Dear Diary, Today i failed suicide.

by pro3

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Sad, Dark
Length: 14030

A girl thinking about committing suicide before shes transported to Equestria.

!!Warning!! Contains! [spoiler]Sex, Sexual Assault and Suicide![/spoiler]
This story goes into really dark themes that made me, The author have suicidal thoughts and should not be read by anyone who has dark thoughts, dealing with depression, afraid of death or annyone who can't take gore or sex!!!

The dark themes in the backstories is real life things that have happened! I apologize in advance to anyone who have experienced what i have and take offence to this or if this story makes anyone depressed!

Also the timeline of when stuff happened in real life and when it happens in the story is not going to be in sync to not make the story to dark(Or messed up).
Also the personality of the main character Sarah is not how my personality works, i am way more messed up :pinkiecrazy: and do not think about suicide :yay: (Anymore:pinkiesad2:).
I mainly wanted to try and think how other people with other personalitys would react to what i have experienced with a little of Equestrian crazy in the mix. (Is that messed up?)

Now, the actual story!

Sarah a 19 year old girl who have dealth with depression and other horible things has finaly had enough. Now here she is, standin on the roof of a two hundred meter tall building and looking down to her demise. But the universe likes to mess with people. Or more directly, chaos gods likes to mess with people.
But Sarah does not know that.

This story is about Sarah and her life in equestria after dealing with a failed suicide attempt, Celestia dealing with the grusome thought about someone trying to commit suicide. and Luna just being luna.

This will all be read from a jurnal view.

Also a huge thanks to the awesome Tybahza for helping me write and being a proof reader!

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-15 21:31:37 UTC

2 Sleep now

"Oh my fucking god! Aaaaahhh!" I scream as im falling down fast from the sky, and i can see the ground catching up to me at an insane speed.

I must have been five hundred meters in the air when i started dropping and it seems im gonna keep falling until the ground says hello. And i really thought i would be better prepeard for the fall when it happened, but i guess being taken by surprise messed up my whole plan of being calm durring the drop.

Iv been falling for around tree hundred meters now and would be bracing myself for the fall if i werent screaming in terror of my oncoming doom.

And just as im about to hit the ground i sudenly feel a sharp pain in my side as cyan blur hits me with a speed equal to the one im falling at.

"Don't worry! Rainbow Dash got you!" A now visible pegasus horse with rainbow colored hair tells me proudly and slows down in the air slowly comming to a halt.

"What the fuck!?" I yell and try to kick lose from the semingly imposible talking mythical creature holding me.

"Hey hey! Relax! Im just trying to save you!" It yells and grabs onto me harder with an insane strength that is crushing out all the air in me.

"Agh! Air!" I choke out to get it to release it's death grip.

"Il relax if you stop kicking!" I nod fast and firmly to stop it from killing me.

"Good." It says before starting to descend to the ground, and close to what i can make out to be a town of some kind with the most colorfull houses iv ever seen.

After getting over the fact that im not dying anymore im starting to take in everything thats hapening now. Saved by a colorfull cyan pegasus with rainbow striped short hair and a tomboyish female voice, so il asume it's a female for now. And i also herd the name Rainbow Dash in there. 'What the hell? What kind of a name is Rainbow Dash?'

We land on the ground and she releases me from her grip on the grass about thirty meters from the town and really close to a house that looks like it was made around a tree so the roof is the leaves on top and a small river next to it.

But with the panic still in my head and the fact that this imposible creature that talks is stanind in front of me, i push myself away in a sitting position with my legs and with the most paniced look i can muster on face. She responds with tilting her head to the side and looking at me with worry written all over her face, and then walks a step closer.

I grab the closest and ofcourse is the smalest stick i can grab and point it at her in a phatatic excuse of a thretening stanse.

"S-s-stay back!" I yell at her and flail the stick around to keep her away. And for now it seems to be working.

"Wow there! Relax! Im not going to hurt ya, alright?" She says with consern clearly present in her voice.

But with how paniced i am and with so many thought running trough my head right now i don't respond and instead try to push myself further away, but ofcourse i diden't notice the gigantic boulder right behind me.

We stand there for a while, her trying to get alittle closer but me pushing the stick her way everytime she does, and the builder is around five meters in diameter so i can't push myself further away before she will probebly do something drastic to catch me, like slam me into the rock or something.

"Oh shot, i wish Fluttershy where home! She would know how to deal with this situation!" Rainbow Dash says in a frustrated voice.

"Well howdy Rainbow! What you doin over there?" A new horse shows up, but without wings. So i asume this is just a normal horse, or pony. Its way to small to be a horse.

She's a orange color with a cowboy hat and a strong hillbilly accent, and some rope tied up on her back. 'That can become a problem...'

"Hey Applejack! Iv got a hurt creature here that won't let me near it! I don't know what to do!" Rainbow Dash yells over to her but keeping her eyes at me.

"A creature you say? What happend to it?" The new pony asks back and comes closer, finally spotting me.

"It fell." Rainbow Dash states simply, giving a sidways look over to the orange pony now standing next to her.

"Iv never seen anything like this Rainbow! I think we should get Twilight!" The new pony named Applejack looks over me with a raised eyebrow.

"Your right, il fly over quick and have it done in ten secound flat! Can you look over it for now Aj?" Rainbow Dash askes before getting ready to fly.

"Sure thing partner! But you dont know who owns it?" Applejack asks back before looking over me again, scanning me and i asume shes trying to see if she remembers some kind of creature like me.

"All i know is that it fell from the sky and i catched it before it hit the ground." Rainbow Dash states before taking of to god knows where at an insane speed.

She dosen't do anything else than look at me for the time shes here, giving me looks of sympathy and looking very thoughtfull. So after what feels like an eternity of waiting, its even starting to get dark.

She comes walking back with a new pony, only this one has a horn. So a unicorn, and is a purple color with purple striped hair, or mane.

"See Twilight! I wasent lying! Just look at it, that is strange and you can't deny it!" Rainbow Dash states when they arive and the new ariveded pony named Twilight stares at me with wide eyes.

"Rainbow! Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh! This a human! You found a human!" Twilight informs her friend almost jumping in joy of the newfound discovery.

"Wait what!? The creatures that died of milions of years ago!?" Rainbow Dash asks looking back at Twilight with eyes wide and jaw down.

"Thats right! The anatomy is correct! But from the books they where suposed to be civil, higly inteligent and wear clothes at all times... So the question is if this one is sapient..." Twilight says looking toughtfull at the new discovery.

"Eh, it talked and nodded when i asked her to stop trying to getting lose from my grip houndred meters in the air, i think thats what sapient means right?" She askes with a embaresed look on her face.

"It talked!? What did it say!?" She askes with a overly happy look on her face.

"Ehm, sorry to interupt your little chat sugarcubes but it looks pretty sad and sems to have been crying, i think thats more important than science right now, right?" Applejack says speking up, ending the smal conversation betwen her friends.

"Oh! Right!" Twilight answers looking over to me.

While all of this is hapening thought about the situation is burning trough my mind like a wildfire. 'What the hell is going on!? I failed my suicide atempt! And now im millions of years in the future! Oh god... Everyone i know is dead! Mom! Dad! Alex!... I-i.. I thought that once i was dead i wouldent have to deal with more death! And here i am! Dealing with the death of the human race! Oh god... They all dead... all dead..." The tears is starting to stream down again now. Thinking about all these horible things is bringing up to much feelings in me. More feeling than i can handle.

"Ehm,.. are you alright?" A silent voice asks me, snapping me out of my thought train.

I look up and stare right into a green set of eyes with a tint of blue to them, making me recoil alittle and relise i don't have the stick anymore.

But looking into those conserned looking eyes wich is owned by a new yellow pegasus with pink hair is way to relaxing for unknown resons.

