Celestia Needs Glasses

by Ambros

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Main 6, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 2989

Alicorns may be resilient but reading by candlelight can be just as bad for a Princess as it is for everypony else.

Princess Celestia has started getting frequent headaches while reading. Her insistence on staying away from her personal physician however, only invites future headaches in the form of Luna's mischief. Will Princess Celestia be able to dodge her doctor forever?

Takes place between seasons 2 and 3, and will come out in small chapters till finished.
Cover Image credit goes to AxemGR, not sure how to embed so check him out on deviant art.

Published 2016-02-03 23:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-15 01:41:03 UTC

Hind Sight is 20/20

CHAPTER 1: Hind Sight is 20/20

Princess Celestia, spent the evening in her study as she often did to catch up with her paperwork after the days court. Going over the recent proposals that she found to be promising.  The flickering of the few enchanted candles she kept cast shadows across her dimly lit chambers. She lay sprawled out upon her cushion in the study with her regalia tossed haphazardly about her. Currently she was going over a proposal by a Sir Fancy Pants, that he claimed would cut down the cost of maintaining the Royal Guard by twenty percent. Needless to say she was intrigued, twenty percent would translate to tens of thousands of bits that could be reinvested into the infrastructure of Equestria.

She knew Fancy Pants to be of good character but she still poured over the proposal with a fine tooth comb. Looking for discrepancies, and any possibilities of deception within the jargon of his proposal. It wasn't that she didn't trust him per see, but she remembered the last time she had trusted a noble based on how she viewed them in court. The result had been the elevation of the Blueblood line to Royalty. The sheer headaches that little mistake had caused, least of which was the constant confusion of the current Bluebloods' relation to herself. Long story short, she had unwittingly acknowledged in a proposal from Blueblood's father the legitimacy of their genealogy dating back to Princess Platinum before the founding of Equestria.

But as she scanned, and rescanned the document that lay before her, she felt a headache coming on. It wasn't atypical for the Princess of the Sun to receive such headaches in her line of work. But she found them growing more frequent in recent days.

*POP*

"Sister, honestly we have but two chances a day to see each other...Sister why is your face like that?"

Celestia dropped the stack of pages before her and shot a puzzling gaze to her sister.

"Good Evening to you as well Luna sorry for missing dinner again....Wait how does my face look?"

"Like your trying to set those papers in front of you on fire through sheer will. While I remember pyrokinesis as possible, I believe there are far more efficient ways for the Princess of the Sun to go about incinerating offensive documents. As I recall before I was banished, you often used the Sun as your personal incinerator. I wish I would have done the same for the moon, then at least I would have had something to read."

Celestia chuckled tiredly before responding.

"While I'm glad you seem to be in bright spirits this evening, I assure you the documents are anything but offensive. To tell the truth I've a bit of a headache...*sigh* again."

Luna tilted her head slightly to the side, and donned a slightly concerned expression.

"If we are not mistaken that makes your fourth headache in as many days. I know how much distaste you have for our current Royal Physician, but surely a visit would be worth it if your headaches go away."

"Ughhh, it is far more likely Bedside Manner would cause another headache sooner then cure one."

"We for one like him, his callous nature is rather refreshing to us. Besides what use is a Royal Physician, if you refuse to use him to heal what ails you?"

"No thanks, I'll take the headaches instead Luna."

Luna frowned before adopting a Cheshire grin.

"We are actually do for our own checkup, perhaps we shall stop by his office tomorrow." She said casually before adopting the worst exaggeration of mock worry, and throwing her foreleg over her chest dramatically.

"But oh dear, what should happen if I let it slip about how our poor overworked sister suffers nightly. Despite our protests that only if she would see the dear doctor! I'm sure he would drop everything, and come barreling through a whole contingent of guards to attend to what ails you."

Celestias' eyes grew as wide as saucers. "Luna you wouldn't dare."

Luna's smile only widened threatening to consume her whole face, and her eyes glittered with devious mirth.

"Methinks thou doth protest too much dear sister!" At the same time her horn charged up signaling her departure.

"Luna don't-"

*POP*

Just like that Luna was gone, leaving her sister crestfallen. After all finding Luna when she didn't want to be found was a fools errand.

"Oh dear..." With her sister gone Celestia's gaze once again fell upon Fancy's proposal, before she scrunched her muzzle and let out a laugh. "If only my headaches vanished as quickly as my sister does."

Celestia awoke in a groggy haze, her internal alarm clock screaming at her to get up to raise the Sun. Normally she would greet her new day with all the enthusiasm befitting the Princess of the Sun. But after Luna had left, her sleep had been fitful. You would think after millennia's and countless arch nemesis's defeated, something as mundane as a visit from her own physician wouldn't fill her with dread. But of course you would be wrong. No doubt Luna had carried through with her promise, so with that in mind Celestia dragged herself out of bed.

