Pinkie Pie Investigations: A Bootleg Fluttershy

by Karibela

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 7561

Are you sure that's Fluttershy? Really?

There's something up in Ponyville, and it all revolves around our favourite yellow mare.

Pinkie wants to find out. Will she uncover the truth, or will she be silenced?

It's time to find out.

Published 2015-09-01 00:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-05 11:17:24 UTC

Terror in the Skies

“Snore…. snooooooooore….. snore……”

~~...Twelve constituencies from around the Equine globe have already gotten their votes in, Dirk. The bill’s gonna be decided as soon as the last remaining representatives from Ponyville— ~~ *Bleeep.*

Woken up by the rambunctious blaring of the news theme, Rainbow turned her television off.

“A-... Ah… wha, what time issit… ugh… what a night.”

Rainbow gave another wide yawn, closing her eyes and stretched her hooves as she did. Having done so, she took the chance to look around.

Yup, her cloud-home was pretty much the mess she left it in. The TV was showing static, a pizza-box had been strewn across the floor, making the cloud a faint orangey colour… the couch is a mess, Pinkie’s floating and crashed halfway through my wardrobe in a hot air balloon, my clothes are—

“Wait, wha? PINKIE!”

She was caught on the bottom of the balloon, which was then caught on the wardrobe, which stopped her from floating off any further. Pinkie turned around, using her hooves like air-paddles to rotate. “Hey there, sleepy-head. Sorry about the whole turning-around thing! I bet my overinflated belly you were in a SWS sleep, like Twilight said, so I thought it’d be creepy if I was just lookin’ over you the whole time.”

Rainbow blinked, stunned. Then she blinked again. Nope, still stunned.

“Yeah, something tells me that’s not what’s bothering me, Pinkie. Maybe something else that, y’know, stands out a bit more?”

Pinkie raised her brow and pouted her lips, making her resemble a puzzled pufferfish. “Like what?”

“Well-uh, huh, the whole: ‘I’m a bloated pony floating in a balloon crashed into my friend’s house’ for starters! What about that?”

Pinkie frowned. “What about it?”

Rainbow couldn't believe her ears. “Whaddya mean what about it!? You could’a scratched Tank’s shell with this kind of aerial bombardment!”

At that, Pinkie smirked. Then grinned, then after that, smiled wide, showing her teeth. Her cheeks were getting redder. Is this it? My friend’s gonna blow up!  “No, Pinkie! I didn’t mean it, I—”

“BWA hahahahahaahahahaaaaa, hahahahahahahahaha! Ohhhh, hahahahahahaaha whataboutit haa ha ha haaaaa...”

She whizzed around the cloud like a moth on a light. Rainbow piled onto the floor, ducking for her life as the crazed crazy flew around faster than… well, not herself, but fast enough to be the scariest thing within the vicinity.

Once it was all over, she looked up. There was Pinkie, sat on her whicker balloon seat, looking right back at her.

She was grinning at first, but after a glimpse of Rainbow’s terrified expression, she loosened her lower lip. “That was real mean of me, wasn’t it? Laughing at you like that… I didn’t know you’d forgotten your memory, Dash! Don’t worry, I’ll explain it real slow, just for you...

“Y’see Dash, this is the fifty-first time I’ve done this. Maybe not the fifty-first time I’ve crashed into your house though, that was an accident. Sorry! But anyways, yeah, I totally do this all the time. You probably sleep through it most of the time, that’s why you don’t notice it. Well, either that, or you've lost your memory.

“It’s because of the clouds, see. When I get sleepy, I get all thinky. Sometimes I think about clouds. They look kinda like cotton candy, don’t they? But what if they are cotton candy, right? So I go up here and check once in a while. After I eat, like, twenty pounds of the stuff, it makes me kinda gassy. That’s why I turn into a balloon! Neat, huh?

“I had to get something to stand on. Usually I ask the nice weatherponies if I can use their balloon, but last night they weren’t around. I borrowed this time, but I’ll totally give it back to them when I get back. That’s just fair!”

Rainbow hadn’t changed much since the last minute of explanation. Blinking, and it still didn’t change much. “I… uh… ‘kay. Y’know what, Pinkie? You do that. You do that good. And while you do that, I’m gonna stay here, you’re gonna give that balloon back, and then we’ll never say this happened to anypony, ever. Sound like a plan?”

Pinkie rolled her eyes at the disheveled heap of pony. “Tsk tsk tsk. Rainbow Dash, always makin’ a meal out of a molehill. Honestly, you’re inflating this issue for way more than it’s worth.

“Anyway, remember what I said, Dash. Meals outta molehills; don’t do it! Huh, that sounds tasty… uh, yeah, see ya!”

Miss P, Piloting Extraordinaire

“Nope! NOPE! That’s not gonna work… no, down a bit more. Up a bit more! Oh no oh no oh no, I’m gonna crash! I’m gonna crash for sure! INCOMING…. oh, no wait, I’m okay.”

Pinkie manouvered the balloon to the ground, barely, and managed to park it up on the grass. “Phew,” she muttered. Having looked around, she saw two ponies approaching her basket: just the two ponies she was looking for.

“Yeah, that was a very strong landing that you succeeded with there, Pinkie Pie!” said Moonchaser.

“Pff, strong?” Pinkie replied, getting out of the basket as she did so. “Listen babe, this here Pinkie Pie you’re talking to? Two words: Ace pilot. There wasn’t a chance I’d have really thought I was in any danger.”

