My(stara's) Little Ponies: Friendship is Adventuring

"Oh shit, it's killing them!" Dash said in a panic.

"It's freeing them," I told her. "They're undead. They need to become regular dead, so they can move on instead of being trapped in their rut for eternity."

I quickly sent Twilight a note so she wouldn't worry.

When all the dead were gone, a small wheel of cheese remained. Enough to take home and share with everyone on the train.

"Let's go back to the train," I told Dash. "That's enough adventure for one day."

She snagged the wheel. "I bet everyone will LOVE this! Hah, I did awesome magic! ROCK ON!"

************

"How can this possibly taste so good?" Rarity said, stunned after having a slice.

We were in a lounge car, eating the freaky miracle cheese. It was amazingly good given its origins.

"This tastes great," Fluttershy said, eating quickly and enthusiastically.

"It tastes GREAT," Spike said. "Thanks a ton, Dash."

"You're welcome," Dash said, grinning confidently.

Finishing it, I got this sudden, incredible rush that made me jump. "Wow!"

"What?" Dash said.

"I don't know, I got a kind of kick from finishing it," I told her. I don't know how to describe it but it was a good feeling.

"If you want a kick, I'd be happy to oblige, you idiot!" Captain Keen Eyes snapped at me.

We were eating in the lounge car, crammed around a table, and he'd come up behind us. "You two idiots ran off ON YOUR OWN and roused a city of undead! How am I supposed to protect people who leave the safe zone for NO REASON?" he shouted angrily. "Don't pull this shit again, kids!"

"I am not a KID," Dash said angrily. "And no harm came of it!"

"I know you both got injured!" he said.

The fact we were both sporting bandages did not help our case.

"They won't do it again," Twilight said, then LOOKED at us as if to burn this into our brains.

"I can't trust them not to do something stupid!" Captain Keen Eyes said angrily. "I'd have you scrubbing toilets if you were one of my stallions! They're trained not to pull this kind of shit!"

I backed up as he advanced on me. The urge to run was very strong; he's rather intimidating.

"Your stallions spent the time Marcus was gone hitting on Rarity," Pinkie said. "Did you train them in that too?" She frowned.

For a moment Captain Keen Eyes looked shot in the face, but he recovered. "They're all hard-working, disciplined and brave! They'd make fine husbands for my daughter, but that's not important right now! What's important is that you two idiots nearly brought down an undead dwarven army on us and could have gotten yourself killed! When you are SUPPOSED to stay on the train! And don't flap your pie holes about scouting at me! I SENT OUT SCOUTS! I didn't bring ten pegasi so each of you could get in trouble!"

His stupid warponies have been hitting on Rarity.

"You're not the boss of me!" Dash said angrily, wings up and trying to look big. Captain Keen Eyes towered over her anyway.

"Father, did you entirely pick your men by who you think I ought to marry?" Rarity said angrily.

I could feel myself getting angry. We'd helped a bunch of poor undead finally escape their misery. And his stupid men had been using this as an excuse to HIT ON MY GIRLFRIEND!

"I picked good men who know their place and do their jobs and fight hard and bravely! Anything else is merely a coincidence!" he protested, though he took a moment to GLARE at Pinkie, who now was trying to eat the rest of her cheese and making distorted faces. "And none of my men have put this mission in DANGER!"

Applejack frowned. "Well, he's right, you two shouldna done that. But it ain't worth throwing a hissyfit over, either."

"I am in charge of this train and protecting you and if any of you pull this sort of childish behavior, the pegasi WILL stop you," he said. "It is my duty to protect you and I will do my duty even if you wouldn't know duty if it bit you," Captain Keen Eyes said angrily to Dash and I.

I was pawing the ground and snorting. Not deliberately, it just seemed the way to express how pissed off I was. I could hardly think I was so angry with this bastard.

"Hey, I helped stop Nightmare Moon! I helped stop a dragon from devasting Equestria! SEVERAL TIMES!" Dash said angrily. "I do my duty! I do things YOU CAN NEVER DO," she shouted back.

"MEATY! That's it!" Spike suddenly said. "It tastes totally MEATY. Yumm!"

"You're right," Fluttershy said. "It is meaty." She licked her lips. "We should stop shouting and discuss this like adults."

"You think you can take ME, boy? I could kick three of you's ass," Captain Keen Eyes said flatly.

I could smell how much he despises me and it made me even angrier. Fluttershy and Twilight were worried, Dash was pissed off, Pinkie smelled amused but was busy eating everyone's unfinished cheese, and Rarity smelled VERY worried and angry at once.

"Marcus, let it go," Rarity said to me. She turned to her father and spoke firmly. "Father, stop spitting on my coltfriend. I am quite vexed with you! And tell your men to stop trying to flirt with me. I have a coltfriend." Though she sounded flattered by it, which aggravated me more.

"Your coltfriend is trash," Captain Keen Eyes said. "A lily-livered maggot who doesn't have the GUTS to make me shut up."

I haven't been this angry in forever. My nostrils flared and my eyes were wide and my blood was pounding and I wanted to rush him so much. But kicking Rarity's father's ass is unlikely to go over well with her, much as he deserves it. So I pawed the ground and breathed hard and fought the urge to attack.

"That is ENOUGH," Twilight said. "Captain Keen Eyes, one more word from you trying to provoke Marcus into attacking you and I will send Celestia a letter and ask her to have you removed from this mission." Her voice was very firm and I could smell her anger.

His mouth widened. I could smell his shock.

"Marcus, he's right and you two shouldn't have done that," Twilight said firmly to us. "You both got hurt. What if you were left unable to go on? You could have died and we wouldn't have even known WHY."

"But..." Dash began.

"Go to your rooms and stay there until you calm down. And don't go running off again when we're supposed to stick to our guards," Twilight said determinedly.

"But..."

"Come on, Dashie," Fluttershy said firmly, hustling her along. Dash protested, but Fluttershy simply overwhelmed her, firmly herding her along with her hands. I stared in shock.

That's not normal.

"Marcus, you go too. I am going to talk to the Captain in private," Twilight said firmly.

I bowed to her. "Yes, Duchess Sparkle." I emphasized Duchess, reminding Keen Eyes she outranked him.

Rarity came with me, grumbling under her breath. I paced in our room, unable to sit still as she flopped down on the bed, launching into a long list of her past troubles with her father.

I half-listened and half tried to calm down but I couldn't calm down. I wanted to wipe that smug look off his face. Bastard!

I hate that bastard so much.

I hadn't hated anything this much in a long time.

Dash... okay, Dash and I shouldn't have gone in there on our own but they needed our help! And we helped even the undead! Dash was awesome but now we're in trouble.

"And then I rode the giant cheese off into the sunset," Rarity said, frowning.

"That's nice," I said, not really listening. Until now it sank in. What?

"Pay attention when I'm whining!" she said angrily.

"I've been sent to my room like a five year old!" I said angrily. "I can hardly think!"

"Which is probably why you ran off without even telling me!" she said angrily. "You got HURT! I was worried about you, you know! You wouldn't even write me back and let me know what happened." She pointed a leg at me accusingly.

That hurt and I cringed. "I'm sorry, dear, we did it all the time on the trip and I totally didn't think about it, then I got the first letter when we were in deep trouble and I couldn't answer." I hung my head in frustration.

"Pay attention when I'm pontificating," she said strongly, but she patted the bed next to her. I came and laid down, feeling my whole body still doing the nervous energy thing. "I want to run," I mumbled. "Not away, just run. To MOVE."

Ponies find it harder to hug than people, but we embraced clumsily. I could smell her frustration and mine and we laid there together for a while.

I suddenly wondered if the duck on Fluttershy's hat had somehow made her stronger willed.

What if it's controlling her mind? Soon, there will be nothing left but a quack with a human face.

Dammit.

***************

Rainbow Dash's 20% Cooler Viewpoint:

I flopped down on the bed. "You might as well tie my wings down, so Captain Tight Ass doesn't freak out."

Fluttershy sat down on the edge, then clasped one of my hooves between her hands. It feels so weird. Her wings flapped excitedly. "It sounds to me like you did a really kind thing, going so far for those poor ghosts."

I smiled weakly. "Thanks, Fluttershy," I told her, stretching out. "I think... I don't even know how I did it, but there was this thing."

"Thing?" she said curiously, pulling back her hood and letting her long pink hair spill down. She turned to face me, trying to find a way to sit comfortably on the bed.

"It was like... The totally coolest thing ever. Like the first time I did a Sonic Rainboom, the first time we all joined together and stopped Nightmare Moon. It's like... I touched something bigger. Something powerful." I don't even know how to describe it. "Something holy," I said softly. "You know that feeling, right?" I think druids are holy.

"I know exactly how you felt," Fluttershy said. Her voice is weird like this; it has all the cadences, but it's deeper. Not man-deep, but closer to, say, Rarity. Or Sapphire Shores. And when she gets excited those stupidly large breasts humans have start shaking. I don't see the point, though the way Marcus looks at Rarity's chest when she's human, I guess they're for hypnotizing men.

I hope Soarin's not... he wouldn't forget me just like that. I shouldn't worry but all the women wink at him and shake their flanks and...

I really have a small butt. But he says he likes that.

Don't think about Soarin', or I'll just go crazy. I am totally sexy and he will NOT think of anyone else, period.

I'm sure he's probably just thinking about pie and not other women.

Stupid pie.

"I remember the first time I changed shape. I totally lost myself in being a deer, but that moment, where I felt my body start to shiver and then I could feel Mother Nature's power flowing into me, like I could feel every living thing. Like I *was* every living thing," she said excitedly. She leaned forward; that was unusual. Fluttershy never leans towards people she's speaking to unless it's some small cute creature, where she's clearly the boss.

"That's how I got my silver torc, when I showed I could shapeshift. Though it quickly became apparent I couldn't control it," she said, then sighed and sank back on her haunches. "But I think I'm doing okay. I remember I'm Fluttershy, I'm a pony, a druid..."

"Well, humans are sentient," I told her. "It's not like turning into a ferret or something where they don't even have names."

"They have names," Fluttershy said urgently. "I name them all."

But do they actually USE those names? They can't even speak in a lot of cases.

"Anyway, I feel very proud of you," Fluttershy said warmly.

"I could see their loyalty to the stupid elephant-head gem thing," I told her thoughtfully. "Can you see kindness?"

"I can see it in you," she said, smiling.

I turned a little red. "I can be kind of mean sometimes."

"I'm a little jealous I wasn't there. I would have liked to help them too," she confessed. "But what you did was very kind."

I could feel her loyalties. To Angel Bunny, to us, to her Order, to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, to her parents... I felt like something's changed in me. It's kind of exciting but scary too.

Is this how unicorns feel with magic? I should talk to Twilight.

As if I had summoned her, she now knocked and we let her come in.

"Hi, Twilight," I said. "Welcome to Cell Fifty-Eight. Prisoner Dash reporting." I saluted her.

She sighed. "Dash, you really shouldn't have rushed off without even asking the rest of us. Captain Keen Eyes was very rude but he did have a point. I'm sure he was very worried about you."

"Frankly, I think he's just worried about who Rarity is sleeping with. Speaking of which, I think Rarity and Mar... Five Jack Smile totally did it. Yesterday, that is."

Twilight and Fluttershy turned beet red. Twilight said, "I don't know and I never WANT to know."

Oh wait, her ex... damn me. "I'm sorry, I totally forgot about you and him."

"Also, what did you call him?"

Wait, dammit... oh yeah. "See, there's no point in him being a pony if we call him 'Marcus'. That wouldn't even fool Sweetie," I said, sitting up. Well, it wouldn't fool Sweetie forever, anyway. I rolled around to get in a comfortable position. Fluttershy was oddly scrunched up, trying to find something to do with her legs.

"So I named him..." Wait... what was it...

"Five Jacks High?" Fluttershy said.

"Yeah, that's it," I said.

Twilight blinked. "Hmm, not bad. Good thinking, Dash."

"Of course. I am a genius," I said modestly.

"But running off like that was NOT wise," Twilight said. "Please don't do it again; it took me forever to talk Captain Keen Eyes down."

"Hey, we got to help some people and I was TOTALLY BORED," I told her.

"We have to be careful! The Sindhi have very different customs and we have a huge duty," Twilight said, because she is overly serious about everything.

Blah blah, sindhi customs, blah, ambassador, blah. You know how it is.

"Dash, pay attention," Fluttershy said, shaking my shoulder gently.

I blinked and stared at her. Had she actually... I probably hallucinated that too in my boredom. "Sorry, Fluttershy, I was remembering how I made magical CHEESE. Cheese so good it saved the soul of dwarves! YEAH!"

"I want to ask you about that in a minute," Twilight said. "But I need you to understand, we have to be careful and please, please don't antagonize Captain Keen Eyes any more."

"He's a rude asshole with an inflated head," I said, frowning. "He's probably going to try and steal my boyfriend too."

Half the Won... no, focus, trust Soarin', do not worry!

"He's trying to steal Ma... Five Jacks High for himself? But he's married!" Fluttershy said, worried.

I blinked in confusion. What?

"She didn't mean that," Twilight said. "Please, Dash, promise me you won't cause any more trouble. It's really important this go well so we don't have a war. Please, I'm asking you as a friend."

How can I say no to that? Saying yes to her felt right. The same way it feels right when I pull off a fancy move. "Okay, I promise, no more wandering off, no matter how bored I get."

She relaxed. "Thanks, Dash. So tell me about how you made the cheese."

She got Spike to come and take notes; only now did I realize, she hadn't brought Spike in before. Probably so as to make it more private. Thanks, Twilight.

I told her about the whole adventure. She looked quite intrigued by my cheese-making. "Amazing," she said, studying my Element.

"I can feel it," I told her softly. "Like... Tell me what it's like when you feel magic."

"Oooh, that's hard to express in words." Twilight swayed gently back and forth, thinking. "It's kind of like with smell. I can smell magic, where it's been used, where it's being used. Well... it has more... like smell plus sight. So I can see it far away too. Whereas, you know with smells, you have to get close or have a favorable wind."

I nodded. "I can see how loyal you both are." It was comforting. "How you're trying to take care of us," I said softly.

"Let me try something," she said, reaching a hoof over to touch my element and then hers began to glow and I felt a spell reach into me and...

I could feel it. Magic, everywhere. In the train, in Fluttershy, in Twilight, in me. There was a powerful knot of magic at the core of each of us. Fluttershy's whole body was flush with it, due to her shapeshift.

Twilight's eyes widened. "Amazing," she said. "Congratulations," she said softly. "That's really special."

I grinned. "Yeah. Well, I am very special," I said; it wasn't pride, just honesty.

She let go and the spell faded. "I have to go see Rarity and Ma... Five Jacks High. Wish me luck," she said.

"Wait, we have to... oh wait, never mind." Can't gossip about Rarity and Five Man Band with Twilight. "Good luck."

"I'm sure it will be just fine," Fluttershy said.

Listening to the death should entertain me.

*************

BACK TO MARCUS-O-VISION:

Rarity and I were half-asleep when there was a knock on the door. "Come in," I mumbled.

Twilight strode in; I could see Spike lurking in the hallway. She closed the door. "We need to talk about... EEE!"

"No, we're just snoozing," I said and tried to sit up. This is much harder in this pony body. Rarity and I flailed about, then somehow got around to sit sphinx-style, which is way more comfortable than you'd think at a casual glance.

Rarity carefully adjusted her tiara. "How are you, darling?" she said groggily.

"I talked down your father," Twilight said. "He still hates Five Jacks High with all the hate in the world, but there won't be any more of his men hitting on you." She sighed.

"Good," I said firmly.

"Of course, it would help if you didn't stupidly run off on your own with Dash and get yourself and her hurt!" Twilight said angrily.

I grimaced. "I didn't realize it would get so ugly," I said defensively. Yeah, we came close to getting totally screwed and I now had fresh scars to prove it.

Rarity frowned. "I am going to have to lecture Dash on not putting you in danger."

"Don't bite her head off. I'm a big boy, I made my own mistakes." I sighed. "We decided together."

Rarity frowned and Twilight said, "Well, you need to decide to NOT do it again. Because we have to be very careful. I would have thought you of all people would understand that." She sounded disappointed.

I try to be bold once and it gets me in trouble. This is why I'm not bold. "I'll be more careful," I told her. "But I couldn't let Dash go alone."

"You should have come and told us," Twilight said firmly.

"I was *very* worried," Rarity said to me, idly playing with my mane.

"I'm sorry," I told her, now feeling guilty.

"And you got hurt," Twilight said, sounding guilty herself. "Were you trying to prove to Rarity's father you could be brave?"

"I'm tired of being so afraid," I told the mattress.

"You are not a coward," Rarity said fiercely. "When it matters, you are a lion. A LION. Do not let anyone else tell you otherwise." She kissed my cheek. "Father is going to be an ass, but he'll come around. He just hasn't gotten to see you at your best."

I nuzzled Rarity and relaxed a little. "Is he always like this with your boyfriends?"

"I've never had a coltfriend he could stand," Rarity said, sighing. "But he'll come around. This time."

'This Time'. ACK.

"If Five Jacks High doesn't get himself KILLED," Twilight said firmly.

"I won't do it again," I told her mournfully.

"Wanting to be braver is good. But one can be too brave too," Twilight said.

"I remembered some more about one of my past lives, when I was a dwarf," I told her. "I was able to call up knowledge from him when I needed it most."

"Oooh, tell me about that," Twilight said excitedly, so I told her everything. Rarity began working on repairing my damaged suit, though she listened.

I told her the whole thing as well as I could remember.

"You'll need to learn to tap that knowledge, I think, as part of your path," Twilight said to me. "I think you'd gotten pretty close to finishing before it all went to hell."

"Yes," I said. "Once this whole business with Marjorie is done, I am going to talk to Celestia and Luna about it. But I think they hope that all of you will walk those roads together."

I hope I'm not saying too much. But they should know.

Rarity looked surprised but also intrigued. "All of the Elements?"

"Being guided to an artifact by an Immortal is often part of the start of a path. We'll be a powerful bloc," I said. "Most immortals start out alone with no allies or just a friend or two." But given some of Celestia's big plans... we'll need them.

Twilight looked lost in thought.

"Twilight, dear, are you okay?" Rarity asked.

"Wondering what it will be like," Twilight said softly.

"We'll spend our days jacking Halav's chariot, no doubt," I said and they all laughed. "I'm ready to have a purpose again," I said firmly. "I've let the world shave me down almost to nothing, but I want to push back. To be free of the chains I've wrapped myself with. It's weird... being angry at Captain Keen Eyes... I normally never let myself care that much, but that was a mistake. I want to care even if it scares me." IT SCARES ME.

But I had no fear, and that... was wonderful.

"I never... okay, I did want to be special," Twilight said, talking to the bed instead of to us. "But this goes beyond that."

"I know," I told her. "But there are very few pony immortals; your nation needs you. Celestia needs you."

"I will do my best," she said with determination.

"Of course you will," Rarity said. "I put my trust in you."

"Thanks," Twilight said, embarrassed. "Anyway, Five Jacks High, I need you to try to avoid angering Captain Keen Eyes or running off on your own or with Dash or anyone else. We have to stick together and be careful so this mission succeeds. I know you don't like him; you haven't seen him at his best, though. And he is trying to do his job. So please be patient."

"I will try," I told her. But he really gets my goat.

"Okay, you two can... finish snuggling...," she squeaked out. "I'll go plan my speech."

"I'd be happy to go over it with you," I told her. "Persuading people is one of my talents. And Rarity could likely punch up the elegance of it."

"I would be happy to help you of course," Rarity said to Twilight.

"Thanks," she said. "I'll see you later!"

She fled and we went back to snuggling and dozing.

************

We were into the desert by dinner time. There's a strip of rocky desert between the grasslands and the great magical oasis of Sayr Ulan. The border and the climate zone shift are the same thing and you can FEEL it. While we had pegasi on the train, it moves too fast for them to engage in effective weather control and pretty quickly, the train heated up; we had sweat with our dinner.

The coming of night was a relief, and moreso when we entered Sayr Ulan's massive magical oasis, another climate controlled area. The last twenty miles or so ran through lush grass and rich farms, orchards, and gardens. Exotic animals grazed and roamed about; Fluttershy waved at them all.

