Dancing with myself

by Marshall_Evergreen

Rating: everyone
Tags: Romance, Spike, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 2886

Spike struggles with Applejack's death as he contemplates his own existence, realising he has many years to go before he is reunited with his beloved mare.

Sitting outside in the quiet night, in a small clearing by Sweet Apple Acres, Spike relives the best moments of his life: the moments which he spent with his beloved, Applejack. As the rain falls around him, he contemplates his own existence, realising he has many years to go before he is finally reunited with his beloved mare.

A quick, Applespike one-shot fiction.

Cover art credit goes to mt on Derpibooru.
Here's the link: https://derpibooru.org/137465?scope=scpe671f0769fa691570e54f07a9e5160f1463f75901
Cheers mate, lovely piece of art work.

19/02/2016
Got a message from Solar Pony with a link to his dramatic reading of this story! It's kinda overwhelming, but I'm super grateful to him for it.
Here's the link to the story: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GkBwrVsKqwg

Seriously guys, go check him and his channel out! Even if fan fic readings aren't your 'thing', it was certainly a pleasure to listen to.

Published 2015-09-01 00:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-01 00:00:01 UTC

Alone in the world

Autumn nights had always been Spike's favourite. It was a time for just sitting outside, watching the vibrant colours of red and gold, shift into the deepest shades of blue as the moon rose higher.

Tonight was perfect.

The sky was a dark blue, with a lighter shade of blue beyond the western horizon. A pleasant breeze was blowing through the clouds, whistling past Spike as he flew high above the ground. The air was crisp and sharp to the senses in the high altitude, whispering of a quickly approaching winter. Trecherous mountain peaks passed silently by as Spike pressed on, taking delight in the rich and golden fields below.

After cruising idly for a couple miles, Spike began to become more alert as he drew closer to his desired destination.

Far below him, valley's rolled endlessly on, fenced by mountains and hills, and in the middle of it all, sat a town. A small, cozy looking town; warm, yellow lights glowing and pulsating, shinning out from windows and street lights.

The sight was beautiful and filled him with longing. He thought of all the memories this valley held for him. It had been his home for so long. With that thought came a dread and sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach as he once more contemplated his decision for coming back.

Spike's brow furrowed as his expression became grim and serious.

He could just stop. Turn around and nopony would be any the wiser.

But he would be...

If he turned around now, he'd be turning his back on everything pure and beautiful he'd found here. That, he would not do, no matter how much pain it caused him.

He had to be honest with himself. Honest with her. She deserved that much after the last seven years he'd been away.

The wind began to pick up and Spike smiled as he noticed the dark, ominous clouds blowing in. Rain clouds. Perfect. He could relax a bit, knowing it would be harder for anypony to notice him now. That was why he'd come here at night; a near full-sized Dragon would be easy to spot in stark daylight. But he didn't want to be seen by anypony. Nopony but her.

There's a simple dirt track leading out from the farm house at Sweet Apple acres to a lonely, secluded hill. The area is surrounded by a small forested area, shutting it off from the rest of the world.

Spike circled around the area once, preparing to land, before he fell gracefully to the ground, in slow, measured movements. He certainly didn't want to startle anypony. It was also just respectful.

The hill itself, plateaued at the top, giving a flat surface to walk on.

Spike stood up on his hind legs and folded his wings in, before lumbering forward. Spike stood tall at a height of nine feet, thus he was grateful that the trees were tall enough to conceal him. Accounting for his young, tender age, Spike was actually quite tall. Of course, give him another few years and he'd be fully grown. After that, there'd be no chance of him coming here without causing a terrible stir among ponies.

Most of the ponies that had lived near to the Dragon were gone now. Moved away or moved on. The generation of his friends had passed with time. Fillies and colts were now parents and grandparents. A new generation took its place. A generation of ponies who were completely estranged and alien to him. He could always try and make new friends...

No. Frankly, he liked it that way; he didn't need any more friends passing away. He didn't need anymore 'bad reminders'.

Spike took another step forward. His head was bowed, his expression like that of a guilty and ashamed child.

The rain began to fall softly onto his shoulders and snout, washing over him in a subtle shower of wram water.

"Hi honey." Spike said softly, looking ahead. "I know I haven't been around much, but..."

Spike could feel her eyes on him, giving nothing away, her expression unreadable.

Spike began to feel the tears welling up and he choked it back. "I...I wanted to see you. Today's our anniversary, remember?"

No response.

There was silence as Spike coughed and readjusted himself. He composed himself in preparation for what he was about to say. He needed to convince her, get her to understand why.

"I know I've been away and nothing I say can make up for that. I... but I'm here now right?"

He knew that that changed nothing at all.

"I couldn't come back to you. I stayed away...b-be-because it's better that way. The kids are all grown up anyway. They don't need their old man anymore."

Spike chuckled nervously. He was just making excuses, trying to make light of situation like they had before. He wished things could still be like that. It was his fault he'd stayed away. He had to stop putting the truth off, even though it hurt...

