A Herd of Misfits

I awoke the next morning, finding myself snuggled with Gear Tech. Her hooves were very secure around my flanks, and her face was nose to nose with mine. I couldn't help myself. I kissed her gently, causing her to stir.

“Mmmmmhhhh.” She slowly opened her eyes, slightly dazed and confused. “...Lil' Red...?” I've noticed some nick names of the different herd members were used in varied frequencies. Realm, or Daddy, only used his name during sex or foreplay. Penn used his name, Doodle, when he was just goofing around, or trying to calm someone down- like me yesterday. Gear's name, Feathers, was reserved for when she was being shy. I know, sounds odd, but Gear Tech plus shy equals instant boner. My name, lil' Red, was used all the time. I didn't mind. It actually made me feel more...included. Trixie's on the other hoof....what was her nick name?

“Last night was great~” I smiled, nuzzling Gear Tech's nose.

She blushed. “You know...you were great too.” She pulled away slightly, looking up, giving me a coy smile.

The flutter my heart gave me sent an electrical charge through me, ending at the tip of my already rising penis. What did I tell you? Instant boner.

“Feathers~” I breathed, leaning in for a kiss. My lips met hoof.

“Lil' Red~” She giggled. “You're way to easy.”

My heart sank and I pouted. “Not fair.”

“Life's not fair, Lil' Red. Sooner or later, you'll learn that.”

I was about to tell her, at long lengths, how I knew life was anything but fair, when a hoof on my flank stalled me from any talking.

“If she's not going to finish that.” RJ breathed in my ear. “I could use some~”

I gulped, heat rising in my face as 'Daddy' started to nip at the back of my neck, his hooves exploring the girth of my length as his own slipped between my legs, lightly rubbing against my sack.

“D-daddy...” It was all I could get out before he kissed me, causing me to melt in his forelegs.

His strokes were smooth and light upon my skin, causing my member to become more sensitive with want of more. I let him use my body, as he loved me with his hooves and mouth. How I loved this stallion. My eyes closed, cutting the world from my vision, replacing the sensation of sight with an added measurement to taste, sound and physical feeling.

He must have continued kissing and stroking me for ten minutes, neither speeding up nor slowing down. My shaft felt like it was on fire, the stroking building up my pleasure and pressure to the point of unbelievable proportions that I just couldn't-

“Ahhh~!” My tip flared and a short spasm ran through my neithers as thick spunk erupted from my penis onto Tech's stomach and chest.

“Good colt.” RJ nuzzled my ear. “Mmhh, I just can't get enough of how fucking adorable you are~” He sucked on one of my ears, causing me to gasp and whine. “You make the cutest noises too~”

He let go and rose up, leaving me to look up lovingly at him, my eyes begging for more. I could see that he was unsheathed as well, but I wasn't ready to just jump and suck a dick quite yet. I still had to retain some innocence.

“Rise and shine Misfits~” He called out to us.

I looked around and saw that Penn and Writer were snuggled together with Trixie in the middle of them. At first, they didn't move, to comfy where they lay.

Trixie groaned. “Five more minutes. Trixie needs her beauty sleep...”

Both Writer and Penn didn't seem to hear the herd leader, still snoozing.

“Wakey waky, it's day brakey~” RJ tried again. Still no response. He didn't seem too concerned. Trotting over to them, he nuzzled their faces, and licked their noses until, grumpily, they opened their tired eyes and looked up at his beaming face.

“It's rise an-oomf!” The pillow caught Realm square in the face, curtsey of Penn, who, I noticed, looked paralytically dragged out.

“Cram it cap'n!” He hissed. “We spent all night fucking up a storm. It wasn't until three that we became to tired and had to stop.”

“And who's fault is that?” Gear asked, standing up to stretch. Her tail lifted enough so I could see her pink, puffy, puss for a moment. Celestia I love my life here~!

