gilda in a warm feathery embrace. All three look away. The only one left to deal with was the leader...

"You kidnap a loved one simply to slake your thirst for riches brought on by pain and suffering... tell me..." I lower my voice to a whisper... "do you like bananas?" the leader was too scared to answer but stiffened even more to the realization.

"too bad... there are none in hell..." In one movement I slit the leader's throat and bring my blade back to its sheath, still clean, without a single trace of blood. I think I'll call it, 'Oboro Muramasa'.

I walked slowly toward the now relieved group of Gilda, her sister, and Rainbow Dash. I walk past them, hoping no one would see me wipe away my face.

"C'mon, let's get away from this nightmare..."

The Bonds of Sisterly Love [12]

The Bonds of Sisterly Love

3:00 pm, The Walk back to Ponyville

I let Rainbow Dash, Gilda, and her sister trail behind so they could get to know eachother and catch up, I didn't feel like interupting a family moment, even though RD and Gilda are just friends, they seem almost like sisters. I washed off my fur at a nearby lake, I don't think anypony would appreciate a wolf covered in blood entering the somewhat 90% cheerful town. Then Gilda and her sister started to walk up to me...

"T-Thanks mister..." Mother of Gawd! Gilda's sister sounded just like Fluttershy, except the voice was a little raspy.

"Don't mention it... I mean don't tell anyone." I didn't want to attract any attention going into town, plus the fact that I just wasted an entire Bandit Group in less than 5 seconds, minus the leader of course.

"Don't feel sorry for those creeps, parading around, acting like hot stuff. Truth is, they hit helpless targets all the time, carriages, wagons, anything that's not armed, they'll take what they can and leave no survivors." Gilda was trying to make me feel better, it was working a little, "If anything, it's best they're gone now... Thanks, you really are a legend."

"I'm not..." I was quick to object... I noticed my voice turning harsh and cold... then tried changing the subject.

It started to snow, perfect.

"It's the first day of winter and it's already snowing," I tiled my head towards Gilda in my best Mike Myers impression, "D'you think they're compensating for something." Surprisingly she got the joke and giggled, apparently she's older than she let's on to be. I get up and dust myself off. I stick my paw out to Gilda's sister.

"I'm Aoi, we've never met. Well, Gilda and I have, but not you and I." She suddenly turned bright-eyed in reaction to my now charming demeanor.

"Chloe..." She took my paw in her claw and slowly shook. She was the very polar opposite of Gilda.

Rainbow Dash caught up and assumed I was finished with my mini-melodrama, then surprised me from behind.

"WOW! HOW'D YOU MOVE SO FAST!" 'Goat faint activate, BOOP' Chloe started giggling, Gilda lifted an eyebrow, confused. After snapping out of it I got back up and we all headed back to Ponyville, the snow building up along the way. I didn't really have to put on anything extra, nature took care of that for me, as for the others... not sure.

"So what are you going to do now Gilda? You've got Chloe back and everything's back to normal?" Gilda looked down at Chloe and Rainbow Dash.

"I think... I'll stay for a while, Ponyville... isn't so bad in the winter time..."

"You sure you want to stay in a town full of 'lame' ponies?" remembering what Rainbow Dash said.

"Hey man... I'm down with it, just as long as there are some cool peeps like you and Dashie here." Gilda winked at me. I raised my eyebrow. Wait, I'm back in Ponyville.

"FAHK!" I rush back to my house and barricade the door. THAT'S IT! I'm going into hibernation... wait, WOLVES DON'T HIBERNATE! DAMMIT! I hear a knock on my door.

"Hey, why'd you lock the door?" Rainbow Dash, Thank GAWD! I open the door a crack to let Rainbow Dash, Gilda, and Chloe in.

"... hush! SHE is watching..." by she I mean Fluttershy.

"Ohhhh...." Rainbow Dash whispered my predicament to Gilda.

"You see, on the last day of fall, Aoi's coat changes..."

"You don't have to whisper, I can hear you just fine." Wolf hearing FTW! Rainbow Dash continues.

"...from brown to white, and it becomes all super mega puffy whenever it's dry." Gilda's trying to keep a straight face so bad... "...and so..."

"...and so Until Spring,or whenever the hell my fur changes back, Fluttershy will have the eensy teensy, itty bitty GINORMOUS BUCKING URGE to SQUEEZE ME TO DEATH!" there ARE children in the room after all. Gilda simply cannot take it any longer and bursts into laughter.

"I'm doomed..." I say nonchalantly as I dump a giant bucket of freezing water on Gilda to make her shut up. She Immediately turns into an Ice statue.

General Rule of the Cartoon universe: When temperatures become cold enough around a character, they will literally turn into an Ice statue.

Rainbow Dash starts teasing Gilda...

"What's the matter, COLD enough for ya?" I facepaw and dump water on RD also. She turns into a statue with mouth in Grin position.

"That's why you don't tease people, Wait WHAT THE FAHK AM I SAYING!?" I take two tiny hammers and crack them out of stasis. Did I just PURPOSE to them? Meh... i decide to put on some tea.

General Rule of the Cartoon Universe: Exposure to TOO cold temperatures will actually cause a cold.

"PFFT, Who drinks tea?" both RD and Gilda refuse the tea, while Chloe seemed hesitant.

"I do, and trust me, it's better than that brown stuff that Celestia gets." I show them the tea, a soft light green with a light aroma. The decide to take a small sip. Instantly both of their cheeks become a cherry red and their eyes wide. They chug the rest of the tea and sigh as they place the tea cups back on the plates.

"What IS this stuff?!" Damn, I just converted two hardened individuals to the essence of tea.

Stubborness: 0

Culture: 1

"It's a blend from... Japony, I actually didn't think they still had it. It's mellow so it doesn't overtake your taste buds, but has an easy warm sweetness as you swallow, it's like a lighter version of hot chocolate without the milk. Which Reminds me, I also have some." i pour each of them a mug. Their reactions are priceless. Rainbow Dash actually FLUTTERS over the kitchen table, trying to swim in the air. Dafuq? Gilda Immediately Hugs Chloe softly as a Pink Bubble fog appears. Oh yeah... they like it.

"This... It... THE BEST!!!" How, I mean, wha... I mean..." Rainbow Dash Faints... speechless much? Gilda starts crying...

"It tastes like... Remember Chloe... when mom used to..." What she said made a lone memory come back.

==Aoi, 4 years old==

"But I don't want to drink tea!" I pouted, "I want chocolate!" Mom was very convincing when it came to get me to eat or drink something I didn't like, I liked hot chocolate because it tasted good when mom made it, the first time I had tea it was at a knock off Chinese place. Hence my dislike for tea.

"Now now, I'll make you some chocolate after you drink this tea. Trust me, it wll be the best hot chocolate you have ever had." with that I drank the tea, it was kind of good, better than that restaurant. But what surprised me was when i drank the hot chocolate afterwards. She was right, it was the same hot chocolate she made, same way she made it, but the taste came out extremely different: luxurious, velvety, creamy, yet dispersed when swallowed, no thick aftertaste, and most of all, satisfying. But this was the same hot chocolate, how could the flavor change? Mom explained when she say the look on my face.

"The secret is in the tea," no way that dumb tea could make this taste better, "the tea is light, soft, and hugs your tongue, it doesn't flood it with unfamiliar flavors, but what it does is make sweet things sweeter, rich things nicer, and together they make a perfect combination even though they don't seem like it...

==Present==

"I know... my mom used to make it for me too..." Gilda was surprised when she heard me say it. I stood up and looked out the window, Rear Window moment...

"You wanted to know why it tastes so good? Well, Rainbow Dash, it's just regular hot chocolate..." Rainbow Dash had a confused look on her face when I said it. She looked at the dregs of the mug to find no special ingredient or marshmallow, or anything like that.

"Well then how..." She looked at the wooden tea cup sitting on her plate... 2 + 2 = Bingo!

"You mean to tell me, drinking this tea makes hot chocolate taste better?" I pointed to a picture of Rainbow Dash swimming in air. She blushed with a wide grin and a *squeee*. I wonder if that happends with everypony, happened to me...

"But how does that even make sense?"

"Does it make sense that chocolate chip cookies taste better when dipped in cold milk?"

"I guess not..."

"It the same with most things, the most unlikely combinations make the greatest pair, yet are undiscovered simply because to others they seem... unlikely to happen." Oh yah, definitely Purposing to them, "take you and Fluttershy, for example, you're a loud mouth and Fluttershy barely talks-" I was interrupted by the Second Most Violent Anime kick ever to the back of my head, smashing me through the back wall. Someone give this mare a fuhkin blackbelt or something, GAWD! I stumble out of the wreckage and dust myself off... "*Cough cough* as I was SAYING *glaring at Rainbow Dash*, you go fast everywhere you go, yet Fluttershy stops to take in what life has, and yet noone would think you'd be best of friends. You get what I'm saying?" Rainbow Dash stops fuming for a second to think about what I just said.

"Well... you have got a point there..."

"Still doubtful? Think of what you know about Gilda, ask yourself, would Gilda ask me for help if it was for something trivial?" I had her there...

"Well no..." Rainbow Dash admitted it in front of her best friend.

"Gilda let me ask you something... A good quality of your sister would be she knows how to listen, am I right?" She nods, surprised that I knew this. I looked at Rainbow Dash and she started to fully understand.

"Now your probably wondering, what does this have to do with anything? Quite frankly I think was just rambling on about something, but what you dod with what I just told you is your own business, if you don't mind, I need to repair a big hole in my wall," The three of them laughed and just left, Rainbow Dash glancing back at me before closing the door, silently telling me she found my purpose...

============

Dear Princess Celestia,

9001 bits say you and Luna have almost nothing in common.

The Only Child,

Aoi

P.S.: IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!

============

I have no idea how to use this thing... [13]

I Have No Idea How to Use this Thing...

Day 10, Ponyville

Wake Up, morning routine,

"Fuck it, I'M HIGH! Let's make cupcakes!"

Day 10, 2 minutes later, Ponyville

"WHOA! CUPCAKES EVERYWHERE!" Pinkie Pie notices the disturbance that the entirety of Ponyville is covered in cupcakes, and starts 'resolving' the problem by eating them.

"But where did these cupcakes all come from?" Twilight wondered who would have the time and capacity to cover the entire city in cupcakes.

Meanwhile, in my house:

"MAKIN CUPCAKES MUTHAFAKAHS!" Discord faceclaws.

"Why are you making cupcakes exactly? Why not pie?"

"What are you talking about Discord, I baked you a pie," I pointed at a pie on the counter as I was waiting for my egg timer to ring.

"Ooh! what flavor is it, key-lime, cherry, chocolate mousse?" He wondered what was covered by the perfectly golden brown pie crust. I put on my sunglasses and answered to his dismay.

"PIE FLAVOR!" a smaller pie jumped out of the original pie and landed on the counter, Discord looked at me with saddened eyes.

"Don't worry, it only does that 5 more times, remember the Matryoshka Limit?"

Matryoshka limit: You can't nest more than 6 H0 models.

"Nevermind the Pie, so your big plan for today is to cover Ponyville in Cupcakes?" I nod as I throw out another batch of chocolate creme filled cupcakes onto the street.

"What's your big plan afterwards?"

"What plan? I'm just making cupcakes." Need I a reason to make cupcakes? Maybe...

Back outside:

"We have to do something about all these cupcakes! There all over the place!" Pinkie Pie objects.

"Says you, I like cupcakes."

Back inside my house:

"Alright that shoud be enough cupcakes..." I wipe my brow of sweat. Then pull out a wand with a fourfaced cue on the end.

"Go my child!" I wave the wand and turn everylast cupcake I made into snow, I was hoping for bunnies...

Back outside:

"WHAT THE... What happened to all the CUPCAKES!" Pinkie pulls a sadface.

Back Inside:

I pull out a flamethrower to thaw out the Ice.

"Since when did you get a flamethrower?"

"Honestly, I have no idea, but by God in heaven I'm going to use it at least once without getting into trouble."

"Well, have fun with it, just don't slip on the ice." Discord clicks his tongue, slips on his shades, and heads out the door.

"I won't..."

Back outside:

"By the way, where's Rarity?"

"Oh will you just LOOk at this," Rarity climbs out of the snow, "My Entire outfit is ruined!" AppleJack tries to reason with her.

"Rarity, it's a parka, it's suppose to be covered in snow."

"I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO USE THIS THING!!!!" I Yell as I burst out my front door on a snowboard, I lose my balance and faceplant in the snow, hurts a lot less...

"I've seen a lot of things from Pinkie Pie, but this pretty much ties you with her on Randomness," Rainbow Dash points out. I pull my face out of the snow,

"Sup, Bro?"

"Where'd all this snow come from?" Twilight wondered, by now Ponyville was kneedeep in snow.

"I maaaaaay have caused a whole bunch of cupcakes to be transmorgified into snow... on accident," I spotted Pinkie wimpering in the corner.

"Oh lighten up Cheese plot, I've got plans for all this snow," that I just thought up this very second, I honestly have no idea where I'm going with this. 'Flamethrower Activate, Boop!' In about ten minutes I've managed to make the entirity of Ponyville into a skate rink, even the roofs.

"GREEEEAAAT, Now what... you turned Ponyville into Equestria's largest Ice Sculpture, that's your big finish?" Didn't know twilight had sarcasm in her.

"Silly filly," pull an awesomeface, "It's not JUST and Ice Sculpture, it's also Equestria's largest Ice rink!" I fish out a pair of Ice skates from my dobuku. Pinkie Pie seemed overjoyed now. Twilight, not so much. *Sigh*... fucking beautiful...

"STOP RIGHT THERE!" Oro? It was the mayor, WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE THE WHOLE TIME, "You can't Just Ice all of Ponyville?! What about the ponies that can't Ice Skate... (like me)"

"Technically I can," I pull out a copy of Equestrian Law, "Chapter 102, Article 5 Subsection D-7: 'In the event of a weather related incident, all means necessary can be applied by an Individual to resolve said incident.' I use a flamethrower to get rid of the Snow, it turns to Ice, no longer my problem since I removed the snow, just inadvertedly replaced it with sheets of Ice, relax, have fun, use a snowboard," I toss her one of mine. She guess since it was in legal bounds it was okay... I love you strangely worded legalities of Equestria.

Spike and the mane 5, Fluttershy absent, confronted me as I was about to put on my Ice skates,

"I know it's winter and all, but why did you make a whole bunch of cucakes turn into snow anyway?" Pinkie seemed quite upset still.

"I was hoping for bunnies..." an overshadow appeare over the group as the mood turned dull I pulled out the Wabbajack and explained, "This, my good mares, is a Wabbajack, an artifact that made it here along with me from Skyrim. It was a gift from someone for helping a dead guy get trhrough his psycological episode," they decided not to ask any questions, "Basically, Its sole purpose is to defy the laws of all common sense and reality and cast magic having an absolutely random effect, in all sense or lack thereof, Russian Roulette with magic." I waved it and cast it at Pinkie, turning her into a bunny, SONOVABITCH! 10 seconds later she turns back to normal.

"So let me get this straight, you were making cupcakes so you could turn them into bunnies?" Bingo.

"Essentially yes, instead I got snow... fancy that... now we've got Equestria's largest Ice statue/rink/whateverthehellstillinvolvesice, *biginhale* and I have no idea what now," Man this days been full of unpredictable things.

"Oh well, guess everyone's got the day off until the Ice thaws, NO SCHOOL! Oh wait, I don't go to school anymore," I pause to watch Derpy slide past me carrying mail.

"Letter for Rainbow Dash!"

"Ahem, the letter says it's for Rarity..."

"Oops... my bad..." She lays on her back and scoots away on the ice. Rarity grabs the letter and opens it.

"*SUPER UBER LONG DRAMATIC GASP* Ponyville is going to be featured in a Photoshoot by Photo Finish," I turned towards a nearby snowbank, knelt, and facesnowed.

General Rule of the Cartoon Universe: After a while, you stop believing in coincidences.

"She heard the news in Canterlot of how Ponyville turned to Ice and she's going to be coming HERE to do a Photoshoot for the Winter Edition of Pony Vogue, and wants ME to design the clothing line,"  you've gotta be shittin me...

*Aoi processing mode*

"Okay, If you don't mind, I'm going to barricade myself in my hose for the week before the paparazzi get-" I hear a flurry of shutterclicks, "SON OF A BEYETCH!" a reporter rights down what I just said,

"...son of aaaaaaaaa beyetch... got it." I doublefacepaw. Before I'm overrrun with questions I head inside and lock the door. Just then i hear a French-German heavily accented voice.

"Yes.. YES... ZAT is the look I VANT!" a FLASH fills the entire house. 'I'M BLIND!!!' I try to recover my sense of vision, flailing around like a bloomin idiot, I trip on my own paws and fall.

"Just who the fuck are you?" I ask not daring look up a second time.

"I am ART, I am FASION, I am PHOTO FINISH!"

"How'd you get in here again?" I get up to brush myself off to be blinded again by the Flash, "DAMMIT!" I careen into the back wall.

"My art TRANSCENDS BARRIERS!" she broke in, in other words, "Plus the door was open." 'SHIT!'

"Sorry, I'm not doing photos, I'm not a model, have fun, see you later, shouldn't you be running for your life, I mean you are face to face with a wolf, *big Inhale* BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" Like it? I love shoopin da whoop. The lazer sent Photo Finish screaming out the door, and also burned a hole in my wall.

"If you want to do a photoshoot, see Rarity." Now I need to fix the whole in my wall.

