A Black-Rose among Daisies

by Godzilladragon

Rating: mature
Tags: Alternate Universe, Dark, Comedy, Romance, Random, Slice of Life
Length: 3635

A narcissistic dragon finds her self in a world she never wanted to be in. Where is that? A little girls cartoon show. At least judging by these idiot names!

Primas Lucifer Primrose has lead a long life. She's personally seen entire galaxies burn. She was there for D-day, during the second world war. She's worshiped as a god by a species of anthropomorphic spider women. She has fought the god of darkness turned wannabe hero, and died. Twice.

Yet she keeps on kicking. She was forced to swap genders, so many times she can't remember her original gender. She faced down the oldest being in the known universe for 3 whole weeks before blinking.

She built a business empire on Earth, and across the stars, and made billions. She tried to kill the god of darkness's boyfriend, and almost got away with it. She has eaten a star before. Why? Because She Damned felt like it.

But never, ever has she seen something so horrible as this…. Torn away from her old life in a blaze of light, and left…. here. A land of talking…Technicolor….ponies. All of them an offensive pastel. And worst of all the big white one, Celestia, wants her to learn the magic of… friendship. She cries every-time she hears that. Will our unlucky villain hero be reformed by these pesky ponies? Or will she stay true to herself and kill them all in horrible, horrible ways?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-10 22:32:02 UTC

The beginning of the madness (Chapter 1) (EDIT)

The beginning of the madness (Chapter 1) (EDIT)

Primas, glorious as she may be, was not perfect. She was not omniscient, nor she was not all-mighty.

No, she was an aging dragon with more addictions to drugs that could kill a man than one could count, sarcastic, impatient, and one horny mother fucker, who had a bad habit of screwing herself with her big, fat ego.

So, when she had arrived in Equestria via magic bull-shit, she'd taken one look at the ponies and said, "I can totally take over these morons" and tried to do so.

It had worked. Sorta.

So first, it turns out these idiots had stopped bickering like children and formed a country. First problem. Next, it turns out friendship is an actual power source in this world. And unlike every other world, love was actually STRONGER than hate!

Primas being the idiot she was, took over anyways.

How you ask? Quite simply, actually.

Well, after the tribes had gotten together, they'd set up a capital city, and a rudimentry council of sorts. Primas simply walked into town, killed the council, and declared herself queen of the world.

As you'd imagine, the ponies fought back.

And as you'd guess, they all died horribly in the face of dragon-fyre.

And as you've probably already figured out, seeing as this happened nearly two-thousand years ago, it didn't last.

Primas tried ever so hard to hold on to the meager kingdom she'd stolen- Eh, built- but one day, a grand wizard was born. In a cave far from the capital, born to two earth-pony parents, Star-Swirl the Bearded first saw the light of day.

And as the young wizard grew, he began to realize something.

Primas wasn't actually a bad ruler.

Sure, there was the occasional public execution, or whipping session, or war with a neighboring nation, but there were also grand things.

Primas had brought technology from her home-world that was speeding up pony society by decades in a period of months! New spells appeared every day, and the borders were stretching further and further from her conquests! Even the Griffins feared Equestria's armies of steel and steam. Populations boomed in the new land, the monsters that once killed and hunted the ponies, Dragons, Changelings, and the terrible Diamond Dogs, were now blown away by newly invented cannons, and rifles. Equestria had gone from laughing stock of the world to a super-power unrivaled by any other nation before, or since.

But the ponies feared Primas, and her violent methods. She was not afraid to assassinate opposing political leaders, or imprison protesters. She ruled upon a throne of gold, mined with the bones of the damned. There was a council, who ruled over the affairs of the people, but there power paled in comparison to the Queens. It was made up of the guilds chosen representatives.

The mages guild controlled magic, and education throughout the kingdom, controlled by Grand Vizier Star-Swirl the bearded.

The Traders guild, made up of the rich and the respected, controlled by no-one but themselves.

The Assassins Guild, whom were controlled by Poison Chalice, that did the dirty work for their Queen.

The Peasants guild, lead by Hard-Work, and meant to make sure the poor and despondent were represented fairly.

