Chapter 2: Plumwood

“Goooooooood morning, my fellow degenerates. Lovely day out, isn’t it?
The sun is hiding behind its usual curtain of clouds, the mutants are all bright eyed and bushy tailed, and the Taint is just as wicked as ever. And I ain’t talkin’ about that goopy stuff that gives you extra eyeballs! Yessir, life out here in the Zona is a bitch. “

“You can be raped by raiders, flayed by flanamingos, wrecked by radiation... all before you eat your breaky-bye! Kinda makes you wonder what makes people keep going, with inevitable death or worse being just around the corner and all. My old man used to always tell me, ‘The hardest things are often the ones that are worth fighting for, and the road to salvation is long and hard’. Reminds me! So I was at a bar one time, and this chick with a great ass comes out and—”

Click!

With just a flick of a switch, the wasteland was quiet once again. Leaky stared at her Pipbuck and shook her head. Even though Muckraker had good taste in music, his ramblings often became too much to bear for a civilized pony such as herself. ‘I’ll give him a few more minutes...’

She lowered her hoof to the ground and peered wearily at her surroundings. The skeletal half-buried remains of rusty, twisted transmission towers dotted the landscape for as far as she could see, like the partially skeletal corpse of a massive metal snake. Weak rays of Celestia’s sun shone through its thick cloud curtain and kissed the vast, sandy expanse before being hidden away, as if a parent was keeping two lovers apart.

With a grunt, she picked herself up off the floor and stretched her weary limbs, almost gagging at the wave of morning sickness that assaulted her. Two days in the Zona and she was already feeling the harsh effects of the wasteland, yet had nothing to show for her work, unless her Stable of nearly one-thousand ponies could survive on a few irradiated puddles of water and scattered patches of dried desert weeds, of course. She gathered her meager belongings and packed them away neatly into her saddlebag.

Leaky breathed deeply through her nose and sighed, then squeezed into her security armor. It seemed to shrink every day. Strapping her machete’s scabbard onto her thigh and her 10mm pistol into its holster, she continued her still fruitless search for civilization and settlement in the Zona.

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The soft clicking of Leaky's radiation counter was met with an exhausted sigh, she buried her hooves into her face and shook her head. Dragging her hooves across her eyes, she despondently brought up her Pipbuck. She navigated its interface and started recording.

“Leaky Faucet’s log: Day 2, time... 11:24 in the morning.” She paused and looked around the valley she found herself in. “Quadrant 4A2 is a complete bust. The lake in the valley is contaminated heavily by an unknown chemical, the source might be a crashed wagon on the western shore. Attempts to filter samples and purify them have met with failure, as the chemical remains there even after repeated treatment. Radiation in the area is minimal, but could be a problem in the long run. Moving to Quadrant 4A3.”

She packed her surveying tools away and trotted quickly to the borders of the valley, eager to escape her pipbuck’s ever present clicking.

As the device on her forehoof fell silent, an ear splitting scream echoed off the valley’s walls and she stumbled

The scream was panicked and high-pitched. A filly’s. It seemed to come from over the cliff that shrouded Leaky’s position. She hurriedly scrambled over the incline and poked her head over the rocky ledge.

A little filly, no older than the curly-haired one back in Stable 16 that called her fat, was darting across a plain, a panicked expression painted on her tired, sweaty face. A brightly colored, smiling padlock adorned her bright green flank. “Nooo! I don’t wanna go back!! Please!!!”

A pink mare with a light blue mane dashed after her, the little filly’s short legs being no match for a fully grown earth mare’s speed. “You come back here this instant, little missy!” She had no weapons on her, but wore a dainty flower-pattern frock and an equally dainty sunhat covered with flowers, which blew off her head in the chase

Just as the mare caught up to the filly, the ground in front of them erupted and sent the filly crashing backwards. The mare froze dead in her tracks.

A slender, purple-carapaced creature leaped out of the hole, its long claws sinking into the ground at the end of its spindly legs. The barbed tentacles protruding from its sides flailed as its smooth face slid open to reveal a wide, needle-toothed maw. Before Leaky could move in, it reared back and unleashed a scream like rusty metal grinding against a chalkboard, causing all to stagger back. The filly, staring in open-mouthed terror, began to turn, before the creature lunged forward with speed unbefitting its size, tearing off the filly's head in one quick, greedy bite.