Lunch Time, Ponyville

"Sun's still not showing through the clouds, Ponyville's still covered in Ice, and my wall's fixed." I dust off my hands as I walk out the front door. Paparazzi's gone... so's that shutterbug Photo Finish. Guess they must have finishe OH GAWD!

*OBAMA TERIYAKI GLOMP*

"Dammit!" I thought about this before and I decided a reasonable course of action.

Sugar Cube Corner

"PPFFFFFFFFFFFFFAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHH! You, carrying Fluttershy on your back?" Way to rub salt on the wound, Rainbow Dash. I glared at RD while ordering some Sea Bass Sashimi. The way I figured is this, Fluttershy is actually pretty light, latches on like a mofo, and is actually pretty soft when she's not trying to kill me with love an affection.

"At least She's no longer a cute seeking missile anymore," Fluttershy falls asleep on my back... still keeping a vice grip on my shoulders though. I'm not sure this is a good idea though, she does have to take care of the woodland creatures. The bell rings as Rarity comes in with the WIDEST ASS GRIN ever to look sewed onto anyone's face.

"I take it the Photoshoot went well." I'm answered by a frantic barrage of squeaks, squeals, and flailing arms, she grabbed me by the paws and started dancing around the room.

"Photo Finish want to feature the Blue Lagoon as a Hot Topic in the next issue of Pony Vogue!" The Blue Lagoon was an outfit I'd asked for made out of wool and cotton, a blue dofuku with a cerulean hakama. Rarity apparently kept the design and made another set out of silk for the dofuku. Wait that means...

"Oh THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU!" DAMMIT ALL! I thought I was done with spine breaking hugs for the day.

"A ROUND OF ICECREAM CAKE FOR ALL!" THE CAKE IS A LIE! mainly because I can't eat chocolate with my current anatomy, not sure what happens when I do, but don't want to find out, "Vanilla flavour for Aoi of course," THANK YOUUUUUU, RARITY!

Ice cream cake... a marriage of a heary fluffy exterior, soft, spongy, yet with a delicate structure along with the cold, melting taste of a creamy base yet full flavored body. Whoever thought of this wonderful culinary creation deserves my utmost respe-

*BOOM*

'Fluttershy Goat faint activate boop!'

"OH WHAT THE FUCK?!" I glance at my Icecream cake on the floor horribly ruined by the explosion, "NO! SPEEAK TO MEEEEEE!" What, can't I have ONE melodramatic moment? Moreover, what the hell was that explosion?

*BOOOOOOOOM*... SHUT UP! [14]

*BOOOOOOOOM*... SHUT UP! [14]

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM*... SHUT UP!

Day 10, Lunch Time, Ponyville

"Spike! What happened?"  Twilight saw the purple dragon lying there beside the crater.

"Ohhhh... my head," Twilight dragged Spike away from the crater.

The crater itself seemed very deep, with a small object at the center. The Object was a blue booth that had the words 'Police Box' on it, standing at a slant. the door opened as a frantic Doctor Hooves came out, coughing due to the resulting smoke, he started to climb up the crater.

"Fluttershy, can you help him up?" Fluttershy floated down and picked up the pegasus, placing him on the ice. The Doctor caught his breath.

"Now maybe you can tell us a bit about what happened..."

"*GASP*," the Doctor started to speak but no sound surfaced, then he coughed.

"Oh my Gosh that was horrible, I almost lost my voice there for a second," he took a few seconds to catch his breath then continued, "Am I still in Ponyville, oh thank goodness. Okay, Whew! Hooves? Intact. Mane? Frazzled but still noticable.Tail? *GASP* Where's my tail? WHERE IS MY TA- oh there it is," The Doctor started petting his tail like a pet. then stood up and started to explain his plight, "There's a disaster coming to Canterlot that both Princess Luna and Princess Celestia need every single pony's help, they've sent letters but they'll take too long, so I took the liberty of using the TARDIS to deliver the message faster, now where can I find a towel?" he started looking around frantically. The mane 6 gathererd together for a group meeting.

Meanwhile, Inside Sugar Cube Corner:

"It looks like I'm going to have to do this," I put on my sunglasses, "Pinkie Pie style..."

Back outside:

Spike belched out a letter from Princess Celestia, immediately Twilight opened the letter and read it out loud.

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

It is urgent that you and your friends arrive to Canterlot Immediately, there's no time to waste.

Princess Celestia

P.S.: Bring Aoi...

"He's RIGHT!" Twilight exclaims after finishing the letter.

"Of course I'm right!" The pegasus turns around to continue his search, "Nobody ever listens to a time lord..."

"C'mon everybody, we need to get to Canterlot as Soon as possible! Rarity, Help me cast the teleportation spell."

"Right!" The six crowd together in the area of effect for the teleportation spell.

"Everone, meet us in Canterlot by train, something tells me we're going to need the horsepower." Just then Twilight remembers the letter.

"Where's Aoi?" The spell goes into effect, and the 6 are gone in a flash. After their departure all the city guards and able bodied colts and stallions boarded the train for Canterlot, waiting for what fate would bring.

1:00 pm, Canterlot Royal Palace

"Did we make it?" Twilight and the gang rushed to the throne room to meet the Princesses.

"Twilight, you must hurry, help Shining Armor Create a barrier around the city."

"Princess Celestia, what's wrong?" She casts a spell on the mane 6 that seems to do nothing, except flatten Pinky's hair. The pink party pony frowns. The Sun Princess sighs a mix of relief and anguish. She goes toward the rear window and explains.

"The changelings have comeback to Canterlot..." 5 of the mane six gasp in surprise at the new developement, except for Pinkie Pie, trying desperately to reinflate her hair with a bicycle pump. Princess Luna continues to explain,

"It started this morning, a Pony reported her brother acting strange and called it into the Royal Guard's office, when they went to go talk to him, they revealed him as an Impostor. When Interrogated, he turned out to be a changeling, realizing he was caught, he kept his mouth sealed, only occasionally saying 'The Queen will rise again.' Afterwards the entire town has been on full alert, trying to find the changelings. We believe they are build forces by infiltrating Canterlot and impersonating various ponies, mainly those with strong relationships to feed and grow in power..."

"That's awful!"

"Where's Aoi?" Celestia seemed disgruntled by the lack of the wolf's presence.

"We couldn't find him in time, he's still in Ponyville."

"I'm sure he'll get here eventually, we'll need every ounce of help we can get. My guess is that Queen Chryssalis is growing stronger, living off of the feelings of another, waiting to strike, but who is it? Every security caution has been taken, every guard brought here. All we can really do is wait until she makes the first move."

Suddenly the gates burst open, a team of six guards enter the room.

"Princess Celestia, enemies have breached the first checkpoint, their headed this way."

"That's Impossible," Luna objected, "The shield showed no signs of penetration!"

"There was a hole in the defense, 2 lifesigns made it through the barrier,"

"The first one must be Chryssalis," Twilight postulated, "But what about the second one?" Princess Celestia hurried to the middle of the room.

"We must hurry to the main gate." They all run toward the barrier, but find it still intact. Something was wrong.

"Back inside, now!" Luna was the first to realize, it was a setup. The Castle Gates closed, locking the mane 6 and the 2 princesses outside.

"Quick, we need to find another way back inside the castle, Shining Armor's in danger! There's an emergency exit undernear the castle gardens, if we can get there in time, hopefully we can head them off before the changelings get to the barracks!" Time was running out, if they couldn't get there in time, the shield would break, and the Changelings Unleashed once again.

They found the entrance, leading to a dark corridor in a forgotten part of the palace, and kept running, unaware of the safety of their loved ones, the status of the changelings, or if the reinforcements would make it on time to help the looming disaster. The corridor lead to the cellar, then to the main wing of the castle. They rushed towards the barracks to find Shining Armor tied up with changelings surrounding him. One thought was in everyponies' mind at the time,

'This can't be happening!' They heard a loud pop, and then glass shattering on a massive scale. The Invasion had begun.

Outside in the courtyard, the mane six and the Royal Family watched in horror as the Chagelings swarmed in by the millions, their leader, Chryssalis at the fore.

"I'm so happy that I was able to come back and take over again," She said in a melancholy smile, "Months I've been planning my return, smuggling in my minions to take apart your defenses right under your very noses, ans you weren't even the wiser."

"You'll never get away with this!" Twilight stood in front, magic seething at the tip of her horn, "we stopped you once, we can do it again." She shot a magic spell just to have it fizzle out as the Changeling Queen raised a hoof to stop it.

"Oh how wonderful it is, this new power I've uncovered. All it took was a little time, but my how it's blossomed, and it's all thanks to you, Luna." Everypony started to stare at Luna, "The best part is she was doing this all along and she didn't even know it."  Chryssalis plucked a black gemstone from Luna's mane and placed it on a pendant she was wearing.

"Before you sent me flying back to the Edges of Equestria, I planted this little bauble on Luna after I knocked her unconscious." Luna's eyes widen as she recalls waking up to celebratory trumpets, "Ever since then this gem has been feeding off sisterly love between you and Celestia, one particular moment I simply just had to savor." She conjured up the Image of Celestia and Luna hugging in the Palace Den, "So much delicious positive energy that I just had to share it with one of my pets, meet my Arbiter. A shadow stretched across the grounds that soon came into shape and form of a massive shaded Creature with green glowing eyes.

"Go my children, Attack!" The defense was outnumbered, but that didn't stop them from putting up a fight.

The Mane six focused on the grunts while the Royal family tackled the Arbiter. Rainbow Dash Uttered an Earth Shattering 'CHAAARGE' as both sides ran to meet the other, but a glint of light in the sky stopped both sides and coaxed them to look at the mysterious flash that paused the flow of battle. A rumble came from deep within the earth, as if to meet up with the disturbance in the sky, a familiar voice fills the air in a Short but memorable battlecry...

"MUDADA!!!"...

DROP IT! [15]

DROP IT!

5:00pm, Royal Courtyard of Canterlot Palace

"Sky Team! Do you have a Clear view from up there?" Gilda's Sky Team, I'm Ground Level.

"Of Course I do, I'm a Griffin," 'RIIIIIIIIIGHT, Griffins have good eyesight. DERP!" We race towards Canterlot through the forests nearby, taking care of these black horsebat creatures we see along the way.

"Can you see Canterlot?"

"Yes, we're close, but there's some kind of forcefield around it, kind of like bubblegum." Dammit! Forcefield... probably powerful too if it can circle an entire city. THINKING TIME!!! With the forcefield spread evenly over a wide area, the barrier thins out, leaving it vulnerable to bypass, but it needs to be a precise hit to slip through... *GASP* I have an Idea.

"GILDA, can you give me a lift?"

"Why can't you fly?"

"I can only fly with magic, but I need my magic if we're going to get past that forcefield." There's radio silence for a bit before Gilda makes her decision.

"Alright, but consider this a One time thing, you want to fly, next time you're on your own!" She dives down at high velocity and Picks me up by the shoulders. As we get in range for the drop, I relay my plan to Gilda,

"When I tell you to drop, slack your wings and hold me close, that way we can slip through together." She looked at me if I were crazy, which I am, otherwise this would probably never work.

"I don't like the idea either, but do you want to wait for the train to arrive?"

"Like heck I'm going to miss this. Just don't mention this to anyone, EVER!" I decide to change the semantics of the promise and go with the my world version.

"Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." She seemed to think it legit. I stared back at the City...

"Steady... *250 meters*... Steady... *175 Meters*... Steady... *100 meters* DROP!"  I turn my ApplePod on Shuffle and get the perfect track. 'UNLEASH HELL!' I draw my sword as we go into the Dive, if there's any moment where I look more awesome than I do right now, May God have mercy on my soul and take a fuckin picture of it. I point my sword toward the forcefield as we dive straight at it, I take a deep breath and shout.

"HARI no PIASU (Piercing Needle)" Oboro Muramasa glows red and divides the barrier, allowing us to slip through.

"LET GO!" Gilda complies and dives a different direction, towards the group of Celestia, Luna, Shining Armor, and the Mane 6. Now time to make my Grand entrance. I take a big breath in and shout with all the lung capacity I have.

"MUDADA!!!" It FAHKING Worked! 3 milliseconds after I finish, I steamroller manefests itself right Below Me, I crouch on top of it, pull out my camera set it on a 3 second timer, press the button, and let it float right beside me. As I approach the ground I move the steamroller in the direction of the big black creature in the center. I shout at the top of my lungs so that they reach the ground before I do,

"RO OD-O RO-ORA DA! (ROAD ROLLER)" I smash into the ground with such force that the ground in a ten foot radius of the steamroller becomes indented and bits of stone fly up. I slowly stand up, the sun behind my back, I pose in a dominant form and yell through clenched fangs,

"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!" All are taken a back by my sudden entrance.

'My work HERE is done...' just kidding! I hop of the steamroller on the defensive side.

"I thought you weren't coming, Aoi." Celestia remarked.

"I wouldn't miss this even if you'd tied me up underwater, which believe me was the very LEAST of my worries. Oh look there's Gilda." Gilda Landed right nest to RD and both of them headbutted each other in greeting, right when the next track comes from the shuffle, the odds that it was one of my very favorite tracks in all of gaming history is approximately 7823133:1.

I stood into Tenken stance, right as the sun was setting. If i were to describe that one moment in time, I'd honestly have to say it was something straight out of a Feudal Battlefield in Japan.

"Iki mashou (let's go)!" Both sides charged. I took the forefront, clearing the way as RD and AJ zoomed over me, bowling over half a dozen changelings, my target was the leader. Pinkie overcharged the Party cannon and shot through an entire platoon, right into one of the bigger ones. Shining armor called the royal guards to help out, using magic to blow through the enemies, I decided to try something to clear the path easier, I took a deep breath, my paws clenched around the sword,

"HITEN MITSURUGI RYU,  DO-RYU-SEN (Earth Dragon Flash)!" I Pullverise the ground with Oboro Muramasa, Creating a shock wave that clears the way straight to the leader, If I'm not mistaken she's more of a queen bee, kill her, and the rest die. I use the shockwave and jump, allowing it to carry it along with me.

'MADA MADA! (Not yet!)" I sheath my sword, posed in a flying quick draw stance. I take a huge breath for the next strike,

"Hiten Mugen Zan (Flying Heaven Infinite Slash)!" I draw Oboro in a low arcing slash, creating a vacuum due to it's speed. The blade touches an Invisible field, DAMMIT! Atleast let's give her a good scare. The force of the blade connects with the field, blowing her back a couple hundred meters. The crowd of minions swarm her, driven to protect her, giving me some time to think, and ask some much needed questions. RD, Gilda, and AJ still fighting, while Pinkie and Twilight are still behind but catching up, Fluttershy hiding behind Princess Celestia and Luna, while Shining Armor and the Guards are wading through the bunch.

"Princess, what are we dealing with here." I slash a couple minions from the side flank and hop back to Princess Celestia's side.

"Queen Chryssalis, a Changeling Queen who came to canterlot a while back, trying to take over Equestria," Reoccuring threat, but what about the Changeling part? I think about it as I barrel through the swarm, there's a lot of them, but their numbers are limited and their weak, it just takes a matter of what the... I could've sworn I just saw one of them turn into Rainbow Dash. It clicked inside my head, they win by deception. I do a broad swing that takes out those around me. Then they start to surround me and Change into me. This just got a whole lot more interesting.

"You look like me... but can you still fight like me?" I go into quickdraw stance, the other clones do the same, by with no weapons. I decide to release my grip on Oboro. Instead, Iet's have a little fun with this. I inhale to cast a spell.

"Kage BUSHIN no Jutsu (Shadow Clone Jutsu)!" about 20 of my clones appear in a circular formation around me, Perfect. The changelings are caught of guard, unlike them, my clones come with a weaker copy of Oboro. Now something of my own making,

"Maboroshi no Tsubasa Ryu (Phantom Blade Style), Rippuru Shougai (Ripple Disturbance)!" I charge forward, utilizing a full speed dash  to a light arc slash, generating an airshockwave that travels throughout the swarm, causing one crowd to knock into the other crowd with a heavy amount of force, clearing the standing swarm in a matter of seconds. More came to take the fallen's place. This time, they tried disguising themselves as the other ponies. Changelings obviously don't research much do they...? I close my eyes and rely on scent, surprisingly very acute. I smell Gilda, the Royal family, and the mane... 5?!

Where's Fluttershy?...

It's gonna rain.. [16]

Heaven's on the other side of Hell

Night time, Canterlot Palace Gardens

"FLUTTERSHY!!!"

I search desperately to find anything, slashing away at the grunts. then I detect a faint pulse among a crowd west of my position. NO! I open my eyes and run through the grunts to get to the crowd.

"KANOJI YOKARA ERU!!! (Get away from her!)" my vision started turning red. I snatched Fluttershy off the ground and put her over my shoulder, I positioned myself low as I was surrounded, my head started pulsing. I grabbed Oboro in my left hand now, Pointing it forward. The sky turned dark, but no stars appeared. The next track plays on the shuffle... I start to feel the blood going down my face... I tightly clench Oboro, the blade singing in the night air...

"Watashi no nikushi mito shinu no hono-o wo shite IRU! (Know the flames of my hatred, and DIE!)" I dash through the crowd in a flash, leaving behind a wake of bodies and green blood. It starts to rain... just like that night.

I drew Oboro again... The blade felt cold, yet with a sympathetic vice to it's blade. By instinct I took a deep breath and held it...

