A Tale of Two Returns

by Al Capony

Rating: teen
Tags: Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Romance, Sex, Tragedy, Gore, Dark, Human, Main 6
Length: 6750

Headache? Check. Miniature technicolour horses? Check. Memories? Oh... Amnesiac Human wakes up in Equestria and does his best to find a way back home. Who knows, he might even find out some stuff about himself along the way...

An amnesiac human woke up in Equestria. On his quest to return home he encountered troubles of the adventurous persuasion, involving the return of something powerful beyond imagination and evil beyond compare.

This story begins at the end.

The hero got what he wanted in the beginning. He overcame hardships and challenges, he got the girl, he's slain the big bad. He gets to go home...

But he doesn't want that any more.

[Rated teen for vaguely mature themes, sex for implicit circumstances and explicit humour, and gore for depictions of violence. No clop or entrails in this piece, though those two together gives me ideas for a side story... :pinkiecrazy:]

Published 2015-12-18 22:30:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-18 22:30:02 UTC

(?) The End

“It’s time to go now.”

I look up to the old man, his words echoing in my head. An aged look adorns his face, furrowed brows contrast his soft blue eyes, eyes that look as if they have seen far, far too much. A long, silver beard trails from his chin, seemingly uncared for yet immaculately groomed. Coincidentally the exact colour of the small tussle of fibres sprouting from beneath his hat, an old thing with a wide brim and a pointy tip, covered in stars. The navy blue tone matches his eyes to a tee, and the silver stars to that of his hair. The hat is just as battered as he is, with ragged patching at irregular intervals across the surface.

Just like the old man’s heart… I wonder to myself.

His cloak is in a similar state, barely held together with patchwork, close to falling to pieces and withering away from his tall, skinny frame. While it has a sort of wanderer’s charm to it, it is far from fashionable and obviously faded.

I tilt my head and look around, surrounded by a formless void. At first glance I float in an eternal sea of the deepest blue, though on closer inspection I can make out tiny stars, dotted and pulsing from every direction - more like an eternal sky.

Concentrating on a star its shape becomes more apparent: a six-pointed star, with elongated peaks on its vertical axis. To its right are three deflated balloons, next to three butterflies which in turn is across from a stylistic form of the sun, reminiscent of the sorts of designs on old sun dials.

Checking each star I can see, they all have a different shapes - a trio of apples, a crescent moon, a lightning bolt with a tricoloured trail…

They’re all cutie marks!

“You can’t stay here forever you know. Neither of our worlds would allow that.”

“I know… I just don’t want to forget, you know? These memories… the time I’ve spent here - I don’t want to lose that!”

The old man’s eyes grew softer still, his sublime and calm demeanor sympathetic.

For a while I ‘sit’ in silence - my legs are crossed, but lacking in gravity or a surface to sit on, I can’t really call it sitting. Time passes without any indication, if at all; technically, time doesn’t really exist here so I could stay here forever if I wanted. But I don’t want that, an eternal torture yearning for something I can’t have, and the old fellow knows it.

“You won’t fully forget you know… We’ll still come to you in dreams and wonderings. The familiarity of a memory, though you won’t really perceive it that way.”

My gaze shifts its focus to him and his eyes, the sorrow and pain within all too apparent, but not nearly as much as the incredible age.

"How many times have you told me that?"

“Enough to wish I would never have to say it again,” he responds, and after a pause continues, “you can look back on it all once again if you’d like. It may help you keep a hold of the time here more strongly… and give you a chance to move on.”

I close my eyes and straighten my legs, my trousers rustling amongst the deafening silence of the cutie marks pulsing in the sky. I plant one foot in front of the other, then the other, and before I know it I being to pace. No gravity, no solid ground, yet still I can pace.

Some things must just be universal constants, I mentally chuckle to myself.

Pausing my steps I look out to the ‘sky’, focusing on a wand with the tip of a crescent moon, and beside it a star. I reach out, longing to touch it… to no avail.

“I think I’d like that,” I reply after a time. “So what do I do?”

“Nothing, just get comfortable. This may be a bit disconcerting… you won’t be remembering per se, it will be more akin to looking back at it all from my perspective”

I ‘lay’ down, getting as ‘comfortable’ as I can expect to in a place like this.