She didn’t even have time to scream.

Her headless body hobbled backwards and collapsed against the pink mare, still twitching. The filly’s pursuer stepped back in horror, flinging the corpse away from her, she turned tail to run, only to trip on her own hooves as the purple creature pounced onto her back.

Just as the monster reared again to maul its prey, a shot rang out, followed by the wet crunch of a bullet penetrating its carapace. The abomination shrieked like nails in a blender and staggered, trying to focus on the source of its newfound agony. “Hey! Over here!! Hey!!!” shouted Leaky, charging into the scene.

She regretted the decision immediately and braked as she saw the purple fiend’s eyeless gaze lock onto her and begin to position itself to charge. The horrified pink mare furtively crawled to safety, her beautiful dress being stained with dirt and the filly’s blood, silently muttering “Oh my, oh my, oh my...”

The monster lowered its head and bared its nest of bloody teeth as it slowly padded towards Leaky. It was stalking her.

“Okay,” Leaky thought out-loud, her horn glowing as her machete slid from its scabbard. “You can do this. Just like training...”

‘...except training didn’t have hell beasts.’

The vaguely-avian monstrosity paced around her for what seemed an eternity before bending its knees and snapping forward in the space of a heartbeat. Leaky braced herself and brought up SATS, aiming for the fiend’s long, thin neck. The blade swung shallow and drove into the creature’s chitinous hide with little effort, sending the unbalanced abomination tumbling into the dirt (Super Slam!). It attempted to screech in justified agony as it writhed wildly on the ground, its agonized screams turning to distressed gurgles as it writhed on the ground, blood pooling in its throat. Leaky grimly pulled out the machete with a gory SCHWIK as the creature continued to writhe, blood spurting from its mangled neck.

“Go on, dearie...” spoke the pink mare as she walked out from behind a boulder she had hid behind. “Even boogies don’t deserve to suffer.”

Leaky looked at the mare, then back at the writhing abomination before her. She raised her machete over her head and closed her eyes. The creature screeched and convulsed, and with one wet thwack, its body lay still.

She had killed molerats and coyotes before during her short stay in the Zona, but this thing was over 3 times the size of anything she previously fought. She felt a mixture of pride and disgust.

“Awful beasties, those flanamingos are,” spoke up the mare with the now-ruined frock. “Opportunistic scavengers. They pop up when ya least expect it.” Her face went from grim to blindingly cheerful in a blink of an eye. “Thank ya for the assist! I was a goner fer sure! My name’s Plum Puddin’.” Her bright smile juxtaposed her blood-splattered form.

“Yeah... no problem...” A quick glance at the still-twitching headless corpse of the filly was more than enough to almost bring Leaky into a gagging fit. A young life, full of so much potential, snagged away by this savage, loveless place. She looked at the mare morosely, a welling pit of sadness threatening to expand cancerously into her voice. “I’m sorry… I wasn’t fast enough...”

The blood splattered mare sucked her teeth at the sight. “Ya. A downright shame, that is. You never get used to seein’ stuff like that, no matter how long you’ve been out here.”

“Who was she?” asked Leaky, shifting her weight. “Why were you chasing her?”

Plum tilted her head and squinted, then nodded with realization. “Oh, her... ya... poor Pots. A homeless child from my town. Real sweet kid, she was. Her parents were killed by raiders a while back, so we put her in the orphanage... we did the best to care fer her, but she kept runnin’ away. This is the farthest she’s got...” She shook her head and sighed. “Such is life, eh.”

“I’m starting to realize...” lamented Leaky. Her head shot up in afterthought. “Wait, town? You have a town out here?”

The mare beamed again and swole her chest with pride. “Oh ya. She’s quite the beaute. We got almost everythin’ a pony could ask fer. Why? Lookin’ fer supplies, are ya?”