Its almost like the eyes are telling me that i will never feel pain again.

Like all my strugles are over.

Like i can just sleep now and let it all be over.

So i fall asleep.

3 Memories

"I don't know... this seems weird..." I say to the tall man standing around a head taller than me. "Hey, just do it and it will be over soon, alright? Just remember the plan, pull away if any cars come driving down the road." The tall man says before he unbuttons his pants and lets them drop to the dirt road.

"I-i.. I don't know if this is a good idea..." I say with a slightly panicked voice and I can feel my heart start to beat faster.

Just as I am about to go into full panic mode he grabs me by my hair and pushes me forwards.

I awake abruptly and I am greeted by the darkness of the room I'm sleeping in. My heart is pounding hard in my chest and a cold sweat is dripping down my body. I start to relax in the soft bed, so I lay still and try to go back to sleep.

But as soon as I am about to close my eyes I hear the door to the room slowly open, which is strange because everyone in my family knows not to open it without knocking first because of my condition. So this must be someone else.

        “The Human is in here Twilight, but please be gentle, umm, that is if you don’t mind” Says someone in a shy voice.

With panic rising in my chest I sit up stare at the door and hold the blanket over me like some kind of shield.

The same yellow pegasus I saw yesterday walked trough the door with the unicorn whose name I presume is Twilight, following her.

"Oh my, I didn't mean to scare you." The yellow one answers in a shy and the most gentle voice I have ever heard, while stepping inside the room. Twilight follows a meter behind her and now is also inside the room, looking at me curiously.

"Ehm, could you tell me if you are alright?.. If you don't mind that is." The pegasus asks in a tone that is so unbearably cute I just want to just hug her and never let go.

Still a little shocked over the whole talking ponies situation I try to force out an answer.

"I-im.. O-ok." I manage to force out, letting the two ponies in the room know i am intelligent. To my surprise, Twilight floats out a small note and a quill and writes something down.

'Holy shit! How is she making that paper float!? Is it some kind of magic?! But that doesn't exist!' Twilight looks over to me and sees me staring at her in awe and wonder, seemingly understanding why. "Oh right! In the books humans didn't have magic, right?" She askes me and to which I give a simple nod.

"Oh my, I almost forgot. Are you hungry?" The pegasus asks me, and I don't even get to answer before my body is reminded of my hunger and yells at them itself, making me blush.

They both give me a soft giggle and Twilight walks out of the room yelling what I think is a name, “Spike”. And when the door finally closes the pegasus takes a step closer to me. "Ehm, my name is Fluttershy." She tells me, hiding her face behind her pink hair. "Could you tell me your name? If you don't mind.." She asks me and tries to hide her shyness from me.

“I-i, w-what?” I stutter and just as I am about to answer the door opens revealing Twilight floating over a bowl of what i think is a salad. “Fluttershy, we don't even know if humans had names.” Twilight says as she puts the bowl next to me revealing that it holds salad, cheese some dressing and a.. white flower? And of course no fork.

I look over the food for a second before i use my finger to lift up a salad leaf and put it in my mouth. When I take the first bite I notice that it isn't salad at all, it's an actual leaf, and so I do the one logical thing any human would do after eating a leaf. I cough it out like it was poison trying to force itself down my throat.

I put the bowl away and let out a sigh. “Oh my, didn't you like the food?” Fluttershy asks me with a worried expression. Not knowing how to explain the situation of me being an omnivore to these ponies I end up not managing to say much else than. “I.. eh..” Before Twilight floats the bowl away again. “Thats okay, we have other food, right Fluttershy?” Twilight asks her friend. “Yes of course.” she answers.

“Do you know anything edible we might have for you here?” Twilight asks me, and the only thing I know for sure that they have is cheese because it was in the salad she gave me.

“Ehm… C-cheese?” I ask in a quiet voice. “Oh! Yes! Cheese! I’ll get cheese.” Twilight says, seeming a little stressed by the whole situation, so she leaves the room quickly yelling the same name again, “Spike!”.

We wait for a while but she doesn't seem to come back yet, so me and Fluttershy are forced to stay there in awkward silence for a while before i decide it would be best to break it. “S-Sarah.” I say silently, startling Fluttershy. “Huh?” She answers back to me. “M-my name… It’s Sarah…”

“Oh! nice to meet you Sarah.” Fluttershy answers me, making me look away to the side. I never thought anyone could be as shy as I am. And just as I'm finished thinking about that for now the door opens again, revealing Twilight floating a big block of cheese with what i assume is bread folded in a cloth next to it.

She levitates it over to me, and i'm still really freaked out about the magic part of this so I tighten my grip on the cover that is still over me where I sit. “T-thank you.” I say is I grab the plate and reveal that it actually was bread covered in cloth, so I break off a piece and grab the cheese in my other hand. And in a rhythm I take a bite of each and continue until it’s halfway gone. Twilight is standing there waiting for me to finish eating, and it looks like she wants to ask me something. Fluttershy on the other hand is really intrigued by the way i'm eating, it seems like she's trying to figure something out.

I have eaten almost everything now so I put it down letting Twilight float it away from me. “Do you feel a little better now?” Twilight asks me.

“Y-yes, thank you.” I manage to say a little clearer now due to the fact that I have had some time to calm down and gotten some food in me, food always seems to calm me down.

“Is it okay if I ask you some questions then?” Twilight says in a hopeful voice and looking over to me with her head slightly tilted.

“A-alright.” I say, and just as i’m finished talking Twilight gets the widest smile i have ever seen, almost making me freak out about how wide that smile is.

“You are a human right?” Twilight asks me. “Yeah, I am.” I answer, now warming up a little to the talking ponies. I’m not stuttering anymore, and that seems to make Fluttershy happy.

“What do humans eat exactly? If you don’t mind answering that is.” Fluttershy asks me almost too quick and quiet for me to hear.

And here comes the question I didn't want to answer, since they are ponies they are obviously herbivores and I only got that confirmed when they served me leafs and flowers, so I can’t answer that question truthfully without freaking them out.

“Fruits and dairy product.” I answer quickly, and thankfully these ponies doesn't pick up on my lie.

And after that the questions just kept coming, most of them about humans, questions like how many there were of us, about my biology, which i was wasen’t comfortable to answer all the questions she asked me, and a few about daily human routines.

After an hour of question answering I end up asking some questions myself. “So, whats up with the magic? It seems so unreal to have it happen before me when all my life I believed it was only fairytales.” I say with a very skeptical  tone to my voice, it’s still hard to believe something like this exist but with everything that's happening now I can’t understand myself how well I'm coping with everything. But I have a feeling that when I finally relax and settle down more, it’s gonna bite me in the ass.

“It’s actually really simple! You see, all living things have something named mana particles in them, but only a few races can use their mana at will, unicorns can manipulate it through their horns and use it like an extra arm, so the magic works as long as nothing is between the ones using it and the thing they want to levitate. Pegasus have an enchantment in their mana making them lighter for flight, earth ponies has the mana surrounding their bones making them more durable and stronger. Some scholars like Starswirl The Bearded believed that the reason humans were so advanced was because the mana is in their brain, making them understand and process things faster than other races.” Twilight explain, and damn that made a lot more sense than I believed it would.

“Wow, thanks for explaining that. it made a lot more sense than I believed it would” I explain to Twilight. Twilight seems to think about something for a second with her eyes staring off into nothingness. “Oh! I never got to ask if humans have names!” She says when she snaps out of her staring state. “My names Sarah, and I already kn-” That's as far as I can get before the door slams open revealing a purple reptile thing, making me shriek in fear. “Twilight! Message from the princ… Is that the homan you were talking about?” The reptile asks Twilight which makes her glare at him with a death stare. “Spike! I said not to interrupt us before we made sure Sarah was ok! And it’s human! Not homan!” She yells at the reptile named Spike, which only makes his head tilt to the side. “Sorry, Spike. I’m just so worked up right now with this new Human discovery , I didn’t mean to lash out. Can I see that letter?”  “Sure, apology accepted!” Spike answers.