Star-Swirl had managed to procure his title of Vizier through his magical talent, and luck. Lots of luck.

This had made him a respected individual, and trusted even by the Queen.

But, like all kingdoms or empires, it ended.

The guilds, tiring of Primas's rule, plotted her doom.

And thus began the fall.

They tried poisons.  She was immune.

They tried blades, hidden 'round corners. She simply shrugged them off, and left her assassins in pieces.

Hell, they tried explosives! She just sat, drinking tea, even as the palace burned to ashes around her.

And so, in their desperation they turned to Star-Swirl.

At first the stallion refused to have a part in any such vile schemes, but after they threatened his wife, heavy with foal, he submitted.

And so he laid a trap, using the research the Queen herself had asked for.

Around the palace a massive array was built, that channeled the natural magic of the world into one point.

Star-Swirl.

And one day during court, Star-Swirl strolled into court blazing with a ridiculous amount of magic.

                                           ****************************************************************

"Star-Swirl! What is the meaning of this?" The irate Queen called out, looking up from the proposal one of the nobles had brought her.

"My apologies, my Queen. But today is the day."

Primas snorted, and rolled her eyes.

"The day for what, exactly? A revolution?"

"Actually, yes."

Primas's claws bit into the side of her throne, and she glared.

"Star-Swirl, do not jest with me. I am in no mood-"

"I jest not. I apologize sincerely, old friend, but it's you or my foals."

"I see," Primas turned her head towards the ceiling and sighed. "Guards? Shoot him."

She heard the cocking of guns, and the click of musket shot being loaded, but no resounding 'BANG!"

She opened her eyes, only to see an entire army of guns aimed towards her.

"Even you, Captain Steel?"

The guard in question nodded.

"Apologies Ma'am,  but I side with my species over my Queen."

Primas held her head in her talons.

"And how is it you plan to kill me this time, my little ponies?"

Star-Swirl coughed, attracting her attention to him.

"Actually, we won't."

Everyone in the room, except for him and the Queen, held a look of shock.

"What? Then what the Hades are-"

"Shush. Seeing as you're nigh on un-killable, Prim-"

"Oh, and now he drops the titles."

"I'm going to imprison you. Forever."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

Primas gave a long sigh, and closed her eyes.

"Well go on then. I haven't got all day."

Everyone watched the exchange with a look of shock, and awe, as if sensing what was about to happen would change history forever.

A great glow surrounded Star-Swirl, and the roar of eldritch magic filled the room as an un-holy spell was cast. The lights went out, and the sun itself seemed to grow black. Every unicorn on the planet paused, sensing a disturbance in the force.

A book hovered in front of the wizard, it's pages glowing as red runes carved themselves onto the pages, his eyes white from the sheer magic he was channeling.

The ponies in the room began to back away slowly as a red beam of electricity began to arch towards the Queen, even as she sat waiting, as if this was all some minor disturbance in her day that would end soon enough.

But then, all hell broke lose. The beam touched the Queen, and she screamed. The room exploded in a flash of white, and all was quit.

******************

Soon enough, the ponies awoke to find Star-Swirl glaring  down at a book.

It was a simple thing, with black bindings, rather unassuming. The importance lye on the front cover.

A red, stylized dragon, chasing it's own tail in a circle.

"We speak of this no more." Was all he said, as he walked away, a haunted look in his eyes. For he could tell no one of the horrible price he had paid. Or rather, would pay. He could only pray his two future daughters would forgive him.

                                        ************************************************************************

And so, the book was given to Star-Swirl. He guarded it with all his might for nearly 150 years, until he passed it onto his students, and daughters, though they knew it not, Celestia and Luna.

And the two of them guarded it, not even knowing what it was, until the Nightmare incident where it was left in the ruins of the Everfree castle.

Waiting.

Waiting for the day She'd be free from the accursed prison.

When she could reclaim what was hers.

When she could have her revenge.

When she could drink every ounce of alcohol she could find.

Awakenings, and awkward meetings (rewritten)

Twilight, though she didn't know it, was damned the second she stepped hoof into the old castles library.