Stroking his silver beard, he contemplates for a second before responding, “It may clear up a couple of questions that to you are still unanswered.”

Confused for a second, I consider what he said.

“Like how Twilight knew about Spike and-”

“Ssssshhhh! Spoilers!”

Pinkie’s voice echoes throughout the void, startling the two of us. For once, the old man looks to me for answers, utterly confused. Putting a hand on his shoulder and looking at him straight in the eyes, I explain everything to him with two simple words.

“Pinkie Pie.”

Not quite understanding, he raises an eyebrow and carries on.

“Um, yes, of course. Well anyhow, I suppose we should be cracking on. Now, hold still for a second.”

I lounge for a time, unmoving. A stone sentinel, a paragon of zen, a master of stillness... a man with a terrible itch grows on his nose. Fighting to ignore it, I brave onwards in the face of this herculean challenge.

Must… Fight… The urge…

Losing the last of my will to resist, I give in and scratch my nose heartily, enjoying the sweet respite from the torture- before being blindsided with a sudden smack to the skull.

“I said still!” he chastises me.

Rubbing the back of my head I reply,

“Okay, okay - still.”

He looks at me with a degree of suspicion, concludes I am sufficiently still, and closes his eyes in concentration.

I count the time passed in heartbeats as I remain still as humanly possible, fighting boredom with all the strength of my will. It’s been an eternity, how can I possibly endure this!?

Eight-and… Nine-and… Ten-and…

I absent-mindedly begin to tap a finger against my thigh to the beat of my heart, staving off the banal silence as best I can.

“Do you want me to turn you into a newt?”

The question catches me off guard and I look to his scowling, irritated, yet peacefully concentrated face.

“Can you do that?” I ask, curious as to what life as a newt would be like.

He looks me dead in the eye.

“Do you want to find out?”

Considering the threat for a second and concluding that a reptilian lifestyle probably isn’t for me, I halt my tapping and return to a state of synthetic tranquillity, relaxing myself for the ongoing act of doing utterly nothing.

Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long before an all-surrounding light begins to engulf me, and I see the world from the eyes of a god.

Author's Note

Well here it is - I haven't written in a while, so I might be a little rusty!

I hope you enjoyed the end to this story - now lets start at the very beginning, a very good place to start...

(1) The Beginning

Princes Luna was bored. Very. Very. Bored.

The sound of incessant nattering echoed throughout the royal hall, noble mouths opening and closing in pantomime to the sounds coming out, though Luna didn't really register the two as being connected.

She was too busy inspecting the stained glass windows, after all.

A lull in the ambient noise drew her attention back to her surroundings. Either side of the great double doors across from her were two guards, both pegasi, stoic and vigilant as ever. The marble floor was well polished, spotless one might contend, as were the walls and the high ceiling.

What am I missing…? The Lunar Alicorn asked herself.

Her eyes darted around for a second or so, coming to rest on the stallion before her. He waited impatiently for her response, an expectant look on his face. Having ignored the discourse thus far she was at a loss for what to say.

“Uh, yes, of course, a very important issue - we will have it tended to immediately. You may leave us now,” she declared, grasping at straws.

Thankfully the stallion seemed to be satisfied with this, bowed slightly, and turned to leave. The guards opened the door to let him pass with a mechanical precision, as they had done so hundreds of times already this week.

Once the doors were closed behind him, Luna reverted to her standard routine.

“Who was that stallion and what did he want?” she asked - something that might have surprised the guards the first couple of times, though being the fifth time today she had asked this they weren't caught unawares.

“The was Prince Blueblood, your Majesty, requesting for an extension to be made to the palace to accommodate his new designs for a bath house”

Luna brought a hoof to her face and let out an exasperated sigh.

Damn these nobles and their constant whining. Dear Sister I understand the need for your diplomatic missions but couldn’t you at least close the day court instead of having me run it? I can feel my brain cells dying as they commit mass suicide every time one of these fools opens their mouth.

Regaining her wits and stretching her legs, she hopped down from her throne and started to pace.

“Guards, announce a half hour respite - your princess needs more coffee.”

