One Too Many Fat Jokes

by Reykan

Rating: teen
Tags: Sex, Random, Princess Celestia, Alternate Universe, Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1053

She was patient with them, she knew they were only human, that they made mistakes. But this time they went too far.

Princess Celestia was one of their biggest fans, always drinking Coka-Cola. She even put up with the ridiculous amount of time it took to transfer funds, set up the portal, have the product delivered, and finally shipped to her private kitchen. But this? Oh, this time it was too much. This time they'd gone too far.

This came to me while passing a coke machine. It had the name Tia on one of the bottles.

This one's for you, Bendy.

Published 2015-08-22 22:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-22 22:50:02 UTC

How Dare You!

Muhtar Kent, CEO and Chairman of the Coca-Cola company, relaxed in his office on a sunny afternoon. He'd finished all of his meetings for the day, sorted through all the needed reports, signed a few documents, and was doing some stretching before a nice dinner. He was feeling sushi tonight.

"Mr. Kent, there's a, problem sir. Someone's hear to see you." The voice of his secretary came over the phone by his desk.

Muhtar frowned. "Send them away, I'm not seeing anyone else today."

"I've tried sir. She's been quite, uh, insistent." The secretary replied.

"Security?"

"She turned them into dolls, sir." He answered nervously. "Huh? Oh, sorry. Action figures."

Muhtar frowned. What kind of silliness was this? "Fine, send her in. I'll deal with it myself."

"Right away sir."

Moments later the door was thrown open, and in walked, of all things, a giant horse. It wasn't just a horse though, no it was fully equipped with a long sharp horn and large wings. The horse's mane and tail were a ridiculous pastel rainbow that billowed in an unseen wind, while her hair was an immaculate white that only weeks of bleaching and pampering could ever hope to attain.

By the large mare's side, don't ask him how he decided it was a she, it just seemed right, was another smaller horse, this one a unicorn with a saddle strapped to its back. The brown maned and pink haired unicorn was following with a paper and quill floating about her, nickering quietly to the larger horse.

To the CEO's surprise, the horse trotted right up to his desk, glared at him with the utmost hate, and snorted at him. Her horn glowed like the unicorns, and from one of the unicorns bags floated a grey bottle of coke. The mare slammed the bottle onto his desk before she spoke in a soft, furious voice.

"Mr. Muhtar, what in the name of all that is good is this?" The horse asked him.

He could only stare. It was speaking to him now? When did reality decide to take a vacation?

"I asked you a question, human. You find this funny?" She said, turning the bottle to display the name. In the same flowing script that the company had used for its logo for years, was written the name 'Tia'. He looked back at the mare, then back at the bottle.

"I, I'm sorry, miss, uh..." He said leadingly.

"Princess Celestia of Equestria. My friends call me Tia." The mare answered.

"I, I'm afraid I don't see what your issue is, ma'am." He said, sweat beginning to drip down his face. When did it get so warm in his office?

"You don't? Well, then. Let me enlighten you. I've drank your product for years. I stuck with the company through thick and thin, even after your damnable 'new coke' fiasco. When I first heard about the names on them, I thought it was a cute little thing to do. Then I started seeing this name around. Tia on Diet Coke's Tia on Coke Zeros." Her eyes narrowed on him. "Tell me, Mr Muhtar, is there something you're trying to tell me?"

"Ma'am, I'm afraid that the, uh, names are completely randomly selected. I promise you, I didn't do this purposefully!" He said, his suit now looking quite damp.

"Is that so? Because do you know what I find this to be?" she asked, before swinging her body around, aiming her giant butt at him. "You see this, Mr. Muhtar? Stallions across my country cry as I walk by, awed by the beauty contained in my buttocks. Mares weep in envy knowing that no matter what they do, their flanks will never be so supple, yet wondrously soft. Gods both young and old have visited me, just for the chance to see me walk, to watch my flank sway with my natural gait. And you, little human, have made a direct attack on an Equestrian treasure. You and your company have dared to insinuate that I should go on a diet." She fumed, her humongous butt shoved over his desk.

"Your lucky I'm forgiving" she said, turning back around. "I could see your company burned to the ground for what you did. Instead, I'm going to let the world know, I'm going to let your customers punish you. And do you know what else?"

The mare turned around, head held high in dismissal of the CEO. "I'm going to change my orders from Coke to the Pepsi company. I'm sure they'll be much kinder to me. Besides, I've heard it tastes better." With that the mare departed, the unicorn giving the man one last scowl before departing. Muhtar Kent sat in his chair for a few moments, the sweat dripping into a puddle on the floor, allowing the shock of the event to pass. Shakily, he reached over to the phone and buzzed his secretary.

"Sir? Are you alright? She just walked by. Turned the security back before she left, too." the slightly nervous man told him.

"I, I'm fine. I want you to clear the next week from my schedule. I'm going to take a vacation. I think by the end of it I should stop shaking."

<-(0)->

Nearby, sitting on a lawn chair that was floating in the air, Discord quietly sipped at his own drink, surprisingly drinking the contents, not the container. He chuckled as he watched the mare strut out of the office, barely withholding a wolf whistle at the sight of her exit. Truly he was blessed, originating in the same world as Her Royal Hindquarters. He didn't have to go far to see them, and it was always so kind of her to take walks in the garden during his imprisonment. The God of Chaos chuckled as he watched the human get up out of his seat and shakily walk out the door, certainly trailing a fairly large line of perspiration after the encounter.

"Poor Tia," he muttered, tossing the can over his shoulder and pulling a second from a nearby case. "still so far from true happiness. After all, everypony knows that Dr. Pepper is the superior drink."

Author's Note

I dedicate this one to one too many of Bendy's Celestia stories.