Serendipity looked at her curiously. “Um, excuse me, Pinkie? I am of the most ensurity you were screaming for half that trip. Trust me, we could easily hear you from here.”

Pinkie threw a hoof at her. Not literally, but she did accidentally scrape the poor mare’s hair, fluffing Serendipity’s fringe over her eyes. “Nah, you must’ve been hearing it wrong. Really, that’s the second time today that someone’s had a problem… first Rainbow with her memory, now you! Speaking of which… that’s a weird accent y’got there, girls! I never knew you could do proper Equine like the aristo-whatsits.”

The two looked somewhat shocked, and turned to one another. Pinkie crossed her hooves she hadn’t said anything out of turn, and an awkward pause ensued.

That is, until Cloudchaser broke it. “Well Butterbees, sugarcube, that ain’t a’thing I thought you’d notice! How’s about this’un, then?”

Pinkie broke into glee. “Woah. That’s the best Applejack expression ah ever done heard! How’d you learn that? You’ve gotta tell me... and by the way, what are ‘butterbees’?”

“Well Butterbees, Pinkie,” Serendipity said, “The hell if I know!” Cloudchaser nodded in the background. “We were just copyin’ what Applejack said, she says it all th’ time. Dont’cha know it’s ‘copyin’ the Apple family’ week down at th’weather station?”

“That’s cool,” Pinkie said. “You’ve gotta teach me, girls. I need to know every language in all Equestria, in fact… that’ll be my mission from now on! It’ll be so fun, and so cool, and, and...”

Pinkie stopped in her tracks. A voice, hardened by sorrow, hailed from the clouds. “Pinkie. Stop interrupting weathermares. Do what I told you, leave ‘em in peace, please...”

Oh yeah, she thought, the balloon. Thanks for reminding me, Dash!

For the love of all that is pastel-coloured get on with it, replied Pinkie’s imagination-Rainbow voice.

“Well, I better give you back your hot air balloon, girls.” Pinkie grinned sheepishly. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

Cloudchase pursed her lips. “Well Butterbees, Pinks, I don’t think I ever gave y’ permission in the first place. But thank y’ anyway, I suppose.”

At that, Cloudchaser walked herself over to one side of the balloon. Serendipity smiled at Pinkie before going next to the basket as well— however, she took the position opposite to her accomplice on the other side. They both started hauling the massive balloon with impressive strength, and in a matter of minutes, they had it off the ground, and were flying towards the direction Pinkie assumed was where the weather station would be.

Now that’s a couple I like, she thought. Just enough spice to make ‘em interesting. More interesting than sleepy ol’ Dash, anyway. Well, I guess that’s that then… back to home now. I’d hate to think the Cakes might get worried about me.

~~

As Pinkie skipped down the road to Ponyville, she hummed along a ditty from her choir-days. As the conductor always said, “Why not practise when you have the time?”

While she did so, her attention flicked from one thing to another. Birds, fields, angry Rainbow… and then Fluttershy. She saw the yellow mare maybe a mile in front of her, going the same way.

Interested to see her friend, Pinkie increased skipping speed to pretty much as fast as Equinely possible (borderline tripping over her own hooves), and soon made the distance. In next to no time she was right behind Fluttershy, and made sure to make herself noticed when the yellow mare didn’t turn around at first.

“Say Fluttershy, I didn’t know you went down this road! Well, now I do, and ain’t it half a trek, huh. How’re you doing?”

Fluttershy turned her head and stopped. She paused before she talked, and in that small pause, a stem of fear struck through Pinkie Pie. It struck her fast, even faster than her deflating in Rainbow’s cloud-house.

The first thing that hit her were the eyes. Fluttershy’s were normally pretty sweet, pretty innocent… not a carbon-copy of Rarity’s. If that sounds strange, then you wouldn’t believe the rest; it was the hair that really sealed the deal. She was surprised that she hadn’t noticed it sooner from the back, but Fluttershy’s mane was a horrid mixture of her own beautiful style, coloured the same shade of light blue that Rainbow… ugh. She could barely contain her revulsion.

“Hey, Pinkie,” Fluttershy said. “What’s the matter? You look like you’ve seen a ghost… there isn’t a ghost around, is there? Uh, Pinkie?”

Pinkie decided not to comment. Instead, she hid in a bush. Perfect.

Fluttershy paused. “I can still see you, y’know.”

.

.

“Uh, Pinkie? You’re not fooling anypony.”

.

.

.

“Well, uh… bye then.”

As soon as Fluttershy had walked away, Pinkie peered back at her through the leaves. “I can bet my hoof on it that there’s something wrong with her.” Awkwardly stepping out of the bush, she found her legs, and with them, a sense for mystery. “And if there’s a detective in Equestria that can sniff it out, it’s Pinkie! I’m on your case, Flutter-shy, if that IS your real name!”

What if I'm Right?

Twilight winked at the Pinkie on her doorstep. “Well, hey to you too, Pinkie! So… Fluttershy. You’re saying she’s been looking strange recently?”

“That’s exactly what I’m saying! She has weird coloured hair, and on top of that, it’s all the wrong style...”

“Yeah, huh,” Rainbow said, still snoozing on her cloud. “How d’you know she hasn’t just gone to a new hair stylist or something?”

