Ping Pong Just Got 20% Cooler

by Roxxi

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Pinkie Pie
Length: 3340

Two ponies face off in what could be the single greatest match of ping pong in all of Equestria.

Two ponies face off in what could be the single greatest match of ping pong in all of Equestria. When the Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament reaches the finals, all of Equestria will witness showdown of epic proportions between Pinkie "The Paddle" Pie, an up and coming rookie prodigy, and the reigning champion Rainbow "The Smash Queen" Dash. When these two legends meet, what will happen, who will win, and the question that haunts us all, how the hay are they holding the paddles with no hands?!

Published 2012-05-27 20:44:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-05-27 20:44:01 UTC

Equestria World Ping Pong Champion Tournament

The Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament

"Alright Equestria, This year's tournament has been something really special!" An excited small purple and green dragon exclaimed into a microphone, his voice projected through a very fancy speaker system that had been set up in the stadium for just this occasion. "There were some very talented ponies this year, but the two ponies in the finals are a cut above the rest! Before the final match begins, we have to thank our sponsors, Dan Seehoofer, owner of the the Equestrian Ping Pong Pony Emporium and 5-time EWPPCT Champion, for donating the equipment necessary to make an event such as this happen! DJ Pon-3 for allowing us to use her amazing sound system! And the princesses of Equestria, Princess Celestia and Princess Luna!" The earth pony, unicorn, and alicorns in question all stood and took a bow in the VIP booth, high above the crowd.

The crowd, which looked to be all of Equestria in fact, neighed and stomped their hooves in wild cheering for the sponsors, the competitors, and the sheer joy in making loud noises. Spike waited momentarily for the crowd to settle down before continuing.

"Now the moment you've all be waiting for... The Final Match of the Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament!" Spike shouted into the microphone, almost drowned out by another round of cheering from the spectating ponies in the stands. "Introducing a newcomer to the professional circuit, a rookie with spunk, smiles, and skills that thrill, Pinkie... "The Paddle"... PIE!!!"

The spectators went into another wave of frenzied cheering, as a bubble gum pink earth pony bounced into the arena, waving enthusiastically to the crowd. A large, 4-screened monitor above the center of the arena showed various images and clips of the pink prodigy taking various acrobatic leaps to make incredible saves and returns as she approached the table, still bouncing the whole way.

The lights dimmed to almost nothing, and faint guitar riffs could be heard coming from seemingly nowhere as the sports announcing dragon again waited for the crowd to settle down, which after the lights were cut, took no time.

"Introducing a pegasus who needs no introduction but insisted on one anyways, a mare with moves that set the table ablaze, put crowds on pins and needles, and can only be described as "Awesomely Radical", your reigning champion... Rainbow... "The Smash Queen"... DASH!!!" Spike all but roared as the crowd was becoming too loud for him to be heard.

An insanely fast guitar riff came on as a blur of rainbow-colored speed shot around the arena, giving high-hooves and hoof bumps to the out of control fans, all while the monitor above showed clips of the pegasus pro delivering jaw-dropping shots. She touched down at the other end of table, posing a few times for the photographer ponies to snap photos of her.

"Heh, don't think I'm gonna take it easy on you just because we're friends Pinks." Dash grinned at the pink earth pony across from her. Pinkie giggled and grinned back.

"Silly Dashie, I'm gonna win this tournament Pinkie Pie style! Then I'll be the premiere party ping pong pony of Ponyville!" Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing even more at the thought of all the parties she could host in celebration of her future win.

"Competitors, are you ready?" A unicorn in a referee's uniform asked, his magic holding a coin and ball in the air. "The winner of the toss will decide who serves first!" He exclaimed, using his magic to throw the coin high in the air. "Call!"

"Heads!" The cyan pegasus quickly shouted. "Sides!" The pink earth pony yelled in response.

"Sides? Pinkie Pie, you are so random, there's no way-" Dash was cut off as the coin hit the table and landed perfectly vertical on its side. "....What the hay?!?!?" she bellowed in disbelief.

The referee turned to the widely smiling Pinkie Pipe. "Your choice miss?" The ball floated to her slowly, but she pushed it away. "I think Dashie should serve, she IS the current champion after all!"

Dash took the ball in her free hoof. "Uh.. Thanks Pinkie.. But I'm still gonna smash you flat! I'll show you that I'm 20% more awesome than you in ten seconds flat!" She raised the ball and looked at the referee, who backed away and shouted. "BEGIN!!!"

The spotlights in the arena focused on the two ponies at the center. "Well my worthy opponent, are you prepared to ping the pong?" Dash asked, a determined look on her face. Pinkie Pie blinked and giggled.

