To anyone who still cares

By the time you read this note I will be gone. Don't feel sad, this is the only way I can be of use to anyone. All my life I have been nothing but a disappointment. To my friends and to my family but most of all to myself. I know you try to care but I can see it in your eyes that it is getting harder and harder to put up with me. I am sorry. Mom, Dad, I know you love me and I love you too. It'll be better this way. I leave you all my bits, you'll never have to worry about money ever again. To my friends, I love you all so much. I don't blame you you were all great friends to me over the years. Ever since we got our cutiemarks, you've been at my side. Helping me and supporting me. I miss you dearly now I know you have moved on to bigger and better things. I shouldn't be jealous or upset but I cant help feeling this way.

I am truly glad for you too though. I try to write to you and I don't mind if you don't reply. I'm understand to it, you're all to busy with your new lives.

You've all moved on and I should too. I try to, but sometimes I think back to those great times and I'm reminded they can never be again. I know it will hurt for now but I want you to be happy for me. I don't want to hurt you.

Love always,
Butterpop "Poppy"

Butterpop looked over her note, she must have written it a thousand times in her head but this is the first time she actually saw it on paper. spiting the pencil out of her mouth she read each word to herself. She nodded to herself.

"It's not perfect and doesn't say as nearly as much as I want it to." the corn colored pegasus muttered to the empty room. The missing words screamed in her head but it was too late. Her mind was made up and if she stopped to let those words out she might loose her nerve. Sighing she put the note in an envelope and placed it in her saddlebag. The plain brown bag was light, the only thing in it was the envelope and a sleeping potion she got from Ponyville's resident Zebra, Zecora, to help her sleep.

Butterpop took a deep breath before forcing herself towards the door. Stopping a moment to straighten her long white mane in the hallway mirror. Keeping her green eyes away from meeting her reflection's she quickly ran the comb through with her wings. Everypony loves her mane. How full and pretty it was they'd say and that would be it. Just her mane. They never seemed to think anything else was pretty or even okay. Butterpop hated her mane. She once told herself she would never get rid of it, in case there really wasn't anything anypony liked about her. Sighing she continued towards the door.

As she stepped outside she was greeted by another gorgeous day in Ponyville. The afternoon sunlight sparkled off of Princess Twilight's crystal tree house and the towns weekend bazaar was busier than usual. Everywhere Butterpop looked there were happy ponies everywhere. From the fruit sellers in their stands to the ponies happily haggling over gems. The good mood everypony was in was infectious, and Butterpop felt her mood brighten a bit.

"Hello Poppy!" A cheerful voice said above her.

Butterpop looked up to find the familiar face of Derpy Hooves, the local mailmare. The friendly grey pegasus dropped down a little too quickly and wobbled a bit on her landing. Derpy's smile beamed as bright as the sun, making Butterpop smile genuinely in return.

"Hello Derpy!" Butter Pop found herself chirping. "Any mail for me today?"

"Not today!" The blond Mailmare answered happily. Butterpop's mood fell.

"B-but some could come tomorrow!" Derpy quickly stammered after seeing the yellow mare's face droop in disappointment," O-or I could have lost them! I'm always making mistakes like that!"

"It's alright Derpy. I have to get going. I have to see an old friend. Have a good day." Butterpop forced a smile.

As she left, Derpy wasn't sure if it really was alright. Pondering what could be wrong, she let Butterpop go for now with a reassuring smile and a hearty see you later. Even as Butterpop turned a corner out of sight Derpy could feel the wheels in her head working overtime.

"Derpy is always so friendly," Butterpop thought as she made her way through the crowds. Part of her wanted to try and become friends with the mailemare. "I wonder if I should go back..."

When she tried to think of the best way to approach her, her thoughts were assaulted by a nagging voice in the back of her mind. "You'd only hurt her, she doesn't need you, she has a job and kid to take care of. You'd just push her away. Just like your old friends. She deserves better."

Butterpop hated that part of her mind, it wasn't that she was hearing voices, the words and thoughts were her own. She hated feeling this way, afraid to even try and make new friends. What she hated most was that the voice was right.

Sighing, Butterpop spread her wings.

"Just another pony who would be better off without me." Butterpop thought as she took off. As she soared through the sky she took one last look at Ponyville. It had really grown since she was a little filly, and it certainly has gotten more exciting since Princess Twilight moved in. Most Ponies thought her tree/gem castle was gaudy and out of place but Butterpop thought it was an amazing addition to ponyville. It might even replace the town hall as Ponyvilles center. Banking west Butterpop headed towards White Tail Woods.