'Maboroshi no Tsurugi Ryu (Phantom Blade Style), Hourou no Shi (A wandering death)!" I whispered the last part, I knew it was enough, I walked past the grunts, their bodies cut to ribbons if they tried to attack. Queen Chryssalis looked in horror. The rain brewed into a storm as the battle raged on. As I walked past Gilda, RD, and AJ, they froze along with the Changelings around them, knowing as if by instinct not to move or disaster would follow. RD saw Fluttershy over my shoulder and tears started to form on her lower eyelids. All the Changelings stopped as I walked past, sensing my intent. I stopped in front of the Hive where Chryssalis was protected.

"Silly wolf, do you honestly thing you can de-"

"Hakuritsume (Peeling Claws)..." I waved Oboro once, the Hive started to peel back inch by inch as an invisible force ripped off layer by layer to the Queen, as I caught a glimpse of her the hive started to pack on more and more layers. The storm had reached full brew, I raised Oboro Muramasa to the sky, the blade screeching in my hand.

"Ten no koe no seigi no ikari (Wrath of Heaven's Cry of Justice)... Kirin!" Lightning struck the Blade, electrically swirling around Oboro like a dragon.

"Shinu (Die...)" I stabbed forward, The lightning jumping off the Rune like an arrow straight through the Hive, disrupting it and exposing the Queen, the lightning tearing off her wing. The rest of the Hive dissassembled and fell to the ground, I walked up to the cowering queen.

"I believe I just did," I moved the blade so that the tip touched her muzzle, "You'd be surprised by what rage causes one to do." I wanted to tear her limb from limb just then, stab her with her own horn, tear the other wing off or peel her skin off slice by slice.

"Please... let me go, I-I'll go away, never to return..." ... I wasn't buying it for a second. I lowered my sword for a second, she was humiliated... I turned around and started to walk away... she went into fetal position, the most I did was this,

"You boldly send your minions who would gladly die for you on the field of battle into the thick while you hide away, tucked behind barriers, you've never done battle yourself, have you? Now when faced with the actual reality of death, become a scared sad piece of crap. But you don't ever reflect on what our actions cause do you..." I suddenly realize my voice sounded cold, each word an Icicle to hear... she snapped. I heard her mutter something under her breath,

"...how dare you say that to your future queen..." she didn't get my message.

"Kodoku na Shougai (Lonely Disturbance)." I didn't need to slow time for this one. I crouched into Quick draw stance, dashing toward Chryssalis, to appear behind her and cut her in half, being careful not to cause Fluttershy to fall off.

"KAaaaaAahaAhhhh." her body disintegrated into black ang green ash. The entire swarm melted into the shadows, the nightmare finally over... I still feel the stares of everyone else... I sheath my sword, my hand slips, and I fall into exhaustion...

One random act of kindness [17]

One Random Act of Kindness

Canterlot General Hospital

I slowly wake up to find everypony hovering over my bed, I slowly replay the events of the battle back in my mind...

"Where's Fluttershy?!" I sit up quickly and look around to see Fluttershy sitting in the bed next to me, slightly grinning with bandages all over her face. I feel my entire body ache as I wince and fall back into bed, everyone's alright.

"So... what exactly happened when I was out of it..." Princess Celestia broke through the mass of visitors.

"After Queen Chryssalis well... kicked the bucket," wow, making a pony pun about death, "You just fell down unconscious, I had the guards bring you both to the hospital, the rest of the Changelings simply vanished, like they ran away into the shadows, Fluttershy had some minor injuries, but was knocked unconsious from an attack from behind. You however used so much magic that when your body caught up to your level of fatigue, you immediately passed out due to the strain on your body," That explains it.

"On behalf of all of Equestria, I, Princess Celestia thank you."

"And me too," Luna chimed in.

"And us too!" Pinkie Pie popped in out of nowhere.

"Thanks for looking after me and Fluttershy, I'm just glad everything went well, then I remembered my letter, "Oh yeah! I almost forgot, I bet you two have almost nothing in common with each other." They looked at me with confused faces, then giggled. Then Princess Celestia remembered my previous letter.

"Now as for your question of How many people have hugged Luna, there was ----" Luna put her hooves over her sisters muzzle while she kept talking,

"NOBODY NEEDS TO KNOW THAT!" Everyone started to laugh. I relaxed in my bed and dose off.

I wake up later to find Fluttershy singing, the birds gathering at the window, I get up from the bed and slowly walk to the window to open it. It hurts to walk though. I stumble back into bed as birds and butterflies rush into the room, adding some color to the drab hospital room...

"Are you alright... you had me worried there." Fluttershy smiled and looked at me, the same look that all kind creatures had, one cannot help but to smile back. I looked at my clothes, same as before, apparently they thought it was safe to leave me in my regular clothes, at least they cleaned them.

"I wonder how long we're in here for?" She started to stare at me, prompting my to pull up a nearby mirro.,My face was normal, but the blood dried on my face, streaking my fur in two likes along the length of my face. I asked the nurse for a washcloth and and waterbowl and wiped my face clean. I decided to leave my face to air dry, strangely enough the hospital seemed to be in spring, a cool breeze coming in from the open window. My body was still aching from the fatigue.

"Back to what I was asking, do you have any idea how long we're going to be in here Fluttershy?"

"Oh... I don't really know...but I'm glad I'm in here with you..." OH JUST KILL ME NOW!

"Do they hurt, your injuries?" I nudged my muzzle toward the bandages.

"No, not really, but the doctor said I shouldn't be moving so much."

"Me neither..." I reclined back into my bed, then Discord appeared.

"Didn't think I'd see you like this..." He went over to the window.

"Never really liked Chryssalis, always obssessed with ruling Equestria, nothing more, I even followed her for sometime, she was just plotting and scheming, always about revenge. Then, when it came right down to it, she just got her big black plot handed right back to her, by you no less, no plan, just winging it. The big shocker was if... Fluttershy didn't get hurt, you still would've won, probably even used that stick from this morning on the changelings. But apparently, there's more to your memory than I thought. By now, these memories come back of their own accord, but It's always your choice whether to block them again or not. As your friend, I can talk to you about these things, or make them go away, or even let them be for you to sort it out, whatever you think is best. Personally, the memories you keep blocking are holding back a reservoir of hatred and violence, but then again once the episode's over, you learn why you care, why you do what you do, why you are who you are. Apparently my mental dam can only vent so much. Just what have you blocked along the years? I'll get back to you on that," He walked towards Fluttershy, "You know, when I played my game with the mane 6, she was the only one who accepted who she was and was proud of it. I could find no opening, no loop, no weakness, she was simply TOO nice to let what I say change her opinion, so I finally had it and Hypnotized her outwright. She really is a good friend..." he started to lean back on the edge of her bed. Fluttershy dozed off, and Discord started to stroke Fluttershy's mane... "So why did you trust me anyway? I could have zapped you to oblivion if I wanted to, but you just went with it like it was nothing. Why?" I chose my next words carefully, so that I wouldn't freak Fluttershy out, I swear, she has super hearing sometimes.

"Until now, I didn't have anything to live for... no friends no family, no one to make proud or share any events with, I shut myself off from the world. I thought I had nothing to go for back there... Now, I have something to live for, something of actual substance... my friends..." Fluttershy stirred in her bed, as if acknowledging what I said.

"... I guess you and I have more in common than we realized..."

"... I'm still going to have to wait until I get to talk to Princess Celestia though..." The moon rose as I started to fall asleep.

Day 14, Canterlot General Hospital

I wake up to Fluttershy flying over my bed, her face right next to mine.

"WHOA!" she screamed in response, which was by far THE most quiet scream I've ever encountered. She fell on the floor after her wings locked up. After 3 more seconds of screaming, we calmed down.

"I'm sorry... should not have scared you like that," she slowly got back up again.

"Oh no it's... you didn't wake up for 3 days, I was wondering if you were alright."

"Wait, what?"

"You slept there for 3 days... are you okay?" I look next to me to find a glass of water, I down it in one gulp. *sigh*, that hits the spot.

"Yeah... I'm fine now..." It looks like the sleep seems to have helped me recover, I start to get up without aching... except for my legs, I trip and faceplant.

"Maybe a few more days in the hospital will help."

3 minutes later...

Back in my bed, I pinch the bridge of my nose out of boredom. At least we have company from the local wildlife, but the only one who can actually talk to them is Fluttershy.

"So how do you even talk to the the other wild life, Is it like another language or something?"

"No, I just listen to what they have to say..." 'Listen what they have to say...'

"How are your injuries?"

"Oh.. I don't know... they feel fine... I mean... I don't really feel them..."

"Me, I guess I'm just a little tired..." I guess I'm back to my old fluffy self since Fluttershy goes up to my bed and hugs me.

"Oh you poor little thing..." 'I'm 4 feet taller than you...' she hugs me a little tighter, 'but I don't mind...' I hug back.

"You know, I used to have a blanket, back in Skyrim, everytime my mom went to work, I would always snuggle up with it in bed... It was soft and fluffy, just like your hugs..." Fluttershy blushed...

"Strangely enough, you glomp with a vice grip!" She continued to blush, now out of embarassement, "Seriously, I think I almost flatlined a couple of times," I chuckle to lighten the mood. The rest of the day Fluttershy and I rest in bed as the birds sing. I ask the nurse to bring a piano in later, seeing that I was almost due for release, she allowed it. I sent a letter during the day asking for Luna to leave out most of the stars for the night, leaving only the moon. I walked up to the piano and sat down, the moon starting to rise, Fluttershy sitting up in her bed, wondering what I was about to play. The night was perfect, and I started to play...

The touch of the piano was light, I had a clear view of the moon, an a light cloud cover swept by across the sky. The tune was short, but sweet and mellow, it was one that I played many times in my head as I gazed at the moon. It gave me peace, enough to forget the troubles of the world, and be whisked away off to the domain of the sky. As I played the last of the notes of the song, I couldn't help but notice Fluttershy as well as myself shedding silent tears...

Just a bad Nightmare [17x]

Just a Bad Nightmare

Midnight, Royal Canterlot Palace

Luna gazed at the Moon, what seemed like to her like an Alcatraz soon turned into a Panacea for stress, such was the magic of a Beautiful night sky. She had gotten a letter from Aoi earlier today for a request for a certain night arrangement, one that brought back fond yet lonely memories. Celestia walked up towards her sister on the balcony, wondering whaat was on her sister's mind. Luna, sensing the Question answered,

"I wonder who he is?" Celestia was confused, "Aoi I mean, we know almost nothing about him except through his letters. We've taken almost no steps whatsoever to get to know him... something we must rectify this night... but... there's also something else..."

"What is it Luna?"

"Before my banishment, I raised the moon every single night, but nopony ever notices, that's what drove me to resentment, because I felt like you got all the attention from our subjects and I just stood in the background. After my return, other ponies still seldom appreciate what I do, but I don't mind. Now, Aoi comes along, one we've never known or seen in our dominion, yet thrice has made me feel my night had purpose. Once at the dragon's funeral, once again after the ball, and once more tonight. I mean, look at this letter he sent," Luna showed the letter to her sister:

======

Dear Princess Luna,

It would mean a lot if you could ask some of the stars to take the night off, just leaving the moon. If it seems too much, then forget about it, but could you try? I was hoping to see the nights I remembered from Skyrim, staring out into the navy blue night and gaze at the moon. Thanks.

From one who serenades the moon,

Aoi

======

"A night that remind's him of his homeland... Skyrim?"

"I've never heard of that place before, must be outside Equestrian borders."

"Even so, reading this request brings back a long since memory I once forgot." Luna looks back at the moon and recalls her tale, "Remember when we were just fillies, and mom used to raise the sun and moon every night and day?" Celestia simply nodded.

"Remember the story she used to tell with it? 'The sun and moon loved each other very much, so they decided to prove their love by staying apart, but they loved each other so much that they started to chase each other across the sky, knowing they would never catch the other. But ever hundred years, the moon catches up to the sun, and they both hug in a spectacular event called an eclipse.' When i remember that story, all I could think of was how we just fought, and I ended up being banished, with the thought that my own sister was the one who did it..." Luna started to cry, "I stared at Equestria from the moon, every single night and day, hoping to finally come back, but after a thousand years, the first thing I did was shut out the day again. This time 6 ponies finally made me remember that we're sisters, we're suppose to have an unbreakable bond. I learned how small things can end up causing a disaster, from a little jealousy, to resentment, to a tantrum, then to a complete overthrow... I never meant for any of it to happen, but it did." Celestia comforted her sorrowed sister by placing her under her wing.

"Luna, you weren't you at the time, something took advantage of your feelings and made you into a monster, that doesn't mean you are one." Luna wiped away her tears and looked up at her big sister. She always knew just what to say, even though sometimes she leaves out important details at times.

"Thanks..." Luna sighed and looked back at the Moon, "But what about Aoi... there's something still troubling me..."

"Well, the fact that he renovated the statue of Discord was kind of a surprise," Celestia giggled.

"I'm not talking about that... It's... I feel there's an unknown purpose to why he's here... and why we keep running into him... He slays a dragon, gives it a funeral, only wanting stuff from the supply store and a few bits, and no recognition whatsoever, he helps us fight Chryssalis and still doesn't ask for anything in return, just this... what goes on behind those enigmatic actions of his..."

"Oh, um, about the bits... I may have given just a tad bit more than he asked..." Celestia goes over the accounts of the Royal Treasury.

"How so?" Luna was getting suspicious.

"I might have given him a lump sum of 95,000 bits." Luna started to laugh...

"PFFFTAHAHAHAHAHAHH!!! You gave him THAT MUCH? What, pray tell, did he do with it all?"

"Well, If I remember this correstly, He used it to purchase a house in Ponyville, and that giant balloon, other than that, I'm not sure..." Celestia smirked remembering the Water Balloon explosion at the ball.

"At least we know he has an eye for pranks..." Luna remembered her sister's reaction at the party, the first time Celestia's mane was completely flat. Then her face turned somber again...

"...but during the battle, something happened, it's like his heart went cold... I saw him... he tore through the changelings and didn't even look back... There was even one point where it seemed he killed if anything got near him, even the element bearers and other changeling stopped fighting to let him pass... the magic he used was unlike anything I've ever seen, magic used for the sole purpose to destroy... I worry for him... maybe he's seen things you and I couldn't even fathom... I almost felt the rage eminating from him, but also sadness... a loss even... You must have seen what he did to Chryssalis."

"I did... even through his rage, he refused to kill Chryssalis, so there must have been some control... but I could not hear what made him turn on his amnesty... I'll have to ask him during my audience with him later in the month, for now, I need to rest. This battle has made us all weary..." Celestia walked back inside to rest... Luna looked back at the moon...

"It's beautiful isn't it..." Luna was taken by surprise as she looked up and saw Aoi sitting on the balcony roof. He hops down onto the balcony and rests his arms on the railing.

"I wanted to thank you personally... It's not every night I get to see a sky like my homeland..." He looked at Luna with solemn eyes.

"Shouldn't you be in the Hospital? How'd you get here?" Aoi shifted his position and leaned on the railing with his elbows on the railing, motioning silence by putting a finger over his lips.

"One, yes I probably should, my legs still ache a bit, two, I jumped," He flicked his thumb over in the direction fo Canterlot General Hospital, "Now I get to ask two questions, one, why isn't it snowing here, or even cold? I don't really have a second question..."

"Well, Celestia and I climate control the weather in Canterlot, it's almost always 71 degrees,"

"Almost?"

"Sometimes we let it drop down to the low 30's to let it snow, most of the time it's kept normal. Now for my next questions..." She approached the railing and crossed her front legs on them, "One, why exactly did you come here? Two, during the battle, why did you... kill Chryssalis?"

"Well, the first one is a long story, so that answers reserved to whenever I'm not going to be chased by orderlies. The second..." he pushed his arms of the balcony and sat in a nearby chair.

"She hurt Fluttershy... it brought back a memory of mine that I'd rather not talk about... seeing Fluttershy on the ground... made me mad... To be honest, I wanted to rip her wings off and shove them down her throat... but I didn't... I spared her life... as I was walking away she still thought she could win and tried to attack me... that's when I killed her."

"So it was a memory... we both have memories we'd rather not talk about..." Luna looked away as Aoi glanced back at her, then sighed ans tlted his head back.

"I'd better get back before the orderlies know I'm missing," he started to run toward the railing...

"WAIT! Just one more quick question... why did you want me to make the night just like this..." Aoi looked her in the eyes with a sad but sincere look in his eyes, He stood on the railing with his back turned away from the balcony.

"So I could play a song..." he fell backwards off the castle balcony, Luna gasped as she tried to stop him. She looked over the balcony to see him land on a tower and jump across the towers back to the hospital...

"... Sincerely, Luna..." She said softly, remembering the letters he sent...

==Luna, 6 years old==

"C'mon Celly, Let's go to the Everfree forest!"

"Luna, the Everfree forest is a dangerous place, mom told us never to go there."

"Pfft, I'm not scared of nothin'."

"That's 'not scared of anything'... and besides you're too young to travel all the way to the Everyfree forest..."

"Thats what you always say... I'm too young this... I'm too young that..."

"I'm only saying this because I don't want you to get hurt..."

"Who says I'll get hurt..."

-Everfree forest-

Later that day I decided to go to the Everfree forest alone, I thought it would be fun to go there... but it wasn't... it was dark and creepy... with mysterious sounds that I've never heard before, of creatures I've never seen before... I started getting homesick and scared.

