Hitler Invades FoE

by RainbowDash15

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Human, Dark, Alternate Universe, Comedy
Length: 3784

Crisis rocks Equestria, last defense, meanwhile on Earth, Hitler finds himself torn from his Reich and ends up lost in Equestria, and must embark on a mission to save the ponies from the Caribou.

Mudraynebow: This story has been written by the good members of The Group Dedicated To The Group Dedicated To Doing Whatever We Want Whenever We Want. I have simply gotten the honor of posting it, so, yeah…

Summary: A crisis rocks Equestria to it's core. The royal guards are on their last defensive to stop the oppressive Caribou. But meanwhile on Earth, a world war leaves devastation in its path. When Hitler finds himself torn from the Reich and lost in Equestria he must embark on a mission to save the ponies from the Caribou.

Authors/Editors:
Lord General
Butterkeet
Vlade
CastleRock
Alc4n4tor Potatoman
catfire13
decepticon soundwave
Kimba
Mudraynebow
Playing Card (12% credit)

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-22 08:42:51 UTC

chapter 1

Chapter 1

"NEIN!" Hitler yelped as he grabbed frantically for his last testicle. He wasn't sure what was happening, but by the gods he wanted to have that other ball intact. Sadly, no. ‘Twas not to be.

ENTER (penis) HITLER (thing)

   Hitler felt his heart racing; pain was apparent all around his body. He felt himself slipping away… He could’ve sworn he hadn’t taken that cyanide yet. The last thing he saw, was his lost testicle rolling away.

***

   Hitler awoke to the smell of luscious green grass. And screamed. Like a little girl. (triggered) His back ached, his legs ached, his head ached, and his neck ached. Looking around, he saw trees... lots and lots of trees. “Where the fuck am I?” he said in perfect English.

   “O-oh my.”

AT THE WHITEHOUSE

Jebediah Lonestar Magee marched through the ornate halls of the White House. The battle hardened six star general looked all business. "HIPPITY HOPPITY YEEHAW TARNATION! MISTUR PRESIDENT, OPERATION KILL HITLER WAS A SUCCESS!!!”

Or not.

The President and his midget-of-a-secretary-that-was-also-Asian facepalmed.

"Jebediah..." Began the president, then quickly being cut off by the general shooting his six shooters triumphantly, blowing holes in the wall.

    “YEAH SURRR!?!”

"We didn't kill Hitler."

“U WOT M8?!?!”

“We simply... Got rid of him."

The general spat out undigested-beer on the expensive carpet that could feed a village of African children. Taxpayer money had gone to a good cause yet again.

“FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-”

Then he suddenly stopped. And started again.

“‘MERICA’S GOING TO SHIT, I’LL TELL YOU HWAT! WE CAN’T EVEN KILL HITLER! NEXT THING YOU KNOW ALL THEM WOMEN AND NIGGERS ARE GONNA WANT RIGHTS! LAWD HAVE MERCYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!”

The president tried to calm the six star general down, "It's safe to say he isn't coming back. You see, our scientists developed a plot device cannon that effectively zapped him out of our world. We won't be hearing of him anytime soon." He said, his voice reeking of terrible story telling.

"THAT AIN’T ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” bitched the General, throwing his beer can against the wall.

"It will have to do for now, Hitler is far away. Very far." Said the president.

Meanwhile in ‘Questria

“FUS! RO! DAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!” Hitler shouted, holding out the H for an unnecessarily massive amount of time ending the video game reference with a hacking cough, hands out in front of him. The mysterious yellow pony squealed in fright. Hitler then realized this wasn’t a dragon, but a talking pony! “I’m sorry m’lady!” Hitler said, tipping his cap.

“Oh my, Darling you simply must stop yelling at ladies! It is far from attractive!" Suddenly a purple creature stumbled out of the brush

"R-R-RARITY! What was that noise and why are you suddenly yellow? ” it yelped.

“Magic DARLING!” she hotly replied, flicking her purple locks in the air.

“Oh.”

"WHAT ZE FUCK IST HAPPENING?!" yelled Hitler, confused more than ever.

“Dunno, lol.” said the small reptilian creature.

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" Replied Hitler.

MEANWHILE IN ‘MERICA

President used Plot Device! It was super effective!