Twilight reads the scroll, and her eyes slowly grow into a panicked stare as she keeps on reading. “Oh no! I have to leave the room for a minute. Im sorry!” She says quickly. “That’s alright Twilight, i’m sure me and Sarah here can figure out something to do.” She says with a small smile reassuring her friend. “Alright, thanks Fluttershy, i'll be back soon.” Twilight says before leaving the room, leaving me and Fluttershy alone for the awkward silence to embrace us.

Just as i’m about to break the awkwardness the door flies open, revealing a very stress Twilight.

“Fluttershy!.. You need to stay here and watch Sarah for a while! It seems like something is wrong with Discord and princess Celestia wanted me to help figuring out what's wrong with him!” Twilight says in a panicked voice before running out and slamming the door.

“Ehm, is it normal that there is so many things happening at once here?” I question Fluttershy who is now looking a little more worried, she only responds with a simple nod.

4 Changes

The day goes by in silence, except for a few questions from Fluttershy about how I’m holding up, but I’m far from comfortable to discuss this with the recently met ponies here, so I answer with a nod and silent ‘Yeah.’

I later learned that I’m at Fluttershy's house, the one I landed closes to near the forest, and Spike, the lizard thing, left when Twilight did.

I look outside the window of my room on the second floor and stare at the sun setting over the village in the distance and let my mind wander. “How did it end up like this?” I say with a sigh. “I just wanted it to stop.” I let my head fall into my hands with another sigh.

“What do you mean?” I jump at the realization that I said that out loud and feel the blood drain from my face. Fluttershy must have come to the realization of what I meant because of how I reacted to her question. “Oh my…” She says as her eyes going wide.

“S-s-stay r-right here. I’m going to b-be right back.” She runs away while making a ‘Eep’ noise. I fall limp on the bed, cursing myself for being so stupid. “I find someone who makes me feel safe and I manage to scare them away! How stupid can I get!” I yell at myself and feel the tears drip down my cheeks. I lay there for what feels like an hour, just cursing myself for my stupidity. But not long after sleep takes over and I fall into the darkness.

“You're worthless.” A dark feminine voice says in the darkness as my eyes shoot open.

“Wh-what?” I say as I sit up in my bed.

“You can’t even befriend the kindest of these ponies… Pathetic.” The voice says in a mocking thone.

“W-what? B-but..” I don’t get to finish before the gentle voice of Fluttershy speaks up.

“Oh, I’m sorry, did I wake you?” The lights turn on and I spin my head around to look over to Fluttershy who is now standing there in the doorway with a new pink pony with a puffy pink mane and a big smile next to her.

“N-no.. just a dream.” I tell her as I look away to the side. I don’t want to tell her I’m hearing voices to now, which would probably scare her to. “Oh, alright. I got some cake in the kitchen. Do you want some?” Fluttershy asks me with a small smile on her face. “Yup! It's the best cake ever! I made it specially for you!” The pink mare yells out while jumping on the spot.

“W-what?” Is the only thing I can muster out with how surprised I am about all of this.

“And then when I heard about a Human being in Equestria I was all like-” said the pink mare who was making an extremely exaggerated gasp at the moment. “so I just knew I had to throw a party for you! Especially after Fluttershy said you tried to kill yourself!” I was so amazed for a second with how the pink mare, whose name is Pinkie Pie, spoke for two minutes in just one breath to realise she just brought up my suicide attempt. “Pinkie!” Fluttershy said in a stern tone. “I said not to bring that up!” I feel my heart sink as I recall the events from the past couple days. Both the ponies seem to notice this and walk over to me. “There there, we’ll help you through this.” Fluttershy says giving me that adorable, yet safe look with her eyes. I began to feel peaceful, that was until a giant explosion struck the cottage.

“HOLY SHIT!” I scream as I tackle Fluttershy under the table for her safety. I hear giggling and see confetti all over the cottage. There’s also the distinct smell of frosting. I look at Pinkie with a confused look and she says while prancing around the room. “Ha ha silly! It’s just my Party Cannon!” I decide to not dwell on it and remember Fluttershy. “Oh my god, Fluttershy are you ok?” After a moment of silence the yellow mare replied, “Yes I'm ok. I'm  so sorry we scared you, it’s just Pinkie Pie, you’ll get used to it eventually.”

I shrug as I regain my posture and sit down in the bed again and let out a sigh. “You said something about food?” I ask to no one in particular. “Yes! I’m getting the cake! I just know you’re going to love it!” Pinkie say in excitement before she runs out the door with speed I almost can’t follow with my eyes. “Uh, I don’t think I will ever get used to someone with so much energy in them.” I say with a sigh.

“How long did I sleep by the way?” I ask Fluttershy as I look out to the cloudy day outside. “Oh, about fourteen hours.” Fluttershy points out casually. “Oh, oh well, I gue…. fourteen hours!? How did I sleep that long!?” I practically yell out, not noticing that Fluttershy is shying away by every word I yell out. I let out a sigh. “..Sorry, I’m just a little.. Stressed.” I say while looking away from Fluttershy. “It’s alright, you must have been through something horrible… You just need some time, me and all my friends will help when you have calmed down a little.” I can only give a small smile to her when she says that. “You're a good pony Fluttershy.” I say right before the door slams open and Pinkie runs in with a cake piece on a plate balanced on her head. “Be careful!” Is all I can manage to say before she tumbles over and i get cake all over my body.

I sigh and let out a small chuckle “At least it tastes good.” I lick a small cake piece away from lip and eat it. “I assume you have shower here?” Fluttershy nods at my question and just as I am about to get up I’m bombarded by apologies from Pinkie Pie. “I am soooo sorry Sarah! I thought I was going to be okay! But then my tail twitched! So I tried to get out of the way, but then I realized it was you! It’s almost like this was planned by some kind of twisted au...” She rambles on before I put a finger on her lip to make her stop. “Pinkie!.. It’s okay, it’s just some cake.” I reassure her before I get up from the bed. “Where did you say the shower was Fluttershy?” I ask her, and she points to the door right in front of this one.

I walk into the bathroom and close the door only to realize there is no key or lock to the door. “They know I’m in here.” I say out loud before I walk over to the mirror. I stare at myself for a minute in silence before I look down at my hand holding the sink. “It’s only going to turn out badly again.” I look up in a quick motion at my reflection, only to see it staring back at me with a smile and eyes black as the void. I stumble backwards and fall down as I let out a frightened yelp.

I look up again with some hesitation to see that my reflection is back to normal. “W-what?” I say out loud and feel a cold sweat drip down my head. “I-I’m just tired…” I say out loud and ready myself to get into the shower. “Right, no clothes.” I say with a frustrated sigh. ‘I’m taking being naked around others better than I thought I would.’ I think to myself. After a minute of looking around to see if she has the right types of soap only to realize that when I find one… They don’t write in English… “That’s just unfair…” I sigh as I turn on the water and let it become hot before I get in.

I stand in the shower as I experiment with the different kinds of soap to get the best out of it as I look over my body. “How am I going to get clothes to fit me here… That’s going to be expensive..” I sigh as I start to scrub the shampoo In on my upper body, and look down to my breasts. “Why did you never grow bigger than B’s? Stupid boobs.” I say with a small laugh

I finish cleaning myself and reach for the towel, only to grab… skin? I get get the water out of my eyes before I open them to see… I fall back into the shower with a high pitched scream. “W-what the hell!? Was that a woman!?” I look over to the place where I swear I saw a black haired girl staring at me.. smiling. I’m starting to hyperventilate as the door is opened and Fluttershy rushes in with Pinkie… and is that Twilight? “Sarah! Are you okay!?” Fluttershy asks me as she looks over my hyperventilating body. Twilight knows what to do and floats over a bag from one of the drawers and plants it over my lips, so I grab it and breath into it. After breathing into it for a while I manage to relax and regain my posture. “T-thank’s.. It’s just my mind playing tricks on me” I say with a shaky voice. “Are you sure you are ok? You look pretty shaken up.” Twilight says from behind me. “..Yeah. I just need some food and bed rest.” Twilight nods and motions for Pinkie and Fluttershy to move so I can get some space to dry myself off.

