The Interview

by Monochromatic

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Comedy, Rarity, Slice of Life, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 3964

After taking on some extra royal duties, Twilight makes it so that the only way her friends can see her is by getting a job interview with her. Rarity decides to do so in the most unprofessional way possible.

As part of her search for somepony to assist her with legal matters, Twilight spends most of her time interviewing potential candidates. When this results in her neglecting her friends, Rarity decides to take matters into her own hooves.

By which she means getting a job interview with Twilight and acting as unprofessionally as possible.

I regret nothing.

Written after my friend The-Chibster asked me to 'RariTwi' this wonderful comic by Accordingtodevin. Cover art was done by my partner in raritwi crime, ArcticWaters.

Published 2015-08-28 22:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-08-28 22:50:02 UTC

The Interview

The Interview
by Monochromatic

******

******

Twilight Sparkle had the tendency to get carried away.

It was one of her personality quirks, and though her friends would usually grin and bear it, sometimes it could prove to be a little too much.

“Rarity, this is getting ridiculous! We haven’t seen her for days!” Rainbow Dash said, following behind Rarity as they made their way through the castle’s hallways, avoiding ponies hurrying back and forth. Rainbow shot an errant pony a suspicious look before continuing, “Look at how many ponies there are. Forget days, we’re not gonna see her for weeks.”

“Now, Rainbow, it’s not every day that Twilight opens up spots for ponies to work in the castle. It’s perfectly understandable that there would be such a large turn out,” Rarity said, smiling at a few ponies here and there, trying to make a better impression than her friend.

Truth be told, Rarity wasn’t keen on the castle being so crowded either, but she’d be a liar if she said she didn’t understand the appeal of working for royalty. The glamour, the chic, the gossip! Goodness, she would likely have tried applying herself if she wasn’t already dating royalty. Well, that wasn’t true. Not exactly. She and Twilight weren’t dating so much as flirting while Rarity waited for the alicorn to stop incessantly denying her feelings.

She could have probably have made the decision for her marefriend-to-be, if only she hadn’t been shamelessly enjoying endlessly flustering Twilight.

“Why does she even have to go through, like, a zillion applicants?” Rainbow continued, flying up into the air after having grown tired of avoiding ponies. “Can’t she just pick one that looks good and be done with it? It’s not like being a secretary—”

“Legal advisor.”

“— fancy secretary needs a whole bunch of qualifications. Spike was doing a great job, and he what, only wrote letters and arranged books and made nachos?”

“Darling, you can’t honestly expect poor Spike to handle all of Twilight’s left-over paperwork by himself, can you? And besides, if you must know, a legal advisor is in charge of much more than ‘writing letters’ and ‘arranging books’. They will be privy to Twilight’s utmost confidential affairs and finances, and as such, they need to be somepony completely trustworthy, intelligent, honest, and discreet. She can’t take just anypony in. Not to mention that she is also looking for ponies to fill other jobs, you know?”

Dash rolled her eyes and hung limp from her wings like an extremely unmotivated bullet. “Uuuugh, fine.”

“Rainbow, I don’t understand why you of all ponies are complaining so much,” Rarity said, rolling her eyes in turn. And she thought she missed Twilight. “We’re already going to meet with her on Saturday for dinner, and she won’t cancel that event.”

“You don’t know that! You’re her marefrie—”

“Not quite.”

“You’re her almost marefriend, and she hasn’t even made the time to see you. Who’s to say she won’t say no to going?”

“That’s why we’re here to remind her personally and make sure she won’t cancel on us,” Rarity replied, stepping into a hallway where a dozen ponies were lined up against the wall.

All of them were busy, either with reading or re-reading papers, rehearsing their introductions, or even practicing how they’d shake hooves with the Princess of Friendship. Rarity found it endearing how nervous they all were to meet Twilight, when Twilight herself was probably the least intimidating pony to work under.

To her fortune, there were many perks to being the Elements of Harmony and best friends of the Princess, one of which was not having to stand in line. They trotted past the waiting ponies and reached the closed door that led to 'the Princess's' private chambers. The doors were flanked by two buff looking stallions, clad in armor that didn't quite fit their bulky forms.