"Celly? I wanna go home now..." No answer. I heard the snap of a twig and I looked behind to see if it was Celestia, instead it was a manticore, I never saw one before, it was big large, and looked like it would swallow me in one gulp... I ran as fast as I could... I didn't know how to fly back then, but I wish I did... I kept running, deeper and deeper, the manticore gaining up on me... then it cornered me to a cliff... I was scared out of my mind. Right when it pounced, Celestia saved me, swooped right in and picked my up off the cliff. She really was doing it for my own good, I was just too foolish and proud to listen... Later that night I apologized and cried in my sister's wing... she wasn't mad, just relieved I was back home safe...

==Present==

It was the same as when she banished me, I lost control over the power I had, the resentment and jealousy that made me do all those things... she banished me for my own good... but not once was she happy about what she did... and it was the same as back then, she was just glad and relieved that I was back...

I wonder if Aoi had anyone like that to care for him...

FREEEEDOM!!!! Oh fight's over... [18]

FREEEEDOM!!!! Oh, fights over...

Day 15, Canterlot General Hospital

"Alright, Looks like you're both cleared for release," the doctor looked over our charts.

"FINALLY!" I raised my arms up in a win pose.

"YAY!" Voice was enthusiastic, just not the volume.

"Just one more thing, you still have to leave the hospital in a wheelchair, standard protocol." 'Well shit!' I dropped my arms back down into the bed.

After we left the Hospital I immediately sprang out of the chair. I did a couple of stretches and popped all my joints. Man that felt good. Fluttershy started to move her wings a bit, then shook off the bandages.

When we got back to Ponyville Pinkie threw a 'Welcome Back' Celebration. I seriously think she has nothing better to do than plan parties, that or she's secretly on a caffeine only diet. We ate, we snowball fought, we tobogganed, we danced, we kissed, we shmoozed, we went home happy, and then dropped like bricks back into bed. I've never had so much cake in my entire life, except that one time in Barcelona, when I just happened to be the replacement judge for the Annual Delicatassen World Cake show.

I rolled over to stare at the ceiling, with Discord laying down on the floor next to me.

"Well, that was a nice icing on the cake..." I started to feel the cake come back up, then heavily swallowed.

"Dammit, man, please let's not talk about the cake."

"Well what else do we talk about?"

"I've been thinking what I should do tomorrow to kill some time, I don't really have a job, and the rest are all taken..."

"I'd say you're gonna be pretty occupied tomorrow," I started to get suspicious.

"Why so?"

"Heads up, there's a spore cloud of jibjab coming in from the north, Two options here, leave your window open, or keep it closed." I'm scared with either option...

"Jibjab?"

"You'll see,"He dissappeared right then... then it hits me...

'Did I just get trolled?' Nothing to do now but go to sleep... Hmm, maybe I'll leave the window open... I open the window a couple of centimeters then go to sleep

Day 16, Ponyville

I wake up with snow all over the place, 'Two options... at least I'll be heavily supplied if someone decided to have an indoor snowball fight. Morning routine, breakfast, rice with an omelet, not too well done. Then bust through the door to say good morning at the top of my lungs.

"KAPURURURU (GOOOD MORNING), NANI (WHAT THE-)?" 'SON OF A BITCH!!!' I'm speaking in POROROCAN! I look around and see everything awry. I immediately head to the library... the door opens to reveal Twilight with a note,

"Speaking Gibberish?" I shake my head yes. The door closes behind me and I see every single book on the floor open.

"I-Ikopi! I I-Ikopi! I-Ikopiiiiiiiiii! (It's... It's... IT'S!...)"

"Appopo, apopoopoapoapo! (I know, I've searched Everywhere for a clue!)"

"Koroko, Kookokkokokokko! (Wait, I can Understand you!)"

"Lulurrulurulululurruluru. (You're right... this is strange...)" Someone knocks on the door.

"Poporin Pororoporinrinrin! (Oh my gawd, if it's Commodore Perry...)"

"Horoi? (Who?)"

"Nini, norinininini... (Nothing, I'll get it.)" I open the door to find the rest of the mane 6.

"Kurupu UPURRIIII! (Thinking TIME!!!)" I raise my finger into the air.

"Uiutupiri? (What's going on?)" I couldn't just let this go by.

"Kikookororo, korokintokikororo KERORO!!! (Commodore Perry has come, there's a new threat to Equestria, ALIENS HAVE COME!!!)" Everyone starts panicking...

"Zuchozucho... (Just kidding)" Trolololz. Everyone starts looking at me funny.

"Howbydowbydowry (Well how in tarnations did everyone get like this?)" Just then somepony bursts through the door.

"Yoyototoyo (I can answer that!)" It was Daring Do, explorer, tombraider, and Indiana Jones Ripoff. Rainbow Dash gasped and her eyes widened.

"DARINRIN! (DARING DO!)" I facepawed.

"Pasarasasaranarasanassau (What we've just encountered is a rare spore found only from the Northern forests)"

Daring continued to Explain,

"Karukakuarakaru... jabawaky (It's called... JibJab)" Everyone was still confused except for me, but to keep up appearances, I overly reacted,

"Makumaku... (My GAWD!)"

"Lorijijirijiri. (It blew in from the north last night...)" Daring Do pointed upwards for emphasis, Rainbow Dash was hanging onto every word.

"Warewarewaden? (How do we cure it?)" I asked.

"Luluru... (Well...) Upusupurusupusu... (for an Instant cure, I would need...) kupusuru... (Dragon spit...)" I dropped down and lay there on the floor. I'd rather live with speaking gibberish... but then again... maybe it's not so bad... maybe dragon spits just like honey, and that's BEE vomit...

"Jiko, obururtataru... (So, fragon spit...)" Spike turned around and started to go back up the stairs, but twilight grabbed him by the shoulders. I heard her whisper to Spike...

"Poponopono Popuroipopuro? (Of all the times when a cure isn't a plant, It's your spit?)" I forgot Spike was a dragon... Looks like I'll be speaking normally in no time... that is, until I smelled Spikes breath.

"ICHIRO! (SONNOVABITCH!)" I sat up with my paws covering my nostrils. The nicest way I could describe it was If I'd eaten rotten garbage, then soaked the resulting manure in wet dog perfume. Okay, maybe not the nicest way, but the nicest ACCURATE way, saying that it stunk would be a grave understatement. I headed to the nearest window and threw up. I fell backwards onto the floor. NO DAMN WAY IN HELL I'D BE DRINKING DRAGON SPIT!

"Luruku, kuirupi upi... (C'mon, there's no way it'd smell that...)" Rainbow Dash took a whiff of Spike's breath, her cheeks instantly inflated, and she hurled out the window I was just at not 15 seconds ago, and joined me on the floor.

"Apurapirapiirarapiarapu... (I came here because I needed the help of all 8 of you..." Rainbow Dash made a Full Recovery and sprinted to the spot next to Daring, "Nokinokonkonokinokinokirin (We need to get an Herb so that a dragon's breath smells remotely drinkable, but it only appears in a dragon's cave.)" Speaking gibberish for life is sounding like better Idea by the minute. Suddenly I'm grabbed off the ground and dragged out the door by Rainbow Dash. 'DAMMIT, She's strong...'

"Piriporopiripora? (Why's she dragging him?)" Daring asked Pinkie.

"cv ioaonrnopcivnoansouduvnoua ^^*a (Oh he killed a dragon before)" OMG, Pinkie sounds like an Obscene Telephone!

"Karakikankan!!! (Help! I'm being kidnapped by a rainbow tailed fanmare!)" Daring Laughed. It was unanimous, We were going to go into a Dragon's lair, take an herb, escape with that dragon herb, and do it all without waking the Dragon up, if worse comes to worse, I was the last stand guy. GREAT!

Noon, Somewhere between the Everyfree forest and Froggy Bottom Bog

'Metal Gear Solid Mode Activate, BOOP!' Everyone started to crowd around the base of the cave,

"Chochorin? (So who's first?)" I made the mistake of asking.

"Padapadpapdpadppapaa.. (We're going in together.)"  Daring Do motioned everyone to follow her. Fluttershy huddled close to me. I went from a glomp missile target to dragon baracade, great. The Cave became darker as we walked in, but then suddenly started to shimmer. I looked closely to see the cave walls embedded with hundreds of gemsones and crystals.  Spike started to drool, no wonder a dragon lives here. Then we saw the dragon itself, and the herb below it's chin, SHIT! The dragon itseld had bull horns with black scales, OKAY let's grab that shit and get the hell out of here. I started creeping up to the dragon, motioning the others to stand still, their hooves make noise, my paws don't. LOLZ for showing off. Now to make the moment even more intense, I pop in my head phones and listem to the most suspense inducing spy theme you will ever hear in your life, that and Metal Gear Solid.

I slowly dig around the herb with my hands, trying to preserve the entire plant, then start digging a small ditch right next to the plant  to move it without touching the dragon's chin... easy easy... easy... The dragon starts moving, I pause, frozen with fear... It stops again... I slowly drag the plant out from under the chin, turn around, and try to walk back to the group... Ahem... walking back to the group... their not getting any closer... I turn around to see my tail under the claw of the dragon, with the dragon staring right at me. I could've sworn I heard the MGS gameover music play in the background when I say that dragon.

"Chochompa (Easy there...)" It started to roar in my face.

"FUFURU! (FUCK THIS SHIT!)" I pull out a portal gun from hammerspace and shoot the ground where my tail was and the ceiling of the cave. OH SHIT! I fall through and land on the dragon.

"DAGOBA, GOBABA!!! (Dragon rider, BITCHES!)" Everypony facehooves. The dragon tries to buck me off by smashing it's head into the wall, I'm on it's neck... FACEPAW!

"URORO! (RUN!)" The dragon realizes and starts chasing after the others, "NOKO, OKO! (NOT YOU, ASS HOLE!)" I think it heard me, because It flung me off into the direction of the others, I shot a portal behind it and another where I was going to land. Yep...

'MAN CANNON MOTHAFAHKAAAA!!!!' The momentum shot me forward ahead of the others out of the cave, while still holding onto the plant.

General rule of the Cartoon Universe: Important Items, WHILE HELD, are impervious to the effects of momentum, no matter how delicate they are.

But another thing was going through my mind at the time...

Questions to Be Answered before I die: HOW THE FUCK CAN A PORTAL GUN EXIST IN EQUESTRIA?

*Aoi Processing cycle*

Luna got sent to the moon by Celestia, the moon is a portal surface, ergo... ah fuck I lost my train of thought. RUN LIKE A BOSS!

Back at Sugar Cube Corner, we were all surrounding the plant on the table, Staring at it like something was going to happen.

"KLAJSAJKAFBU? (So what do we do with it?)" Pinkie Pie sounds like she was talking with her mouth full of feathers. I waved a finger towards a pot, suggesting we stew it while Spike drools into the pot. I heard no objections. Being chased by a dragon really takes it out of you, Rainbow Dash was Facetabling...

After a bit we finally got the stew ready, much to the disdain to the fact that in order foreveryone to be normal again, we had to drink the stuff.

"Lolo, Lorolorruru (Well, *I made a grimace* down the hatch)" Surprisingly enough it tasted DECENT, Actually tasted more like honey.

After everyone was finished drinking we finally had one more thing to deal with... How the hell are we suppose to convice at the very least 100 ponies to drink dragon spit...

THIS IS SPA... oh wait...[19]

THIS IS SPA... oh wait...

Day 17, Ponyville

Last night we finally convinced the town to  drink, well not necessarily drink the anti - gibber- like -a -complete Pororocan serum-stew-thing... now as for how we did it.

==Last Night==

"Epic Sugar Time reading cook S*Squee*T, we bout to take friendship to a whole new LEVEL! What you know about bananas, BE-YETCH!" We gathered a huge crowd rather quickly with our outdoor bakery, most of them wondering how we were talking normally. I turned up the speakers and played the EMT theme on 11. Rainbow Dash put on a pair of shades.

"I got mah home bronies here, Rainbows Glasses (Rainbow dash), SCC Russia (Pinkie Pie with one of those Russian Fluffy hats), and PrincessAtari (Daring Do with spiky mane)." I take out 10 bottles of AppleJack Daniels, "We about to get drunk on all this liquor." Rarity uses special Effect magic to make a title appear over our heads.

Super Kuroyanagi Pie

(I have no idea how tuna fits in to this...)

"We Ain't no regular cooking show, we don't even have a channel! So we use whatever we WANT!" I start lining the bottom of the Pie Plate, which is rather large considering it covers half the kitchen counter.

"Hay Bacon strips!"

"Hay Bacon strips!"

"Hay Bacon strips!"

"Hay Bacon strips!"

"Hay Bacon strips!"

HayBaconStrips

Friendship Counter: 900

"AppleJack DAGNELS!" I start breaking bottles into the mixing bowl, "SUGAR, WATER (This is where we sneak in the stew, it's colorless so it works), FLOUR, DONE! IT'S a F*Squee*ing batter! Now the EGGS! WHAT UP EGGBEATAH!!!" I had to do it just once before I die. I point over to Vinyl Scratch.

"Let's SPIN this S*Squee*t!" We headbang to dubstep for the next ten minutes.

"More Hay bacon strips and More AppleJack Daniels!" I dump the stuff into the mixing bowl, "F*Squee*in SMART!" Rainbows Glasses downs an Entire Bottle of AppleJack Daniels. She breaks the emptybottle on the counter.

HayBaconStrips and AppleJackDanells

FriendShip Counter: 1337

"ARRR! how am I gonna pay for all this?" That's my cue.

"You want random, WE GOT RANDOM! www.wolfflix.com/haybaconstrips, you get 1 month free access to all the F*squee*in random sauce videos you want, and SCC Russia get's cupcake money." SCC Russia breaks the fourth wall and grabs the monitor.

"DON'T YOU F*Squee*k THIS UP FOR ME! I NEED MY CUPCAKE MONEY!" *clap*...*clap*...*clap*... Bravo Pinkie.

"Let's CRUST THIS BITCH!" I staple the edges of the pieplate with the crust, "Pop it in the oven, turn the dial up make toast!" I here a cowbell riff play me off, must not let opportunity pass!

"YEAH TOAST!!!" I scream it at the top of my lungs, "UNH TOAST!"

I hear the eggtimer go off.

"Ding, IT'S A F*Squee*in Pie!" I take out some Whip cream, "Let's spread some delicious on this Bi-otch!"

Den a Whip CREEAMS

Friendship counter: 9001

"What's whip cream without some Muthabuckin CHERRIES!" I tap Rainbows Glasses and She dumps a bucket of cherries onto the pie. The crowd's going wild by now.

$#!+ Loada Cherries

Friendship Counter: 5K337

"We took friendship, AND MADE IT INTO A MUTHAFUZZIN PIE!

"But what flavour is it?" Pinkie asked.

"PIE FLAVOUR!" Someone struck a random guitar riff, "WHO'S HUNGRY NOW!" The entire town dove into the pie, the night air now filled with the glorious repetition of Om-Nom-Nom! Nyan Cat must be barrel rolling in space right now. My jaw drops to the floor As I see a cat flying across the sky,rainbows trailing behind it, and it's body a genuine Strawberry Poptart. I looked at Rarity and RD, both just saw what I just saw, I regain my composure and use my greatest Rarity impression.

"Let us never speak of this again..." They both nodded.

==Present==

"Wake Up sunshine!" Discord says in a sing-song voice.

"Good Morning Dis-" ZE FAHK!!! i faceplant the floor next to my bed. I pull a rash British voice for my next statement.

"DAHMIT DISCORD!" I think that went well, what took me by real surprise was the mane 6 sleeping around my bed. I start sweating bullets.

*Aoi processing cycle*

"WHAT IN DE FUQ!" My yell wakes up everyone, "Who, I mean whatcha, What is everyone doing here!?"

"Ooh, i know I know!" Pinkie was the first to respond, "We had a SLEEP OVER!" Twilight Immediately defied Pinkie.

"OBJECTION!" I facepawed, "I don't remember doing anything on my Sleepover check list." This could get dicy.

"OKAY! ALL SIX OF YOU ARE IN MY HOUSE AROUND MY BED AND NOW NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE COWBELL HAPPENED!" I bust my face through the wall out of frustration. Then I start to back track... Consumption of approximately 80 fluid oz. of an liquor based alcoholic beverage, I should be dead from alcohol poisoning.

*Aoi Processing cycle*

'Oh dear god in heaven...' Mane 6 IN MY House, each having drunken VAST amounts of Al KeE Hawl, can mean only one thing.

"My GOD!...We got plastered and blew the roof off of Ponyville..." Then the Moment that makes it 20% more WTF.

"I take it you're all awake now." SHIET! IT'S PRINCESS LUNA!...

2 hours after the panicking stopped.

I sit at my kitchen table, with the mane 6 and Princess Luna sitting around me, pinching my nose in a mix of confusion and frustration. Luna starts patting her apron labled 'Nothing like Moon Cooked Apple Pie'. After sitting in silence for several minutes I end the silence with a facetable.

4 minutes later.

The mane 6 and Princess Luna stand around the Locked bathroom door hearing me cry under a running shower.

10 minutes later.

I scribble frantically on a piece of parchment, but the only thing exiting onto the paper are random doodles and incoherent squiggles. I facedesk.

12 minutes later.

"DAMN! I got nothing..." everyone simultaneously blinks twice. I get up and start laying down on the ground in upside-down plank formation.

"So, What's going on, Luna, you first since you have some inkling of what's going on," Luna Puts her hoof to her chin as to recall what happened last night.

"Well as I recall."

==Last night, Canterlot Royal Palace==

"Luna's what do you want for dinner?" Celestia asked peeking into the refrigerator.