I grab the towel as the ponies stand outside of the room and wait for me to get dry and ready. I get as dry as possible and walk into the hallway where the ponies are now waiting with the stairs going down. “Ready for cake?” Pinkie asks with a big smile on her face. I nod and follow them down.

“That’s a cake if I ever saw one!” That cake was huge! It’s almost as big as one of the ponies so I can’t do anything else than stare at it with my jaw hanging down. “And you said that was for me?” I ask, trying to make sense of why someone would make a cake that big for someone they just met. “Yup! Yours and yours alone!” Pinkie says and gives me a huge smile.

‘I can’t remember last time someone was this nice to me. Of Course it’s always the frequent, ‘are you okay? I hope everythings better and bla bla bla’ but that was just words without meaning. This… This is someone showing that they would make something for you. This is someone wanting to show that they actually care. With the small piece I got before I didn't think it was something this big.

I don’t know how long I just stood there looking at the cake, but it must have been a while since I felt someone poke at my leg making me look down at Fluttershy smiling at me. I didn't even realize I had shed a few tears. “Thank you.” I say while giving them a soft smile.

We sit down to eat as Pinkie leaves the room for a minute. “So Sarah, I have some news you might want to hear.” Twilight points out when we all get a piece to eat. I answer with a small “Hmm?” Sound while chewing a spoonful of cake after finding out they use silverware at special occasions. “It seems like Princess Celestia wants to meet you personally! Isn't that great!” Twilight lets out a happy giggle as she eats some cake herself, just as I almost choke on mine. “What!?” I yell out with a confused look on my face, only making them giggle more. “The Princess!? What does she want with me?” I ask with the confusion still very visible.

“Surprise!” Yells four female voices from behind me, making me jump. “What the hell?!” Pinkie is immediately up in my face giggling and smiling at me. “This is a welcome to Ponyville party just for you!” She says excitedly before she's dragged away from me by a rope around her tail. “Sugarcube, don’t be scarin the poor human now.” The pony I remember from before named Applejack says to Pinkie.

All the ponies I've seen while being here is now in the room, with an extra I haven’t seen before. She’s a white unicorn with a purple mane. “So,” Twilight speaks up. “this is all of my friends, I thought I would have them all met you! My friends are your friends!” The only thing I can think of in this situation is if Fluttershy told them all about my suicide attempt, which I can only assume she did. I don’t like that she did it, but I don’t blame her. She didn't mean anything bad.

“Ehm, hi?” I say awkwardly. “Gosh darn! Ah wasn't really sure if Rainbow had hit her head when she said you talked!” Applejack says with a laugh and extends her hoof for me to shake. Which I end up regretting that I grabbed when she almost dislocated my shoulder from the insane strength in her shake. “Applejack darling! Be careful!” The white one speaks up and drags Applejack away with her magic. “I’m sorry but she can be a little.. uncouth. Anyways I am Rarity.” She says to me with a small smile. “I'm Sarah, nice to meet you.” I say with a small smile to Rarity.” When our little name exchange is over, they start with saying their names. “Ah'm Applejack! Owner of Sweet Apple Acres!” She says with pride, before Rainbow Dash jumps into the air. “And I’m Rainbow Dash! Fastest flyer in Equestria! But you can call me Rainbow.” This time it’s Twilights time to say something. “Did we forget anypony?” She asks out loud. “I remember the names of the rest of you, so no worries if we did.” I answer to her.

“Good, now that we got that out of the way, let’s party!” Pinkie yells making not only me, but everyone in the room confused before she drags out a table on wheels with different kinds of pastries and a bowl of punch. “I guess we are partying then?” I ask out loud, getting some giggle from the mares in the room.

The party went well. I chatted with the mares, ate different foods and drank alcohol free punch. It was a relaxing party and a good way to let out some steam after the last few days of craziness.

But as the night dragged on, it got dark outside and all the mares except for Fluttershy and Twilight left to go to their homes. I let out a happy sigh and tell them I’m going to bed, so they give me a small smile and nods in response before I leave to the room I woke up in.

“Today has been a good day.” I say to myself as I lay down in the bed to get some sleep. After a few minutes of laying there I can feel sleeps embrace trying to take a hold of me, and so I slowly fall asleep.

I look around and see that I am surrounded by gray broken down brick walls surrounding me.

“Where am I?” I ask out loud not expecting the answer I was about to get.

“In your mind.” A way to familiar and terrifying voice speaks up making me turn around and stare at a girl that looks like a copy of me only with pale skin.

I take a step backwards out of instinct and fear. “W-who are you?”

In return the girl slowly forms a smile on her lips as her eyes grow blacker and blacker until her eyes look like holes into the void itself. She stand there for a while before she lets out a giggle.

“I’m you.” She says in an echoed voice as she stops smiling.

“M-me?” I can feel my fear growing, ‘what is that thing? It can’t be me, there is no way that’s me.’ I think to myself as I start to sweat. She walks a few steps over to me, and I take one backwards.

“You have no need to be afraid Sarah.” She states while taking a few more steps towards me, now standing around five meters from me.

I try to run, but my legs won’t move.

“You shouldn't fear yourself Sarah.” She takes a few more steps forwards.

I’m now in full panic mode, I try to do everything I can to get away, but I still can’t move, I scream and yell at her to get away as I throw my arms around to see if I can tip myself over.. “Get away! don’t get any closer! GET AWAY!”

“I am here to protect you Sarah.” A few more steps, now standing in front of me.

The panic has taken control over my body as I get ready to punch her.

She puts a hand on my shoulder.

I stare at her in confusion, my drive to hit her has died down and I look into her eyes.

“I, will, make you strong… Sarah.” She says before turning around and disappearing into the shadows close to wall on my right.

Confusion.

I can only feel confusion now. No fear. No panic. No anger… and no happiness.

When she touched my shoulder, it was like she drained me of emotions. She drained my emotions, and replaced it with a drive.

A drive to find something.

Something hidden within me.

Where am I even now? I can’t see anything. I can move, but I’m floating, floating in darkness.

I would normally be scared now. I have always been afraid of not being able to see. But no, I just don’t care about that now. I have to find something. I don’t know what, but i have to find it.

It’s important for my mentality.

It’s important for my future.

And important for my survival.

… I've been floating here for what feels like hours now. But I don’t care, time is just time and it will be gone someday anyways.

I see a light in the distance. And it slowly comes closer, very slowly. And after a long while of waiting it comes into a distance so I can make out some more details.

Is this a memory? I look into the white light and see myself. Playing with some toys. I think I must have been eleven in this memory. But I can’t remember this.

I stare at myself playing with some dolls for a while as I hear the door open. The younger me looks up in wonder at the man standing in the door.

I can see her mouth move but I cannot hear anything.

They have been talking for a while, but I still have no idea about what.

I think I remember this memory now.

Oh no…

She has to get out of that room!

I try to yell at her to run, but I can’t make sounds.

It feels like I’m talking but I cannot hear myself speak.

But if she doesn't run now the man will catch her. She has to run!

I can only watch as the man grabs the girl by the throat, looking as pissed as ever.

I feel my anger rising in my chest as I see the figure holding down the girl, with a fist raised over her head, readying himself for the first punch.