“Sort of,” confessed Leaky. “I’m looking for--”

Plum raised a hoof and interrupted. “Hold that thought, dearie. Whatever problems ya got can hold on till we get back to town. It would be a real honor to have you there; everythin’ will be on the house, so to speak! ”

“It wouldn’t be a bother?” asked Leaky. The sprightly mare flashed that incorrigible smile again.

“Of course not!” she chirped. “Don’t be silly! Havin’ a plucky hero such as yerself visit our town would be a downright blessing!” She leaned forward and winked. “And if anypony has a problem with that, I‘m the mayor, I can tell ‘em to go shove it!” She tittered and covered her mouth with her hoof. “Oh my, pardon my language! Let’s get goin’, shall we?” She began to leisurely trot towards the way she originally came from. Leaky noticed a plum-shaped cutie mark on her flank as the wind picked up slightly.

“If you insist, Mrs. Pudding” said Leaky with the sincerest smile she could muster as she began to follow her new tour guide.

“Ooh, so proper! Such manners! I like you, adventurer you! What’s yer name, anywho?”

“Leaky. Leaky Faucet.”

“What a pretty name! Just rolls right off the tongue, doesn’t it? Say Leaky, what do ya know about plums?”

******************************************************************

This mare sure knows about plums...’

She was by no means an unpleasant companion, but things tend to border ridiculous when somepony knows the exact PH of a plum during the summertime and wintertime.

“...And that’s how plums got their name! Or so my great grandpa Crazy Eyes said. Boy, he sure had some really crazy eyes, I’ll tell ya what. Ooh, we’re here!” Plum stopped her sprightly trot and extended a hoof towards a brightly colored sign decorated with intricately drawn vines, peppered lightly with tiny colorful hoofprints, most likely made by children. “Welcome to Plumwood!”

To the left of that decorative sign was an expansive town made up of prim and proper wooden houses packed in neat rows. Ponies trotted in and out of its various stores and stalls, happily greeting each other as they pass. Colorful birds sat perched above the houses, making sweet music that filled the air. It was the very definition of a happy, bustling town.

“Wow... this is quite the town...” Leaky thought out-loud. “But… where are the children?” She had seen ponies of all shapes and sizes, all except fillies and colts.

“School, honey bun” responded her jovial tour guide. “We have all sorts of institutions here in Plumwood. The children are our future, after all! And they need all the help groomin’ them for said future.”

“That’s good to know” Leaky added quietly. Plum looked back with a smile that hadn’t faded yet.

“Why’s that dearie?”

“Well...” Leaky pointed at her belly. Her security barding must have been covering the majority of her baby bump.

“Oh my! And all out on your own like this? How brave of you! What do you--”

“Hold on up now, Mrs. Mayor!” interrupted a stallion’s voice from behind. Leaky turned to the voice. She accidentally staggered back as she saw a pony with a long, finely combed mustache approach, a giant ten-gallon hat bopping on his head as he trotted quickly. “We’ve got a situatio--”

Plum spun around sharply. “Yes, Sheriff Stu. I am aware of the child that ran away.” She shook her head sadly. “Got attacked by flanamingo. Didn’t make it, the poor thing. Please send a party to the Bone Spur Flats to retrieve the filly’s body before nightfall.”

He stopped dead in his tracks and covered his mustachio’d mouth with a hoof. His demeanor changed almost immediately. “Beg yer pardon. I wasn’t aware there were... visitors today.”

“I’m aware, Sheriff Stu,” smiled the chipper mayor. “This scrappy heroine’s name is Leaky Faucet. Saved my skin from the awful beastie that took the runaway child’s life, she did! Ya don’t have any objections to her visit, do ya now?”

The presumed sheriff rubbed the back of his brown mane. “Ah... ’spose not, May’r Plum. Jus’ with current events n’ all--”

The pink mare raised a hoof to cut him off, never once faltering her smile. “I am very well aware of current events, Sheriff Stu. But the day I can’t invite ponies to my town is the day I turn broodmother for an entire colony of flanamingos.” Before the sheriff could respond, Plum raised her voice and patted the stallion’s shoulder, her tone seemingly even more cheerful than before. “Glad we could get that sorted out!”

The sheriff lowered his hat slightly down his face. “Ya, sure. Don’t wanna be a bother.”

