Twilight Sparkle Kills Equestria

by Codex Ex Equus

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Dark
Length: 1852

After a horrible accident, Twilight learns the terrible truth about alicorns.

A fun, delightful romp in which Twilight learns an important lesson about friendship, harmony, and why cobalt-jacketed atomic weaponry is a bad idea.

(cover fixed, apparently there were some technical difficulties)

Published 2015-08-27 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-29 19:22:35 UTC

The Accident

Twilight stood upon the shattered ruin that was now the tallest tower of Canterlot. The land she gazed out over should have been full of life, green trees and flowing blue water.

Instead, it was a wasteland. What plants had managed to survive the lethal radiation clung bitterly to parched rocks. Twisting paths of pebbles and stone were now all that remained of the streams that had once crisscrossed the formerly vibrant and fertile land. No living creature moved; all life more complex than a cockroach had been scoured from the face of the planet... aside from the immortals.

“I-I didn't mean for any of this to happen,” she said, nearly whispering, as the other three Princesses came up the remains of the tower stairs behind her. “It was just... just...”

“Just an accident,” said Luna flippantly, waving a hoof. “It happens, don't worry about it.”

“What?! B-but I killed everypony! Everyone! I never should have made that bomb...”

“It was an interesting idea, and you ran with it.” Celestia shrugged. “Although really, if you wanted to know about advanced radiological warfare you could have just asked me. There's not much I don't know about that subject. I could also have given you some useful advice on security protocols, not to mention making sure that none of the weapons you create can be used without your personal authorization...”

“You knew about what I was doing? About all of it?” Twilight gaped openly at the Princess. “Why didn't you stop me?!”

“You're so cute when you get all interested in a subject, even when it's weapons with the potential to destroy the world. I just didn't have the heart to take that away from you.”

“Really, Twilight, you act like this is the first time an alicorn has wiped out all life on a planet,” said Cadance, rolling her eyes.

“It's not?!”

In response to Twilight's outburst, all three Princesses fell to the ground, rolling about with laughter.

“Oh... oh, I'm sorry Twilight, but the expression on your face...” Celestia paused to wipe away a tear. “With the powers Luna and I wield, you honestly thought this was the first planet we've ruled? You... you really...” she trailed off, as another fit of giggles took her.

“Twilight, I don't think even my aunts know how many planets they've destroyed at this point,” said Cadance to the stunned pony. “I haven't had many opportunities myself, since I was born in Equestria like you. Now it looks like you beat me to the punch.”

“I don't understand...” Twilight's ears were folded back against her head, her body sagging towards the ground as shock took the strength away from her legs.

“Twilight, alicorns are... immortal, would be the word,” said Luna, speaking for the still-laughing Celestia. “My sister and I have been around since the beginning of the universe, and have been 'Princesses' on countless worlds since.”

“Oh, remember the last one?” said Celestia, sitting up as she got herself somewhat under control. “It was monkeys! I still kind of miss having opposable thumbs.”

“Yes, well, you see, Twilight...” Luna trailed off, thinking, then said, “The point is, everything–except what you know as alicorns, obviously–has an ending. It is the natural course of existence. And while I suppose at first we found it as horrifying as you do now, after time that feeling fades. Now it is merely amusing.”

“Amusing?!”

“Yes. We don't specifically seek to end the world, nor desire it, but... think of it as if you are playing a game. A very high stakes game. And you do your best, you set everything up perfectly, you don't want to lose... but things happen. A meteor, wondering if it's possible to create a planetarily bound black hole, Celestia forgetting and leaving the sun on too high while on vacation–“

“Oh, you're one to talk, Ms.Get-Drunk-And-Crash-The-Moon-Into-Ursidaia.”

“–the point is, sometimes you lose, and you just have to take it graciously. Find what humor in it you can. Even a disaster can still be entertaining if it is spectacular enough.”

“But... but...” Twilight looked out, over the radiation-blasted landscape. “But what do we do now? There's nothing left...”

“Oh, we'll create a new world,” said Celestia, shrugging. “We just need to decide what animal we want to be the dominant lifeform this time. I'm thinking cats. Or maybe frogs.”

“It's been a while since we did octopuses,” pointed out Luna.

“Ooh, yes!”

“Sounds good,” said Cadance happily. “It's all new to me, of course.”

“I don't want to be an octopus!” protested Twilight.

“Well, you've been outvoted,” said Cadance, sticking out her tongue.

“Besides, you don't really think you're going to be there, do you?” asked Celestia.

She nodded her head, and Luna and Cadance dove forward, tackling Twilight and pinning her to the tower floor. She struggled, but the two other alicorns were larger and stronger than her.

“It takes a lot of power to create a new world, and the easiest way to get that power is, well, sacrifice.” Celestia loomed over Twilight, her horn starting to glow with a white light.

“What?! No!” Twilight began struggling harder, to no avail.

