Rainbow Dash Is Retarded

by PRlNCESS CADENCE

Rating: everyone
Tags: Sunset Shimmer, Twilight Sparkle (EqG), Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Rainbow Dash (EqG), Comedy, Equestria Girls
Length: 4532

Rainbow Dash has mentally disabled adventures

Rainbow Dash just joined Best Buddies and is loving her new best friend Twilight. This is a story about growing up and learning to embrace who you are, including the parts that make you different.

Published 2015-08-23 04:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-23 04:20:01 UTC

Chapter

Once upon a time, there was a magical pony princess named Twilight Sparkle, who ruled her kingdom neither with force nor tyranny, but with friendship. One day, a unicorn named Sunset Shimmer came to her castle and stole her royal crown, bringing it to earth. Twilight, in search of her magical crown, followed after her to a place called Canterlot High, where she met all kinds of new friends. In just two days, she had managed to win over the hearts of everyone who attended the school and become the princess of the Fall Formal, where she won her crown back from Sunset Shimmer. The evil unicorn wouldn't have it, though, again trying to steal it for her own personal motives, but with her friends by her side, Twilight used the magic of friendship to once again save the day.

"Wow! This is really good, Rainbow Dash!" Twilight exclaimed closing Rainbow Dash's notebook. "I can't wait to read more!"

"I wanted you to be the hewo because you'we so nice," Rainbow Dash replied with a huge grin, ignoring her speech impediment which made it difficult for her to pronounce R's or L's.

"What are they about?"

"Ponies, mostwy. I've got aww kinds of stowies, and I'm in them, too! We'we best fwiends in Equestwia."

"Just like in real life!" Suddenly, Twilight's watch started to beep, flashing 6:00 in a bright blue light. "Awww. It looks like our hour is up."

"I'ww get to see you tomowwow, though, wight?"

"Of course, and I'll see you around school too! If you write any more stories, I'll make sure I read every last one. Do you think you might want to be a writer when you grow up?"

"No, I want to be a pwofessionaw soccew pwayew."

"That sounds great! Well, I better get going. I'll see you tomorrow!" Twilight then grabbed her backpack, flung it over her shoulders and waved good bye to her best buddy as she walked out the door and into the Canadian cold. She had no sooner done so when she began to feel a buzzing in her backpack. "Hey, Fluttershy!" she said, answering her phone.

"How was Rainbow Dash today?" the small voice asked.

"She was great! She wrote a story about a magical pony kingdom, and I was the main character!"

"Who was the villain?"

"Her sister."

Rainbow Dash had constant fights with her sister Sunset Shimmer, who was born just a year prior to her. Sunset tried to be a peaceful, loving sister when she could, but most times she found herself losing her patience in response to Rainbow Dash's mental situation. She had even decided one night to tell Rainbow Dash that she was "unlovable," an adjective that Rainbow Dash regurgitated any time Sunset tried making recompense. Sunset really did want to show Rainbow Dash that she loved her, but there was a barrier that she couldn't breach as well as Twilight could.

"I don't know how you do it," Fluttershy continued. "I mean, I don't know if I'd have the patience to see her all the time like you do."

"Well, you like working at the animal shelter, don't you?"

"Yeah, but--"

"And working with Rainbow Dash is kinda like that to me. She needs someone to be here for her, and even though it's exhausting sometimes, it's worth the effort."

"Well, you know, if any of the animals needed help with math homework, I'd make sure that no animals went without getting the math homework they need to pass their math class, because sometimes, math teachers give their students math homework that--"

"Fine. I'll be right over."

"Thank you, Twilight."

As Twilight turned the corner to head to Fluttershy's house, Sunset Shimmer pulled into the driveway after a long day of work. Getting out of the car, she heard the sound of a ball being kicked around in the back yard and immediately walked towards the fence leading to the back of her house.

"Hey, Rainbow Dash!" Sunset said, hoping that her sister was in a good mood today. "What are you up to?"