The city itself is large and powerful, home to thirty thousand people. It would likely be much larger if so much of Sind wasn't wasteland. A thousand springs created by clerics and maintained by high-caste Sindhi and Ponies keeps this whole region green and fertile and the city is full of water to a degree many outsiders (and the Ylari) envy.

The train station sticks out like a sore thumb, made of wood in a city of stone, brick, and adobe. We arrived at night and were greeted by a small party led by a grey-coated, black maned stallion in exquisite clothing with a FOUR TIERED HAT. I was struck dumb with utter jealousy, especially when three tiny clockwork ponies could be seen circling the three lower tiers.

"I am Baron Golden Star," he said; his cutie-mark was a golden six pointed star. "We of the embassy here are quite pleased to be graced with your presence, lords and ladies in the service of Celestia. Let it be henceforth known that we shall endeavour in all things to further your delicate diplomatic mission and to maintain the secrecy urged upon us by Celestia. You can be sure of the discretion of my staff and your safety under our protection." A stack of papers floated next to his head, for he was a unicorn. An Earth Pony mare stood next to him in a somewhat less magnificent suit and a simple black conical hat with a narrow brim. She had two boxes in a mount on her back; as Baron Golden Star read his speech, each page floated into the empty box closer to her flanks.

"Thank you," Twilight began.

"And Luna," Ivan said. "You need to mention her too." His voice was firm.

The mare twitched, while Baron Golden Star showed no sign of noticing Ivan existed, let alone responding to him.

"On such a solemn occasion as the arrival of special envoys of Princess Celestia to bear an important, secret message which can be revealed to no one but the Radirajah himself, it is, of course, customary to offer a few remarks," Baron Golden Star continued. "Let us begin by remembering the many blessings which have been rained down upon us every day by Princess Celestia, who raises the sun and the moon each day and ensures they bless our fair land of Equestria, a realm so great that even those of other species flock to our flag." He nodded briefly at Fluttershy and Ivan.

"Princess Luna is in charge of the moon, you know," Ivan said, now clearly more aggravated.

The mare twitched again. Another page was disposed of and Baron Golden Star turned to the next.

Captain Keen Eyes flashed a series of short and bright pulses of light from his horn; his men began to fan out, the Pegasi spreading out over the station, the Earth Ponies forming a loose perimeter and the Unicorns clustering near us. Dash started to rise and Captain Keen Eyes grunted at her and she grimaced and landed.

"Hail Celestia Invictus, who blesses our land with the sun and the moon and the stars, by whose power, night and day are divided and the seasons turn regularly. Hail Celestia Invictus, who defeated the Feathered Serpent of Shadow and drove him into the depths beneath the world and imprisoned him. Hail Celestia Invictus, who drove the servants of Karaash from this land. Hail Celestia Invictus who defeated the Mare of the Moon. Hail..."

This went on and on while Ivan grew more and more irritated. Applejack looked bored out of her mind. Rarity took some measurements on Fluttershy and began modifying some dress patterns she had. Dash rocked on her feet like a metronome, looking ready to die. Twilight stood as if frozen JUST before she intended to speak. At times, she started to try to override the Baron.

Nothing could stop this man from talking.

He had two Earth Pony lancers, two Unicorn magi, and two Pegasi guards, all of whom looked as bored as us and lurked where he could not see this. His assistant looked apologetic.

Around page seven, Twilight said quickly, "Can we finish this at the embassy? We've come a long ways and this place is harder to secure."

"Fear not, Sayr Ulan is a city which is very safe! The Radirajah's guards protect it ably and unlike some human cities, there are no sewer monsters nor shambling undead hiding in closets or other places which might reasonably conceal shambling undead," Baron Golden Star said cheerfully. "Fear not, you will have plenty of time to sleep before delivering your secret message, by which I mean a message whose very existence must be concealed from the world at large. It is best we wait for the streets to finish cooling, as this station has a nice breeze."

Captain Keen Eyes flashed another signal to his men.

"Now, as I was saying... oh yes. Hail to the Elements of Harmony, whose mighty deeds are so mighty that they are also a secret, which cannot be revealed and shall not be revealed in this speech. Nonetheless, it is entirely meet and just that they might be chosen as special envoys for a message which is so secret that even it existing as a secret is itself information not to be generally revealed," he continued. "Next page," he said, discarding that one and calling up the next.

I let his hat hypnotize me, watching the little clockworks circle it while Rarity made her happy work noises and the cool night breezes began to blow. Pinkie was staring at Baron Golden Star as if he was beating her to death with a hammer and she made small whimpering noises in face of the onslaught. Twilight had a frozen smile and clearly was doing calculations of some spell in her head to avoid madness.

Hat... blah, blah, secret.... blah, blah, Hat, hospitality of the Radhirajah, caste, blah, priests, blah blah, Hat...

I only came out of it when I found myself in a room at the embassy. Rarity was asleep on the bed and I found myself next to it, just standing there, for no reason. So I changed into a night robe and went to bed, hoping this was NOT like the time I got mind controlled by mind flayers and ended up their slave for three months.

I soon fell asleep.

**************

Breakfast was a mix of fruit and these incredibly tasty stuffed rolls. They were were full of cauliflower, chillies, and coriander with ginger and red chili powder mixed in. They set your mouth on fire but they were really good.

"The speech did end, right?" I said.

"I don't know, I passed out from boredom," Rainbow Dash said. "Man, that guy just TALKS AND TALKS."

"It is the job of an ambassador," Baron Golden Star said behind her and she jumped. If he was offended, he showed no sign of it as he joined us. "I hope the food is to your taste."

"It's great," I said. "Kind of hot, but great."

Rarity carefully peeled an orange and seperated it into segments, giving me half. "Thank you for this meal," she said graciously.

"I merely do my duty," he said humbly, then began eating himself, lifting the food with his magic.

Twilight made the 'manners' gesture at everyone and everyone began fumbling around trying to be elegant, though Ivan and Fluttershy simply ate with their hands, causing Baron Golden Star to stare.

"What?" Ivan said irritably.

"You would be well advised to know that the inhabitants of this country regard eating with your hands as a sign of being low caste." He nodded at the knife and fork and spoon by the plate. "Even something like this."

Ivan showed Fluttershy how to do it, though he looked more irritable now. "You left Princess Luna out of your speech."

"Diplomacy is Princess Celestia's concern," Baron Golden Star said smoothly between bites. "She is also best not mentioned while you are here."

Ivan narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Some self-proclaimed prophet of Luna has been making the rounds urging the Ponies here to revolt and subject the humans to their will," he said. "Saying Ponies are a higher form of life than humans and ought to be at the top of the caste ladder. There's always some sort of lunatic like this, but this one has some of the humans rather agitated, and they'll be watching you closely."

"Frankly, this screwed up caste system deserves someone to toss a match and let it burn," Ivan said, frowning.

"M'lord Ivan, you are, of course, free to say what you like, but you might wish to consider the expression of such sentiments is likely to be conducive to the failure of your mission, though I can, of course, only speculate," Baron Golden Star said, turning his head to study Ivan with a single eye. "I take it you are a devotee of the Princess."

"You could say that," Ivan said, then carefully ate another of the cauliflower rolls.

"They went dancing together! She's a really good dancer!" Pinkie said excitedly.

Baron Golden Star's nostrils flared a moment and he ate quietly.

"We do have to be careful," Twilight said. "Have the arrangements been made to see the Radhirajah?"

"In one week," he said.

"One WEEK?" Dash squeaked out.

We are going to go crazy cooped up in here.

"It is not easy to secure a private audience with the Radhirajah when one cannot explain the nature or purpose of the message to be delivered," Baron Golden Star said regretfully, then poured himself more orange juice.

I can't tell if he's being obstructionist or it's just his nature. I think he's annoyed he doesn't know the message.

Twilight frowned at her food, continuing to eat.

"I could have gone back to my farm for a while if I'd known about this," Applejack grumbled. "I hate leaving Big Mac to do all the work at the farm."

"Spike, darling, can I ask you to send a few letters for me?" Rarity said to him. "I need to get information from some clients so I can work on their projects while I am here."

"I'd love to!" he said, pausing from wolfing down food. "Hey, where do dragons fit into this system, anyway?"

"Generally the warrior caste," Baron Golden Star said unusually succinctly. "You'd have to have a few more magical skills to be treated as part of the magical caste. Duchess Twilight, on the other hand, would, in theory, be part of that, but she is a Pony, and thus of the lowest caste. Being foreigners, however, you all will be treated as higher than a tradesman but lower than a warrior. Except for the humans. Count Ivan will be viewed as a warrior if he dresses appropriately and Countess Fluttershy as a member of the magical caste."

"Oh, I should take a cover name too," Fluttershy said.

"Filippa. It means 'lover of horses'," Ivan said. "We could pretend to be siblings."

"Oh, that's very kind of you," Fluttershy said, smiling. "Filippa it is! Do you have a family name?" she asked.

Ivan paused a moment. "I am Ivan, son of Gorya, making me Ivan Goryaov. You would be Filippa Goryaova."

She smiled and took his hand for a moment and squeezed it. "I always wanted a brother," she said, looking very happy.

The pink hair is a bit of a give away, though. On the other hand, druids do weird things to their appearance all the time.

A week.

I looked at Dash; she looked trapped like a rat in a cage.

Oh yeah, this is going to be a pain.

***********

We couldn't wait for a week. But the need to avoid trouble mostly confined us. But only mostly.

Ivan and Fluttershy slipped out together that night to gather intelligence, her to talk to animals and him to poke around with his mad sneaking skills. Which I could have joined him but I'm not very sneaky in this body, dammit.

Dammit, if that duck betrays them, I will be very angry.

Instead, I teamed up with Spike and Twilight to work on scrying for our evil twins. Unfortunately, something (MARJORIE or the duck) was protecting them, dammit. So we worked on magics for detecting shifters.

Somehow, I woke up in bed after... Did I fall asleep on Twilight's floor? That's nostalgic.

"Next time, come to bed," Rarity told me.

"It was just like old times," I mumbled.

She cuddled up to me. "We are going to get very lazy like this," she said regretfully.

"A little vacation doesn't hurt," I told her. "If we don't find something for Dash to do, she's going to DIE."

"Is everything good?" Lt. Far Sight asked. He's a pegasus stallion, the second in command, and he is after my Rarity.

FAT CHANCE, Far Sight!

"We're fine, Lieutenant," Rarity said. "Just like fifteen minutes ago."

"The one time I didn't ask would be the time someone's hurt or on fire," he said. "Carry on." He headed off.

"While I do have my work, I am going to go crazy," Rarity said. "Father was never this bad with my past boyfriends."

"You should see if there is a spa we could go to. We could probably do with extra grooming before the ceremony, anyway. Surely we can't get in trouble at the spa, right?" I said.

"That is a wonderful idea, darling," she said enthusiastically. "Let's go find out."

*************

"You won't find one which services Ponies. There are places to get a trim and so on but they're very pedestrian," Baron Golden Star said. "I'm sorry."

Dammit, I thought.

Checking in with Ivan and Fluttershy was, at least, more interesting. "There's several prophets," Fluttershy said. "It's hard to be sure with animals, but she's been seen around the city by several animals at the same time. They always describe her as black with blue mane, wearing a moon amulet."

Twilight frowned. "Could be illusions or shapeshifting. Or maybe teleporting since the animals can't give precise times."

"It's probably the Elements of Power stirring trouble. Or the shapeshifters," Applejack said, frowning.

"Or both," Spike pointed out.

We'd all rendezvoused in Twilight and Spike's room to discuss what we knew.

"We know Clarity eventually... helps to lead an army against Equestria," I said, frowning.

Rarity looked quite angry. "It's not going to come to that. I can't even imagine how any version of me could betray Equestria like that."

"Someone probably waved enough gold under her nose," Spike said, then sighed and grumbled about Spikey.

"You're a better man than him," Fluttershy said firmly to Spike, patting his hand.

"Thanks, Fluttershy," he said, smiling.

"Call me Filippa while I am in human form," Fluttershy told her.

"Filippa," he said, then looked thoughtful. "We need some treasure. We can probably bait her with it if she's out there."

"Ooh," I said. "Good thinking, Spike. We all have some treasure left from the adventure, right?" I said.

"I sent mine to the farm with Big Mac and just kept enough for personal expenses," Applejack said.

"I put mine in my account for when I have to commission a platinum torc," Fluttershy said. "And I bought a lot of socks for some mice friends who are having cold feet at night."

Where do you buy socks for mice?

"I put mine in my savings account, of course," Twilight said.

"I ate my share, except for the ones I put in my vault at Twilight's tower to eat later," Spike said.

"I put the coins in my savings account but I have my gems," Rarity said.

"Mine's mostly hidden in my house at home," Dash said.

"I spent most of mine on more potion and some other little tricks," Ivan said.

"And..." Pinkie began, but Ivan put a hand over her mouth and they started wrestling around. "Mine's in the bank too except for the big sack of astral sugar I had shipped home from Canterlot for later!"

'Astral' Sugar? Now I'm intrigued. "I have all of mine except what I spent on clothing or Rarity," I said. "I guess Rarity and I will have to put up the bait loot," I continued reluctantly. My precious treasure. But ideally it won't be lost.

"I have a perfect idea!" Pinkie said. "Hold on, I have to take Ivan down first, though."

"I'll help!" Dash said, jumping into the melee.

"No, I can't let you doubleteam my brother!" Fluttershy shouted and...

Jumped in.

We all stared, unable to believe what we were seeing.

"Oh no!" Fluttershy said as what she'd done sank in, but soon she was laughing as Rainbow Dash tickled her and they rolled around on the ground.

"Stop before something breaks!" Twilight said urgently.

They all sat up, laughing, and Rainbow Dash said, "Thanks, Fluttershy."

"Filippa," she said.

"Philip," Rainbow Dash said. "I mean Flipper. Filippa!" She rubbed her head. "Wow, you actually tackled me. But then you gave up."

"I should have asked if it was okay, first," Fluttershy said, embarrassed.

"It was fine," Rainbow Dash said. She relaxed. "I needed that."

"Are you all okay?" one of Keen Eyes' stallions said.

"We're fine!" Twilight said. "No one was wrestling at all!"

Silence.

"Okay, Duchess Sparkle," the stallion said hesitantly.

"We're fine," Fluttershy said. "Don't worry, we're okay."

"Yes, ma'am," he said. I could hear faint noises, probably a salute, and then he left.

"I could find us some more gems with my magic," Rarity said.

"But all the gems inside this city are likely already claimed," Applejack said. "I guess we could head out and dig some out of the plateau, then come back. Beats sittin' around here for a week."

"I have an idea," Pinkie said. "It'll take us several days but with Twilight's super magic, we can MAKE some fake gems. It takes a lot longer to make real ones but these just have to look shiny long enough to distract her. Applejack, we get to FARM TOGETHER!"

Applejack's head came around excitedly. "Really?"

"I will teach you all the ANCIENT ART OF ROCK FARMING!" Pinkie said. She paused, then said, "Wow, I'm actually wanting to do this. I always hated rock farming."

I laughed. "Because this time you feel a purpose to it, right?"

"Yeah," Pinkie said, still stunned. "Hmm, I wonder if I could get one of my sisters to come help. Or even Father. He would be so proud."

"We can bill it to the Crown for our mission," Twilight said. "Setting a trap for Clarity is an appropriate use of our expense account. We could announce that 'rare jewels' will be on display, tempt her to steal it."

This is where I expected the CMC to pop up and offer to build a trap but they were still in Canterlot... or better at resisting exposing themselves.

Man, they could be watching us ALL THE TIME and with those cloaks we might never know.

That duck...

Okay, TOO PARANOID now.

I can see it has its beady left eye on me all the time, though.

Relax. "So how do we grow gems?"

"Spike, get ready to take a letter. It's time to summon Pinkie's father," Twilight said.

************

We spent the rest of the day and into the next getting things ready. The embassy had a garden, which we were going to have to destroy, quickgrow rocks in it, then restore to normal.

I hope we have time for it.

Pinkie was bouncing around, directing everyone. It was good to actually DO something, hard as the work was. Rarity and I both watched our gems get planted as seeds and felt rather... nervous.

Pinkie had somehow gotten a hat like Applejack's; Applejack was... so happy. I mean, she's not normally grim or anything but as we shovelled and dug and moved plants and took care of them in the pots we put them in, she was... in her element. Seeing her and Pinkie do this had... you had a feeling the world approved of it. I don't know how to describe it.

Singing work songs made the work easier; I don't understand that, but though I was exhausted by the end of our first day, it was a good kind of exhausted. Rarity was utterly filthy and so was I. We all took a very long bath; Captain Keen Eyes' men had to drag half of us (including me) out of the hot soaking tub afterwards. I fell asleep in it.

Then Rarity, Twilight, and I got to play power pump on the second day; by the time Pinkie's father arrived in the evening (he'd left his home southeast of East Point the day before.), we were all utterly exhausted. I prayed he'd say 'eyup, you're good' and not 'you all totally blew it, blow up this farm and start over'.

I'm also hoping we actually have time to LAY A TRAP before the meeting.

It didn't help that Captain Keen Eyes would watch me work and make grunty noises of disapproval. Bite me!

However, he also had several of the earth ponies help us and that was a big help.

Pinkie's father, who turned out to be named Clyde Pie, was a stern looking dark coated and maned pony with... a HAT. Seeing that made me know he could not be all bad, whatever might happen. His saddlebags were so full that tools actually stuck out of them.

He studied my hat for a moment and nodded approvingly. I was quite pleased. "Pleasure to meet you all," he said sternly, studying us. "And thank you for inviting me to assist you in this mission for the Queen. I'm glad to do my duty to Equestria." He bowed, pony-style, then turned to Pinkie. "Good to see you are well," he said sternly.

Pinkie pounced on him and hugged him. "Hi, Daddy!"

"Hello, daughter," he said weakly, looking a little embarassed.

Blinky Pie was slightly younger than Pinkie, greyish-purple coated with a long gray mane pulled into a pony-tail and a dark blue kerchief. Her mane in front had much the same style as Twilight, right down to a pink stripe in the same place as Twilight's streak. She also wore a bright pink scarf with grey rocks on it; I bet Pinkie gave her that. "Nice to meet you all," she said seriously. "Hello, sister."

Pinkie pounced on her now, hugging her tightly. "This is going to be wonderful. We only have a few days to make enough gems to draw in Rarity's evil twin sister!"

"We can't make very good gems at all in so short a time. They take a long time to mature," Clyde said. "It's why we focus on granite, limestone, and iron ore. Though we should get our decennial gem harvest from the northeast forty in about two years. Just in time for Mother's sixtieth, like I planned."

"We have a plan to hyperstimulate growth, but we needed to consult an expert rock farmer, sir," Twilight said seriously. "I'm Twilight Sparkle."

"Duchess Twilight Sparkle," Pinkie said.

Twilight turned a little red.

"And I'm her faithful companion Spike. I'm a baby Amethyst dragon," Spike said.

Clyde raised an eyebrow. "Don't you eat gems?"

"Yes, but I promise not to eat them until AFTER we trap the evil twin," Spike said; his drooling did not help his case.

Clyde looked worried, then studied all of us. "Well, we have quite the herd to work with. So tell me about your theory," he said to Twilight.

As we headed back to the embassy, Twilight rambled on while Clyde listened or made a grunt for emphasis. Then he began barraging her with technical questions about heat and soil conditions and the weather and acidity of the local water and a lot of things which went WAY over my head.

Rarity and Pinkie, in fact, had to help Twilight, who clearly was outgunned in this area. Which I suppose makes sense. Applejack also pitched in.

Blinky didn't talk much, just looked at things and listened. Her cutie mark was a drum. Curiously, I asked, "So what does your cutie mark mean?"

"I can feel out the ground by playing my drum; it tells me many things about the soil from how the ground shakes and my beats echo. I can break things too if I have to," Blinky said, then studied mine. "What does yours mean, Five Jacks High?''

"I am a jack-of-all-trades," I told her. "I do many things modestly well, instead of the normal being very focused on one thing. And I am a wizard."

She studied my legs and I looked down at them. "Is something wrong?"

"You look unusually strong for a unicorn," she said.

"Well, I'm not a soldier but the soldier unicorns are certainly strong," I told her.

"They all glare at you," she observed.

I laughed nervously.

"It's going to require a large amount of fire in order to get the proper shine on the rubies," Rarity said up ahead, continuing her conversation.

"FIRE," Spike said urgently, then breathed it.

"It will take a lot more fire than that," Clyde said.

