In Which I Dress Up and Go to Magical Pony Land.
My name isn't important. Nor were the circumstances that led to me leaving. Just know that I was in a bad place. After I heard about all of the people disappearing I thought that it would be a good chance for me to become happy again. I decided that if I were to go anywhere, I would dress how I wanted to. I bought some bright teal pants and a fiery orange shirt, both of which looked cartoony as they had to. I decided on making my own vanity tools because it would cost too much otherwise. I put a lot of effort into it. I even bought a wig of bright blue hair that was in a style like the Guide's.
Finally the night of the con came by and I was elated. I drove there. The guard commented on my hairdo and insulted me, such is life. I wandered around the con. Near the end I almost left for my car but I saw a stall that had many things on it. I saw some amazing things like an extremely well made copy of the Escafil Cube and many others. The runner of the stall looked like the merchant from Resident Evil 4.
"Got a good selection of things on sale stranger," he even got the accent right, huh. "I know what would be good for you," He reached behind him and pulled out a designer quality three-dimensional version of the sunglasses from Terraria, there was even a tag that said, 'makes you look cool' on it. Holy shit, these glasses are what I need.
"How much are they?" I asked.
He grinned "For you stranger, only twenty dollars," That's a steal. "Or you can pay thiry and get this lightup version of the suspicious looking eye as well,"
"Alright, I'll buy both," he grinned like a pedophile in an orphanage.
"After I placed the eye in my backpack and put my sunglasses on, I felt at least 20% cooler. The merchant said "Have a nice trip!"
"I intend to," was my reply. After that I remember a portal and then nothingness.
The next thing I knew I was in a forest. I could feel the wind on the tips of the wig I had bought. I also saw five hearts above my head and a star on my wrist. Well, shit. I'm a Terrarian now, but wait... I can see like I did when I was a human but I also sensed the earth below me and felt something like gold... what, how can I feel this? I don't care, it's awesome! I didn't see the guide anywhere so I was suprised at that. On another note I need a new name as well. My old name was full of too much pain. I decided to keep things simple, Terrarian will be my new name. After I solved the crisis of me getting a new name I saw what looked like equine beings, Unicorns? This isn't the Hallow and I haven't even fought the Wall of Flesh. There were so many of them as well. I didn't see a water candle anywhere around here and I sure as hell didn't drink a battle potion. I have the horrible gear of a starting Terrarian. I can't take on these unicorns. But wait, these unicorns were wearing armor... what?
I then noticed that they were talking to me via text above their head. "can understand me we are taking you to the Princess because you are a possible threat to Equestria.
I then saw a reply button appear in midair. Not knowing what to do, I pressed the button. A log showed up before me that said the... unicorn who just talked with me was named Glittering Bastion on the Team Equestria. I didn't know how to work the log so I just said "Help." A message then popped up on the log. (Use voice to type. Can turn voice chat on by saying 'Voice Chat Activate!' to hear their voices and reply without typing. I then said "Voice Chat Activate!"
As soon as I started hearing I heard a unicorn say "Why not just sedate him and get it over with?"
"Because then you would lose the chance to talk to another sentient race, you wouldn't want that now would we?" I just watched as all of the unicorns's mouths dropped.
They turned toward me and said "Can you come with us please to meet the Princess?' Hmm, should I or should I not? Almost everything in the world of Terraria tries to kill you. This'll probably be the same. If I die I'll probably respawn. Eh, fuck it.
"Sure, as long as there are no handcuffs," I said as I watched the unicorn that said they should sedate me whip his... fore...legs(?) out from behind his back with a hasty grin after I said the last part. You, my friend, are going to die someday. Preferably with a knife stuck in your throat. We started walking. We made small talk about the other races, the apparent 'Mud Ponies' and 'Feather Brains', plain miniature horses that are good with crops and pegasi. I'm pretty sure that the pegasi would have liked me. Terrarians can walk on clouds so they might like me because of it. And apparently thirteen unicorns move the sun and the moon. Yeah right, that's bullshit. If the sun was moved there would me massive consequences. They also apparently do both at the same time. At most I'll believe they turn the planet.