This isn’t right. Someone must stop him… Why isn’t anyone stopping him!? There were people in the house that night! They could have stopped it!

I can only sit in silence as I watch the evil act happening before me. Punch after punch.

I grit my teeth and feel my face burn with heat from the anger I’m feeling now.

I can see her silent screams as she begs the man over her to stop.

I can remember begging him to stop. I begged him to stop… I begged. And then he laughed.

The anger is only growing to a point that I didn’t even think was possible.

It’s almost finished. He releases the girl and stands up, looking down at her broken body.

“If only you had power Sarah.” The same familiar voice echos in my head.

“If only… I had the power.” I feel an emptiness in my chest starting to grow.

“You could have done so much with that power.” The voice says, sounding more twisted and demonic by every word I hear.

I could have done so much…

You could have punished them!

Punish them…

“You could have ended them!”

Ended… them…

“You could have killed them!”

I could have killed them.

“You have that power!”

I do!

“You will kill them!”

I will! They will die!

“Kill every single one!”

They all need to die!

“Yes! Kill them! make them suf…”

“Sarah?”

I open my eyes to stare at Fluttershy and Twilight looking at me with worry. I let out a small “Huh?” as I sit up in the bed.

I feel broken, unclean. But I don’t know why, I was just sleeping, right?

“Ehm… Sarah?” I hear Twilight speak up, making me look over to her. “Y-yeah?” I ask her with a small sigh. I don’t know but I feel kind of empty now.

“look at your hands please…” Fluttershy asks softly. Which I do, and by god did I not expect what I saw. There is a dark aura covering my hands, dark see through with silver dots that look like a night sky surrounding my hands. And so I let out a yelp as I try to shake it off, only to send a wake of darkness into the floor, making it linger there for a few seconds before fading away, just as the shadow around my hands do the same.

“What was that!?” I yell as I look down at my hand with panic. “Don’t worry Sarah, it’s nothing that will hurt you. It’s just that your body have developed magic from your time here in Equestria.” Twilight informs me with a reassuring smile.

Magic? I can use magic?! “What? How? When?!” I yell out before I take a few slow and deep breath’s to calm myself. “I’m sorry, this is just really… new to me.” I say before looking away over to the window. “Also.. Sarah. We need to have a talk about magic and magic control later.” Twilight says as I give her a silent nod. “Not to be rude girls… but do you think I could have a moment?” I ask them while looking down to my hands before looking up again as they give me a nod and a small smile.

They leave the room as I lay down on the bed again and close my eyes.

Why do I feel so weird?  I wake up with this weird feeling of emptiness and see that i can use magic…. It doesn't make sense. Unless the emptiness is from me using magic? Some kind of magic loss… But that doesn’t make sense either. I felt like this from when I woke up, before I used that magic. Something isn't right here. But i feel good to.

I feel as I have found something I needed. As I have been reunited with an old friend. But I don’t know. This is all so weird to me, talking ponies, magic, hallucinations and voices in my head. Am I going crazy? Has it all been too much one me? Did I just go completely bonkers when I came here?.. Or before?

This all feels so unreal, but real at the same time. It shouldn't exist but I’m not dreaming, I can still feel pain.

I continue lying there for what feels like forever, just thinking. It’s mostly the same thoughts over and over again, but I just can’t make sense of any of this. It’s too unknown to me.

I hear a knock on the door, and to which I answer with a simple. “Yeah?”

“It’s Twilight, I brought some bread and fruit. I hoped we could talk about magic while you are eating.” Twilight says from behind the door, and so I stand up and open the door.

She floats the plate with bread, some grapes and a an apple next to where I sit down. “Want me to just start with the basics?” Twilight asks me as I chew on a grape. I nod to her and grab some bread next.

“Ok, so magic is categorized into five main categories, mental, arcane, elemental, dark and the unknown chaos magic. All races are born with one main type of magic, but some are born with two or even three! But some are more common for some races, like mental and arcane is mostly known to only be used by unicorns, but we still some have elemental users. But again only unicorns can use magic from birth and be aware of it. All races use magic daily, like earth ponies gets stronger and more hard boned from their magic, and pegasi get lighter. But with years of training, and usually enchanted tattoos that cover their hooves so even earth ponies and pegasi can use magic like unicorns, just not as powerful.” Twilight explains to me as I continue eating. “You still following?” She asks. “Yeah, just continue.” I say with a nod.

“Alright, let's go into the known users of magic that you will meet at least. We have Rainbow and Applejack who are elemental user’s even if they aren't aware of it themself. Then we have Fluttershy and Rarity who is mental magic users. and then there is Pinkie… She is an arcane magic user, but some speculate.. that she can use minor chaos magic… Which I personally find hard to believe. But I can also admit she has gotten me to rethink that sometimes.” She says with a giggle

 “Anyways, then we have me… I can use mental, arcane and elemental. And so far, the only other ponies to use all three are the princesses, but they can also use.. dark magic. Which brings me to you Sarah.” She says with a sigh, making me nervous. “You are one of the only ponies in Equestria that can use dark magic except for the princesses and a few more ponies and.. creatures.” I go wide eyes at the explanation. “Dark magic? Like evil magic?” I ask nervously, dreading the answer, which only gets Twilight to sigh. “It’s not evil, but it has the potential to be.” She explains. “Dark magic is known to try to corrupt their users if they aren't protected from it. Which is why the princesses sent me this amulet to give you to wear at all times.” She points out strictly. Revealing a silver chain with a light blue crystal formed as a hearth hanging from it.

I gulp as I slowly take it and put it around my neck, immediately feeling the emptiness fill. And wow that was a weird feeling.

“Of Course there is a catch to wearing the amulet Sarah.” She points out.

“Of Course there is.” I say with a sigh.

“When the amulet is on you cannot use any magic at all. And the longer you have it on, the stronger the magic will fight to take over when you take off the amulet.” She states, making a cold sweat form on my brow.

“When the magic takes over, it never lasts very long. You will regain control, but the time it takes will differ from pony to pony, maybe it will take a minute, maybe a day. But never forever. Usually it goes with how long it has been on.” She walks over to the bed before giving me a small hug. “I’m sorry I’m being so strict Sarah, but this is important.” Twilight says as she releases me from the hug.

“N-no, it’s okay, I understand why you are being so strict..” I say as Twilight let’s out a happy sigh and I can see her body relax. “Sorry, I guess I thought you would be more sad or angry at me for being so strict.” She says with an awkward giggle. Which only makes me giggle back at her.

We giggle for a while before Twilight speaks up. “You want me to stay or do you think you are okay?” She asks me while giving me a gentle smile.

“No, I’m good. Just need a shower and i'll be alright.” I say to her as I get up.

“Okay, good. Are you okay if we go out today and show you around town? We already had Pinkie inform them all that there was a human here, so they wouldn't freak out about seeing you.” She asks as she stands ready to leave out the door.

“Yeah, I guess it’s okay, just don't want people surrounding me in the town.” I say, making her nod and leave, giving me room to go to the shower.

I take a shower that last for about thirty minutes before I go downstairs to be greeted by Fluttershy and Twilight smiling at me.

“Ehm, before we leave, do you have a blanket or something like that I could borrow as a cape or a coat?” I ask awkwardly.

“Oh, yeah I think so. But why?.. if you don’t mind me asking.” Fluttershy asks me while hiding her face behind her hair.

“I-it’s kind of like a human embarrassment thing, after discovering we could use clothes for heat we started getting embarrassed by not wearing clothes after a some time, I don’t know the exact science behind it so don’t bother asking.” I state with a small blush. “To be honest I don’t really know how I went this long without clothes without dying of embarrassment. Must have been a part of the magic.” I say, getting a slow nod from Twilight. And just as I am about to start my ramble again, I notice Fluttershy poking me with a big black blanket. I thank her and grab the blanket and throw it around me so it looks like a robe without a hood.