"I'm twying to do a shot I invented," Rainbow Dash said. "It's cawwed the Jecht Shot Mawk Thwee."

Sunset giggled. "Is there a Mark Two or Mark One?"

"No. Just the Jecht Shot Mawk Thwee. If I name it Mawk Thwee then peopwe wiww come watch my games hoping to see the othew ones."

"That's pretty creative. How did you come up with the name?"

Rainbow Dash stammered as she tried to come up with something, knowing full well that Sunset wouldn't be as impressed if she knew that Rainbow stole it from a video game. "I had a dweam about it. I keep twying to do the shot, but evewy time I faww backwawds and hit my head on the gwound."

Sunset didn't know whether she should giggle again, but she did anyway. "You know, maybe you should start out with simpler shots."

"But if I can't do the Jecht Shot, I'ww nevew be a pwofessionaw soccew pwayew."

As funny as it was to hear about Rainbow Dash trying to mix soccer and the Matrix, she didn't want her little sister to get hurt. "You'll still be able to play soccer, but if you fall backwards too much, your brain will fall into the back of your head."

"...Can you hewp me fix my undewpants? I think they'we fwozen again."

Sunset slapped her hand onto her face. "Let's go inside, Rainbow Dash."

"I wanna watch the cawtoon whewe the dogs talk."

***

The next day, Rainbow Dash and Sunset showed up to school bright and early, ready to start the new day. Sunset would usually hang out with the girls before class, and ever since Twilight started attending Canterlot High, she didn't feel so bad for bringing Rainbow along.

"So," Twilight said happily, "have you written anything else?"

"You and Fwash Sentwy faww in wove."

"What?!"

Rarity spat out the water she was drinking. Pinkie Pie's chocolate milk shot out of her nose, and despite the pain, she began laughing hysterically. Flash Sentry wasn't a bad looking guy, but he had the social maturity of a 12 year old, making crude jokes and expecting the ladies to be more attracted to him for it. Not exactly dreamboat material.

"I mean--that's great! Maybe we shouldn't talk about that part in school, though."

"She admitted it!" Rarity exclaimed. "Oh, you devious girl, you! Why didn't you tell us you had a secret crush on the boy next door?"

"I don't--" Twilight wanted to interject, but at the same time, she didn't want to make it seem like she was attacking Rainbow Dash's story. "I... uh... New girls! Look! New girls! Let's bring them over!"

Twilight then waved frantically to the girls walking through the hallway. They all wore dark clothing compared to most of the girls at Canterlot High, along with matching necklaces.

"Hi," Sunset started. "You three new to Canterlot High?"

"Obviously," the girl in the purple denim replied.

"O...K..."

"Forgive my sister," the teenager with the poofy blonde hair interjected. "She's an idiot. My name is Adagio and this is Aria."

"And my name is Sonata," the third girl said, shaking hands with the other girls. "I'm so excited to be attending a new school! Do any of you know what kinds of extracurricular activities we have here? I was a member of the speech and debate team and National Honors Society back home."

"You wook pwetty."

Everyone stopped and stared at Rainbow Dash awkwardly while they waited for Sonata's response.

"Uhhhh thank you."

"I guess the first person you'll meet here is Rainbow Dash," Twilight said, putting her arm around Rainbow's shoulder, "and my name is Twilight Sparkle."

"We'we best buddies!"

"Heh... I can um... I can see that," Sonata replied awkwardly.

Stepping in front of Rainbow Dash to avoid any more outbursts, Twilight continued. "Anyway, this is Pinkie Pie, who's in charge of clubs and activities. She can get you signed up. I'm actually a member of the National Honors Society myself."

"You're kidding! I can't wait to join the community here. It's such a great organization."

"Can I join that cwub too?" Rainbow Dash asked, raising her hand.

"Ummm... Sorry, sweetie," Sonata said gently. "It's only for the reeeeeally smart kids. I don't think you'd like it."

Just then, the bell rang.