“That’s not all! Her eyes were kind of shaped like Rarity’s, too... how weird is that?”

“Oh darling, that’s nothing to worry about!” Rarity said herself, having just opened the boutique. “Some ponies might get a little sensitive to the sunlight, I’m sure. And what if she’s caught some horrible infection? Oh dear, I had best leave her out of my photoshoots for a while, hmm!”

“But… but that makes no sense! She has to be an imposter, I just know it. She hasn’t said a word of this transformation to anypony yet, has she?”

“Well Butterbees,” said AJ, “I think yer onto a loose thread trail goin’ up the wrong tree, Pinks. It ain’t obvious, but sometimes a pony needs some quiet reflection time-like t’get the best of themselves. It’s just a phase, Ah’m sure.”

Pinkie’s expression turned into something like a sad puppy’s. “B-but, AJ… I really, really think she isn’t right. Why can’t any of you see that?”

“Well Butterbees, Pinks. If it’s such a problem on the membrane, y’might as well go see to lookin’ further into it. Ah’m tellin’ you though: she’s fine, and y’needn’t worry yerself witless. She looks fine t’me, anywho.”

Pinkie pondered on what she’d said. “Yeah… look into it. Of course! It’s time for some high-quality information gathering from yours truly. Thanks, AJ. I might not’ve thought it if you didn’t ‘butterbee’ me into my next phase of investigation, huh?”

~~

Plan in mind, Pinkie rushed to town in search of Fluttershy. What plan, you may ask? It was simple: find any peculiar places the mare went to, secret hideout-style peculiar places, and follow her in. Once there, Pinkie would detective her way in under a fedora, acting like inconspicuous, then…

But wait; that didn’t happen. In fact, When she did find Fluttershy, she found that spending five hours or so following her into the depths of the criminal underworld… was not a thing.

Fluttershy pretty much did the same thing any other normal, bland-as-balsa wood pony would do. She went to the market, talked to ponies, strolled back home and cared for her animals, except there was something strange with how she did it.

When she went to market and bought something, the way she hoofed over her bits was strange. In fact, she never truly hoofed them over at all. When she talked to ponies, they were literally anypony, not just the ones she knew, and the conversation always stayed eerily similar.

Even when she cared for her animals, there was something amiss. Carrots in the bear’s bowl and fish for the bunny. The animals weren’t the only ones who noticed, and were causing an uproar before she flew off back to town.

Pinkie used it as an excuse to investigate further. “Mr. Bear! You don’t think this is the real Fluttershy, right?”

The bear had a clueless expression and shrugged at first, but having looked at the bunny shaking his head furiously behind him, the bear sighed, looked up with mopey eyes, and shook his head too.

From a distance it would look normal, but to a close-up investigator like Pinkie Pie… it was all too clear. Something was wrong about her favourite yellow mare, and there was only one place left to check…

“Check?” Pinkie said aloud to herself as she walked on the path to Sugarcube Corner. “Nah, that’s not the right word. More like, ‘sleep’, ‘cuz investigative work is super tiring. It makes you hungry, too. I hope there’s some mint cookies left around from last night!”

~~

Pinkie burst into the bakery as happy as could be, until she suddenly realised that the Cake’s weren’t the only ones present. There was ‘Fluttershy’, being served at the counter by Mr. Cake!

“What the!” Pinkie shouted. “How’d you know I was gonna go here? You’re not spying on me, are you, ‘Miss Fluttershy’?”

Fluttershy’s cyan mane bounced as she turned. She paused. “P-Pinkie! I didn’t know you were here, honest. I haven’t spied on anypony!”

Oh yeah, of course, Pinkie thought, correcting herself. That’s what I was doing. “Still! It musta taken some Rarity-esque treatment to make yourself look like the real Fluttershy, but you missed three important things. First, the colour of her mane? Phsaw, it’s all wrong! It’s totally supposed to be a shade of, uh,” she said fumbling a lapse in her memory, “Pink. Yeah, that’s it! And secondly, speaking of the mane...”

A crash from the kitchen, presumably by Mrs. Cake, stopped Pinkie in her tracks. “Pinkamena Diane Pie!” shouted a nagging voice from the kitchen, “When have we ever told you to hold an inquisition when meeting customers?”

 Another crash. “She’s right, Pinkie,” Mr. Cake said. He had a stern face that she’d only seen when he was really disappointed. “You should be able to accept your friends for who they are as ponies on the inside, not what they look on the outside.”

Pinkie couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Sweat began pouring down her brow. “B-but, Fluttershy, she’s clearly n-not-”

There was yet another crash from the kitchen before Mr. Cake started talking again. “Look. I’ve heard all about this from everypony that’s come here today. ‘Pinkie’s stalking Fluttershy, she’s acting cookier than a clown’. This really isn’t the kind of attitude you want to be showing everypony, Pinkie! Remember the disgraceful deal with Zecora a few years back?  It certainly isn’t the kind of attitude we want to show around here, either.”

Now the sweat turned to tears, as Pinkie looked guilty back at Mr. Cake as he kept talking. She hardly even heard the crash from the kitchens this time. “Pinkie Pie, I really hate to do this in front of your ‘friend’ and all, but… I’m gonna have to send you to your room. Now. You’ve got to reflect on how this could hurt people’s feelings.”

Pinkie dashed to her room, wishing they weren’t looking at her. She closed the door then locked it, and sat enveloped in her beanbag, destitute.