The pegasi at the door nodded and went about their duties, as did Luna hers. In this case, that consisted of teleporting to the dining room and requisitioning the strongest supply of caffeine available from the royal kitchens.

Ponies like to forget I am the princess of the night… there is a reason I’m only seen during the day a couple of times a month.

Unluckily for Luna, due to the prolonged absence of her elder sister and the ‘potential for a revolt amongst the upper classes if their complaints aren’t given a forum for address’, she was left to hold down the fort, as it were.

Downing cups of coffee like shots of vodka (for she was notorious for her capacity to drink, and not her hangovers), Luna began to feel vaguely awake in spite of having had her sleep cycle royally screwed over. Returning to her post in the day court, she planted her flank on the throne at one end of the room. The comfort of her seat could be construed as counter-productive, distracting from the issues at hoof. However, Celestia learned quickly during her reign that without such niceties her patience and motherly demeanour were far less enduring.

Once made to fit the exact measurements of the solar princess, crafted by the finest artisans with pillows sewn from the finest silk, it was truly the finest seat. However, the measurements of Celestia’s (fine) flank had gradually changed over time - much to her chagrin and Luna’s teasing - though by divine coincidence it was still perfect for the younger sister.

Having enthralled herself in luxury, she called for the next pony to come in. Then the next.

Then the next.

Princess Luna was bored. Very. Very. Bored.

Oh please would something - anything - happen that would make this day less intolerable!?

A loud crash brought her back to her senses. A fine marble dust filled the room, sparkling in rays of sun that hadn't been present a few moments before, emanating from an oddly shaped hole in the ceiling. A Discord shaped hole in the ceiling.

“Oh you-hoo Luna, how are you doing today. See, I heard that dear old Celly wasn't around at the moment so I thought I’d drop in.”

Luna’s eye twitched.

“We can quite see that, thank you.” Her terse reply betrayed her otherwise unflinching demeanour. From the outside Luna was calm, collected and controlledly assessing the situation. On the inside, she was positively fuming.

Scanning from left to right she could see the draconequus hovering before her, next to a pile of rubble which was conveniently tidying itself away and reassembling itself in the likeness of her older sister. The guards by the door were tense, poised to strike out at the intruder at a moment's notice. Of course they both knew it was, in all likelihood, utterly pointless and would probably end with some dastardly retaliation. Something along the lines of being bound by their own tails and drenched in treacle. Or turned into newts - after all, you could never know with Discord.

Lighting her horn, Luna grasped him with her magic and proceeded to send him out the way he came: through the roof - despite his protests.

“Oh come now, I just thought you could use a little company - be it me or Ol’ Sunbutt over there. you know I’m always here for a talk when you’re feeling blu-”

“BE QUIET DISCORD!” Luna yelled, her royal canterlot voice echoing throughout the hall. “You barge into my court, you vandalise my halls and you dare patronise me as if I’m some foal? How dare you! We will not tolera-”

Luna was promptly cut off by a zipper forming over her lips, though this only served to incense her further. Jerking her head to the side she sent Discord flying across the room, colliding with the wall with a resounding crash. Rubble fell from the point of impact; this time morphing itself into a miniature draconequus.

“That wasn’t very polite,” the mini-Discord chided in a higher, more whiny pitch than the fleshy counterpart. “Now if you’d let me get to the point of why I actually came here-”

A flaring of Luna’s horn was the only warning before the statuette exploded, showering debris all over the guards. They stood paralysed at the skirmish before them, unable to intervene; as much as they wanted to, they were powerless. And beyond their pay grade.

“Oh go on, bite the claw that feeds you why don’t you. Is this how you treat all your guests who come with advice in hand, let alone perfect little stone sculptures? ” -Discord glanced over to where his counterpart had stood- "Rest in pieces, little buddy."

This did nothing to temper Luna’s rage, spewing muffled profanities behind her sealed muzzle.

“Oh this is getting boring - insult my mother and sister as much as you want Luna,” Discord muttered, dislodging himself from the wall. “I’m not going until you’ve listened to what I’ve had to say.”

Luna paused for a second, confused.

He sounds different from normal… serious even?