"Oh, shoot!" Sonata said. "I haven't had the chance to look at where all my classes are! Do you know where AP Biology is?"

"I'm heading there right now!" Twilight shouted. "Don't worry. I'll show you where everything is. I can show your sisters where to go too."

"Any idea where gym class is?" Aria asked sarcastically, knowing full well that the gymnasium was almost impossible to miss.

"Oh, that's where Rainbow Dash's first class is! Just follow her. She'll show you where to go."

Aria's scowl turned into disgust as she slowly turned her head towards the mentally incompetent teen. She turned her head back to Sonata, silently asking her with her facial expressions if she could skip school today, but Sonata shooed her away with her hand, following Twilight to her first class.

"Come on," Aria grumbled to Rainbow Dash. "Let's go."

As the two walked, however, Rainbow Dash's mind was still running in repeat, going over Sonata's words as she walked. "Really smart kids... Really smart kids... smart... smart... smart..."

Maybe I should write a story where you're the bad guy, Rainbow thought. A story where you're the stupid one.

***

Later that day, once Twilight was done with NHS and Rainbow was done with soccer practice, Twilight took Rainbow Dash to get a haircut at a small barber shop nearby.

"Have you thought of any hairstyles you might like?" Twilight asked, looking through a magazine with dozens of hairstyles to choose from.

"I want to put pictuwes in my haiw."

"What do you mean? Like hair clips with pictures on them?"

"No, I want the yewwow in my haiw to mix with the wed so I can have haiw that wooks wike Sunset Shimmew, but I'm afwaid that if I get a pack of Stawbuwsts I'd think my haiw was one of the Stawbuwsts and I'd eat my haiw."

Twilight paused so she could comprehend what Rainbow just said. "That does sound like a problem."

"And I weawwy wike Stawbuwsts, especiawwy the wed and yewwow ones."

"So, wait, does this mean that you're not mad at your sister anymore?"

"Not weawwy. In my second stowy, Sunset Shimmew becomes a good guy and hewps you fight off the twipwets."

"You mean the new girls?"

Rainbow Dash's smile faded, and judging by Twilight's tone, she was on the defensive. "They didn't seem vewy nice."

"They're very nice, Rainbow Dash. Just give them some time and I'm sure you'll start to love them. What else is in your story?"

"You and Fwash Sentwy awmost kiss."

"What?!" Twilight looked around to make sure nobody was listening, but pulled her hair over her face just in case anybody was. "I mean... why do you want me and Flash Sentry together?"

"Because he's cute, and I think you desewve a cute boy."

Twilight's panicked expression shifted into a caring smile. "That's really sweet of you, Rainbow Dash, but love is about more than just thinking someone is cute. Maybe one day you'll meet a boy who treats you just as nicely as I do, and when you do, you'll fall in love and the two of you can get married."

"Rainbow Dash," the barber said, looking down at his appointments. "You're next."

Rainbow then happily stood up and walked over to the barber seat, sat down and looked at herself in the mirror. "What can I do for you?" the barber asked.

"Can you hewp me be pwetty?"

Laughing, the barber asked, "What makes you think you aren't pretty already?"

"Because I don't have a boyfwiend, but I can't find a boyfwiend untiw I'm pwetty."

"Listen," the man said putting a large apron around Rainbow's neck, "just because you don't have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're not pretty. In fact, I'd say you're the prettiest one I've had all day, but just in case you're worried, I'll make sure you leave looking even better."

The rest of Rainbow's haircut continued the same way: with Rainbow Dash bringing up what she wanted in life and the barber making her feel important and bringing up her self esteem. Mostly, it was just a way for the man to fill time, trying not to cut too much of Rainbow's hair since he couldn't figure out what kind of style she wanted. He might not have done much, but at least he could still possibly get a tip if there were no complaints.

Unfortunately, there were.

"Well, she's all finished up."