We then got to the... FUCKING CASTLE!?! man, this princess must be rich. As we walk in I see a scared and starving creature. It was black and insectoid. It was being brought to a gallows. I ask Bastion what is is, she said "It's a parasite that feeds on love. It can change forms so we call it a changeling. The princess ordered us to hunt down all changelings we could find. Sadly we only found one," which one is that I wonder? All the unicorns aren't bound. Hmm. I'll find out later. We walk into the glowing crystal castle. I didn't know how much trouble I was in there until it was too late.
In Which a Terrarian Dies
As I walked in I saw murals of slavery with ponies carrying baskets that contained a unicorn with a crown on. There was a lot of hustle and bustle of ponies. Such bigotry they have. As we walked a convoluted route to the throne room I was looking in my backpack and everything stopped, all the noise and my peripherals saw no-one moving. When I focused back into my backpack I saw an almost holographic version of the Terraria inventory in my backpack. It had many less slots than the Terraria inventory did. I went into the crafting menu and saw that there were new craftables. One was a shortsword, one was a pickaxe and one was an axe. I selected the pickaxe and the craft was ready. I read the recipe. It said that magic built castle was a crafting station and I had to have a copper pickaxe. I read the name of the pickaxe, It said soulbonded pickaxe. The tooltip simply said; 'It evolves'.
As soon as I made the pick, an achievement popped up and a new tab unlocked with a trophy on it. 'Made the best pickaxe! It'll take a while.' I read the stats. The pick can mine the stuff that copper can, plus something called magic shards. I examined the eye that I had completely forgotten about. It was called 'Trustworthy Looking Eye.' In it's tool tip it says 'Summons Eye of ???' I'm not gonna do that any time soon. Finally I look at the armor area. Two debuffs are there. One is 'Chilled' which I honestly expected to see. The other, not so much. It said 'Prisoner'. If I could have I would have double taked. These unicorns were holding me prisoner? Bastards! I exit my backpack with my hotbar chosen. I then followed as if nothing happened. Soon enough we were in the throne room.
Before me sat a pure white unicorn on the throne. Her cutie mark as I've been told by the guards is three diamonds to signify her being of queenly material apparently. As soon as I stepped into the room she screamed and fainted onto a... couch? We're in the medieval times and she has a fucking fainting couch! How the hell?!? As soon as she woke up a purple unicorn showed up and the queen gripped her and whined "Get rid of that monster Clover! It's icky!" Oh hell no.
"Like you're any better queen I can force slavery upon anyone because they don't have a phallus on their head!" The queen fainted and the guards tensed. At this 'Clover' giggled.
"Clover, just how can you take the side of this cretin?" the fainting one asked with hurt in her voice. "I thought you served your queen," what a bitch.
"I do Queen Platinum it's just that his joke he made is quite entertaining," Really?
"What joke?" stew on that bitch minion.
"You honestly think that earth ponies and pegasi are our equal? We raise the sun!" She looked quite aggravated at me. "Do you think we would live if it weren't for us moving the bodies? Queen Platinum herself is in the thirteen!" Interesting.
"So that why they need thirteen to rotate the planet, you set them back twelve! Now it makes sense." Platinum turned purple at that comment.
"TREASON, GUARDS, TAKE HIM TO THE DUNGEON!" Whoa Nelly.
" Would you kindly cease the calamity that's inside of your mammaries?" The purple deepened.
The guards took me to the dungeon where I met one of my first allies.
In the cell with me was a dragon by the name of Thermite, he was orange, I laughed on the inside about how they probably didn't even know what thermite was. I asked him "What's up with your name?"
"My foster parents were seers so they chose a name 'from the future' to be my name, whenever I asked, why Thermite? My parents always said my fire was as hot as thermite, I had no understanding of that," he looked downcast. I had to cheer him up.
"Thermite is a scientific mixture that when burned can be thousands of degrees. Whenever you think of of fire you think of heat, you think of the pain that fire causes you. With thermite it burns so hot it incinerates things without it being felt because it gets to the nerves instantly. If you wanted to you could burn through the cell almost immediately. Once I'm gone you could leave," He seems to instantly cheer up. He still looked a little downcast.