“Mine.” Writer heaved a large sigh, cracking his neck side to side slowly. “I was pent up, and had writers block. Trixie offered to help me relieve stress.”

“Draggy~” Trixie smiled, putting a hoof on his. I know that we all have special relationships with our herd mates, but something told me that was more than a herd mate look they were giving each other.

“I saw the fun and needed to let out a little pent up'ness that Lil' Red gave me yesterday afternoon.”

I gave him a worried look. He wasn't about to tell everyone about what I said yesterday, right? We agreed that was just between us.

Realm snorted. “I know.” My heart stopped. “I could hear you orgasming from across the house. That good?”

Penn's face was one of bliss. “I've never had a fucking like that before. And it only lasted for about two minutes~”

Gear Tech paused upon hearing that. She glanced down at me, staring. “You're asking for a face sitting, aren't you?”

I shrugged. After a week, sexual actions and talk had become common enough that questions like that didn't cause me to stutter anymore. “I haven't had breakfast yet, so I wouldn't mind eating something.” I replied.

She smile, but chose to trot off, leaving her tail held high, I noticed. “Trixie, I'm off to shower.”

“Trixie will shower later.” Trixie replied. “Trixie is going to sleep longer,” The light blue unicorn glared at RJ, who was still smiling. “Or she will brutally kill those who keep sleep away from Trixie's burning eyes!”

“How brutal are we talking about?” I asked.

Her eyes sought out mine. When we did make eye contact, I saw in there depths, Ponyville on fire. Heads of stallions and mares on stakes and children being sacrificed to some unknown god to quench his thirst for blood and curb his terrible wrath.

“Oh.” I tried to smile, but ended up gulping hard. “Oh! Would you look at the time!” I faked a yawn. “Guess we still have some shut eye to catch!” I laying my head back down, I closed my eyes.

I felt a pony sidle up to me, whispering. “I guess a little sleep on the weekends wouldn't hurt no pony.”

Later that morning, Trixie decided to go shopping for the herd. “I'll need a stallion to help bring it all back though.”

“I've got nothing going on.” I decided. “I'll go.”

“Thank you Red.” The unicorn smiled, brushing a stray strand of hair from her face. She really was a stunning mare to look at, and a little part of my heart gave a flutter at how much her smile reminded me of a certain Pegasus that had stolen my heart without knowing it.

It didn't take to lay the saddle bags on my back and we were off. Trixie didn't talk at first. After a week around her I noticed what RJ meant about her being scared of stallions. If Gear Tech was around, she'd be more than boisterous and rowdy, having fun, but the thing was she'd only really talk to Gear Tech, and not the rest of us. The exceptions were Writer, which if my theory was true, there was a deeper relationship there, and RJ, who she treated like a...Well, how we all treated. Respect, love and a profound trust that words couldn't explain.

After our trot into town, once we were around other ponies, she started talking to me. At first it was short questions or one or two word replies. As time went on, she started talking more and more, going in and out of her normal speaking- a bravado that made her sound arrogant- to her real speech- a toneless voice that seemed devoid of any emotion, though I thought I could hear a hint of pain in there.

“Trixie?” She looked over at me, mild curiosity on her face. “I hope you don't mind me asking, but...why do you often speak about yourself in the third pony?”

She stopped where she stood, considering me for a long minute. She seemed to be debating with herself whether to tell me or not. Finally, she started walking again.

“Have you ever heard of the Cult of Discord?” She began tonelessly.

“No.”

“...The Cult of Discord isn't really any kind of religion or group dedicated to the actual Lord of Chaos. You see, a long time ago, some unicorn got the bright idea that if he claimed to be a high priest of any of the known Deities, then he could order ponies to do his bidding based on the fact that he was 'holy' and would serve him because he 'served' the god in question.”

What she said made sense, in a sick way. “I see. He used Discord because Celestia was already speaking to ponies in the flesh. Luna must have still been on the moon, and no sane pony would have worshiped a nightmare.”