Discord took the lull in insults to interrupt her thoughts. “If I unzip you, do you promise not to interrupt until I’m done? Or we could keep going with this little charade, but that song and dance won’t get me out of your mane as quickly, I assure you.”

She cocked a quizzical eyebrow at him, considered the proposition for a moment, and gave a slow -almost imperceptible- nod.

With a snap of his fingers the zipper released. Luna took the opportunity to exhale a deep breath and signaled for the draconequus to continue.

“Something big is going to happen soon,” Discord began, taking on an uncharacteristic air of gravitas. “Don’t ask me how I know, I just do - it’s a sort of sense I have for chaos in the making, you could say. Normally I might get a little tingle out of some shenanigans with those fillies in Ponyville. If something a little more serious is coming, I might get an itch - but this? Right now it burns. Nothing - and I mean nothing - I have ever felt before has even come close. Soon, the world is going to be turned upside down. Hay, it might even be crazier than that.”

Luna deadpanned.

“So what you are telling us is, you crashed in here and caused all of this-” Luna gestured with a hoof to the damage about the room “-to tell us you have a feeling that ‘something big’ is going to happen?”

With a snap of his claws, Discord fixed up and cleaned away the rubble. The wall was instantly fixed and the marble dust in the air diminished, but he left the skylight as was - he just couldn’t remove it in good taste.

Luna allowed a momentary smirk of satisfaction at the improved state of the royal hall, though gave a short glare at the hole in the ceiling before continuing.

“Besides, why would you come to warn us about something chaotic? Surely you wouldn’t pass up a chance for such carnage,” Luna stated plainly.

Pouting, Discord replied, “Oh how you wound me - I’m reformed, for good this time. And this isn’t some run-of-the-mill chocolate rain or candy-floss hurricane - I mean carnage. I was never in it to hurt anyone, you know that - just plots and giggles. What I’m talking about is serious, and a lot of ponies could end up hurt... I just don’t want Fluttershy to be one of those ponies.”

Discord looked solemn - shoulder sagged, furrowed brow - and that worried Luna.

Maybe I should be taking what he says more seriously, but then again…

“Okay, assuming that something big is coming to Equestria, what then? Do you have any idea as to when and where ‘what’ will occur? Do you know can we prepare for it? Do you know anything other than ‘something will happen’?”

Silence. Luna’s words lingered in the air, suffocating any further discourse. Discord found his feet particularly interesting while Luna simply glared. The guards didn’t dare breathe.

“I just thought you could use a warning, for whatever it’s worth,” Discord sighed. “I’ll be going now. Sorry for the mess.”

With a snap of a fingers he vanished, along with the hole in the ceiling.

In hindsight I suppose it is rather gloomy in here… perhaps we could use a new skylight of some sorts. Though definitely one in better taste.

Turning to the two pegasus guards, who were glad to be no longer trembling, she announced, “Send in the next one.”

The one on the left nodded and opened the door to allow the next noble to enter, blissfully unaware of the events that had just transpired.

Thankfully my sister invested in thick walls and heavy doors. When I said I wanted ‘anything’ to happen, a brief spat and ominous warning from Discord was not what I had in mind. Though I do wish he’d left that statue of Celestia, it was a remarkable likeness.

“Your Majesty, it has come to my attention that…”

The wittering of the noble droned out as Luna continued to contemplate, automatically nodding at what seemed like the right time before dismissing each noble in turn.