After her and her friends had attempted to repair the castle, she'd noticed something.

The library.

Not just any library. But a thousand year old library filled with untold riches in knowledge! Things lost to the sands of time, that she would re-discover! She'd meant to explore it far sooner, but had been delayed by many, many things. Including becoming a princess of all things!

But now, nothing would stop her. She had absolutely nothing to do, and intended to make the most of today. She planned on trying to read every book she physically could without exploding.

But, the second she stepped into the library, she shivered.

Unlike most ponies, Alicorns are finely tuned to nature and can sense something that does NOT belong. And Twilight's Alicorn senses were screaming.

And so, following her natural curiosity, she slowly crept through the library, searching for the strange presence.

And by hell, did she find it.

In a clearing between shelves sat a pedestal, of obsidian. And upon it sat a even darker book, that seemed to absorb the feeble magi-light around it.

As Twilight's hoof touched down in the space, every torch on the wall sprang to life with a purple flame.

'Well, that's a bit odd,' was all Twilight thought, her focus strictly on the strange book. As she approached, she noticed something.

Behind it sat a massive stone dragon, it's face twisted into a savage grin. Two great wings sprouted out from it's back, coming towards her as if to shroud the book.

Gently, she grasped the book in her magic and pulled it towards her, her head tilting to the side at it's odd appearance.

It was bound in black leather, with a dragon chasing it's own tail upon the cover. The ink used to sketch it glowed a neon red, assuring no one would fail to recognize it.

Her curiosity winning the fight over the niggling worry in the back of her mind, she opened the book.

"He whom may find this book, Faust have mercy upon yer soul. Within these pages lye the evil that keep foals awake at night, and parents at war. She whom built an empire, the demon betrayed by her own servants," Twilight read aloud, a feeling of dread settling in her stomach.  And before she could stop herself, she read the next paragraph aloud.

"Fool who seeks to release the evil, read these words aloud: Queen of Equestria, Demon Dragon of the Void, The Betrayed, I release you from these binds, so you may once more roam," Twilight found herself unable to stop, the words sliding of her tongue, even as she tried so hard to stop.

As the words hung heavy on the air, the book began to glow and the lights to be snuffed out.

"No no no no no no.... I didn't mean to say that! Please! I'm sorry!" Twilight gasped out to the dark, but none responded to her cry....

And then, the book, exploded.

   ************************************************************************************

Celestia, sitting upon her balcony, was enjoying a nice cup of tea when it happened.

For lack of a better word, the Everfree exploded.

A massive beam of red light flew into the sky, coming straight from the old....

"Oh... Oh no...." Was all she could manage as she realized where her student currently was.

"LUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNAAAAAA! GET THE GUARD!"

*****************************************************************************************

When Primas woke up, the first thing she noticed, was that she was most certainly not in her palace. She was currently laying in a pile of old, musty books. None of which were hers, actually.

"Well, guess," she stopped to cough for a moment, "that scratches out the palace library."

She raised her head from the pile of books and gazed around looking for someone to explain to her where she was. After a few moments of sweeping the room, she found an ideal candidate. (If her emergence hadn't killed it,)

It appeared to be a rather small Pegasus, with a lavender purple coat. Though she couldn't see it's face or cutie mark, it's rather diminutive size was rather adorable.

As she approached, she watched as it struggled to it's hooves clearly rather disoriented.

As she watched, a rather surprising feature made itself evident. A horn.

A horn.

A HORN.

This tiny little pony was an Alicorn. One of the gods. An all-powerful being said to capable of tearing the stars themselves apart.

....

....

.....

....

"OF ALL MY FUCKING LUCK!"

The Tiny god jumped back, it's now visible face twisted into one of fear.

This confused Primas to no end. Why would it be... unless, it was a 'false' Alicorn. One that had been made, and not born.

Primas, clinging to this hope, sat on her hind legs, glared down at the pony finally noticing the actual size. Counting horn, She (As she was now certain from the feminine cry of distress) came up to about her lower chest, while standing. Though Primas was sure if she stood on her rear legs she'd dwarf the pony.

"Excuse me, pony, would you kindly tell me where I am, perchance?"