“Trust me, Red. No pony is completely sane. Fact is, it's insanity to think that sanity truly exists in the form we consider it to be.”

I chewed that thought. “So, back to the cult?”

She was silent as we entered into the super market. “I was born into it.” She looked at me. “That's all Trixie-I'm going to say.” The spit in her voice, the audible difference of character... Trixie must have lived through some terrible ordeals to come out scarred like that.

We were out in public, but I gave her a quick nuzzle to the cheek. “I'm here for you, Trixie.” I told her. “And I'll stay by your side.”

The blue mare smiled kindly, as she magicked out the list of groceries we needed to get.

“Now then. We need...”

We did our best to bargain hunt as we shopped. Checking what coupons we had, the difference in brands, and seeing if certain things could be switched for something else that was on sale. It was kinda fun. I use to dread grocery shopping, because I didn't have much money to spend- still don't. But shopping with Trixie, who told me she spent a good portion of her adult life on the road, showed me that the mare knew how to find deals and bargains that I'd never consider, like if a package was bunged up, the clerk would take five percent off the price.

We made it to the fresh produce area before I heard a familiar voice that caused my heart to pound and my teeth to grit.

“And then I was like, fuuuuush! And Bam! That's how it happened!” Rainbow Dash was bragging again about who knows what. I didn't feel like dealing with her, but as I hadn't told any of the herd, except Penn, about me losing the studio. I sincerely hoped the cyan mare would keep her muzzle shut about anything related to it.

“Oh my,” Another voice drifted into my ears, causing my pounding heart to quiver to a halt. “I'm sure that was exciting.”

“Yeah. Did I tell you that Scootaloo's dance lessons have been canceled?”

My heart stopped. Trixie hadn't heard what I heard, nor had she noticed that I was no longer looking for the ripest cantaloupes.

“Oh my, really?” Fluttershy's voice sympathized. “That's terrible.”

“Not really.” The weather captain laughed. “Heh, the teacher was a washout anyway. He was getting pissed that Scoots was showing off how much cooler she was than him.”

I felt my face flush. Why that stupid, daughter of a-

“Something wrong, Lil' Red?” Trixie was watching me fume.

“I'll. Be. Right. Back.” I shouldn't. Not here. Not now. But I wasn't going to stand around and pretend I couldn't hear that slack jawed jock with the IQ of a bird insult me in public.

The prismatic maned mare wasn't far away either. Literally two bins over from where Trixie and I stood. Really? REALLY?! The stupid mare couldn't look around for one moment and see if the pony in question is within ear shot?

I marched over to where they stood, deliberately keeping her back to me until I stood right behind her. I cleared my throat loudly.

She turned, a split moments shock and shame on her face, before setting into her usual smug smile. “Sup?”

“Hello.” I intoned. “I'm sorry that I missed you before, but since classes are canceled due to a...unfortunate circumstance, I'm offering private lessons to all my students-”

“Nah we're good.” Rainbow waved a hoof. “Tha-”

I continued, as if I was never interrupted. “Who are excelling, as when the studio classes resume, I'll be putting a team together and taking them to the Equestrian Dance Off in Canterlot to compete.”

Rainbow's eyes twinkled as the idea of Scootaloo being on a dance team, to show off in front of thousands of ponies, wining first place and being a hero- sort of- danced in her brain. Before she could open her mouth to change her tune, I shrugged and started to turn.

“But that's only for students who are excelling. Unfortunately, that rules out your adopted sister.”

Was I wrong? Most likely. Was this petty, lowly or despicable? Fuck yeah it was. Was it worth it? The look of confusion to shock to horror to blistering anger told me it was all too worth it.

“Now wait a minute!” She snapped.

“A minute?” I asked. “I'll give you two.”

“Scootaloo is, like, your best dancer!?”

I tapped a hoof, as if waiting for some pony. “And?”

Rainbow had a difficult time with that little word. “And! And! And, you'd totally lose if you went there without her!”