Leaky’s ears perked slightly as she heard his accent falter ( [Perception 5+] Success!). She noticed that under that cheesy cowpoke accent she had seen many times in old films back in Stable 16, he actually had the same pleasant twang Plum did.

“Why, ah… do you talk like that, Mr. Sheriff?” inquired Leaky, innocently curious.

The sheriff staggered backwards, taken aback at the accusation. “We’hl ah’d nevar! I don’t know watchoo mean right thar!” Leaky cringed at the mish-mash of incomprehensible drawls the sheriff attempted to emulate. Trying to decipher which one he was even attempting was like trying to find ones way out of a maze with no exits.

Plum Pudding let out a long unsuppressed snicker and shooed the make-believe cowpoke away with a hoof. “Run along now, ya empty-headed fruitcake!”

A gaggle of gossipers tittered at the sight of their sheriff being put in his place. The eccentric stallion harumphed and trotted away quickly to avoid any further embarrassment, his spurs jingle-jangling as the leather strips of his chaps bounced flamboyantly. Plum giggled contently and shook her head. “Well now, I believe I had somethin’ to show ya!”

As the two walked, an expansive orchard came into view, the greenest thing Leaky had seen since she began her journey. Plump and purple fruit hung low from the branches, with nearly every tree carrying this welcome burden.

Leaky was brought to her flanks out of sheer amazement. “How did... how did you make all this?”

Plum Pudding rubbed her hoof on her dress then examined her faux-polished hoof playfully. “Hard work and dedication, Leaky. Any pony can do wonders with those two.” She nudged Leaky’s side. “Plus a few spells and talismans I found lying around. A little magic never hurt a cause, eh?” She giggled at her own joke and sighed in contentment. “It wasn’t always like this, though. When our ancestors back in Stable 30 came out of their hole in the ground, this place was just as barren as the rest of this awful wasteland!”

“Plumwood came from a Stable?” asked Leaky.

“Yahuh!” chirped Plum. “Farmin’ based Stable, from what I recall. Equipped with pretty much everythin’ one would need to grow crops anywhere, even a giant metal coffin that doesn’t get sunlight or barren badlands that want ta’ kill ya!” She stared admirably at the green ocean in front of them, contrasted by the horrid shade of dead brown that surrounded them otherwise. “Those goobers at Stable-Tec only gave the ponies of Stable 30 five years worth of food, and they were expected to grow the rest themselves. Jokes on them, we came out pretty alright, I’d say!”

‘More than alright’ she thought, dumbstruck.

“We’ve known nothin’ but hard, honest work and mutual co-operation. We haven’t even had a town disagreement here in over a decade! As a result, we have enough crops here to last us year-round, whatever we don’t eat ourselves, we trade and sell to caravans. Quite the profitable business!”

“What type of crops?” croaked out Leaky, still in awe.

“Plums, mostly!” she chirped.

Of course.

“We do also grow corn and apples, but they’re not as big, or juicy, or sweet, or tender...” She began to drool slightly before shaking her train of thought back on track. “Now then! I believe you had something you wanted to ask of our little town?”

Leaky suddenly felt embarrassed at remembering her goal. It was a lot to ask.

“Well... I’m on a mission, of sorts...” she began.

“Ooh! How eventful!” interrupted the chipper mare.

“I come from a place far back west. We need food, shelter, a place to stay... everything that kept us there is quickly running out. I know it’s a lot to ask--”

The mayor raised her hoof, silencing Leaky. “How many ponies, dearie.”

Leaky cringed slightly and muttered. “Almost a thousand…?”

“Oh my...”

“But we’re willing to trade our water talismans and our nuclear reactor for this intrusion. With both, your town can thrive even with the added load of all our people, not to mention that we are readily willing to commit the stallions of our group to whatever hard labor you might need.”

“Water talismans, eh...? And a nuclear reactor... that will be good for the winter...” Plum sat on the ground and put a hoof to her chin. “We have been meaning to expand... and we are lookin' for some workmen to expand the town...”

Leaky played with her hooves uncomfortably, waiting on the blue-haired earth pony that held the fate of her people in her hooves to make a town-altering decision.