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight exclaimed. "What happened?" Rainbow Dash came out with her face in her hands, crying quietly. Her hair looked fine, but her demeanor said otherwise. "You know what, why don't you just walk outside for now while I pay? Don't worry, though. He won't be getting a tip." Rainbow Dash took small steps as she walked, all eyes staring at her as she sobbed her way out the door. As soon as she was out of earshot, Twilight stared into the barber's eyes and through gritted teeth asked, "What happened?"

"Well, you see, she was talking to me about how she wanted to look pretty--"

"She was already pretty!"

"That's what I was telling her, but--"

"Girls don't normally cry when being told they're pretty!"

"But that's not what she's crying about."

"Then what is it?!"

"She asked me to marry her."

"..."

"I told her that I couldn't because I was already married, but then she said that when someone was nice to her, she was supposed to get married to them."

"...Well... uh... Here's a tip from both of us. See you next time! If you still feel like taking us..."

Twilight then rushed out of the shop as quickly as she could, but as soon as she closed the door and had a second to breathe, she saw Rainbow Dash hitting the front of her head on the pavement.

"Rainbow Dash! What are you doing?"

"I twied doing the Jecht Shot."

"You... The... What?"

"I twied doing the Jecht Shot, but I feww backwawds and my bwain feww into the back of my head, so I'm twying to get my bwain back in the fwont of my head."

"Rainbow Dash!" Twilight shouted as she pulled her friend by the shoulders, keeping her from hitting her head again. "Your brain is fine."

"No it's not!"

Twilight quickly let go of Rainbow Dash, who began again to cry into her hands.

"Aww I wanted to do is be a soccew pwayew, but my bwain doesn't wowk the wight way! I'ww nevew find a boy to mawwy me!"

"Don't say that..."

"You said it youwsewf! Peopwe don't faww in wove just because someone is pwetty! Why would any boy want to mawwy someone who can't even talk wight? Nobody wiww evew wove me!"

This time Rainbow Dash began to cry harder. Her sobs were now audible as tears cascaded down her face. Twilight took a few seconds just thinking of something, anything she could do to cheer up her best buddy. This was supposed to be a fun trip for Rainbow Dash, but so far it was turning out to be a nightmare. Twilight looked on and responded the only way she knew how.

Suddenly, Rainbow's tears stopped. She looked down and saw a pair of arms holding her around the abdomen tightly, almost as if Twilight were hanging on for dear life, like she was hanging onto something... important.

"I love you, Rainbow Dash," Twilight said, "and don't you ever forget it. You're my best buddy, and you always will be. Don't you ever think you're not good enough, because I will always be here for you. You're a subject in my kingdom, and you can always, always, always count on your princess to be there for you."

"Wiww... Wiww you hewp me be a soccew pwayew?"

"Of course. In fact, everything that you wanna do, I want you to write down and put in your stories. I want you to write about you being the best athlete in all of Equestria. I want you to write about going on adventures and meeting new friends."

"I wanna fwy too."

"Then write about flying! Write a story where you fly so fast that you make a rainbow explosion! Write about a really talented flying team and how you try every day to be just like one of them, just like how you practice every day to be a talented soccer player. Just please... never say you can't do something, because I believe in you, Rainbow Dash. Nothing is more important to me than when you're happy."

"I'm happy when I get to spend time with you, Twiwight."

Just as Rainbow Dash said those words, Twilight's watch began to flash 6:00. The two girls took a long look at the watch, then back at each other. It was clear on Rainbow Dash's face that she wasn't ready for their hour to be over just yet.

"You know what?" Twilight said, taking off her watch. "I think I have enough time to walk you home."

"It takes fouw hundwed and eighty steps to walk home."

"Really? That's very observant!"

***

As Twilight and Rainbow Dash walked back home, Twilight made sure that everything they talked about was positive, hiding that she had sent a message to Sunset to let her know what happened at the barber shop. Rainbow, however, spent most of the time counting how many steps she took to get back home.

