Chapters Luna Leaving (Alternate Universe)
Dear Princess Celestia,
The first thing you will note upon reading this letter is the unusually formal way I am addressing you. No doubt you think I am being silly, or playing some sort of prank. This is not the case. From this moment forth, I must use your title as though I were not a princess. This is because I'm not.
I quit.
There it is in a nutshell, Princess. I have, of course, written a formal letter of resignation, which I've copied and sent to everypony in Equestria. You should receive yours soon, provided that the postal service isn't stopped up for a few months with all the deliveries. Also, you'll probably have noticed by now that all my regalia remains, as I no longer hold a royal title and it is therefore not my right to wear it. However, I have taken my annual salary and all that I wish to keep of my personal belongings. Everything else can be donated to Twilight (she might appreciate it) or sent to some charity. Everything, that is, except for my old armor from being Nightmare Moon, which I want preserved in a glass case in the throne room or entrance hall, if possible. If not, put it in the tall astronomy tower. You'll find it in a hidden room behind that tapestry of an anvil on the third floor.
This brings me to my new occupation. Although I could live quite comfortably on what I have saved up, I didn't quit for nothing. I've decided to go back to doing what I used to do before we defeated Discord and became princesses: smithing. Even though it's not my special talent, I remember how to do it quite well. In fact, that's how I made my Nightmare Moon armor; that stuff doesn't come from pure magic, you know! (This is also the reason you'll find it whole and undamaged behind that tapestry; you remember it was completely shattered upon my second defeat, but I was able to mend it.)
Oh, and that reminds me. Just because I'm no longer a princess doesn't mean I'm going to give up my other job. You remain Princess of the Day, because I'm still going to raise the moon and create the night. I'm just not doing the princess stuff anymore. It is my special talent, after all, and I'm not giving that up. And I'd still be glad to play the hero anytime some disaster strikes that you don't want to deal with. Maybe I'll team up with Twilight and her friends, they might be glad to have another alicorn with them. I'm moving to Ponyville anyway, since the ponies there are really nice and are more or less used to having an alicorn around. Surely having two won't kill them, right?
... Oh, I hope it doesn't kill them.
Anyway, I'm going to open my smithy near Sweet Apple Acres. It's a nice scenic spot, close enough to the Everfree Forest that I can go visit our old castle anytime I need or want to. Maybe someday I'll fix it up and live there again, as I think that at least half of it still legally belongs to me. I'll check on that if I ever want it, and see... do you still want your half? I kind of destroyed it in the Nightmare Moon incident. Either way, I'll probably visit there often to read, so if you ever need to find me, check there. Actually, you might want to check my smithy first, since I'll be living and working there. You won't be able to miss it, as I'll be building it out of dark stone and decorating the outside with night-themed carvings and metal embellishments made of the same blue starsteel that I used on my Nightmare Moon armor. Then there'll be blue- flaming torches, and maybe some glowing gems in the walls... I'll have to have midnight blue or purple velvet curtains... probably an observatory on top of my house, too, and the house will be adjacent to the flat smithy... I'm getting sidetracked. The point is, you won't be able to miss it.
I think that's all for now, Princess. (Faust, it feels so weird to call you that!) I quit, I'm not sorry. Come visit me sometime, we'll have tea or something-- after all, we are still blood sisters. In case you haven't picked this up by now, I'm not giving up my Alicornhood (I don't even know if that's possible). I think I'll actually start looking for a spouse once I get settled in, since I should have considerably more time for that sort of thing-- I'll keep you posted about that, if you like. Other than that...
Luna paused, tapping her quill against her cheek. Was there anything she'd forgotten? Deciding there wasn't, she rolled up the scroll, sealed it, and wrote "For Celestia" on the front before setting it on her desk. Next, she pulled out a stack of parchment. In the biggest letters she could write (one per page), she elegantly scripted, "Dear Equestria: I quit. Sincerely, Luna." Binding it together with a ribbon and giggling, she quickly cast a few simple spells: one to copy the stack so that there was one for every pony in Equestria, and another to teleport it all to the post office, addressing each to an individual pony. Grinning, she checked to see that everything was in place, grabbed the saddlebags she'd prepared, and left her bedroom. She strolled merrily through the halls of Canterlot Castle until she'd reached the kitchen. Grabbing a quick snack, she opened the biggest window and flew out into the night, heading for a small, unassuming village just south of Canterlot. Ponyville had no idea what was about to hit it.