“Alright, I’m ready to leave.” I say as I stand next to the door waiting for them.

Not long after we leave for the village.

The walk there goes in silence as I look over the scenery and how green and beautiful it’s here compared to what it was like before I got dragged into the future. And just like the walk to the village the walk in the village is filled with just as much silence, except for the small stops at all the different buildings, like Twilight oak tree library, where Pinkie works, a ridiculous looking pastry shop, with the roof looking like it was made out of gingerbread and frosting. Then there was Rarity’s Carousel Boutique before we went to the park to have a small picnic between us three.

We set up a small spot for the picnic area as Fluttershy puts down a basket full of different kinds of salad, fruits and flowers.

I grab an apple and look over to the forest in the distance.

“It’s really beautiful here compared to where I lived before.” I state as I scan the area around us.

“Oh, I know you would just love Canterlot then.” Twilight answers me with a warm smile. “Oh yeah, the castle garden is such a wonderful place.” Fluttershy says, only to get answered by Twilight. “The whole city is built into the mountain side. So the view over Equestria is amazing from there.” Twilight states. “Wow, sounds like a wonderful place.” I say as I get up.

“You two ok if I go for a five minute walk around the area to see some more of the scenery?” I ask. Twilight turned to me nodding, "Sure! We'll be right here!"

I walked over to the forest, breathing the fresh air. I walked farther in, noticing for the first time how dark it was. I hear a twig break behind me. My heart beats faster as it’s followed by footsteps. I quickly turn around to see a light blue mare with a purple wizard's hat on her head with a matching cape. I sigh in relief when I realize it’s only a pony standing there and not some bloodthirsty monster. “Wuh, you scar-” I get interrupted when the mare suddenly yells at me. “Beast of the everfree forest! I, The Great And Powerful Trixie, sense a dark magic in you! I will slay you and show ponyville how great my magic really is!” It takes a minute for me to register what she said, and I first assume it’s a joke. “Ahaha, very funny. If you want to prank some-” That’s all I get to say before I feel a strong force hit me in the stomach, pushing out all the air I had in my lungs. I struggle to breath as I lay on the ground holding my stomach in pain.

“This is no prank you foul beast! Quit playing around and show Trixie your magic!” She yells at me yet again. I struggle to get on my feet and catch my breath. “N-no! I’m not evil! Don-” Another blast of magic hit my leg making me spin around face first into the mud, making my robe fly off me.

I grab my face and let out a small yell in pain. “Trixie demands you to use your magic! You think that you are so good you can beat me without it!?” She yells at me from afar. And so I try to get up again. It takes a minute, but I get up and try to hold my hands in front of me to show that I mean no harm and don’t intend to attack so this crazy mare will stop fighting me.

I only assume she thought that I was about to attack her with my hand gesture since she responded with another magic blast, which I miraculously managed to dodge.  My "Fight or Flight" kicks in, so I do the most logical thing I could in that situation and ran. I tried to dodge behind some trees to get away from her blasts of magic, which actually worked like a charm. But now that I’m running she brought up her blast power a lot, the trees she's hitting instead of me has huge scorch marks in them, but that only makes me run faster, letting the panic take over my body.

I finally see the light of the end of the forest in front of me, and that is good. I don’t think I could have ran any longer now. “Trixie demands you to stop and fight! Fight like the beast you are! I will show ponyville my strength!”

I break through the treeline and see Twilight looking at me in confusion that slowly turns into worry as she sees that I’m hurt.

“Twilight! Help!” I yell as I run and hide behind a tree next to her. “What? Whats going on?! Why are you hurt!?” She yells over to me right as the crazy pony runs out into the open. “Trixie will not accept this! That was my beast to slay! Not yours Sparkle! Now I demand you to step away!”

Twilight looks over Trixie before her face turns into one of anger, showing me for the first time her angry side. “Beast!? Don’t you DARE call my friend ‘Sarah’ a beast!” She practically yells in the face of the crazy pony, making her back away.

“I suggest you leave the area fast before I call the guards and inform them about you attacking an Equestrian citizen! Or I will do stuff to you that not even Celestia herself would dare to do!” She yells at her with the anger only growing, it almost seemed like her mane started burning and her fur went white for a second there, but that must have been my imagination in the middle of all this craziness.

Trixie seems hesitant at first but ends up running away back into the forest where she came from.

Twilight takes a few breaths before she turns to me with a small smile. “Sorry you had to see that…” She apologises while looking down into the ground. So do the only thing I could think of as right, I sit down on my knees and hug her. “Thank you Twilight.” I say to her as I tighten my grip on her. It’s obvious that she doesn’t like to get angry, and it’s taking a toll on her.

I let out a pained yelp, as I feel the pain starting to grow. I think I must have broken something since the pain is only growing, and it’s growing fast.

“Twilight..?” I ask softly. She answers with a soft, “Huh?”

“Heh, I think I’m going to faint.” I state simply as I I let out a pained laugh only for it to turn into a cough after a short while. “What?” She asks with a confused look on her face, but before I can answer, the world becomes dark.

I open my eyes to see gray. Gray brick walls surrounding me in a huge room that reminds me of a ball room in a castle.

I look around for a while, wondering how i got here and why no one is here with me, I am sure I was sitting next to Twilight a moment ago.

This place seems strangely familiar, it makes my skin crawl and I feel like I want to run from here. But why? What is there here that I want to run from?

“That amulet won't work forever… Sarah.” A feminine voice states from behind me, making me spin around to get a better look. And I see myself, a pale skinned version of myself chained to the wall. “Who are you?” I question the person while my fear is silently growing inside of me.

“Are we really going to have this conversation again? Really?” She questions me with a bored look on her face. “There is no need for you to know... Sarah… Just remember, the amulet will not, hold, forever…” And with those words she gets dragged backwards into the wall and swallowed whole as the gap closes.

And so with her gone, I sit stand there in confusion to what just happened. What did she mean that it wouldn't hold? It will work as long as I won’t take it off. The magic can't become so strong that it breaks through, right?.. It can’t, I won't let it.

‘That magic is a danger to my friends. I cannot let it take over.

I have to keep it under control myself! This is my curse to bear and not theirs!

I will become strong enough to control it.

And just like that, I stand in darkness. All I can see is darkness around me. I think I am floating in the air, it feels like it at least. But that is not something to care about now. I have to be strong.

I open my eyes to see that I am in a bed. Surrounded by white wall. It’s all so blurry that I can only make out white.

“I think she is waking up doctor!” A familiar voice yells from my right. Shortly after a pony with light brown fur and what I think is a dark brown mane walks in.

“You are lucky Ms. Sarah to have such a strong magical regeneration in you, even with that magic cancellation amulet on you.” He states with a british accent as he walks next to me from where I heard the familiar pony speak. I let out a broken chuckle at his description.

“Oh, how rude of me. I am Doctor Whooves.” He states from where he stand.

I lay in bed as he goes trough some papers and looks me over. “How bad was the injuries doc?” I ask.

“You were found with a few broken ribs, heavy internal bleeding in your right shin and a twig was stuck in your side which had to be removed by surgery.” He states while going through some more papers.

“How long have I been out then?” I ask as I try to look his way only to be restrained by something holding my head in place.

“Ah yes, we apologize for that, I will have them removed immediately. You were trying to break free during the operation so we had to restrain you. And according to Ms. Sparkle we could not remove your magic dampening amulet for the sleep spell to work better.” He states as he walks around me, releasing me from all the different restraints I had holding me down.

“As for time... You have been here for around two days. Everypony left except for Ms. Fluttershy who is now asleep, and a mare I sadly can’t remember the name of. She is outside in the hallway, said she wanted to wait for a while before she came in and said hello.” He confirms as he removes the last restraint on my head.