The Other Question

What if I’m wrong?

The question had been pondered by Pinkie multiple times for the last thirty minutes. Every time the accusation was thrown out, ridiculed by her conscience; every time but this one, that is.

“I’m usually always the one in groups and parties, but this time… I’m the only one left out. Everypony thinks I’m wrong about it, and if that isn’t proof that I’m in the wrong, well… what is?

“I’m really all alone here. Nopony’ll smile if I keep this up! I mean… what’s the matter with a bit of a change now and then, anyway?”

She looked up at the door, still closed and locked. “Y’know… I don’t mind being wrong every now and then. What’s the point in being friends if you can’t admit that?”

Knowing in her heart the true moral of this story, Pinkie stood up. She walked to the door, unlocked it, and pulled the door.

Fluttershy stood on the other side. She paused. “H-hi, Pinkie. Can I come in?”

Pinkie smiled. “Sure, Fluttershy. Sure.”

Fluttershy paused to smile back. “Is it okay if I set this alarm on?”

“Of course, Fluttershy. You’re my friend, and I’ve learnt my lesson.”

The alarm emerged from a top hatch just out of reach of Fluttershy’s bubble-hair. It made a loud, nasal voice that pulsed through the room. “WoooOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooo....”

Fluttershy paused. “I’m happy you’ve made this decision, Pinkie.”

“WoooOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooo....”

Pinkie embraced her friend in a hug. “Me too, Fluttershy, me too...”

“WoooOOOOooooooOOOOOoooooOOOOoooo....”

*Clang*

“Hey, wait a sec… why is your body so hollow, and... clangy?!”

Pinkie’s eyes darted to the blaring alarm, then to her hooves. She prodded the side of Fluttershy again. *Clang.* She looked into her ‘friends’ eyes. Wait a Butterbee-darned-second, her eyes are purple, she’s got an alarm coming out of her barrel, and this chic’s totally a robot!

Pinkie knew what to do. She’d trained for this. Well, by training, she’d meant thinking about what to do in one of her ‘prepare-for-worst dreamsleeps’. Some self-help pony told me to do learning every minute of every day, even sleeping. Huh, it finally paid off!

She thought as she kept hugging Fluttershy, acting as non-suspicious as possible. So, in the dream, when I found a robot, what did I do? I kicked their head off, right? Well, here goes nothing...

Pinkie ended the embrace, and stepped back from Fluttershy. “Hey, Fluttershy! Nice alarm, it really brings out your eyes.”

Fluttershy paused. “Thanks.”

“Now what y’really need is… a hooficure! HYAH!”

She kicked like a monk from the frozenlands, and delivering the blow, Fluttershy’s left a trail of wires and circuits behind as it exploded. Fumes and steam piled into the room, and the debris made a huge mess, but “WOAH that was so cool! I just bust a robot! I was all like, HYAH! Fluttershy? More like Flutterbot, ha!”

Breathing in all that she’d just done, and still in a bit of a shock that it had actually just happened, Pinkie took a while before she realised the complications of the reality she had by chance created. “Wait a sec… if that was Flutterbot, then… where’s Fluttershy!?”

~~

*BumpBumpBumpBump, Bump, Bump, BUMP*

“Twilight! Twi-light!”

“Coming, coming,” said a muffled voice back behind the door. When it opened, she winked at Pinkie. “Hey, what’s the matter? I mean, you usually bump on my door like crazy, but d’you have to do it so loud?”

Pinkie rampaged into the library. “It’s Fluttershy! Y’know how I said she was an imposter, huh, huh? Well… she’s not only an imposter, she’s a robot!”

Twilight was thrown back by what she said, winking in… frustration? Well, winking regardless. “You’re saying she’s a robot? That’s crazy!”

Pinkie nodded frantically. “Uh huh, uh huh… well, used to be a robot. And besides, sometimes, when something’s crazy, it just might be true!”

Twilight winked back, which we can assume means she was blinking at this point, but for whatever reason she was still doing it with her right eye. “Don’t worry, I’ll call Spike. SPIKE!” she shouted, looking back to the stairs. “There we go. We’ll investigate this as soon as we have the time. When you told me at first, I thought you were mad… but from what you’re saying here, I can’t help but say it’s the truth.”

“Oh, cool!” Pinkie said, smiling. “I thought it was gonna be way harder to convince you. Nopony around here seems to listen to me about this, it’s really weird.” She sighed, wiping sweat from her brow. It’s all finally going to be solved.

She looked back at Twilight. “On a different note, have you looked into the whole right-eye-blinking thing? Might be contagious!”

Twilight winked, grinning back at her. “Nah, I’m pretty sure it’s not contagious, Pinkie. Oh look! There’s Spike.”

Pinkie turned, and when she saw him, the plucky faced dragon she’d known and loved, looked on in horror at her friend’s assistant.

Well, that was the thing about him… he wasn’t her friend’s assistant. Far from it. The dragon was clearly metallical, had red eyes, and steam coming out of a pipe from his barrel… eerily similar to something else she’d seen earlier that day.

“Sp-Sp-Spike!” Pinkie stuttered, slowly walking backwards. “What the hay have you been eating?”