"Do we still have some of that Wonderfull MMM?"

"Nope, fresh out," she peeks her head out from over the fridge with a muzzle covered with frosting. Luna rolled her eyes. Suddenly the Door breaks downs.

"I'M FREEEEEEEEE!!!" Luna's swepted away by the onrush of Ponies and an arm flailing Aoi.

"HELP ME!!!" Luna tries to reach back to her sister, but to no avail. The rush mob smashes through the window and down the Palace walls.

"How about some eclairs?... Luna?" Celestia Peeked over the Fridge, then shrugged at her sister's abscence, "Oh well, more for me..."

==Present==

I sweep my paw over my face to calm myself down,

"How did you know about the parts you weren't there for?" Luna opened her mouth as to object but stopped when Pinkie's tail twitched.

"INCOMING!" Pinkie shouted. everyone hid under the table, but the buzzing noise outside was driving me crazy so I opened the window, right when Princess Celestia landed on the branch right next to my window.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGHHH!!!" Wow I just sounded just like PewDiePie just then.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" Princess Celestia screamed as well, Me falling backwards scooting away, While Celestia reeling back anf falling off the tree branch.

2 minutes later.

Back around the kitchen table, my paw on the bridge of my nose again, Luna picking leaves out of her sister's mane, Celestia with a dumb look on her face. I didn't feel like taking another depressed shower, so I just went out and said it,

"So, We dragged Luna out the Window, then What?" Celestia brushes the last leaf out of her mane before Luna could get it.  I heat up some milk and pour myself a quart.

"Well, That's the thing..." Celestia continued the tale, "I followed the mob to the Canterlot cliffs, right there under the moonlit night, you... Luna?" She shifted my focus to Luna.

"You said the most wonderful poetry..." HEKE?! 'NOT GOOD!', "and then you pulled out an engagement ring and well... proposed..." I Sprayed out my milk all over everyone, getting everypony wet.

"I DID WHAT!?" I stood up onto the chair... everypony shook and insta dried, Celestia's mane resulting in an Afro. Luna levitated the engagement ring in front of my distressing face. I took the ring in my hand, looking at the Engraving on the interior, 'To my dear-'

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHH!" I fell backwards onto the table, funbling over myself while trying to scurry away, I landed the wring way in the chair and knocked it over, finally ending up in a fetal position in a corner, facing away from everypony.

"THAT'S IT I'M NEVER DRINKING AGAIN!" I started rocking back and forth, then Slowly stood up, my legs shaking... "I mean, everyone was drunk, I don't even remember doing this. I mean Please UNDERSTAND this was a HUGE misunderstanding, I mean If I WAS serious," NO DAMMIT STOP THERE! "I mean Don't get me wrong you are a beautiful young mare," MAYDAY MAYDAY! "but I could never go through with this I mean, If we were to go through with it, Not that we ARE going to do this," Oh THERE GOES THE TITANIC! "I mean what kind of LIFE would we have together, I mean think of the KIDS!" 'Dude, you suck under pressure!' SHUT THE FAHK UP BRAIN! Everyponies jaw dropped to the floor except for the Princesses, with Luna Walking up to me, "I mean not that we would ever have-" Luna kissed me full on the muzzle... I calmed down for a minute...

"This changes nothing right..."

"I know," She leaned in close to me and whispered, "That was to get you to shut up..." OH THANK GAAAAAWD! I wiped my brow and sighed... I fell backwards and fainted.

to think, I was that close to getting married to one of the Princesses of Equestria, DISASTER AVERTED!!!

You! Me! Dancing! [20]

You! Me! Dancing!

Day 18, Ponyville

I lie in bed the next morning, looking up at the ceiling. The mane 6 gone back to their houses and the Princesses back in Canterlot. Everything was back to normal...

"AAAUUGH! I'M BOOOOOOOORED! Let's DO SOMETHING!"

"Well you're the expert at doing stuff." I pull out a checklist.

"Well let's see,"

"Get shot out of a cannon? Check!

Dubstep Battle? Check!

Imitation of Epic Meal Time with the mane 6? Check!

Kidnapping Royalty and getting away with it? Oh dear GOD, Check...

Get drunk off me lai-zy arse! Double Check!

Get engaged? *Cough* Check...

Facetable? Hundred Plus Check!

Drobbing the Water Nuke? Check!

Race with RD? Check!

Prevent Changeling Invasion? Check!

Steam Roller? Check!

Streak? Hlaf-Check...

Pelvic Thrust in front of a whole bunch of snooty nobles

Fix a Friendship Problem? Check!"

"So now what?"

"Go back to sleep." And it was so... After an Uneventful day, I decide to go back to sleep again. But then I get a letter from Princess Celestia just as I was about to drop into bed.

=====

Dear Aoi,

You are cordially invited to this year's Grand Galloping Gala, Enclosed are two tickets for you and a friend.

Sincerely,

Princess Celestia

P.S.: Don't worry the others got their tickets too.

=====

I look at the golden ticket, then I get an Idea in my head... hold that thought, I'm going to sleep...

I wake up feeling Refreshed. Now for the next Item on my to do list.

"Get the Entire Town Involved in a musical number about going to the Gala." I turn on my Apple Pod scroll to just the track, doing my morning routine as the intro Guitar riffs play: Brushing my fur, washing my face, shake dry, Bacon, Breakfast. Then I pop out the door and go into a sprint as the music picks up, going to every one of the mane 6's doors and knocking, each of them opening up and following me, Everypony going into full gallop as the beat speeds up.

The beats yeah, they were coming out the speakers

And were winding up straight in your sneakers *We sit down on a bench*

And I'm dancing like every song who spends his bizzle *I twirl a finger twice around my temple*

Like all my dance heroes would if they existed

And yeah it's sad that you think that we're all just scenesters *Pinkie Puts on party makeup and pops out from behind me*

And even if we were it's not the scene you're thinking of *Pinkie Pie's hair deflates*

To taking props from nineties boy band fashions *Put on a Beatle's hair wig*

All crop tops and testosterone passion *I mimic kissy faces towards the camera*

*I stand up and walk*

If there's one thing I could never confess *mane 6 start to chime in*

It's that I can't dance a single step

*We start dancing random awful Dance steps*

It's you, it's me And there's dancing *I take Fluttershy's Hooves and start swinging her around*

It's you, it's me And there's dancing *I let go and start breakdancing with RD*

Not sure if you mind if I dance with you

But I don't think right now you care about anything at all

If only there were clothes on the floor *Rarity throws clothes all over the ground*

I'd feel for certain I was bedroom dancing

And it's all flailing limbs at the front line

Every single one of us is twisted by design *I stick my tongue out to make a goofy face*

And dispatches from the back of my mind

Say as long as we're here everything is alright *the mane 6 gives me a group hug*

*I start to walk alone again*

If there's one thing I could never confess *Fluttershy and Pinkie sing the next part*

It's that I can't dance a single step *Fluttershy looks at me and smiles, I swear that smile could end war in the human world*

It's you, it's me And there's dancing * Vinyl Scratch, Octavia and I start Headbanging*

It's you, it's me And there's dancing *A whole bunch of Smiley's start doing it with us*

*During the interlude, lots of random stuff happens with the camera zooming out to capture it all, Pegasi start doing the backstrokes through the clouds, a sudden parade of 60 Derpys, I look left and right to see ballerinas twirling ribbons, and Luna galloping past me, turning around and shoopin da whoop into the air, the background falls to reveal the studio, then RD and Fluttershy start picking the background back up and Celestia drops onto that spring in front of Twilight's window, pulling a Trollestia face. Memes float across the screen from the badger to Chuck Norris roundhousing Pedobear into the stratosphere. Everyone pauses to figure out what in the world is going on, then looks at me, pauses then looks at the camera, then the camera zooms back to me and the mane 6, I sit back down on the bench.*

If there's one thing I could never confess

It's that I can't dance a single step

*Rarity sings the next part alone*

One thing I could never confess

It's that I can't dance a single step

*Then the entire town chimes in, with me saying things that are droned out by the chorus... we're stupid, but we're happy.*

It's you, it's me And there's dancing

It's you, it's me And there's dancing

It's you, it's me And there's dancing

It's you, it's me And there's dancing

*The mane 6 and I talk softly as the song slows down, a whole bunch of conversations overlapping, with me finally saying to Fluttershy on the last note

'I love you Darling,' then we all burst out laughing...*

"And that's the last thing in my checklist..." I mark a tick onto my sheet before tucking it away, "wouldn't you agree Discord?" We were down by hills looking at the clouds again.

"Once again you amaze me, how in Equestria did you do all that stuff."

"Again, I have no fuckin idea." I broke the 3rd and 4th wall, that's gotta be an achievement.

You got an Achievement - Between the 4th wall and a hard place (50G)

"So now what do we do? We've done every single thing to do."

"Not exactly, we have to get ready for the Gala," A huge grin spreads across my face,

"And YOU have to get ready for your big appearance..."

Thank you everyone who shown your support for this Fanfic, *sniffles* you all make me so proud... Many thanks goes to Chaotic Mylstrom and Neon Fracture for being with me from the beginning, and may you someday find yourselves covered in bitches and glory. With this I must make an Annoucement, This ends the first major arc of Aoi: Agent of Chaos, so there will not be any new updates until the week after next week. Mainly I'll be writing and developing my other fanfic. Cheer up guys and gals and... other, whatever, the next arc's going to begin the GGG arc. So relax, read some Blackwing or Rust, or reread the entire Downhill Ponyville arc again. If you need me, I'll be on the moon.

Non Canon Theater #1: Prof. Myoujin

Non Canon Theater #1: Prof. Myoujin

Warning, may contain Drunk Science...

I stood there, pacing around the room with a serious face, although I tried so FAHKIN hard not to laugh my ass off for what I was about to do. The Mane 6 looked looked at me with strange and curious look. Bless me Faust for I have sinned, since I am about to break the fourth wall on a massive scale. I slapped my hand on the chalkboard behind me and began.

"NOW, I presume you know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about what I am about to do, any questions so far?" Pinkie Pie raised her hand.

"What ARE we doing?"

"GENTLEMARES!" WRONG! "I WILL SHOW TO YOU and hopefully HAVE MY QUESTIONS ANSWERED ABOUT YOUR ACTIONS!"

"Huh?" the group collectively exclaimed.

"NOW, taking examples from what each of you have done over the past years, I will explain that if you had been in SKYRIM, Rarity would probably not be here, Rainbow dash would have had MASSIVE Organ failure, and Fluttershy would have a REAAALLY HUGE boo boo on her flank..." Fluttershy blushed, "My good friends, I present to you exhibit A!" I pull down a picture of Rainbow Dash taking a bath with a shower cap labeled 'RAINBOOMS BIATCH!' I immediately pull that up with a blush and see Rainbow Dash cowering behind her Desk, then peeking over while Pinkie Pie, Rarity, and Apple Jack Burst into Laughter, Pinkie shoving her hoof into her mouth momentarily.

"HOW DID YOU GET THA- *GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASP* YOU $#)@%)#$(*@@$((* (censored to retain the respect for RD)" She was screaming and waving her hoof erratically. I'm guessing by the others' surprised reactions, waving your hoof around is the equivalent of flipping the bird, since they don't have fingers.

"Ahem... that was awkward..." Rarity and Pinkie held her back from pretty much jumping over the desk to get to me. I facepawed, yeah... Rainbow Dash wants to kill me now... honestly I have no Idea where that picture came from. After Pinkie knocked RD out with an over sized hammer and tied her to the chair, I continued, "As I was saying.... Exhibit A!" I pulled down a picture of RD before the sonic rain-boom, the moment where a mach cone forms around her at the last second, you know the one...

"In Skyrim, this would ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY UNDER NO FUGGIN CIRCUMSTANCES HIGGS BOSON WHATSOEVER BE POSSIBRUH!!!" The mane six looked at me wide-eyed in confusion, or maybe that was the 'This guy is CRAZY' look, "One, I did the calculations," I rolled up the poster and showed the chalkboard with my calculations, "By the time dash accelerated to that speed, she would have hit 11.1 G's, which in all sense, would kill someone if not cause immediate blackout. Conclusion? Rainbow Dash's Biology DEFIES Physics and in all sense, BASIC ANATOMY!" yes, I just figured this out... u mad bruh? Rainbow Dash had to be gagged due to the ruckus she was making. Lesson 0 about women: NEVER talk about a women's body in a negative or neutral connotation.

"Two, WHAT CAUSES THE FAHKIN RAINBOW?!" I paced around the room, everypony simply shrugged, "After a sleepless night and about 10 of Pinkie Pie's cakes, I've narrowed it down to 3 conclusions:

1) She FARTS at SUPER HIGH VELOCITY that propels her, accelerating her such that she is able to break the sound barrier! This also implies that Rainbow Dash drinks magnums of rainbow juice." She looked just about to kill me. I had to continue for Science! Or Drunk Science for that matter.

"2) Every time she does it, there seems to be an expanding borealis effect cause by her hair, maybe caused by airborne microscopic mirrors that reflect the light?" I'm explaining an impossible phenomenon with nonsense, beautiful...

"4) wait... 3) The sound barrier is secretly made up of invisible mini rainbows, when the sound barrier is broken, the mini rainbows become visible due to the distortion, as soon as the barrier repairs itself, the rainbows become invisible again.

5) ????

6) Profit..." Yeah... I'm beginning to think I'm from the internet. Either that or I accidentally consumed the Equestrian Equivalent of shrooms. I look around the room and find everypony trying to hold Rainbow Dash back with all their might.

"Final thoughts anyone?" I looked around the room to find Pinkie Pie slamming the hammer into Rainbow Dash's head, knocking her out. By now, I'm beginning to believe comas and brain trauma are nonexistent. I scratch myself behind the ears. OHHHH Yeah... that feels good...

"Moving on... Exhibit B." I pull down the photo of Fluttershy being carried by butterflies, "Fluttershy, from what you remember from that day, how many butterflies were carrying you that day?" She started to lower her gaze and cower behind the desk, I swear, the way she acts sometimes, you just can't help but D'AAAAAWW.

"Umm, I... don't remember..." Fair enough...

"Hmm... how much do you weigh?" I brought out a small scale, I motioned for her to stand on it. Screw gentlemanly behavior, this was for science!

"Um, Okay..." She started to trot slowly onto the scale, I looked on the scale.

"... oh..." Holy SHIT! SHE WEIGHED ****** Pounds? "Nevermind, sorry for the trouble..." just act like it was ALL just a big misunderstanding... and overlook the fact that gravity could crush her at any given moment... no wonder she could be carried by butterflies...

"Anyway, moving on, Exhibit C!" I pull out a picture of Pinkie Pie wrapping her tongue around the cake, before I could continue however, Twilight Sparkle interrupted me.

"Now hang on, how did you get all these pictures," She cocked her head to the side, "Especially about the one with *ahem* Rainbow Dash..." Pinkie pie snickered.

"I nwo rite..." I pull an awesome face, "Which is the exact point I'm trying to make... and I can't remember exactly what it was because I keep on thinking about that Rainbow Dash picture... Anyway, Pinkie, can you say ahh for me?"

"Ahh..." I yank her tongue out and start running, stretching the tongue out to what seems to be like a max distance of ten meters. MY GAWD, she's a gecko! I let go of the tongue and have it slap back into Pinkie's mouth with a giant smack.

"Now, from what you can remember, what's your record for eating the most cakes in a single sitting?" Pinkie pie puts her hoof to her chin in deep thought.

"Umm... I'd say about 37." By that point, she's no longer eating, she's INHALING the cake.

"So, how do you eat all that cake without getting a stomach ache?"

"With LOTS of training." and a black hole in the place of a proper abdominal cavity. I scratch my head for a second.

"Sounds legit..." I say in a deadpanned tone. Every other pony except for Pinkie and RD facedesks.

"Twilight, if you would be so kind as to erase RD's memory of us even having this session. I don't want to wake up to her trying to kill me in my sleep." She hesitantly cast the spell, causing RD to suddenly sway and go limp.

"Thanks for coming, It's been eye opening for me... hope to see you guys again soon." I push the chalkboard away and take off my glasses. WAIT... I've been wearing GLASSES this whole time?!

'Try to apply any sense of logical comprehension to ponies about their physical impossibilities, check...'

I try to blow out the candle as I walk up the stairs to my bedroom only to have the flame flare up in the direction of my breath...

"Oh... so THAT'S where all the rum went..."

God, Save our Princess? [21]

God, Save our Princess?

Day 22, Ponyville

"DAT'S RIGHT, I'M BACK BICHKAS!" I rock out on the electric Guitar on the roof of my house, speakers cranked up to eleven. I start shouting at the top of my lungs.

"RINGO! MOGIRE! BIIMU! (APPLE! PLUCKING! BEAM!)" Fuck 8:00 am, I AM PONYVILLE'S NEW ALARM CLOCK! no... DEATHKLOK! Okay, bad pun, but still...

ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu!  *Immediately the mane 6 chime in*

yua raifu chenjisu eburishingu!

(Apple Plucking Beam! Apple Plucking Beam!)

(YOUR LIFE CHANGES EVERYTHING!)

kimi ga omou sono mama no koto utau dareka mitsukete mo

sugu ni koi ni ochite wa dame sa

"oshigoto de yatteru dake kamo yo" *How the hell'd they find the lyrics?*

If you find somebody you want to sing just what you think for

You better not fall in love with her right away.

(Probably she just does it for work, doesn't she?)

ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu!