White Tail woods was always the most beautiful place in all of Equestria to Butterpop. With bright green leaves during the spring and summer, a blanket of crisp white snow and ice and of course best of all the colorful Autumn leaves. Every year she would enter the running of the leaves just to watch them fall. She could easily clear all the leaves with her wings, but she preferred the thunderous feeling the forest took when hundreds of ponies ran the trail. She would never come in first despite knowing every nook and cranny of the forest. she would always stop inn a small clearing to feel the rumble of the ponies as the passed her by. Swooping in low, she made her way to that same clearing. In the center was a small tree, she circled around it to make her landing. The tree's leaves, blown from the breeze from her wings, seemed to wave to her when she touched ground.

"Hello old friend." Butterpop placed a forehoof on the tree' trunk, this tree was still young and strong since the last time she check on it. It wasn't always like that. When she first found it it was sick and dying, feeling sorry for the poor sapling Butterpop tried her best to nurse the tree back to health. While she wasn't an earth pony she did her best, bringing the best rain clouds she could find, asking the locals farm ponies the best way to take care of it and even talking to it to keep it company. This is how she gained her cutiemark, A trio of bright red leaves, she loved caring for her little sapling and the rest of the White Tail Woods. Slipping her Saddlebags off she sat down in the tree's shade.

"Well, this is it. I guess I'll be keeping you company from now on big guy." Butterpop said to her leafy friend. Tears started welling up as she pulled out the sleeping potion. the tears made the label a little hard to read.

Only one drop to sleep

more and dream forever too deep.

Butterpop chuckled bitterly, Even Zecora's written warnings rhymed. Popping the cork off she drank it's entire contents. she placed her hoof on the tree trunk again. Rubbing it affectionately, Her last friend.

"At least we can always watch the leaves fall together." she slurred as the medicine started to quickly take effect. She felt a peaceful warmth rise up from her belly. She snuggled into the trees roots, they seemed so comfy. What she wanted to do now was rest and let the darkness take her.

"...Thou art stronger than this, you know." said a soothing voice from deep within the darkness. "Your tree friend called out to me, he's worried about you. And he's not the only one."

The Voice was calling to her but Butterpop felt herself slipping further away even as it began shouting out to her.

"Young Butterpop, We know it is hard but We need you to wake up."

"...but it's so warm here. I can't hurt anypony here. I cant push them away." Butterpop found herself arguing with the voice.

"You'll hurt ponies more if go. So wake up." The Voice seemed to tear her away from the darkness.

"Wake up." It ordered

"Wake up." Again the same order.

Butterpop slowly opened her eyes. Everything was bright and blurry, her head felt like the entire apple family had been apple bucking it. She looked around and as her vision cleared she was no longer in her clearing. She was in a calming blue room. A long white curtain blocking her view to her left. She recognized it as a room in Ponyville Hospital.

"Ah good, you're awake! You gave use quite a scare young filly!" Said a tall unicorn in doctor scrubs. "It was touch and go there for a while. You're lucky your friend got you to us in time."

"M-my friend?" Butterpop stammered.

"Oh yes! She's right outside. I'll send her in so you can talk to her." The Doctor disappeared behind the curtain. Butterpop heard a familiar gasp of joy followed by heavy hoof beats. Tearing open the curtain there stood a grey and blond wall-eyed pony.

"Derpy!" Butterpop yelped.

"Oh my goodness! Butterpop, I was so worried, What were you thinking?!" The grey pegasus cried out as she hugged Butterpop tightly." when I saw you there and the empty bottle, I didn't know what I'd do! Don't ever do that again!"

"I-I'm fine Derpy. H-how did you find me?" Butterpop whispered as she looked derpy in the eyes, which were red from crying and exhaustion.

"I was trying to deliver a letter to you..." Derpy bashfully squeaked out as she handed Butterpop a small grey envelope with bubble decorations.

Derpy stepped back as Butterpop opened the letter. The stationary inside matched the envelope. She began to read.

Dear Butterpop,

I know that you've been waiting to hear from your friends, They're not bad ponies. I met them when I delivered your letters to them. They always speak highly of you and the days they spent here in Ponyville. They will write when they can, I know it. You always seem so sad when you don't hear from your friends. But you're a nice pony and I think we would be good friends if you give me a chance. I may be clumsy and forgetful at times but will you be my friend?

Hopefully, your friend,
Derpy

"I didn't know what else to write..." Derpy muttered sheepishly and squeaked as Butterpop grabbed her in a tight embrace. her yellow coated friend was in tears as she whispered

"Thank you."

Author's Note

Don't worry everypony I think Butterpop will get the help she needs, it will be a long road ahead, it's good thing she has a good friend like Derpy! Stay tuned as I add an epilogue tomorrow.