Security was another thing Twilight had recently implemented in the castle, and though they'd initially had their reservations, Rarity could no longer imagine the castle without them. More than that, she wondered if there wasn't something she could do for the poor stallions. Chafing armor had to be one of the most unpleasant things imaginable, especially if one had nothing to distract themselves with.

“Miss Rainbow, Miss Rarity,” one of the guards said, bowing quickly to the two mares. He promptly opened the door and stepped aside to let them in. “Please, the Princess is inside.”

“Thank you, Silver Shield,” Rarity said, smiling when Silver Shield and his companion bowed down to her and Rainbow once more. Goodness, she’d never get used to being treated in such a way.

They stepped inside another area of the castle, which in itself was divided in several other smaller rooms. There was a desk by a wall where a unicorn was busying herself with the stacks of paperwork littered all over. Rarity was surprised to find she did not recognize the young mare who, by the way, looked terribly exhausted. Had Twilight hired her during the days she’d withdrawn herself from society? Dear heavens, that poor mare must have been working non-stop if that was the case.

“Who’s she?” Rainbow asked, similarly confused by the new face.

“I haven’t the faintest,” Rarity said. She took a few steps towards the desk and politely cleared her throat, catching the attention of the frazzled looking mare. “Oh, hello! Terribly sorry to interrupt, but—”

“O-Oh! I’m sorry! I thought the next appointment was in twenty minutes!” the mare exclaimed, riffling through her paperwork in a frantic search for something. She finally found the paper she’d been searching for and read it through. “Let’s see, uhm, Miss… Oh. Wait. The next appointment is in twenty minutes…” she said, looking back at the two mares in confusion.

“Well, duh, we don’t need an appointment to see Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes and then grinning. “Don’t’cha know who we are?”

The mare stared at the two friends, and after a moment, her eyes widened as the veil of exhaustion lifted from over her. “Oh! Oh, Miss Rarity! Miss Dash!” she blurted out, embarrassed out of her wits as she quickly left her desk to properly greet the two mares. “I-I’m terribly sorry. Princess Twilight mentioned her friends and briefly described them, but I’m just a little frazzled. My name is Felt Quill, I’m Princess Twilight’s current trainee, alongside my younger sister Felt Pen. We just moved here from Hollow Shades.”

“That’s perfectly alright, darling,” Rarity said kindly, suppressing the instinct to offer to restyle Felt’s disheveled mane. The mare looked like a right mess. “We onl—”

“What’s Twilight training you for?” Dash asked, interrupting Rarity before she could finish her question.

Felt Quill smiled. “To, uh, interview other ponies,” she said, receiving raised eyebrows in reply.

It suited Twilight, in a way, to have interviewed somepony with the express purpose of having them take over interviewing other ponies. Did that at least mean that now she’d have a bit more free time?

“Well, we won’t take much of your time. We just need to speak with Twilight for a bit, and we’ll be out of your mane,” Rarity said. Her demand, however, was met with a pained smile. “... Or not?”

“It’s just that… Princess Twilight specifically said she would only be taking job interviews today and nothing else,” Felt Quill said. “She’s very determined about getting through all of today’s interviews.”

“But if the next interview is in half an hour, then she can make an exception for us, can’t she?” Rainbow asked, flying up to the mare who now looked more intimidated than exhausted.

“I-I, w-well, I'll go see," Felt Quill said, trotting towards Twilight's closed office door. “Uhm, Princess Twilight?” she asked, knocking on the door. "May I come in?"

After a moment, she opened the door and trotted in, closing it behind her. She emerged a few minutes later, offering again yet another pained smile. “She, uh… She said she can’t meet with you right now…”

Rarity raised an eyebrow. What, Twilight couldn’t spare twenty minutes for her friends? For her almost-significant other? This won’t do at all. Initially, Rarity had only wanted to have a quick word, but now she’d be damned if she didn’t at least have a twenty-minute-long talk with the oh-so-very-busy Princess Twilight Sparkle.

“Uhm, if you’ll excuse me, she asked me to let the next interviewee in,” Felt Quill said, walking towards the door. Her path was interrupted when Rarity held her back with her magic. “Miss Rarity?”