The ‘dragon’ walked beside Twilight, and stopped entirely. Twilight smiled as she looked at him. The ‘dragon’ turned his head in the most efficient way possible. His head vibrated slightly when it stopped turning. “GEMS, Of Course. But Mostly Oil!~~”

Pinkie darted back to Twilight, and saw that she was still smiling, moving towards her in co-ordinated movements. An alarm emerged from behind Twilight’s hair, and she winked. “When something’s crazy, it might just be true!”

“HolymoleyHoleymoleyHoleyMoleyHOLYMOLE-!”

Pinkie turned to run, hit her head on the now-closed door and blanked out.

The... Question After The Other Question

Where am I?

Pinkie opened her eyes, and seconds later, she felt a massive headache. It was weird. She’d been dreaming great, until her tail started wagging in the ‘Important information to get you out of jail,’ shake, and it bolted her out of sleep.

Looking around, she was in darkness, aside from the tiniest rectangle of light on the floor to the right of her. It was a damp, lukewarm room, and feeling the dirt and rock ground, she assumed it was a cave of some sort.

 “H-hello! Is anypony there?”

A short while after she said it, Pinkie could hear cackling from far away, muffled by the walls. They didn’t respond, but they were getting closer, their voices heading towards the rectangle of light. Pinkie got up unevenly from the ground, and walked towards it herself.

Before long, she’d reached a wall. The voices were much louder, and she could make out words. “...Ahnd so, tha’nother pretty pony has been capturad at last! Tick it off tha list, Miss Heartstrings, heh, heh…”

Pinkie picked up another, much more perky voice. “Top Dog, Mr. Skunky! There’s only one more on the list. She’s called, ‘Rainbow Dash’. Huh… what a crazy mane!”

“Ah, so crazy indeed! She will navar be noticed. She sleeps all tha day, yes? No one will be the whyzar. Parhaps, heh heh, we cald make har say, ‘Snore, Snore,’ whenevar she talks, har starter, heh!”

“Top Dog! I’ll go deliver this water pail to the still-asleep prisoner then, sir!”

“Af course, af course. Ahnd remembar, tha new Pinkie… har starter is ‘Cahndy ahnd Cakes’, yes? Don’t feed the wrong one, we don’t need anathar robo-pony being overflown with watar!”

The weird voice started cackling again, and it eventually disappeared back the way it came. In the meantime, the door opened, showering the grey-brown cave with light. The mint-coloured robo-pony walked in with a pail of dark-coloured water hung on a crane extended from her body. “Top Dog! Say... I thought you were asleep. How’re you doing, Prisoner Pinkie?”

Pinkie almost spoke, before shutting herself up quickly. Wait. My tail totally just wagged, remember? Maybe something I’ve just heard is crucial to getting me outta here! She thought about it some more, before a burst of realisation came to her. She knew what she had to do.

“Candy and Cakes, I’m not a prisoner, silly!”

The pause was terrifying. Pinkie looked at Robo-Lyra, Robo Lyra looked at Pinkie. I hope she doesn’t notice I’m sweating, or I’m toast....

“Top Dog.... well… huh!” Lyrabot smiled cheerfully. “How’d you get there, Robo-Pinkie? I thought you were still in the machine facility getting a last minute check-up.”

“Candy and Cakes, I, uh… got lost? Yeah, that’s it. This is a… really big place! Mind showing me around?”

Lyrabot nodded. “Sure! Let me just get rid of this bucket,” she said, using the crane to lower the bucket to the floor. “There we go. C’mon! I’ll show you the way around.”

Lyrabot was more than happy to show every part of the cave complex with bright and happy commentary.  “Here’s the workshop facility, where hundreds upon hundreds of roboponies just like me and you are made! They kinda get some wrong every now and then, but you can’t blame the masters! Their eyesight is kinda poor from staying in these caves all this time.”

Having assumed that Pinkie said her conversation starter, she continued by saying “Why does everyponybot have to say stuff at the start?”

“Top Dog, duuh! In order to program us bots with AI, we need to have a starting prompt to get all the gears moving in the right direction. Plus, it distinguishes us from the normies. Double plus,” she said, catcalling a couple of bots over, “It makes our masters laugh. Whatd’ya say to that, Zecorabot?”

The weird thing about Zecorabot was her ‘hooves’ and her tail, both replaced by a griffons like a draconequus. “Ponies Suck, it’s very true, Lyrabot. As if by luck, I don’t mind having a good laugh about it either.”

The other one, Big Macinbot, spoke up. “Zebras Suck Too, but it sure does get problematic a’times. If I ain’t within close vicinity of Zecorabot here at all times, well, my sayin’ just don’t make a lot o’ sense… yuup, that’s why they hauled me on down here ‘stead of the ground-level.”

Pinkie turned to the two of them. “Uh, cool! So… how about those... prisoner normies, huh? The ones that you’re modelled after, where are they?”

Zecorabot answered. “Well friend, they all closed them up on the right wing. I’m sure Lyrabot can assist you there, yes?”

Lyrabot squealed like an excited keyboard. “Of course! Anynormie you were looking for particularly, Pinkiebot?”

Pinkie thought for a moment. “Well, now that y’say it… yeah. I was meant to guard… Twilight Sparkle. Could you take me to her?”

~~

As soon as Lyrabot shut the door, Pinkie rushed to her now famished friend. “Twilight! Are you okay?”

Twilight squinted at her as the light from outside disappeared. Pinkie could tell that she tried to light her horn up, but she seemed to be struggling. She could just barely see the steel manacle fastened on her horn.