"How? The cage is made of stone and magic shards," my lucky day or something, seriously
"Watch this," he watched enraptured as I took out the pickax and mined a big enough hole in the wall with the window that he could get through, quite a task if you ask me, I then went into my inventory where I saw a new recipe was there, I changed the walling into normal stone walling. I then turned my pick into the iron equivalent with ten of the sixteen I had to get the 4 by 4 piece of wall to normal. I placed the sixteen normal stone pieces in. "Now it's ready, remember to leave immediately after I go.
"Why not now?" he looked so hopeful. I had to make sure he understood I was serious.
"For one you would boil me," he looked depressed at that. "Two the guards will be distracted because of my execution,"
"Execution?!?" he seems disturbed.
"Execution. I need something that can let me get a hold of you," Immediately after saying that a scale peeled off of him and was rocketed into my backpack. New Recipe Unlocked I checked the crafting menu and it seems that the remaining six magic shards could be combined with the Orange Dragon Scale to make a mount item called Orange Dragon Saddle
Achievement Unlocked: Get your first follower!
An hour later the guards came back. They came with a face mask. The guards shoved it over my face and said, "It'll be over soon ape, soon enough you'll be a head in a basket." they said that while we were still in the room with the dragon. I knew exactly where he was because of the item I have that links me to him. I held my palm out, to signify to calm the fuck down. "Awww, the ape calmed down the widdle dwagonkins," she can die in a hole for all I care. "Too bad we'll be coming back for him soon... the queen wants to cut down on the dragon attacks by sending a message," hopefully he'll have enough time.
They then took me outside of the building and to a gallows. Platinum said to me as I passed her, "This is why you don't insult the Queen.
"You probably shoudln't have done that, though I do agree with you on the slavery. I don't think that we'd survive without the food any more than without the sun and moon cycle," She smiled halfheartedly at me.
They then hooked me up to the gallows, on a rope above a boiling cauldron of water. there was a stool above the water that I stood on. My executioner said "I don't care what you did, I'm just glad we're having meat again after so long... no hard feelings," with that he booted the chair out from under me, I fell and at the stop three of the five hearts disappeared, I felt an excruciating pain and after that a steady ten damage inflicted which also burned like a motherfucker. I somehow heard an alarm blaring, saying; PRISONER ESCAPING, CATCH HIM! PRISONER ESCAPING, CATCH HIM! After each repetition of the two sentences, I lost ten life. After four times I died. I watched in awe as I detached from my body and went somewhere.
Once I was alive it was in the same position as before except there was a bunch of ice around. Huh. I went into my inventory and put the Orange Dragon Saddle in my hotbar. I used it and in five minutes later Thermite appeared and he was pissed.
Thermite PoV
It was fifteen days later and my best friend/master was nowhere to be seen. In the past two weeks since he had saved my life it had gotten a lot colder. All of the ponies had left after two days except a splinter group of earth ponies led by a charismatic white unicorn with a grey mane. He seemed bent on killing dragons after one attacked and killled a female pony. I felt a pull on the scale I had given Master. I was pissed. Master was the one I had given the scale to and now someone was defiling it. Fury gave me speed as I flew. When I got there all I saw was a bipedal being who held the saddle because of my rage.
Terrarian PoV
"HOW DARE YOU HOLD THAT SCALE! MY MASTER WAS THE ONE WHO WAS GIVEN THE SCALE BECAUSE HE SAVED MY LIFE! EXPLAIN BEFORE I ROAST YOU!" well shit, this is bad.
"Don't you recognise me Thermite? The one who mined the hole in the wall and placed it back in just so you could break out? The one who when your scale came off rocketed to my backpack?" C'mon, I don't want to be dragon food.
"Prove it, tell me the same thing you told me about my name that you said in the cell," well shit. I'll have to remember my exact phrasing.
"Thermite is a scientific mixture that when burned can be thousands of degrees. Whenever you think of of fire you think of heat, you think of the pain that fire causes you. With thermite it burns so hot it incinerates things without it being felt because it gets to the nerves instantly..." he then interrupted me with a tackle hug which dealt 30 damage.
"MASTER, you're alive! How? It's been fifteen days!" wait, what?
"WHAT, it's been fifteen days! Fuck! I am alive because I am never permanently dead. No, I am not an undead, I just can live forever now. I think..." hopefully not.