"Fouw hundwed twenty seven," she counted just a few steps from her home. "Fouw hundwed twenty eight. Fouw hundwed twenty nine. We can't be home awweady! I stiww have to get to fouw hundwed and eighty!" Rainbow Dash then fell to the ground and attempted to smash her head on the pavement again before Twilight grabbed hold of her, keeping her from any further brain damage.

"Rainbow Dash! It's fine. You're fine. You're home now."

"But my bwain is stiww in the back of my head."

"Who told you that?"

"Sunset Shimmew."

"Pssh. Who are you gonna believe? Your sister or your best buddy?" Hopefully that wouldn't come back to bite her. New topic. "Speaking of buddies, I learn so much about friendship from you every day! Today I learned that the best part of having a friend is being a friend. Sure, there are times when I'm glad you're here to help me with a problem, but helping a friend believe in herself is even better."

"Wiww you come to my soccew game tomowwow?"

"Absolutely. Now, get some sleep and I'll see you in the morning."

"Bye, Twiwight!" Rainbow Dash said before leaving the snowy weather and entering into her house. As soon as she went inside, though, she saw her sister sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for her.

"Hey," Sunset said in a calming tone, much more tranquil than normal. "How was your day?"

"I twied to get mawwied but the man had a wife so I hit my head on the pavement."

Sunset smiled. "Why don't you come into my room and tell me about it."

"But... you nevew wet me in youw woom!"

"Just for tonight. It could be like a slumber party."

Rainbow Dash happily nodded her head and ran up the stairs behind Sunset.

Sunset's room was the textbook teenage girl's bedroom. She had a desk specifically for makeup, an over-sized bed and clothes scattered around the room. "Make yourself at home," Sunset said flopping onto her bed and turning on the radio. Rainbow Dash, though, decided to sit on the bed next to her big sister. "So tell me how you almost got married today."

"An owd man towd me I was pwetty."

Sunset began to giggle, but that giggle soon erupted into her laughing so loudly that she was grabbing onto her sides. "I'm going to use that one! Every--" she was caught midway through her sentence with another laugh. "Every time a boy tells me I'm pretty, I'm going to ask them to marry me. Just imagine that look on Flash Sentry's face." Sunset laughed again, this time so hard that she rolled over and fell off of her bed. This, though, just sent both sisters into a giggle fit.

"Twiwight was tewwing me to mawwy someone who was nice to me."

"Haha. How did marriage even come up?"

"I was tewwing Twiwight about a stowy I was witing."

Sunset then got back onto her bed and leaned her head on her hand. "How come you never tell me about your stories?"

"I... I don't think you'd wike them."

"What makes you think I wouldn't like your stories?"

"You'we the bad guy."

Sunset took a second to think of how to respond to that. "I am?" Was Sunset really so bad at being a sister that Rainbow had thought of her as the antagonist of her life? She knew she wasn't as good as Twilight, but she was the villain?

"Onwy in the fiwst one. In the second one you become one of the good guys."

"Is..." Sunset took a moment to think of how to word what she wanted to say. "Would it be OK if I helped you write it?"

"You could hewp Twiwight! Evewyone would think you'we stiww the bad guy, but then Twiwight wiww say, 'Sunset Shimmew, we need you!'"

"What do I use to stop the new bad guy?"

"The Ewements of Hawmony! I'm woyawty, Twiwight is magic, and when we use them, we get pony eaws and a pony taiw!"

"Will I get those too?"

"You'we my sistew. Why wouldn't you get them?"

Sunset held back tears in her attempt to be the tough big sister, but couldn't help bringing Rainbow Dash into a hug. "I think I'm gonna love this story, Rainbow Dash."

"I wove you, Sunset Shimmew."

A small tear fell down Sunset's cheek. Sniffing, she replied, "I love you too, little sister. I love you too."

***

The next day, Sunset and Rainbow were running late for school. As soon as Sunset's toast popped out of the toaster, she grabbed it with her mouth and ran for the door with Rainbow Dash behind her. The elder sister quickly pulled out her keys and got in the car with her younger sister limping to keep her left shoe on.

