Whoah, hey, what're you doing here? An interview? Why would you wanna interview me of all ponies? I mean, I'm the normal one. Like, of the whole town. I don't go out of my way to go on adventures, I stay out of the Everfree Forest, I don't even get in on any of the big musical numbers you see around here, unless it's a whole-town kinda thing like the Winter Wrap Up. There's nothing of particular interest about me, and I kinda like it that way. A quiet life is a good one. At least to me.
Well, yeah, I suppose. I guess everypony has something that's odd, strange, or just outright weird about them, right? Mine happens to be that my two best friends are the most oddball, strange and definitely weird nutters out of the bunch. And before you add the qualifier “except Pinkie Pie,” I'd actually argue that point.
Waaaaait, that's why you're really here, isn't it? You want to find out more about them. About Derpy and the Doctor. Yeah, no. I know better than to say anything about them when strangers come a-knockin'. You'll have to get your info somewhere else.
Look, I don't care what kinda reporter you are I'm not going to... You did what? You traveled with the Doctor before? Like when? That long ago, huh? Woah woah, I didn't mean anything by it. Just... Oh, you were the one that got them started on this latest bit of crazy? You'll have to tell me about it sometime, miss... Wordsmith, was it?
Yeah, okay. My name's Golden Harvest, though most call me Carrot Top. It's one of those nicknames you get in grade school that never seems to go away. You know what I'm talking about. I... suppose I could tell you a little bit about them—off the record of course—if you can prove your claims.
Okay, why are you laughing?
Uh, is that... a metal dog? All righty then. That's more than enough for be to believe you. It's right up his alley.
Let's take this inside. Derpy's little one is taking a nap, and I'd rather be inside in case she wakes up. If I'm not looking she'll empty out my fridge. Just like her mom. Yeah, that's my big role in this whole “traveling-the-universe-and-getting-into-trouble” thing. I watch the kid. Sometimes they're back in an hour or less, sometimes it's a few days. Sounds like you know a bit about that, too. Really? Left you in West Canterlot when you were supposed to be in Trottingham? Yeah. Sounds like him all right.
Okay, so, if you really want to know the story from the beginning, it actually has nothing to do with the Doctor. Nah, this story begins with a pony named Derpina Meringue Hooves. Derpy for short.
The two of us met in grade school, about a year away from graduating to junior high, actually. I was a little late getting out—I don't remember why, exactly. It was some stupid class thing, feed the gerbil, water the plants, something like that—but on the way home, I heard some colts yelling and carrying on, and I don't remember the exact words but it was, y'know, insults, threats, bully stuff. I hate bullies. 'Specially the kind that group up five-against-one against a helpless type.
Yeah, that's what I found.
They never knew what hit 'em.
See, while it may not be my entire life the way it is with the Apple clan, I am a farming earth pony. Got a bit of a leg up on physical strength verses some others, and while I may or may not have been barely standing and seeing double by the time I scared 'em off, I did scare 'em off.
That's when I met her, curled up in a little protective ball. One that, now that I have some experience in the field—I mean, how can you know the Doctor and his... whadoeshecallit... “companion” without getting dragged along a few times?—I now know was a rather effective defensive position which kept her from getting more than a few superficial bruises and scrapes. Exactly like her, really. That mare's always been a lot smarter than anypony, herself included, ever thought.
Well, anypony except for him, anyways. But we'll get there later.
Aaaaaaaanyhoof, this little gray pegasus unrolls herself and looks at me with those mismatched, unfocused eyes, and that was all it took for me. At first I was mad, cuz I thought that the googly eye thing was because she got hit in the head by the bullies. That's when she told me that, no, she was born that way. Has some kind of condition with her eyes. No idea what it's called, other that its a really long word. She could tell you, if you were curious. But the thing with her eyes, well, doesn't take much to imagine a certain... lack of grace that comes with it. To make matters worse, she had little to no control over her pegasus magic, especially when it came to weather control.
So, yeah, she was bullied a lot.
I've actually seen it a lot over the years since. The more charitable ponies accept that she's different, but still often think she's got a screw loose or two—and, maybe she does. No offense, but it's certainly not a normal pony who can do the companion thing. The less savory sorts will to this day call her an idiot, mostly behind her back, some right to her face. Hah! If only they knew.
Well, with the bullies scared off and a new friend to get to know, I brought her to my place. Mom wasn't happy to see me all beat up, obviously, but she got really fussy over Derpy, making sure her wounds were clean, checking for signs of concussion, that sort of thing, and then made sure Derpy was given a nice hot meal, just to ensure that she was taken care of. Boy could that filly eat! I still don't know where she puts it. Afterwards, we took her back to her place, and her mom was real nice. Still is, actually. Anyway, we were best buds from that day forward, nearly inseparable, despite the...weirdness that sometimes followed her, even then.
Which leads us to what I'm sure you're really here for. Meeting the Doctor.