BACK IN EQUESTRIA

"Darling!" The black unicorn drawled "I can't allow you to run about acting the way."

Poof!

Rarity was suddenly wearing a dominatrix outfit, the hopefully-fake-but-probably-not leather straps pressed tightly against her pink fur.

Hitler felt a terrible lump in his pants

"SSsso now I have to punish you!" She wickedly cracked the riding crop that she suddenly found in her hooves

Hitler did what any sane man would do, he ran the fuck away. He got a considerable distance from the crazy sex pony when he was intercepted by two very odd creatures; Caribou. They stood in front of him, pointing their stone age spears at his neck.

    “Zweet Mutter Klara’s fleshlight.”

    The Caribou looked at each other for a split second, then bowed at Hitler, dropping their crappily-made spears. Their dicks slapped noisily on the ground. Hitler facepalmed, then slowly backed away. . .

    . . . into the leather-bound dominatrix pony of doom.

    “Oh darling, there you are,~♪” she purred, “I was getting so, sooooooo worried.~♪ Now stand still so I can ride on you silly.~♪” she cracked her whip and pressed closer, totally ignoring the bowed over caribou.

    Hitler gulped, very obedient deer-thingies or evil  Multicolored dominatrix pony. He chose the. . .

"MEIN FÜHER!" Yelled a Nazi SS soldier, pointing his MP40 at the creepy sexy animals. "Ve thought ve lost you! Anne Frankly, I didn't have much optimism. . ."

Hitler saluted the soldier, he quickly returned it. "What about the rest of the bunker? Are they here too?"

chapter 2

___________________________________________

CHAPTER TWO HITLER HORSE PORN!

______________________________

(apologies about how wtf inducing this is, Butterkeet just started writing clop for no reason, we will shoot her) (shut up. I’m just way too hardcore for you N00b!) (YOU WANT SUM? DO YA?)

Hitler screamed and suddenly dropped the tiny little pink Teacup he was holding.TT “POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP"

Hitler suddenly fell to the ground twitching. He was in such pain. Why? Why? Why did his hands look so much bigger? His fingers all stubby and...pink. Those fingers disappeared right before his eyes. He started for a moment and lept to his hooves good god… the Natzi leader thought to himself I haz become… a FUCKING HORSE CREATURE?!?!?

He stumbled, his new stumpy pink legs unfamiliar to him. A lock of purple mane rushed against his full and rosy natzi cheeks. He was…… He was……… BEAUTIFUL! I mirror suddenly appeared nearby with a somewhat ominous but also still hilarious honking noise.

Adolf admired his new form, taking in the surprisingly elegant but short pink legs that led up to his deliciously rotund torso honhonhon. His mane was a straight and beautifully silky affair of the most lovely indigo color. His eyes were perfectly round and entirely black, with a number of thick and suspiciously long eyelashes that looked more like adorable spiders than anything even resembling eyes.

He had a ridiculously meaty and beautiful flank and under it… he craned his head to see what would inevitably be the most fabulously massive cock on the planet. What he was instead was disturbing. He saw… nothing. Nothing at all. He, in a panic, began feverishly rubbing the dull spot where his member should be. Even if it had no balls he still needed his dick! For some reason this friction was rather pleasant. He closed his eyes in pleasure or a few seconds, not even noticing that he had rolled over onto his back to allow himself better access. In a moment he opened his eyes curiously to inspect the clear goo coating his hoof.

Uncertainly he peeked past the appendage to find something even more horrifying than the nothing he saw last time he looked down there. He saw the light pink colour of his fur darken around the area where his dick should have been, being stained by the liquid thoroughly coating the area. The worse part was the clearly visible line of darker reddish pink that had become visible through the soft fur.

His, no her  jaw dropped in shock as Hitler stared at her newly acquired vagina. He craned his neck a bit to see the base of his tail being covered in the same colourless goo as the rest of his hindquarters. A fairly sizable puddle had formed around his plushly rotund ass, all leaking out of his vagina, twitching with desire.