"Howd on, Sunset! I need to tie my shoe."

"Hurry! We're gonna be late!"

Rainbow Dash knelt down and tried remembering what she learned on Spongebob the week prior. "Undew... and ovew... and woopty woop..." Just then, she saw a small rock sitting on the edge of the driveway which she had never seen before. Picking it up, she examined it all over, trying to figure out where it came from. She didn't remember it being there the night before.

"Rainbow Dash, I'll tie your shoe! Just get in the car!"

Rainbow then hobbled her way into the passenger's seat where Sunset frantically began lacing her sister's shoes. "Wook at what I found," Rainbow Dash said, holding up the rock.

"Ew. Why did you bring that in here?"

"It's a moon wock."

"...Again, why did you bring that in here?"

"I'm gonna seww it."

"You're going to sell it? To who?"

"Wich peopwe."

"Rich peop--" Sunset knew that it was better just to leave it alone for right now. Hopefully Rainbow Dash wouldn't forget and leave it in the car.

Later at lunch, Rainbow Dash joined her fiends at their table, put the rock down and began writing on a piece of paper. The other girls at the table looked on, curious to see what the girl had planned. Pulling the paper out of her notebook, she folded it in half and placed it on the table behind the rock like a sign which read, "Moon Rock: $41 million."

The girls at the table exchanged looks between the rock and Rainbow Dash, who sat back with a smug look on her face. "Wanna buy a moon wock? Onwy fowty one miwwion dowwaws." She then leaned over to Applejack and whispered, "I made the pwice high in case someone wants to haggwe. It's a business stwategy."

The next moment, Aria passed by and looked at the sign and rock sitting on the table next to her. Nearly dropping her tray, she began laughing hysterically, mostly to get the attention of her sisters who were coming up behind her. "Guys, you've gotta see this. Come look at what the retarded girl wrote. She's legitimately trying to sell a rock."

"HEY!"

The entire lunch room turned their heads to see Sunset Shimmer now standing up, scowling at Aria. "That's my sister's business you're insulting, and you're one to talk about being retarded. How is it that you have a sister in the same grade as you who's passing you up in just about everything? How is it that half your schedule is the same as my sister's? You wanna crush someone's goals because you have none of your own?"

"Alright, Sunset," Rarity said, getting up and gently trying to guide Sunset back to her seat. "That's enough."

"No!" Sunset ripped her arms away from Rarity's grasp. "This girl needs to know to never mess with Rainbow Dash or her family, because this isn't just her business, it's a family business, and it's called Rainbow Rocks!"

"OK, Sunset," Applejack chimed in. "I think she's got the picture."

"No, she doesn't! She thinks that just because Rainbow Dash was born different, she should be treated differently. I'll tell you how she's different. Rainbow Dash is the nicest, sweetest, most courageous girl I know, and she deserves credit for it! Do you know what it's like not being able to talk to people? Do you know what it's like to have anxiety talking to people? Do you have any idea how much courage it takes her to have normal conversations when people are always shutting her down? And she keeps getting up again!"

"Umm... Sunset?" Fluttershy squeaked.

"Rainbow Dash is my best friend," Twilight said, standing up next to Sunset. "She's optimistic, innovative, and she's going to make forty-one million dollars right here in a high school lunch room. Can you say you've done that?"

Aria scoffed and walked away. "Whatever."

Twilight smiled and began chanting, "Rainbow Rocks! Rainbow Rocks! Rainbow Rocks!"

Sunset joined in on the chant, followed by Rarity, then Applejack, and suddenly, the entire lunch room was chanting along with them, stomping their feet and clapping. "Rainbow Rocks! Rainbow Rocks! Rainbow Rocks! Rainbow Rocks!"

Suddenly, Rainbow Dash got an idea.

"Guys," she said, "I think I know what I'm gonna caww my next stowy."

Author's Note

If you can name the video game, you get free tickets to Rainbow Dash's first musical: Ponies on Ice.