Plum stomped those hooves to the ground. “Oh, what the heck. The more the merrier! Maybe with all of your people, we can finally put ol’ Plumwood up top! How does a hundred ponies every month sound? That would give us enough time to expand accordingly.”

Leaky’s heart leapt with joy at the news. “That’s wonderful! Thank you so very much, Mrs. Pudding!” She hugged the mayor, squeezing her tight.

“Oof! Careful, dearie! Ha! No one can talk things over to the folks of Plumwood if ya squeeze me to death!”

“Heh... sorry...” Leaky stepped back from the mayor.

“No worries sweetie, everypony needs a big ‘ol hug now and then, and I was due for my next one!” She stepped over to Leaky and looked up to the twilight sky. “Now then. It’s almost night, doncha’ think? Flanamingos are especially terrible after dusk. We can’t have you out and about with all those beasties out there, especially in your condition! Why doncha’ stay here for the night and stock up, and you can go tell yer folks in the mornin’ that they can come on over in about a week or so?”

Leaky nodded profusely. “Yes, I’ll do that. Thank you, Mrs. Pudding, thank you so much.”

Plum scoffed and waved a hoof. “Nonsense, sweet pea! It’s the neighborly thing to do, after all! Now then. We have a spare room at the motel right over thereby. I’d be honored if you stayed there until mornin’ comes around. All amenities provided, o’ course.”

“Sounds good, Mrs. Pudding,” Leaky was riding a great high.

“Oh, and of course dearie, one last request,” started Plum. “Well, two actually.”

“Anything, Mrs. Pudding,” nodded Leaky.

“That’s the spirit!” chirped the mare. Her face suddenly went grim. “So. We captured a beastie the other day. Nasty thing. Tore right through four of our caravan workers. I implore ya to stay away from the supply shed marked with a big red ‘X’. For yer own safety, of course.” Her trademark grin came back just as suddenly as it went. “Right! Well. The second! We’ve had a mighty awful radroach infestation as of late. Seeing as these buggies are immune to most magic and poisons, our exterminator used a spell that teleported them all in one place until we can find a way to kill ‘em all in one swoop. So don’t go there unless you like creepy crawlies!”

Leaky shivered. She remembered when a radroach crawled on her face in Stable 16 while she slept, and how all her legs were pinned by the sleeping ponies in the hallway around her so she couldn’t get it off. The radroach stayed on her face for almost a full minute. Her dad claimed she was never the same after that.

“Don’t worry, I won’t...” She was more curious about the creature they caught. As much as she hated to admit it, the encounter with the flanamingo back at the plain had left her fascinated by the mutations the wasteland had made. Training had only scratched the surface of what The Outside was capable of.

“Wonderful! Now, you must be starved, you poor thing!”

Leaky hadn’t noticed, but she was shaking from hunger. Perhaps excitement? She nodded.

“Well, let’s get that sorted out then! We have the best chef in all the Zona. Well, so he says! If you could cook with the hot air that pony blows out of his ears, you wouldn’t need a nuclear reactor!” She snorted and chortled heartily, before stomping the ground. “Goodness, I kill myself!”

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“Holy moley...”

Leaky had never seen so much food in her life. A dining table that stretched as far as the expansive room was stacked high with all kinds of edibles. Plum salad, plum-marinated beef, plum juice, plum cake... and those were just the plum themed ones. Her mouth salivated as the air hung thick with sweet and savory smells, paying little mind to the countless excited side-conversations about the new visitor that saved their mayor earlier.

CLINK CLINK!

The conversations died down as Plum politely tapped a spoon she held in her teeth to a glass full of what Leaky half-believed was plum wine. She nodded appreciatively at the crowd, then began. “I have a few things to tell you all, if ya’d let me. Really quick, I promise.”

She cleared her throat and adjusted her prim and proper light-blue mane. “Now then. I’m sure ya’ve heard talk about a possible expansion and, well, this perky pony right here next to me.” She lifted a hoof towards Leaky, who blushed intensely at the sudden attention. “So I’ve called this here feast with Plumwood’s more important citizens to make an announcement: I have decided to take the ponies of Stable 16 in as our own.”