“purrrrr~ Like your new body?” A magenta muzzle nose toward hitler's new slit, delicately flicking her tongue over its surface. (Wat)

“I love sex magic!~” She crooned in her cultured-sounding voice. Hitler let out an uncontrollably girlish squeal when the sexy pone rubbed his new clit with her weirdly long (but intriguingly soft) tongue. She walked forward and sat down on top of the drastically smaller filly’s chest, bending down to nibble her ear.

She whispered in a sultry tone “this new body of yours is very, very young” she ran her velvety tongue along the tiny pink face below her “practically a baby...and-”

Hitler squirmed desperately under her but it was no use. “a virgin” She cooed. A silvery hoof beckoned the caribou over

“boys!~ time to do your jobs!” One of the caribou walked over and smiled down at the two mares beneath his behemoth cock. Hitler shivered with both terror and arousal. He probably could have taken a monster cock like that as a human, but this new little bitty filly body? she desperately squirmed more. It was almost as big as her arm!

and now that the thing was up close…. her new pussy leaked an especially large glob of fluid into her steadily growing puddle. She noted that it was barely even at a half chub. She struggled but it was no use. The massive Caribou knelt down over the tiny filly, with a fiery red unicorn perched atop her chest. His massive head just barely bumped up against her tiny filly vaginal lips, sending shock waves through her whole entire form.

“K-KYAAAAAA!~” filly Hilter screamed “i-its t-t-too big!” She only got an indecipherable look before he pushed a little harder, just barely spreading her lips. “CARIBOU-SENPAI!!!”

Rarity went to work nibbling up and down Adolf’s little pink ears, eliciting various pitiful squeaking sounds from the little creature. Hitler’s pussy was unbelievably tight, the caribou could barely even slip his head in. He kept going though, steadily puuuuushing harder and harder. At some point his head was fully in and the small filly was making an oddly steady whine of a sound. huh… The caribou ignored it. He had an idea though, one that would make things a whole lot more enjoyable. Rarity’s mouth has attached itself to Adolf’s and she her hooves were rubbing the soft newborn fur on his chest. She felt Hitler desperately scream into her mouth as the caribou pulled back for a second before suYddenly plunging back in as far as he could go

"good lord, I dont think I can take much more…" Hitler felt like he was being torn in half by the monstrous pulsating cock inside him. Everything was so plush and cartoony this whole scene probably looked adorable from the outside, but that didn’t comfort Hitler. That Caribou thrusted like there was no tomorrow, splashing blood and filly cum everywhere. Hilter’s vagina had been all but ripped in two by the relentless fucking of sir Caribou. At some point and second caribou had started eating out the light blue unicorn who was still making out with her little filly-Hitler. The almighty snoop doge appeared,

"nigga what the fuck is this shit yo, 420 blaze it fgts," saying no more, snoop doggy doge left to smoke some dank memes.

Then he got kamikaze jet'd by Jihad John. It was too much… poor filly Hitler. With the force of one thousand sexually frustrated whales Sir Caribou came. Never before had there been such a tidal wave of cum. I washed through the tiny virgin filly’s body, filling her up. her ovaries, her stomach, her kidneys, all of hit came awash with cum.

At that very moment Jihad john was beside himself with jealousy. He could never take such a magnificent cock. In the throes of a rage he charged the tiny creature and made to behead her. Poor Jihad John. Poor Jihad John. He struck at exactly the wrong moment, releasing the torrential flood of cum with spurted through the filly’s newest hole. The force dying to be released from the mighty caribou cock blasted her Hitler head clean off her Hitler shoulders, sending it sailing through the air and into the distance. Sir Caribou groaned contentedly as the river of cum subsided into simply a steady stream of massive globs of sticky white fluid that flowed out of the neck stump that once supported such an ambitious head.

Jihad John had lost both of his arms in the explosion and was currently dashing about the area like a chicken whose head had been chopped off, which was ridiculous of course because he still had his head.

Adolf filly Hitler on the other hoof was a completely different story altogether. Her little pink neck stump, so clean and new just a moment ago, was now utterly drenched in cum (as was most of the surrounding landscape) and stained in a massive splat of blood. in fact, between the gushing river of blood leaving her poor little body and the flood of cum she was bathing in she hardly looked pink at all anymore. There were long ropes of muscle and sinew pulled out in front of the body, pointing in the direction her little chubby cheeked Nazi head had flown. A long and messy trail of blood stood to emphasize that point

MEANWHILE IN PONYVILLE

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Twilight screamed at the baby head that had fallen out of the sky and impaled itself on her horn.

