Spike was laying in his bed, mind pacing through various thoughts running through his mind. It gave him a headache trying to think of everything at once. He was confused. He sat up in his bed, trying to concentrate, which led to him pacing around his room. He couldn't think straight. He left his room to pace around the rest of the castle, which he had to himself.
It was a relatively quiet day in Ponyville. Everything seemed normal, which was always something to be cherished, since normal never happens anymore.
Spike was alone at the castle while Twilight was running errands. He knew she would be home soon, and he was mentally preparing himself for the talk he would hope to have with her. He went over in his mind what he would say over and over again, but he knew it wouldn't matter in the long run. He knew he would end up in tears, crying in Twilight's arms like he did when he was just a kid. But he wasn't a kid anymore. He knew he had to grow up. He knew he had to tell her.
His pacing led him to the library, where he knew he would have quiet, even though he was alone. He felt more secure in the library. He paced through the various genre sections, rehearsing his speech. He knew she would be home any minute, and he had to perfect it before she came home.
'You can do this, Spike. You can do this. Deep breaths. Deep breaths.' He said to himself, breathing at a slow but steady pace.
Just then, he heard the door downstairs open, then close.
"Spike, I'm home!" Twilight yelled from the first floor. Spike felt his chest tighten. All of his courage was lost. Breathing became hyperventilating. Pacing became unbalanced movement. He felt light. He knew he wasn't ready, but it had to be done.
Downstairs, Twilight was putting he bags on the ground when she heard a patter of footsteps on he stairs.
"Hey Spike, could you help me with these bags? They can go in my writing office beside my desk." Twilight asked. Spike approached her unsteadily and took the bags to the room next door. When he came out, Twilight was on the couch, already engulfed in a book.
'This was it. Now or never.
"Hey Twilight? Can we talk?" He asked meekly, facing her direction, but looking at the floor.
"What's up?" Twilight asked, her head still in her book.
"Well... I've been thinking about some stuff lately... And I need to come clean about something." He was barely audible, but to Twilight, it was a loud and clear indication something was wrong. She looked up from her book, eyes meeting Spike's.
"Spike, is everything okay? Come sit." She waved, suddenly looking concerned for the young man. Spike slowly walked over to the couch. His legs were shaking, his breathing was erratic, his throat was tight, he knew he was already too far in to go back. He had to do it now. He sat next to her has his gaze reached the floor once again. "Is something wrong?" Twilight asked again.
"No, nothing's wrong, it's just something I need to get off my chest." He said, still not meeting her eyes. He took a deep breath once more. "Alright, here we go." He exhaled.
"Twilight... I-" Spike paused. His throat clenched. He couldn't talk. His eyes began to water. He was frozen. A deer in the headlights, and Twilight was already far too concerned to run away. "I-I'm..." Spike paused again. He began to cry. "I'm gay." His voice was shaky.
Spike began to panic. Oh no, what if she's mad? What if she kicks me out? Where will I go? Spike thought.
"Please don't be mad, Twilight!" Spike pleaded desperately.
Mad? Why would I be mad? Twilight thought to herself. What happened to him that made him feel this way?
Twilight pulled Spike into a hug. "I could never be mad at you for who you love, Spike." Spike pulled back and looked at her. He wiped the tears on his face."Twilight, you don't know how nice it feels to hear you say that."
"Spike, you're my brother. Why would I be mad?"
"W-Well... not everyone is accepting as you are."
"What do you mean?" Twilight asked.
"Well, it started last week..."
~
It was the week before, Spike was on an errand run for Twilight. He had just finished picking up the quills and parchment when he saw someone walking by. It was a tall, muscular man. One would say a handsome man. Spike was analyzing the man, eyes running up and down the man's body. Spike was so caught up in his gaze, he didn't notice the man had caught Spike staring directly at him. Spike blushed, and turned away.
"What're you looking at, you faggot?" The man yelled at Spike, who began to walk away. The man began to follow Spike. He tried to pretend he didn't notice him. He began to walk faster. He saw the boutique in the distance. He could run in there and hope he leaves him alone. He was almost there when he felt a hand grab him by the shoulder, turning him around.
"I asked you a question, you queer. What were you looking at?" The man grabbed him by the shirt and held him up a few inches from the ground.
"N-Nothing! I-I wasn't looking at anything! I-I swear!" Spike pleaded to the obviously bigger man, hoping he wouldn't hurt him.
"If I catch ya looking at me again, you'll be sorry, ya hear?!" The man angrily said to Spike.
"Y-Yes!" Spike said, scared for his life.
"Good." The man threw Spike on the ground. "Faggots like you make me sick." The man said before walking off angrily. Spike rose from the dirt and dusted himself off, picked up the quills and parchment, and walked home, scared, hoping he wouldn't run into the man again.
~
Twilight had a fearful look in her eyes, she pulled Spike into another hug.
"I'm so sorry! I shouldn't have sent you out there by yourself! I should have been a went with you or done it myself so things like that wouldn't happen!" Twilight began to cry into his shoulder, worried for her brother. "W-What if something worse w-was to happen? It would've been my f-fault!" She said between tears. Spike stopped her before she could continue.
"Twilight, it's not your fault. Neither of us knew that was going to happen." He said, comforting Twilight he rubbed her back as her sobbing continued.
"Yes it is! What if you were to-"
"But I didn't, Twi. I'm fine now." He reassured.
"But what if you run into him again?" She questioned. He didn't know, or didn't want to know. He never wanted to see him again.
"I... don't know. But that doesn't matter right now." He said, hugging her tightly.
"Spike, I have a question." Spike released her from his embrace.
"Yeah?"
"Well, out of curiosity, I was just wondering, how do you know you're... gay?" Twilight asked. Spike sat back and thought for a second.
"Well, I guess it's because I was raised around girls. All of my friends are girls, and you would think that would make me better with women," Spike chuckled before continuing. "Well, it wasn't. I feel like women are all I'm around, and I guess that rubbed off on me. After Rarity turned me down, I don't look at women the same way anymore. None of them could be her, and I knew I could never have her. Then one day, I stumbled across a certain magazine that a certain lavender mare didn't hide well enough-"
"What?! H-How did you-"
"You may be amazing at shelving books, but not at hiding them," Twilight blushed, eliciting a giggle from Spike.
"Anyway, I opened it, and I saw some... things. But it made me feel different. It made me feel like how I felt when I was around Rarity, but it didn't feel right at first. Looking at those... men, all exposed and whatnot, captivated me. And now, women just, I don't know, don't interest me anymore, ya know?" He said shyly. He looked away from her and rubbed his arm.
"Spike, you shouldn't be embarrassed about it. It's just how you feel. You can't change that." Spike looked back at her, and smiled. It was a genuine, comforting smile. A smile that made him feel like he was loved, and he knew he was. Twilight was now blushing, and looking away. "I still can't believe you found that." Spike chuckled, nudging her shoulder.
"You should hide your things better, then." They both shared a laugh together. When the laughter stopped, Spike hugged Twilight.
"Thank you Twilight, for accepting me." Twilight smiled softly.
"You're welcome, little brother."
Author's Note
Would you look at that!
Real quick: this has nothing to do with my blog post earlier, so that's still going.
Also, since I go back to school Monday, I thought I'd give you guys a little something. Consider it a back to school gift. Something short and sweet.
