DJ PON-3 on Red Bull (a.k.a. Morning Tea)

by realmjumper

Rating: everyone
Tags: DJ P0N-3, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Octavia, Comedy, Random
Length: 1195

Vinyl on Red Bull.

Vinyl on Red Bull...Need I say more?

This was just for fun, and not meant to be serious. Like, at all.

Now with an audio reading! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pfihNKCjNM

Published 2015-09-02 12:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-09-02 12:20:02 UTC

Morning Tea

Octavia Melody Philharmonic walked into the kitchen, fully prepared to enjoy her morning tea. Her face was one of determination that bespoke of many failed attempts as this one simple task that seemed to elude her with the same constancy of water being held in a paper bag. What made this time around any different than the multiple mornings that she had woken up and thought these very same thoughts? It was a little can of some type of 'energy drink' that Pinkie Pie had given her rather recently.

“Oh yeah,” The pink pony had said. “It tastes like failed party, but give this to Vinyl, I'm sure she'll be so busy doing everything else that she won't even bother you.”

The cellist was skeptical at best that giving the already energetic DJ more energy would resolve her problem, but she had run dry of viable options long ago.

“It's been three years, four months, two weeks, six days, twenty three hours and six minutes since I've enjoyed my morning tea in peace.” She gritted to herself as she pulled out the needed ingredients for the perfect cup of tea. “If I don't have my cup in peace and quiet I wi-”

A familiar yawn interrupted her early morning rant. “Hey Tav, good morning.”

Octavia ignored the white unicorn with the brilliant blue mane. Today will be different repeated to herself over and over again. She will have her tea and she will enjoy it.

“Oh buck, you should have been at the party last night.” Vinyl laughed. “Pinkie got Spitfire to play pin the tail on the pony. I know she's like the 'Captain of the Wounderbolts',” Octavia's hooves were steady as she measured the right amount of tea for her tea bags. “But she has a terrible sense of direction while blind folded. Would you believe she pinned the tail on Bulk Biceps?!”

The raucous laughter very nearly made the gray mare over pour, wincing at as the noise of her roommate reverberated painfully on her ear drums. She carefully tilted the can back, replaced the lid and placed it in it's respective spot on the shelf. Neat, nice and tidy. Just the way she liked it. Octavia turned on the water and started filling up the copper tea kettle.

“Oh, oh, and heheh, Rainbow Dash, heheh, she was challenged by Applejack to eat a whole can of jalapenos without anything to drink for a half hour!” Vinyl wiped a tear from her eye. “Oh hohoh, aaahhhh. I think I can still hear the screaming.”

Octavia shut off the water, pausing for a moment to listen herself.

Somewhere outside a pony could be heard, albeit faintly, “IT BURNS! MAKE IT STOP, SWEET CELESTIA MAKE IT STOOOOOOP!”

“Well that’s....slightly amusing.” Octavia murmured to herself, setting the kettle on the stove. “Well, here goes nothing.” She turned to her roommate, who was still yammering on about the ridiculous party from the night before, trying to smile sweetly. “Vinyl, I have a gift for you.”

Vinyl Scratch paused from her anecdote, something about how Berry Punch drank an entire barrel of wine by herself in an hour, which was rather impressive.

“Well, it's actually on the lines of a bribe.” The gray earth pony admitted, pulling out the slender canister full of mystery liquid. Gently, she set it on the counter. “On the conditions that you leave me alone this morning, I will give you this can of energy drink that Pinkie Pie brought back from the human world. I believe it's called, Red Bull?”

The DJ pulled down her shades to stare at the can, eyes mystified. “Whoa...You'd seriously give that to me?”

“If you promise to leave me alone, at least till eleven.” Octavia tapped a hoof on the counter. “I haven't had a proper cup of tea since I moved in with you over three years ago. I need to enjoy today's tea, or I am going to scream.”

Vinyl Scratch, to her credit, looked rather uncomfortable at her roommate's statement. “Sorry Tavi. You know how life just gets in the way.”

Octavia didn't look impressed. “Are we of accord? The energy drink for a few hours of peace?”

The white unicorn was practically drooling over the idea of the Red Bull. Pinkie had told her all about the day she drank one, summing it up in a few words.

“You know the word epic?” Pinkie had smiled. “Child’s play.”

“Deal!” Vinyl smiled. She levitated the drink, and went to the basement, home to her epic DJ equipment, and shut the sound proof door.

With a sigh, Octavia turned to her now steaming tea kettle and signed contentedly. She wasn't sure if giving the energy drink to Vinyl was the smartest or dumbest idea she'd ever thought of, but at least she had some peace to enjoy her now steeping tea.

The aroma drifted into her nostrils. Oooh that fragrance~ How she had longed to enjoy this morning ritual that had been ignored for so very long.

She hummed to herself, setting the tea on the table before fishing out a few scones and some honey from another cabinet. Sitting down at the dining room table, she sighed happily to herself that the idea had worked. It'd been fifteen minutes, and Vinyl was-

“AHHH!?!?” Octavia floundered to catch the scone that had been thrown upwards when she screamed. What was the cause of the sudden alarm? Why a white unicorn, who's face was no more than an inch to her left, staring unblinkingly at her, as if the cellist's face held the secrets of the cosmos deep beneath it's fur. “VINYL!?!”

“Heyheyheyheyhey, Tavi?!? Ijustthoughtofasong.......” Vinyl's body was shaking and her face was a manical grin that was made even more sinister by the fact that she wasn't wearing her usual purple glasses. “Wanna hear it??”

“What about peace and quiet do you not understand?!” Octavia practically shouted. When her friend didn't even blink, becoming very, very still, Octavia became concerned. “Vinyl? Are yo-”

“Request does not compute.” Vinyl replied. “Now proceeding with operation 4-18-15-15-16 da beeeeeeeeet.”

Silence.

Octavia sighed. She was not going to be so easily denied the enjoyment of her tea because her eccentric roommate seemed to be broken.

Setting the scone down, she lifted the cup to her lips and-

“Wubwubwubwubwubwuuuuuuuubwubwubwbwbwuuuuubwubwubwub.”

Octavia ignored it, drinking deep.

“Wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuubuwbuwubwubwuuuuubwubwubwubwuuuuuwuuuwuwuuwuwub.”

Setting the tea down Octavia paused, and so did the DJ's song. The gray mare decided to try the scone, taking a small, lady like, bite.

“Wrrrrrrrrwrwrrrwwwrrrrrrrrrrwwrrwwrrrrwrrrrrrrwwrrrrr.”

'I will not kill my roommate. I will not kill my roommate.' Octavia thought over and over again as the 'Wrr's and the 'wub's continued as she ate.

Finally, once she could take no more, Octavia slammed her hoof down, turned to her to close for comfort roommate and yelled. “YOU QUITE FINISHED YET?!”

Silence. Then Vinyl's tail lifted. PPPPPPPPPpppppppptttttttttttttttffffffffffffffffffffffft.

Octavia blinked. Then blinked again. Getting up she left the room, grabbing her saddle bags and headed out to her favorite cafe, wondering what in all of Equestria possessed her to think that giving DJ Pon3 a Red Bull was a good idea.