"you gonna eat that?"asked spike the faggot.

BACH TO SOME FUCKING WHERE IN THE EVERFREE I GUESS

Dominatrix multi-coloured Rarity was no where to be seen, probably washed away in the flood, and Jihad Johnny boy had stopped bleeding and was now screaming racial slurs at a tree while firing grenade launchers that were firing grenades out of his nipples…. What a weirdo.

The first caribou has lying in a puddle of his own cooling semen looking satisfied and panting heavily. The second was sitting off to the side gazing longingly at the first and absentmindedly stroking himself.

in the center of it all sat the mangled and abused body of one Adolf Hitler, organs, gore, and other viscera were scattered across the ground around her and there was a ridiculous amount of blood staining her coat and the surrounding area.

Suddenly something shifted in the scene. It was as if something of actual relevance was happening but that was impossible! not in this fic! I great swell filled the air as suddenly the melancholy squealing of violins filled the air. thats right, not violence, but actual violins. It was swiftly joined by a mysterious and detached sounding piano piece that joined in the audible dance that wove it’s way through the cum filled wasteland.

In a moment of lull a cello bellowed in, picking up the slack in the musical cords that filled the air. Suddenly everything tasted up cherries for some reason. It was… it was the feeling of not dying a horrible cumpdeath and being able to one day fuck again! her legs broken in multiple spots and having been drained of all energy by the best fuck of her life, A barely recognisable whitish pink hoof shakily tries to find purchase on the semen coated ground. It was soon joined by another as the tiny quivering form that should not be dared to try and cling to life. The violin accompaniment really made this scene work. Sucks for you are just silently reading it, you dork. Anyway back to the story. Hitler’s tiny and frail body is delicately lifted up by a mysterious force, assisting the wobbling filly legs. Soon she is lifted entirely off the ground. A sudden swift wind whisks the little nazi girl away as the beautiful music fades away and the air is filled with silence once more. Because fuck you the sexy ass music fucked off to fuck your mum, faggot.

MEANWHILE IN PONYVILLE

All eyes were turned to the sky as the baby head lifted off of Twilight’s horn and disappeared into the clouds, just as suddenly and mysteriously as it arrived.

“a-aww I had wanted to eat it…. it looked so good” Whined Spike the feg. He stood a ways away from the group so as not to disturb the master race with the atrocious sound of him slowly dying from starvation.

“Shut the buck up, Faggotron” said Twilight out of the side of her mouth, not even looking away from the vanishing speck in the sky for a millisecond.

And then spike the faggot died because he was an anorexic walnut.

chapter 3

CHAPTER THE THIRD: ZOMBPOCOLYPSE. BUT WITH NAZIS ‘N CARIBOU

High up in space the various bits of vicsera CLEANUP DETA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________/\/\/\//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//

What the fuck? It just stopped in the middle of a word!

Uh... sure, I’ll keep going. When I figure out what the hell happened up there. All I know is that I don’t want to read it.

You wanted something else? A new story? Well why didn’t you say so?

Alright. So this guy Hitler showed up in Equestria, yadeyadeya, Caribou, Zombies, dead babies.

The Zombies were coming in on all sides. The surviving Caribou were locked in a cage and left to die.

Hitler had rallied the last of the ponies in the town hall; a few Apple Family members, Mr Cake and the Cake twins, Derpy (who was a zombie, but nobody noticed), Bulk Biceps, some of Celestia’s guards, and that one pony that nobody ever remembered.

All of the fun from earlier was forgotten (And thank God for that). The Mane 6 had been devoured when Celestia gave the order to activate the Elements of Harmony. Only Spike survived, and he said “Fuck you guys. I’m going home.”

“Hey, maybe it won’t be so bad to be a zombie” joked the forgotten background pony

Derpy said “BRAAAAINSSS!”

Everyone laughed and said “Oh Derpy, you so funny”. Except Hitler, because he was all super serious and stuff.

They had barricaded the bottom floor, and then closed up the building as they went to the roof. Locked doors totally stop Zombies! Also, they put in a fire trap somewhere. Not important.