(Apple Plucking Beam! Apple Plucking Beam!)

dakedo omoi tomerarenu nara

shinji sakebe aikotoba

tomo ni utae subete kawaru to

kaware tobe yo tobu no sa *RD executes sonic rainbow*

But if you can stop your feelings

Believe, shout THE PASSWORD!

Sing together, that everything will change

Change, fly, JUST FLY!

*Twilight looks at me*

"kawatta anata o dare ni misetai?"

naigashiro shi ni shitekita yatsu ni!

"Who do you want to show your changed self to?"

The dude who kicked me off!

saa ikou ze

zetsubou no wazuka na "kotchi gawa e"  *I point to the Everfree forest*

kitto shangurira da yo

kimi to nara aikotoba "ringo mogire biimu" *I point upwards and somehow it fires a pink lazer*

Hey, let's go!

Over the slight side of despair (Come over here!)

I swear it's Shangri-La if I'm with you

The password (Apple Plucking Beam!)

demo doko e itta tote onaji darou ka

"anata wa zutto soko ni todomatteru no?" *Pinkie looks at me with those huge anime eyes*

But isn't it the same wherever I go?

(Are you staying there forever?)

ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu! ringo mogire biimu!

yua raifu chenjisu eburishingu!

(Apple Plucking Beam! Apple Plucking Beam!)

(YOUR LIFE CHANGES EVERYTHIIIIIING!!!!)

kimi no kodoku wakatteru yo na sugoi hanashi ni deatte mo

sugu ni kami to omotcha dame sa

"manyuaru de hameteru dake kamo yo

demo soredemo suki ne? aikotoba o itte"

If you meet a story as if it understands your loneliness

You better not believe it's the god

(Probably it just entraps you with a manual, doesn't she?)

(But you still like it, don't you? Say the password)

datte omoi tomerarenu kara

shinji sakebu aikotoba  *I press the big red button*

tomo ni utau subete kawaru to

kaware tobe yo tobu no sa *Missiles launch from behind my house*

'Cause I cannot stop my feelings

I believe, I shout, THE PASSWORD!

I sing together with you, that everything will change

Change, fly, JUST FLY!

"kawatta anata o dare ni misetai?"

akarasama ni mikubitta yatsu

aitsura ni da! *The entire town hears us*

"Who do you want to show your changed self to?"

The dude who underestimated me crudely!

TO DAMN 'EM!

mukougawa e

zetsubou no wazuka na "kotchi gawa e" *Flying shark? lolwut?*

kitto paradaisu da yo

bokura nara aikotoba "ringo mogire biimu" *Giant Laser fires from my chimney...*

Over there

Over the slight side of despair (Come over here!)

I swear it's paradise, we can do it

Our password (Apple Plucking Beam!)

demo doko e itta tote onaji darou ka

"anata wa mada sagashite sae nai no yo"  *IS THAT A FLYING TRAIN!?*

kono zetsubou no yoru wa akeru no darou ka

"anata ni hitotsu oshieteageru wa" *Fluttershy whispers something in my ear*

But isn't it the same wherever I go?

(You haven't even started finding it)

Will this despair night end?

(I will tell you one thing)

'Because Fuck you, that's why!' I jump off the roof to meet Derpy Hooves face to face. Do not mention the eyes... Do not mention the eyes... Do not mention the eyes...

"Sup, BRAH!" Nailed it. She floated past me and tried to shove the letters in a closed mailbox, I open it to let her place the letters inside.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome..." She floats away carrying the next bundle of letters. I take the letters out of the mailbox and open them.

'Make your horn 30% la-' NOPE.AVI!

'Best polishing lubri-' Fuck you Nappa...

'Suffering from brainda-' WHO MAKES THESE ADS?!

I toss all the spam in the trashcan, which leaves the actual letters. I go inside and open the first one up: EHHH!?

"Discord, Drop everything, except the most important things on my to do list: get a new pair of sunglasses, and test out the limits of hammerspace." I smile wickedly.

"We're going to PEGASUS, Baby..." I start walking out the door, tossing the letter behind me, "Oh yeah, and bring the guns." He catches the letter and reads it.

======

Dear Aoi,

Help ME! I'm being held in a dredfully boring political press conference in Las Pegasus! Get your tail over here, please!

Come ASAP,

Princess Celestia

======

"Wait, What?"

*8 hours later*

"YEAH!!! WE MADE IT!!!" Okay, so the jeep caught on fire and explode, HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW THERE WAS GOING TO BE A ROADBLOCK?! Now to check and see if I've brought everything.

Apple Pod... Check, Never leave home without it

2 SMG's (UMP 45's to be exact) ... Check!

4 Shotguns ... Check

Bottle of AppleJack Daniels... Check

Gallon of Grade A Vitamin D Milk... Check

RPG-17... Check

Stinger missiles... Check

Absurdly large, Duke Nuken amount of Ammunition... Oh yah, definitely Check

Shitload of C4 that could nuke Schwartzeneiger, is that how you spell his name? IDK... HELLZ TO DA YEAH!

Oh yeah, we're ready...

"Now that we're here, do you mind telling me why we're saving Celestia from a press conference, and why you told me to bring the guns?"

"Discord, Discord, Discord. 1) I get to use a cliche yet awesome line 2)I'm going to get to use military grade weapons and explosives in less than a day's time frame 3) Imma blow half the town up, causing millions of bits in property damage 4) Look badass while doing it 5) ??? 6) Profit 7) Possibly stop an alien invasion in the near future. I think I make quite a compelling argument don't you think?" He shrugs.

"Meh, fair enough."

Simply put, Las Pegasus is HUGE, and SO MUCH LIKE VEGAS! They even got the bells, I mean buildings right, except most of the monuments are now pony themed. We start heading towards the Building where Celestia is held. It's not hard to find considering there's paparazzi all OVER the damn place.

"Okay! Plan of entry, got any ideas?" I look towards Discord.

"Climb?" He points towards the sheer building face. Crash through the crowd and attempt to scale a building yay high and bust in through the top floor window? I like it!

"'Scuse me, coming through, move paparazzi, watch it Photo Finish, No Comment, Fuck Cameras." Finally, we made it to the building, now to actually scale it. Hmm... what's a good one liner for jumping high into the air like a blooming idiot?

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

"ALLONS-Y!" Perfect... I jump into the air and make it to approximately the 30th floor. I grab the ledge exactly at the peak of my jump. Nice, 30 down, approximately... 130 more to go... SHIT! Okay, new plan, get security on my ass and hope for the best. I take out an SMG and shoot out the window, then hop up into the building, pulling out the second smg and firing off some stray rounds into the ceiling.

"Everypony, get down on the ground, NOW!" They all start hitting the deck at the sight of my waving two guns around. I spot two going for the elevator. I point my gun at them. The alarm sounds, so far so good.

"You TWO, STOP RIGHT THERE!" They pause immediately, "Get everypony down stairs to the first floor," They look at me, confused.

"Free Icecream if you can clear out the bottom floor of paparazzi." They immediately start herding the ponies down the stairs. Icecream, gets them every time. I pressed the button and entered the elevator, reloading the two smgs.

"What is it with that wierd elevator music? Smooth as fuck though..."

I take out the jug of milk and take a long, satisfying swig from it. Nothing like a cold one while riding an elevator. You know how the elevators have those mirror coatings that cause an infinite mirror view. That shit creeps me out, it doesn't help to have a spirit only you can see in there with you.

...

...

...

...

"WHAO!"

"AHHHH! SONNOVABITCH!" I fire half a clip into the other end of the elevator. Discord bursting into laughter.

"DAMMIT DISCORD! WHAT THE TITS!" Why did I just say that in a British accent?

"Oh, the look on your face was PRICELESS!" He starts rolling around on the floor. I shake my head and flip the safeties on. I take out my ApplePod, scrolling to the song I want it to play as my grand entrance, and putting on my headphones over my ears. I click the safeties off and shoot the emergency stop button as I hit the top floor. Then unload the rounds into the frame of the elevator, weakening the edges with each bullet. All the while the only one liner that could come to mind....

"BANGARANG, MUTHAFUHKAAH!"

I reload the smgs, then pull out my shot gun, pumping it once to ready it. I shove the mouth of the barrel right up to the dented divide between the doors.

"Knock Knock, MOE'SUCKRAH!" I pull the trigger, the bullet peeling open the doors before tearing them off from the perforations made by the smgs. The doors fall down, I pull out my ApplePod and hit play, then shifting the shotgun to rest over my shoulder. I'm encountered by scared cowering paparazzi and ponies that look like embassadors, and a grinning Celestia.

"CELLYYYYYYY, I'M HOOOOOOOOME!!!!" Feel free to facepalm at any time. I take a look in a nearby mirror and see myself, my appearance changed drastically. I turn my back toward the city lights and snap a picture with my camera.

"I look pretty damn sexy." I tuck the camera away and shoot a round from my boomstick at the ceiling.

"Alright, nobody move, I'm here to rescue the Princess from this press conference and there's nothing you shuttershits can do to stop me." Suddenly the security detail makes it up the stairs.

"OH SON OF A BEYETCH!" I run past the paparazzi, slamming the butt of my shotgun into one of their faces, knocking off a pair of sunglasses they were wearing, catching it on my head, and grabbing Princess Celestia around the waist.

"Oh my."

"Sorry Princess, Just doing my job... for free..." I prop the stock of the shotgun on my knee and cock the barrel three times, one to eject the shell, the second to eject a full cartridge and ready the shot. I stick the ejected cartridge into the barrel of the shotgun. Badassery, don't fail me now. I point my shotgun into the air and fire, blowing a huge whole to the roof.

"BOOM BIATCH!" EVERYTHING IS GOING ACCORDING TO MY-

"STOP RIGHT THERE, CRIMINAL SCUM!"

"Fuck you skippy...." I jump with Celestia craddled into my arms onto the roof, damn she's heavy. I let her down onto the roof.

"You keep going, I'll hold them off." She nods and runs towards the edge of the building... shit... I toss a packet of C4 down the hole and run after her, detonating it as I jump off. Both me and Celestia skydive  down to the crowd of people, me flipping on my newly aquired sunglasses. I manage to catch up with her and grab her, pulling a cord that opened a parachute labeled, 'I like trains'... Dammit Tom... A train starts crusing through the middle of town, we land on it and start running, ditching the parachute. We start running towards the head of the train, the 'Sky Cops' landing on the train right behind us.

"You'll NEVA TAKE ME ALIVE COPPAS!" I take out my smgs and load rubber bullets into them, then start firing: the bullets slamming into 5 pegasi, making them jerk backwards onto the later part of the train.

"Wait, here comes the guitar solo..." I throw back a pack of C4 in between the cracks, okay, maybe 5.

"RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN LEIK A BAWSE! RUN LIEK  BAWSE!" and yes, we are going to ride FARSA... We dive into the coal pile at the head of the train, then I flip the switch to detonate, just as the solo starts to play.

"AWW YEAH!!!" The C4 explodes, separating the train cars in an overly dramatic, explosive plume. Oh SHIT! The blast derails the train, sending it flying into the air. All I could do was pull a win pose and head bang, with Celestia holding on to me for dear life. the Train starts to land, the wheels screeching across the pavement, then finally stopping at the entrance to the city right as the solo ends. I hit the stop button on my Apple Pod and turn to Celestia.

"And that was without a single drop of rum. Which reminds me," I take out the bottle of AppleJack Daniels, "Would you care for some Princess?" She grabs the bottle and chugs it down, falling backwards into the coal pile. It feels good to be violent once in a while.

"So, how was THAT for a rescue?" I take the bottle away from her hooves and start drinking. She simply laughs.

"If this is what you do for a rescue, I can't wait to see what you do at the Gala." She smiles at me with wide eyes.

"BTW, where's Luna..." In the three seconds after that, I swear that this was the perfect moment to say;

"Drop It..." Luna Lands right infront of us and starts hugging Celestia.

"OH MY DEAR, DEAR SISTER! ARE YOU ALRIGHT? ARE YOU INJURED IN ANY WAY?" PFFT! Must resist urge to open Group Hug.exe. And I didn't even have to use the...

"ALIEN ATTACK!!!" FAHK! I stand up and watch as thousands of UFO's descend from the sky, shooting lasers and setting buildings on fire... THROW THE CHEEEEEEEEESE!!! I pull out the Stinger and lock on to the first one.

"FIRE!" I shoot the missile, only to have it explode harmlessly on it...

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

...

...

...

"I CALL HAX!" Celestia then nudges me on the shoulder, "What is it?"

"Use this." She hands me a stone mask... no, fucking, way. I flip up my sunglasses to get a better look at it, looking somewhat similar to a wolf's face with five pointed stars for eyes and decorations on the forehead. "I had a feeling this day would come, so I brought this along just in case. Put it on." ... welcome to the fourth wall, it's BEEN broken. I put on the stone mask.

"EVAPORATE!" I start feeling myself grow larger and larger, vast amounts of power accumulating in my body, and then the mask breaks, HOLY SHIT I'M FUCKING TALL! No seriously, I stood as tall as the building next to me.

"Whoa... this is some wierd shit right here..." I look at the UFO's, "TIME TO KILL SOME SHIT!" I pull out my smgs and fire, taking down 25 or so UFO's, then a giant box drops from the sky and lands on the Sphinx.

"Noooooo....." It starts to open up...

"Nononooo......" It started to morph and rearrange itself.

"Nononononononononono, FAHK!" There, right in front of my eyes was a giant robot, same height as me. More boxes started to drop on the city and morph into more robots. I draw Oboro Muramasa.

"MUGEN PUNCH!" No, Fucking, Way... I know that Voice... I look to my left to see a giant, pink, horned robot with, you guessed it, balloons on its chest plate, its fist smoking from releasing a devastating punch.

"Pinkie Pie?"

"IN THE STEEL!" I dash and slash through the other robots, while Pinkie punches the rest, obliterating them with each blow. I resheath Oboro and pull out my RPG, completely Dissintegrating another Robot, then taking out my smg to take care of some more UFO's. I put away the rpg and take out the shotgun, ripping the next robot to shrapnel. Me and Pinkie, well, her robot, stand among a pile of scrap metal with the last of the robots exploding behind us.

I eject the empty clip of my smg and pull down my sunglasses, I uppercut the last remaining UFO, then turn around to Pinkie, giving her robot a well deserved brohoof. Then the one liner to make it even more badass...

"Toasty..."

Jealous Much? [22]

Jealous Much?

Las Pegasus

"So now that we've got the whole rest of the day off, what now?" We were sitting on those double decker buses that give a tour of the town, except this one had a cafe at the top, cappucino maker and everything. Celestia took a huge bite of cheesecake while Luna took a sip of coffee, trying to avoid eye contact with me. It was night time now, the neon lights and smoldering buildings creating a bright atmosphere.

'Millions of bits in property damage... check'

"Well, I don't really know, I barely have any spare time that I don't know what to do with it." I thought about it, we're in a city that basically makes it's lime light with performances and gambling, if it's like Vegas. But most of the city's high strung due to the fact we just blew the shit out of the town. So...

"Jazz club anyone?"

"Nah, those are too depressing." Hmm, we're on a double deckered bus with coffee and a cappacino maker, a pony who can consume 10 times her body weight in cake alone, two goddess princesses that raise the sun and the moon... I took a long swig of milk.... I got nothin... I mean seriously, I have no idea why we're still in Las Pegasus still, I mean shit's burning and no one seems to actually give a fuck. Might as well make some casual conversation.

"So Princesses, are you serious you get no time to yourselves?" Both of them shake their heads no, "I'm guessing ruling a country takes a really hefty amount of time to do?" They nod.

"Wait, can't you use magic to get all the stuff done? I mean, what exactly do you do?" Both of them look at each other, then back to me...

"Well..." Holy shit, they did nothing... "There's... raising the sun and moon... legal documents... and having to appear all over Equestria..."

"Basically, your morning routine, a couple of stamps for whatever the hell they're meant for, and having to answer shit to a bunch of ponies who know almost nothing about you. In a world kept super pristine by who knows what, you two actually have, in all sense, a bunch of time on your hooves, but nothing to do... wow..." They blush, oh yeah, I'm right...

"My god... you two gals need a fucking vacation..." They were basically couch potatoes, but I wasn't going to rub it in their face. Now that I think about it... their jobs are rather mundane, enough to drive anyone crazy. But what's worse was that they had nothing else to do afterwards. There was no xbox, tv, nothing, and you can only read the newspaper so many damn times, most of them dealing with news that portained to me.

Oh dear God, what have I done? I just blew the crap out of one of the most interesting towns on the map! FUCK! And even so, Anything rated R was off the list, the best thing this town could do was a fucking Jazz Club. That's It, the moment they start rebuilding this town I'm going to pitch in a few bits for a comedy club, though I have no idea what passes as a comedian in Equestria, you're guess is as good as mine. Oh my god I'm having a meaningless train of thought and this probably ends up as an awkward silence. Quick, be an asshole and break it! NAO!

"You know, if aliens were to attack Equestria, Why go for Las Pegasus? I heard the comedians were terrible, but did they have to blow up the damn planet for that?" The princesses start bursting into laughter. Meh, that joke was mediocre at best, I guess comedy here must be plain shit. After all, you can only crank out so many pony jokes before getting into the really obscene... I'm going off on another thought tangent aren't I?

'I don't know, are you?' Dammit brain... It then hits me...

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE?!" Some how during that time we managed to ride that double deckered bus back to Ponyville. For once, I'd like it if time made sense around here, just once... We get off the bus I start heading towards my house, waving goodbye to the princesses again. Luna speaks up.