That came a few years later, senior class in high school. She came barging into my place, which itself isn't the strange thing. That happens all the time. Nah, the strange thing was how... scared? Excited? Maybe a bit of both? She was. I had to jam a muffin in her mouth to get her to slow the heck down, so I could understand what she was saying. When she finished eating she told me about the mannequins that came to life at the department store, and the oddball stallion that saved her. By blowing up the department store. And in classic Derpy fashion, as soon as she said that, I heard the fire carriages charge past my house. Never failed.
Y'know, with all the weird stuff that happens in Ponyville, I wasn't even all that surprised about the mannequin thing. I just figured some kind of magic... something from the forest got lose. But I wasn't about to let Derpy go out with something dangerous like that on the loose, so I had her stay at my place for a couple of days. That's when he showed up. Walked right on in like he owned the place, babbling on and on about... I don't even remember what. He was different back then. Very different. You know about that thing he does, right? With the face and body and personality? Cool, just checking.
He was a bit older-seeming than the current version. Short black mane and tail, big ears, a leather jacket, and a smile that stretched for miles when he actually let one slip. He was also kind of a jerk, very dismissive of us Equestrian ponies, even more sure than now that he was always right. I'll be honest, he didn't leave a very good first impression. That's when a random plastic foreleg attacked. Dang near strangle the guy, but he managed to turn it off with that thing of his. The sonic screwdriver, yeah. The next thing, he was immediately asking if we were all right.
That's when I learned. He was a jerk, but he was also one who fought things like this. And not just because of some cheap thrill, either. I still didn't like him, like, at all, but I was starting to trust him. He dragged the two of us into the rest of the weirdness, all the way to its end—which featured a conversation with a puddle of goo before it attacked us and forced the Doctor to... kill it, I guess, with a vial of something-or-other. It was actually Derpy who managed the deed. Too many mannequins trained on him.
Afterwards, he invited Derpy to travel with him in his spaceship/time machine, the TARDIS. Invited both of us, actually, though I turned him down flat. Derpy, however, dove right on in. I thought she was crazy, but then again, she always danced to the beat of her own drum, and I did trust him. Sort of. I was still kind of surprised when Derpy returned home safe and sound just the next day.
And that's how it went for a while. He'd pick her up, they'd do their thing for who knows how long, then he'd drop her back off so she could still do her thing here. And you know, when it came to picking her up, or even just getting to the right place at the right time, you could never trust the Doctor and that ship to land when and where they were actually trying to get to. But for the drop off, it was like clockwork. Always the end of the day.
Now, like I said, I try to avoid big adventures. I never went on any of these trips. Buuuuut, sometimes something would happen right here in Equestria, something extraterrestrial, and the Doctor and Derpy would be in the middle of it, and sometimes I'd get dragged along. I was there during the invasion of the Slatheen, for example. Brrrr.
As time passed, the Doctor changed his look to what it is now, with the brown coat and scruffy mane and all that. And around that time, something changed. He'd stick around a bit more, even when there wasn't some monster or alien or plague for him to fight. He eventually actually built a residence for himself and started his clock repair shop, to blend in as a townspony, I guess. I found myself hanging out with the two of them a lot more, with little to no weirdness. Except that time he drug the two of us along to check out that private school in Cantarlot, anyway. I mean, he was still a bit of a condescending jerk at times, but I guess that's just what happens when you really are that much smarter than most ponies around you.
He was never a jerk to Derpy, though. Well, after that first adventure with the mannequins, anyway. I think he saw pretty quick how smart she actually was. And, I'll admit it, even I actually started to like just being around him. Once you get past that arrogance and see him for what he is, he's quite the nice guy. And kinda funny. And kinda cute in dorky sort of way.
Still, I didn't realize that he'd become one of my friends, one of my best friends, until my birthday a couple of years ago. Derpy called me out to celebrate, and as I walked out the front door, I found myself inside that freaky bigger-on-the-inside control room. Did you know the TARDIS can become invisible? Anyway, I was... well mad, obviously, but Derpy and the Doctor actually managed to calm me down. They insisted this wasn't going to be one of those trips, they just wanted to show me something. So I finally calmed down and let them.
What they showed me was, well, it's hard to describe even now. It was a rather simple thing, really, I guess. They just put the old girl in orbit around our planet and opened the door to let me see it, but no words can really describe just how beautiful it was. And I realized, Derpy sees this kind of thing all the time. This is what they get to do between fighting the monsters and such. Even the Doctor's ever-so-smug self congratulations couldn't take away from the moment. I guess... I guess they just wanted to show me, even if just once, the marvels they actually get to see while out there.
Ahem. So I guess there you have it. Me, little Carrot Top of Ponyville, the most normal, some would even say boring, mare in town, and I get a front row seat at some of the strangest, most adventurous stuff out there. What? What about little Dinkey, and how's she fit into all this? Well, that's something a bit more private than I'd be willing to discuss, without Derpy here to give the go ahead. It happened apart and away from all the weird Doctor stuff anyway. I hope I've satisfied you curiosity otherwise, though. Oh, do you want to see my souvenir collection? The Doctor always manages to bring me something-or-other from their latest trip, and , as he used to say, it's gotten quite fantastic.
Author's Note
Nothing too much to see here. Idea popped in my head, so I wrote it. It is kinda nice to have another piece looking at this particular crossover from the pony side of things, though :)