"Rainbow Dash, we're here to play ping pong, not ping any pongs!" She snorted with laughter, causing Rainbow Dash to scratch the back of her head with the paddle in her hoof in embarrassment.

"Right, whatever, let's play already!" Dash shook her head to get focused again and tossed the ball in the air before smacking it across the table. "Take that!"

"That's okay, you can keep it Dashie!" the pink pony smiled as she smacked the ball back to Dash. With her eyes shut tight to boot. Dash was taken off guard by the display and consequently let the ball bounce off her side and to the floor.

"Point; Pinkie Pie!" The Referee shouted, floating the ball back to Rainbow Dash, as the monitor displayed a score of 0-1 in Pinkie Pie's favor. The still shocked pegasus stood still for a moment before regaining her composure and taking the ball. "You got me that time Pinkie, but it sure as hay ain't gonna happen again!" Dash growled, throwing the ball up and smacking it to Pinkie.

The party pony just smiled and smacked the ball back, being oddly silent. Dash smirked, now that she was focused again, she was going to stomp Pinkie Pie like a weather pegasus stomps clouds into vapor.

The crowd could only watch in awe as the ball whizzed back and forth, neither pony giving any ground. The pink earth pony, grinning wide on the 32nd return of the ball, suddenly smacked the ball harshly while spinning, causing the ball to curve wildly and bounce off the table at an angle.

"Oh no you don't!" The cyan pegasus shouted as she leapt at the ball, giving a fierce swing at the ball, sending it rocketing back to the table. Pinkie Pie was just a second to slow, thinking she had the point, and scrambled to save the ball, but it struck just outside of her lunge on the table and ricocheted towards the wall.

"Point; Rainbow Dash!" The unicorn referee shouted, the score now 1-1, as the ball floated to Pinkie Pie this time.

"Ha! Told ya Pinks, this game is mine!" Dash crowed, arrogantly grinning at the pony across from her.

"Yeah, you sure earned that point Dashie, good shot!" The ever smiling Pinkie replied, preparing for her serve.

2 hours, 37 minutes, and 22 seconds later

"Okay everypony, this has been an intense match so far! With the score at 999-999, a dead tie, a sudden-death rule has been put into effect by the Princesses! The next point will decide this year's Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament champion!!!" Spike excitedly yelled into the microphone, the spectating ponies going into a frenzy at the news, neighing, whinnying, stomping hoofs, some airhorns being set off, and just generally yelling in excitement.

"*puff* You.. You're tough Dashie, really tough... I *puff* I don't think I can even remember a time when I had this much fun.." The pink earth pony panted, the strain of the game starting to show on her face. The pegasus across the table was equally winded.

"Yeah... This is... way intense Pinks... Who.. Whoever wins is really gonna.. Gonna be the champ.." The cyan pegasus gasped, her exhaustion was apparent as well.

"Okay everypony, it has been decided that a quick 15 minute intermission will be held to allow the competitors a quick break, and for the spectators to grab food or collectable memorabilia." Spike announced, a trace of excitement still lingering in the young dragon's voice. The arena cleared out as the spectators went to take stall breaks, stretch, and buy food and trinkets. The ponies at the center of the arena shuffled into their respective locker rooms to recharge.

15 Minutes Later

"Aaaaaaand we're back! The intermission was brought to you by Griffonade! Griffonade, is it in you? Now Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie are returning to the arena for the concluding match of this truly exciting event!" The eager dragon rambled on for a few more minutes, quoting the stats and other interesting tidbits about the two ping pong powerhouses as they were indeed making their way back to the center of the arena.

"Alright Pinkie Pie, you ready to settle this? 'Cause I am, and I'm not going home without my trophy!" Dash exclaimed, looking as determined to win as ever. She stepped up to the table, paddle in hoof, ready to put everything on the table, so to speak.

"You betcha Dashie! Pinkie Pie is gonna show you why she, Pinkie Pie, is the greatest Ping Pong Pony in Ponyville, neigh! In all of Equestria! And Pinkie Pie is gonna do it Pinkie Pie style!" Pinkie shouted confidently, putting her hoofs on her hips in a defiant pose.

"Pinkie Pie, you are so random!" Dash chuckled, taking the ball from the referee, who quickly backed away, leaving only the two rival friends at the center of the crowded arena.

"BEGIN!" the unicorn referee shouted at them. Dash tossed the ball up, drew her hoof back, and slammed her paddle into the ball, sending it careening towards the earth pony and the other end of the table.