"Hop on, I'll take you to my cave, I'm so glad you're alive!" I get on and the saddle appears below me. I gain control. I then realize that there is already a house built for me when I open the map.
We fly there and I go into the house. I'm surprised at what I see.
In Which I Am 'Lazy' for a Day
As I walk into the cave I was pleasantly surprised. It wasn't one of the single room houses that players make in new worlds. It was a lavish four room cave! Or more! I could only see three doors besides the entrance. As I walked in I must have gawked because Thermite used a talon to push my lower jaw up and said "Welcome to my cave, do you want to meet the other residents? My wife and child live here," he looked happy.
"Sure! It'll be interesting. I hope they don't dislike me," I really hope they won't dislike me, or at least feel enough gratitude to let me stay here. Even though going by the game logic I won't freeze, it still felt like I was becoming an icicle out there. It didn't feel like natural cold, or at least not the cold that comes after fifteen days. It's almost like legends of the wendigoes back home. Hmm... meh.
"The first room on the left is mine and my wife's but she likes to hang out in the guest bedroom," he opened the door that was on the back wall. "This is my wife, Amber" he said as he pointed to a slightly more... feminine clone of himself. "Honey... this is Master, the one who saved my life, talk to each other, I'll be back to take Master to talk to the kid after" when I heard him say Master my jaw dropped and I turned to him.
Once he finished talking he turned around and was leaving but I said "What the hell Thermite! I didn't sign up to be your master!" I turned to Amber and started doing the motions of 'he's crazy I don't know what he's talking about' while my mouth opened and shut like a goldfish.
"Sorry I got to go, have fun! Bye!" he booked it out of there afterwards. Damn it.
"So I heard you saved my husband from his death at the hands of the ponies. I told him he shouldn't have antagonized them... he wouldn't listen though. He said it was the right thing to do! Look where that ended him at. Almost the recieving end of a declawing and deflaming process that ends in execution!" I could tell this was a sore subject for her so I tried to covertly edge away. It didn't work. "And now he tells us about a bipedal being with a strange fur covering saving his life with a pickaxe of all things. Please tell me how all of this adds up!" Near the end I decided to totally not avoid the topic by feeling the hair I had bought as a wig but now felt as if it was real. Why did I choose blue colored hair? It would make camoflage impossible. "Don't avoid the question mister, wait what is your name?"
"My name, is...
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-z3hj2x9WMOE/VBfX6WlKJ6I/AAAAAAAAAcw/SsrgC4REdC0/s1600/error-404.jpg
...Terrarian!" CRASH!!! lightning struck somewhere behind me. I then said "Oh fuck!" as I whirled around to look behind me. I saw nothing.
"So, Terrarian, tell me, how did this come to be and how did you survive for fifteen days, and as a followup, why didnn't you contact Thermy before now?" she asked with a grin that said 'if I don't like your answer you're dead'.
I told her my tale, except for the part about my inventory and it stopping time, as I think it would be a bad idea. I still haven't tested the capabilities of movement while in my inventory. Once I got to the part about the execution she started to look mad.
When I asked her why she said "Now I see, you're an undead! How could you come and bother us when you have died? I just want a normal life," oh, shit.
"Do I look undead to you? I still have heat from my body, I can still feel when things hurt me, and I'm pretty sure healing magic doesn't hurt me," at this she clawed me, when she didn't see a cut she was confused.
"I see two conflicting images, one of my eyes sees a person without any cuts and the other sees a person that has their whole body slightly hurt. I'll heal you now," as she did so I felt better and her right eye...scale...brow thing rose. "As I put the healing energy in, the measurements are exactly what they would be in a fully damagespreading creature. You are a mystery of this world Terrarian, be glad," hmm, that's what Terrarians are. "You have assuaged my concerns except for one," I'm still concerned with one thing as well.
"Why is Thermite calling me master? I don't like slavery. Too many people are hurt by it," I thought we were just friends.
"He calls you Master because in the dragon code, if somebody saves a dragon's life, the dragon will serve their saviour until the debt is repaid in full. As a life is infinite, the dragon will serve until the dragon saves the person's life or until the person or them dies. As you saved my husband's life, he now owes a lifedebt to you," I never wanted this!
I said such. "Now you have it," noooooooo...
