If Only You Were Here

by BloodyBubblegum

Rating: mature
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Sad
Length: 2212

Twilight Sparkle laments the loss of her friend Rainbow Dash after she volunteers for a heart transplant.

Twilight Sparkle laments the loss of her friend Rainbow Dash after she volunteers for a heart transplant. Sometimes, we lose what love because we forget to love it back.

Published 2015-09-01 21:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-01 21:10:02 UTC

Ashes to Ashes.

The sky stayed grey and imposing, hanging pregnant with nature's tears. It resembled a blanket of wool and milk frozen in time. Twilight Sparkle raised her head and watched the sky crawl. The clouds acted like children. The clouds needed to be cared for, she thought, closing her eyes and trotting over to an unmarked grave. On it's grey slate were the words 'Rainbow Dash; 1990-2017; beloved friend and hero.'

Twilight stumbled over the many flasks and bottles that'd accumulated with her numbness. Her hooves felt dull and her limbs were slow. Her body was slower than her mind. It drew a giggle as she collapsed against the tombstone and rest her muzzle atop it's apex.

"Haha... Ha, you were always scchhooo fucking good at drinkkkkking, Dashie." Slurred the princess, smiling and warmer than anyone could ever make her inside.

"I miss you, Dashie... Oh ffffucking Luna I miss you...!" Twilight chuckled, leaning over the gravestone and clinging to Rainbow's last trace on Equestria.

"Dashie..." She giggled, shaking and coughing it hurt to laugh so much.

"Oh... Dashie... why aren't you he-here a-any m-mo-ore?" She sobbed, gritting her teeth and convulsing in total silence.

Her eyes were clouded with water. Maybe it was the rain. Maybe it was the rain, she lied, wiping her snout and stumbling to her hooves. It was just the rain. A passing carriage sliced water across her ears and Twilight jerked around to see. Nopony else was around. She was alone. Just like it should be. A crass acid crept up her throat and Twilight wanted to gag, but nothing happened. Her insides were set aflame and each, passing second cooked her alive. One thing she looked forward to, though, was going back home and waking up to more booze. So her awkward gait took her far away from Rainbow, far away from the menace of hurtful memories. The sky rumbled and spat thunder every which way. Blue tore the sky apart and made her nauseous. She fell forward once or twice to heave and dry gag. But she couldn't.

Sour, biting acid ate at her throat, and it stung, flooding her mouth with rotten odors. Twilight tried to ignore her pain but every thought brought her back to Rainbow. Rainbow Dash. Her Rainbow Dash. She tripped over her welcome mat and tumbled forward. Her snout struck stairway railing and snapped her cartilage out of place. A stream of edom seeped out her nostrils and pooled against her cheeks. It stuck to her much like Rainbow's used to after her boxing matches, after her Rainbow walked off the canvas and raised her gloves high. And when she strutted out with strong, flared legs, she would always kiss her after every match... after every victory, she was her biggest comfort.

"Rainbow..." She sniffled, suffocating on sobs that knocked the wind out of her.

"Why did you save me...?"

A grating shriek erupted out her lungs. Twilight Sparkle couldn't breathe. Her blood was drowning her. The alicorn scrambled to her hooves and stumbled down to her basement. In her second bathroom, she ran water down the sink and washed it all away. She scrubbed it away with her only metallic brush, a medical scrubber, the doctors once said. It stung her every which way. Over her open wounds. Over the scars she tore open and the stitches they scarred her with not weeks ago. It wouldn't come off. The blood was still there. No matter how hard she scrubbed Rainbow's blood would never come off.

It seeped out of her and her chest fur stayed flush with red. All the colors of the rainbow stayed alive over her body. Red like roses, in her dreams. Orange, like flesh tearing off her stitches. Yellow, her fat coming apart from wounds. Green, grass stains painting her coat like Her hair. Blue, like the bruise over her nose. Indigo, the color of the bags beneath her eyes... and violet , the color of her bruised crotch from giving her body to anyone she could. Twilight Sparkle was immortal, so why did it hurt knowing she was alive and not Rainbow.

Why did it hurt so much to have her heart... beating inside her. Didn't Rainbow have a future. Didn't she have to light up the world and show Equestria how good of a boxer she was because she was dead, she was in the ground rotting away and dried out like fucking jerky cold and limp- never to kiss her or anypony ever again!

And was that right!

Was that right, to take away the only person that cared enough to step up and offer her own life for someone as miserable and selfish as Twilight?!

Was it right... that she was gone and Twilight was here.

Because it didn't feel right at all. Because the moment she woke up three weeks ago, able to stretch her wings and breathe her lungs just like it used to be, she felt everything but happy. How could she be happy when she spent all those years... forgetting about Rainbow, when Rainbow never forgot about her.

Some days, she'd come to her matches down in Appleloosa and Las Pegasus. Sometimes, she'd cheer out her seat and watch Rainbow Dash beat the life out of her enemy. She never said, but every hit Rainbow took on the canvas made her heart skip. And every jab or cross or hook she lined up with somepony's jaw drew a smile on her face. Every time she won a belt or scored a knockout, Twilight shed a tear. Because she was so happy for her, to see Rainbow light up Equestria and show the world how to fight.

To see her climb her way to the top, to see her childhood take place in the slums of Cloudsdale, inspired everypony to get out and fight for their happiness. Twilight herself was recovering from loss before it happened. Her heart was broken and she was working up the courage to tell Rainbow how she really felt.

Thunder shook the house and loosed bottle after bottle of pills from the edge of the sink. They were blood thinners and anti-deppressants. Containers of lidocaine and tocainaide rolled toward her. Twilight Sparkle couldn't feel her hooves. It felt right to feel nothing. And she twisted the caps off to feel right again. If she took them all, the residual alcohol would bolster their effects.