“P, Pinkie...” Twilight muttered, her voice echoing through the caveroom. She looked distraught. “No, wait. You’re one of them. I heard you say it down the hallway, ‘Cakes’ and, and whatever.”

Pinkie sternly shook her head. “False. Incorrect. I’m Pinkie Pie, silly! The real deal, the intrepid detective, the one and only Pink Pony! And I’m here to save your rump. Lemme get that thing off your head.”

“C-careful… it’s tight.”

Pinkie shrugged off her friend’s worries, and went to pulling off the manacle. She tried pulling it off for a short while, not finding any real progress, before she realised that there was a small, indented button on the middle of the manacle, too small for a hoof. She thought on it for a second.

“Pinkie… what’re you- don’t lick my head, t-that’s gross!”

“Sto’ squir’ing!” Pinkie replied. She pressed the button, and it made a satisfying ‘click’. “Annn…. don’.”

The manacle fell. As soon as it reached the floor, Twilight glowed her horn. She was wide-eyed, worn, tired, and looking at Pinkie in disbelief, before lunging at her with both hooves into a passionate hug. “Oh, thank you so much, Pinkie, I’m so-so-so sorry I doubted you! Thank-you thank-you thank-you!”

Pinkie blushed. “Heh, well… just doing my job. Wha’d’they even feed you down here? You don’t look near as perky and purple as you usually do.”

“Dry grass and water for days, Pinkie… they’ve hidden everypony in Ponyville down here, those horrible replica-ponies. I’ve been stuck here for days, and I just don’t get it… what’s all this for? You know, right?”

Pinkie thought for a second. She cringed. “Eh…. not exactly. But well, what I do know, is we  and every other pony need to get outta here, stat! Grass and water… not even a cupcake? Ponies can’t live off’a that, that’s crazy!”

 “Don’t worry about an escape plan,” Twilight said. “All the while, I’ve had plenty of time to think up dozens of different methods. All of them were stopped by one little thing, and that isn’t a problem anymore. Let’s go.”

HYAH!

“Top dog! Top dog! GET OUTTA HERE, THE NORMIES ARE FIGHTING BACK!”

Chaoes ensued as soon as Twilight blasted open every other prison door. Cogs and gears went flying in every direction, as Pinkie and her friends fought their way to find an exit.

“Hey, Pinkie!”  Spike yelled. “You know where we’re going, right?”

“Uh… not exactly. I wasn’t awake when I was brought in.”

“Here, I think there’s a door here,” Lyra shouted. The Pinkie and the rest of Ponyville turned. She saw the strong-looking wooden door in the corner, close and presumably locked.

Pinkie looked to Twilight. “Think we can get through that?”

Twilight laughed. “Friend, I can blow up anything.”

The door exploded in a fiery mess as Pinkie and her friends poured through as the front of the group. Inside was a table, some hooded figures, and cards on the table.

One of the hooded figures turned to them. He dropped his hood. He was a diamond dog. “Oh, u-uh… hi thar. W-want to play, yes?”

~~

The only dog that wasn’t frozen in place was held forcibly levitated to the wall. “P-P-Please don’t hart me! I, I don’ wanna hart nobady. Pleease!”

Twilight grinned. “I won’t hurt you… as long as you tell the truth. Pinkie, you wanna deal with this?”

She nodded, “With pleasure.” She ran up to the diamond dog held suspended without lower-body movement, and eyed him carefully. “What’sa deal, eh? Why’re you replacing all the ponies with your… propost… uh… imposters! Yeah!”

“I danno! I navar knew the plans, honast! I jast did what he say, and he say to me, ah, ‘stall’, yes?”

Pinkie raised her brow. “Stall? Whaddya mean, ‘stall’?”

The diamond dog paused for a moment. “Ah…. ah, for time, yes? Stall, like, ah, keep ponies in waitang for samthing. That’s what he said!”

Pinkie moved back, sitting on the lap of one of the frozen diamond dogs sitting on a stool. “Huh… pretty cold, Twilight! Why don’tcha ever go into the ice-cream business?”

“I’m going through the formalities process as we speak,” Twilight beamed.

Pinkie perked up. “Great!” She darted her focus back on the diamond dog. “So, y’say ‘waiting for something’, huh? What’re you stalling us for?”

The diamond dog was sweating bullets. “All ah know is… thar’s a package that’s being dalivared to Canterlot, today. Very important. T-that’s why I was tald to stall. Bat I don’t know what is in the package! None of as do, top secret!”

There was silent shock throughout the room, as every pony was attempting to process what he had just said.

“A p-package?” Twilight muttered.

“Well, Butterbees,” some orange mare, we’re not entirely sure what her name is, said.

The room turned to stare at her. Rarity started, “Applejack, you’re not a… robot, are y-”

“What?” she said. “C’mon, don’t blame me! They got mah robot real spot on.”

The room collectively sighed in relief.

“Anywho,” Applejack continued, “Ah think there’s one more thing we can get from this guy, Pinkie Pie. It’s when this here package is meant to be delivered.”

“Ah-anytime now,” the diamond dog stated.

Pinkie nodded. “Applejack is right. We don’t need to care about this guy. We need to care about that package, and right now.”

“On it,” Fluttershy said. “I’ll fly the way there. I just can’t believe anything more horrible could happen, and we need to stop it!”

