Carrying On

March 31st

        Every morning I just lay in bed, trying to find a reason to get up and keep going on.  I fail every time.  I still do it, though.  I don’t know why.  I’ve been thinking some more, lately.  What if I died?  Obviously, no pony would care, let alone notice.  I don’t really want to die.  Not sure why.  It’s not like it would change anything.  Wouldn’t even make an impact or statement about the world.  I could kill myself in any number of ways.  I could make it painless and fast.  I won’t though.  It’s too much of a bother.  I’ve only left my room in the past three days to get food once a day and use the restroom.  I’d might as well.  Nothing else I do matters.  Not even this.  I started asking myself more questions.  I am rather confused, though.  Four days ago, right before I stopped going to school, I got attention.  A filly approached me and asked me why I looked sad.  I couldn’t answer her.  What was I supposed to do?  Make her sad by telling her my problems?  I don’t think she’d be different from anypony else.  Nopony has been any different from the others; they only care on the outside for a brief minute.  Why would she be different?  She transferred in from Ponyville a while ago.  I think.  I haven’t really paid attention.  No pony would care if I knew when they got here.  I’m just confused as to why she saw me.  I’ve been invisible for a long time.  I don’t think I’ll keep trying to figure it out.  It won’t matter.  No pony would ask me.  I’ve been feeling a lot more tired lately.  I’m sleeping more and more.  It doesn’t bother me.  I won’t spend that time doing anything meaningful, anyways.  I’ll probably stop writing these entries.  I don’t need the outlet anymore.  The emotions are gone, so there’s no need for somewhere to put them.  I’ll just keep going on.  Maybe things will change eventually.  Maybe the world will be a better place soon.   It’s hurt me for a long time, and now I’m broken.  I still can’t bring myself to care.  Because this is my last entry, I’ll end it with a goodbye to myself.  I’m closing this chapter of my life, and maybe a new one will start soon.  I hope so.

-Clear Note