My Own Comfort

by Listener

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Sad
Length: 4696

When a filly version of herself appears in the middle of the library, Twilight must figure out what happened, what it means, but most importantly, give comfort to the last person she thought she could. Herself.

When a filly version of herself appears in the middle of the library, Twilight must figure out what happened. She must figure out what it means. But most importantly? She has to comfort the last person she thought she would ever have to.

Herself.

All while dealing with her own shattering reality.

Credit to Kaitou for the coverart!
Thank you Blankscape for massive amounts of help writing it.

And, of course, the person who has been waiting a long time for this story.
Happy birthday Foals! Thanks for sticking with me for so long!

Published 2015-11-04 03:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-04 03:10:02 UTC

Chapter the First

As Twilight cradled the trembling filly in the middle of the library, her mind spun with all the different possibilities that were implied by her mere presence. This wasn’t just any filly, this was Twilight herself. A younger version of her. Was someone crazy enough to create a duplicate of her and send her to her library home? Twilight would have felt it coming. Then a thought occurred to her. It was practically an impossibility, but it only turned more probably the more she thought about it.

Time doesn’t just change. It can’t. It won’t. It’s a natural law that everything must be as it has always has been. With respect to time, fate didn’t exist. Whatever choices she has made or events that have happened must always happen, else a paradox would arise. Nothing can change time. She had already proven that to herself.

The filly in her arms quivered, her crying petering a bit as she wept into her shoulder. The hue of the filly’s familiar purple mane hid her face.

Time never changes. But it had changed… somehow. Her past self was irrefutable proof of that. The why and how of this all, however… why someone, or even why her past self would want to come to the future, and how exactly whoever was responsible for this, had obtained the power and means. It was these two important motives that evaded Twilight Sparkle. And the unknowns were beginning to frighten her

All this and so much more crowded Twilight’s mind. Her train of thought screeched to a halt as she came to the only logical conclusion to the matter at hand. If what she was taught to believe was true, then the current situation was impossible.

She couldn't be here as a filly. She didn’t remember it ever happening.

History was rewriting itself with the filly Twilight being its new lead, heralding the creation of a new path. However, she herself was of the future, albeit one that no longer has meaning.

What was to follow was plain to see.

She was going to disappear.

Her mind hitched on that one essential fact as she continued to hold and comfort the scared filly. Her tears had pretty much dried up at this point, but filly Twilight still snuffled a bit as she drew away from the embrace.

She took a look at the library and the shelves of books that towered above her. Ears folded, she slowly looked back at Twilight.

“W-Where am I?” Her past self finally spoke, softly breaking her sobs and the relative silence.

Her past self’s attention squarely on her, Twilight quickly swallowed her fear and smiled. “You’re at the Golden Oak Library,” she answered sagely nodding assuredly at the filly. “It’s the best place in town for a bona fide reading experience, either literary or scholarly.” She said as her mind tried to think of a solution.

Filly Twilight nodded, looking around and gradually shaking off her fears. Looking down, she took note of the scorch marks on the floor from her arrival, and the sooty bits of paper and hardback scattered about.

“I-I’m sorry I destroyed some of your books, Miss...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Twilight said, smiling gently and patting her on the filly on the back.

With her horn shining bright, her magic promptly set to work. Salvageable books flew in and out, setting themselves on a nearby a reading desk. Meanwhile, a dusty mop wrapped in a purple glow flopped into view and wiped the floor of soot as the pair scooted away from the scorch mark.

On the other hoof, Filly Twilight was left in a daze. A mundane chore like that came off as perfectly choreographed performance akin to a fireworks display. It amazed her completely.

“Wow… You can do all that at the same time?” she said in awe.

Twilight chuckled and nodded, her fears forgotten for a moment. “Yes, I can. Quite easily in fact. This is only a bit less than what I consider a chore” she admitted, tousling the filly’s hair. “With practice you’ll be just as good in no time.”

Far less actually. On an good day, Twilight would be satisfied with just dusting the place. On more… hectic days, Spike would have to stop her from trying to develop a new sorting system for hours on end. However it was only for a moment, and that existential fear was steadily taking hold of her again. Anxiety was flooding the forefront of her mind, and she mustered all of her remaining courage to keep it in. An adult breaking down in front of a foal was the last impression she wanted to leave on herself. For her past self’s sake, she had to keep a lid on it.

Filly Twilight noted the slight twitches on the older mare’s face, but paid it no mind. The thought of becoming as focused and precise as the mare in front of her was nothing short of awe-inspiring.

“Do you really think so?” she asked her eyes lighting up.