"I guess it isn't as bad because I only need him so I can fly, when I'm off elsewhere he can stay with you. It isn't as bad as America at least," having a dragon to fly me around is pretty badass. "I guess we're good then," she nodded.
Miraculously, as soon as we finished talking Thermite walked in the door. "Are we ready to see my son now?" he looked very relieved.
"Yes, I think I am. You really shouldn't eavesdrop though. It's quite rude," as I said that, somehow the scales on his face paled. I thought reptiles were cold-blooded. Huh.
"We should get going now my son is waiting, bye Amber," what's it with the fast forward? God.
"You really shouldn't do that, you could get hurt or lose air from your lungs," he looked at me with a what? face. "You could die," he looked mortified. "Not," he did a double take but opened the last door while doing so.
"This is my son, Mortimer, he traded with the ponies before they left and before that king started hunting us," hmm... interesting. A merchant.
"I'll go to my room. you can go back to the guest room when you want to sleep. Have a good night," he then left me with his son.
His son was a yellow dragon and his scales looked a lot more shiny. He talked to me, "I've got my wares and I'll show them to you if you want. I also trade four mana shards for a heart shaped crystal, beaming with energy, of which I have five. Last but not least I have a quest for you that if you complete it I will allow you to buy some rare items," after that four buttons appeared in midair.
|Shop| |Quest| |Trade| |Cancel|
In the end after some thinking I pressed the quest button. "Noble Terrarian, I require Shiverthorn for my winter stock. Since the weather is acting up I am forced to bring it out early. Acquire for me three Shiverthorn plants and I will give you two gold coins as a reward and you may buy from the winter stock. Good travels adventurer. Is there anything else I can help you with?"
|Shop| |Trade| |Cancel|
I hit shop and I saw the same fare of the merchant in Terraria. I had no money so I decided to leave it. I left and hit cancel so I left the room. I set my spawn point at the guest room and left the cave.
Youtube Video
As I walk out of the cave I see a beautiful tundra. A little bit away I see a glowing plant along with some others. There are also Boreal Trees scattered about. I go and pick five of the Shiverthorn along with placing seeds where they were at. I left with a bonus of three seeds for a garden. I also axed down some trees and got myself some Boreal Wood. That'll be useful for armor.
That's when the terror came. Half decayed ponies in winter cloting and acidic creatures with an icy covering came out of the woodwork. I took out my pickaxe, because it's honestly better than the copper shortsword/rapier that I have now. I saw an eskimo zompony come up towards me, I swung my pickaxe at it as hard as I could it burst into the ludicrous gibs of Terraria. CRITICAL HIT sounded in the back of my head somewhere. As I attacked more and more creatures at full strength the message kept popping into my head over and over again at full intensity. Since I wanted it to stop I stopped hitting them as hard. All of the enemies dropped about a silver and fifty copper, I cleared up the last few and headed home.
As I walked into the house the sun is beginning to rise. I walked into Mortimer's room and talked with him, there were the three normal options plus one that said:
|Turn In Quest|
I did such and gave Mortimer the three Shiverthorn plants. He said "Excellent, adventurer, now that you have brought me the plants you may peruse the winter section.
I exited the conversation and tapped the shop button. The new items I could see were: an orange potion that made you take less damage from cold sources that costs ten silver, a pair of skates that cost three gold per pair, a frozen sword that shot a beam that costs two gold per blade and a boomerang that chills
that costs three gold.
I decided to buy a Piggy Bank and an Ice Blade. I also buy five Warmth Potions. I exited out and went to the guest room. I placed the reality-warping item on the workbench and got to crafting. I made Boreal Wood armor and a hammer. I go back to Mortimer. I hit the next quest button.
"Hello Noble Terrarian, new sources reveal that the windigoes are the cause of the cold, my next quest requires five windigo teeth. Be wary, if you defeat five windigo infants you will draw the Windigo Matriarch towards you. She is stronger than the rest," great, first boss battle. "Once you complete this quest you will gain four gold coins, a Windigo Child Flail, a Windigo Net and be able to peruse my Windigo section,"
"Where are the adults?"
"Chasing the ponies. You won't find retribution except for the Matriarch." alright.