“I don't know about that.” I countered coolly. “Diamond Tiara is getting really good, and she practices too.”

Rainbow looked so pissed off, I swear to Celestia, she was about to pop a vain in her forehead. She growled.

“Let me lay it to you straight.” I explained, slowly. “Scootaloo has some talent, yes. I'll admit that, but she and her friends don't practice the moves I teach them, and don't listen. She has the potential to become great, but she takes too much after you.” I paused, waiting for the weather captain to catch up with what I said. “Natural born gifts, but no discipline or drive to actually do a thing about it.”

Rainbow's eyes went wide, then narrowed. “I don't like it when ponies insult me or my little sister.”

“And I don't like ponies who think they're better than others.” I stated simply. “And you thinking that she can dance better than I can, after I've spent most of my life studying dance, getting a master's degree in it, and have been preforming professionally for years really pisses me off. What, did you teach her all she knows?”

“Yeah, maybe I did.” The Pegasus snarled in my face.

I knew I was making a scene, but I didn't care. As far as I was concerned, she could take a swipe at me. I'd only punch back harder.

“Whoa, whoa ladies~” A hoof separated us, and my good friend Vinyl Scratch pushed us back gently, a grin on her face. “I don't know about you two, but that sounded like a challenge.” She pulled something out of her saddle bag. A portable speaker with an O-Stick attached to it. “Shall we settle this like real ponies?” She magically hit play, and a beat started to pound out of the little speaker with surprising clarity and sound.

Rainbow glowered at me. “You ain't worth my time.” She started to turn.

“Really now?” I asked, the faintest of smiles on my muzzle. It was time to rock her little world.

Standing up on my hind legs, I shrugged off he saddle backs, laying them safely from my little performance spot, and started bouncing to the beat. With a shudder, I stood stalk still, moving my forelegs like a robots, adding short little pops and long sweeps so it looked like I was made of steel and joins rather than flesh and blood. After fifteen seconds, I paused, pointing at Rainbow Dash.

She snorted. Getting up on her hind legs. “That's easy.” She boasted, trying to mimic my moves. It didn't take a trained dancer to see that she had no idea what she was doing, but she pulled through enough to point back at me.

So she thought she could dance?

I popped and rolled my joints, making my legs look like writhing snakes that would ripple, pulling my body one way then another, before dropping down, and acting like I was a puppet on strings. After a few more seconds, I swayed, looking at her, glaring the words 'bring it!'

It was all I could do to keep from laughing at how stupid she looked. She realized quickly that she was looking stupid, because we had drawn in a crowd, and they were snickering at her. When she stopped, I cemented in my skill.

I stepped forward, balancing on my left foreleg, raising the rest of my body up, to do different tricks with my free legs with before jumping over to the right foreleg without losing balance. The crowed cheered and stomped. I landed to a gawking Rainbow Dash, who had not been beaten, so much as creamed then wiped across the floor like a mop.

“Now,” I walked up to her. “Have I made my point?”

But Rainbow wasn't looking at me anymore. She was staring at a point over my shoulder. “What do you want?!” She snarled.

Looking back, I saw Trixie, looking stunned at me. Heh, I guess Rainbow's wasn’t the only mind I've blown.

“I was simply watching.” Trixie replied, looking unsure of herself.

“Likely story.” The weather captain looked between me and Trixie. I could almost hear the clogged cogs in her brain working. “She made you dance like that. Ain't no way a pony could be better than me.”

I snorted. “Humility much?”

“So what are you doing here?” Rainbow Dash demanded of my herd mate, ignoring me. I didn't like that tone. “Planning to over throw Twilight again? Got another alicorn amulet? Going to wake up an Ursa Major this time and flatten all of Ponyville?”

“Whoa.” I put a hoof on the Pegasus's shoulder, reminding her I was standing between her and my Trixie. A glance at her told me that she was both ashamed and frightened.