One of the larger Dragons had been drafted into the efforts to escape the Zombie menace. He would drop in, pick up any survivors, then burn the surrounding area to a crisp. Then he’d bring them to one of the mountain top Refugee Centers.

But this time something changed. Some random hillbilly took some potshots at the dragon. The shots hit him in the wings, puncturing them. He crashed right at the edge of Ponyville.

I’m going to tell you about how these survivors survived this Zombie menace - Go away, I’m writing something genius - uhhhhh

Alright. Please. Okay. Got it.

Derpy had just been doing her Mailmare duties when Hitler popped into Equestria. She didn’t care, there was work to do! Her children needed to eat, she couldn’t stop working and risk her pay being docked! They were getting on by the seat of her pants as it was. (Yeah, this Derpy wears pants)

And so, she diligently continued her duties until the Zombies showed up. They were shambling and eating brains e’rywhere! She looked around for one of those black and silver tall-things that had showed up, they had sticks that you could point and kill instantly with.

Hitler’s soldiers had put up a valiant effort in fighting the zombies, but as is the usual in zombie fighting games, they all died after about 15 waves of Zombies. Their guns and equipment were scattered everywhere. Quite a lot in this peculiar box building with boarded-up windows. Derpy ran across that place in her search for weapons. She too was trapped, and fought many thousands of zombies, but she got eaten anyways.

She joined the ranks of the Zombie horde until she was found by the survivors.

The background pony had actually fought the Zombie numerous times. All of which were cool and could have been movies on their own. But you won’t hear about them, cause she’s a background pony.

THEN HITLER ATE EVERYONE BECAUSE SHE WAS THE FIRST FUCKING ZOMBIE.

Secret Chapter X

SECRET CHAPTER X

HITLER WAS SIT DOWN AND DRINK HIS GLASS OF JUICE “I SAID GLASS OF JUICE NOT GLASS THE JEWS!”

HITLER GOT PHONE. HE AWNSERED PHONE. BUT NOONE WAS THERE.

THEN WHO WAS PHONE?!

ILLUMINATI AND HALF LIFE THREE IS CONFIRM!

Epilogue

Epilogue

    But a tall, lithe man had been watching from the shadows, watching it go up in flames as chaos and destruction spread just as quickly as the ferocious flames that were engulfing his creation in a pool of depravity and savage violence.

He wore a dark suit, with a red tie, the blackness of the clothing absorbing the very light around him. He looked at the ground sadly, knowing it was time. Knowing that he had failed them, and himself yet again.

    He turned away from the horde of zombies somberly, before inhaling deeply, and looking up at the sky, a determined look overtaking his face. Suddenly, his pale skin shifted and darkened, until it was as black as the night sky. His suit burst to life, as galaxies and stars swirled around in the black void of his clothing, even while the very same, new and young galaxies overtook his universe colored skin.

    He closed his eyes, and trembled slightly, before the world went silent. A single tear rolled down his cheek, as the world around him faded to white, the echoes of pained groans and fevered feasting dying off. The world disappeared and subsided, the entire universe fading from existence not with a bang, but with a whimper.

The man brought his hands together forcefully, as an infinitely incomprehensible explosion shook the white, colorless void he was now floating in, as the stars and galaxies streamed out of his figure, expanding outwards at incredible speeds. Stars raced past him and entire solar systems exploded into existence in less than a second. Within a few moments, the man was drained of all color, his suit and skin having turned completely stark white, the unnatural color contrasting sharply against the blackness of the void he was now floating in as new galaxies and stars violently began.

He sighed, and closed his eyes, a smile spreading across his face, even as his entire being drifted away into nothingness, his body dispersing into granules of fine dust, and being carried away into the the universe on the first solar winds.

But he could still think and feel, his mind never drifting into the sands of eternity like that of his physical form. He was hopeful for the future of the fledgling universe, excited at the prospect that this time things would turn out differently, that things wouldn’t spiral out of control like they had in the past universe. He smiled in his mind, hoping that his seventh try at creating a universe would succeed where his past creations had failed.

Only time would tell.

AND THAT’S HOW EQUESTRIA WAS, AND HAS BEEN MADE SEVEN TIMES OVER.