A slight murmur raised among the room, the looks of concerns washing over the seated ponies. Leaky slid down in her seat. Things were going badly, she just knew it. “Ya, I know, I know,” continued Plum as an aura of confidence radiated around her. “It’s a lot to ask for from our little town.”

The room nodded in agreement before being cut off again by Plum’s sprightly voice. “But I assure ya all, the benefits they provide more than outweighs the strain they’ll put on Plumwood; I’ve been offered use of their technology. Pipbucks, water talismans, nuclear frikkin’ reactors… even the corridors and rooms of Stable 16 are lined with precious metals we can strip and use. And that’s just the tech! We will also have a working force of over six hundred and fifty stallions at our disposal, and you know all know badly we’ve needed ponies to tend the orchard, don’cha?” Plum winked at nopony in particularly and smiled. “As well as our orchards, aren’t I right gals?”

Scandalous tittering rose amongst the dining room. Leaky raised a hoof slowly. “Y-Yeah. Genetic diversity and all.”

Plum chuckled and shook her head. “Yer a peach, Leaky.” Her head shot up in realization. “Oh! And this here bundle of heroism is Leaky Faucet, representative of Stable 16 and overall hero. She selflessly dove in front of the very same flanamingo that took the life of Pots, the poor filly who ran away this mornin’. May the Goddesses Luna and Celestia take her on as their own.” The ponies in the room nodded and let out various words of regret and mourning.

“Tonight is not the time fer stuffy debates and such. We’ll do all that boring bit o’ business tomorrow. Tonight is time for celebration, for both the future assimilation of Stable 16 into the fine town of Plumwood...” Plum grandly waved a hoof at Leaky and smiled warmly. “And fer Leaky Faucet, to whom I owe a great debt to that I can never repay. Here’s ta’ you!”

Plum grasped her glass with her mouth and knocked the drink back, somehow splashing none of the wine on her or decorative frilled dress. “Let’s eat!”

Leaky’s heart jumped at the word “eat”. She was starved. She had been eyeing the food all evening. Strict rations all her life, despite her newfound need to eat for two made it hard to believe that this was really all hers. The ponies around her helpfully passed giant platefuls of food around as others gladly served themselves. Cheerful conversations about picking out new clothes to greet the new arrivals and other pleasantries quickly filled the air in between polite bites.

Even out here in The Outside, the ponies of Plumwood ate better than the sheltered dwellers of Stable 16, and were all that much nicer for it. No squabbling for scraps, no fear of riots or burglaries, no wondering how far you should space out your “meals” to make them last longer.

Leaky’s train of thought was interrupted by a chubby mare with a wavy purple mane placing a plateful of food before her. She smiled sweetly and displayed a mouthful of metal inlayed in her teeth. “Thanks fer savin’ our mayor, puddin’. Dunno what we’d do without ‘er.”

Opening her mouth to thank the mare, Leaky just ended up gaping at the portions in front of her. This had to be at least two times more than what she usually ate in a regular week. A thick, succulent steak was surrounded by mountains of sides. Steamed carrots and pureed sweet potatoes sat seductively on her plate as fluffy rolls released delicate, buttery steam that made her nose tingle. Her magic nearly faltered as she cut off a piece of the steak with a shaky knife and saw it release juices like she used to fantasize about when reading old pre-war griffin cookbooks. She brought the meat, utensil and all, to her salivating mouth.

Her eyes went wide at her first taste as flavors she’d only fantasized of before swam over her tongue. A small moan escaped her throat as she chewed, savoring the feeling of the rich juices sliding across her tongue, brought to life by the kick of peppercorn. She greedily spooned up a mouthful of carrots and pureed sweet potatoes next, desperate to fill her waiting stomach for the first time in her life. She tried to swallow, but ended up just sputtering instead.

“Woah, slow down there Leaky!” chortled Plum Pudding as she began buttering a roll. “I haven’t even seen a flanamingos with an appetite like that!”

“Ahghf… Sorrf..." Leaky finished swallowing her mouthful of food and wiped her mouth with a foreleg. “Sorry, Mrs. Pudding… It’s just… I’ve never had food like…” She almost lost her train of thought as she looked back to her plate, the succulent juices shining seductively at her. “...this.”