"I can augment his fire," Twilight said, then launched into a long technical discussion of it.

"I'm not on the best of terms with Captain Keen Eyes, because I am seeing his daughter, Rarity."

"You... oh," she said. "He's not pleased by how well you 'know' his daughter," she said, smiling a little.

Dammit, this is probably some Kagyarite joke I don't know. "Yes," I said, hoping she wouldn't now condemn me as a heretic or something.

"Fathers are never happy when their daughters 'know' a stallion too well," she said amiably.

AHH.

Ahahaha.

"So this is to catch a copy of your fillyfriend?" she said.

"Yes," I told her. "Named 'Clarity'. She's very hard-working but also rather greedy and addicted to gems."

"Is there a copy of Pinkie?" she said softly, studying her sister, who was rattling on about crystal structure formation and bouncing around her stolid father as he ambled along.

"Named Pinkamena," I said. "She's a very skilled manipulator of people and her imaginary friends are real. And kind of grim and lonely."

Pinkie rose up between us somehow. She put a hoof over each of us, walking along on two legs. "She is our sister, Blinky, and I am going to save her and her friends." She was very serious to a degree unusual for her. "It's going to be long and hard but I don't care. So how are you, Blinky?"

"I am fine," Blinky said. "I have become a very good drummer and I continue to study hard so I can inherit the farm. And I've been going trotting with Rising Horizon."

"What, the colt with the glasses and the buck teeth and the big nose?" Pinkie said in surprise.

"His nose is quite pleasing, I like his glasses and he had his teeth corrected after you ran away from home," Blinky said irritably. "And he's a stallion now. We're not kids any more. Are you trotting with someone?"

I wondered idly if that was a colloquiallism of their area or a general one I hadn't heard.

"Well, I did kiss one of the unicorns to see what it's like, but he's afraid the Captain will kill him if we do it again," Pinkie said.

"You just kissed some soldier to see what it was like?" Blinky said, horrified.

"What?" Clyde said. His gaze fixed on Pinkie.

Pinkie jumped into the middle of our group and spun on her hindlegs, forelegs extended.

o/~ I kissed a boy and I liked it,

o/~ The taste of his minty cologne

o/~ I kissed a boy just to try it

o/~ I hope my friends don't mind it.

The length of hay that Clyde had been chewing fell out of his mouth.

"Why would we care?" Rainbow Dash asked, confused. You and me both.

o/~ It felt oblong, it tasted right

o/~ Don't mean I'm in love tonight!

o/~ I kissed a boy

o/~ And I liked it, I liked it!

Clyde stopped moving and stared, mouth open wide.

Blinky stopped moving, crouched down and hid her face, mumbling about having to move to the moon.

"Oblong? What on earth did you kiss?" Ivan said, confused.

"Pinkie doesn't know what oblong means," Blinky said through her hooves, still crouched. "She just likes the sound of it. It's a rectangle which isn't a square, by the way."

I thought a rectangle was not a square by definition.

"Obbbbblloooong," Pinkie said. "It's GREAT."

"Pinkie, you can't just go kissing random soldiers!" Clyde protested. "What will people think? People will TALK."

"Ponies all talk, you know," Rainbow Dash said to him slowly and confused. "Whether or not Pinkie kisses a soldier. Was he good, Pinkie?"

"Pretty good," she said. "His name has been concealed to protect the innocent, though."

Except there's only ten possible targets and if Captain Keen Eyes hears of this... there will be death.

Clyde looked at the soldiers escorting us, who ALL tried to pretend none of this had ever happened. Captain Keen Eyes was back at the embassy, thankfully. Clyde then looked at Dash. "I am, in fact, a talking pony, in case my hat confused you."

"She probably was confused by its high quality and the fineness of the felt," I said. "And the stitching."

"It is nicely assembled," Rarity said, smiling.

"Rarity made my hat for me," I said. "For which I am quite grateful."

"Is it one of them?" Clyde said, looking at the soldiers.

"We're not deaf, you know," one of the earth pony lancers said irritably.

"Your mother is going to fret about this forever, Pinkie," Clyde said mournfully.

"It's no big deal," I told him. "Whoever it was, he and Pinkie had a little fun, no one got hurt or pregnant, so what does it matter?"

Twilight mumbled, but then said, "Five Jacks High is right. As long as he wasn't slacking on duty or anything, it doesn't matter."

Pinkie sang about sweet boy kisses under a summer night of stars.

"Amen to that," Applejack said sagely. "T'aint nothing wrong with kissing a boy or three," she said to Clyde.

Clyde mumbled about the wild, high life of Ponyville and Manehattan.

"C'mon, silly sister," Pinkie said, nudging Blinky. "It's time to go. I know you kissed a boy too."

"It's different with him," Blinky mumbled and finally rose back up.

Clyde shook his head. "Being a parent is never easy." He sighed, then turned to Twilight. "Was we discussing rubies?"

"Rubies," Rarity said musically. "One of the most beautiful of gems."

"I fancy opals m'self," Clyde said.

"Opals do have their place, but they don't glitter and shine enough," Rarity said.

"A man can't have shine in his face when he's workin'," Clyde said.

"Amen to that," Applejack said.

We ambled on as they discussed the beauty of gems and I enjoyed a break from the work before, no doubt, yet more work.

*************

We worked until dinner, then into the night. Earth ponies can be kind of relentless and we had to redo a lot of work; it's clear Pinkie hasn't done this in a while. Her father seemed pleased by her effort, though.

"See what you've got here? The beryl's angled wrong, so if it keeps growing, it's going to spike right through the topaz and disrupt it entirely," he pointed out as I lit up the hole they were peering down.

Blinky was busy banging on her drum; the ground vibrated constantly and she would announce things, leading us to drill more holes down to make changes. Or dig them.

Rainbow Dash liked the drill as she could tie herself to it, then fly in a circle at high speed and operate it. I could see several of the pegasi soldiers watching her work. Too bad, boys, she's taken.

Good luck competing with a Wonderbolt.

Pinkie suddenly turned to her father. "Where's Inkie?"

He sighed. "Decided she's an elf," he said mournfully.

"An elf?" I asked.

"Blah, blah, I was born to frolic and play in the forest and sing and dance and not move rocks around, my true elven soul revolts at these chains, blah blah, blah." Clyde sighed. "She dyed her coat green, renamed herself Arwen Moonshadow, then hopped the train to Darokin City to go to Alfheim and 'join her people'. I expect they'll ship her back in a few months with a note asking us to not let her do it again." He looked at Pinkie and they both looked rather uncomfortable, then he sighed. "What's done is done. The Cakes write us every week to let us know how you're doing since you usually forget."

Pinkie cringed. "I never know what to say. Parties never sound so cool on paper as they are in reality." She sounded guilty.

"You could, at least, *try* to convey it," he said. "What's next, Blinky?"

"I expect Pinkie will cry to try to make you feel guilty," Blinky said, frowning.

"I mean with the rock work," Clyde said patiently.

Pinkie made a gurgly noise, trying not to cry.

"There is something suspiciously like rock candy intermixed with the emeralds," Blinky said. "I can't imagine why."

"It's so delicious," Spike mumbled.

"Show me where to drill!" Dash said excitedly and soon dirt was flying everywhere.

"You shouldn't rag on your sister so much," Applejack said to Blinky.

"I work hard and no one cares I exist, she goofs off and gluts herself and is a great heroine of Equestria," Blinky said irritably, continuing to bang her drums and at times, kick a cymbal. She kicked one drum and banged the other with a stick held in her tail.

Applejack opened her mouth, then shut it for a few seconds. Then she said, "Farming isn't something you do for glory and recognition. But without us, people would die. You gotta have food. I'm proudest of my farm, but no one cares about that." She watched Dash work. "You're gonna get the farm eventually, right?"

"Yes. And I'll need to find someone to marry. I hope things work out with Rising Horizon, but he's not the first stallion I've gone trotting with," Blinky said.

I listened curiously while I carefully churned a patch of soil with a kind of rake thing. I'm not sure why I am doing this but Clyde and Blinky seem to know what they're doing, so I kept it up, moving the rake with my magic, though I was getting worn out.

Blinky switched beats and cocked her head. "There's a snake at point 28, 23, depth twenty feet."

"Twenty feet?" Clyde said. "How the hay is a snake digging that deep? WHY?"

"It's slowly heading towards 28, 22," she said. This is some sort of coordinate system they understand intuitively and I just follow orders to follow it.

Fluttershy, who had been directing the embassy pets in digging said, "Show me where."

Blinky blinked, then pointed. Fluttershy ambled over and began to sing. The snake soon rose out of the dirt, then coiled itself around her gently; it was a huge constricter with golden and black scales; she caressed its head and spoke to it with sibilant whispers.

Blinky stared, eyes wide.

"Don't tell me you've never seen a druid," Applejack said, surprised.

"I thought she was some sort of trainer. There aren't many druids in the Big Apple Province," Blinky said. "Don't those things normally crush people? Or do they like humans?"

Fluttershy now caressed the serpent with her wings and it made happy noises. I had a very odd feeling and tried to figure out why.

Ivan made odd noises and went to help Twilight with... something big and magical that I couldn't tell what it was but it stuck down in the ground a lot. I'm not sure how he could help but it was suddenly urgent.

"Sssississis says he was sent to spy on us by my sister," Fluttershy said, stroking the serpent gently. "But he got lost tunneling his way in. He's got a little spell or three on him. But he's going to stay with me now."

"Is she the prophet?" I asked.

"He's never seen her look like the Prophet or preach about Luna," Fluttershy said.

"He's probably a plant," I told her.

Fluttershy blinked. "Five Jacks High, he's an animal."

"Yeah, Five Jacks High, he's a snake. They're not plants, you know," Pinkie said a little chidingly.

"Yeah, plants don't move under their own power," Dash said, shaking her head. "Ergo, not a plant."

Twilight made a noise. "Homonyms, it's a homonym, everyone."

"How do you even tell what gender a snake is, anyway?" Dash asked.

"..." What?

"He certainly..." Ivan trailed off into an odd noise.

"I mean, he meant 'plant' as in 'spy'," Twilight said a little lecturingly.

"Why not just say spy?" Dash asked.

Damn you, Thyatian and your homonyms. Thyatian is the most commonly spoken language in this region. When Darokin adopted it as their official language, it gave it a further boost. Thyatians like to absorb foreign words and integrate them into Thyatian. The result is that it is full of words which sound the same but mean different things, homonyms.

"Because... I don't know," I said irritably. "It was just the first word that came to mind."

I could smell everyone get worried. I am not going to totally freak out. Just aggravated.

Fluttershy looked embarrassed. "I'm sorry, Five Jacks High," she said apologetically. "I should have realized that."

I relaxed a little. "It's okay," I told her. I could feel everyone relax... smell them relaxing... as I relaxed. I can see how stampedes get started.

Pinkie suddenly said, "I guess Mom is home tending the farm?"

"Someone's got to ensure the rocks gather no moss," Clyde said. "I expect Five... what is your name again?"

"Five Jacks High," I told him.

He studied me with one eye. "Five Jacks High is right, I reckon. Likely he's the spy meant to be caught so we don't notice the REAL spy." He looked up at the air. "Blinky, any chance..."

"Not unless it's really big," she said. "My talent doesn't go that way."

"Two of my unicorns are experts in ECM," Captain Keen Eyes said.

I jumped, having not noticed him coming.

"They'll find any invisible or phasing spies," Captain Keen Eyes continued.

"ECM?" Dash asked, confused.

"Espionage Counter-Measures," Captain Keen Eyes said. "I knew something like this would happen, if not the details. We put anti-scrying wards over the embassy; the ones it had weren't very good. But they won't stop a physical, well hidden spy."

"It's not impossible someone on the staff has been charmed or possessed or just bribed," Twilight said, frowning.

"None of the staff are watching us, though," I said. "Right now, anyway."

"Well, we should get back to work, let the experts handle it," Clyde said, then looked at Twilight. "But you're the boss, ma'am."

"Captain, would you like me to help your men?" Twilight said to him.

"I'm sure they'd be glad to have your assistance," Captain Keen Eyes said.

Twilight went off with him and the rest of us went to work.

***************

If there was another spy, we didn't catch him, but Fluttershy adopted the snake as her pet, naming him Slither. There's something just odd about someone walking around with a constrictor on them which is being cuddly instead of murderous.

I slept like a rock and the next morning, we all had breakfast and went to work. Twilight, Rarity and I were fairly zonked by lunchtime from the amount of magic we had to pour in; some of the military unicorns helped. Clyde was amazed by the results; Applejack looked like she felt it was cheating. Necessary cheating but cheating.

At lunch, we were joined by the ambassador, Baron Golden Star. "How is the project coming?" he asked us.

"Well," Twilight said. "We should be able to lay our trap and clean it all up before we see the Radhirajah."

"That's good," he said. "We're going to have to... do something to reinforce the embassy vault. There's been a robbery at the Thyatian Embassy."

Fluttershy's duck was watching me, but I ignored him. Stupid duck. I blinked. "Really?"

"Someone tunneled up under the embassy and lowered the vault down into their tunnel and them made off with everything in it," Baron Golden Star said. "I have of course assured them that no one involved with our embassy would do such a thing," he said, gaze sweeping across us meaningfully.

"After all the work we did yesterday, I don't think any of us could steal another biscuit," Dash said.

"I wouldn't go robbin' an embassy, tired or not," Applejack said, frowning at Baron Golden Star.

"Of course not, Countess," he said smoothly. "I merely informed you of my course of action. Hopefully, there will be no more incidents."

"Any clue who did it?" I asked. "It could be Clarity. Or one of the other Elements of Power."

"The only clue is four beads of rhodolite strung on a string," Baron Golden Star said. "And a silver Minrothad coin but I expect it was just planted to throw suspicion on them."

I snorted. HAH!

He looked at me, and I said, "Long story, sir."

"I don't think it was the Elements," Ivan said.

"Why?" Twilight said curiously.

"They'd frame us," Ivan said. "They likely know we're here," he continued. "And they might well frame us even if they didn't know. Someone would get enough of a look at Clarity or whoever that they'd recognize us if we showed up, so as to wreck our mission."

"Whatever exactly it is," Baron Golden Star said. "Beyond tearing up my garden."

"It's a secret," Twilight said apologetically.

"I'm surprised they haven't tried to frame us yet if they do know we're here," Applejack said, frowning. She poked at her rice with a spoon gripped clumsily between hooves. It was not easy to eat that way, but manners dictated it and Applejack struck me as someone too stubborn not to keep trying once she'd committed to something.

I bit down on a pepper. So tasty even if now my mouth will burn forever.

"It's a good question," Twilight said. "I suppose the Thyatians are unlikely to let us take a look around."

"I only know about the clues because I have connections," Baron Golden Star said.

"I will go poke around a bit," Ivan said. "I can do more good than with the rock farming."

"I'll come with you, brother," Fluttershy said. "Slither can help us."

I wish I knew if she is good at keeping a cover or has basically lost it.

"I'll candy up and come too," Dash said. "Much as I like the drill I NEED TO GET OUT OF THIS PLACE!" She paused. "Nothing personal, Baron Golden Star, but I am a Pegasus."

"Do we have anything for you to wear?" I asked.

"I DID bring formal clothing. The candy will convert that, right?"

"Yes," I said.

"We're good, then."

"I can't let you all roam around without any protection," Captain Keen Eyes said, frowning.

He had AGAIN slipped up on us. Or at least ME.

"Three is the most. We can't sneak with an army. Trust me, we'll be fine," Ivan said to him. "And if we aren't, I'll apologize later."

"If you get in trouble, I will be in trouble, whether you apologize or not," Captain Keen Eyes said. "I have to send SOMEONE with you."

"They're going to need to fake being human," Ivan said. "Got anyone who can handle that?"

"Me!" Pinkie said. "But I have to help farm."

"One of my Earth ponies, so he won't stand out," Captain Keen Eyes said. "You'll need to hide Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash's wings unless you want to stand out, though."

"I can fold them in close and put clothing over them, right?" Dash said.

"You really want to go, I see," Applejack said, amused.

"Even just walking around will be nice," Dash said.

"I'll find a suitable man to go with you," Captain Keen Eyes said.

Ivan frowned but nodded. "I'll come with you. Dash, get suited up."

The rest of us finished lunch and got back to work.

***************

Humanified Dash looked, in fact, like a Thyatian who fell into a pile of buckets of paint. She had olive skin and her usual short rainbow colored hair, with a golden laurel wreath and a rainbow-colored stola with golden sandals. Her stola was pinned with a golden storm and lightning bolt on her left shoulder. She was short and athletic of build.

She twirled nimbly on one foot. "How do I look?"

"You look great," I told her.

"You look like you could be Marcus' sister," Pinkie said.

"Hmm, that's true," Rarity said thoughtfully.

Dash did a little dance, swinging her arms around. "Not bad at all. So when does the soldier show up?"

"I'm right here," he said; like Dash, he looked Thyatian. Unlike Dash, he looked like an explosion in a clothing factory had caught him by surprise; his shirt was, in fact, on backwards. "I'm Private High Dive," he said, saluting. "My specialty is high altitude operations but I'm also a skilled scout."

"Darling, your outfit is a disaster," Rarity said. "Let me get you fixed up."

She dragged him away. Dash watched them go, then glanced at me.

I glanced back. What?

She blinked, then grabbed Ivan by the hands. "Come on, let's dance while we wait."

They were soon spinning around with a nimble grace I know I can't match in this form. I can handle moving around, thanks to the magic, but I can't do THAT.

Then again, she is an athlete.

I hope this mission goes smoothly.

**************

Ivan-O-Vision:

I hope High Dive knows his stuff. Him coming out with the shirt on backwards... let's hope it was a joke.

Really, this would be better with just Fluttershy and I, since she can shift and I can do it with my potion if I need to.

I hope Dash doesn't get impatient and screw this up for us.

"Dash, cartwheeling down the street isn't very sneaky," I told her.

"Sorry, I just need to move around," she said. "And call me Samus Julia! It's my cover name!"

"We need a cover name?" High Dive asked, then combed his unruly black hair again.

"You are now Antonius Pius, cousin of Samus Julia," Ivan said.

"Right," he said very seriously. Unlike Dash, who is rather a ham and rather... it's like she's always just drunk a pot of coffee. He was very sober and serious, which I guess is how Captain Keen Eyes likes it. He began looking around as we walked; he was dressed much like me, but without any weapons.

"So what's the plan?" Dash asked.

I have an idea but it's rather risky.

"Well, this will probably blow up in our face, but I am thinking we can drop by, you two can fake being Thyatian long enough to make inquiries about what's cool and what isn't in this town, if there is anywhere Thyatians should avoid and the like. Fillipa and I will be your Karameikan companions and while you two ask questions, Slither can spy and I can sneak around a bit."

"So we're the diversion," High Dive said carefully.

"Yes," I said. "Basically, your job is just to blather." I licked my lips nervously. While I see if what Luna taught me works without Luna around.

Having succeeded in part of my quest for Immortality, I've gained a new trick she taught me, which she learned from Asterius long ago. It worked in the fight, but...

Be confident.

I wish she was here, though. I'd feel more confident. At least I know they can all fight if everything goes to hell but let's pray it does not.

I fingered my ring; I spent some of my money on it; it's a silver ring with Asterius' holy symbol on it. Which is the moon.

I can do this. If I am going to be an immortal one day, I'll never get there by being worried. Trust my allies. Dash fights very well, but is too rash. Fluttershy is a great druid but not very assertive. High Dive is a trained soldier. Even if he can't use his biggest talent right now.

No freaking out, I told myself.

I feel in over my head sometimes.

A lot.

But I have to do this. Karameikos needs someone who will actually care about it. Asterius has told me to help Celestia and Luna for the moment, so I'm doing that. And I want to do it well. I tend to let others take the lead on things, so I'm not used to being in command.

But I have to get used to it, if I'm going to become an Immortal.

They're all looking at me. Hopefully, I am not showing panic.

Lead!

I led them off down the street; the embassies are all in the same district, along with businesses which cater to foreigners, like a very nice looking Karameikan style restaurant. In fact, Karameikos has an embassy here, next to the Thyatian.

"Okay, the first part of our cover," I told them, "is that we'll go into the Karmeikan embassy, do our 'wandering tourist' routine, but no spying. It'll just let us practice using our fake names."

"What's your fake name?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I don't need one, I'm not in disguise."