Then the thought came to her. The one time back then when she managed such a display of power, in spite of being only a filly. Twilight had barely stifled down a gasp.

“By any chance…” She hesitated for a moment, but she plucked the resolve to go on. Twilight just had to know. “Were you taking your entrance exam for Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns?”

Filly nodded slowly, embarrassed by the sudden inquiry. “How did you know about that exactly?” Her past self asked, petering out in volume as she slowly recalled what had transpired.

“Oh...right, my sister is taking the exam later this week,” Twilight excused in the spur of the moment. With that unexpected hurdle overcome, she pressed on. “So, did you pass? Did you hatch the dragon egg?”

Her worst fears came to pass when filly Twilight answered, ”No... I didn’t have enough magic!” It was her dream to enroll in Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns. But she failed spectacularly and literally couldn’t even show face. She looked about ready to cry another river.

In an instant, Twilight’s blood ran cold at the implication, and she resisted the urge to run up the stairs to make sure her number one assistant was still there. “There, there. Everything is going to be alright. I promise. Something clearly didn’t go right for you to end up all the way here. Technically speaking, your exam was interrupted, and there’s nothing in the guidelines that’s stopping you from trying again, is there? You’ll definitely pass next time ‘round. With flying colors no doubt.”

Half lies she spun around her past self’s young mind. Twilight vaguely remembered reading the rulebook way back when, so chances were her past self did too. It was just easier to convince herself of something she wasn’t sure was there. However, those words were just as much directed to herself as they were to the small filly she wrapped tightly in her embrace. More than ever these last moments of calm and comfort mattered the most to Twilight, as her fabric of reality untangled and began to unweave. In the place of her reading desk, neatly organized shelves and cozy library home, a dusty abandoned hollow of a tree began to set in. Filly Twilight was none the wiser.

Terror had taken root in Twilight.

“I’m Twilight Sparkle. What’s your name, Miss?” her past self introduced, then asked. Oh she was so blissfully unaware.

Twilight barely kept her cool and struggled not to crush the filly in her horror-fueled vicegrip. “It’s… It’s Waning Star,” she answered, on the verge of breaking into sobs herself. The tears would have alerted Past Twilight to the older mare’s plight. If only they hadn’t faded before reaching her coat.

“Uhh…. Let me head out real quick.Why don’t you pick up a book and pass the time?” Twilight suggested, wiping away the tears. She put on a mask of a reassuring smile. “I’m going to get in touch with your parents and have them come get you.”

Like the good little filly she had been and still was, filly Twilight made her way to the fading reading desk. In its stead was a dusty, toppled over version with a wobbly leg. Her past self didn’t mind it at all. She grabbed a nearby book and box to sit on, blowing the dust off the old tome.

Twilight watched her eagerly lock gaze into the book’s contents, reading on without a care in the world. It was then her own cares and trouble came back crashing down on her. She reached for the knob of the front door, but her hoof only phased through. Twilight tried forcing it open. The door creaked open with wooden boards peeking from past the crack. She stepped back and looked at her past self. Amazingly she didn’t notice the racket she was making.

“Haha, I forgot something upstairs. Silly me. Don’t you worry,” Twilight assured with the filly nodding obediently. “Everything is going to be okay!”

Her breath hitched as she ducked out of the main room and raced up the stairs to Spike.

“Spike?” She cried out, looking for her number one assistant as she frantically ran round the upper floors. “Spike! Where are you?”

She checked everywhere; the bedroom, the bathroom, the closet, outside the balcony, every hiding spot she could think of. But the rooms were hollow and bare of furnishing. The bathroom dry and it’s pipes rusted. Everywhere she went, there were only dust bunnies to greet her. In frightened realization, Twilight accepted the truth.

Spike was gone. Reality was shifting, nearly finished in setting place.

She collapsed to the floor, not even kicking up dust in her fall. Twilight curled into herself. A crumpled, discarded idea in the scheme of existence. Her eyes squeezed shut as the tears fell in vain, staining her fading body as she bawled it all out. Filly Twilight didn’t even hear the crying, because there was nopony there with her in the first place. Not anymore.

Twilight Sparkle ceased.

Chapter the Second

“Well, here we are!”

Twilight smiled excitedly as Mayor Mare opened the door to the library. The door swung inward to revealing the dusty floor which starkly contrasted the bright and blue Ponyville day behind them. She took scope of all it, the dreary atmosphere, the sparse spaces, even the gutted shelves. Radiant literary possibility shone from them all.