"Wait! Umm, Aoi, I wanted to say," She looked at her sister, "Thanks for saving Celly from that... conference, and the aliens." BACK THE FUQ UP! Did she just... Oh dear god in heaven, I don't even know what that means! Meh, let's leave it at that...

"Anytime, whenever you want another city blown up, call me... or... send another letter. Something like that..." I started to open the door to my house, as I do, Luna just gallops up to me and gives me the biggest glomp ever.

"I mean it, I don't know what we would have done without you..." CHOKING, NOT BREATHING! Vital signs fading, visible EKG flatlining. I'm done for.

"Oh, I-I'm sorry, I-I-I just don't know what came over me..." NO SHIT!

"Don't worry, all my bones are still intact," I hope... "Well, good night..." I waved at the two princesses and Pinkie pie before finally shutting the door. I sigh before laying down on my bed.

"Congradulations, Aoi..." Discord was upset, and I knew why... "You never cease to amaze me..." I sat up to meet him face to face.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He didn't.

"Oh? So now you want to talk?" He started pacing around my bedside, "Why don't you want to talk with you're new sweetheart, Princess LUNA!" He slammed a paw onto the dresser. I stood up and met his angered gaze.

"Because Luna doesn't need my help now, does she?" Discord gave a wry chuckle.

"And what makes you think I need help?" I looked dead in his eyes.

"Heh, because I felt the same thing as you," I took out a mirror and started to gaze at it, "All those years ago." he started to become interested in that.

"Oh? And What AM I feeling right now, Aoi the omniscient?" I looked back at him.

"Jealousy... or am I mistaken?" His expression turned into shock. I started to walk down the stairs to the kitchen. Something tells me it was going to take a while. I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a jug of cream from top rack.

"So you know then..." Discord said with a rough tone.

"As painful as It must feel to hear it." I pulled the stopper out of the top of the bottle, "I know that you still care for Celestia..." I start to take a swig of the cream. I hold out the bottle, offering it to Discord. He raises his eyebrow.

"Right, still ethereal." I place the bottle back on the table. "You're probably asking yourself why... am I right?"

"If you know all this, then let's skip the chit-chat."

"But I don't... you're the one who said I'm omniscient, not me... I only read what others allow me to read. 5 years talking to a shrink who does nothing but offer pills teaches you things." I take another swig, "One, don't trust shrinks, cause when they say they understand, they don't know jack SHIT! Two, they lie out their asses, trying to drag on the conversations because they get paid by the hour. I only wish I learned it sooner. Three is that the only thing they are good for is teaching you indirectly the emotions they reveal when they try to hide something. Four, they're completely condenscending assholes, refer to reason three." I take a long gulp of the cream in the bottle, damn that's rich.

"I'm not omniscient, and sometimes I take things way to literally. Now on to you." I point at Discord.

"You already know don't you?" He wasn't getting the hint.

"It helps to get it out in the open to the person you have a grudge with." I never really liked referring to it as a grudge, but for lack of a better word, it was exactly what he was feeling towards me. "So, in the words of Clara Peller, 'Where's the Beef?'" I lean back with my elbows on the chair. He snaps his fingers and starts lying on those psychiatric chairs you find in the shrink's office.

"Well, as you said before, why? What just happened back there? You blow up half of Las Pegasus and Princess Luna gives you a hug that almost kills you, I make it rain Chocolate Milk and 6 ponies turn me to stone, Where's my hug, Huh?" I look at him with a glare. Then start to smile.

"Heh, you said you looked at my life how long, ever since that cherry bomb?" I start to smile wider, "You've been through how long of my life?" I cross my legs, "Gazing through that window into my world... and yet, you've never really thought about it, how you were staring at an exact reflection of yourself, did you?" I start laughing.

"What's so funny?" I stop for a second and continue.

"I'll explain later. Right now this is about you, God that must sound SO cliche right now... So you're jealous because I did what you've been trying to do for so long..." I start laughing again... "Heh.. Wow... Irony, you are one messed up son of a bitch..." I look at Discord, for once with a genuinely confused look on his face. I stand up and walk towards him.

"Damn, Discord, you're a tough audience." He starts to sit up in the chair. "I mean, you of all people should be laughing." I crouch down to meet his gaze.

"Why so serious?" I start laughing at full volume, falling backwards on to the floor. "Alright, since you obviously aren't getting the joke, I'll explain." I stare up towards the ceiling. Discord gets up and leans over me, with a rather large smile.

"No need, I get what you're saying..." I use my arms as a pillow. "So you're saying..."

"Yup, all this time, the person to blame is no one. We met purely by chance, why, I ain't got no fucking Idea. But somehow, I'm here, after all, you sent me here didn't you? Why? I don't give a rat's feathery ass. Jealousy, It's a killer of course, but do you understand why? No one makes you jealous, you do it on your own. The reason for jealousy is just simply a coincidence. Now that you've gotten it out, don't you see how small it really is?" I pinch my fingers to emphasize my point.

"Now as for why I was laughing earlier, that was actually a different matter entirely... But I'll let you guess."

"Ooh, a guessing game?" I nod.

"Discord, what does your name mean?" He scratched his head in thought.

"Well that's easy, disharmony betwe-" It hit him like a brick. Suddenly a huge smile went across his face and he facepawed, laughing.

"Like I said, Irony is a bitch... however, your name is a complete and utter misnomer..."

"How so?"

"Chaos doesn't come from Discord, not blasting you on your job or anything but it's true. Chaos, in all pure definition, is lack of order. Discord, however evolves more or less into war. Needless to say, I think you should change your name. Wouldn't want others to catch on..." Besides, God of War was already taken.

"Oh? What would you suggest?"

"Konran." I stiffled a laugh.

"Konran?"

"Just a suggestion, would you rather be called Muchitsujo?"

"What?"

"Both mean Chaos in japanese, or in this case, neighongo." Dammit, the pony puns are getting to me...

"Really... Nah... I'll just stick with Discord, after a millenia or so, the name sticks to you like glue." I sigh.

"Suit yourself..." I get back up and head to the table, grabbing the bottle of cream, "Cheers, Brothers of Chaos 4 Lyfe." He holds up a glass of Chocolate milk and we clink the glasses, downing it's contents before I stop abruptly. I slam the bottle on the table and swallow the cream...

"Discord..." I looked at him, "I felt that just now..."

The fun has been- oh screw it... [23]

The Fun Has Been- Oh Screw it...

Day 23, Ponyville (somewhere around 1:00 in the morning)

"Ga--aaa----a-----a----"

*Aoi processing cycle...*

*Realization in 3....2...1...*

"WHAT THE FACK!"

"QUICK! DISCORD! PUNCH ME IN THE FACE!"

'Yeah I'm probably gonna regret this later...'

*DISCORD PUNCH!*

"AHH DAMMIT!" I punch him back and watch as he reels backwards, we look at each other, and the first thing that comes to both of our minds....

"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!" Yeah, that strangely freaked us both out...

*10 minutes later*

"Okay, possible impications... GO!"

"I'm free?" Discord looks at me with those anime eyes of hope.

"Un Momento." I take out a sheet of paper.

=====

Dear Princess Celestia,

Could you check on the statue of Discord for me? See if the Sunglasses are still there.

-Aoi

=====

"SEND DAMMIT!" I pretty much yell at the scroll, It goes off in a quick poof. 2 minutes later another letter pops open in front of me.

=====

Dear Aoi,

Yes, It's still there.

-Princess Celestia

P.S. You do know it's around 2 in the morning right?

=====

"Okay, so you're not in full blaze of glory mode. WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING?!" Discord shrugs.

"You're guess is as good as mine..."

"Okay, try making a cotton candy cloud..." He does so and I try to grab it, my hand simply passes through...

"OMGOMGOGMOGMGOMGOMGWhat the hell..." Okay, last test I take the Mirror and put it up in front of Discord. He strikes a pose.

"Mmmm handsome fellow." BAKA-NA! I throw the mirror at him, the mirror firmly implanting itself in his skull.

*10 minutes later*

We sit at the table, Discord with a bandage on his head, me pouring a glass of milk.

"So, I can see you just fine, you can see yourself in the mirror, Question is... can others see you..." I look at the door, then back to Discord.

"BTW, Can you still move through stuff?" He shrugs. I take out a baseball bat and try and hit him on the head, the bat passing straight through him. Both of us are speechless for several minutes...

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

*Still Processing...

"I got nothing..." So We have Discord, semi solid, semi visible... what the hell is going on? TALK ME DOWN, MAN!!!

"Okay, so let's try something here... you can make illusions, but not actual things, you can see yourself in the mirror, but we've never actually tried it before. And I can hit you when I actually mean it, hence the punch and the mirror, but not the baseball bat... and I have no idea how any of this is happening at all..." I take a drink of milk, "Or what the hell this means for any of us..." I down the last of the milk.

"Let's just... go to sleep and see what happens in the morning..." I go back upstairs and plop down onto my bed.

"Do you want me to tuck you in?"

"Sure that would be- NO!!!" I pull over the covers and roll over on my side.

'Okay, so shit just happened. Now we just need fan.' I close my eyes and try to sleep, after all it was 2 am in the morning...

11 am, Ponyville

"Good morrow, Aoi."

"Good morning..." Aoi Processing Cycle... "LUNA?!" I swear, this is the second time I find her in my house.

"Nope, Just Discord." Luna reaches over her head and unzips to reveal the Draconequuis in full trollish glory. If he said 'Chuck Testa' I would have sworn he was from the internet. He burst out laughing at my expression.

"Oh it never gets old, the whole switcheroo bit." I throw a pillow at him and pull over the covers.

"Give me 5 more minutes, then let's do lunch, I need my lazy sleeeee--- Oh my God, what the hell happened last night!?" I perk back up remembering what happened last night. I sweep my fur back and zoom straight to the bathroom to take a look in the mirror. Okay, no spots, no fever, no jaundice of the tongue, I am 100% perceivably healthy.

"OKAY! Now we can get down to business on figuring out if this will really fuck things up!" I hear the door open, and in Living Room number one: RAINBOW DASH!.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUU-"

"Hello? Aoi, are you home?" That's it. I'm installing a lock on that door, even though I said I'd be doing that a week ago. I look at Discord, Moment of truth. It's do or die...

"Yeah, I'm home."

"What's going on up there?" She said wondering what the racket was going on upstairs. I motion to Discord to hide in the closet.

"Just testing my decible range, apparently I can hit the 140's if I really try." She didn't buy it.

"RIIIIIIIIGHT... and my wings are just for show." I facepaw, "What's really going on up there." I sigh and just go straight  to the big reveal.

"You can come out now..." The door slowly opens as discord walks out. Rainbow Dash turns white and then Hides uder the table.

"G-G-G-GHOOOOOOOOOST!" Wait wat? I look behind me to see Discord, solid as always. I look back at Rainbow Dash, scared out of her mind. 2 + 2 = 7! WRONG!

"You mean, you CAN'T see him?" Rainbow Dash slowly gets out from under the table.

"You mean YOU CAN?!" Hey, Captain Obvious is MY job, you can't have it...

"Okaaaay... let's just take it really fahkin easy. I've had a rough night, you see absolutely nothing, and I'm seeing something that equates to a ghost." I wink at Discord, "Logical explaination, I've gone... completely... and utterly... insane..." My GAWD... They're coming to take me away...

"I... see?" She cocked her head in a 'Yep, he's lost it' kind of way. Great, now all I need her to do is to get her out of my house so I can finally get this settled down on what exactly happened.

"Perfect, now that we've established the state of my sanity I think it's time for you to go, Ta-ta." I start hustling her out the door, she closes it before I pull the door open, barring it with her hoof.

"Hold it. You're NOT crazy, at least not more than normally anyway. I mean, I SAW that closet door open. So, either we've both gone crazy, or there is an ACTUAL Ghost in your house and YOU can see ghosts." FAHK, DON'T put 2 and 2 together!

"Hang on, I'm not a spirit medium, so that means I shouldn't be able to see ghosts... Are you SURE Pinkie pie doesn't put any secret ingredie--" Imma stop right there, definitely do NOT need to bring Cupcakes into this... I rub my temples in frustration.

General Rule of the Cartoon Universe: Cartoons conveying anecdotes that have one person revealing secrets often end in a really cliche scene...

'NOT THIS TIME MUTHAFAkAAAAH!'

"Rainbow Dash... there's something I need to tell you..." I reach behind me, "But could you please turn around for Just one second." She hesitantly complies. Yeah this part's TOTALLY not going into season three. I take out an oversized hammer and hit her upside the head with it knocking her out.

"Sorry about that." I tie her up to the living room chair. Okay, protecting me from the backlash that's about to occur here, check. Giant cake to apologize with, baked. Let insanity commence.

Rainbow Dash slowly starts to wake up, me sitting backwards in the chair in front of her. Obviously, she's scared out of her mind, wondering what's going on. I sigh and pour a class of milk.

"What's the Big Idea?" I down the glass in one gulp, Dramatically placing the glass on the table. I sigh, then snap my fingers, let's see if this works.

'Discord, show yourself.'

By the expression on Rainbow Dash's face: a mix between Surprise and caution.

"You're not seeing things, Rainbow Dash." I say with a straight face.

"How're you doing, Dash, surprised to see me?" Discord puts on a wide grin.

"Wha-Howtha-I-mean-You're-" Her jaw dropped to the floor right there.

"I have know Idea how to explain it either." I pour another drink.

"WHY ARE WE JUST SITTING HERE!? WE NEED TO GET THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY AND TURN HIM- MFMRMFMMRFMMMRFRMRMMRFMF?" I stuck my paw in her mouth to shut her up.

"Dammit all. Alright, RD, What I'm about to tell you is the truth, the WHOLE truth and nothing but the Truth, Cross my heart ad hope to fly stick a cupcake in my- OW DAMMIT!..." gotta stop doing that.... She seemed to calm down a bit, so I removed my paw from her mouth. Little known fact, she slobbers...

"*sigh* So let's start with some stuff. I'm not really from Skyrim, though I'd like to be, That place is DA SHIET! I'm actually from another UNIVERSE, somehow parallel to your own. Your universe is based off of a television show in my universe, believe it or not. Though I'm pretty sure you have no idea what a television even is. So I actually know a lot more than I let off. I also know about Discord." I motioned a thumb towards Discord sitting down on a spare chair, "So 23 days ago, Discord here somehow got into my world and magicked me or something into your world. *Sigh* The next part is even wierder. Last night somehow I'm able to control Discords current semi-existence outside the statue, By thinking it, I can make him visible or invisible, and when I mean it, he can become tangible, DON'T ask me how the fuck I know all this, I just DO! Now what I must ask you is very, VERY, important. Until the Grand Galloping Gala, absolutely, positively NO ONE must know of this. Before I continue, PINKIE PROMISE that you will not tell ANYPONY, ANYGRIFFIN, Etc. That I know Discord and he is somewhat here, and that you won't throttle us the moment I untie these ropes." I suddenly pull the expression only equal to Fluttershy in D'AWitude, humongous puppy eyes and a slight whimper. She pretty much melts on the spot, trying so hard to resist. She then sighs in defeat.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I sigh in relief.

"Okay, Discord..." I look at him waving at me not to tell, "Do you want to tell her yourself?" He facetaloned. He groaned and crossed his legs.

"Here's the deal, Rainbow Dash, I... well... me and Celestia used to.." My God... the Spirit of Chaos is embarassed of a 1000 year dead relationship... "...be together." I could hear RD's cheeks inflate with surpressed laughter. I look over and she looks like those fucking goldfish that have inflatable cheeks. You know, these things:

I know, fucking huge. I shoot her a glare telling her to deflate immediately. She started whimpering, trying so damn hard not to laugh.

"Now what I'm trying to do, Is when we have the audience with the princess at the Gala, I'm going to try and get Discord and Celestia to, you know, 'patch things up'. Kind of like when i patch things up between you and Gilda." She then looked at me with an expression of complete and utter sincerety, "You of all people should understand... Now..." I take some scissors and cut the rope, RD flapping her wings anxiously.

"Do we have an accord? This does not leave this room, not one word to the others." I stick out my paw in a fist, Discord does the same.

"I just want to say one thing, I find so much as ONE cloud of cotton candy in the sky above Ponyville, Discord better be ready for a world of-"

"Rainbow..." She pouts and taps both our fist with her hooves. A Brohoof ALWAYS makes thing official. I take out two extra pairs of sunglasses, putting mine on first, then handing one to Discord and RD. They put them on and we all cross our arms. The first thing that comes to mind that all of us say simultaneously:

"DEAL WITH IT!"

Non Canon Theater #2: We do movies

Non Canon Theater #2: We Do Movies

A/N: Non Canon Theater is my version of shorts that have absolutely no effect on the storyline whatsoever. Yup, it's exactly what you make of it, my take on Trollfic writing. Except this one is me trying my very hardest to make it Grammar correct. I know right? Anyway, enjoy the incoherent, incomprehensible, Non Canon Theater!

I walked up with the mane six, looking all swagadelic in my fedora, YES I WEAR THEM, DEAL WITH IT! Hoof in paw with Princess Luna, we stride down the red carpet in a haters gonna hate fashion, the Wonderbolts streak across the sky. Honestly I seriously think they have bad gas sometimes, especially the one that has lightning trailing him. We smile at the oncoming crowd of paparazzi, the camera's flashing to capture our hardboiled outfits.

