As summer wound down into early fall, Sunset couldn't help but think of the falling leaves to come as beautiful. They were something she knew of in this world that was similar to Equestria.
She loved how the trees were able to shed their dying leaves so that they could begin anew in the spring. They reminded her of herself, and what she had went through.
Though she thought of herself more as a burgundy leaf falling to the cold concrete than a tree shedding its leaves.
Sure she had redeemed herself, she saw the proof in her every day life. But she couldn't forget the horrible things she had done, the things she had done that she couldn't undo with a simple, "I'm sorry."
To say that Sunset was depressed was an understatement. She was more than depressed. She was hopeless. Uncaring. Even apathetic. Not towards her friends, of course.
No, she could never show them the shallow husk of a girl she had become. Not after all the things they had done for her.
But here, as she stood on the edge of a bridge, with the crisp wind blowing behind her and the trees flowing, she considered that maybe that would have been a good idea.
But she couldn't bring herself to do it.
Every time Pinkie or Rarity asked her what was wrong when she didn't laugh as hard at the jokes told at the table or smile as much as she used to, she told them it was nothing, and gave them a weak, pained smile.
But it wasn't nothing.
It was very much something.
She wouldn't be standing here, on this bridge, knuckles white as she's holding on to the railing if she was truly okay.
But she wanted this to be over with.
Her former self haunted her too much. Tormented her for months and continued to remind her of the truly awful things she had done.
She was tired.
So.
So.
Tired.
"I don't deserve to have friends," she said to herself, her words being carried off by the wind. There was no one around to hear her but herself.
She didn't realize she was crying until the tears were streaming down her face and her vision was becoming blurry. She held steadfast though. She wanted to do it. She wanted to let go.
But something was holding her back, preventing her from taking that leap.
Her friends.
She shuddered with sobs as each of their faces flashed in her mind, expressions happy and joyful, then saw them distraught as they were leaning over a casket, shrouded in dark clothes.
"I don't deserve friends," she repeated, her voice barely above a whisper.
Of course you don't. Look how you treated them. The voice in her head told her.
"Shut up!" She shouted out loud, chest heaving. "Shut up!"
You're silencing me because you know it's the truth. There's no need to deny it. Let's face it. You were nothing but a charity case to them.
That was the last straw. Sunset's grip on the railing loosened, and she began to lean backwards towards her paradise, her peace at last.
She was confused when she felt a strong hand pull her up over the railing and onto the bridge.
"-out of your mind?! You could have killed yourself!"
Sunset was too unnerved to know who exactly was talking to her, but she had a feeling it was Applejack. She felt a pair of arms around her and a blanket being draped on her shoulders.
Pinkie and Fluttershy.
Hands grabbed at her shirt, but she refused to look the person in the eye.
Rainbow Dash.
"What the hell were you thinking?! If we hadn't've shown up you'd've been dead!" The rainbow haired girl shrieked, shaking her.
"You should have let me die," Sunset mumbled drunkenly, as if in a stupor.
"WHAT?!" Five voices answered her back.
"I said you should have let me die! I was so close! So close to getting that thing out of my head and, and you all ruined it!" She shouted, choking back sobs.
"What thing, darling?" Rarity asked, kneeling to her level and putting her hand on her shoulder tentatively as if the older girl was going to break from the slightest touch.
"The voice inside my head! It won't let the old me die! It keeps reminding me how much of a terrible person I was and I can't get rid of it! I believe everything that it says! I am a horrible person! I deserve to die!" Sunset wailed.
"No you don't!" Applejack told her sternly. "No one deserves to die! No one! It doesn't matter what you did in the past! You are who you are now and that's all that matters!"
"Yeah! Screw old Sunset!" Dash added. "You're nothing like her! She was a bitch and an asshole but you're nothing like her! She died when the elements blasted you back to your senses!"
Rarity helped Sunset to her feet. "Dearie, we all care about you. You are important to us. Whatever that voice is telling you in your head, it's wrong. You are worth more than anything in the world."
At that moment, Sunset looked into the eyes of each and every one of her friends, searching for a hint of deception.
But there was none.
All that was there was the overwhelming feeling of love and devoted friendship. And that's when she realized that she needed not to punish herself. She had done her time.
And just like that, the voice disappeared.
And for the first time in months, Sunset truly, genuinely smiled.
Author's Note
I don't really know what this is...I wrote it while my depression was bad. I kind of put myself in Sunset I guess. I dunno. What do you guys think?