She shook her head. "You are now Petrov."

"Okay, I'm Petrov," I said, hoping I remember it.

The Karameikan embassy was small and simple. Sind has some trade with Karameikos but I suspect the consulate in Jahore, the main port, is much larger and more important. The reception desk had a single bored clerk who was busy writing a report. Short and dark haired, he studied us, then his eyes widened.

Hopefully, he thinks we are generic adventurers and is not an agent of some foe or thinks I am Erik or something.

Erik's one of my two oldest friends but sometimes I just want to beat him to death for being an idiot. He gets us in so much trouble, it is hard to believe. Honestly, the only reason he's still alive is the reincarnation thing. I'm stunned I've survived being around him so much.

"Hello, welcome, travellers," the clerk said nervously. "I am Vassily. A pleasure to meet you."

"A blessing on you and all your kin," I said, bowing. Fluttershy bowed as well; Rainbow Dash and High Dive bowed a few seconds later. "I am Petrov and this is my sister Fillipa. We are from Specularum; these are our friends Samus Julia and Antonius Pius from Kerendas in Thyatis." Kerandas is a major horse breeding region. I had a horse from there for a while until a chimera ate him.

"Nice to meet you, fellow human," Rainbow Dash said.

Dash, no human ever would say 'fellow human' to another. At least not when it's nothing but humans.

Vassily studied her hair with his dark eyes, blinking. "It's a pleasure to meet you, fair lady."

"I have a boyfriend!," Rainbow Dash squeaked.

"It's okay," High Dive said, putting a hand on her shoulder. "I'm not jealous that easy."

Okay, he was a good choice for this mission.

"A pity," Vassily said.

Interesting, I thought. "We just arrived and must confess we know little of how best to obtain lodging here suitable for outsiders like ourself."

What followed was a thirty minute lecture on Sind, cultures, lodging and how to avoid getting killed by touchy high-caste people. Very useful and I wish Baron Golden Star had bothered to tell us all this, though some of it we knew from Celestia.

I frankly think he's up to something but I don't know what. Or maybe he's just annoyed he hasn't been told the whole story.

Fluttershy petted her serpent the whole time while I tried to tell my body and brain to stop thinking things which could only lead to trouble.

Vassily every so often glanced nervously at the snake, but kept up his routine.

Dash didn't blow our cover and asked some useful questions. So maybe this will go well.

This really would have been better with less people but we use what we have.

Okay, time to hit the Thyatians.

*************

STILL IVAN-O-VISION:

There is a poster of Erik of Vestland with the fifty thousand gold reward just outside the front door of the Thyatian embassy. Which, by the way, Baron Golden Star DID NOT MENTION.

On the other hand, he doesn't know we have Erik with us.

Still, dammit.

Breathe, I told myself, and we went inside.

Another round of introductions; in the middle of the lecture from this embassy's clerk, Fluttershy and I 'went to the bathroom'. I cloaked us both in shadows and she sent her serpent to slip around while we snuck around unseen. As long as we don't touch anyone, this is a really powerful trick and I am pretty sure it involves magical cheating and my path of Immortality. I care more about it working than how.

I can't keep it up nearly as long as Luna can, though. And I need people to not be looking.

Fluttershy naturally moves softly and quietly, so we easily snuck around, listening to conversations and her using her druidic magic to look for shapeshifters.

We found one. The records clerk is actually a doppleganger. Marcus is going to totally freak over this.

Then Slither came back and Fluttershy spoke to him. Her breath caught. "Apple Blossom is in the Ambassador's office."

Oh great, now I have to come up with some kind of plan very, very fast.

"Just her?" I asked.

I want to sneak in and spy but if this wears off and we're in his office... crap.

"And Pinkamena," Fluttershy said softly.

Dammit. "And her friends?"

"No sign of them," she said.

Distantly, I heard Rainbow Dash say, "I have a great love of riding stallions!" She sounded rather dreamy.

The clerk made an odd noise.

Oh Marcus, you just can't resist any kind of woman, I thought.

We crept up to where I could try and listen through the wall from another office.

"My understanding is that the four rhodolites are a sign of the now disbanded Older Gang," Pinkamena said smoothly with her usual grimness. "As you'd expect, they're all in an old age home in East Point now. Each of the rhodolites symbolized one of the gang members. Fire, Earth, Air, Water. The four elements, of course."

"Of course," the ambassador said. "Could it be their descendents?"

"It's possible but if so, this is their first job that anyone noticed their bragging symbol," Pinkamena said.

She was lying about something. I could recognize the signs. But I don't know why. Well, possibly some of her friends robbed the place. She does have four imaginary friends who aren't imaginary.

"I assure you, the Bronze Shanti will find out who did this," Apple Blossom said with her oddly elegant voice. "We do not appreciate unauthorized crime in our city." I have no idea what a Bronze Shanti is; some sort of gang she must control. "We will adhere to all past agreements, of course."

Oh hoh, so it has an alliance with Thyatis but now Apple Blossom and her allies have taken it over. Probably as part of their overall takeover plan.

I wonder if the doppleganger is hers. But none of us can... "Can you read minds?" I whispered to Fluttershy.

She shook her head. "Only non-sentients," she said softly.

I licked my lips thoughtfully, then rubbed my forehead.

Best to just listen and see what we can find out.

************

Still IVAN-O-VISION:

Unfortunately, we'd missed most of the conversation and Fluttershy and I had to come back before people thought we'd died in the bathroom or something. To my utter surprise, Dash hadn't blown our cover yet.

Thanks be to Asterius. And Luna. And anyone else who may have helped.

We slipped out and I told them what we'd learned. "The Bronze Shanti are based in the Ward of the Shell, wherever that is," I told them. "I expect I'll be sneaking around there tonight."

"Oooh, fighting Sindhi gangsters. Never done that, but it should be COOL," Rainbow Dash said.

"We shouldn't provoke them until your message is delivered, or it might cause an incident," High Dive said very seriously.

"Come on, don't you want to cut loose?" she said to him, gesticulating wildly as she talked.

"I am a soldier. We only cut loose off duty for fun," he said. "And I know you are dating Soarin'." He sounded kind of jealous.

"I hope he's okay and thinking of me," Dash said. "I think about him all the time." She sounded embarrassed.

Fluttershy patted her shoulder. "Love feels wonderful, I know."

"Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Dash said curiously.

"I dated one of my fellow druids during my training for a while," Fluttershy said. "Dancing Elk was very kind and gentle." She smiled brightly. "But he went to North Marech and I was sent to Ponyville." She sighed. "But it's better to love and lose than not love at all." She glanced at me for some reason. Not a secret crush reason but it must be something love related.

I don't know why.

An ornate carriage pulled by an Earth Pony wearing blue and red livery trundled down the street; an irritated man with coppery skin kept cracking a whip over the pony's head, but the blue and yellow pony just trundled along slowly, looking tired and bored. And a little jumpy. "Faster!" the man shouted.

"This street is too rough to go fast," the Pony protested. You couldn't see his cutie mark, unless it matched the glimmering silver sword embossed on the livery. I doubted it.

Rainbow Dash frowned as did High Dive. Fluttershy frowned even more and Slither hissed at the man, while I frowned deeply. Dammit. We can't afford to intervene but I hate watching this.

"If we have to stop and Kal-iya Ajith gets out, you'll regret being so picky," the man on the driving bench said. "You should be glad to have this job, Corn Husker."

The pony made a nervous noise. "Please, don't fire me. My wife is sick and my children too young to work."

I could hear Dash breathing hard. High Dive grimaced, but put a hand on her shoulder. Slither was wildly climbing all over Fluttershy as if trying to hide from it. And Fluttershy stared in horror, mouth wide open.

"Then MOVE FASTER," the man said, then looked at us. "What are you all staring at? This is none of your business."

"Are you trying to make him break his leg?" Rainbow Dash said. She pointed at the cobblestone road. "It looks pretty but it's irregular and not safe for high speeds. How's he supposed to pull the carriage if he hurts himself?"

Corn Husker stared at her in surprise, mouth wide open.

"Speed up!" a man shouted from inside the carriage. Kal-iya Ajith no doubt. Dammit.

"Don't worry, I'll be okay," Corn Husker said to Dash, making a gesture with his hoof which I think means 'don't press your luck', though I am only guessing. "Kal-iya Ajith will be very angry if I delay him any longer." He sounded rather drained and defeated.

Fluttershy started to speak, looked at her hands, then fell silent, still horrified.

I suddenly wondered how much that carriage weighs if an Earth Pony is actually tired from hauling it; it's not even dinner time so unless he's been pulling it since before dawn... Unless they made him skip lunch, maybe. Ponies who are working hard have to eat more, I think.

The carriage looked like ornate woods with silver and golden trim, shaped kind of like the top half of a pumpkin if you then put it on a board and put wheels under it. The silver sword motif was repeated.

This is where I wish I had the magic to make that thing break. But I have no talent for it, beyond the shadow trick Luna showed me.

I should steal the damn thing tonight but what would I do with it?

The driver said to Rainbow Dash, "Go back to Thyatis if you think you're in charge here, foreigner. With your stupid hair."

She stepped forward and High Dive pulled her back. "Pardon," he said. "My girlfriend is a little high strung. We'll just be moving on now."

"You'd best be moving on before Kal-iya Ajith decides to step out and make an example of you," the driver sneered at Rainbow Dash.

High Dive had to grapple her now and I decided we had best go before I snapped myself. This is the kind of thing I hate very much and I know I shouldn't do anything but I so want to rob this idiot and leave his carriage in flames.

A noble is a wolf on a horse, and wolves have to be shot to protect the farm.

Dammit.

"Kal-iya Ajith, you mean, mean person, come out of your carriage RIGHT THIS MINUTE," Fluttershy said, storming over.

Oh fuck. From what I've heard, if she gets this mad, it's basically apocalypse time.

The driver stared at her, mouth open wide.

Corn Husker stopped moving and stared at her, matching his expression.

"Who are you who dares to order ME, Kal-iya Ajith, to come forth?" the man inside shouted.

"I am Fillipa of Karameikos, a Druid of the Golden Ring!," Fluttershy said loudly. "Come forth and face divine judgement!"

"Fillipa," I said urgently. "We can't afford to get in trouble." Much as it hurts to let this bastard go.

"Yeah, Flipper, we have to avoid... avoid... dammit. GIVE THEM HELL!" Dash shouted.

The driver stopped the carriage. Corn Husker said, "No, no, no." He looked quite terrified.

Kal-iya Ajith came forth, a formidable looking man, tall and strong with tanned skin a little darker than mine, a thick moustache, shaped with butter or something like it, wearing expensive satin and silk robes in yellow and black. At his waist hung the silver sword he'd slapped on everything. It looked powerful, though not artifact level and I could probably buy my hometown if I had it.

"You have no right to challenge me," he said to Fluttershy. "Nor right to claim rank over me, for you do not follow our ways. And putting a snake around yourself hardly makes you a druid."

She began to sing and a cloud formed over his head. I pointed up and he looked, frowning and then lightning jabbed down all around him. Now he jumped.

Dammit, every whatever the magic people caste is called in the city probably felt that. We're going to have people swarming all over us in no time. But... I'm not getting near her when she's like this.

"I am a Druid of the Golden Circle and I will not stand by while you are cruel to one of your servants! You are a BAD, BAD boy," Fluttershy said, stepping closer and looking up into his eyes.

"You dare not pass... dare..." They locked gazes and the air crackled between them as Slither hissed angrily at him, curled around her arm and torso.

High Dive pulled Dash over by me. "Does this happen often?" he whispered urgently.

"No," Dash said. "But she's going to make him piss his pants." She sounded pleased by this.

I would be but now I'm worried we're going to get in more trouble.

People were starting to gather and stare and I could see someone run inside the Thyatian embassy.

Where Pinkamena and Apple Blossom are.

"FINISH HIM!" Dash shouted enthusiastically.

And then he broke and fell to his hands and knees, crying. "Enlightened master, I am sorry I dared to challenge you," he told her feet.

She patted his head. "It's okay. Now you're going to take poor Corn Husker home and pay to have his wife helped and make sure that his kids don't go hungry. It's a warrior's duty to protect the weak, not to exploit them."

"Yes, mistress," he mumbled.

Dash gave it a double thumbs up, then stared at her thumbs and laughed.

Once they were underway, I grabbed Fluttershy and we ran before anyone official showed up or the Elements came out.

But I expect they can figure out the rest if they don't already know.

Ack.

********************

Marcus-O-Vision Once More:

Baron Golden Star twitched at the news, then ran to his office. Oh boy.

Captain Keen Eyes said, frowning, "That was very noble and brave of you, Fluttershy."

She looked quite proud of herself. "I saved that poor hard-working pony and his family and taught him a lesson."

"But you may have caused a diplomatic incident which could get us thrown out of the country before you complete your mission, if they trace it to us," he continued, frowning.

Dammit. I agree with what Fluttershy did but also with the Captain... despite him being an asshole... about it risking blowing everything.

"Time for Ivan to be ponified and everyone else back to normal," Twilight said. "I..." She hesitated. "I would have done the same thing," she said softly. "But this does put us at more risk of mission failure, which could mean war. We can't afford to take any more chances like that."

"Well, only the lightning might be illegal, right?" Clyde said hesitantly. "Just mouthing off and staring is fair, I'd think."

"Mouthing off to a high caste person is a crime," Twilight said. "I will study the details later, or the Baron may know."

We were all milling around in the work zone.

High Dive said, "I'm sorry, sir." He saluted Captain Keen Eyes.

"You acted professionally," Captain Keen Eyes said. "Dash, never write checks with your mouth that you can't cash."

"I didn't write any checks!" she protested.

"You could have totally blown the mission," he said sternly.

"I didn't even DO anything," Dash protested. "Umm... how do I turn back to a pony?"

"It wears off after a few hours," I said.

Twilight concentrated and Dash and High Dive turned back to normal.

Fluttershy sighed. "I was starting to get good at this," she said mournfully, then turned back to pony form.

Her eyes widened.

"Eeeeee!!!!" She bolted off towards the part of the compound where our rooms are.

Rarity galloped after her. "I'll take care of her," she said.

"Well," Clyde said. "I guess we'd better hurry up before the law comes for us."

"I'm going to go see the ambassador," Twilight said. "I'll be right back."

Ivan got his potion out. "I only have a limited amount of this," he said.

"Save it until we're sure you'll need it," Captain Keen Eyes said, eyeing the bottle warily. "You ever been a pony before?"

"He went on a date with Princess Luna," Pinkie said cheerfully. "Does she kiss well?"

"It wasn't like that!," Ivan protested.

"Uh huh," I said. "You both even shapeshifted into the same race, you know."

"I was helping her cover!" Ivan protested.

And you made fun of me. HAH!

Captain Keen Eyes stared at Ivan in surprise, then said, "Alright then." His ears twitched. "Well, at least you didn't have the idiot with you."

"I'm right HERE," I said, annoyed.

"I trust Five Jacks High very much," Ivan said. "Even if he needs to remember the glass house he lives in. He would have kept out of trouble."

"Because he was scared," Captain Keen Eyes grumbled.

"Enough," Clyde said. "You can butt heads later. There's work to do. Now either get off my rocks or start digging," he said to both of us.

Captain Keen Eyes went to see the ambassador and I got down to digging.

***************

Eventually, it was time for dinner. The apocalypse hadn't happened yet, but this only made me more nervous. Clyde took me aside before dinner. "I understand you're some sort of shapeshifter?"

"I have been shapeshifted into this form as a disguise," I said ambiguously.

"Captain Keen Eyes, when not busy saying you are the source of all evil in this world, said you are a human," he continued, chewing on a piece of hay.

Dammit. Don't just tell everyone! Not that Clyde's likely to sell us out but the more who know the harder it is to hide. "Yes," I said. "My identity is a state secret."

He raised an eyebrow, then said, "Can you change people's shape?"

"If you really want to try being something else, we have candy but it only causes physical changes," I told him. "You don't gain that form's magic."

He looked at my horn and I said, "I'm a unicorn human when human. I have magic then too."

He sighed. "That's too bad."

Now I was curious. "What did you want to be?"

"My mother was a Pegasus. Surprise Pie," he said a little wistfully. "But father was an Earth Pony and I came out like him."

"Did she bomb dive people with pies?" I asked.

He blinked, looking surprised. "Yes, how did you know?"

Isn't it REALLY OBVIOUS? What sort of person names their pegasus child 'Surprise Pie' without teaching them to drop pies on people? Or them learning it themselves out of pure instinct?

"Just intuition," I told him. "So you'd like to see what being a pegasus is like?"

He looked around as if expecting someone to stop him. "Yes," he said softly.

"Well, you're in luck. Because if you want to fly, Twilight can hook you up. It's kind of tiring, but we're pretty much done for the day," I told him. "We'll have to make sure Captain Keen Eyes doesn't piss himself over it, though."

**************

Captain Keen Eyes insisted on Dash and five of the Pegasi going up. And posting Unicorn snipers. I don't think the air over the embassy is that dangerous but it was the price of him agreeing to it.

I helped Twilight cast it; we both then fell down on the grass and had to just watch what ensued. It wasn't quite what we expected. As we finished the spell, the energy suddenly changed, reconfiguring itself and energy shot through him. He howled and Twilight said, "No, stop, stop!" I could tell this wasn't right.

Him falling down howling wasn't part of it either and now we both tried to cancel the spell but it had a will of its own. On the sides of his torso, energy surged and then formed into wings which turned solid in the style of a pegasus. You could still see the magic inside them, inside him, his innate magics twisting around, and now winds kicked up around him, throwing dirt everywhere.

"Calm down, calm down!" Dash said, running over to him. The winds were picking up. "It's okay, it's just a spell," she said, then shot a worried look at us.

"I just wanted to put some extra juice in it to give him some extra time," Twilight mumbled, then stumbled into me. I felt weak myself.

Another of the Pegasi, Cloud Strider, who was off-white with a silver mane, rushed over, and Pinkie and Blinky both ran over as well, though the winds battered them.

Captain Keen Eyes said, "Can I assist you, Twilight?"

"And I, of course," Rarity said.

She drew on them for strength and recovered and the spell stabilized. Pinkie and Blinky soon calmed their father. His wings were brown like his coat, but tinged with purple at the tips of the feathers. His grey mane and tail had turned silver. He flapped his wings and rose off the ground, looked stunned, then smiled brighter than the sun at dawn. "Amazing. Don't go telling your mother, though."

Pinky laughed. "I'm sure she'd understand."

"She'd get pissed," Blinky said. "You know how she is."

"Mother loves us very much, even if she is strict. And there's nothing in the Works of Kagyar which forbids flight!" Pinkie said. "I read them ALL," she said proudly. The Works of Kagyar are the holy text of Kagyar worship.

As you probably guessed.

Blinky said, "You skimmed the chapter titles, maybe." She sounded very dubious.

"There's nothing," Clyde said. "But the wise man doesn't get in fights with his wife unless there's a point." He stretched his wings. "Lead me on, Dash."

"Oh yeah!" She took him soaring up into the air and the other Pegasi rose up and danced together in the sky. I was exhausted, lying on the grass with Twilight. Keen Eyes and Rarity plopped down next to us to watch, sitting sphinx style; we were just sprawled.

"Copter time!" Pinkie said; she'd taken her copter out of storage and assembled it. It doesn't fit through the opening of her saddlebags in one piece. "Come on, Blinky!"

"There isn't really room," Blinky said.

"We will SNUGGLE," Pinkie said and pulled her on, then took off into the sky to fly with them.

Blinky was soon screaming and setting a beat for the dance at the same time.

"Is Fluttershy okay?" I asked Rarity.

"She's okay," Rarity said. "Just a little embarrassed."

Captain Keen Eyes sighed. "She did a good thing but there are likely to be consequences."

There was a distant banging on the gate; the embassy had closed its doors for the night, but someone wanted in. Captain Keen Eyes sighed and cantered over to the gate where two of his Earth Ponies were having a conversation we couldn't hear; a Pegasus went in search of the Ambassador.

"I should do something," Twilight said.

"I advise you to lie here uselessly like me. We can pretend to be the Useless siblings," I told her.

"You made Mr. Pie very happy," Rarity said. "And Pinkie too. How long will it last?"

"I have to monitor it; I don't know. I'm not even sure why it did that instead of... It must be because he has pegasus ancestry," Twilight said. "I should consult the spell book. Spiiike."