Maybe there is some substance to his fears… I’ll send word to Celestia in the morning, just to be on the safe side. A warning can do no harm after all.

~~~~~

By the time the day was over, Luna was utterly exhausted. Her muscles -and brain- ached with fatigue, her body and psyche drained from having to deal with incessant, petty complaints. Not tomorrow though, thankfully - no court during the weekends, thank Celestia.

If it weren't for the weekend respite from such duties, my sister may have become a merciless tyrant out for noble blood.

Luna chuckled at this, cantering over to her balcony to begin her nightly ritual, the raising of the moon. Her horn radiated a glow the colour of a starless night sky and the moon rose into being effortlessly. Were she not the Princess of the Night, such an effort would have been impossible; thanks to her title and special talent, she needn't barely expend a drop of mana.

She inhaled the cool night’s air, holding it in her lungs, savouring it for a few seconds before letting it back out - a long, drawn out sigh with which she felt her troubles ebb away. Craning her head upwards she took in the darkened night sky - her sky. The radiance of the crescent moon, hanging high above the horizon; each star twinkling with it’s own beauty, but not compared to whole swathes of sky dedicated to each constellation.

Again lighting her horn, Luna summoned a number of falling stars in the sky, a spectacle befitting a Princess, though truly intended for the fillies and colts of the land.

Sleep well, little one’s. I cannot stave off your nightmares tonight, but at least I might grant your wishes.

With a yawn she made for bed - a full and round mattress in the centre of the room, past the telescopes and tomes that are her nightly companions, beneath a swirling spiral galaxy. Tucking herself into the covers, Luna could feel her tiredness beginning to take her when she became aware of a distinct crackling noise; as if a miniature storm were brewing in her room.

Sitting up and surveying her chambers, she saw her first thought hadn’t been far from the truth. A glowing orb hovered in the centre of the room, giving off a piercing white light, lighting arcing to anything within it’s reach. Luna was too dumbfounded to react, merely observe as it grew in intensity; and grew and grew.

Before she could consider the potential risk it posed, it reached a point where the crackling had become a throbbing hum, and the orb was starting to warp and bend the space around it.

CRACK!

In an instant it had gone - utterly vanished, leaving no trace bar a strange… thing on the floor.

Luna scrambled out of bed in a haze, ears still ringing from the anomaly. She gave the room a once over, checking for damage - there was none - before examining whatever had been deposited on her floor. At a first glance it seemed like a badly injured or disfigured minotaur, though on closer inspection this was implausible - even injured minotaurs should have evidence of horns, though this thing bore none.

Circling the creature for a better view, she began to note it’s characteristics - seemingly masculine, judging from the waist and jawline - angular and covered in stubble; hairless, bar the face and an auburn mane; a strange nose - pointy - and even stranger legs, bending the wrong way. Most notably, the thing was covered in clothes. Sniffing his jacket, Luna’s muzzle bunched up in revolt.

Leather? Real leather? How barbaric! Maybe a minotaur after all…

It wasn’t until her ears started to function again that she noticed what she thought to be the strangest thing of all.

“It’s… snoring?”

Author's Note

And so begins the story. As I said before, I'm a bit rusty and I'm sure there are typsos and errors syntax somewhere, so if you could point them out to me so I can fix them it would be greatly appreciated!

(2) It's time to wake up

Luna sat on her haunches, considering what to do as sleep continued to tug at the edge of her consciousness. As much as she wanted to be more alert the best she could manage was a sense of avid curiosity, being much too exhausted after her week of parlaying with nobles and the like.

The wind howled softly as its currents ebbed and flowed between the towers of Canterlot, blowing the curtains by Luna’s balcony. Up and down they ruffled intermittently, muffling the sound of the nightlife below.

Could this thing be related to the disaster Discord spoke of?

Luna pondered on this thought, observing the steady rising and falling of the creature's chest as she stifled a yawn. It wasn’t particularly late, though the day’s events had left her more fatigued than usual.

Rising to her she started pacing about the room, treading back and forth on the soft carpet. Many centuries ago, before her banishment - when she still lived in the old castle - Celestia had gifted her an enchanted rug specifically to prevent her from boring grooves in the stone floor from her pacing habits; the repair bills otherwise were enormous. Luna chuckled at the memory before turning her attention back to the issue at hand.

I can’t leave it here while I sleep, yet nor can I stay awake much longer.

Drawing upon her many years of experience, she decided upon the wisest course of action: poking it with a long stick. Looking around for something adequate for her needs, she soon found said something in the form of a leg from an unused telescope stand. Detaching it from the rest of the stand, she carefully levitated it towards her target before prodding it in the abdomen.

Nothing.

She repeated the action, this time a little harder, eliciting a small response - the thing brought its arm round and scratched where it had been poked.

Perhaps it is hibernating for the winter and will need something more to wake it?

She intensified the jabbing, relentlessly harassing the creature until it began to stir.

“Piss off… I’m trying to sleep,” it mumbled, rolling onto it’s front and resting its head on one of its forearms.

Luna frowned at this - on the one hoof, it seemed to speak her language, which was good; on the other, its first words were expletives. Aimed at a Princess no less! Luna was having none of this - she grasped it in a telekinetic field and shoved it across the room. That got its attention.