*Knock Knock*

For a second Celestia froze, her ears swiveling towards the double doors leading to her suite. If she played her cards right and didn't make a sound, no doubt whoever it was would assume she'd already left for court. Her fears proved unfounded as the muffled voice made its way through the doors.

"Princess Celestia, I have your morning tea!"

Celestia let go of the breath she didn't know she had been holding. It was only her chambermaid Sunny Disposition.

"Of course Sunny, one moment please!"

Celestia's horn lit up, and she quickly donned her worn pink bathrobe; before she let her magic take hold of the double doors and gently pulled them inwards.

After a few moments Sunny Disposition trotted in carefully holding a tea tray between her teeth. Celestia quietly observed the young earth pony mare with a pink coat and golden mane struggle to keep the contents of the tray from spilling, before gently enveloping the tray with her golden magical aura.

"Good morning Sunny, and here let me help you with that." Sunny quickly let go, and Celestia floated the tray over to the coffee table. "So what kind of tea have you brought me this morning, it smells wonderful."

"Good morning to you as well your majesty, I've brought you a new blend of Saddle Arabian black tea. And if I do say so myself Princess, I believe it's the best batch yet! I've already had three cups this morning myself." The mare's smile slowly gaining ground on the conquest of her face.

Celestia looked to the tea before letting her gaze rest back on the practically vibrating mare. With only a little trepidation Celestia poured herself a small cup, and levitated it to below her muzzle before breathing in its heavenly aroma. She took the daintiest of sips before holding back a grimace.

"So Princess?" The rest of the question being left unspoken. Leaving Celestia with barely enough time to formulate a response that wouldn't hurt the feelings of her newest assistant.

"Just needs a bit of sugar Sunny, but if I might make a suggestion?" At the mares enthusiastic nod she continued. "Perhaps next time for this particular brew don't use as many leaves, its a bit stronger then I usually take it." That was the understatement of the century.

"Of course Princess, anything else?"

"No Sunny that will be all thank you." With that the young mare bowed fidgeting all the while. Before turning and almost bouncing out of the room. Celestia couldn't help but smile and shake her head at the display, before casting a eye back towards the tea tray. "Bless her heart she tries so hard, I should give her a raise alone for drinking three cups of that. Speaking of hearts, I should probably make sure all the defibrillators have been magically recharged before Sunny's gives out." With one glance out the window before returning her gaze. "The Sun first, then I'll return to deal with you."

Celestia barely stepped out onto the balcony before unceremoniously raising the Sun and returning inside. Dropping her robe and picking up the tea tray on her way to the bathroom, she briefly considered dumping the tea in a potted plant before dismissing the idea. After all the last thing she needed to start the day, was a newly sapient plant running rampant on a roid rage. A ridiculous thought maybe, but she had seen stranger. With a silent prayer of forgiveness for what the Saddle Arabians would have seen as the greatest offense, she poured the motor oil down the drain where it belonged.

Light animosity

Chapter 2: Blinded by the light

With Celestia's morning rituals taken care of, and her regalia freshly adorned, she donned her signature smile as she departed her chambers for breakfast. She took special care to acknowledge as many of her castle staff as she could along the way, obviously not anything overly excessive; a polite nod here and a word of greeting there.

Passing the large double doors into the dining hall, she made her way to her favorite seat at the end of the long marble table. The seat faced away from the east always showcasing her Sun gently rising in the windows behind her while she ate breakfast. It also gave her a perfect view of the double doors leading into the hall, the perfect vantage point for when Luna arrived to see if she carried through with her threat.

She could sense that Luna was fast approaching if her magical signature was anything to go off of, so focused was she that she didn’t realize she hadn’t acknowledged the wait staff perched awkwardly off to the side of her seat for five minutes. Till the stallion in question cleared his throat rather loudly for the fourth time in an attempt to politely get her attention.

“Oh dear sorry Sweet Roll, my mind was a thousand miles away.”

“No worries your majesty, what can I get started for you this morning?”

“I’ll take the-”

Whatever Celestia was about to say died with the arrival of her sister. In her normal dramatic fashion, Luna’s presence was announced by the loud snap of the doors swinging violently upon their hinges, a constant source of chagrin for Celestia. She had tried to teach her sister the art of subtlety for centuries to no avail, but all of that was a moot point compared to who walked alongside Luna. Bedside Manner in all his rundown looking glory was walking towards Celestia with a twinkle in his eyes.

Bedside Manner was a Unicorn stallion in his late sixties, his silver coat which once had a lustrous shimmer had simmered down to an earthy gray. His eyes had deep bags beneath them capable of smuggling contraband through any border customs agency. His once well kept and admirable black mane had receded so far that the few wisps left might as well have called a full retreat to regroup with his ear hairs. Of all Manner’s ancestors, Bedside had taken aging gracefully to an all time low. About the only feature of Bedside’s that hadn’t depreciated with age was his sea blue eyes.