“Thank you Mayor Mare. The Princess could easily have arranged all of this for me, but this is something I just had to do for myself,” the unicorn said as she stepped inside the library. Layers of dust came unsettled as she set careful hooves on the floor. She did her best not to disturb the sleeping dragon on her back. They had left Canterlot on the midnight train, an hour at which a baby dragon should have been sleeping.

Mayor Mare followed her inside but kept close to the door. She had chosen to spare what little free time she had for this very special pony, one whose abrupt arrival into her life made it all the more wonderful. The time for sentiment was coming to a close, however. She had an inauguration to get to. She followed Twilight inside further, careful not get a speck of dust on her person.

“Ah, it’s no trouble at all, Twilight. Taking initiative for the first time is a fresh and exciting change, is it not? After all, what is learning when you’ve relied on the Princess up until now?” she teased her. Mayor Mare glanced around the library with skeptical eyes.

“Err… I am well aware of your… penchant for books.” The place was a wreck. A masterpiece of Earth Pony craftsmanship no doubt, but the passage of time had not been kind at all. “But honestly, Twilight. A library? Isn’t this a bit extreme?”

Twilight grinned at the older mare before shrugging. “You know as well as I do that this place has been empty for too long.”

She strode further into the library, stepping on a slight depression on the floor. Noticing it, she slid a hoof over it. Wasn’t there a heavy figurehead that was supposed to stand here? She could faintly recall seeing it somewhere in the library.

“Ah, that,” Mayor Mare began, clearing her throat of dust. “That bust of Clover the Clever was magnificent. But sadly it was of a lesser make and starting to crumble to bits. The wood wasn’t enchanted against termites like everything else, I’m afraid.”

“Well, that’s a shame. I was hoping to pair it with this wonderful Starswirl bust I’m having shipped later this week,” Twilight replied in a moment’s disappointment. “No matter. I’ll just find a replacement, or just commission somepony in town. And besides, this place... There’s something about I can’t...” Twilight trailed off as she surveyed the place again..

Mayor Mare followed Twilight’s gaze and the matter clicked. She sighed contemplatively and looked back at Twilight. “It’s hard to believe that back then that a filly such as yourself was capable of teleporting all the way from Canterlot to this abandoned space of all places. A feat of magic only master mages are capable of,” she told in recollection with a hint of nostalgia and amazement. Frankly for her, the event was still fresh in mind, with the mare beside her as living proof. The more Mayor Mare thought about it, the more the awe she had for Twilight grew. “It’s been years since then, but it actually doesn’t feel that very long since I found you here sleeping in that dusty book fort you built,” she said as she came and stood next to Twilight.

Twilight laughed at the memory. “Oh, I remember that. How you spent the next day trying to get in contact with my parents? Oh boy, that day was a doozy.”

“Yes, quite. And let me tell you, having a filly with an unusually large reserve of magic around the house? That certainly was an interesting week. It should have been no surprise to me when Princess Celestia herself answered the call first,” she said with a fidgety smile. Like any other average pony, it was her dream to meet the dear Princess in the flesh. But the chance of meeting her out of the blue in normal circumstances was slimmer than meeting in the dungeons for committing treason. Looking back now, she supposed that this hadn’t been a normal circumstance at all.

“Well, I’m glad you found me. I honestly don’t know if I would have made it without you finding me in the morning. Honestly, I might have just panicked myself sick.” Twilight came in close to bring Mayor Mare into a thankful hug. “Thanks again.”

She grinned ear to ear and reached a hoof to tousle up Twilight’s mane. “No, my little bright star,” she said.

Twilight looked up at her at the mention of her old nickname, one she hadn’t heard in so long.

“Thank you for bringing such color to this plain old mare’s life.”

The embrace grew genuine with the warmth of love and friendship. After breaking away, Twilight giggled before fixing her hair, and Mayor Mare correcting her tie.

“Well as much as I love seeing you again, Twilight, I have duties to attend to,” she reminded herself with a sigh, heading out the door. “I’ll stop by later and help you settle in. If you haven’t already finished by then, that is!” Mayor Mare yelled with a wave goodbye.

Twilight returned the gesture before looking back to the work she had before her. It honestly looked like no one had been in the library since Mayor Mare had found her. She could even see the faded hoof outlines on the dust by the window where she had peeked past the boards in looking up at the Mare on the moon. She smiled as the chain of memories reminded her what happened later that morning.