“Gah!” it exclaimed, bolting upright. Stretching its back, it yawned with abandon, revealing a set of pointy canines. “Whaddya want?” it grumbled, not amused with being woken at all.

“Good evening,” Luna began, “I am-”

“Evening?” the creature remarked, rubbing its eyes. Having removed the last traces of sleep, it looked up and continued, “Jesus, I slept. Last thing I knew it was the middle of the-” the creature locked eyes with the… thing to his right “-day.”

He cocked a quizzical eyebrow at the thing before him. The thing responded with one of its own, mirroring his expression.

“A unicorn with wings? Or a pegasus with a horn? Huh… Must still be dreaming,” the creature murmured, and promptly lay back on the soft carpet, soon to awake.

“Dream? This is no dream,” the thing replied. “And for your information, I am an alicorn. Have you not heard of my kind before?” it asked with a curious, yet somehow regal, tone.

“Holy shit it speaks!” he responded, eyebrows at the edge of his hairline. Startled, he got to his feet, staring at the navy alicorn. “What the fuck did I eat earlier to end up this lucid? That is weird…”

Suddenly distracted by his surroundings, he glanced around, marvelling at the decor his subconscious had produced.

The room was roughly circular, with stone walls painted all shades of blue, from cyan to navy, in glorious patterns of clouds and stars. The floor was covered in a dark grey - almost black - carpet, with large crimson swirls across the surface.

Light came from glowing bulbs at the end of branches; branches on trees that appeared to grow right out of the floor. On one side of room were some bookshelves beside a desk, with star maps, a sextant and a compass strewn across its surface. A number of telescopes were stacked next to the desk, along with a few stands to mount them on; one of them was missing a leg.

In the centre of the space was a truly magnificent bed: a mattress cradled in the base of crescent moon, carried on clouds, with a canopy draped from the top, and next to that hung yet another glowing bulb. Above the bed floated an impression of an ever spinning spiral galaxy, the stars and galaxies mesmerising him as he gazed at it in wonder.

Pulling his eyes away, he wondered over to the balcony, past a couple more telescopes and a large pile of recently-dusted books. Stepping out past the curtains onto the stone surface beyond, he took in a deep breath the crisp night air, leaning on the edge of the terrace.

The city of canterlot lay before him, lamps radiant with magic providing light and warmth to those on the cobbled pavements. Roof upon roof filled his field of view, a sea of tiles stretching out along the land.

“It’s beautiful… but now it’s time to wake up,” the creature mused, before leaning further forward on the ledge, then over it completely.

The alicorn gasped as he fell from her view, darting over to the balcony to see the him hurtling towards the ground. Wind rushed past him, howling in his ears as he embraced the familiar rising feeling in the pit of his stomach, pure weightlessness.

Luna, meanwhile, concentrated on trying to slow his descent before snatching him with her magic, trying to avoid killing him by halting his plunge too quickly.

With a delayed jerk he found himself suspended in the air, about halfway high to the tower he’d come down from. He had a moment to question the state of affairs before he was suddenly dragged upwards through the air, back to the balcony, and deposited at the hooves of a rather disturbed Luna. If he’d looked up at that point he would’ve been face to face with a scowling navy alicorn.

Did it just attempt suicide!? For whatever purpose!?

“Huh,” it wondered aloud, “that’s never happened before. This is one trippy dream…”

Luna scuffed a hoof to get its attention. “This is no dream, creature! Why did you-”

She was cut off with a finger to the muzzle, “Shush, horses don’t talk; it’s doing my head in.”

“W-w-what?” Luna spluttered in shock and indignant rage, but before she could say anything further it had already brushed past her, back into her bedchambers.

Striding confidently to one side of the room, it picked up a compass from the desk beside the bookshelves, its sharp point glittering in the moonlight. “If this is no dream, then I might actually feel something from this,” the creature contemplated aloud in a mocking tone.

Luna caught on to what it intended to do, but before she could interject the compass was already coming down. She stared, wide eyed, as it sunk into the flesh of its left forearm without a sound.

There was a momentary silence as the creatures eyes dilated, adrenaline flooding through its body and brain in response to the sensory explosion in its nerves.

“YEEEEEOOOUCH!” it screamed, clutching the wound on its arm, pulling it to its chest. At some point the compass had fallen to the ground, the point stained red. Blood dripped onto the carpet, carmine blending with crimson. It sucked in through clenched teeth and exhaled a slow, shuddering breath.

Luna tentatively stepped forward, shocked and confused by the actions of the creature before her. “Are you alright?” she asked, a look of concern on her face where a few seconds ago there had been anger.

It jumps to what would have been its death, calls its saviour a whorse then stabs itself in the arm? And is surprised when it hurts? Whatever it is, it must be insane…

“No I’m not fucking alright! That fucking hurt!” the creature yelled in response.

…

His eyes flew wide as realisation dawned on his face, staring in horror at his bleeding arm. The pain faded. The sound of rushing blood filled his ears. His heart rate skyrocketed.

If I’m feeling pain- he locked eyes with the… thing… before him -then this really is no dream.

Sensation left him and his body felt numb, blackness filling his vision as he slumped to the floor. The last thing he heard before he lost consciousness were the confused words of the thing standing above him.

“I do hope this blood will wash out of the carpet…”