“Just a moment, darling,” the unicorn said, realizing that the only way to play was Twilight Sparkle’s way. “The next scheduled meeting isn’t for half an hour, isn’t it?” When Felt nodded, Rarity trotted towards the desk and took one of the empty application forms. “Well then, if the only way Twilight will meet with us is through a job interview, then I am officially going job hunting!” She filled out the form, and after writing down the appropriate time, floated it over to Felt Quill. “Ta-dah! Princess Twilight now has a meeting with the lovely ‘Loving Lavender’,” she declared, smiling when Rainbow snorted at her new name.

In fact, if she was going to change her name, why not take it another step further?

"Wait a moment," she murmured, her horn lighting up as she cast a spell on her mane — a trick she'd learned at the spa. To the surprise of Rainbow and Felt Quill, Rarity's mane turned several shades lighter and it arranged herself into a bandless ponytail. She then casted a spell to change her make-up and…

"Wow, Rares!" Rainbow exclaimed, nodding approvingly. "I barely even recognize you!"

"That's the point, darling," the unicorn replied, laughing haughtily. She turned to Felt Quill and smiled. "Shall we?"

Felt Quill blinked at Rarity, unsure of what to do. It wasn’t until Rainbow Dash pushed her towards the only closed door that the mare reacted. “Uhm, Princess Twilight?” she asked, knocking on the door. She stepped inside, spoke to somepony in the room and then re-emerged. “Er, do come in, Miss Lavender.”

Rarity marched into the office with all the confidence of the fictional, job-hunting Loving Lavender, and she entered to find that Twilight was not alone in the office. There was a much younger unicorn mare, whom Rarity assumed was Felt Quill’s younger sister, sitting on a chair by the wall and furiously jotting down information on a notepad. Rarity sincerely hoped she wasn’t being overworked by the alicorn. Who was she kidding? Of course the mare was being overworked if she was forced to keep pace with the queen, or at least princess, of overachievement.

Twilight herself had her nose stuck inside a purple notebook, and without so much as glancing as Rarity, stood up from her desk. “Felt Pen, could you please take care of this for a moment? I’ll be right back,” she said, trotting right past Rarity and out of the room.

“Oh, hello!” Felt Pen greeted once Twilight was gone. She levitated Rarity’s job application toward herself and read it over. “Miss… Loving Lavender, is it?” She quickly got off the chair and pointed to the empty chairs near the larger desk. “Please take a seat! The Princess will be with you shortly,” she said before re-submerging herself in her writing.

“Oh yes, of course. Thank you,” Rarity said, doing as instructed. It seemed like most ponies really had no idea what the multiple-time saviors of Equestria looked like. Rarity suddenly felt a little guilty for lying and changing her identity, but she hadn’t expected there to be another mare with Twilight. And besides, a little fun couldn’t hurt anypony, right?

Minutes later, Twilight came back into the room and closed the door behind her. She still had her nose stuck inside the folder, which meant she again failed to notice Rarity beaming at her. Twilight sat down opposite Rarity at the desk and sighed. “Sorry about that. Had to make sure that the applicants were sorted properly,” she explained, putting the file down before levitating Rarity’s job application over and taking a look at it. “It seems that your folder was misplaced, and I thought I would have a little break because of it.

“Pardon me saying this, Your Highness, but perhaps your assistants could do with a little bit of a break themselves,” Rarity replied, pitching her voice a little higher than she usually would.

Twilight absently waved the comment away with a hoof while she continued to peruse the job application. “Alright, Miss…” she frowned. “... Loving Lavender,” she said, the tone in which she said the name quite nearly making Rarity giggle. Thank Celestia it wasn’t her real name, or else she’d be terribly offended.

“Please, Princess, call me Loving,” she drawled, delighting in how Twilight’s expression switched to a blank one as she slowly looked up to finally see Rarity.

It was almost a full half-minute in which Twilight simply stared at Rarity, while the latter could only stare back with the single most insolent grin she could muster. Twilight’s eyes shot back and forth between the job application and ‘Miss Lavender’.

“...Rarity?”

“Why, Princess!” Rarity shrieked, giggling like a flustered school filly. “How kind of you! I agree completely! I am a rare candidate indeed!” she exclaimed, winking at the alicorn. She cleared her throat and extended her hoof. “Pleasure!”

Twilight slowly lifted her hoof and shook Rarity’s. Her eyes narrowed as she did so, no doubt trying to figure out what Rarity was playing at.