She had woken up to the nudges of a very confused and concerned beige mare. Said mare had come across her when she spied a crack on the boards with the door behind it slightly ajar. What followed then had been an awkward hour of getting filly Twilight to even talk to her before her stomach grumbled, causing her to consider the offer of a daffodil sandwich and orange juice in the Mayor’s home. It had taken about a week for a letter to get to Canterlot, what with the backlog at the post office due to mishandling. On the other hoof, her parents were quick to respond, sending mail via magic, a measure usually reserved during times of disaster. But what surprised both Mayor Mare and Twilight was the Princess’ unexpected arrival. Upon returning back in Canterlot, the good princess strongly advised the board of trustees of her school to let Twilight retake the exam. She passed with flying colors, hatched Spike from his egg and had earned her cutie mark that day to boot. And as they say, the rest is history.

Her horn lit softly, taking a pair of broom and dustpans each in its hold. She swept one corner by the door leading the kitchen-to-be. She then gently placed a still sleeping Spike on the spot, setting him down on the pillow she had brought, and then casting a simple null field against dirt and dust clouds.

Twilight took stock of her surroundings again. A small cart wheeled inside by her magic’s tug, and she added the cleaning supplies she stashed in it to her arsenal. It was just her and the dusty innards of this tree-bary, as they so fondly called it back then. This place was going to be spick and span before the night came.

A dozen brooms and mops unsettled dust bunnies up from their years-long rest. Thrice that many rags fluttered as they wiped and polished every shelve and surface that wasn’t the floor. Her magic on autopilot now, and she went on like this for almost hour. That was when something caught her attention. A peculiar feeling that tingled her from within, not unlike a unicorn foal’s first magical burst, yet…

Twilight shook her head and kept her focus on cleaning the library.

“You can do all that at the same time?”

Twilight stopped and looked around, confused. “Who’s there?”

There was nopony else around aside from the baby dragon sleeping a short ways away from her. That was really weird. As if on cue, the wind picked up and slammed the door shut, startling Twilight and nearly waking Spike up from his sleep. She examined the door, but nothing about it seemed off. What’s more was the clouds we still off in the distance with weather ponies working on them. She tried waving it off but the pace of her cleaning slackened as she became slightly unhinged. Her mind was elsewhere now, and with her concentration slipping, several brooms collided into a rickety reading desk.

“Oh horseapples...” she cursed at her sudden incompetence. She wasn’t a filly anymore, and juggling levitation spells for mundane chores shouldn’t take so much focus for her.

Still, something was off as she continued cleaning. Books of her personal collection flew through the air as she took them out from her cart and arranged them correctly. There were several stacks of forgotten books in the closet as well. They were all in need of some restoration, but for the most part she was glad their print was still legible.

She continued going around the library as she cleaned, humming a tune to herself as she reflected on the friends she had made here in Ponyville, a happy turn of events that came out of her teleportation incident. Running into Pinkie as a filly certainly had made an impact on the younger version of her. She had only just moved into Sugarcube Corner to learn baking, yet she had so many friends in town already. Of course, Pinkie had also introduced her to nearly every one of them.

She chuckled inwardly. In all honesty this was the main reason that she had moved down to Ponyville. To be closer to her friends. Pen pals were great and all, but nothing beat having real friends around to talk too. Sure she would miss Moondancer and the gang back in Canterlot, but she still had her apartment and all the books she left there to sort out. So there was no doubt she’d be seeing them quite often.

Her face turned bothered at the thought of coming back and forth between Ponyville and Canterlot. But then something else caught her eye, and this time it was on the floor.

“Scorch marks...?” She whispered as she looked at the vaguely circular burn, situated in the center of the library. The dust must have covered it up when they first entered the place. “So this where I teleported to?” She asked with a curious tone as she walked over, standing in the center.

“I’m Waning Star.”

Twilight gasped as she jumped out of the scorch mark.

“What was that?” She asked as if hoping somepony might answer here, Spike only responding with a yawn as he rolled over in his sleep

“Waning Star...?” She repeated those words… no, not words… a name! “That... That sounds strangely familiar.”

Twilight took cautious steps towards the scorch marks once more. She reached hoof to touch the burns on the floor. That was when it all rushed in, coming back to her.

“Uhh…. Let me head out real quick.Why don’t you pick up a book and pass the time?”

Twilight shook her head, memories flashing in her mind and causing it to spin. A different set of memories suddenly revealed themselves as she frantically threw her gaze around the library with new eyes.

“H-how could I... I forgot about her,” she said as the memory came back to her. The mare who had truly been the first to find her, and console her. Bits and pieces of this unicorn mare came together and the silhouette in her mind gained definition and slowly stepped out from the dark forgetful haze. Her coat a purple hue of late dusk, and her main a deep indigo like the moonlit night sky. Her calming mannerisms and assuring words. Twilight could even make out her cutie mark fresh from memory, a five-pointed starburst...