I exit and put my money inside of the piggy bank. I leave the cave. The creatures are out and about. I don't see any windigoes. I look straight up. About twenty blocks, or forty feet if you don't know I saw tiny little clear versions of wyverns. They were cute as well as terrifying. I mounted Thermite and got the attention of five of them. Thermite melted all of them and I dismounted. I collected all of the loot. I got the five Windigo Fangs as well as something called an Ice Jewel.
Five messages popped up in the air in front of me.
The Matriarch feels her loss.
The Matriarch writhes in pain.
The Matriarch wants your suffering.
The Matriarch is enraged!
The Windigo Matriarch has Awoken!
Well, fuck. Looks like I'm dead. She appears a few meters away and starts flying at me. I quickly drink a Warmth Potion to try and stop me dying. She attacked me with... ice breath? It only did two damage per hit but turned into Windigo Infants. I used my Ice Blade because face it, it won't reduce the damage. I tried to mount but a warning message popped up; 'Must mount before boss battle.' Damn it. Upon my first hit it did forty damage with that annoying 'Critical Hit!' I also found out that she had three thousand life. I spent at leat five hours fighting the matriarch and her spawn and I had to pop another warmth potion. Once I got her down to about four hundred life I decided enough was enough and swung the blade with more force than I thought I possessed and a different noise played. 'OMEGA CRITICAL HIT!!!' a tutorial popped up.
'Whenever you get critical hits there is a one in one hundred chance you will do an omega critical hit. Omega critical hits multiply the weapon damage by twenty before defence.
|Close|
When I closed the tutorial the absurdly big Windigo was fading away. In her place was a bag of loot. I picked it up, it's name was Windigo Matriarch Treasure Bag...
...
...
...
Oh hells yes! I'm in expert mode! I can get amazing items. I can get the Demon Heart! I can get the Worm Scarf! I can get the Brain of Confusion! Yes! But... I have to fave the bosses first... ah, damn it. I head back home with my loot.
After more eskimo zomponies and slimes I get back home. I go back to Mortimer and turn in the quest. "I see you defeated the Matriarch. Have you opened the treasure bag yet? Either way here's the money and the items."
Acquired the Windigo Net and the Windigo Child Flail "What the fuck?!?"
" The flail is a weapon that deals more damage to the Windigo Matriarch and Chaotic Good or higher alignments." I'm just gonna leave this now... "The net is an item that fills in charges. Kill five more Windigo children and the net will be charged. Defeat a Windigo Matriarch again withthe Windigo Soul Net and you will gain an item you didn't last time." Ah, damn it, I have to face her again. I looked through the windigo section. Windigo Wristband? All Windigo Items are 15% better except this one. Summoned Windigoes are transformed into Youthful Windigoes Shit... I want it. Four Gold! Damn... I want it... It's bought. It became a Lucky Windigo Wristband. I equipped it. My flail gained more damage, size and speed,(somehow, normal Terrarian flails can't get bigger or faster) crit chance, and knockback... fuck, Matriarch's gonna die.
I go to my room and put the rest of my money in the piggy bank. Finally, I opened the Windigo Matriarch Treasure Bag. I got a gold piece at the beginning. A deluge of Windigo items flooded out. The first item was a Frozen Crown. Windigoes do not attack you. Next up was a saddle decorated with ice jewels. A Windigo Saddle. Windigo can fly fast but slows to a crawl on land. Alright... next up were two pieces of Windigo Tamer Armor, the helmet and the boots. **Helmet:* +2% windigo damage Greaves: +three percent windigo damage. After that was a *Magical Winter Condenser** and a Winter Magic Gun. I placed the two pieces of armor inside my piggybank, along with the magic gun. I placed the Condenser on the ground in a corner. I went into my crafting menu. Ah... this is like the Solidifier from Terraria. Finally knowing what the teeth were, I made some torches and went to talk with Mortimer.
As I went to the merchant I was thinking that I should buy an anvil. I bought one and went to my room. I placed it into my room. I went in the crafting menu, the Frozen Crown and the Ice Jewel made something called: Hmmm... Crown of the Frozen North Windigoes aid you in battle.I love it! I went to my bed because the boss battle took a lot out of me. The last thing I remembered was my head hitting the pillow.