“And we’ll be right behind you,” said Pinkie. “Let’s go, team Ponyville!”

Race before the End!

The guards at the gates of Canterlot were bored, naturally. There were two of them, both in full equipment, as they stood letting ponies in for the majority of the day. Yawn.

However, there was a while in that day when nopony had come in. The guard on the right was just about to strike up a conversation during it, seeing as there was nothing better to do, but he was stopped by the other.

“Hey, stay alert. There’s a pegasus coming over.”

Both of them stood to attention while the yellow pony set to ground, wearing a satchel. “Oh, hey Fluttershy,” one of the guards said.

The pegasus paused. “O-oh, hello! I wasn’t late for the vote, was I?”

The guard smiled, shaking his head. “Oh course not, Miss Fluttershy. Come right in.” The yellow mare seemed relieved, and she began to walk in.

The one who didn’t greet her nudged the other one in the back. “Say, there’s some other ones with her, too. See them approaching? They must be her friends.”

“Oh yeah? Mane six and all, huh. That’s strange… I didn’t know she had another yellow pegasus friend. Looks almost alike from over here.”

“Yeah… wait, why is she coming so fast? Hey! Slow down!”

“She’s heading right for you, Miss!-”

The pegasus turned and paused. The first thing she saw was Fluttershy, aiming a kick straight for the head.

“HYAH!”

Before Flutterbot 2.0 could speak, her head had come clean off… again.

“What the?” The guard who spoke to Flutterbot held his spear out, shaking.  “Y-you just cut her head clean off!”

Fluttershy turned, and saw the cables sparking where Flutterbot’s head used to be. “O-oh, yeah… pretty cool, huh?”

By the time the rest of the guards had come and circled the poor pegasus, the rest of the team had caught up. Pinkie led the charge. She could see that Fluttershy seemed to have taken the guards by surprise; there was a mix between shock, and terror, and even Celestia had come out of her palace to watch.

“What is the meaning of this, guards?” she said as she landed, folding her wings and staring  uneasily at the robot’s body.

Pinkie galloped to the scene and skidded to a halt. “Miss Celestia, wait! I can explain all of this!”

Celestia noticed the pink pony, and put a hoof up to her guards. “That would be most useful, Pinkie Pie. Explain for us why your friend, the gentlest and most kind pony I’ve ever known, just kicked a mare’s head off, please.”

So, this is where I’ve gotta reveal the truth, Pinkie thought. “I’m glad you asked, Miss Celestia.”

“Well, you said you could explain it, if I recall correctly.”

Pinkie scratched the back of her neck. “Oh yeah! Heh… well, it’s pretty simple. Y’see, just a couple days ago, diamond dogs had made a ton of robots, and they replaced the whole of Ponyville with’em! We just escaped, and one of ‘em said this one,” she said, motioning her head to the robot, “Was gonna fill out the grand evil plan: to deliver this package to Canterlot!”

“That’s absurd,” muttered one of the guards. “Surely, princess, you couldn’t believe such-”

“I can believe it,” said Celestia, wearily looking at Pinkie. “Oh yes, I can believe you… Pinkie Pie, you, Twilight, and the rest of your friends have saved the world multiple times. Seriously, Unnamed Guard, I’ve heard way more convoluted world-domination plots than this.  So yes, I think I trust them.”

“B-b-b, but Princess!” Unnamed blubbered.

Celestia raised a hoof to her chin. “If what you are saying is true, the real question is clear. What is in the package?”

“I… I think I know that one, which is why this is ridiculous to begin with!” Unnamed stated. “The deceased Fluttershy asked me, before she was going to come in, about if-”

“Quiet, Unnamed Guard,” Celestia scorned. “Give the true heroes time to tell us what they think, hmm?” Unnamed looked back at her, speechless.

“Well, logically.... we think it’s a bomb!” Pinkie announced.

“With the potential of massive destruction!” Rarity shouted.

“Maybe a psych bomb… which turns everypony stupid!” Twilight cried.

More and more of Ponyville shouted in their suggestions at the princess, who looked back at her guards with concern. Nodding her head, the guards circled the package and brought everypony as far away as possible.

“Right, guards,” Celestia said, “This could be the most dangerous item that Canterlot has ever had brought to it. We need somepony strong, brave enough to face the… ah, Unnamed, I see that you have stepped up to the…” she began to have an air of panic in her voice, “Be careful! You’re ripping at that package! Any wrong move, and-”

Unnamed stood up, holding a litter of tiny pieces of paper. “And what, I could get a papercut? Look here, it’s all voting papers.”

“Voting papers?” the Ponyville crowd all shouted in confusion.

“Now, c’mon!” Pinkie shouted. “There’s gotta be a bomb hid in there somewhere, that’s crazy! Even a firecracker, or two? Search harder!”

“Do you want me to blow up? And no, look,” Unnamed said, shaking the contents of the brown package on to the floor. “I’m telling you, it’s a ton of paper.”

As the paper hit the floor, Pinkie heard a voice muffled by distance. “That’s cool and all, but… say, did any of you hear that? It sounded kinda like a, ‘noooo’.”

“A ‘no’?” Celestia inquired. “Quick, Unnamed. throw more paper on the floor. Your princess demands it of you.”

Unnamed sighed, throwing another heap on the floor. “As your ladyship says, so I do...”

Pinkie heard the voice again, however this time, it was real loud. “NooOooOoO!” It sounded as if there were a wailing banshee right behind her.