Her heart started thudding. An obnoxious pain struck her by the minute and she didn't know why. She wanted to die. Twilight took a look at herself in the mirror. Thick, clotting crimson caked her coat and left her sticky all over. A stray flashback took her heart by storm.

'Rainbow, why do you keep fighting if it hurts you this much...? I-I mean, isn't your asthma bad enough?'

'I dunno, Twilight. Maybe I'm just tryin' a look cool for somepony. Y'know, somepony nice and soft- that likes to clean me up every time I bleed?'

'Rainbow, I... You know I can't-'

'It's okay, Twilight... I know. But as long as she ain't mine, I'll be here to show er' what she's missin.'

She felt her heart booming in her chest.

And she wished it was her instead.

If she could be six feet deep, she'd bring her back and never cry again.

Twilight Sparkle curled up inside herself and whispered,

"If only you were here."

Author's Note

In loving memory of Lilith, the old owner of this account and the only person that ever loved me.

https://youtu.be/2ANBcDllHkI

Alternate Chapter: Happy Sunshine Ending

"Oh, look Twilight...! I'm all better!" Rainbow cheered, galloping into her forelegs and finally feeling safe again.

Rainbow woke to the screech of her alarm. Tomorrow was a new day, Twilight often said, with a smile that melted glaciers. She undid the covers from over her and let them tumble to the floor. Another day, another downvote, she sighed, lazily shuffling about to her laptop, which resided atop a messy study. Her study was a fine mahogany that she'd received from her... good friend Twilight. So she wrote again, watching the clouds part. The sun rolled in like nothing had happened. And the world acted like everypony was happy. She didn't care for it. Not at all. Rainbow Dash yanked the curtains together and grit her teeth, wondering why Celestia chose to raise the sun when someone important was gone.

Opening her laptop brought her to more than she bargained for. A simple literary piece about how empty she felt when Twilight passed away, her newest story gained a good score at first. It was kept fair at first and judged for what it did good and what it didn't do for certain readers. But as time went on, she browsed Twilight's account to understand why the writer was always so discouraged.

"Let's see... Succubus... How did it get that many downvotes. Sure the first twelve chapters are slow and they weren't crowd-pleasing chapters. But why did no one care that it was a bait and switch. Goofy, mediocre romantic comedy to dark and tragic web of intrigue. Sex scenes aren't overly-glorified and it plays out realistically. Hell, even the main character is an anti-sue with actual depth. It's not about boning and it's not about a succubus- wow, no wonder Twilight never actually wanted to write."

In total confusion and obliviousness to how anyone didn't understand, she found it... mind-boggling. She pondered the voting system and the lack of critique. And then Rainbow Dash finally put two and two together, leaning back in her chair.

"Likes... and dislikes. No comments... No one has a technical reason to dislike this, other than its hard to read. But why would someone dislike it if that's the only pre-established image the story even has. It's a snowball effect on- on every story after, after... she deviated from the linear and generic." The pegasus rambled to herself, finally lighting a cigarette for herself and staring into her monitor.

"... So does that mean her writing is perfect? No, not at all. Just because... I defend Twilight's writing doesn't mean I worship it. I don't like how long it takes to reach the plot. I don't understand why she's so cryptic sometimes and why she uses antiquated purple prose, but, that doesn't mean it's bad. That means someone doesn't like it because of their lack of comprehension, vocabulary sense even..'"

Rainbow Dash rose up from her seat and walked out to her kitchen for morning coffee. The tiles were still blanketed in thin dust patches, just like always. And god rays, ever so brilliant in contrast with her house of cool beige and nineteen seventies' bachelor pad decor, still blinded her from every angle. Rainbow had to manually close and shut her drapes at every which window. So she stayed at peace drinking her morning coffee. She enjoyed it in front of her laptop and found the ratings for her tributary piece for Twilight's departure.

"Ah, yes... read a piece deconstructing happy endings about being saved and disregard the authentic nature of my portrayal of a bitter and jaded cynic. Instead of paying attention to things like poetic diction, allegory, motif and text-to-life value... dislike the story because it bummed you out. Or it was too hard to read." Rainbow deadpanned, rolling her eyes and writing a new chapter.

"Not everything in life is easy to understand or take. You want a Happy Sunshine Ending, go choke on it. Because what I wrote isn't about how happy people get. Or how it feels to move on. It's about being trapped inside your own guilt and realizing you were a horrible person for not being there. Moving on... takes place in another story.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen. Or that it doesn't work that way. I'm just saying... pieces dedicated to other people, to things like loss, should never be disregarded. Because this is a relative sorrow. Not to follow. But to feel like you aren't alone in..."

Rainbow Dash finished her chapter and smiled... because she did it for her.

For her Twilight.

Author's Note

Whitestar - Today 9:14 PM

It just doesn't make sense for you to call me 'salty', because you understand the whys and the hows.

Whitestar - Today 9:15 PM

You are deliberately ignoring what has been established time and time again in all the prior works.

Whitestar - Today 9:15 PM

And so is anyone who assumes they're being attacked.

Whitestar - Today 9:15 PM

This is not a piece attacking people, since no one cares to look at it both logically and emotionally.

Whitestar - Today 9:16 PM

It is attacking the same ignorance that you're trying to see it from.

Whitestar - Today 9:16 PM

Willful ignorance.

Whitestar - Today 9:18 PM

To understand what the piece is about and leave a negative impression on it without actually considering the sum of its parts.

Whitestar - Today 9:18 PM

And sadly... I'm not being as defensive as you think.

Whitestar - Today 9:18 PM

I'm being logical about this. And you're just feeling attacked.