She looked so cold.

"I joined the dragons in the north. I figured...I..."

Spike could feel the lump catch. He saw her beautiful eyes open once again in a pained expression, tears staining her cheeks. He'd done that.

Why didn't she come to him? Why didn't she run into his arms like before? He wished she would come to him, wrap her warm hooves around him and watch the stars with him, just like before. He stepped forward again and placed out a hand to caress her gentle face.

It was cold as stone.

It was too much. Spike gave in. He couldn't stand the silence anymore.

"I just want to hear you speak again!" Spike bellowed, his voice breaking.

With that, he collapsed and clutched the side of his face as his shoulders heaved, trembling. He cried into her. But she didn't hold him.

"I can't take the silence anymore! Everyday I relive it, I relive that day in hospital. I hate myself for what I've done and what I should have said. There's nothing I can do to change what I've done. So I ran. I ran and hid. I betrayed you and everything we had. I never deserved you. I ran. I flew away to the north to hide away... I just fell apart. I tried to forget you, tried to forget my guilt. I couldn't take seeing you so hurt every night when I dreamed of you."

He paused in pain, his body shaking violently as he continued to cry into her, clutching her longingly.

"So I became an animal. I tried to shut you out by becoming the greedy worm I always was at heart. I became a dragon, cold and heartless because I didn't want to feel. But you were always there. Like a ghost, you haunted every second of those seven years! I found you in my dreams. You were so hurt, because I'd left you. But I...I never meant to, I just couldn't go on without you..."

She didn't answer him.

"So I tried to forget."

Spike continued to cry away the years he'd spent in hiding. Why wouldn't she answer? Answer darn it! please...

"Why won't you answer me Applejack? Is it because I never did? Please, I just need to hear your sweet voice again. Tell me you love me. Tell me you hate me. I need to know! I need to hear it..."

"I love you, AJ. I've never loved anypony else more than you. I need you."

But he knew she could never answer him. Why would she? He'd never answered her all those years back.

Spike knealt forward and pressed his forehead against her. The rain countinued to fall around them, mixing with his tears.

"Come back AJ. I can't do it anymore." Spike whispered so only she could hear. Those words were only meant for her.

Spike lay curled up against her, putting his wing over her to protect her from the rain. He was weeping, murmuring her name in vain, trying hopelessly to call her back. For the first time since she'd left, he mourned over his beloved wife. It was time to be honest with her and with himself.

As he lay there, he replayed everyday they'd spent together; every beautiful moment.

He remembered the days he'd spent with her and the other elements, all their adventures, their memories.

There was the time they'd all gone camping. All seven and the CMC had sat around the campfire talking, singing and laughing. Good times...

Spike and Applejack had started talking, and before they knew it, they were the only ones left awake. Applejack was no different then, than she was on any other day. Maybe it had been something about the setting, the way the light fell on her, or the way her eyes glowed in the dark, but somehow, Spike had felt that feeling. The feeling he used to get around Rarity. It was a wonderful sort of tingling, a nausiating pounding and a terrible fit of shivvers wrapped up into one. She was beautiful.

The next week, he'd woken up in a cold sweat. He'd found his thoughts constantly returning to her one way or another. Months on, the dreams had become more vivid. This wasn't Rarity, it was alien territory and it filled him with fear, but caused him to buzz with excitement. He started fantasising about her, noticing every one of her qualities.

A year passed and he'd dreamed up everything he could say. He'd explored every possibility, thought and prepared for every outcome. It was time to act!

He remembered the party. It had been another of Pinkie's social gatherings. He was taller now and visibly older. Applejack stood across the room laughing together with her friends. Spike had gazed at her, then bravely crossed the room, fists clenched tight. He'd stood in front of them. They turned to look and smile at him, but he'd only seen Applejack.

She smiled, wearing a genuine, friendly expression, looking at him expectantly.

Spike froze up, threw his hand out like a petrified idiot. He'd tried to put on a serious expression, but instead, looked more nervous and embarrassed than anything. Everything he'd prepared to say flew out the window (along with most of his English). He stumbled a bit, then exhaled deeply.

"Do you wanna dance AJ?" Spike had spat out in a torrent of nervous babble. "I mean, if you don't that's okay, it was just that I thought you might..."

"Ah'd love to."

"Me neither, I mean just...wait. You would?"

Applejack nodded happily, smiling up at him.

Bliss and perfection ensued. They talked and laughed and danced. He was guilty of having gotten lost in her eyes a couple times. They'd spent the rest of the night together just sharing in each others company.

That night, he'd danced with himself around the room. Nothing could have compared to how he'd felt then.

Or so he thought.

A couple dates later, they sat together on a lonely, secluded hill behind Sweet Apple acres, completely encircled about by trees. It had been an Autumn night. Spike lay on his back with his hands tucked behind his head. Applejack lay curled up against him, her head resting on his chest, feeling it rise and fall in rhythm.

"Spike?"

the soft melody of her voice called him to attention.