And so the final act of this tragedy unfolds in betrayal, my own sister consorting with the enemy. “Et Tu Luna, Et Tu?” If I am to go down, then I go down with copious confectionary cholesterol on my side.  Let's see how long that twinkle in your eyes lasts Bedside.

  “Sorry Sweet Roll, but I think I’ve made up my mind, tell me do we have any of the leftover cake still from Princess Cadence’s and Shining Armor’s wedding?”

    “I believe there is a slice or two left your highness, if there isn’t we’re sure to have another cake lying around in the kitchen, by your leave Princess.”

    “Of course, thank you.”

    By this point Luna had taken her spot to the right of Celestia, leaving Bedside to sit uncomfortably close next to the left of her.

    “Good morning Celestia, another beautiful day as always. As you can see I invited the good doctor to join us this morning. I hope that isn’t a bother.” Luna said with a bit of a sneer before turning to place her own order with the wait staff, while Bedside simply waved them off.

    Celestia made a polite bow to the both of them before eyeing Bedside. “Thank you, and good morning to the both of you. So Bedside to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?”

    With a loud growl that sounded like Bedside was trying to clear gravel from his throat, he began speaking. “Well, Luna dropped in rather early this morning for an unexpected check-up. You can imagine my surprise, a member of royalty that I don't have to drag into my office kicking and screaming. You would imagine I’m some kind of mad scientist with the amount of respect I get around here...Or that I run a pediatrician's office full of foals scared “of da big bwad nweedle.”

    Celestia merely rolled her eyes. “Come now Bedside, you know how busy I can be. Also, I can’t help if the Blueblood’s have to be tended to by you, you know how dramatic of a lot they are.”

    “Ah yes, but at least they come see me, however dramatic they may be. But you know better then to dodge the issue Celestia. The only reason I’m here this morning is because Luna informed me of your recent headaches.” However before bedside could continue his rant, he was interrupted by Sweet Roll returning with Celestia’s cake. Celestia merely nodded her head to the side for Sweet before returning her attention to Bedside. Immediately she saw the change in him as the deep scowl on his face entered a new state of depression.

    Celestia decided to go with the innocent approach. “What Bedside?”

    “Oh nothing, if our Princess of the Sun wishes to share its round disposition far be it from me, a medical expert to advise her on dietary needs. You know this will work perfectly, at this rate when Equestria holds the next diplomatic summit with the Griffons and Minotaurs. They can just use you as a volleyball.” As he gestured his hoof wildly at her. “When they inevitably pop all of Canterlot's supply with their talons.” At this point, Luna was trying rather unsuccessfully to hold in her laughter.

    Celestia puffed her cheeks out in a pout, she only wanted him to be riled up not call her fat. “That's quite enough I think, besides it is only one slice of cake.”

    “Oh sure that's how it always starts, next thing you know you're eating your feelings and caught in a vicious cycle.”

    “I said that was enough, and I meant it.”

    Bedside simply laughed. “Fine, fine we got off track anyways. Now,  Celestia, I want you in my office for a check-up by the end of the day.”

    Celestia simply raised an eyebrow. “That's simply too short of notice Bedside, I have an entire country to run. Not to mention Kibitz will simply pitch a fit if I have him make such a drastic change this late to the schedule.”

    “Ah yes Kibitz, your glorified bouncer, who manages to keep me off your schedule no matter how much notice I give him. Well to bad for him this time, I’m simply not taking no for an answer. You will be in my office by the end of the day or I will file the Royal Physician’s ultimate weapon...Mandatory medical sabbatical.”

At this point, Celestia’s temper was starting to flare as her normally pristine white coat was starting to tinge red. “This has gone on quite long enough, I will not be strong-hoofed by you or anypony else Bedside!”

“No Princess! It is I who have had enough! I may have wasted my entire life as your medical physician, when I could have been out there making a difference! But I’ll be damned if you don’t learn a lesson that will make you treat my replacement with some respect!”

The silence in the dining hall from the two’s temper was palpable, Luna was trying unsuccessfully to look like she was studying the architecture of the ceiling. But the last thing Bedside had said was starting to turn the gears in Celestia’s head. Replacement, why?

“A-are you retiring Bedside?” Celestia couldn’t help but let a little hope shine through with that question. For the first time since Celestia had known Bedside the shine in his eyes dulled a little, and the usually strong arrogant air about him seemed to evaporate. Leaving nothing but an old defeated stallion sitting before her.

“Yes...the paperwork has already gone through. I’ve chosen the best replacement in the kingdom for you.” Bedside studied the empty spot on the table in front of him, before shooting a desperate look to Celestia. “Please treat him better than me, he’s a brilliant young stallion.”

With that, he slumped out of his chair and made his way out of the hall. Celestia felt like she had just been punched in the heart, what was that all about? And why did it make her feel so bad. Luna was busy looking at her sister with concern.

“I’m sorry sister..I didn’t realize there was this much animosity between you two.”

“It’s okay Luna, apparently I didn’t realize either.”