Spike dug in her saddlebags and she started studying the book once he found it. "You need anything, Rarity?" he asked her.

"Could you be a dear and fetch us a small plate of those lettuce wraps?" she said. "I expect that Five Jacks High and Twilight need some food."

I just had dinner but I am RAVENOUS. "Oh PLEASE, Spike," I said urgently. "I would be grateful forever."

He snorted, but when Twilight said, "I could definitely go for Rarity's idea," Spike took off like a rocket.

The lettuce wraps had shredded vegetables, rice, and lettuce with garlic and a hint of saffron. So GOOD. I had to force myself not to just shovel them down my throat as fast as this pony mouth will eat them.

Which is fast.

One of the things I've noted is that ponies eat smaller meals than humans but more often. Smaller stomachs which digest slowly. So I have to be careful not to eat too much and make myself sick.

Captain Keen Eyes returned with an angry human druid with a golden torc and Baron Golden Star. The human had pale skin with a hint of red to it, dark brown eyes and long blond hair; he looked strong and he also looked ready to smack someone.

"I am Ral-iya Devdas," he said, arms folded across his chest. "Some of your ponies ravaged my grove."

He stared right at me.

"But I don't have any ponies," I said, confused. "Nor would I send any ponies to ravage your shrine. I don't even know where the druidic grove is in this city."

"You know I am a druid without me saying it!" he said angrily.

I managed to flop up to a sort of upright position and clumsily pointed at his belt. "Torc means druid," I said.

Fluttershy now peeked out of the building we sleep in. She saw Ral-iya Devdas and her eyes got wide.

Baron Golden Star said, "I am quite sure he was here the whole time; we have a lot of witnesses."

"I swear, I have no reason to wreck your shrine."

"You and your people painted moons all over it and proclaimed the glories of Princess Luna, whoever she is!" Ral-iya Devdas said angrily.

Fluttershy tried to hide but her snake began dragging her along as she yelped.

Ral-iya Devdas turned, saw her, and frowned. She looked like she wanted to die and hid her face with her wings. "She is a druid of the Golden Circle?" he said, displeased.

"She is a very fine druid but she is shy," Rarity said, then rose and cantered over to Fluttershy, talking to her quietly.

Crap; he may put two and two together... "Can't you do a truth ritual or something? I'll happily let you check my answer."

"We could do that," he said reluctantly. Clearly he fears to be proven wrong.

"Oooh, I'd like to see that," Twilight said, sitting up. "I'm sure Fluttershy could assist you."

I touched her mind with a spell. 'Twilight, this probably means that evil-me has been ponified and is busy leading Luna cultist raiders. They must be behind the cult. Maybe trying to convince the Sindhi that they have to invade Equestria before Luna finishes her 'plan of conquest' or some such rot.'

I could see Ivan coming. I did the spell again. 'Ivan, please don't rant about Luna's innocence to the man we're trying to mollify.'

Ivan grimaced but stayed back for now. Thanks, Ivan.

Fluttershy now came over, her snake marching alongside her through the grass and dirt. "Hail, Ral-iya Devdas, Druid of the Golden Circle. I am Fluttershy, Equestrian Druid of the Golden Circle. Rarity said someone wrecked your grove?" She frowned.

"Yes, and he was the leader," he said, pointing at me.

"He's never been out of the sight of one of us all day, except in the bathroom," Fluttershy said. She couldn't quite look Ral-iya Devdas in the eyes. "We should do the Rite of Truth if you will not accept my word."

"Let it be done," he said.

Ahaha. I laughed nervously. Let's hope this doesn't shapeshift me or set me on fire or something.

****************

This involved going to a corner of the torn up gardens and drawing a fancy rune in the dirt. He and Fluttershy sang and white chrysanthemums flowered at the corners of it. I stood in the middle nervously, feeling the magic flow around me.

The pegasi were still in the air with Clyde, Pinkie, and Blinky, but everyone else was watching this either curiously or nervously. Rarity had the sort of calm which always hides nervousness. Captain Keen Eyes, on the other hand, clearly enjoyed my discomfort.

Fluttershy and Ral-iya Devdas sang in unison, voices perfectly matched, and his usual glower faded as he lost himself in what he was doing. He doesn't look bad at all when he's not pissed off.

I felt the magic settle into me and he said, "I am Ral-iya Devdas." Green light flowed out of him into the rune and it lit up.

"I am Fluttershy," Fluttershy said and more light flowed from her into it. The light shone up around me, forming a tracery of power.

And then it lanced into my brain and I jumped.

"Identify yourself," Ral-iya Devdas said somberly.

"I am Five Jacks High, agent of Celestia," I said. That part I intended. "I walk the road of the Polymath under hers and Luna's guidance," I continued. THAT WAS NOT EVEN NECESSARY. Ack!

He started, then stared at me. "That certainly can't be true."

Captain Keen Eyes whispered to Twilight, who whispered back, then he frowned.

"I have lived many lives and been reborn many times," I continued.

"Did you raid his grove?" Fluttershy asked me.

"No, I did not raid his grove. I have never seen or heard of him before tonight," I told them.

"You may ask a question," Ral-iya Devdas said reluctantly.

"Do you always rush off to judgement without thinking it through?" I said irritably.

He grimaced and then said, "It is a frequent problem of mine." Now he looked VERY aggravated.

Oh hoh ho, it binds us all. But he probably doesn't know anything useful.

"Have you committed any crimes in Sind at all?" Ral-iya Devdas asked, frowning.

"I am innocent of all but malice," I told him. I love that line. I got it from a book.

Fluttershy said, "Have you caused any trouble at all for Ral-iya Devdas?"

"No, other than making him embarrass himself," I said. "Devdas," I began.

"Ral-iya Devdas," he insisted.

"Ral-iya Devdas, did you have any other reasons to come looking for me beyond thinking I trashed your shrine?" I asked.

"No. Do you know anything about the attack on the shrine?" he asked.

I wonder how many questions we all get. And dammit, I didn't want that question.

"I have an evil twin named Sammy who probably impersonated me," I told him. "But that's only a guess."

"Umm... do you like Slither?" Fluttershy said, clearly out of good ideas.

"Snakes make me nervous ever since the incident on the Isle of Dread. Stupid Yuan-ti," I said, laughing nervously.

Fluttershy looked disappointed. Dammit! Telling people what they want to hear is IMPORTANT.

"Ral-iya Devdas, what is it going to take for me to get you to go away and stop bothering me?" I asked him.

He grimaced. "The ritual is over. I neither like nor trust you, but the rite was true. I will go."

Thank the Immortals.

The energy faded.

"But I will have my eye on you. You reek of deceit," he told me angrily. "Where did this clone come from?"

"I don't trust you enough to tell you that," I told him as the energy faded. "And that's no lie."

Now he looked really offended. "We shall see which one of us proves true. I will have my eye on you." And then he stormed off.

"Well, he's not a shifter," Twilight said.

"Just an ass in the form of a man," I muttered.

"He had good reason to worry," Fluttershy said. "But he was very rude." She sighed.

"Why not tell him about the Elements?" Applejack said, frowning.

"Because we don't know who he is connected to. I should have thought to ask useful things but he pissed me off and I wasted my questions snarking." I sighed. "Sorry."

"His ill manners were enough to make anyone unhappy," Rarity said. "Feeling better, Fluttershy?"

"A little," she said, cuddling Slither, who now calmed down. "I wish Angel was here too, though. And my other friends. There's no animals here and you can't cuddle plants." She sighed.

So Rarity cuddled her until she smiled and I flopped down in the grass wondering what was going to blow up next.

Still, that could have been MUCH worse.

**************

Fluttershy took me aside before bed. We sat on a patch of grass which was one of the bits of greenery not destroyed for the improvised rock farm. "I... was I acting strange? Fillipa me, that is?" she said hesitantly.

"Well, you were bolder, but you still had the same interests and... you did kind of slap down that warrior, which surprised me a lot," I told her.

She sighed. "I lost myself again." She buried her face in her hooves. "I really like Slither but... now I'm so embarrassed. Why can't I turn into other things and still be me like other druids?" She looked really frustrated.

"Is it easier for you to change than other druids?" I said with a vague idea.

"Yes," she said.

"Well, I think maybe your tie to animals means you don't hold back as much as other druids," I told her. "Now I wonder if maybe you could actually use the special abilities of things because of that."

"It's risky to test, since I might lose myself and go on a rampage," she said, then studied an ant slowly making its way through the grass.

"You probably could actually challenge the head druid in human form, though," I mused.

"I have to be able to do it as me," she said. "I'm mostly content with my rank. I just want to shapeshift properly." She sighed. "It wasn't as bad because humans aren't as different from us as I thought. Some parts were really strange," she said. "But I guess being a pony is strange to you too, right?" she said hesitantly.

"It's very strange," I told her. "The way I can smell people, the way my body moves, what I want to eat, all that."

"Have... ahaha..." She turned red. "I shouldn't get so embarrassed," she told the ant.

"No, not yet. I'm not that comfortable," I told her. Plus, I know her father would walk in and kill me dead.

"I'm sure he wouldn't... kill you much," she said quickly.

Dammit, externalizing my monologue AGAIN.

"When I was human, I missed being able to smell everyone; it's so much harder to tell how everyone feels when you're human," she said, sighing.

"I'm good at telling," I told her. "When I don't get all bitchy. Like with that idiot druid."

"He just wanted to protect his grove," she said a little chidingly.

Slither encircled her and she stroked his head gently as he made happy snake noises. "Everyone looked at me oddly when I was cuddling Slither while human," she said hesitantly.

"There's something about female snake-charmers which makes a man's brain spin," I told her. "Especially because you were so utterly fearless."

"Fearless? Me?" she said, stunned.

"I know the feeling," I mumbled.

"You're brave, you just complain about having to be brave," she said kindly. "So are you enjoying being a pony?"

"I wouldn't want to do it all the time, but I think that a person can get used to anything," I told her. "I can handle it the rest of this trip, though if someone is impersonating me, this identity isn't going to be much use either." I frowned.

"Well, if you ever have any questions, I'll be glad to help," she told me, then sighed. "I don't know if I should try it again for the meeting."

"Fall down seven times, get up eight," I told her. "They say that in Ochelea, I think. If you keep trying, you will learn how to do it."

"Ahahahah!" I heard Clyde laughing. He was still flying with Dash and two other pegasi.

I was too tired and too far to tell if the spell was wearing off or not. Surely Twilight couldn't permanently turn him into a pegasus. Even to do it temporarily... She is the Element of Magic.

She rose. "I'm going to go fly with them for a while."

"Keep an eye on him. Assuming Twilight hasn't changed him forever, then he will eventually lose those wings," I told her. I yawned. "I have to sleep. And probably he should come down soon and sleep anyway."

"More sugar, Blinky, to fuel my legs!" Pinkie shouted in the darkness above.

"Dammit, Pinkie, you already ate enough for three people!" Blinky shouted.

"Bang a drum, give me the sugar gum!" Pinkie commanded.

What?

Definitely time for bed. "Goodnight, Fluttershy."

"Goodnight, Five Jacks High."

I went to bed.

***************

Clyde was still a pegasus in the morning and everyone was boggling. Twilight looked a little spooked all morning but by lunch, was back to normal. We just worked like dogs all day.

By evening, it was clear we were getting results, though Twilight, Rarity, and I were practically zombies. I stumbled into bed and slept deeply.

"I did some more poking around," Ivan announced at breakfast. "There's dopplegangers hidden in the Darokin, Five Shires, and Karameikan embassies but none of the others."

"You went on your own?" I said. "That's dangerous."

"I am very sneaky now," he said. "And I have these." He jangled the lockpicks.

Captain Keen Eyes said, "You could have at least told us."

"You might have stopped me," he said, grinning.

Ahahah.

"I'll try poking around the Radhirajah's place tonight," Ivan said. "See if he's got any surprise fun on his staff."

"I can't let you go alone," Captain Keen Eyes said.

I can't deny he takes guarding us seriously.

"I can sneak MUCH easier on my own," Ivan said.

"He'll just sneak away from your guards," I told Captain Keen Eyes, who grimaced at me. "But really, you should take someone," I told Ivan. "I don't think I can sneak well like this or I'd go with you."

The magical instincts don't cover hiding, unfortunately.

"I will go," Twilight said. "I can shrink myself and ride in your pocket. And I can spot shapeshifters. We need to know in advance."

"Celestia will not be happy if I let you go into danger without a guard," Captain Keen Eyes said urgently.

"I trust Ivan to protect me and I can teleport us out," Twilight continued.

o/~ My little pocket pony

o/~ Whever I go, she goes.

o/~ My little pocket pony

o/~ Helps me with what she knows.

o/~ My little pocket pony

o/~ Has a cute little nose.

It was, of course, Pinky.

"I don't need a theme song," Twilight said to her urgently, looking a little embarrassed.

"Sure you do! Oh man, I have to write one for Dad now that he can fly!," Pinkie said. She got paper and began scribbling furiously with a quill pen in her mouth.

"Take High Dive with you. He's good at stealth," Captain Keen Eyes said to Ivan. "And he can fly you two out if teleports are blocked, which I know I would do if I had a palace and ruled an entire country and there were thousands of potential assassins with teleport spells. Which there are."

"True," Twilight said, then looked at Ivan.

"Fine," Ivan said. "You don't trust me to handle myself. He can come." He looked pretty irritated.

"I'm sure Ivan will be fine with just him and Twilight," I said. I do think that AND I need to back up Ivan.

Twilight looked rather uncomfortable being caught in the middle of this.

"Rocket Dad, taking off at the speed of light... no, doesn't work," Pinkie mumbled as she kept writing.

"Going solo is rarely wise," Blinky said very seriously to Ivan. "One should always work with at least one partner. It means that ideally, you'll cover each other's back and counter each other's worst ideas while covering each other's weaknesses. The quest for individual glory ends always in disaster. Teamwork is the key to success, Kagyar teaches. Plus, Twilight can shrink him too, so he won't make much noise."

Ivan blinked, then looked at Blinky.

"Yeah, going solo's for arrogant pegasi, not that I know any," Applejack said.

"Hey!" Dash said. "I'm not arrogant! I'm just THE BEST."

Ivan and Blinky looked at each other in a way that I'd almost think was a mind-touch spell, but since neither of them can cast spells, I doubt it. Though Ivan might have some trinket. I tend to love gold, jewels, jewelry and other things I can spend on luxuries. Ivan loves magical widgets.

"So you're saying you want to come too," he said softly to Blinky.

What?

Blinky's eyes got wide. "I just...Well, I mean... if you want me to." She laughed nervously.

"No, it's too dangerous!" Pinkie said, pouncing on Blinky to my surprise. "I couldn't stand it if you got hurt." She sounded quite worried.

"I am an adult pony and I can take care of myself," Blinky said fiercely to her sister. "Do you think I like watching you do the insane things you do?"

"Yes, but I can only hurt me if I do something crazy," Pinky said. "I'm going to worry about you all night now."

"Now you know how it feels," Blinky muttered, but hugged her.

Captain Keen Eyes looked over at Clyde. "You're going to let her do this?" he said in surprise.

"She's a grown pony. I'd go myself, but they already got a pegasus. HAH!" He flapped his wings and looked pleased with himself. "Eventually, kids leave the nest and you have to let them fly free." He looked at Dash.

Dash nodded.

What?

Rarity made a happy noise and pushed her hair back, looking pleased.

"Rarity, I'm going to need more pockets," Ivan said to her.

Rarity smiled. "Of course, darling. Come with me and we'll get you suited up properly."

"Be careful," Pinkie said to Blinky.

Blinky fell down and began rolling around, laughing.

"I'm serious! Be careful!" Pinkie said.

Blinky crashed into her father's legs, bounced off and rolled into Pinkie. "AHAHAHAHAHAH!"

"Don't pick the one time I can't laugh to start laughing more than me!" Pinkie said frantically.

Now I laughed and soon everyone was laughing.

Pinkie finally gave into the mood and laughed herself. "I just want you to be safe. You're not used to a life of adventure, Blinky. You always worked hard so you could run the farm one day. You'll be a very good farm boss one day." She patted her sister's side as her sister lay at her feet. "I am proud of you."

"Thanks, sister," Blinky said and rose. "Hmm, maybe we should wear masks or something."

"We can make disguises later," Twilight said.

They'd better be REAL disguises and not the kind of cheesy thing Don Diego does.

*************

Rarity helped make the disguises, along with Spike. What did this mean?

It meant all four of them had full body black clothing, a top hat, a moustache, and a comedy mask in gold. (With the moustache on the mask, yes.) And black capes with a red lining.

Then Twilight shrank herself and the other two going on the raid: Twilight rode in Ivan's shirt pocket, High Dive got put into a jacket pocket and Blinky into the other jacket pocket. (The jacket used to have no pockets.)

Twilight looked ridiculously cute sticking up out of the shirt pocket, forelegs over the edge of it and dangling down. Blinky had to struggle for a bit to get herself positioned the same way but High Dive did it easily. He saluted Captain Keen Eyes, who saluted back. "Good luck," Captain Keen Eyes said.

"Thanks," Ivan said. "Don't worry, it will be fine." Then he looked thoughtful. "Dash."

Dash saluted, then laughed. "Yes?"

"I need you to stage a fake drunken brawl with someone in the sky over the city near the palace. Just enough to draw attention," he said. "Captain, she'll need one of your men to brawl with. Keep it in the sky so there's no damage and we don't get in trouble."

"You are asking me to get drunk and get in a fight with someone," Dash said slowly.

"Well, umm, yes, but you only need to fake getting drunk," Ivan said.

"WHISKEY FUELED VIOLENCE HERE I COME!" Dash shouted, heading for the wine cellar.

Ahahah.

"Fake it!" Captain Keen Eyes shouted, running after her.

"The best lie is the TRUTH!" Dash shouted and vanished out of sight into one of the buildings.

Ahahahahahaha.

**************

Right as they left, all the pegasi jumped, except Clyde who looked confused, THEN jumped when he saw the others do it. I couldn't help but laugh a little. "What was that?" he said.

"Storm's coming," one of the soldier Pegasi said.

"Storms only happen when rain is scheduled, here in Sayr Ulan. The oasis can make only modest amounts of rain by itself, so they deliberately shape storms and haul them here every so often," Baron Golden Star said. "Most of Sind has freaky random weather, but one nice thing about being posted here is the controlled climate inside the oasis."

It reminds me of Ylarum City; Ylarum City is inside an oasis surrounded by desert and has climate control. The Ylari want to terraform their country green and the oases are the start of this. A lot of pegasi get paid very well to come help them. Most of Ylarum is very pony-friendly, though Abbashan in the east tends to try to force any resident ponies to convert to the Eternal Truth, the state religion.

"And there's not one scheduled?" Applejack said, frowning.

"I would be... or at least SHOULD be notified," Baron Golden Star said.

Captain Keen Eyes frowned. "Sandwich."

What kind of cruel parent names their child Sandwich?

Sandwich was dark grey with a neon green mane; his cutie mark was a six layered sandwich. "Yes, sir!" he said eagerly.

"Take your five men and check out the storm," he said. "Baron, how do we consult the authorities?"

"I'll send a runner," he said.

"Fluttershy, could this be Dragonfly's work?" I asked her.

"Entirely possible," Fluttershy said. "I'll go with them."

The rest of us got ready for any trouble.

****************

The storm hit, dumping huge amounts of rain as we all took shelter inside, played cards and watched the rain while fretting. I had just tossed the Six of Stones and the Five of Flames (I still had the Three of Stones, Three of Flames, and Three of Shadows), when Baron Golden Star entered the lounge we were in, just as Clyde carefully tossed out the Ten of Flames and the Jack of Waves. Does he have a three of a kind too?

"The storm is unscheduled and Fluttershy and my men will assist the Radhirajah's people in moderating it. It's been decided a little extra rain would not hurt as long as it is less intense," Baron Golden Star told us. "I am pleased by this shining example of cooperation between our people and Sind, and I hope your visit to him will go as smoothly." HIIIINNNNT.

We get it.

"Sir, outside, look!" an aide said, running in.

We all went out to look, huddling on the porch where we had a roof.

Through the rain, you could see the moon. Luna's face looked down from it, though now it began to fade.

Was she scrying or was this a trick of the cult?

I assume a trick as it does kind of give the game away.

"Spike, send Luna a letter about this," Rarity said.