She turned. Thankfully no wailing banshee, but there was the most strangest contraption on wheels that she’d ever seen, ridden on by three diamond dogs. The contraption was bursting hot steam from the back, cogs were spinning in place a thousand times a minute, and the whole unholy beast sped past outer Canterlot’s fields faster than anypony could gallop.

“Pleeeeeease!” shouted one of the diamond dogs, raising his claws and begging. “Please, don’t discard my papars!”

Celestia looked over the group in the mechanical wagon, as they slowed down, the crowd splitting to make room for them, and skidded a turn next to the Canterlot gate. “So… this was your doing? Perhaps you could shed some light on this. Why were the entire population of Ponyville turned into robots?”

“They...” the diamond dog started, looking at the ground guiltily. “I had no ill will aganst tham, honast! It was… it was for the vote, the very same wan that will happen today. That is why we made everypony into robots!”

“You… you had the power, the skills to...”

“Yas. there are many things we can do underground, you see… well, you don’t. No pony up here wad evar see. You don’t care about as! And that is precisely why I told my kin to make these robots!”

Pinkie glared at them. “Whaddya mean, ‘never cared for you’? We let you live in peace right next to Ponyville, don’t we? We let you live where you want, an-”

Celestia stopped her in mid-sentence. She looked awkward “Um, Pinkie… the vote. It has something rather important to do with diamond dogs. It was… a vote, to give houses and residence to the diamond dogs above ground.”

“Whaaaat?” Pinkie cried. “And you’re saying that...”

The leading diamond dog was looking furiously at Celestia. “That we war nevar given the chance to vote! It was ponies only! Tartarus, if it warn’t for Kimbar scouting Canterlot news-scrolls a month ago, we wad have nevar even known!”

All eyes aimed at Celestia. She fumbled, even more awkward than she’d looked before. “Well, um… yes.” She aimed her head at the ground, muttering under her breath. “This is true. The nobility convinced me, once we were talking, that the diamond dogs would never take the vote seriously. They said they’d never even get to the voting station, and that’s why… why we decided to make it ponies only.

She stiffened up. “But clearly, that’s not what we have heard today. The diamond dogs have shown us, today, that not only are they willing to vote, but that they have the technology to rebuild an entire town, full of ponies, just in order to get their own vote through. I wouldn’t say it was the most practical of ways to do it, but still… it was done by them.

“There is no reason for me to think that they are inferior. Neigh, I’d say they knew more than many ponies I do.”

“So what’s this mean?” Pinkie asked. “Are they… gonna get their vote in for this?”

“Of course, Pinkie,” Celestia answered. “They deserve it more than anypony here. It’s a good thing that you came here, Andray, leader of the diamond dogs. You arrived at the right time… just before the final decision was made!”

“Than I shall see that our word is taken as seriously as any othar,” Andray replied.

~~

The mane five arrived by balloon. The clouds weren’t as thick today, but one stood out for above the others.

“Hey… what’re you doin’ in my house? Pinkie, I told you to give that balloon back! What gives?”

Pinkie moved herself to the front of the basket. so she could see her friend clearly. “C’mon, Dashie! We just wanted to watch your TV. Something pretty big’s about to go down.”

“Well, uh… okay,” Rainbow replied, reaching for the remote. “So, uh… did’ja do anything  today?”

Pinkie thought a bit on it. “Kinda, I guess.”

“Kinda?”

“Y’know, the norm,” Pinkie replied.

Rainbow nodded. “Ahh, I see. Saved Ponyville from utter destruction, or something? Cool.” She turned on the TV.

~~... Latest reports say that the robot menace has been cleared up... huh, they didn't find Twilight's robot, though... ah! Never mind that, we've got the results! So it looks like the equine votes have just been counted in, Dirk. Astonishingly, there’s a 50/50 tie on the vote… will diamond dogs get permanent residence above ground, or will it be rejected?~~

~~... Well, Greenbow, it seems like the answer to which side’ll emerge victorious is pretty clear. The only votes left are the diamond dogs themselves, and, well… oh, look, they’ve just been received. Luna’s using a magic spell to check them, and we’ll find out in just a few seconds. Here, look, she's speaking now...~~

~~“Ponies of Equestria! Thy vote has been counted out, and… the diamond dog’s permanent residence above ground… has been rejected!~~

Everyone in the basket stared at the screen, dumbfounded. “What the?”

“That can’t be! They must have been rigged from the beginning!” Twilight shouted.

Rainbow looked confused. “Huh? You guys are getting way too overworked on this… see? Look in the crowd. The diamond dogs are cheering like crazy.”

The ponies in the basket peered closer. Sure enough, every dog that was in the crowd looked as happy as could be, while the ponies, Celestia, and all the other royalty were looking just as confused they were.

“Well… shucks, girls,” Applejack said, scratching her chin. “A’ s’pose they never wanted it in the first place. What a weird series of events, huh.”

“I guess we learned a couple of morals n’stuff today, huh?” Pinkie said. “Let’s see… don’t trust robots, extreme paranoia sometimes works in your favour...”

Twilight cut in. “Uh, how about, ‘don’t assume what somepony else wants, since it might just be what you wanted, or think they wanted, in the first place?”

 “Aww, but Twilight…!” Pinkie shrugged. “Eh… yeah, sure. Good enough.”