“Hoof off, buddy!” Rainbow smacked my hoof away.

Trixie crouched, as the crowed turned their attention to her, remembering something I wasn't around for.

“Please. I-I'm sorry. I-I-”

“You what?!” Dash smiled, proud that she had turned the tide of shame to some other pony than herself. “Tell me, I'd love to hear how incredibly sorry you are for almost destroying the town not once, but twice.”

That did it. “Hey,” I pushed the weather captain hard enough that she had to stumble back. “Leave her alone.”

At first, I thought she was going to headbutt me. Then her eyes went wide. A goofy grin spread across her face as she let out a snort. She started laughing, sitting back on her haunches, wiping tears from her eyes.

“You-hahaha-You-ooohhhhohohohoh-You like her?!”

I didn't blink. “And?” I wasn't ashamed of it. She was my herd mate after all.

“You-hahahah- Red and Trixie sitting under a tree~ K-i-s-s-i-n-g~” She sang.

I was about to remark that it was a good thing that she knew how to spell, when another glance back at Trixie revealed that she was mortified at the public display that was happening. Other ponies started laughting and a few even joined in with the bully.

Back in high school, I couldn't fight with the jocks that put me through hell like this. There was one thing I could do to, if nothing else, get back at them, until they flushed my head down a toilet. You see, I know I'm not the most masculine stallion. Some ponies had even gone so far to say that if it wasn't for my face, I'd look like a mare, and I quickly learned how that could be an effective tool against stallions, and mares.

I stepped in close, almost close enough to rub up on Rainbow. She blinked, cutting her song short. I blew softly into her ear, raising my voice to a falsetto

“Rainbow, honey~” I whispered. “Don't sing about her~ Please, you'll make me all hawt and frisky~ You wouldn't want that, would you? Me, hawt and bothered, in some other mare's bed, riding her all night till she can't gush anymore~?”

It worked in high school. It worked here. Rainbow's face blushed up and a chill ran down her spin, causing her to visibly quake at my sultry words and silky voice, almost sounding like a mare in heat. A quick glance down proved how effective my tactics were. Rainbow Dash, the proud weather captain of Ponyville, was now sitting in a puddle of her one jizz.

“You know?” I whispered in her ear, tickling her senses. “You're kind really make me sick. Picking on others because you think you're better? Bullying others because of mistakes they made, even after they have apologized. You know nothing, so stop acting like you're queen of the sky.” I paused, making an over exasperated act of smelling. “What's that rank smell? Fish?”

The devastation of my actions and words on Rainbow Dash caused the mare to turn to stone and stop breathing. I got up, and looked at the crowed, who had decided that their shopping lists were suddenly more demanding than the scene we'd made, and scurried off like parasprites. I sidled on the saddles bags, and lifted Trixie up.

“I think we got enough. Ready to go?”

Trixie's eyes were brimming with tears. She only nodded.

As we started to leave the store, Fluttershy caught up to us.

“Wait just a minute!” She called out sternly.

“You go on Trixie. I'll be on my way soon.” Turning I looked to a huffy Fluttershy. “Yes?”

“How dare you say all those nasty, horrible things to Rainbow Dash?” She scolded. “She's a good mare, and tries her best.”

I wasn't amused anymore. “Fluttershy. If you're too blind to see how she not only insulted me, tried to prove that she was better than me, but she had to drag my...friend in and belittle her,” I resisted the urge to say herd mate. I wanted to keep that private right now. “To my face and in the presence of others, then I don't have anything to say to you.”

“Trixie isn't exactly innocent either.” She pointed out. “She tried to do horrible things to Twilight and my friends a few years back.”

“What, and Discord didn't do anything bad in his life? Not rule over Equestria in chaos and darkness? Not almost getting away with it for a second time when he broke out a few years back?” She looked shocked. I waited for her to reply, but she kept silent. “Oh, and congratulations on your engagement. I'm sure that you and Discord are just perfect for each other.”