Pinkie Pie countered with a powerful backhoof, the ball launching back at the pegasus. Dash wasn't going to let that slip by returned the ball with a violent slam, the ball once again rocketing to the other side, catching just inside the line and bouncing towards the wall.

"HA! I win Pinkie! There's no way-" Dash was taunting before she stopped midsentence as pinkie speed backwards and shouted the name of her next move.

"Okie Dokie Lokie Lob!" Pinkie declared as she smacked the little white ball high in the air, its arc sending it back to Dash's side. Dash just grinned, Pinkie Pie wanted to play that way? Fine, Dash would just show Pinkie that she was also the best Ping Pong Player as well as the best Flier in Equestria.

"Slipstream Slam!" Dash shouted, leaping up to meet the ball, slamming it back down to the unguarded table with an audible crack. Pinkie raced back to the table, paddle drawn back for the return strike.

"Take this! Cupcake Chop!" the pink earth pony yelled, spinning fast and smashing the ball, giving it a wicked spin, making it hit the center of Dash's side and spin off to the left at wide angle. The multicolored mare flew at the ball, swinging hard with her own whirlwindish spin, again sending the ball whizzing to Pinkie's side with a vengeance. "Twister Topspin!" Dash shouted when the hit connected, the ball striking the table low and fast, zipping beneath her opponent's foreleg.

"Pinkie Pie Power Push Pop-up!" the cotton candy colored earth pony howled, leaping backwards, catching the little white blur with a monstrous blow, the ball engulfed in a small fire as it struck the table, sending out a shower of sparks as it made a ninety-degree vertical climb, smoke and flames trailing behind. Dash gave a mighty flap of her wings and sailed up to the fireball, and time seemed to slow down.

The airborne pegasus breathed deeply, everything going quiet in her mind, the only sound she heard was her heart beat. She drew her paddle back, an after image trailed her movements, and when her back swing reached its peak, her eyes snapped open and the roar of the crowd came rushing back to her as she swung with all the power her muscles could give her.

"Sonic Spiral Spectrum Rainboom Smash Shot!!!" Dash bellowed, her swing connecting with a boom, a ripple of color blasting out from the ball as it reached super-sonic speeds, a twisting contrail of bright rainbow colors was the only indication of the blurring ball's ballistic path towards the table. Pinkie Pie raced back to the table, frantic to catch the ball.

The ball struck the table and a brilliant flash of color filled the arena. The once deafening cheers of the crowd were overpowered by a thunderous boom. When the arena dimmed back to a level where sight wasn't painful, The spectators, Spike, and the VIP sponsors in the booth opened their eyes to a shocking sight. The ping pong table had been smashed to pieces, and colored burn marks covered the center of the arena. The pink earth pony was plastered to the wall, and her cyan pegasus rival was standing on wobbling legs.

"Point.... RAINBOW DASH!" The referee, who had been smart enough to wear Spectrum Sun Shades, the only eye protection approved for light displays like the one that had been born of Rainbow Dash's attack, shouted, unnecessarily, as the crowd was stone quiet, which then drove the crowd into a frenzied frenzy of frenzied cheering, whooping, stomping, shouting, and screaming.

Rainbow Dash chuckled and dragged herself over to Pinkie Pie and stuck out her hoof. "G.. Good game Pinks.. Ya really gave me a... a tough time.." She coughed and grinned at the earth pony, who took her hoof and pulled herself off the wall, an indent left in the wall from her collision into it. "W-wow Rainbow Dash.. That.. Was... AMAZING!!! The way you made the ball go all techno lighty and it went WHOOSH!!! and BA-BOOOOOOOM!!!! And I was all 'No! I have to stop it!' But I was too slow and it broke the table after it bounced and blew by me! It was the most colorifically spectacular thing I've EVER seen! I mean besides YOUR Sonic Rainboom that is! That was like a baby Sonic Rainboom, but it was still so.. so... AMAZINGLY AMAZINGTASTIC!!!!!!" Pinkie exclaimed, with a renewed vigor that left Dash wondering where she got all that energy.

"Pinkie Pie, you are SO random!" Dash laughed and slapped a hoof on Pinkie's back, who had to help her up to the winner's circle since she couldn't really support her own weight.