That morning dawned like any other. The sun rose beautifully and steadily, casting a golden light over the peaceful gardens and panicking halls of Canterlot Castle. In the throne room, a guard rushed up to the terrified Princess Celestia, carefully grasping a scroll in his mouth. "We searched her room again, Your Majesty! This may be the only clue as to where she is, but it's addressed to you." The princess nodded grimly, taking the scroll in her magical grasp. She hadn't read for three seconds before the bellowing cry issued across all of Equestria, screamed in the Royal Canterlot Voice:
"LUNA!!!"
Author's Note
This was originally going to be a separate story, but didn't have enough words. So, here it is now!
Dear Princess Cadence
Dear Princess Cadence,
I am writing to you about this because you are the Princess of Love as well as the ruler of the Crystal Empire. I thought this to be within your domain. I could not identify all of the individual spells on the arrow due to their complexity and close ties into one another, but I was sure that you would be interested (hence my inclusion of the arrow with this letter).
I also thought that you would like to know that there's some pegasus who got hold of a bunch of these arrows somehow and is now flying around Canterlot shooting them at random ponies. Whoever this maniac is, she's messing with love like it's just candy to be passed around, without care of whether or not the ponies like what they're getting handed. As I'm sure you know the seriousness of this issue, I thought it best to alert you before the situation can get any worse. Fortunately, I've been prepared for this, and gave myself magical wards against both arrows and love magic several years ago just to be on the safe side.
Sincerely,
~~~)*(~~~
Dear Prof. Lovenaught,
I will get to you someday. Nopony escapes the Power of Love forever.
On a more pleasant note, do you have any new crushes I should know about? Maybe that nice stallion with the yellow mane and brown eyes? I can hook you up with him if you want, or anypony you like, really.
Oh, and enclosed you will find a considerable sum of bits. I'm willing to increase it if you want, but keep this between us, please. As in, don't tell Celestia that I'm attacking her city with my love arrows. She doesn't need to know about this, and neither does the Emotional Protection Agency. I act on my own terms, and nopony needs to be messing with my noble work.
Sincerely,
~~~)*(~~~
Dear Princess Celestia,
Sincerely,
Discord iz best princess!!!!
Deer princess Discord,
Author's Note
I'm weird.
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Princesses, Please Help!! A Most Terrible Thing has Occured!!
To: the Princesses Celestia and Luna of Equestria, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza of the Crystal Empire, and Princess Twilight of Friendship
Your Royal Highnesses,WORST POSSIBLE THING!!!!! (And I really do mean it this time!) It is a hideous, liquid-oozing blob of hot, steaming chunks in clashing colors, emitting the most putrid smell in the world! I do not believe it is sentient, but such a horrible thing surely requires ponies used to dealing with the foulest things and creatures in Equestria. Once again, please help!
~~~)*(~~~
Rarity,
~~~)*(~~~
Dear Princess Twilight,all the Princesses to this drastic situation. Besides, darling, ever since you introduced your unicorn-accessible version of the dragonfire spell to me, I've been simply dying to use it!
As to your inquiry on the details of the situation, if you must know, it is my dear Opalescence's doing. She had a terrible coughing fit this morning, and hacked up this... thing that is now lying on my carpet. My beautiful Saddle Arabian carpet, that I paid hundreds of bits to have imported! And this DISGUSTING HORROR is just sitting there, while its juices seep into the floor! I must beg your immediate assistance with removing it!
~~~)*(~~~
Dear Lady Rarity,*sigh, do I really have to sign it like this, Auntie Luna? fine...* Mi Amore Cadenza
~~~)*(~~~
Rarity,is rather fun. See you in a bit!
Author's Note
One of my cats threw up the other day, and I suddenly had an idea. What can I say? I'm not one to deny inspiration when it comes.
I hope I didn't completely butcher Rarity's character during this series of letters. I sincerely apologize to all Rarity fans, along with the writers and Tabitha St. Germain if I did.