~~~~~

“Oh, you’re awake.” The voice was sweet, though unfamiliar. The human struggled to open his eyes as a bright light shone on his face from above. “How are you feeling?” the voice asked cheerily, accompanied by a sharp burning in his arm.

“Like shit,” he responded offhandedly. He remained in a daze for a few seconds as the memories from before he blacked out assaulted him. He didn’t have the energy to freak out - after his little escapade with a pointy thing, he was far too exhausted.

“What the fuck is happening with my life?” he mused aloud to nobody in particular.

“Well, I’m afraid I can’t answer that question. Would you mind if I asked a few though?”

“What the hell, why not. Go for it,” he groaned, followed by a sigh.

“Well for starters, could you open your eyes please?”

He obliged her, assuming she was a she from the sound of her voice. His eyelids parted to come face to face with the source of the unpleasant brightness: a torch, glowing in a lilac hue, suspended in the air before him. He was somewhat taken aback by the whole levitating part, but it wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d seen that night.

“Good, now please could you just follow the light with your eyes please?”

She’s awfully polite for a torch, most of the ones I ever used just refused to turn on.

The torch hovered left then right and back again, followed closely by the human.

“Well, it doesn’t seem you’ve suffered from concussion or brain damage...”

Coulda fooled me.

“...Though I can’t be entirely sure, seeing as how I’m in the dark about how you work,” the voice added sheepishly.

“Hehe, ‘in the dark’ - I see what you did there.”

No you didn’t, it’s so bright you can’t see shit

There was silence for a few seconds, bar the sound of soft snoring a few meters away.

“Um, see what I did where? Sorry, I don’t really understand…” said the voice, sounding rather confused.

“In the dark? Because you’re a torch?” he elaborated.

He heard a chuckle coming from his left - a sweet, twittering sound.

“I’m not a torch silly! Look over here.”

Turning his head to his left he found himself face to face with a purple unicorn mare, her lilac mane tied up in a bun behind her.

Oh… another one.

“Hello, my name is Nurse Fairheart. And who are you?”

Emptiness... Silence... Void.

Who am I?

“I… I don’t know.” he replied, confused. Gears stuttered in his head, his thoughts a blur.

I know things - I know physics, chemistry, philosophy, maths and all kinds of things… I know I’m not from here and I know that this isn’t normal. But I don’t know what normal is... I know nothing of me… Who am I? Where am I from? Who are my friends, my family. Do I even have any friends, or family? Who…. WHO THE HELL AM I!?

Panic began to overtake him, his breaths becoming faster and shallower, the thumping of his heart drowning out any ambient noise around him. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. Thump-thump. With the weak breathing and pounding in his chest he started to feel lightheaded.