Turning I trotted off, not bothering to look back and see what Fluttershy was doing.

It seemed that Trixie took me up on the offer to go on ahead, because I didn't see her as I trotted back to the house. I made it almost to the outskirts of town when-

“Hey! Wait a moment!”

I rolled my eyes as I turned to tell who ever it was that I wasn't going to apologize for what I said to any pony. The speaker was a hefty stallion, with a large barrel chest and a muscular flank that teased my eyes. His coat was charcoal black and so was his mane. The only relief from the color was his white muzzle and gray cutie mark of a stone block.

“Can I help you?” I asked, not hiding the fact that I wasn't in the mood to talk much right now.

“I saw what you did back there.” He said after catching he breath. “How you made that mare cum without touching her.”

“Oh.” I wasn't sure how to take that.

“Could you try that on me?”

“I'm sorry-what?” I raised a hoof and did a mock of me hitting my ear to unclog it. “You want me to do what now?”

“Try that trick on me. I want to see if it works on all ponies.”

“....You do know how you're making this sound, right?”

“Please? I'll explain afterwords, I promise.”

With a sigh, I didn't give him a chance to ask again. I had sidled up to him, whispering in his ear all the dirty things I could do to him, how much I wanted him, and how I wanted him to claim my flank for his own. My voice was a high pitched whine of want and lust, my breath was hot in his ear. I even took a moment to draw back and give him starry eyes that begged him to turn my around and rut me here on the street.

He came rather fast, though not as fast as Rainbow Dash.

“Fuuuuuuhhhhhk.” He breathed, as his spunk leaked out. “That was hawt!”

“Okay. Now what is this about?”

“I'd like to offer you a job.”

I blinked. “Do what now?”

“I work for...Well, lets call him Mr. H. Mr. H has a private club for ponies who would like privacy, but can't exactly get it anywhere other than home. These ponies want to be able to go to a cafe and relax with a coffee, or tea, maybe chat to a fine looking mare, or stallion and be normal for an hour or two. Mr. H lets those ponies do that, and keeps them anonymous to the world. It's a win win.”

“Okay, I get the general idea. Where does this leave me?” At first, he made it sound like a sex club. But the more he talked, the more I saw that this was something else completely.

“You would be a host. A host is why ponies come to us. You treat them like a normal pony, keeping them comfortable, pouring tea and coffee. You talk to them, let them get to know you and you them. There are a few rules, though. No touching, in sexual ways that is. That is why your talent will be so-”

“Desired?” I put the last piece of the puzzle together. “Because if physical contact was allowed, the it'd be a sex club, and payment for physical sex is illegal.”

He smiled, seeing I got the picture. “And so you can charge extra for it. Think of it as, 'tip for service'.”

“Is that legal?”

The black stallion shrugged. “Mr. H lets us do it. Me, I make little sculpture for them. That's why my cutie mare is a block of stone.”

“Huh. So. How much is the pay?”

“Oh, I'd say twelve hundred a month.”

My jaw dropped. “T-t-twelve hundred?!”

“More with a talent like yours.”

Wait. Wait, wait, wait. “What's the catch?”

“The catch?” He sized me up and down. “Catch is simple really. You only get paid for your clients. The more clients, the more pay. Each is worth two hundred a piece. They can only visit once a week for an hour. Two if they work out a special deal with Mr. H.”

“How many hours do I have to work?”

“Have to? You don't have to do anything. It's all on your availability. If you only have time for an hour, that's what you stay for. Have a day off, you can serve as many clients as you can. See? Simple.”

I mulled that over in my head. It seemed too good to be true. “What if...What if I decided I wanted to stop?”

He smiled. “Well, with the money rolling in, I'd doubt you'd want to do that any time soon, but say you did. You'd have to give Mr. H a head up, and just do a last session with all your clients, like a goodbye session. Then you're done. Pretty cut and dry really.”

There was only one more question I had. “When can I start?”