“Oh?” began Plum as she took a polite bite out of the piece of bread. “Why’s that, dearie? Don’t ya eat well over there?”

Leaky looked around at the townsponies, all happily pacing their bites between conversations. “Not at all... the Overmare tells us we've been on rations since before she came to office. We've always had more mouths than feed, really, more than we could handle.”

Plum gasped and put a hoof to her mouth. “Dear me! No wonder you folks are in such a hurry to get out of there!” She put the bread down and walked over to Leaky, putting a hoof on her shoulder. “Eat slower, dear. Have you ever tried cleaning up a plate with bread before? It gives yer stomach a break if you’re not used to eating like this.”

She nodded and tore off a hunk of bread, sweeping it across the plate to sop up the juices. The mayor sat back on her chair and scowled at some tittering onlookers before retraining her attention at Leaky.

“So, dearie,” Plum leaned on the table with both forelegs and propped her head up with her hooves. “Tell me a bit about Stable 16.”

Leaky nibbled on the edge of the crust. She hadn't expected just how tasty the bread could be. “There’s… not much to tell, I think. We’ve been under strict rationing for as long as anypony could remember. There's the rations, and the overpopulation, and the...” Leaky trailed off, unsure if telling her host of Stable 16’s tendency for riots was a sound idea, especially if the inhabitants of the Stable were to migrate over to her town. She took another mouthful of food.

“The what?” Plum smiled a warm lipped smile.

“You know... just… civil unrest.” Somehow, downplaying the situation felt worse than lying. “My grandmother said that, back when the Overmare first put started the rations, the ponies were so angry that they busted down the door to her office, hacking her terminal to prove that she was just hiding the food for herself. Instead, they stumbled on the greatest secret of the Stable...”

“Ooh, what kind?”

Leaky leaned in and looked around at the jovial, clueless ponies around her and whispered. “They learned that since it was built, Stable-Tec hid a talisman somewhere around Stable 16 that released some kind of chemical into the vents. It was supposed to make mares more fertile, and made males more... potent, I guess, and halve pregnancy times. As you can guess, population got out of control really fast... ”

“Interestin’...” pondered Plum, crossing her forelegs. “Could ya maybe bring that over here too? Maybe with that talisman of yers, repopulation of the wastes in general would be much faster! Put our orchards in overdrive, so to speak, eh?” She winked at the obliviously nodding Leaky..

After a moment, Leaky leaned out of the conversation and focused on her plate of food, already starting to get cold. ”Doubt it, Mrs. Pudding. Ponies have tried looking for the talisman, but it’s too well-hidden.” She picked up a piece of bread in her telekinesis, but talk of her dying Stable was putting her off even this. “Since it first closed one-hundred and sixty years ago, Stable 16 went from completely underpopulated to nearly max capacity.”

“What about weapons?” barked a stallion as he approached from behind Plum. His oversized chef hat was sitting neatly on top oh his also oversized ten gallon hat.

Leaky almost choked on her food as she sputtered. “Sheriff Stu?”

The gaudily-dressed stallion harumphed and sat beside his mayor. Interestingly, he wore an apron above his flashy cowpoke costume.

Plum snorted and covered her muzzle. “Fer cryin’ out loud, Beef Stew! Do ya HAFTA wear that redonkulous get-up all the time?!”

The sheriff blushed and removed the chef’s hat from his headwear. “I take mah job very seriously, May’r Plum.”

“Apparently not, you half-cooked potato!” she laughed loudly and held her belly. “And stop with the accent! She already knows yer a big heapin’ phony!”

The stallion snatched his ten-gallon from his head and crossed his arms. “Fine. My question still stands. What good is your stable in a fight?”

With the uncomfortable topic of her dying Stable behind them, Leaky felt her hunger return. She served herself more carrots and brought a spoonful of them up to her mouth. “I don’t know about any of that, Sheriff Stu… Most of our good weapons were sent off with the first wave of volunteers a few months ago. No one ever came back, so whatever happened to them--Goddesses bless them--the same happened to their supplies.” She looked down at her cracked, scratched armor and the worn pistol strapped to her flank, thankful that at least she had the elegant machete strapped to the other flank to save her from the flanamingo on the plateau, some priceless heirloom requisitioned for her mission. “The second wave, my wave, got by with whatever the Overmare could find, even if that meant taking supplies from other ponies. We were told they were ‘donations’, but we knew what it meant. We were really scraping the bottom of the barrel for what we have... ”

The corner of Sheriff Stu’s mouth twisted. “So yer useless. In an event of an attack, all you’d be is a higher body count.”