“Doctor, why is everything so blurry?” I ask when he finishes. “That must be because of the concussion.  Also, you will be weak for a couple days due to blood loss. Ms. Twilight did not notice the twig before you had fainted, and by then you had already lost a lot of blood. It might take another day or two for your vision and strength to return to its normal state." When he finishes explaining that there is a knock on the door. “Excuse me for a second.” He says before he walks out the door.

I hear some chatting, but I cannot make out who it is except for the doctor. He walks in after a minute of silence and walked over to his previous spot. “Your guest had to leave, but she left a note for you to read when your vision gets back to normal. She sadly did not give me a name but i'll leave it on the table here for you.” He says as he walks a few steps. “Ms, Fluttershy. Your friend is awake.”

I can hear Fluttershy yawning and jump up after realizing what the doctor just said. “Sarah!” She yells in a quiet voice and quickly get to my side. “We were so worried when we heard what happened to you!”

She plants a hug on my chest which makes me let out a small ‘yelp’ in pain. “Fluttershy.. wounded here.” I say, making her release her grip of me quickly. “Sorry!” She apologises as I let out a small pained laugh. “No worries, you meant well.” I say with a small smile. “So, how has two days been without me?” I ask her.

“Oh, nothing has happened except for Twilight being worked up about something again.” And as if on cue the door opens revealing Twilight looking like she hasn't slept for days. “Fluttershy! It’s Discord again!” She yells over to where Fluttershy used to sit before she woke up. She looks around for a minute before she spots her, and drags her away with her magic, not noticing that I was there or awake, leaving both me and the doctor with the same confused look as we look at each other.

“I’m too tired to deal with this..” He exclaims as he throws his papers in the air and leaves the room. “What just happened?” I ask out loud to none.

I lay in bed and look through some magazines that they left her. Not that I understand them, since I can’t read Equestrian. So after a while of reading the door open again, revealing the doctor next to a nurse unicorn with yellow fur and a red mane holding a tray of food in her magic, which she levitates over to me on the bed. “Push the button next to your bed and I will collect the leftovers for you Ms.” She explains as she leaves me and the doctor before I can thank her for the food.

“Ms, Sarah. We have a visitor for you if you are interested?” He asks as he walks next to me with what sounds like more papers, but I’m not sure since I still can’t see. “Who wants to visit me?” I ask him as he finishes pacing around me. “She said that she didn't want to give a name. But she did say she was a friend of your’s.” He explains to me, making me a little nervous about letting this mare in. There is no way it is one of Twilight’s friends. They wouldn't try to get in anonymously. I think?

Being too unsure of this I tell him I wanted to get some sleep. Which he nods understandingly to, and leaves after a small checkup of my health and a few awkward close up checks.

And for what feels like hours I’m laying in the bed, slowly dying of boredom. I feel like I’m going to die if I don’t do something fun soon. Which is making me a little creeped out since I never was one to crave doing something fun this much. But so much has changed lately that I've just started to roll with it. And it works so much better than worrying all the time. Wish I could do this technique with all my fears too. Bye bye depression, but no. The world sadly doesn't work like that. It enjoys way too much to be a sadistic asshole. But what you gonna do I guess, you are just a piece in the world's game of insanity and boredom.

It’s getting dark now and neither Fluttershy, Twilight or the doctor have come back yet, so I lay down to actually get some sleep. Which proves to be impossible with how bored I am now. Every time I close my eyes to try and relax, my mind wanders to the craziest ideas that I would never even think of normally. Like trying to scare the doctors, hide to see their reactions when I’m not there… even take the amulet of to see what happens.

But I try to calm down. This isn’t like me, I would almost go so far to say that it isn’t me. But it is, I’m thinking it. Right?

Hours pass and it’s getting unbarable. My eyes have gotten better now but my hands are visibly shaking, I’m jumping at every little sudden noise I hear and I've started to play with everything I can find. I’m currently throwing a spoon up and down in the air. When there was nothing left of the magazine to play with, I started playing with this spoon like it was a thing to do. I’ve done this for an hour now. And I continue even after I hear the door open. I’m way too focused on this spoon to notice who walked in. But I do not care, this metal spoon is my world at the moment. And I have to continue throwing it.

I feel a poke on my arm but it will not break my concentration from this spoon. I don’t even remember the last time I blinked now, but it must have been a long time ago since my eyes are burning. But it won't break my concentration of the spoon. This spoon needs to be thrown.

I hear voices in the background. They are growing in volume and I feel someone grab me. I feel someone shaking me and I drop the spoon on the bed, but only for it to fall to the floor where it proceed to bounce a few times before it stops. I dropped the spoon, how could I drop the spoon? It was my one job to do. Keep the spoon in the air. How did I fail at that? I fail at spoon tossing. Who fails at that…

I can still continue. There is a fork next to me, if I just grab the fork I can continue. So that what I do, I raise my hand to grab the fork. But it’s shaking so much that it’s hard to grab. How can I not grab a fork? I need that fork. The voices in the room is getting frantic now. It’s kind of funny. I can’t help but laugh a little at how funny it looks. I forget about the fork as another pony enters the room. How many are there in here now? Five? Six? Doesn't matter, the new one that entered is way more interesting than the others here. She is taller than the others, complete with a white fur, flowing hair with shades of pink and blue, and has both wings and a horn, but the only reason I notice this is because she is standing directly in front of me with a sad look on her face and her horn glowing a golden glow. She points her horn at me and looks sad. Why does she look sad? Nothing is wrong, is it?

I see a golden glow coming from her horn which slowly extends and connects to my chest area. The glow grows until it covers my whole body, and the only thing I can think at the moment is, ‘This seems interesting.’

She seems to be concentrating intensely, but after a while she seems to give up as she looks over to Twilight whom I never noticed entered the room. She shakes her head and look down to the ground. Twilight seems to understand what she was supposed to do now since she grabs a small box and makes all of her friends stand in a circle around it. All of them putting on some kind of jewelry. All of Twilight’s friends put on necklaces and Twilight puts on a tiara.

They all stand in a circle around me as Twilight speaks to me. I can’t make out what she says but she waits for a moment after talking, probably waiting for an answer to what she said. And when I never answer she looks at the rest of the girl and give them a sad slow nod.

They all look saddened by the fact that I never answered. And stand ready to do something.

“They are going to hurt you.” A familiar voice tells me in an echoed voice.

“How could you possibly know that?” I ask her in my mind as I look over the mares. They look ready for something.

“Because I remember those jewelries, I don’t know how but I know they will hurt us. You need to stop them.” She says in an scared voice. She's actually scared, that's a first. I would laugh if my throat didn’t feel like sandpaper.

“And how do you suppose I do that? If you haven't realized, I failed at picking up a fork. How could I stop seven ponies from doing whatever they are about to do?” I say with slight annoyance.

“The amulet.” She points out to me.

“Are you an idiot? If I do that I could end up hurting them.” The mares are hesitating to do whatever it is they are doing. ‘So they don’t want to, but have to?’ I think as I look them over.

“If ‘You’ haven’t realized I am that power, and I only want to make you strong! Even if that means bringing up bad memories, or hurting someone. And right now If it makes you take it off I promise not to hurt them!” She yells in my mind, sounding desperate. She must be really terrified of the power of those jewelries.

“Alright! But if you do anything to them…  I don’t know how, but I will make you pay.” I say in a stern and intimidating voice.

“Deal! just do it! Fast!” She yells in panic as I notice the mares are getting closer to do whatever they are planning on doing. So I slowly lift my hand, making it shake as I try to bring it up to my head. And when I raised my hand, the mares stopped what they were doing to look at me in wonder and hope.

Only to go into full panic mode when they see they I grabbed the amulet, and before they can react and do whatever they were planning on doing I ripped it off, breaking the silver chain around my neck and toss it at the wall so it shatters.