"Hmm." Spike had mused in utter bliss.

"What woulda happened...if, say, you hadn't asked me ta dance that night?"

Spike's brow furrowed. Girls. Trust them to ask the most obscure questions. Better answer correctly.

He propped himself up on his arms to look at her.

Celestia was she cute.

"Dunno. I want to say I would have still asked you out eventually...But honsetly, I'm not sure."

He'd used the word 'honestly', so that must have won him some points.

"Why do you ask?"

Applejack blushed and tucked her hair behind her ear nervously. Did she know that drove him crazy?

"Ah just wonder sometimes...if maybe, you were still inta likin' Rarity 'n' all..." Her voice faded.

Uh-oh. She was bringing past crushes. Better pull out an 'Ace' before things got out-of-hoof.

Spike quickly pulled her in for a kiss, classically interupting her mid-scentance. She soon responded pushing against him, wrapping her hooves up around his neck. It was a long, sweet and passionate kiss, one that Spike hoped spoke louder than his words alone.

They pulled away, both blushing.

"Applejack," Spike said, "Rarity is gorgeous and any colt is lucky to have her..."

"Spike." Applejack pouted, with a hint of sadness in her voice.

"But not as lucky as I am to have you. No words can express what I feel for you. I love you Applejack. And I will love you everyday of my life."

Applejack smiled and nuzzled his chest as he wrapped his arms around her.

"And everyday more."

"Always?"

"Always."

Things moved quickly on from then. Within the next years of their lives they were married and became parents to a nest full of children. It was always so noisy, always something to be done. He had to work every hour. But it was worth it. He loved his family and gave every bit of himself for them. Because they deserved more than he could ever give them.

They lived their lives together as a family, the Apple way.

He remembered looking into his wife's eyes one night as they lay in bed, ending another day of hard work. In that moment he felt more than he ever thought possible. So much peace, joy and love, it wasn't possible to contain. He was a father to a fantastic family and married to a loving, faithful wife. They were his. In that moment, that brilliant moment, everything he lived for and dreamed of was captured.

Now just a memory...

He'd been there, at her bedside. He would never have left her side.

She lay there sick and old, at the end of her life, while Spike was only just getting through over a quarter of his life. He'd held her hoof and talked to her every moment. They were in the hospital, in a clean, white, artificial room. The heart monitor beeping steadily, threatening to drop at any moment.

She had been so happy; so at peace. How? What would happen to him. Spike knew it was selfish, but he couldn't let her go. Not then.

"Applejack...Are you scared?" Spike had asked, fighting back tears.

"Not when you're here." She'd smiled placing her hoof on his hand.

Spike had glanced at her hoof, but felt unable to look her in the eye.

"Spike. Spike, look at me."

Spike looked up, his eyes wide and sorrowful.

"Do you love me?" Applejack asked with a withered smile.

That smile was just as genuine as the one she'd worn all those years back at the dance. It was the same Applejack he loved. No matter how old she was, her beauty never faded for Spike.

"What kind of a question..."

"Spike, please. For me. I just wanna hear ya say it, sugarcube. One last time."

He couldn't do it. His words were caught in the lump in his throat. He couldn't breath. Saying those words would mean defeat. She couldn't leave, not now. Not like...

"Spike?"

The pulse on the heart monitor began to increase.

"I...I..."

"Spike please?"

The pulse continued to increase.

He could hear her voice straining. He had to say it. He needed to say it! But he just couldn't.

"I..."

"Spike..."

Spike couldn't think anymore. This wasn't happening. She couldn't leave him.

"I...I..."

The pulse stopped.

A high-pitched screech filled his ears. It was a sound that cut straight through him, making the seconds span into eternity.

"A-A...AJ? Honey?"

...

...

...

"No...no, no, no..."

"APPLEJACK!"

He hadn't answered her. She'd made one request, and he'd failed her.

She must hate him. How could he have betrayed her?

Autumn mornings had always been Applejack's favourite. It was a time for just sitting outside, watching the deep blue of the night, give way to the vibrant colours of red and gold as dawn approached.

Today was perfect.

The sky was a light blue, with shades of orange and pink rimming around the eastern horizon. A pleasant breeze was blowing through, the air crisp and envigourating. The sun peaked above the mountains and clouds, drying up the land from last night's down pour.

Behind Sweet Apple acres, sits a lonely, secluded hill, surrounded by a small forested area, shutting it off from the rest of the world.

Droplets of rain fell like teardrops from the leaves, as the morning shook them awake to a new day.

Everywhere was wet. Everywhere except one place.

Near the edge of the forest, there is a peculiarly large ring of dry grass, its owner, long gone.

And in the middle of the ring, sat a stone, perfectly dry.

On it was a date, a name and inscription embossed on the grey stone. Just one word.

Always.

Applejack had never wanted anything fancy for her grave.

The End

Author's Note

Like, comment, follow, do whatever you guys do.

Hope you enjoyed this.

Marshall out.