"Umm... The library of the castle of the royal sisters?"

"What was that?"

"The library of the castle of the royal sisters?"

"Hmm. I have not heard of this castle. And what nation am I in, if any?"

"E-e-equestria...."

"Ah, so my nation still lives on! Who is the current ruler?" She asked, half expecting to hear Star-Swirl's name in response.

"Uh... Princess Celestia and her sister Luna share a diarachy... and I was just recently ascended to become Princess..."

"What was that last part? I apologize, my hearing isn't what it used to be."

"And I became Princess not to long ago, as well...."

Primas face turned into a beaming smile, her luck having just taken a turn for the better.

"Well, seeing as I have not heard of this 'Celestia' or 'Luna', it is a pleasure to meet you Princess...?"

"Oh! Heh, it's Twilight. Twilight Sparkle." The mare said attempting to laugh at her terrifying situation.

"Well, Princess Twilight, it is a pleasure. Allow me to introduce myself."

The dragon kneeled down, sweeping a wing down in a Draconian courtesy.

"I am Queen Primas Rose, first ruler of Equestria, slayer of the elder council, and last but not least," she gave a wink to Twilight, "Inventor. I assume you're familiar with my cannons?"

Twilight, having realized that she was either dealing with a Mad-drake, or very, very old being searched for a response.

"C-c-canons? What's a canon?"

Primas blinked in surprise, at this princesses lack of knowledge.

"How do you not-" Whatever Primas was about to say was lost to the sands of time as she was tackled to the ground by a blue blur.

"Run, friend! We shall hold this foul creature as you escape!" A suddenly appearing Luna called out, as she struggled on the library floor with the recently awakened Queen.

"FOUL CREATURE!? HOW DARE YOU, YOU TWO BIT WHORE-"

"KNAVE! HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS TO YOU'RE PRINCESS, I SHALL-" Luna was cut off by Primas's tail slamming into her face with the force of a run-away train.

"HOW DARE YOU SAY SUCH THINGS TO YOU'RE QUEEN!" She roared as Luna was sent crashing through a wall.

Twilight, realizing it was time to G.T.F.O. ran like hell out of the now collapsing castle.

As Primas stared through the hole, waiting for the reemergence of the blue Princess, she cried out when a golden beam hit her in the back of the skull, the commonly known weak spot of dragons.

"Lulu! Are you okay?!" The rapidly descending Celestia called out as she approached her sister, whom had just crawled out of her hole.

"We are fine... That drake hit like angry train..." She said, rubbing her hoof oh her sore forehead.

"Do not worry sister, it should be-"

"SHOULD BE WHAT?!" A very pissed off voice called out, as Primas pounced onto Celestia, her jaws snapping at Celestia's throat, spit and blood covering her fur.

Celestia's eyes widened in shock. Even the eldest of dragons should have been knocked unconscious from a hit of that magnitude.

Even Luna was shocked.

The dragon soon had Celestia pinned by her hooves, and had it's eyes locked with hers.

"And then, quite simply, it's eyes filled with rage, it spoke one word.

"DIE!"

And then Celestia struggled in fear as it's jaw opened and a glow began to glow in the depth of it's throat.

Luna, realizing what was happening, tackled the dragon, yet it didn't budge an inch.

Celestia realized, that very possibly, these were her last moments in the world of the living as she stared at the now blazing white glow.

Luna stared at her pinned sister even as she threw nearly every offensive spell she knew at it, it simply opened it's jaw wider, a larger and larger fire ball building.

And then, it released.

With a blazing roar, the beam of fire slammed into Celestia at a temperature of about twenty two-thousand degrees Fahrenheit.

With a scream of horror, Luna unloaded all her magic, and fired a laser of epic proportions at the dragons skull, as Celestia did the same straight into it's throat.

And then, everything exploded.

*************************************

When Celestia awoke, the first thing she noticed, was that she was alive.

That was good.

She was also, in a bed.

Also a good sign.

And her face felt like it had been set on fire and then dipped in lemon juice. Then set on fire again.

Not a good sign.