I flash a smile, widest I can at a group of shutterflies, who swoon at my badass clothes and my sexy, yet fluffy face, which grasps the 'd'aw's and 'mmm's of the crowd all at once.

"Sorry ladies, this love train's taken by it's one and ONLY passenger, your very own Princess Luna," I look at Princess Luna, her plot donning a very coquetish evening gown, similar to a mix of Dracula's Bride and sulty housemaid. She leans up close to me, her face smiling in an amorous fashion.

"Mmm, Woof..." she whispers as she starts to nibble on my ear.

*DING*

'HI HONEY!!!' I try to restrain myself as I lean towards her ear.

"Not in front of the press..." She looks at me and pouts, "... later," I whisper. She beams and keeps walking. I seriously gotta get that bitch a cannon, BITCHES LOVE CANNONS! I look back and see the entire mane 6 looking at me, blushing.

"WAAAASURE CHATTA YUUU~ (I Forgot about them...)" I stand, shocked at the possibility that they might have heard me... Oh god...

The movie we got invited to was a production made by Studio 7, okay guys, real original. In all honesty, from what I've heard, the producer and director made this movie, literally in their sleep. I'm not bloody kidding, they SLEPTWALKED and made a fuchen movie. How in the everloving fuck does that even happen? On that train of thought, magnets, HOW DO THEY WORK!? Dammit I'm getting off topic again. Now where was I? Oh God...

I hear giggleing behind me, THAT'S WHAT I WAS FORGETTING... SHIT! Must... retain... innocence... of... technicolored... PONIES!

"Umm... I... uh... OH LOOK, A DISTRACTION!" I point in the opposite direction of the theater, everyone looks at where I'm going.

'HORY SHIET! IT ACTUALLY WORKS!' I take out a smokebomb from my suit and throw it on the ground.

*POMF*

Yes... they do actually make that sound. Luna and I rush to our seats in the theater as fast as we can, me carrying Luna in my arms.

"RUNRUNRUN, RUN LIEK A BAWSE, RUN LIEK A BAWSE!" We zoom past the ticket waiter, grabbing a huge tub of movie popcorn, and jump over what seemed like thirty something chairs.

sv_gravity 0.01

We slam into our seats and give a sigh of relief. Or so we thought.

"YAY! You brought the popcorn!" SHIT! I look to my right and see Pinkie Pie already there. HOW THE-

...

...

...

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

I'm not gonna finish my sentence. I facepalm and look up at the movie screen, sighing visibly. You know, in anime where you see characters sigh a cutout white mushroom? It's somewhat discomforting to actually SEE IT!

"Well, hopefully this thing won't make us go to sleep like the last movie." Wait, I know that voice! I turn around to see Discord, feet propped up on the back of Pinkie's chair, munching on a cotton candy cloud.

"DABURU?! (Double?!)" My jaw drops as Discord finishes the cotton candy cloud on the paper cone, only to twirl it in Pinkie's hair and start munching on...

*Aoi Processing Cycle*

....

...

*STILL COMPREHENDING REALITY DAMMIT!*

"YOU'RE EATING HAIR!" I look back at Pinkie happily chomping away on...

"MY POPCORN!" I grab the tub of popcorn from her hooves. Her hair mysteriously grows back as she tries to grab another handful of popcorn. Grabbing nothing, she looks down in surprise then looks at me with a sad pout, her hair deflating...

*D'aw Switch*

'Oh God... willpower instantly draining... aaaaaaaand gone...'

"Oh fine..." I hand the tub back with a groan. Her hair poofs back up instantly right as the previews finish.

"Someone... brain bleach... please..." I cover my eyes and Luna's. NOT SAFE FOR WOONA!!! Okay, first off, the movie had crappy music, ripping off from starwars on SO MANY DAMN LEVELS, all to watch a guy eat a mayo sandwich. The thing didn't even had any lettuce, tomatoes, nothing. Just damn mayonaise. The rest of the movie was a 90 minute romantic comedy. The horrible fact was it was not yet rated so they managed to slap in so many...

... Oh no...

.. Don't do that!...

... THE MELON TOO?...

... What...in the literal FUCK!...

... AAAAAAUGH! Oh god...

... HOW IS THAT EVEN ANATOMICALLY POSSIBLE!!!...

... *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEGH*...

"FUCK THIS THREAD, I'M OUT!" I grab Luna's hoof and stop out the door. Welp, my innocence, as well as so many others, have been incestuously ruined by a romantic comedy by two sleepwalking dudes and their wet dreams. If I didn't know any better, I'd say they actually KNOW about rule 34, even down to the SUB ARTICLES. Luna was shivering at the atrocity she had just witnessed. To be known, THAT wasn't even rule 34, that was all the creepy fetish boards of the internet rolled into a tootsie pop and given to a baby! I walked up to the producer's seat and punched him in the face.

"WHEN YOU MADE THIS MOVIE, DID YOU THROW AWAY YOUR SENSE OF DIGNITY AS WELL?" I said to the pony I just throttled.

"SERIOUSLY, How in Equis did you manage to get two ponies to agree to do..." I vomited all over the producer as the scene with the Ice box and the Pineapple came to mind. Seriously though, vomit is hell to get out of your fur. I should know, I'm a wolf now. By the end of the movie, I had to drag the mane six one by one out of the theater, especially Fluttershy, locked in the fetal position, spouting shocked, incoherent twaddle-speak.

"Please let this work..." I rustle through my suit and somehow managed to pull out an entire gallon jug of brain bleach. By Celestia's sweaty tampons, I swear it literally said, 'Brain Bleach, 100% by content'.

*Awkward silence*...

"It's MAGIC, OKAY? I ain't got to explain SHIT!" I say to all the haters out there. DAS RIET, AH SEE U OUT DER! I pour the gallon of brain bleach on the mane 6 and Luna, then down the leftovers.

"CLEANSING POWERS, ACTIVATE!" Oh God... I forgot brain bleach was poisonous if injested.

I wake up in the Hospital later, Luna tending to me at my bedside. I creak my mouth open to state my obvious surroundings.

"Fahja... Fahja is dat yu?" WRONG! Brain.exe still loading proper recognition components...

Fatal Exception has Occured: Proper Recognition components are missing.

'DAMMIT! I knew I should've switched to Vista...' Luna looked at me with wide eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Sweetheart, the only thing that hurts right now is my everything," OKAY! One, did I just call Luna a sweetheart? Two, SELF DIAGNOSTIC!

"Ears, fine, Face, still fluffy, hands, still paws, crotch, unkicked, internal organs... NOT GOOD!" I look to my left and see X-Rays of my internal organs, died PINK! WHAT THE HELL?

"I thought those X-Rays only came in blue?" The question that kills it all.

"They are blue..." Oh god... is there anything ELSE you'd like to do to me, universe of insane Multi-colored ponies?

"Well, other than the fact that I now see everything in a shade of cotton candy, there's also the brain damage, and the brain damage, and the brain damage..." I hate you TFS...

"Well, Hopefully you get well soon." Luna kisses me on the muzzle. MANRY SWITCH REACTIVATED! I shoot up, standing fully recovered, striking a victory pose.

"WRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" I love this world. I slip on a leather jacket and somehow we are outside and Luna and I are on a motorcyle with High handle bars. She looks at me in amazement because of the sudden changes in appearance, and reality. Her jaw drops to the ground before saying something I hope I'm not mishearing.

"I WANT TO DO A SEX ON YOU!" Must... resist... urge... To...

"Cool..." DAMMIT!!! My vision suddenly becomes darker. I reach up to my face to find...

WHY AM I WEARING SUNGLASSES!!!

Yeah, I know what you must be thinking. You probably feel Butthurt, and most likely you are wondering what I am smoking. Deal with it, cause I'm not telling. Hopefully this'll tide you over until I can continue with the storyline, which will probably be when I draw Zeta Hugging Rachel, or robot Griffin, whichever comes first. Tata, enjoy the fact that I just stole your lungs.

I'm gonna start a fight! [4]

I'm gonna start a fight!

"SONNOVABITCHSONNOVABITCHSONNOVABITCHSONNOVABITCHSONNOVABITCH." BOING?! I land and bounce off of mattresses stacked on top of each other and somehow land upright. 10 points biotch! Take the win formation proudly holding arms up and pointer fingers extended. Immediately I get glomped by non other than the infamous, cup-cake making, 4th wall breaking, possible speed using Pinkie Pie.

"I LOVE DOGGIES!!! OH YOUR SO CUTE! I'm going to love him, and care for him, and call him... wait, I already have Gummy. Oh well... GoodBYE Mr. Doggie, and take cover." SHIT! I dodge a falling plant only to get crushed by a piano. By now, I should really get a  universe troll counter. I spend the next couple of minutes prying the splinters out of my muzzle while checking for concussive brain damage and organ rupture.

'Nothing except the splinters, and no brain damage-amage-amage-amage. Uh-oh...'

By this time I'm too tired to think anymore so I decide to try and get a bed for tonight. Map, GUIDE ME! Possible snoozing spots are Sweet apple acres, meh, Sugar Cube Corner, Fuq No!, The library, does Twilight even sleep, or drop and deal with it in the morning.

'Hmm... *GASP* I have an Idea*

I crawl to the Top of the barn at Sweet Apple Acres and decide to sleep there.

"So how was your second day of being exposed to a carefree society." Hmm, I had to think about that one.

1)Shot a stallion out of a hole in the ground

2)Fought a Dragon

3)Getting shot out of a cannon

4)Paraglide Muthafahka!

5)Discovering the stuff I have in Hammerspace

6)Discovering I look damn sexy in fur

7)Gave a Funeral to a Dragon

8)Conducted the Canterlot Symphony for a Day

9)Met the princesses, kinda dull for a first impression, second impression, ALL BETS GO TO SHIT!

10)SUNGLASSES MUTHAFAHKA!

11)Wrote a letter to the princesses while swagfalling

"Fahking AWESOMESAUCE!" I drop into sleep from fatigue.

The Next Morning, Ponyville

I wake up the next morning to a 140 decible Dubstep alarm and accidently fall off the barn. 'Oh SHIT!' faceplants hurt more when you have a muzzle.

"There's only one pony I know with the capacity to be a city wide alarm clock." I walk the 1.2 miles to Vinyl and Octavia's House. I pull out some 'provisions' and set them up infront of the door, crank the turbo bass to 12, grab a drink of Marester, and knock loudly. Vinyl opens the door just as the song hits the 54 second mark.

"FIRE!" Vinyl Counters with techno. "Let's SPIN THIS SHIT!"

"Are you Fahking Kiddin me!?" The street vibrates from the wubs. THE BRO ARMY SHALL COMETH!

"HEEEEYEYEYEEYEYEYYEEYEYE MYAYAYYAYAYYAYA VOICE SOUOUOUOUONDS FUNUUNUNUNY." Pinkie Pie shakes across the vibrations.

"ALRIGHT BABE Let's DO THIS!" suddenly Octavia Appears, violin and cello at the ready.

'So she took my advice...'

"READY!"

"DROP IT! BASS CANNON LEVEL 13!" There can be only One! I put on my headphones for this one.  The ground starts to fissure as eardrums pop, a dubstep battle like never before. OH THE WUBS!

"WILL YOU GUYS TURN IT DOWN! I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" Rarity becomes the one to intervene and smashes the equipment with one of her manequins.

"Awww.............." I sigh with depression. Vinyl Scratch walks up to the setup I had.

"Wow, even your own bass cannon huh? Let's party sometime, catcha later." Oh well, it had to end sometime...

4 hours later, Outside of Ponyville

"So," Discord finally taking the earbuds out, "Is that how you start off every morning."

"No, not really, I usually just wake up to classical music, then eat breakfast, then try something new." We were lying on the grass, watching the clouds go by. I liked the smell of fresh air, a power that few could come by, "So, I've only glanced at this world from mine, what was your 'New Ponyville' Like?"

"Oh, it was wonderful, Raining chocolate, working Pimsleur staircases, the very pique of random nonsense. All at my very fingertips." Apparently reminiscence was all he could really do.

"Let me guess, other ponies couldn't handle the change overnight and started working against you to get things back to the way they were?" Discord nodded, "Man, you just described revolution in a G setting. You see, the nature of things is only small steps of change at a time, gradually so that nothing becomes a giant leap to adapt. Same thing with people, er, ponies. Change everything in less than a millisecond and things become too much to absorb and process, and you've immediately got backlash, attempts to change things back to the way they were before anyone realizes what the hell happened in the first place. Overdramatism leads to failure. In Sun Tzu's 'Art of War', he describes how important it is to know yourself before heading into anything. Take care to know your limits, as well as find what makes you, well, you. Many of the things you described in your 'New Ponyville' were actually good ideas, I mean, seriously CHOCOLATE RAAAAAAAIN!!!" had to do it, "There might have actually been other ponies that liked the chaos that ensued, but it was just to much for the rest, now you're stuck in stone."

"...again..." Say what now? "I've been stuck in stone before, my gosh the time ticking away the hours and the days and the years, what a nightmare, so I broke out. That ended badly, so then I pondered what other realms had elements of chaos, and your's fit the bill, thing was..."

"...You described it as TOO chaotic, unable to actually make a change."

"Now look who can read minds..." Discord ponted out.

"Actually, before all this, I did many things, a voyeuristic lifestyle, doing anything and everything, arts, sciences, literature, mathematics, etc. Some talents caught on really well, for example, analyzing. When we first met you applauded me for being able to bring chaos to a much too chaotic world. Analyzing your speech showed you couldn't do what I did, because it was more than you ever dreamed of. I'm also skilled at demolitions and pyrotechnics." I tried to pull a cute smirk.

"So, were you and the princesses ever friends?" Prying into personal ground here, let's watch.

"Once, of course, we got into spats and things because of the massive differences in personality. But among other things we had a lot in common: Celestia and I were both into pranks, I more than she."

"I'm wondering how you would beat shooting someone out of a cannon." Thinking back to how both Celestia and I both did the same thing, except the whole 'on the moon' thing. Which reminds me, "Hey, are wolves able to use magic?"

"Why, yes, but on a stranger degree, I used to research how they did certain things, like your concept of 'Hammerspace' that you showed me earlier, but other things as well. While unicorns and alicorns used magic through their horns, wolves also had the ability, through their words and will." This piqued my interest.

"Oh? So, By words, the actual meaning go into play, and by will, the intent or effect given to those words." Remembering the instances of the use of my voice.

"So why did the wolves become extinct?" Interested in the story Celestia told me.

"They were divided amongs themselves, Isolated, they never spoke again, simply howled at the moon during the night." Discord said it as if he genuinely had no idea what happened, curious...

"So Technically, I'm the last wolf, and able to use magic just by using my voice?"

"Consider yourself, what was it you said... one with the voice?" he held back a snicker, "The only drawback is that it requires one of two requirements, a large inhale before the release of the spell, or an incredulous amount of drain on stamina, which is why it was so taxing on you after the battle, you could barely stand up after the funeral."

"You took all that time researching? Well, knowledge can be a powerful catalyst for just about anything."

"So can a drive or reason, Wouldn't you agree? Which kind of makes me wonder, what gave you the ability to enjoy chaos as much as I did?"

"I'm not sure," I thought about it, back tracking to when I was... ow... why does my head hurt when I try to remember when I was... when I was... when I was...........

I woke up at the hospital two hours later face-to-face with none other than 4th-wall-breaker Pinkie.

"HI there! Remember me? I'm the one who gave you a hug after you jumped off that matress. I found you outside Ponyville on the grass and you weren't moving, So i tried dumping a bucket of water on you, that didn't work either, so then I finally got you to the hospital..." I simply glanced at her and closed my eyes again... "I got you some pudding!" I dropped off into dream land...

"Discord, can I use magic even when I'm subconscious?" I needed to hurry...

"You should be able to, why?" He seemed rather concerned, "It's not everyday I talk in someone's dreams."

"Sanctuarium Meum! (My Sanctuary)!" I needed to get away...

"You know you're going to feel this when you wake up."

"I don't care, Listen Discord, remember when you asked me what was my drive for chaos?"

"Yes?

"I will explain... *pain* later."

==============================================================================

Dear Luna,

Love your sister, she loves you too...

-Aoi

==============================================================================

To slate your curiosity, Read the Gaiden Chapter 4x - A Broken Record. Remember, there are things you might not wish to read or remember.

Heaven is on the Other side of Hell [16x]

Heaven is on the Other Side of Hell

==Aoi, 12 years old==

"Hi... my name's Kale." He offered his hand in hopes of a handshake.

"Isn't kale a plant?" I take his hand uneasily.

"My mom wonders the same thing," we both laugh.

"What's yours?"

"Aoi, Aoi Myoujin."

"That's a funny name, what's it mean?" I started to think about my name, Aoi Myoujin.

"It means a blue stranger." Blue had a double meaning.

"Well, it fits, you always seem sad, every find out why?" He had these eyes, calm, gentle, that could look at your very soul, a kind person.

Kale was the closest I had to a friend, then one day... there was an accident... no...

it wasn't an accident...

it was cold blooded murder...

It was raining... we were in the back allies, a group of thugs jumped us, demanded a toll for us to cross. Kale looked dead in their eyes and said,

"We don't have any," they shot him, straight through the heart... the bullet landing right next to me... I started feeling like what I did back then, vision going red, blood coursing through every living fiber of my body. Next thing I knew the thugs were dead, I was holding a knife in one hand, a gun in the other...

...I'm not going to let that happen again...

This Gaiden Chapter is basically the rainy night that Aoi refers to in Chapter 16, and is also one that will be edited in the future.