“I must say, it’s quite wonderful to meet you!” Rarity said, taking back her hoof. “It feels like it’s been absolute ages since you last graced us simple ponies with a public appearance. I do hope you make time for your friends at least, even though you’re oh-so-terribly busy.”

Felt Pen timidly cleared her throat. “Princess? There isn’t much time before the next interview,” she reminded.

Twilight blinked at her. “Right…” She looked towards her desk, took a blank sheet of paper, and wrote something down before sliding it towards Rarity. She then cleared her throat and looked at the job application again. “Let’s see…”

Rarity looked at the paper, upon which Twilight had written in big capital letters: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING??”. In reply, Rarity took the pen and drew a single lovely heart, later surrounding it by a few more smaller hearts. She then slid it back to Twilight and waited for her to finish.

“So, Miss… Lov— Lavender… you’re from Canterlot,” Twilight said, a tiny smile escaping her lips despite her annoyance. If Rarity was going to make up a new life for herself, she might as well make it glamorous. “And you filled the blue form, meaning you’d like to apply for the…” All of a sudden, Twilight’s small smile turned into one just as insolent as Rarity’s. She turned the paper around so the text was showing, and pointed at the spot where the job was marked down. “Castle gardener?”

Even Miss Lavender was unable to hide her horror.

“Well, of course, dar— Princess,” she said, regaining her confident disposition. “I am terribly fond of flowers, as you can see by my name!” She then got a terribly unladylike idea, but the thought of turning Twilight into a flustering mess was simply too much to resist. She glanced at Felt Pen, and once she was sure the mare was distracted, she turned back to Twilight, biting down on her lips and devouring the alicorn with her eyes. “There are also many other lavender-colored things I love.”

The moment she finished her sentence, she was treated to the lovely sight of Twilight blushing heavily.

“I see,” Twilight said, taking some stray papers from the desk and stacking them together. She put them down, the blush still present on her face, and opened up the folder. Suddenly, her embarrassed expression was once more replaced by a teasing one. “So, Miss Lavender,” she began, extending her hoof expectantly, “May I see your resume? I am assuming you did bring one, didn’t you?” When Rarity gave her a blank stare, she gasped and placed her hoof on her chest. “Oh my! You didn’t? I’m afraid this will hinder your chances at tending the castle’s gardens,” she said, trying to sound serious despite her smug smile.

Rarity would have backed down and ended the charade then and there, if only Twilight hadn’t decided to join the game. “You are right, Princess. I have no resume to present,” Rarity said, putting on her most confident smile. “But though I did not bring it, I very much doubt I’ll need it.”

“Oh? Really?” Twilight asked, leaning in, smug smile still on her face. “You’re that confident in your abilities, are you, Miss Lavender?”

Rarity leaned forward in kind. “Oh yes,” she said, fluttering her eyelashes, “You’ll find I can be very resourceful. In fact, I could show you—”

Her offer to show Twilight the extent of her abilities was interrupted when Felt Pen got up. “Oh, sorry to interrupt,” she said sheepishly when the two other mares turned around to look at her. She timidly made her way towards Twilight and handed her a piece of paper. “You need to sign this, Princess.”

Snapped back to reality, Twilight quickly read the paper over.

Rarity took advantage of the moment, glancing at the papers on the desk. She noticed a notebook where it seemed Twilight had made a neat list of things to ask at an interview. Oh dear, wasn’t she adorable?

Her attention turned back to Twilight as the latter cleared her throat. Twilight, having finished reading, signed the paper and gave it back. Felt Pen quickly resumed her position in the chair and again immersed herself in her work. It actually surprised Rarity a bit that the unicorn hadn’t, well, reacted to the ‘interview’ currently taking place in the same room as her.

“So, what else do you need to know, Princess?” Rarity asked cheekily.

Twilight picked up her checklist and scanned it over. “Well...” She set the list back down and put on a serious front. “What are your strengths?”

Rarity took a moment to admire the mare, pretending to be taking this all quite seriously. And in a way, she was, but she had a much different goal in mind than getting the job — namely, getting Twilight even more flustered. “Well…” She leaned back, sighing deeply, before carefully replying with a straight face: “I fall in love easily.”

It was hard — very, very, very hard — not to burst out laughing at the absolutely skeptical expression that answer drew out of Twilight.