“There's no point in fighting,” said Luna from her one side, easily keeping the smaller alicorn restrained. “One of us needs to be sacrificed, and you don't even want to be an octopus anyway.”

“I do! I do! I really, really want to be an octopus!”

“Too late now,” said Cadance from her other side, also having no problems holding Twilight in place. “Besides, all this was your fault anyway. Don't you think you should make up for what you did?”

“Celestia, please.” Twilight stopped her struggles, holding up one pleading hoof as best she could towards the Princess. “Don't... don't do this. It's me, Twilight Sparkle, remember? Your most faithful student?”

Celestia laughed. “Twilight, how many faithful students do you think I've had over the eons? Hardly any of them even survived to the point where I could change them into an alicorn–or whatever the current equivalent happened to be–and the fact that there aren't any around should tell you what I had to do to the ones that did make it. Luna, remember Rae, the one we used to make Equestria? She was a squirmy little monkey when it was her time. You could barely hold onto her!”

“Ha! And she ascended so late there at the end,” said Luna, with a twinkle in her eye. “I thought I would have to sacrifice you!”

“You wish!” Celestia stuck out her tongue. “I had your wine all drugged and ready to go when she suddenly discovered the true meaning of harmony or whatever.”

Celestia refocused her attention on the once-again stunned-speechless Twilight. “The point is, I've had to sacrifice plenty of 'faithful students' just like you over the years to keep things going. Not to mention close friends, husbands, wives... even children.”

“The children are always the hardest,” sighed Luna, shaking her head. “Again, squirmy little things.”

“And considering how you killed my husband, I think I've given up enough already,” pointed out Cadance. “This is only fair.”

“Goodbye, Twilight,” said Celestia, moving her head down. Twilight began struggling harder, crying out in pain as the horn pierced her chest. “And hello Cephalia!”

“AHHHHHH!!”

Twilight sat bolt upright in bed, panting hard, sweat dripping from her body. Quickly, she ran a hoof over her chest. Finding it holeless, she let out a sigh of relief. It had all been a dream, just some horrible nightmare.

Her room was nearly pitch black, so she lit up her horn to check the clock–

And found herself staring at Luna's face, currently less than an inch from her own due to the fact that the Princess was straddling her body on the bed.

“Hello, Twilight,” said Luna calmly.

“hello,” squeaked Twilight.

“I trust you now understand the dangers of certain roads of inquiry you may be pursuing?”

“yes.”

“And I trust you will begin dismantling your equipment and lab–that of it which pertains to said subject–at once upon the morrow?”

“yes.”

“Excellent. Then I shall be off.” Luna climbed down from the bed, striding to he balcony doors and throwing them open.

“Wait!” cried Twilight, holding out a hoof, and Luna halted upon the threshold and looked back inquiringly.

“Was... was any of that true? About you and Celestia being born when the universe was created, and hopping from planet to planet as they die, and... and the other thing?”

Luna considered her for a long, long moment... then, without a word, turned and leapt into the air, gliding gracefully away into the night.

Twilight stared after her, then slowly lay back down and pulled the covers over her head.

Author's Note

In case the cover image didn't tip you off, yes, this was inspired by Dr.Strangelove. Day or two after watching it I woke up in the middle of the night with this story fully formed in my mind. Bonus points to anyone who catches the 'cameo' in the story.

(P.S. I had way too much fun naming the previous and future incarnations of Equestria)

Epilogue

“You did well, my faithful student.”

Princess Twilight rose from her throne, tentacles undulating as she floated down to the smaller octopus that waited below the dais. Her student blushed, the cells on her body briefly turning crimson as her camouflage defense attempted to blend her into the carpet she stood upon.

“I-I just wanted to make you proud, Princess...”

“You did, Tide Shimmer. You always do.”

She ran one tentacle across the top of the other octopus's mantle, brushing against her student's horn as she did. It was much smaller than her own, of course, and her student also lacked the full ten tentacles she herself possessed. But then, her student wasn't an alipus like she was. Not yet...

“Head on back to Molluscville, my student. There is still much for you to learn from your friends. And I see great things ahead for you.”

Twilight looked back at the throne next to her own. It was filled by a dark blue alipus, the frill running down the back of her mantle a bright, shining blue that fluttered even in the still currents of the throne room. Princess Luna nodded at her, and she nodded back.

“Great things indeed, my student.”

Twilight was expecting it as she woke up, so when she lit her horn and found Luna crouched on her bed she wasn't surprised this time.

“Think of it, Twilight Sparkle. An ocean kingdom of our very own.” A small smile was on Luna's face, her eyes intense as she spoke in a low voice. “My sister sleeps even now. She'd never feel a thing, never know what was happening–“

Luna was cut off by a pillow hitting her in the face, and let out a squawk as she fell off the bed.

“STAY OUT OF MY BEDROOM!”

Author's Note

Honestly, at this point even I'm not sure if Luna's just messing with Twilight or not.