Winner's Circle, Award Ceremony

"My little ponies, it the great honor of my sister and myself to award the top three competitors in this tournament for their efforts and dazzling displays of skill!" Princess Celestia smiled serenely as her younger sister nodded in agreement. "In third place, Twilight Sparkle!" Twilight blushed slightly at the cheers for her third place achievement. She hadn't expected to come so far, she didn't even get to finish Ping Pong Professional's Guide to Professional Ping Pong, Vol. 3 after all. She accepted the bronze medal Princess Luna slipped around her neck with her magic. "In second place, Pinkie *small laugh* "The Paddle" Pie!" Pinkie Pie, clapped and bounced around happily, making it difficult for the moon princess to loop the silver medal around her neck, resolving to hold her down with her magic as she passed the medal and a trophy of a silver paddle to the pink party pony. "And your Grand Champion of the Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament, Rainbow *another small laugh* "The Smash Queen" Dash!" Rainbow Dash bowed and struck heroic looking poses for the thunderingly loud cheering fans before leaning down so Princess Luna could place the gold medal around her neck and pass her an ornately decorated golden trophy of two ponies playing ping pong.

"And that concludes this year's Equestria World Ping Pong Championship Tournament! Thank you all so very much for attending and supporting your fellow ponies!" Princess Celestia waved to the crowd as the Royal Guards pulled the chariot away, taking herself and her sister back to the castle.

Ponyville, Sugarcube Corner

A party was in full swing at the town's main bakery, with a banner inside that read "Congratulations Rainbow Dash On Winning The Super Awesome Ping Pong Game, And Better Luck Next Time Pinkie Pie!"

"Ah tell you what, that sure was somefaaaancy paddling ya'll did back there!" Applejack exclaimed, taking a swig of cider, and patting the two ping pong ponies on their backs.

"Gosh Applejack! That's super duper sweet of you to say! Almost as sweet the Cake's Marzapan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!" Pinkie Pie giggled, sweeping the orange farm pony up in a lung crushing hug.

"I agree, you were both simply dazzling! The beauty of your spectacular showdown was simply the Best! Possible! Thing! I must make you both celebratory gowns to commemorate this event!" Rarity gushed, thinking of all the wonderful designs she could draw up.

"Uhhhh, yeah, I'm gonna pass on the dress Rarity, but you're totally right! I was so awesome back there!" Rainbow Dash boasted, swelling out her chest.

"You both.. Um.. Did very well... I was cheering as loud as I could for you... Like this." Fluttershy drew in a deep breath. "Yay!" The shy pegasus squeaked, barely above an inside voice. Everypony laughed good naturedly, and Fluttershy blushed sheepishly and hid behind her mane.

"You know, the only pony I didn't remember seeing there was Derpy Hooves." Twilight Sparkle mused thoughtfully. Dash waved a hoof dismissively at Twilight. "Derpy probably got caught up with muffins, or just got lost or something. You know how she is Twi'." Dash said, snagging a few more cupcakes.

The party lasted for a few more hours, and eventually everypony returned to their respective homes, except Pinkie Pie, who actually lived at Sugarcube Corner, so she had nowhere to return really.

The Valley of Valor, The Mare's Mane Mountain Range

A slate colored mare with a light green mane and bubbles for a cutie mark stood panting, a singed ping pong paddle in one hoof, the other clutching a rock to keep her steady. The area around her was littered with small holes, each looking like a drill had eaten through the mountain, scorch marks surrounding the holes. Her steely-eyed gaze slowly relaxed into a wall-eyed expression as she reached inside a saddle bag to pull out a muffin. She was about to take a bite when she noticed a cloaked pony step out of a cave.

"Ah Miss Hooves, I heard the commotion, I trust your training was fruitful?" A kindly old stallion's voice inquired to the mare.

Her eyes momentarily refocused and she grinned. "Yeah, it sure was Steel Grip, I think I've perfected the one move that can rival the 'Sonic Spiral Spectrum Rainboom Smash Shot'." Derpy Hooves nodded at the holes around her.

"And what will you call it, my student?" Steel asked, a sliver of a smile gracing his aged muzzle.

"I'm going to call it, the 'Derpy Dead Ball Double Drive Danger Zone Drop Shot'!" the slate mare grinned, her features were full of confidence and dreams of future glory.

The stallion chuckled warmly, a whimsical smile playing across his face. "Very well, I'll leave you to your muffin then Miss Hooves, and next year, you'll take the EWPPCT by storm." Steel Grip continued chuckling as he retreated to the cave he had appeared from.

Left to her own devices, Derpy Hooves took one look at the muffin in her hoof, and the razor-sharp visage instantly turned into a cross-eyed stare of unbridled love for the treat before her.

She took a bite, and it felt as if the universe had opened to her and given her the secrets of life, the answers to the mysteries nopony could answer, as if it connected her to the infinite expanses of the universe on a level no earth pony, unicorn, pegasus, alicorn, changeling, dragon, griffin, or even draconequus have ever or ever would experience.

"Muffin!"