She dictated a letter and he sent it. "I hope Twilight is okay," he said.

I felt a sudden large spike of magic and everypony... every unicorn pony... turned their head towards the palace. Oh bloody hell.

"Okay, we're on alert," Captain Keen Eyes said and began disposing everyone to battle positions. I followed along; this IS his kind of situation. Best we be ready.

And then nothing but rain happened as we all became more and more jumpy. Clyde watched the rain stolidly, looking bored if anything.

The wind shifted and for a moment, I smelled something... it made me feel a burst of panic. I didn't even know why. "Rarity, can you smell it?" I asked.

She sniffed the wind. "Something dangerous but I don't know it. I just..." She frowned. "It smells of predator."

Spike sniffed the air. "And garlic."

Thanks, Spike, I'm sure evil garlic comes for us now.

Pinkie paced around her stack of battle-ready pies agitatedly. "Blinky," she mumbled.

"Blinky's fine. Have some trust in your sister," Clyde said. "She is an Earth Pony and Earth Ponies endure. I trust each and every one of my daughters to make their own choices and do the right thing." He chewed on his usual piece of hay. "It didn't come easy to me, but I've learned you have to do that or go crazy."

We heard the sound of a stampede on the street. One of the sniper unicorns, holed up in a crow's nest the soldiers had built on the roof of one of the buildings, reported, "Sir, the squad of cavalry which normally guards the custom house is bolting towards the palace."

"We have to do something!" Pinkie said.

"We hold our ground," Clyde said to her. "We don't know if this is any of our business."

"But Father, she could be hurt! She could be..."

"Dig in your hooves," he said sternly.

"But..."

"Dig in your hooves," he barked.

She jumped and then got into a kind of stance where she dug in her hooves and braced herself.

He sighed. "I'm sorry. Just calm down, Pinkie. Don't go finding things to worry about that haven't happened yet like your mother does."

"Blinky's just a..."

"She's grown up now," her father said, then sighed. "Of course, we don't see you enough for it to really sink in."

HIIIIINTTTTT.

"Oh wait, I bet the 'drunken brawl' is what drew those cavalry," I said. "Maybe it's just the diversion."

"Well, they had bows, but I would hope they wouldn't respond to two people having a drunken fist fight with three lances of cavalry," Captain Keen Eyes said, frowning.

"Sir, a pair of Elves have hijacked a wagon and are being chased by two more wagons of..." Magical darkness now rushed over everything.

Bloody hell.

I made my horn glow; I could see the region around me but not any of the other unicorns.

I could hear Clyde banging his hoof on the ground. "Everyone tap your hoof," he said.

Hooves tapped all over. We began regrouping more tightly in the darkness and then the darkness faded away. The chase was gone and now the cavalry went past us.

By the time we were all ready to go crazy, Ivan and company suddenly stepped out from behind one of the buildings inside the compound. "Hey guys, any idea what the big magic spike was?"

"It wasn't you?" I said.

Tiny-Twilight said, "It came from the area where the organized crime group is. I think they got robbed."

Man, those two elves were either very brave or very insane.

Maybe both.

"What did you find out?" Captain Keen Eyes asked.

"We fingered seven dopplegangers inside the palace staff," Twilight said. "One of them was talking to Niccolo Aurelianus," she continued.

Ivan grimaced. "Sell out," he said grimly.

"Did you see the giant Luna face on the moon?" I asked.

Ivan stared. "What?"

Twilight's mouth dropped open.

"Blinky!" Pinkie said, snatching her up and hugging her tiny-sister.

"I'm just FINE," Blinky said. "Except Ivan's pockets smell like leather."

"They're made of leather, darling," Rarity said. "It is somewhat inevitable they will, in fact, smell like leather." She sounded a little offended.

"I'm not a cat, I don't need to be petted," Blinky grumbled as Pinkie petted her.

"You're so CUTE like this," Pinkie said excitedly. "My little pony sister!"

High Dive flew out of the pocket and over to report to Captain Keen Eyes.

Twilight smiled at Pinkie and Blinky, then said, "Tell me about this Luna on the Moon thing."

We told her what little we knew.

Someone was at the gate; it turned out to be the Darokinian ambassador, Madeline Umbarth. She was a stout woman, well dressed with dark black hair and vivid orange eyes, which surprised me. Humans don't normally have orange eyes. She and Baron Golden Star went off to talk, while her guards lounged about, talking to the staff; clearly they came here often.

A letter now appeared by Spike, from Luna.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Spike and Friends,

That was not me and it was a local effect. I have alerted certain authorities just to be sure. But my current evidence indicates it was a localized illusion. I have included a second letter for you to give to the Radhirajah's with Celestia's letter.

If anyone knows who is powering the 'Luna cult' here, they are not talking but I suspect it's Marjorie. Keep your eyes open. I have included an amulet I would like Twilight to wear; it will indicate if any other Immortal's power is being used near her and transmit the information to me. I have also included a ring I would like Ivan to wear of a similar nature.

Please give my best wishes to Pinkie's father and sister and thank them for assisting you. Celestia and I are always pleased by the kind and generous nature of our Ponies. They are an inspiration to all Equestrians.

Should I learn anything else of relevance, I will inform you.

Your friend and monarch,

Princess Luna of Equestria

PS: Tell Applejack and Rarity that their sisters and their friends are building a truly magnificient tree house which makes me regret I am too old to play in it. It may well be the best treehouse ever.

PPS: Lyra asked me to tell Marcus that she will soon have the script ready for him to start memorizing.

PPPS: Sweetie says she misses her sister and big brother and father, but having her mother here is very nice.

PPPPS: Celestia said things I am not going to repeat; she can send her own letter if she wants to tease someone. I love you all and good luck.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ahaha.

A letter fell on my head.

AHAHAHAHA.

Everyone turned and looked at me. "I'll read it later," I mumbled.

Rarity said, "You don't have to read it out loud, darling. I'm sure she only teases you because she likes you." She now pulled out her thimbles and gave me a gentle back rub. Oh yes that feels good.

I licked my lips nervously. "Okay."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Five Jacks High,

Please laugh nervously and twitch so Luna never finds out I didn't actually tease you in this letter.

Please tell Twilight I will be sending her a copy of Moon Magics, once the librarians track it down.

That is all; good luck on your mission and please fake freaking out a little so I can keep my cover up. You are such a dear.

Your friend and mentor,

Princess Celestia.