“I… forgot myself?”

That was just the beginning of it though, as even more memories flooded in, Twilight seeing herself- no... seeing who she had been sitting down in front of the dilapidated desk, it barely standing up as she reached out with feeble magic, a dripping quill hovering in front of her.

Twilight knew exactly what the other her was doing, having done it herself countless times.

“Dear Princess Celestia,”

Twilight shook her head, trying to clear the memory that almost didn’t belong yet fit so rightly in place. The wavering voice in her head continued to speak aloud what was being written with a voice desperate to be strong, yet nearly spent of remaining courage.

“I wish I knew how to start this letter, Princess. But I don’t.”

The other her trying her best to keep it in, but nothing could stop the tears as it welled in her eyes.

Previous memories of this other her imposed themselves. Waning Star moved around the library. She helped ponies who came looking for good literature. She laughing with ponies who looked exactly like Pinkie and her Ponyville friends. She saw Waning Star- no… she saw Twilight Sparkle sitting in the corner and reading the night away quietly by candle light with a ghost like quality, yet her internal mind celebrated countless festivities with every page she turned.

“The impossible has happened and frankly I don’t know what to do. My past self has ended up in the library, and from what I could glean from her, she had not taken her entrance exam yet. This... should be impossible, Princess. Yet I cannot deny this is all too real. My past now weaves down a different path in the timeline without seeming cause, and has already taken Spike away. I suspect it won’t be long before the ripples in time reach for me and unravel my present as well.”

With a glance at Spike, Twilight gave a sigh of relief as she slowly ascended the stairs

“The library has become abandoned and decrepit as if nobody has ever lived here. The pictures of my friends and family have all disappeared. My belongings, my books, everything that’s proof of my existence is fading away.”

Her breathing grew heavy and ragged from the influx of memories. She never really explored this place when she first came, yet she headed upstairs, turned corner and open doors with such familiarity. It felt she had been here the whole time. Her mind was unsure where her memories were decisive in what it wanted to show her.

“I don’t even know why I’m writing this letter to you. Logically speaking, the you that I know and love so well could have very well disappeared along with Spike and everything else by now. I know this a futile endeavor. I know… this won’t change anything.”

Twilight brought a hoof to mouth, terrified of the thoughts that plagued the other her in her final moments.

The other Twilight continued to dictate, but her sobs were getting stronger. It wasn’t long before she was crying, and she struggled past the tears. Holding them back for so long in spite of her impending existential unravelling, was a feat in and of itself, Twilight thought.

“I am..was Twilight Sparkle, but so is she... In a way, will some part of me continue to live on in her? ”

Twilight’s eyes darted around the upper floor. The voice was petering out, yet it was also getting louder. Then she came upon a dusty old writing desk by the window. A perfect place to gaze at the moon within the comforts of home when nights grew too cold.

“This filly has merely been set back. I’ve accomplished so many things, and she will too. Despite all that’s happening and how it terrifies me, I choose to believe in me.”

She placed both hooves on the table top, looking down at the layers of dust that bedded it’s surface.

“I doubt anyone will remember me as I am. But some ponies believe that dreams are windows into alternate selves. Maybe Luna will see amongst the thousands of other faded realities? I hope so very much” Other Twilight had exhausted herself in her despair, letting a faint hopeful chuckle break through.

Twilight brushed the layer of dust aside, revealing a faded piece of parchment and picking it up. It faintly smelled of ink. In fact against time itself, the writing remained and persisted as faded etchings that were barely legible.

“I was my only comfort, Princess. Please continue to be hers.”

She held back her own sobs as the emotions of her alternate self crashed over her, reading the ending as the other Twilight spoke her last.

“This is my last letter to you Celestia. This is... was your faithful student, Twilight Sparkle.”

For a moment, the library was deathly silent. Twilight’s sobs echoed through the halls as her wayward memories came full circle.

Creaking stairs and floorboards sounded off behind her and she turned around seeing Spike rubbing the sand from his eyes. “Why didn’t you wake me up Twilight? I am still a baby dragon, but even I can-”

Spike noticed his adoptive sister’s tears. “Twilight? Are you alright?”

Twilight quickly and carefully rolled the parchment up. She turned around and nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“Spike, take a letter.”

Author's Note

Well, it's certainly been a while, hasn't it?
Here's a new story that's been in the works a while ~~A year~~.

Happy Late/Early Birthday Foals! Thanks for sticking with me for this long~

-Listener