My body immediately gets surrounded in the dark magic, the mares are now in trying their best to do their thing but only to fail as dark magic shoots from my hand and knocks Twilight tiara off her head. Now they all look scared, he tall one also looks surprised by the sudden change of events.

Just before Twilight puts her back on with her magic, the dark magic version of myself speaks up, making them all stop in their places. And of course, I cannot hear anything that's being said, which I am growing tired of.

They talk back and forwards for a while, their spirits all seems to raise, and the white pony smiles after talking to dark magic me. I really wonder what they are talking about but must be good, for them and me. So I don’t bother caring about it yet. Right now I’m only a thought in dark magic me’s head. I really need to get a better name for dark magic me…

When they finish talking, the tall one looks me over, before trying the golden light magic again, and this time she seems to smile. And I can tell that whatever she’s doing is working, It feels like a burden is slowly being removed from me, and I don’t have the desire to do whatever I can to not be bored anymore. I also realize how tired I am now. I haven’t slept for a day after all.

Just when I think everything was over, I bend over the bed and puke up purple sludge with red stripes in it and white lines going around it. “What the hell? What is that!?” I try to yell but it ends up in a dry wheezing whisper. “Chaos magic.” The tall one says from my side as she puts a hoof softly on my back as I cough up the last pieces of the chaos magic. Twilight then proceeds to put it in a glowing vial. “You had someone’s chaos magic in you, and the ones that is not born with chaos magic, will be controlled by the magic instead of being the one controlling it.” She explains as I sit down on the bed to catch my breath. “So that’s why I was so obsessed with the spoon.” I say quietly before I end up get drowned the three ponies I know the best. “We were so worried Sarah!” Pinkie says as she proceeds to cry loudly as she hugs me the tightest out of the three. “Girls!” I say. With a small gasp. “Still hurt.” They climb off me and proceed to laugh awkwardly. “Thank’s for caring girl, but I’m fine now.” I reassure them with a smile. It’s still hard to talk and my voice is all raspy but they understand what I’m saying. “It’s just good to have you back with us Sarah” Twilight speaks up, getting nods from the girls “I’m sorry, but I think I have forgotten to introduce myself. I am Princess Celestia, Co ruler of the Equestrian kingdom.” She tells me with a warm smile, making my heart skip a beat from the information she just told me. I try to bow in my bed which only ends up awkwardly as I yelp in pain.

“No need to strain yourself Sarah, you have no need to bow before me, I am just happy I got to meet such an extraordinary creature as yourself. The pleasure is all mine.” She tells me as she smiles at me again. ‘Wow, this is one humble princess. I wonder if the other is the same.’ I think to myself. “Most likely not, I assume they are mostly opposite of eachother.” The dark magic speaks up, making her presence known. I jump at the sudden extra voice in my head, and they all seem to notice as they are staring at me.

“You okay there Sarah?” Twilight asks me with some worry in her voice. “Yeah, just the dark magic making herself known. You know, since the amulet is destroyed.” I say as I lay down in the bed. “Ah, yeah. We talked to her, when you had the chaos magic in you.” Twilight explains to me the information I already know. “Yeah, I know.” I tell her as I let out a yawn. “What was that about anyways? I didn’t hear anything, I could only watch.” I ask them as Celestia walks a step forwards. “It seems that she understood that the amulet was blocking me from extracting the chaos magic since it was slowly becoming a part of you and the magic.” She explains to me. “But it’s still unknown how she knew what the elements that Twilight and her friends was using would turn you to stone, until we figured a better way to extract the magic.” Celestia points out casually. “Stone? You were planning on turning me into stone?” I ask as I look at them with shock. “Only until we could figure out other ways to heal you! Last time chaos magic controlled Equestria it was controlled by somepony, we didn't want to figure out what could happen if it controlled itself.” Twilight says trying to calm me down. “I guess… Well, it’s over now. But we need to talk about all of this after I get some sleep.” I tell them and let a yawn escape me. “I think we need to let Sarah get the rest she deserves.” Celestia tells the mares as she gets ready to leave. “Sleep well Sarah.” She says before she flashes away in a white light. “Don’t let the bedbugs bite!” Pinkie says, finally back to her old cheery self. “Good night Sarah.” The rest of the mares says. “Thanks girls, you too.” And with that they leave. Leaving me alone to my thought’s, or as alone as I will ever get now.

“We need to talk Sarah.” The dark magic tells me. “You think? You scared me on purpose! You where the hallucinations!” I yell at her in my mind. “I was trying to make you stronger! You are weak and fragile Sarah! I was trying to help you!” She yells back, anger very present in her voice. “How was…  I…  You…” I let out a frustrated sigh as I think back to the recent memories. ‘She did help me thoe… because of her I’m not stone right now.’ I sigh again. “Fine, but if we are gonna continue talking to eachother, I need to have a name to call you by.” I tell her. “Alright, I can work with that. Any ideas?” She asks. “I don’t know, something fitting? Like… darkness? Nah that's too gloomy…” I think hard about it for a while. “What about Emerald?” I say with a smile. “Emerald? Seriously?” She asks with a sigh. “Yeah why not? I like emeralds.” I say ask her. “If you want to go with minerals, why not Onyx? It’s a black crystal, more fitting.” She points out. “I don’t know, it seems more like a dudes name.” I tell her as I let out a yawn. “What if we talk about this tomorrow?” I ask her. “Yeah, we might be able to think clearer then.” I pull the covers over myself and get ready to sleep. “Yeah, good night dark magic me.” I say as I close my eyes. “I will meet you in your dreams idiot, but yeah I really need a name.”

1 The end and the begining

"And here I stand..." A chuckle escapes me as I stare down in the abyss that most likely would end my life, a welcoming feeling washes over me. This is it, this is the moment i write the last page of my life. It's been a fun ride, but this... The time for me has come. So here i am, standing about two hundred meters above the ground, on the gray roof of a residental building complete with a dull gray look.

"Look at me now ma!..." I say as a chuckle a little more, I start to feel the tears dripping down my face.

I stand there and let the feeling of sadness wash over me. After so many years I don't see the point in fighting the feelings anymore.

And to be honest, it kinda feels reliving. After so long with feeling mostly sadness you kind of grow accustomed to it.

I guess it's true that you can grow addicted to everything.

So I guess it's kind of my fault too that I ended up in this shithole. As soon as things change i fall back into what im accustomed too... Depression and sadness.

But I won't have to care about that when im dead, do I?... Atleast I hope I don't.

I was never really religious and didn't believe in any kind of afterlife, and that's what i think was what drove me into the depresion...

The thought of dying... the thought of never feeling again... the thought of never experiencing again... and the thought of never being again... It just... horrifies me...

Untill it sounded more like a relief...

"Here i am. About to kill myself couse im afraid of death... The irony is strong with this one." I have to laugh a little at that.

Well, that isn't the only reason it came to this. But thats for another time. If there ever is one.

Maybe i will wake up in the hospital or under suicide watch in some pshyco ward tomorrow, attached to some kind of machine that's barely keeping me alive.

Because the fall mangled my body, but didn't have enough of an impact to kill me.

That thought alone almost makes me back out of this.

But i wont, I know what will hapen if I back out now. I've already written the letter and if im alive tomorrow il be put under suicide watch.

Well this is it... The moment my life has led up to.

I take a deep breath, as I close my eyes and breathe out as i feel the last tears i'll ever feel drip down my cheeks. some of it making it's way to my long black hair, making it wet and stick to my face.

I feel the sinking feeling in my stomach as the wind of the fall push against my naked skin and hair.

Wait...

I never jumped! And why am i naked?

I was about to jump but i never fell forward!

I open my eyes and realise im not close to any ground, and when I look down I see green.

Lots and lots of green.

Where did the city go?