“Are you feeling okay? You don’t look too well,” commented the unicorn mare, her voice laced with concern. The nameless man panted, eyes like pinpricks, cheeks like snow.

“I-I’ve got to get out of here,” he replied, his voice trembling. He struggled to raise himself from the bed, finding himself bound in place by an invisible force pinning him down.

“Do not be afraid, we mean you no harm. We simply wish to know more of your circumstance.”

The voice was regal and familiar, a parlance of a time long passed. He looked over to the source of the -supposedly- reassuring words, finding the same navy pegacorn from the night before. She was slumped in a bean bag in the corner of the room, a tired look on her features. A single guard stood by her, expressionless bar the unblinking eyes directed at the bedridden human.

Silence loomed for a few seconds, the amnesiac in the bed taking in everything about him.

“I don’t know anything,” he replied.

“About how you came to be here?”

“About anything to do with me being here. I don’t remember anything about myself, or where I’m from, except it isn’t here and that something is very, very wrong.”

After a few seconds the invisible force relented and the human sat up, quickly swinging his legs across the bed. As he got up the guard stomped his right forehoof, lowering his body and flaring his wings in a low, well trained stance.

“At ease, Lieutenant, we are sure our guest means us no harm. Even if he did, we are quite sure we are capable of defending thyself, dost you not agree?”

The guard in question said nothing though was clearly unsettled as he stood at ease. He wasn’t at ease at all. His glare to the seated human conveyed a very clear message - “try anything and you won’t get a chance to regret it.”

“Do you have a name?”

“What part of anything do you not understand when I say I don’t know anything about myself?” he spat, his face momentarily close to a sneer.

Luna was taken aback by the malice in his voice though she didn’t struggle to maintain her composure, her poker face unstirred. It may not have quite compared to Celestia’s, though her elder sister did have an extra millennia of experience when it came to dealing with politicians and petty nobles - running a diarchy alone will develop that in a mare.

“Would you appreciate a midnight stroll through the gardens? We are quite partial to them as are quite refreshing. Perfect for clearing one’s head of their troubles.”

At this, the guard began to object but was quickly quieted by his mistress. Inside him a conflict raged, the battle between the duties of his obedience to the crown (and the chain of command, as Luna was technically commander-in-chief of the equestrian military) and the duties of his principle as a guardspony.

Without a doubt, his job was needless while she was awake as she far eclipsed him in martial prowess, but his position was one of principle.

He was about to raise the issue again, when Luna interjected. “Lieutenant,” she began, “it is not necessary for you to concern yourself in this matter; as we stated before we are capable of defending ourselves. Though we are sure Nurse Fairheart is in need of a detail in case any more strangers are to appear, hence you are to remain by her side until further notice. Understood?”

The lieutenant snapped a crisp wing salute at her words, his mind relegating itself to the chain of command. Internal conflict resolved. Orders over principles.

The human looked on at the surreal display with a detached sense of fascination. His gaze wandered across the guard, not taking much note of his ebony coat, golden eyes or leathery, navy wings. No, he focused his attention on the messy scar across the guard’s neck, the hairless linear blotch amidst fine black hairs - the skin was mottled crimson, a line of mess on an otherwise perfect subject.

It looked like it had hurt. A lot.

Taking note of the human's gaze, Luna explained. “The lieutenant had his throat ripped out by a manticore while out on reconnaissance a few weeks ago. We could stem the bleeding and close the wound, though regenerating the larynx would require a week of bedrest, and a certain proud officer refuses to visit the infirmary for his treatment.”

At this the lieutenant gave a dismissive snort and rolled his eyes. This was not lost on Luna, though she wasn’t going to press the issue further - she would afford him his pride and his principles, for now.

The human was lost to wondering. “Manticores…” he whispered under his breath. He was in way over his head. No name, no past, no knowledge of where he was or why he was there. He was brought out of his trance by the sound of an impatient pegacorn.

“Will you not take me up on my offer of a midnight stroll?”

The human looked at the navy mare, then at the guard, then at the nurse, and then at the plain, tiled ground before him.

“Ah why not,” he grumbled, getting to his feet. “S’not like a stroll’s gonna make it all worse.”

Right?

Luna smiled softly.

“Follow us.”