PS: Our first boy should be named Far Runner, I think. I know you'll train him well.

~~~~~~~~~~~

I laughed nervously, then said, "Celestia is going to have a book sent to you, Twilight. Which may help with the crisis. On Moon Magic."

"Ooooh," Tiny-Twilight said, then turned herself and the other two back to normal. "Let's get some sleep. Tomorrow, we SPRING OUR TRAP!"

Let's hope it works.

************

We cleaned up the garden, and we'd sent announcements everywhere stating that 'fine Equestrian Jewels' would be on display today. Hopefully, Clarity will walk into our trap.

Then we all hid and/or disguised ourselves. Twilight and I were up with some of the unicorns in a large hunting blind we'd set up on the roof, designed to look like a tower... okay, it basically WAS a tower.

She glanced at me, then said, "I... Five Jacks High..."

I tried to subtly point to the other unicorns up here. Two of whom were eyeing her when they were SUPPOSED to be watching for trouble. This vastly annoyed me.

She touched her horn to mine. This makes mind-touch spells much easier, not that she really needs 'easier'. 'I want to be friends,' she said firmly. 'Like we used to be before I messed it up.'

'It was MY fault, not yours,' I told her. 'You tried to be honest with your feelings and I ran screaming. I want to make it up to you. However you feel is right.'

One of the unicorns was giving me the evil eye and I don't even know why. He has a name... dammit, I should know all their names by now.

'I will figure something out. Anything like that has to wait until we are done here,' she said.

'Agreed,' I said. 'Maybe I could do some research for you when we are done here.'

'Hmm, we could finish that project we started together before... then,' she said thoughtfully.

'Sure. But which one?'

We both laughed nervously. We'd started a half dozen projects and then I'd run for the hills. We kept seeing things that hadn't been figured out yet and then we'd see another one and...

Stupid beholder.

'I really have to find some way to get Spike to unhate me,' I told her. 'It's not healthy for him to hang on forever to his crush on Rarity.'

'I know,' she said. 'We can figure it out later.'

Spike was downstairs with Rarity, watching over the gems. So was Applejack. I had insisted that since we two were apparently the only people on this planet not easily fooled by disguises, she would watch the gems on display and I would watch guests come in.

"We have more people, or are you two busy making out?" one of the unicorns, brown coated and blue maned with a silver star in a circle as his cutie mark, said irritably. His name is Far Caller and he summons things.

"I totally would never, ever, ever steal Rarity's coltfriend however... AT ALL," Twilight said frantically.

"I would not cheat on my girlfriend, the best unicorn in the world!" I said angrily.

"Then PAY ATTENTION," he said. The other unicorns seemed to agree with him.

Bastards.

That being said, I now turned to watch. It was a group of Sindhi nobles. I sighed.

"Look at her," Twilight said, pointing to a brunette with long hair up in a bun, fanning herself with a fan painted with yellow crysanthemums. "She's shapeshifted, but is not a doppleganger."

"It could be Clarity," I said. She had three strong men with her of the warrior caste; she had the caste mark of the warriors as well, but that could just mean she was the daughter of one or married to one.

"No horn," one of the Unicorns said. "Doesn't the horn of a unicorn usually persist?"

I looked at Twilight.

"Not universally but in many cases, yes," Twilight said. "If my evil twin did this, the horn would show. But Clarity's hair may be another color if she thought to change it."

"Hmm, you could probably design a hat which would fit over a horn and hide it, right?" I said. "Given the sparse number of wealthy Ponies here, she might well get Dawn Gleaming to turn her human and put on a hat to hide her horn. Assuming she doesn't just sneak in. As we don't know if she's very stealthy."

"Or she may be shrunken and hidden in a pocket," Twilight said.

"Unless she uses magic, we couldn't likely find her then," one of the unicorns said, frowning.

I peered out the window; more Sindhi coming in. Too many with various kinds of hats. Bah.

I mean, I like hats, but... Aaargh, hats have turned against me!

This made me feel kind of depressed, though touching my own hat made me feel a little better.

Then I spotted a surprise. Corn Husker and his family. I'm surprised he got the day off. I hope this doesn't mean he got fired. But they seemed too... they were all VERY nervous but not unhappy like you'd expect if he lost his job.

A lot of the Sindhi coming in frowned at them and we all frowned down at them. This IS the Equestrian embassy you know. Punks.

I wish I could do something for them. They deserve better than the kind of life they have to live. But I don't really know what I could do; I can't exactly change how this country works just by wanting it.

Dammit. I felt very frustrated.

Several Glantrians now came in; you could tell because they were all from New Averoigne; there's a distinctive style of dress, and they all favored the kind of flat, floppy hat popular there. One of them could pull off a beret, but most of them... no.

I'd talk to them about buying Rarity one but you need MUCH flatter hair than hers for it to work... Dash or Twilight might be able to pull it, though.

Or Applejack but it wouldn't suit her.

She came out now, all frou-froued up as she put it, wearing a fancy dress and her hair piled up. I wondered again why the Glantrians were talking to Corn Husker and looking at his young daughter; like him, the whole family were Earth Ponies. The daughter had a blue coat and short yellow mane like her father. She also had the caste marks on her cheeks, which made me grimace. They all did.

One of the Glantrians kneeled by her and held out a gem. She put her hoof on it, closed her eyes, and concentrated hard. The gem began to fitfully pulse with light and her whole family stared, eyes wide.

Then there was a flash of light and a book appeared on her previous blank flank. Applejack had joined them now and she was staring. The daughter was clearly stunned.

The Glantrian shook her hoof, then put the gem in his pocket and began speaking excitedly with Corn Husker.

There are a few Earth Ponies who get into Wizardry, since that or being a Bard is the only way they can weild Arcane Magic to my knowledge. But it's very hard for them. Like Dwarves, they don't take to it easily and their innate magic flows other directions.

"I have to talk to her," Twilight said.

I put a paw... hoof. A hoof on her. "We have to stay in our stations."

"But she..."

"Applejack's talking to her. None of us can recognize incoming shifters but you," I told her.

She sighed.

"Duty comes first," one of the Unicorns said. "Even when it isn't easy."

Corn Husker and his family now went inside with the Glantrians and Applejack all talking to them at once; Captain Keen Eyes now came out and joined the conversation; he looked a little stunned.

Whatever her name is, she's found her ticket out of this town and her family's fate.

An Earth Pony with a wizardry Cutie Mark. Hopefully a good sign and not one that unlikely yet disastrous things will soon happen.

Ahahaha.

Then it hit me. "Did we ever find out what made the storm?" I asked.

"Arcane magic and weatherpony power," Twilight said, frowning.

"Maybe it was a diversion for something the Elements of Power got up to?" I said. "We never did find an answer for what the magic surge was."

"Makes sense," Twilight said, then frowned. "Doppleganger," she said, pointing to a halfling who entered with a half dozen others.

One of the Unicorns grimaced. "Why bother turning into a halfling?"

"Halflings are hard working people who don't go bad-mouthing other people for existing," I snapped at him. Having BEEN one, I felt the urge to defend them. "Do you want to act like the snotty people here who think Ponies are inherently inferior?"

That shut his mouth. Punk.

We kept watching; if Clarity was here, she was being subtle. Though she might come back tonight; too many witnesses.

The shapeshifted woman... she worried me.

"Twilight, this will sound stupid, probably but do you have a spell to detect gangsters?" I said.

"Why would I... OH," she said. "Except for mind-reading, I don't think there's a good magical way to determine profession like that. Or at least, I don't have a spell for it with me."

"There's probably some sort of gang mark or sign," one of the Unicorns said. "Right?"

"Yes," I said. "But we have no clue what it is."

"Wait, we do have a clue. The group is the 'Bronze Shanti'. Ergo, something bronze will be their sign," Twilight said. "Shanti..." She frowned. "I... oh wait, I should have a dictionary!"

She dug through it, then said, "Inner Peace? That can't be right."

"Maybe it's sarcasm," one of the Unicorns said.

"Maybe it's a reference to some philosophy where you rise through ranks known as Shanti? With Bronze as one of the lower ones?" another speculated.

We continued speculating as we watched the guests come in.

*************

If Clarity was there, she didn't show herself, but I came down to check in with those below and to keep an eye on the shapeshifted woman. Ivan was talking excitedly with Corn Husker and his family, at the same time the Glantrians were talking to them also. Understandably, he looked a little overwhelmed.

Ivan looked like a Northman; he'd taken some of his potion to disguise himself since someone might come in who would recognize him from the duel incident. A wise precaution, I see.

"Any news, Ivan?" I asked him.

He subtly gestured at the shapeshifted woman. I nodded to him.

"I was telling them about having met Princess Luna and Celestia," he said to me.

Corn Husker said, "Is she as kind as they say?" He sounded nervous which I suspect is his natural state.

"Yes," Ivan said. "She is kind and gentle. And very hard working, as you'd expect of an Earth Pony."

"She's not an Earth Pony," Corn Husker said. "She is higher, she is an alicorn, a goddess. An Immortal."

"She is," Ivan said. "Earth Pony, Pegasus and Unicorn all at once. And the Immortals were hu... mortals once," he continued.

I grinned a little.

Corn Husker started to say something, then sagged; his wife and daughter were talking to the Glantrians; his daughter looked THRILLED by her good luck.

"It's weird, I got this... thrill when I stepped inside. I could feel something, from up above," the daughter said. "I'd always hoped, but I knew Earth Ponies couldn't do magic. Not so easily as Unicorns, anyway. And I'd never get a chance to study and learn here." She sighed. But then she smiled. "But now I can! I'm going to be a wizard!"

"You should talk to Twilight before you go," I told her. "Oh, I'm Five Jacks High, one of Celestia's agents. Ivan here is my usual partner in getting in trouble."

"They're good at it," Applejack said, then laughed.

I laughed nervously. "Well, yes."

Everyone laughed now, even Corn Husker.

"You are very fortunate," Corn Husker said to Ivan softly.

"Here, let me show y'a... you all the jewels," Applejack said. She took them to see the jewels and I got Ivan to brief me, which was that suspicious woman was going around, studying the jewels somewhat covetously, but she seemed unlike to be a Unicorn, whatever her true nature. No sign of spells or anything.

Could be one of the other Elements.

She's either very brave, insane, or both to try slipping in here when... But does she know we're here? We don't know.

On the other hand, she must have seen Applejack; even in the outfit Applejack's wearing, she'd recognize Applejack.

We can't start a fight with all these people unless we have to. Hmm, on the other hand, if we let her go, we can follow her back to her base. Which would be good to find.

I went round and round in my head, then decided to just go find Captain Keen Eyes and tell him what we know, much as I don't like him.

I told him everything and he looked thoughtful. "I'll have one of my men follow her," he said. "She may or may not actually be connected to any of our foes."

I went back up to the watchtower to fret.

*************

Clarity did not appear clearly as herself but we identified more dopplegangers. Twilight compiled a list of people to inform; we would time it so the messages were delivered to relevant leaders at the same time as our audience; ideally this would avoid tipping them off that we were onto them too early.

That night, we stayed up, watching and waiting to see if Clarity made her raid for the jewels. We left a deliberate hole in the defenses; ideally this would let her in, then we could seal it and trap her. And Twilight had put up wards against teleportation to ensure no easy escape.

Blinky now said, "Something's under us. It's digging up into the embassy."

Clyde's eyes widened. "What?"

"Towards the jewels?" I asked.

"Towards the jewels," she confirmed.

We ringed the area and waited tensely.

Then the giant purple worm erupted upwards, swallowing the jewels. Purple worms are giant worm like creatures, about twenty feet across, which tunnel under ground and eat rock.

Strangely, Clyde looked relieved it was a giant worm and not... whatever he'd been worried about.

"It's made of shadow magic!" Twilight said. "This must have been made by Dawn Gleaming! I'm going to try to dispel it!" She concentrated, horn blazing and Rarity, Captain Keen Eyes, and I aided her as much as we could.

Blink, it vanished and the jewels fell down the shaft.

"Pegasi, CHARGE," Captain Keen Eyes shouted and they rushed down the tunnel, including Rainbow Dash and Clyde.

"Fluttershy, carry me down," Twilight said, hopping onto her and she began to descend, carrying Twilight.

Pinkie slipped on her magical boot/sock/slippers and ran down the tunnel's walls.

"Rarity, if we can light the tunnel, maybe the archers can help," I told her.

We tried projecting light but the tunnel was too deep for us to our frustration; we could just listen to the chaos and shouting below.

"Dammit," one of the Unicorns said and I agreed. Having to listen to a fight you can't even SEE is very annoying.

And then I felt a pulse of magic and a letter appeared by Captain Keen Eyes. It had Rarity's cutie mark as a seal.

His eyes widened and warily he read it silently, then put it in his pack, now looking confused.

"What did it say, Father?" Rarity asked.

"She hoped to rescue me," he said softly. "And apologized that my captors drove them off before she could." He looked very confused.

"The clones have a somewhat warped view of the world and past events," I told him. "But it makes sense she thinks you are her father."

He stared at the ground, frowning and I remembered the vision I'd seen. My gut churned. Could he fight her, if it came down to it?

Rarity came over and nuzzled him. "I'm sure we can bring her around if we can only get the chance," she said.

The sounds of chaos were dying down.

Pretty soon they returned, battered but triumphant. "Well, we drove them off," Twilight said, then sighed. "But they collapsed the tunnel and got away."

"I couldn't dig fast enough," Clyde said, frustrated. "And my best digging tools were in my room because I didn't think I'd be digging tonight."

"The good news is that they took the jewels, so ideally, I can use my tracking spell and we can find their base," Twilight said.

*************

Ideal, except that it turned out Dawn Gleaming knew that trick and was able to ward off Twilight's efforts. Dammit.

On the other hand, we had been able to track that shapeshifted woman and she went back to the Bronze Shanti's base earlier in the day.

We decided to deliver our message to the Radirajah first; we have no legal authority here to break into the Bronze Shanti's base and it would be just my luck to capture the Elements of Power, but then get thrown in jail for it.

We HAD to get the message to him without more delays, given how many dopplegangers were around.

Though in my heart, I knew the meeting was somehow going to go totally to hell.

But we all got suited up and ready and set Applejack to maximum frou-frou mode. She and Rarity had been up very late, reviewing etiquette with the ambassador. To my surprise, Fluttershy was in human form again, looking very determined. By Fluttershy standards, anyway. She and Ivan were our only humans and I hoped no one would see them and cause a scene. Ivan was wearing a holy symbol of Asterius and had hidden his weapons in his clothing. I suddenly wondered if he was going to try to pass as a cleric.

Then we set out to be elegant, diplomatic, and sneaky.

*************

Rarity had made Clyde a nice suit and Blinky a nice dress for the meeting. We didn't want to leave them behind in case Pinkamena came for THEM. Clyde had been a little disappointed she hadn't tried to kidnap him.

We marched with our escorts through the streets and through the guards; being hailed by the door wardens and heralds was rather nice, really. Respect is a good thing.

I glanced at Fluttershy, worried she'd lose herself again. I wish I could help her. I'm fine with being in this form; I don't think it's affected my mind at all beyond the obvious stuff caused by the magic.

But how would I tell? On the other hand, no one is saying I'm acting weird.

I was going to nuzzle Rarity, my beautiful girlfriend, but then I decided the interests of dignity, unfortunately, would have to trump the interests of showing her how I feel. So I just whispered, "I love you," in her ear and watched her turn a little red and smile brightly.

"I love you too," she whispered and smiled at me. But again, dignity.

Damn you, dignity.

Much to Captain Keen Eyes frustration, most of his guards had to wait outside the palace. However, High Dive and an Earth Pony named Iron Smith had donned civilian clothing along with Captain Keen Eyes, hidden their weapons in saddlebags, and were pretending to be our servants, doing things like opening doors for us.

Clyde and Blinky both looked very nervous. Pinkie stuck close by them, whispering encouraging words. Fluttershy also spoke to them quietly, which seemed to help.

Ivan had the carefully neutral look of a man who wished he could light a match and watch this all burn but had to restrain himself. Patience, Ivan. One day, you'll be in place to start getting rid of the fire ants.

Besides, you KNOW a good con... diplomatic mission... requires subtlety and patience. Let's not have a repetition of what happened in Wendar.

At least everyone in Wendar is sure we're dead.

We encountered Corn Husker and his master; Corn Husker was hauling a small wagon piled with goods down a hallway as his master and his master's wife (I assume) walked ahead of him. Kal-iya Ajith and his wife turned and saw us and stared, then Kal-iya Ajith paled and bowed to Fluttershy.

She touched his forehead lightly. "Do good, not ill, and you will never taste my wrath again, Kal-iya Ajith. You were given this rank to help and protect others, not to abuse it. Show yourself worthy."

"Hey, Corn Husker, ho... Hello, good sir," Applejack said, correcting herself. "I hope you and your family are well."

"Thank you very much again," he said, sounding grateful. "We are quite well. Our daughter, Nimble Tongue, is at the Glantrian Embassy right now, starting her studies. I am very proud of her."

"Congratulations," I told her. "The study of wizardry is very rewarding. I had to teach myself from a book I bought." Stole, actually, but you can't say that when you're dignified.

"She's always loved to read, even though it was forbidden," Corn Husker said.

FORBIDDEN?

Twilight stared, mouth open wide.

Kal-iya Ajith's wife frowned. "It causes people to get ideas they shouldn't have."

"Dear, it is not wise to taunt the friends of a Ral-iya," Kal-iya Ajith said frantically.

Ivan made the gurgly noises of a man who wishes SO MUCH to unload verbal guns but can't.

Slither hissed at Kal-iya Ajith's wife, who said, "I know you're not really human," to Fluttershy.

"And I know your status was not earned by your karma in a past life, but merely was inherited by birth," Ivan said. "What does her body matter when she has spiritual power? Further, she is a druid. Her flesh is whatever is convenient to her."

Fluttershy licked her lips nervously, then reached into her pocket and pulled out a seed. She whispered to it and sang and it sprouted somehow into a daisy without having proper roots or a bush or... I can't remember how daisies grow at all, really. She then offered it to Kal-iya's Ajith's wife. "I can tell you love your husband very much and you just wish to defend his honor. That is commendable," she said softly.

Kal-iya Ajith's wife looked confused, but took the flower, staring at it as if it might bite her.

"Forbidden?" Twilight finally squeaked.

"But she can do what she likes there. One day, she says she will take us to Glantri, where things are different. It is hard to imagine," Corn Husker said with a certain awe. "The Immortals have smiled on us."

"Glantri has its flaws too," Ivan said to him. "But I think you'll be happier there."

"Glantrian wizards abuse their power," Kal-iya Ajith's wife said bitterly.

"Enough," Kal-iya Ajith said. "Wear the flower, dear."

"But..."

"Wear it," he said more firmly and she tucked it into her hair frowning.

He bowed to Fluttershy. "Good luck with whatever brings you here, enlightened one. Corn Husker, we must go. We must see the Minister of Trade."

"Good luck," I said, trying to be diplomatic. "Immortals shine their blessing on you." It's important in diplomacy to wish everyone well until it's time to slide in the knife.

They soon moved on and so did we.

************

We were escorted to a room, where we waited two hours, then got moved to another for thirty minutes, then BACK to the first for an hour, then we had lunch in ANOTHER room, then we were taken to the gardens and musicians entertained us. Applejack was starting to look somewhat overwhelmed by maintaining decorum. Rarity, on the other hand, enjoyed the various entertainments. Clyde and Blinky, oddly, took it best, eating what was given to them, listening to music or watching juggling, as if this happened every day. Compared to earlier nerves, it confused me.

It began to rain hard, pounding down, so they took us inside to another room as the rain hit like an ocean falling from the sky.

As we were watching a group of very skilled acrobats, Fluttershy began talking quietly to Spike, who looked intrigued. Meanwhile, Twilight now began scribbling on a piece of paper; it seemed to be a crude map of the palace. I looked at it. "What's that for?"

"I am suddenly wondering if someone in the Radhirajah's staff has either been charmed or bribed or replaced by someone working for our enemies and is trying to shuffle us around so we never see the Radhirajah," Twilight said.

"I'll find him," Ivan said, then faked having to go to the bathroom; he got directions and slipped off.

Pinkie began humming the pocket pony song, which was now much longer and more elaborate.

Blinky closed her eyes and seemed to focus on something. What, she didn't say.

Could the shifters be planning a strike? Or do they hope we'll freak out and get thrown out? Ooh, I... okay, I don't actually LIKE that plan but I appreciate the cunning, especially with Applejack getting ever more uncomfortable.

Captain Keen Eyes refilled my glass. His voice oozed politeness. "Some wine for the noble Count Five Jacks High." His eyes said 'choke on it'.

I smiled back. "Thank you, good sir." My eyes said, 'You can't stop me, ha ha'.

Thus the cycle of hate was preserved.

Soon, Ivan returned. "No one on our shifter list is involved, BUT I convinced a servant to talk and he has heard the Radhirajah is annoyed because of the various incidents with our people, and is snubbing us in response. He'll talk to us eventually, but this is a kind of 'know your place' snub."

Delightful.

**********

We got shuffled more. We had dinner. Applejack had glazed over and turned into a stiff, formal zombie who Rarity had to carefully guide around. We were all getting jumpy and nervous with tension. Blinky kept napping wherever we went. Or maybe she was just concentrating on something.

I finally asked her.

"Keeping an eye out for purple worms. Just in case they try that again," she said.

"I fully support what you're doing." Ahahah. Fixing the embassy is going to take forever. Fortunately, it only damaged one building and dug a huge tunnel.

We got moved to ANOTHER room and this time I smelled a smell that gave me intense paranoia. Everyone else was sniffing the air and looking a little worried.

"What is that?" I said.

"I don't know," Applejack said, frowning and snapping out of her funk. Then she sighed. "A refined young lady such as myself does not cavort with creatures which smell like this."

I smiled. "And a fine refined young lady you are, fair Countess Applejack."

Rarity took a deep breath. "It's mixed with perfume. They tried to hide their scent with a kind of lemon-scented oil. But it wasn't enough to fool us."

"I can't smell it," Ivan said. "I only pick up the hint of lemon."

Twilight cast a quick spell to reveal anything invisible but there was nothing invisible. A Sindhi bard sat on cushions, played a sitar and related a heroic tale about an earlier Radhirajah who battled a great evil dragon and slew it. It was a pretty good story but even Rarity was starting to go a little stir crazy by now.

And then another servant entered. Lemon-scented. With just a hint of the other smell. Carefully, we followed him, knowing this might be a trap.

The next room had a group of trained roosters, who began performing the Equestrian National Anthem as two tamers, both not shifters, urged them on. I started laughing; the soldiers and Keen Eyes glared at me but Dash joined in and then Pinkie and soon everyone else, even Keen Eyes was laughing.

Shifter boy stood by the door.

Suddenly, I realized Ivan was not here. I hoped that boded well, not ill.

Then Ivan returned, shoving his way in. "The Radhirajah is meeting with 'us'. Which means it has to be the Elements of Power impersonating us."

FUCK ME RAW.

"To the rescue!" Twilight shouted, and then the shifter in the doorway turned into a huge ten foot tall green humanoid with elven style ears and that damn elven smirk but with the claws of a troll and the fashion sense of a murder hobo.

DOPPLEGANGER-ELF-TROLL!!!!!!!

"You BASTARD! You all fell into the Elemental Plane of FIRE, DAMMIT!"

He was about to give his evil speech but now he said, "What the..." His eyes narrowed. "YOU BASTARD! Cufen the Magnificent, we have sworn to DESTROY YOU ABOVE ALL THINGS!!!! Princess Marjorie promised us our revenge but we never dreamed you would throw yourself INTO OUR CLAWS!"

"Well, you were certain humble in that life," Clyde observed, amused.

"In your dreams," Rarity said and fired an arrow right into his arm. He bled a little but the wound closed itself with the arrow in it. "Twilight, you said that rune would make shapeshifters revert to normal!"

"This IS normal for a doppleganger-elf-troll!" I said. "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!" And then I hurled fire at him; he dodged and a tapestry caught fire. Ivan drew his sword and clipped him and he took a Pinkie-Pie to the face as he stumbled into the hallway but he shouted, "The light purple pony is CUFEN THE MAGNIFICENT REBORN!"

What irks me most? Only these damn things ever actually used my title from that life! And the town that awarded it to me, but knowing my life, I wasn't able to stay in Tameronikas for very long.

This is probably why Tameronikas is still standing.

And now distantly, a voice shouted with magic-amplification, "The Equestrians have kidnapped the Radhirajah and are trying to escape! STOP THEM!"

BLOODY HELL!!!!!

Applejack leaped at the doppleganger-elf-troll, knocked him down, then casually punted him off down the hallway. Rarity retrieved her arrow, looking annoyed. Then we began rushing towards where Ivan said our evil twins were. Unfortunately, we now encountered a group of guards. "Halt!" they said.

This posed a difficult problem. If we halted, it's likely our foes would escape. But if we attacked them, the odds of this ending well would plummet.

"Ivan," Twilight said and he came over to her. She looked into his eyes, and then BAMF, we all teleported. Twilight was panting hard now and then Ivan had to catch her. But we landed where the Radhirajah had been.

HAD been.

Now there was a distant brawl and the sound of a shouting. We ran towards it. More guards and Twilight was basically too tired to teleport us again. We dodged around them, trying to follow the sounds, but we kept having to evade guards and ending more lost and further away.

"Roof," Twilight mumbled. "Easiest escape is to have something to fly away on. We need to go up." Clyde was carrying her; he was strong and she was, as ponies go, light. IE, heavier than me.

We made for a staircase and ran for the roof. Unfortunately, it didn't actually GO to the roof.

"TIME TO MAKE A HOLE!" Dash shouted and smashed the roof open. This was enough for Clyde, High Dive, Dash, and Fluttershy to fly up. Fluttershy began using Slither like a fishing pole to reel people up while the others hauled folk with ropes.

The good news was we made it onto the roof before our evil twins escaped.

The bad news was that they had a Glantri-style flying ship STAFFED BY DOPPLEGANGER-ELF-TROLLS. WHERE DID THEY GET SO MANY OF THE DAMN THINGS?

And they had SIX of them on the roof with them. Dawn Gleaming concentrated and the Radhirajah flew up onto the ship with her telekinetic powers. AND they had Pinkamena's shadow friend squad, including Sir Lintsalot, who they must have recovered from... wherever he went when we conned him.

Then there was a distant explosion and I felt a wash of magic.

"There went the teleport wards," Twilight mumbled.

"Wait, they didn't stop you teleporting inside the castle," I said.

"I was too strong for them but now I'm pretty wiped out." She touched her crown, the Element of Magic. Oh hoh.

Dragonshy said, "Now you all... Fluttershy, what are you DOING?" she said, staring at Fluttershy.

Fluttershy blinked as she petted Slither's head. "Just rewarding him for being such a good, good boy. He was so helpful!" She smiled. "I'm going to give you some tasty mice later, yes, I will."

Dragonshy said, "But you... I mean... Ahahaha." She looked stunned.

"Do NOT tell me you are afraid of snakes," Rainbow Crash said to Dragonshy, half mocking and half stunned.

Ivan said, "You're a pony, you wouldn't get it."

"SHE is a pony too!" Rainbow Crash said, pointing at Dragonfly.