“... Right,” Twilight finally said after processing Rarity’s claim. She looked back down at her checklist, apparently at a loss of what to say. “I… suppose that can be considered an asset… somewhere.” She cleared her throat, but didn’t look up. “Perhaps that… strength would come more in handy under the service of Princess Cadance in the Crystal Empire?”

“But I’d like to serve under you, Princess!” Rarity complained, doing her best impression of puppy-dog eyes.

Rarity was certain that, if she could, her not-yet-marefriend would get up and leave the room. It seemed like even Felt Pen herself was now paying attention, and Rarity decided she actually quite liked the attention her acting was garnering.

Twilight cleared her throat and continued. “So, now that we know of your… unique strengths, could you please tell us of your weaknesses?” she asked, apparently trying to hurry the sham of an interview along.

By this point in time, Rarity had lost every shred of seriousness and plunged into the game with great excitement. “My weaknesses? Why, that’s easy,” she said as she leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table and resting her chin on her hooves in a smitten fashion. “Those violet eyes of yours, of course!”

Twilight’s entire face grew red, a fact which was not alleviated when Felt Pen finally looked up with concerned wide-eyes, looking as lost as one would after suddenly realizing her boss was getting shamelessly flirted on. “Well, Miss Ra— Lavender, I’m afraid that complimenting my eyes is not something that will get you promoted around here…” Twilight replied.

Felt Pen snorted at this, or did so until she caught her own loud commentary. Realizing she probably had no place giggling at the conundrum her boss was in, the unicorn blushed and stood up, excusing herself from the room under the guise of getting more ink for her pen. It seemed Twilight was alone in dealing with Miss Lavender.

Noticing the clock on the wall and realizing her time was almost up, Rarity decided to end the entire charade by dealing the final killing blow. Twilight would murder her for it, and if anypony found out, it would be like Hearth’s Warming come early for the local tabloids, but Rarity was the type to go out with a bang or not at all. She ran her hoof through her mane before leaning in even more and speaking in the most sultry voice she could manage: “So, what can I do to get promoted, then, darling?”

“R-RARITY!”

“So, are you gonna tell me what exactly you told Twilight to have her literally levitate you out of her office?” Rainbow Dash asked as they made their way back from the office Twilight had ‘politely’ kicked them out of. “She looked redder than one of AJ’s apples.”

“Excuse me, Rainbow, but a lady never teases and tells,” Rarity replied cheekily. Then again, a lady probably wouldn’t imply all those things to her significant other, would she? she thought, running a hoof through her mane. Twilight’s levitation had completely ruined her manestyle, and she was starting to regret her heavy teasing. Or she was until she remembered Twilight’s beet-red face and realized she regretted nothing.

“Aw, come on! It must have been something really good if you even had Twilight say she’d try to clear up her schedule so she could hang out with us more,” Rainbow insisted. “What, did you tell her you were gonna stop reading all her egghead books?” When Rarity kept quiet, Rainbow sighed dejectedly. “Not even her advisor wanted to tell me what you said…”

“That means that Twilight chose her assistants well,” Rarity pointed out, privately thanking Felt Pen’s discretion. The unicorn had taken the revelation of Rarity’s impersonation terribly well, something which Rarity was grateful for. She certainly didn’t want to leave a lasting ill impression on somepony she’d be seeing frequently.

“Well, anyway, what did Twilight say?” Rainbow asked, giving up on knowing what happened in the office.

“What did she say about what, darling?”

Rainbow raised her eyebrow. “You know, the dinner Saturday night? The one we came all this way for just so you could ask Twilight if she was coming?”

“Oh dear.” Rarity stopped and lifted her hoof up to her mouth. “I completely forgot to ask.”

Author's Note

My friend chibs sent me the original comic and said "I should RariTwi it", AND HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO SAY NO? It was a trap.

I've also noticed that I'm starting to write a lot of fics involving a Rarity+Rainbow dynamic, probably an aftermath of RariDash being my second OTP. I like to think this is me being guided towards my destiny of writing the fluffiest RariTwiDash ever. It will be as terrible as it will be glorious.

Many thanks to the artist of the original comic, Accordingtodevin and the artist of the cover art, ArcticWaters. If you spot any typos, please let me know (preferably via Pm if possible :D)! Thank you!