As she opened her eyes, the first thing she noticed was that her precious student was currently staring intently at her, a worried look on her face.

"Princess, are you okay?" Twilight asked, her tone indicating her fear.

"I... I do believe so Twilight," Celestia chocked out, her throat feeling like it was filled with spikes.

"Sister, though does not sound well!"

Celestia turned her head, and saw her sister sitting next to her bed, covered in bandages.

"Luna! What happened to you?"

"That dragon hit like an angry... well, dragon," Luna responded, with an annoyed tone.

"What... What happened to it?"

"It's currently being held in the dungeon, under intensive care."

"You mean it survived? How?"

"We are not sure. Especially seeing as how it's head  did NOT survive. Well, initially."

Twilight's eyes widened, and she gasped.

"W-w-what?"

"Aye. The magic of our attacks destroyed the beast's skull, but it appears to be healing at an incredible rate," The lunar princess said, staring at the floor, her brow furrowed in concentration.

"H-h-how?! How could something survive the destruction of it's head?" Twilight stammered out, her shock evident.

"We know not. We were hoping when our sister awoke the three of us could interrogate the creature," Luna responded.

Celestia was silent for a few moments, thinking on what to do.

Suddenly she looked her sister in the eye, and decided.

"As soon as I'm ready, We shall see this 'dragon'."

****************************************************

Booting....

Systems online...

Error.... Critical error....

Rebooting....

Biological systems..... Online.

Mechanical systems.... ERROR.

Secondary brain..... offline.

Weaponry.... offline.

Mechanical repairs.... active.

....

Repairing.... Repairing.... Repairing....

Estimated repair time: four days.

Advise: Avoid combat, lay low. Seek medical attention.

"Fuckin' hey..."

Primas groaned as she she sat up, her head aching like an angry hornets nest.

Opening her eyes, she looked around.

Her heart promptly froze.

Staring down at her angrily, were two large Alicorns. And these ones, were clearly not newly-created like the purple one.

These two were old, very old. And powerful.

...

Just not as old as her. As powerful? Perhaps. Perhaps not.

"Hello, young Drake," The stronger, older one spoke, It's voice calm and gentle.

"Sister, we art wasting our time. It is clearly a simple beast-"

" Beast!? How dare you insult me so-"

"-Or not."

"You're damn right, 'or not'," She said, irritation having overcome her rational mind.

"Who art though, hatch-ling?"

"God-dammit blue-one, You're the young-one here!"

Everyone in the room froze at such a bold accusation.

"My apologies, Drakeling, but even you're king is half my age-"

"The year?"

"What?"

"The. Year."

"2370 P.U." The ivory one said, tilting her head.

"I assume you mean post unification?"

"Yes, Drakeling." Luna said, her head tilting.

"Let's see... Perhaps...  About two thousand years since it happened?"

"Two thousand years since when, knave?" The blue one, Luna, Primas assumed, said.

"My reign,"

"You're- What now?"

"My reign. Am I correct in assuming you are the Princess Luna and Celestia that you're adorable compatriot introduced me to?"

"A-a-adorable?" Twilight squeaked out, eyes widening.

"Hmm. Yes. But, was i correct?"

"Yes, you are, now could you please introduce yourself?" Celestia asked, a slight twitch in her brow.

"The title my nobles used, or an actual name?"

"... Both?" Celestia asked, tilting her head.

Primas gave a sigh, and rose up from the bed, ripping needles from her scales, shredding the sheets.

As she stood atop the bed, she gave a clumsy curtsy.

"I am Queen Primas L. Rose of Equestria-"

-Everyone in the room eyes widened, except Twilight who had already heard it-

"-Slayer of the Council of fools, last daughter of Frey'ak Hai', President of Primal Industries, High Judge of the courts of Equestria, member of the Galactic Council of Empires, N*1 on the Astric (and the council's) wanted list, terror of the known galaxy (And several others), graduate of Harvard, Yale, and several other schools, inventor, and last, but not least, lawyer,"

Everypony in the room stared at the dragon, holding the curtsy the whole time, as she listed off her titles.

"I belive," Celestia said, "There is some explaining to be done."