I studied Fluttershy. Is she... probably she is losing it. Dammit. I think she may be vamping but it's hard to tell for some reason. But I don't think she's doing it deliberately.

"Hand over the Radhirajah now! Do you realize what you're doing?" Captain Keen Eyes demanded. "This could start a war!"

"It will start a war and Sind will lose. Its filthy oppressive system of government will fall and Ponies will no longer be oppressed here. Isn't that what you want?" Niccolo said back.

Ivan grimaced. He opened his mouth, shut it, then stared at the roof, clearly now feeling instinctively that this isn't the way to do it, but unable to argue with that goal.

"Marjorie wants her own kingdom," I said. "Not to free it but to rule it. If you erect freedom for Ponies on a stack of corpses, won't it just mean that one day the humans will rise up and take revenge? That's not how Equestria became freer than it was under noble rule. You've read history, Dawn Gleaming," I said. "Tell me how Equestria became how it is today."

She gulped, then grew more confident. "As Equestria's neighbors entered periods of weakness and peace with the Buffalo came to pass, the military class became less necessary. Gradually, merchants and craftsmen, rather than farmers who were peasants controlled by knightly war-ponies, became the main generators of wealth. Wealth is a form of power," she continued, and Apple Blossom nodded.

"My kind of people became the true rulers of Equestria. Cultured, literate, hard-working, and wealthy. Celestia recovered from her illness and allied herself to our people and gradually we eased the nobility into their current status as singing canaries for the glory of the court," Apple Blossom said. "Clarity and I represent the true nobility of Equestria now."

"Exactly, darling," Clarity said. "Father, you should come with us. I don't want to fight you and there is much good you could do with us. This land will need strong, honest men like you as we begin to make it a fit place for Pony and beast alike." She paused, then looking a little embarrassed, she said, "I have missed you, Father."

I could see the vision burning in my eyes like a brand. Saw him put in the position of fighting his daughter. For all that I hate him, my heart suddenly went out to him. DAMN YOU, HEART. How could a man have to fight his own child?

We'd told him about Clarity but only now did it really sink in, as Spikey stood by her, one hand on her back, and Spike carefully didn't look at them.

He licked his lips and then he said, "You should join us. You know your mother misses you. You can come back to Equestria and see her. And Sweetie misses her sister so very much." His voice was rough and wobbled. He's not a practiced liar. He's a very honest man.

An honest asshole, but an honest man.

It would be easier to hate him without remorse if he would stop having some good qualities, DAMMIT.

Rarity made a noise, and I touched her mind with a spell. 'We should play along. He's taking the right approach.'

'I know. It's just my nerves, darling.' She pressed to me and we stood close, keeping our mouths shut.

Slowly, though, the boat was moving away. Leaving them behind? Why?

Clyde started, then turned to Pinkamena, staring at her. She glared back at him.

"Go ahead, condemn me. You always do. You always did. You had to have it your way or the highway, so I chose the highway and you hate me for it. But I don't need you. I'm old enough to make my own choices." She sounded very angry. "Hello, Blinky. I see you're going to inherit the farm now that you've let Father grind and polish you down to the shape and size he wants, everything extraneous rubbed away by water and words."

"So, Dawn Gleaming. You think you can rush that here? Sind is still ruled by nobles who lord it over peasants, though the merchants and craftsmen are waxing in strength. Does your study really show that Sind is ready for this sort of revolution to actually work? To actually last? Or is it more likely to lead to the warriors resuming control and cracking down on those you sought to free?" I said.

"I..." She hesitated. "But I can't just do nothing! It's better to take a chance on failure than to do nothing and guarantee it!"

Aaargh, I'm not so good at this kind of big social question. "I think the Sindhi have to make this revolution for themselves for it to work," I told her. But that's easy for me to say; I don't have to live with the system as it is.

Dammit, this country probably should be overthrown but Marjorie is an evil bastard and can't be trusted with it and if we don't stop them, she'll attack Equestria and even if Equestria wins, a lot of people will die.

And most people don't get to reincarnate like me.

Dammit.

While we launched into a four way debate between myself, Twilight, Dawn Gleaming, and Sammy (who I will note, does not look as good as a pony as I do), Clarity wobbled for a moment. "Father, I can't go back until these evil twins are dealt with. Please, join us." Her voice was urgent.

"Clarity and I need your help," Spikey said urgently. "Don't let these fakes fool you. Don't you want to get rid of that punk, Five Jacks High?"

Captain Keen Eyes glanced at me and grimaced.

Bloody hell. Damn you, Spikey.

"I lur... I lar..." Clyde coughed and spat out his hay. "I love you and I'm sorry," he said, sounding pained to say it. "I never told you that enough. I was so worried you all would have my bad habits from my youth that I crushed you all trying to restrain you and didn't do a good job of showing you the light I'd found. But I just buried you with it, instead."

"We love you, please come home," Pinkie said, holding out a hoof to Pinkamena.

Pinkamena's eyes widened, clearly not expecting this. The flaw of having totally false memories.

"I... Father..." she squeaked.

"He's probably just trying to trick you like that bastard tricked me," Sir Lintsalot said urgently.

"You know how he always treated you, as just a slave to work all day," Madame LeFlour said. "Never a moment of fun."

"And he'd get mad and yell at you if you did anything wild at all," Rocky said. "Anything not covered in the book of Kagyar."

"And the food was terribly bland. Even the food didn't get to be exciting!" Mr. Turnip said.

"I know, we overdid it," Clyde said. "But I'm sorry." He kept his hoof extended and Pinkamena stared at it uncertainly.

Apple Blossom and Applejack stared at each other, and Apple Blossom grinned. "So you have to be me to beat me, dearie? Shows which one of us is the original."

"Even being elegant means you're copying my grace and dignity," Applejack said calmly. "There's only one way to settle this, you know."

"I know," Apple Blossom said. "Tea Party of death. Anton!"

One of the doppleganger-elf-trolls began setting up a table, putting out tea and tea gear and laying out snacks.

"..." I stared for a moment.

"Given a free choice, I would fling him into the sun. But I lost that choice when I swore allegiance to Celestia," Captain Keen Eyes said firmly. "She has ordered me to protect him and I will die for his worthless hide if I must, though I would rather not." He licked his lips. "I will fight you if I must, but I would rather not. Come Clarity, join us, and we will let bygones be bygones, daughter." His voice was soft but firm.

"First event," Anton said. "Tea pouring."

Applejack and Apple Blossom spun delicately, each took a pot with their tail and carefully poured out tea. I could see Rarity concentrating, probably giving advice by magic to Applejack. Apple Blossom's tea sloshed slightly but she gently tapped the cup and it stabilized.

Pinkamena and Clarity both wobbled, clearly torn.

Applejack and Apple Blossom now each carefully took the glass with two hooves. Slowly, every so slowly, they lifted it to their lips and took a sip, just a small one. Applejack's tongue started to come out to lick her lips dry but she made herself stop. Apple Blossom smiled. "That would have been quite gauche. But flawed instincts will tell."

"I'll sho... I will show you whose instincts are best," Applejack said. She and Apple Blossom each took a small cake, balanced it on one hoof and took a bite. While Apple Blossom had better fine control on keeping her cake stable, the rest of her body wobbled a bit. Applejack balanced flawlessly on three legs but wobbled a touch with the cake.

"So, you going to try to tempt me to switch sides?" Rainbow Crash said to Rainbow Dash.

"Naah, I know me. You'll only learn to stop being a punk when I KICK YOUR ASS," Rainbow Dash said. "I'm just waiting for the full brawl to start."

"HAH! We'll see!" Rainbow Crash said.

"We can't fight until I win this argument!" Dawn Gleaming said.

"Given you just tried to cite an imaginary book, that could be a long time," Twilight said weakly.

"The Hiearcopolis scroll is AUTHENTIC," Dawn Gleaming insisted. "It records the first labor strike for which we have a record, after Blackmoor!"

"It was made up in Corunglain in 783 AC in order to justify a labor strike by morticians," Twilight said.

"Well, that's the argument in Decius Mobalus' history of Corunglain," I said.

"Mobalus was the little bitch of Corun House, who told him what to write. It was a strike against their rivals, Toney House, who they wanted to make look bad," Sammy insisted.

"You should not refer to a historian as a 'little bitch," Twilight said weakly.

And then Fire Swallow and Cruisin' came up over the edge of the roof. FUCK. "They're almost here. Time to GO," Fire Swallow said.

"But I haven't won yet!" Dawn Gleaming said. "We haven't even pinned down what the acceptable standards for sources are!"

"Father, come with us, please," Clarity said, starting to cry.

As you'd expect, now Captain Keen Eyes looked intensely uncomfortable. "I know you're just crying to try and get me to give in to what you want."

"I didn't do that all the time," Rarity mumbled.

"Is it working?" Clarity said hopefully.

"If they see both groups, they will know the TRUTH," Fire Swallow said urgently.

"This is NOT a concession, it's just a rescheduling! We'll finish this later!" Dawn Gleaming said, frustrating. "I am NOT running away because I would lose this argument! Not at all!"

"It's because Twilight is smarter than you," I said, grinning a little.

"NO!"

Applejack and Apple Blossom were now taking another cup of tea; they both set it down, grinning at each other. "I fear, dear friend, that our fine tea party is about to be cut short," Applejack said.

"I must regretfully depart," Apple Blossom said. "But I am sure we will meet again in the Broken Lands or elsewhere. Farewell, old chum."

"Isn't that what sharks eat?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Yeah, makes a great put down!" Crash said enthusiastically.

Not actually the point.

"Come on, Pinkamena, it's not too late," Pinkie said urgently. "Father and Blinky and I all want you to come with us."

"If you really wanted me, Mother would be here too. She never liked how I looked and always thought Father cheated on her somehow to make me," Pinkamena said.

"Honey, that's impossible, given she gave birth to you," Clyde said.

Pinkamena, for a moment, paused with mouth open wide. "I... How did I... yes, it makes no sense, but..." She suddenly looked utterly panicked.

"You tricked her!" Sir Lintsalot said angrily. "Liars!"

And then there was a flash and Dawn Gleaming teleported them. Unfortunately, our Twilight was too exhausted to stop them.

The ship rose into the clouds even as our pegasi launched towards it.

"So close, DAMMIT," Captain Keen Eyes said angrily.

"Pinkamena," Clyde said sadly. "Blinky, how long do we have?"

"About two seconds," Blinky said, and then the first wave of guards broke onto the roof.

"Surrender!" they shouted.

"No... no... Celestia is going to banish me to the Moon..." Twilight wailed, utterly depressed.

Rarity licked her lips. "Pegasi, return!" she shouted. "Break for the hole and jump down!"

She took command as we all retreated, jumping down through the hole; Ivan was carried down by Fluttershy. Then we ran through the palace but ever more guards wer closing in on us. Blinky whispered to Clyde, who nodded.

"We need to get to the basement," Clyde said.

"Why?" I asked.

"We can get us out of here if we can get down to good solid rock," he said.

"This way!" Rarity shouted and we followed her lead as Twilight continued to wail in despair.

***************

She didn't actually know which way we were going, it turned out. We finally were brought to bay in a large dining room, which we barred the door and tried to think of a plan. Busting the floor revealed... troops under us. Someone thought of that. Dammit, the noose was tightening.

"I guess we fight," I said.

And then a door we hadn't seen before opened. What came in was a stallion in dark blue robes with the moon on them in white. He looked like a male version of Luna and he had a necklace around his neck of Luna's cutie mark. Given he ALSO had the same cutie mark, this looked odd. "I am the Prophet of Luna," he announced. "Come to bring freedom to this land. Follow me, servants of the holy Luna. I will lead you to freedom."

"It won't matter if they capture us, Celestia will send the whole prison to the moon," Twilight wailed.

This is not a good time for her to have a breakdown.

"We need to get to the basement," Rarity said.

I hope she's right to trust Clyde. Though with that cutie mark, I expect he can dig pretty fast.

"You know, Luna..." Ivan began.

"We know Luna has blessed you, human," he said. "And I know of your kindness to our kind. Remember us when you walk among the stars."

Ivan started, then looked guilty.

We followed him; I hoped it was not a mistake. The passage was narrow and forked many times. "What is this?" I asked.

"For servants to travel without being seen. Especially lowly ponies, who might 'taint' high caste folk by their presence," he said bitterly. "This land groans with long sorrows."

We reached an intersection and another identical pony waited there. "I am the Prophet of Luna," the second one said. "I will guide you."

"I will fade our passage," the first one said. "Then return home. Luna's blessing on you."

They even smelled the same.

"Are you all priests, I take it?" I said.

"We are many fingers of one hand," he said. "United by our common purpose. We will shield you, for Luna's sake."

"We have to go to the basement," Rarity said.

Luna's second prophet hesistated. "But if they figure it out, you will be trapped."

"I have a few tricks of my own," Clyde said.

"Then let us go swiftly."

****************

Something about this pony... We followed him down to the basement, which was full of stores. And a few servant ponies, who bowed to the Prophet. "They will go and tell everyone they saw you heading for the Radhirajah's boat," the Prophet said. "I must go before I am missed."

"The Radhirajah really has been skimping on counter-intelligence work," Captain Keen Eyes said, shaking his head.

"No one pays attention to lowly ponies or considers them worth spying on," the Prophet said. "And we take a great risk for you that some of our brethren will be exposed."

"Thank you," Clyde said. "You're good people. Go before they find you with us."

The prophet left and he and Blinky kicked one of the walls in a complex pattern.

A few seconds of nothing ensued.

And then two huge weird ghostly creatures came through the wall. One was blue and one was orange. They were shaped roughly like a hemisphere connected to a tube with a cartoony face painted on one side. Then they somehow pulled off... They turned into two ponies, each holding a full head mask like the shape they'd had a moment ago; one was an older mare with her hair in a bun and fake elf ears and wearing an elven outfit adapted for ponies in orange and blue; the other was a younger mare, also in an elven style outfit in blue and gold. She was wearing fake elf ears and a hat like mine. Her mane had been very obviously dyed green.

"Mother?" Pinkie squeaked.

She had a wry smile. "Hello, dear. Inky and I have come to save you."

"I am Arwen Moonshadow now!" Inky insisted.

"Of course you are, dear," Mrs. Pie said. She and Clyde nuzzled each other. "We'd best start funneling people. Masks on, everyone."

Blinky and Clyde turned out to have hidden masks which also let them do... whatever exactly those things did. Let them phase, I think. They took us through the wall into a tunnel, taking each of us one at a time.

"I fear we will soon have to go into the nasty sewer," Bonnie Pie (I think that's her name) said.

"It's the GHOSTLY GANG," Twilight suddenly said. "I thought they all got eaten by a dragon twenty five years ago!"

"It's what we wanted everyone to think," Clyde Pie said.

"And the Older Gang's running around here too," Spike said. "Wow. It's old crime week here in Sind."

My brain put the pieces together. Those two robbed the Thyatians and left the necklace to throw off suspicion. VERY clever.

Not clever enough to fool me, though.

HAH!

"Anyway, ho..." Bonnie paused.

She stared at her husband.

Her eyes widened.

So did Inky's.

"What?" Bonnie said, mouth open wide.

"Umm... Twilight... ahahaha." He laughed nervously, one hoof behind his head.

"Man, that looks just like you," Ivan whispered to me, then laughed.

Ahahaha.

"Honey..." Bonnie said warningly.

"It's my fault," Twilight mumbled. "I'm sorry. I can't do anything right."

"No, it's okay," Clyde said to her, then turned back to his wife. "I still love you as much as ever. I'm not going to fly away and leave you behind like Five Stars did." He nuzzled her gently. "We'll fly into the future together."

He glanced at Dash, who gave him the hoofs up.

"Honey, you ALWAYS get us in over our head," Bonnie said, shaking her head.

"I rely on you to get us out. And you'd be bored if I didn't," he said to her.

Bonnie laughed ruefully. "We couldn't even manage to stay boring."

"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Pinkie said, flailing.

"We'll explain everything later," Clyde said. "We have to go."

We ran through the tunnels. "We have to get back to the embassy," Rarity said.

"Conveniently, there's now a 'secret tunnel' into it," Clyde said, laughing.

Ahahaha.

Fluttershy now spread some seeds as she flew and sang, tangling up the path behind us with vines and brambles as we ran. "This will stop any pursuit."

Baron Golden Star is going to kill us.

So dead.

Maybe Celestia WILL banish us to the moon.

*******************

"We get you out of the country," Baron Golden Star said. "If we hurry, we can get you on the train which is about to leave."

"Too obvious," Clyde said. "And puts the other passengers in danger," he continued.

Baron Golden Star grimaced. "It wouldn't have come to this if you hadn't annoyed the Radhirajah enough to make him make you wait."

Captain Keen Eyes grimaced and we all mumbled apologetically. DAMMIT.

A letter now appeared, landing on Twilight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

My dear little ponies and humans,

Spike has sent me a letter informing me of your plight. Baron Golden Star, I need you to tell them the truth. They won't believe it but with the Radhirajah gone, the government will be paralyzed at least for a little while. I need you to buy as much time as you can. I put my trust in you, Baron Golden Star. Do your very best and I will be satisfied. Every moment you can buy us is a moment more for the Elements to recover the Radhirajah and prevent open war.

Twilight, I know you feel guilty. We can discuss this later, but I need you to pull yourself together and study hard and plan how to rescue the Radhirajah. I need you, Twilight. And I trust in you. Everyone makes mistakes. But it's not too late to fix this one.

Everyone, you should escape through the south gate and head south into the desert down the road. I will arrange for you to be picked up there.

Luna will have further instructions for you soon. Be swift and fierce and wise, my friends. Do not look to the past or chew the cud of your regrets. What is done is done. Look to the future and we will make it shine together.

I still put my trust in you all.

Your Princess, Friend, and Mentor,

Princess Celestia of Equestria.

PS: Buy Spike some ice cream when you get the chance. He deserves it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Celestia, I'm sorry," Twilight said, shivering, then tried to pull herself together. "Baron, do you have any ice cream for Spike?"

"We don't have..." He looked at the letter again. "I'll send a servant."

Twilight closed her eyes and shook for a few seconds, then got up. Her eyes opened and she looked weak but determined. "Okay. Grab anything you left here at the embassy. We ship out in ten minutes. Spike, eat quickly."

"I'm good at that!" Spike said excitedly and ran for the kitchens.

Ahh, feels like old days.

THE TIMES I RAN FOR MY LIFE WITH EVERYTHING ON FIRE.

Except now I have someone to run for my life with.

I took a moment to nuzzle Rarity as we grabbed things in our room and she now kissed me. "Nice job taking charge and leading us," I told her.

"Well, I knew Twilight would snap out of it after a while but someone had to take charge," she said.

"You did well, daughter. I'm proud of you," Captain Keen Eyes said to Rarity.

"Shouldn't you be packing?" I told him.

"I kept everything in my saddlebags in case something like this happened," he said.

Ahaha.

"Thank you, Father. I just wish Clarity had listened to you."

"If I had a little more time..." He sighed. "No regrets. Celestia is right. We have to move forwards. See you all in five." He galloped off, shouting orders to his men.

She licked her lips nervously. "I guess..." She stopped.

"Guess?" I asked.

"I've kind of enjoyed having you as a pony all this time but no reason to stay this way now," she said. "I'll owe you a good long run." She sighed. "It would have been nicer without Father hanging over us the whole time, though."

"We'll have plenty of time in the future," I told her.

If we're alive.

"Anyway, I'm staying this way until I'm sure I won't need to run," I told her.

Then I can have my freakout in safety.

*************

Stage one of the plan was simple. We quickly bought wagons and hitched our earth ponies to them, then put everyone else in the wagons and then the earth ponies put hoof to cobblestone, hauling us through the city at high speed as alarms sounded and watchmen began heading our way. We soon had a mob of soldiers chasing us as we headed for the south gate.

Fluttershy, still in human form, now rose up, even as the soldiers frantically closed the gate. She chanted and lightning stabbed down from the clouds above the city as rain poured down. Strike after strike battered the gates and then the pegasi formed into a v formation and charged it, smashing it apart as the unicorns worked to divert incoming arrow fire. We rushed out the gates and away down the road at high speed.

Ivan was laughing. "Remember Oceansend?"

"I wish I could forget," I told him, but I was laughing too, mane flapping in the wind. There's something about running from the law which is just exhilarating.

A catapult was about to fire at us and Rarity fired an arrow; it exploded, blowing up the catapult and I high-hooved her and we both laughed. More arrows disabled the rest of the gate artillery as Keen Eyes men proved their worth.

A squad of cavalry tried to block us and Keen Eyes reared up. Arrows FLOODED out of his packs and fell like rain from the sky, scattering the cavalry, then came back to him and stashed themselves.

Holy shit.

He grinned at me and I resolved never to piss him off.

Umm...

Never to... ummm...

AHAHAHAHA.

"I normally don't do that because if they actually hit anything, I'm out of arrows," he said. "But it has its uses."

Like making ME a pincushion. Ahaha.

Faster, Earth Ponies, FASTER!

He wobbled a bit; I suspect it takes a lot out of him too.

Hippogriffs with riders came after us now, but the pegasi took to the air, battling them. Pretty soon, the formation was scattered and they rejoined us.

And we roared off down the road in our wagons.

**************

Our foes gave chase, but regular horses can't keep up with Earth Ponies. Suckers.

We soon were deep into the desert and night was upon us; the storm was dumping down rain and heat rose up from the rocky terrain, creating a kind of steam bath. It made me feel annoyingly filthy.

And then something loomed down out of the clouds. A flying tree. A huge tree and around it was a veritable fortress of interlinked buildings connected by ramps and elevators. It was a liftwood tree, in fact, stuck in a giant pot. And from the top two flags flew. One of them was the skull and crossbones of pirates. And the other was flag of... Ierendi? What on earth was this and why were Ierendi pirates flying around in it?

A letter dropped onto Twilight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Har, Maties!,

This do be the Dread Pirate Lunette. Are ye ready to be brought aboard this fine vessel?

Your friend,

The Dread Pirate Lunette.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The... OH," Twilight said. "I wonder who built this."

"Oh, I think I know," Applejack said proudly.

"Umm, how do we get up there?" Fluttershy said hesitantly.

I blinked and touched her wings.

"OH."

Having an entire lance of pegasi meant we all got swiftly ferried up to the vessel, and soon joined the Dread Pirate Lunette and her crew.

The Dread Pirate Lunette was Luna in her Belcadizian elf form. It also included the Cutie Mark Crusaders (in pirate outfits), Lyra, Bon-Bon, and Ditzy. And a bunch of Equestrian soldiers now in pirate outfits.

Scootaloo was, in fact, driving the craft / tree, which had huge sails to catch the wind. And with pegasi onboard, they had whatever winds they needed. Scootaloo wore a black hat and a black jacket and black pants and had a parrot on her shoulder.

"And look!" Apple Bloom said proudly, pointing to her flank. A hammer stood next to a treehouse in an apple tree; the shield of the Cutie Mark Crusaders hung on the treehouse. "Now we just have to get Scootaloo hers! I bet when we have our first aerial battle, she'll get it!" She wore a black buccaneer's hat and a blue miliary jacket with gold trim.

"I'd better!" Scootaloo said.

"Nice job," Applejack said to Apple Bloom. "Granny and Big Mac will be proud of you. Then they'll kill me for letting you into this situation."

Lunette hugged Ivan then came round and hugged everyone. "Twilight, we will need to develop a plan before we reach Marjorie's base. We have to rescue the Radhirajah as fast as we can."

"If we hurry, we may be able to intercept them before they get to her base," Twilight said.

"Aye, Aye, Captain Twilight," Scootaloo said, saluting.

Sweetie now ran up to her father and embraced him. She wore a striped white and blue shirt and had a bandana around her hair. She also had an eyepatch on and a fake wooden leg. "Har!" she said and her father laughed and nuzzled her.

She then ran over to Rarity and I and we snuggled up to her. "What a fearsome pirate you are," I said, grinning.

"Nothing can stop me now!" Apple Bloom said excitedly, tail waggling.

A dangerous sentiment.

We now got stowed away in our quarters. Apple Bloom gleefully pointed out all the traps in the place, intended to deter boarders. Snares, counterweights to fling you off the tree, pit traps (especially bad given how high this thing flies), crashing walls, falling ceilings, the works.

If this stuff goes off in the middle of the night, I will be PISSED.

"Did you really have to make this place so deadly?" Rarity said just a little nervously.

"Well, originally I was planning for a smaller crew. But Uncle K had some suggestions and then things kind of got out of hand," Apple Bloom said.

Ahhaha. Yes.

I heard Fluttershy shriek distantly. Back to normal. Which means... eeee.

And then I realized... I can't actually turn back because Celestia did this. Maybe Twilight could dispel it. But... dammit.

I need HANDS.

Oh, LUNA.

I rounded up Luna once our stuff was stowed. Well, 'Lunette'. We went back to my room and I got Rarity to grapple me, just in case I freak out. "Change me as well," Rarity said to Lunette. "Marcus was kind enough to give me a week; I will give him one now."

She nodded and changed us, while Sweetie watched curiously.

I felt utterly disoriented. I couldn't smell anyone any more. I felt weirdly isolated and I couldn't hear as well and my field of vision had changed and everything looked subtly different somehow.

I panicked and would have run but Rarity held me until my nerves unjangled and Lunette held my hand and Sweetie took my other one with her hooves.

"I love you," Rarity said softly.

I mumbled incoherently, fighting panic. Stupid fear.

"Don't be afraid," Sweetie said. "You're safe here, since Scootaloo isn't allowed to touch the trap controls any more."

Ahahaha.

I AM INSIDE A GIANT FLYING DEATH TRAP DESIGNED BY A CHILD!!!!!!

Rarity's grip tightened and I felt her body pressed against mine and now I thought about how I had thought and... and she... eeeeeeeee.

Scootaloo is piloting this. Ahahaha.

BREATHE.

Rarity licked my neck and my eyes widened and I jumped, then said, "That feels very good," tightly. I had been so... It had excited and scared me at once.

Is it going to be like this every time?

"You will get used to it, but it takes time," Lunette said.

Once again, I cannot keep my own thoughts in my own damn head.

"It's not so bad for me," Rarity said, frowning.

"You haven't just spent a week as a human and then changed back to normal. And you're not as jumpy as Marcus," Lunette said.

She let go of my hand. "Anyway, I'm sure you two will want some privacy," Lunette said. "Come on, Sweetie, let's go make sure everyone is okay."

"But..."

"You can catch up with them a little later," Lunette said, hustling her out.

Thanks, Luna.

***************

"This must be hard on you," I said to her as we sat next to each other on the bed in our cabin, holding hands.

"I miss smelling everyone," she said softly. "How can humans stand to feel so isolated?"

"You get used to it. But now I'm kind of keenly aware of it," I said, raising her hand and kissing the back of it. "Was I tasty?"

She laughed. "Yes," she said softly. "Not in an eatable way but I enjoyed it and I could tell you did."

"You made a good leader," I told her.

"Thank you, darling. I should go see Twilight later, see how she's doing." She sounded worried.

"I think Sweetie wants some of my time later, so you can see how she's doing then," I told her. "While I herd Sweetie."

"I wish we'd gotten to have a proper audience," Rarity said. She sighed. "A chance to show off my wares and my skills, lost."

"I know," I told her. I turned her and kissed her softly, embracing her.

At least this corner of my life is going well, even if the mission fell off a cliff.