“Alright, that’s enough outta you!” shouted Plum as she slammed her hooves into the dining room table. The longhouse went silent as prying eyes leaned over each other, curious as to what the commotion was. A single strand of the mayor’s pristine light-blue mane fell out of place as her eyes shot daggers at the suddenly cowering cook-turned-sheriff.

Plum realized the ponies around her were stopping their meals and gossip to stare at her. She straightened her back and fixed her mane before smiling sweetly at the stallion. “Now, Sheriff, I believe the party you sent out to Bone Spur Flats has retrieved Pot’s body by now, I would highly appreciate it if ya would bury her in the park near town hall. Now, if you may.”

The sheriff faltered once before putting his hat back on and taking off his apron. “Of course, Mayor Plum.” He tilted his hat forward and hurriedly walked out of the longhouse, eager to get away from the eyes following him out.

“Alright, alright, nothin’ to see,” started Plum. “Just a little friendly misunderstanding, is all. Back to eating, shall we?”

The ponies in the room slowly resumed their chatter and clattering of plates, rumors about the unfortunate sheriff already flying.

Plum turned to a quiet Leaky, still recovering from Plum’s outburst. She smiled again, as warmly as ever. “Try the plum cake, dearie. It’s a Plumwood delicacy.”

*************************************************************************************************

‘I shouldn’t have eaten the plum cake...’

Leaky stumbled out of the longhouse and took a long inhale of the brisk, smoky night air. It did little to alleviate how painfully stuffed she was. It was a pleasant feeling, nonetheless.

“Maybe next time you’ll leave some scraps for the dogs!” playfully chided Plum, nowhere near as full as Leaky. “Get some sleep, dearie! We both got a long day ahead of us tomorrow!”

Leaky just burped in response, immediately covering her mouth with her hoof in embarrassment. Plum chuckled. “Just ten months and all of yer people can eat like that. See ya in the mornin’ when you head off, dearie. May the Goddess Luna grant you blissful sleep and all that jazz.”

She waved goodnight to the mayor and stumbled on over to her motel room. Even with an appetite for two, she was full enough for an entire town.

She opened the door to her room and collapsed on the bed, exhausted from day’s events. Her room was nice, if a bit small by Plumwood standards, but it was a luxury for Leaky. She took off her Stable barding with a groan and tossed the armor on the floor. Leaky’s ears focused on the pleasant white noise of a sleepy town provided in its last waking moments; a squeaky wagon rolling along a particularly pebble-ridden road, a small dog barking from a window, businessponies closing up the hatches to their shop. Nights at the Stable were always either really noisy or really quiet, but this was just perfect.

I could get used to this.

All at once, the high she was riding came down. Leaky’s eyelids grew dim, and she yawned a final time before clicking on her Pipbuck radio to lull her to sleep.

“--orrow’s weather forecast reads… Oh, who am I kidding. It’s going to be hot. It’s always fucking hot out here. ‘Cept when it’s night. I can feel icicles dangling off my flank as we speak.

“But fret not, ponyfriends. I’m in a good mood tonight. Don’t know why. Chalk it up to that full moon you can see poking from the cloud cover. Turning me into a werepussy or some shit.

“In any case, let me warm your cold black hearts a bit with something sweet and slow. For now, this is your favorite oozing primordial slime Muckracker, asking you, yes YOU: is love in the air, or is raining asbestos again?”

“♫My love must be a kind of blind love

I can't see anyone but you~

Are the stars out tonight?

I don't know if it's cloudy or bright

I only have eyes for you, dear~♫”

Author's Note

Art made by tits-tastic McSweezy
https://derpiboo.ru/942084?scope=scpe5df434c7f4d3cd03d44fe3cce4f152a2c47f2040